Gwyn leads Azriel into their sparkling new bathroom and takes a shaky breath before she drops his hand. He is quiet as she closes the door and he leans back against it casually, completely still and waiting for her to speak.
She casts him a nervous glance before smiling shyly, going over and hugging him around the middle. His arms wrap around her shorter form and he places a kiss to the top of her head.
"I haven't um...I haven't done this in a very long time. Not since Catrin died. And I'm not nervous because of you...not completely."
"Gwyn, whatever it is, I don't want you to push yourself too hard. If you're not ready, it's okay."
"No. I-It's not. It's been long enough, and I'm a Valkyrie now, and I'm reforming my life, so I need to make the steps and be unafraid. Nothing can break me, right?"
"Not if I have anything to say about it", he mumbles, eliciting a sweet smile from her. He expects her teasing about the overprotective mate, but it doesn't come. Instead, the nervous look comes back to her features. Looking up at him, she bites her lower lip.
"I love you, Azriel."
"I love you, Gwyneth."
Swallowing hard, she steps back and slips her shirt off, revealing a simple white bra underneath, her torso flecked with freckles like her face.
"Gwyn..."
She looks into his eyes. "I'm not afraid of you, Az. You're my mate, and before that, my savior. I'm just nervous because...", she trails off.
"I know." His eyes harden slightly as a flicker of memory from the night he slaughtered those soldiers scratches at the back of his mind. "That doesn't mean my being here will be easy, trust or not, that panic can arise with trauma."
Her eyes water slightly and she strokes the long necklace, the smooth, rounded blue stone settled between her small breasts.
Azriel stays where he is, despite wanting more than anything to wipe her tears away. If only to prove the trust they have in her state of vulnerability. "You know, sometimes I'm still afraid of fire."
Gwyn blinks and looks over at him, surprised. "You are?"
"Yes", he replies, taking a deep breath. "But I've never told anybody that. In fact, every time the Autumn Court devils are in my vicinity, everything inside of me wants to run away. Because they are as vile as my own brothers, and I remember the feeling of flames on my skin."
A tear slips down her cheek and she reaches over, taking a scarred hand in hers. "I'm sorry. But thank you for telling me, it makes me feel like I'm not overreacting as much as I thought."
Azriel cups her cheek with his free hand, his thumb wiping away the shed tear. "You are not overreacting. Whatever you're feeling is completely valid, Gwyn. I spent most of my life feeling like I was weak and pathetic. Even now I have really bad days. And what you went through, what you survived..." He swallows hard. "You have every fucking right to feel how you feel. I know that it's the situation, not me as a person. You don't have to apologize."
Gwyn lies her head on his chest and nods, stroking over his siphon. "I wish everyone saw you the way I see you."
"But then the completely real me wouldn't be all for you, love."
She smiles and pecks his lips lightly. Walking over to the tub, she runs the water so it begins to fill, then slips her leggings off, her face turning deep red in embarrassment.
Azriel stays entirely still at the threshold of the room, trying to look as casual and non-threatening as he can.
"I-I know that this isn't...y'know, and I know it might be a while but—", she hesitates before wringing her hands shyly, her voice lowering to a shy whisper. "I still want to look...appealing. You're still my mate."
Azriel's light eyes widen a bit. "Gwyneth Berdara, you are stunning. I hope I never gave you the impression that you were anything less. I knew that even with your clothes on. Every single part of you is stunning."
Her flush travels down her chest a bit as she becomes more embarrassed. "Are you sure?"
"Do I look like I'm lying to you?"
"No..."
"Because I'm not", he says softly. "I mean it. You are so beautiful, Gwyn."
She meets his eyes and gives him a shy smile. "Thanks."
"Always."
She takes a deep breath and focuses on the steam coming off of the water in the bathtub as she turns the faucet off.
Azriel suppresses his shuddering sigh, looking over his Gwyn. His Gwyn. Yes, his mate. A mate he loves and respects and trusts. He wonders how she can make even simple white cotton underwear look stunning as he respectfully looks over her. Because she's Gwyn. She'd make a garbage bag look stunning.
"Gwyn?", he whispers softly.
"I'm okay", she replies, looking over at him. "I-..."
"I can turn away if you need." He watches her swallow nervously and rubs her arms.
"No...you need to see, um, what I have to show you. If you're turned away, you won't see it happen."
Azriel furrows his brow a bit and Gwyn holds out her hand to him. He walks over and takes it, kissing the top. Looking into his eyes, she slowly reaches behind her neck and unclasps her necklace, pooling the silver chain and pressing the tiny blue orb into his palm.
"Hold this for me?"
"Sure, but I don't understand..."
"You will." She pecks his cheek, still flushed with embarrassment and nervousness.
Before she turns away, Az cups her cheek and lies his forehead on hers, his green and gold swirled eyes looking into her teal ones. "You are safe here", he reminds her. "You are loved, and you are beautiful. I respect you, Gwyn."
She nods and smiles lightly, their breaths quiet between them as they connect in silence for a moment.
"I know, Az. You always encourage me and have my back. I hope I don't freak you out too much. I really, really want a future with you."
"I doubt there is anything you could do that would tear me away from you, little mate."
"I suppose we'll see."
Taking a firm breath, she walks back over to the tub and peels off her bra and underwear shyly, her skin becoming flushed redder as she becomes fully exposed to him. He keeps his face a soft yet steely mask of indifference as much as he can, his gaze staying on her face.
Gwyn smiles as she realizes his tactic and looks into his eyes. "Thank you...but it's okay."
He swallows and inclines his head politely before looking her over, his eyes just slightly brighter than before. "Breathtaking, Berdara."
She nervously chews her lip and steps into the tub, sinking into the steamy water, no bubbles obstructing his view as he looks on curiously.
Within five seconds, her eyes glow brighter, her ears become slightly webbed, and teeny sparkling scales crawl along her cheekbones, looking like glitter. Wider scales appear along her body, covering the dusky peaks of her breasts and sprinkling along her sides. They continue to grow in size as they trail down her body, finally turning into a large, glittering, turquoise-colored tail with hints of pink, purple, and a small spattering of darker blue within the iridescent sheen of them. The end of her tail flops over the end of the tub, webbed and glorious. Gwyn's body casts a soft white glow and her big, teal eyes are luminescent. She stares at him, notes of both anxiety and curiosity in her gaze.
Azriel realizes then that his jaw is slack, and he hasn't blinked once.
"Azriel?"
Her voice is like the sweetest melodic sound he's ever heard. Like the high tinkling of bells.
Her eyes sadden after a moment, and she shifts uncomfortably. He shakes his head and rushes over to the side of the tub, kneeling next to her as he reaches a hand out.
"M-May I?", he whispers, his eyes still wide in awe. She is totally different that any other nymph he has seen in his lifetime. Her form is more like a Mer, though that would make sense since she is half high fae, which is similar to a human form.
"Yes", she breathes, unflinching as he tenderly cups her cheek and lightly strokes a thumb over the group of scales along her cheekbone. His eyes close as she leans into his touch, an act of trust and love.
"You're perfect", he murmurs. "In any form, in any situation, in any way, Gwyn. You're mine, and you're perfect."
Gwyn opens her eyes and tears up. "I love you, Azzy."
He smiles and leans closer, pressing his lips to her soft, pink ones.
"I love you too, my Gwyneth", he murmurs.
She smiles and cups his face with her slightly webbed hands and kisses him deeply, pouring her love into it.
They kiss desperately, gripping each other's faces as tongue dance in unison, brushing together, their breaths become ragged.
"Gwyn", Azriel pants, peppering her face with kisses, and down her jaw. She moans lightly and strokes his hair.
"Az...I take it you're not wary of me", she chuckles breathlessly.
"Wary? Fuck no. You're incredible."
Gwyn smiles as her eyes flutter with the soft assault on her neck and down her collarbone. "Azriel", she whispers.
"Yes, my love?", he pulls away and looks into her eyes, the scales under them reflecting the light and making her sparkle.
"Thank you. For being here." She grabs his hand and squeezes. "I haven't indulged in this form since my sister died. We used to go swimming together. When my mother was alive, sometimes she would join us. Thinking about swimming...I don't think it would be the same without her. It makes my heart ache."
"I can understand that, I'm so sorry, Gwyn. I wish...", he trails off.
"Me too", she finishes, thinking about the day Catrin was killed. "I feel guilty every day, even if I know she wanted me to keep the children hidden."
Azriel scoots closer to the tub and hugs her tightly, stroking her hair. "I run through that day in my head often as well. Especially after I found out you were my mate and that you had an inkling that we were. I wish there was something I could've done. Maybe if Mor and I had gotten there sooner we could've saved her too."
"I think we will always have those questions, but ultimately, what happened happened. We sadly can't change the past, but we have the future."
"We do", he murmurs, kissing her cheek. "I'm so glad I have you, Gwyn; that you got out."
"Thanks to you", she whispers softly.
Azriel swallows and tips her chin, kissing her softly. "Looking back now, I was so rageful and so protective of you. I think it was the bond, but I was in no place to have a mate back then. But the fact that I killed them, that I got to help you, it has a place inside of my heart."
Gwyn looks into his eyes, tearing up. "Mine too. The fact that it was you to come rescue me...my mate, my Azriel. My savior."
He sniffs and nuzzles her nose sweetly. She smiles and strokes his lips. "You know, my tail is a bit like your wings. Very sensitive. However, it's more of a tingly sort of sensation than um...", she blushes.
"Than a horny sensation?", Azriel laughs.
"Yes", she giggles. "But I trust you, you can touch if you want. It's actually very smooth-feeling and not as bumpy or gritty as the texture looks."
Az nods and tenderly strokes over the scales of her tail, his eyes widening slightly. "Wow, it is very smooth, like butter."
"Mhm. It helps me move and splice through the water fast and accurately."
"So, when you're underwater, can you breathe? Because you aren't full nymph, you're mostly High Fae."
She grins and nods. "Yes, I can breathe underwater. I have gills." She shifts with a bit of hardship and shows him her side, a small gill near her ribs. "There's one on each side. But like you said, I'm not full nymph so I only have about fifteen minutes to a half hour of air underwater. I'm out of practice through so probably closer to fifteen minutes."
"That's still impressive. You must be the most amazing mate ever."
Gwyn laughs and tosses her head back. "Or the freakiest."
"Nooo, you're beautiful in every single way, shape, and form", he winks.
She smiles shyly and blushes before nodding to his closed hand. "My necklace. It's an inconspicuous amulet. My mother and sister had one too. They are spelled to prevent us from transforming into our nymph form any time water hits our skin. Which is why I took it off. I usually never do." Her cheeks turn red around her scales and she looks at him shyly. "If you'd like to put it back on me, I'll return to my fae form."
"Is that what you want?"
"Well, it's not the most comfortable being in this form in a bathtub, regardless of how huge it is. Very convenient that it was built for Illyrian wingspans too though", she grins cheekily.
Azriel blushes and chuckles. "Yeah, the wings aren't always the most convenient thing to have either."
"Wings and tails, aren't we an odd pair?"
"Odd but perfect."
"More than perfect."
Azriel gently takes her necklace and leans forward, clasping it around her neck. The small spherical stone glows brightly and she transforms back. Her tail turns back into legs, scales uncovering her breasts and returning into freckles on her face, her ears changing from webbed back to rounded, and her fingers completely set apart again.
She immediately crosses her arms to shield her chest, realizing how exposed she is again. Azriel stands up and grabs a large, white, fluffy towel and holds it up to shield his own view of her, sensing that she is uncomfortable.
Taking a breath, Gwyn grabs the soap and adds it to the water, turning the knob to warm up the water again. "Sorry, it was—a reaction. I'm okay."
Az slowly lowers the towel and smiles sheepishly. "You're sure?"
"Yes. I'm with you. I'm okay."
He blushes a bit and tucks his wings, sitting next to the tub again.
"Actually, um...if you want to join, maybe uh, that would be okay. Small steps."
"Gwyn, I—"
"I know. The mate bond is strong, and it's stronger for males, and I know you have certain instincts. But I also know enough to know that you'd never hurt me." Her eyes met his as she reaches out and intertwines their fingers. "I told you before that I'm not breakable. I meant it. You are my mate and there is nothing more that I would like than to connect with you on a deeper level, and I am going in slow steps. So, shadowsinger, what do you say? Want a dip with me in our brand new tub fit for Illyrian wings?"
Az grins fiendishly and kisses her lovingly, his thumb caressing the curve of her jaw. "I would love that, Berdara." His voice drops to a lower octave, and she shudders slightly, goosebumps traveling along her skin.
"You know, I've never been shy about stripping before, but I've never had a mate to impress before either", he chuckles, pink blooming on his cheeks as he tries to play off his shyness.
"Oh, gods", Gwyn giggles and covers her face. "I'm a thousand percent positive you have not a thing to worry about, Az. I've seen you shirtless in training and that is enough to stun me. So..." her cheeks redden further, smothering her freckles.
He smirks lightly and chews his lip as he takes off his shirt. She can't help but peek through her fingers, her eyes roving over his chest and abs as he laughs heartily. "I love you, Gwyneth."
"I love you, Azriel", she blushes, her hand slipping off her face as she watches shyly, her face red in embarrassment.
He strips down until there is nothing left to the imagination, Gwyn swallowing hard, her eyes looking anywhere but at him.
"If this is too much, it's okay. I can just re-dress."
"No, I—", she looks over him and stares a bit as he smirks cheekily.
"No?"
"No...join me", she whispers, moving to one side of the large tub.
"I'd love to." He tucks his wings and steps in, slowly sinking under the water up to his chest. He looks over at her and smiles boyishly as his shadows twirl and swirl with the steam of the water, almost playfully.
"I want you to know that I realize this is a huge step. First showing me your nymph form, and now...the vulnerability aspect that was once taken from you."
She takes a deep breath and reaches a hand out to him. It trembles slightly but she steels her face into one of courage and strength. "I will not let those vile monsters destroy what I want to have with you, and what I want for our future."
He looks at her, in awe of her strength as he takes her hand, his thumb stroking circles on the top soothingly. "It's only me."
"I know", she breathes. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's a trauma response, Gwyn. I know it's not me, in particular, that's triggering it, but the situation and vulnerability that comes with this."
She intertwines their fingers and breathes in and out a few times, before kissing his hand and looking into his eyes. "Az..."
"Yes, love?"
"Can we—um...maybe we could try...", she lets out a huff of frustration with herself. "Can you maybe hold me? I want to try. I know I'm safe with you. I know you're the one who saved me. I know you'd never ever hurt me. And yet this panic is settled so deep in my chest and I-I...I need to work through it. You've always calmed me before, just your presence. I know it sounds weird because right now I both need you close and am terrified of having you close at the same time, but I don't know what to do and I figure that I may as well try y'know, I just—"
She rattles on, her breaths coming too quickly. Too quickly.
"Gwyn!", Az raises his voice only slightly to get her attention and stop her ramble. Her eyes are wide and panicked as they meet his, her lips falling silent. Az moves closer but only a little, taking her hand in both of his and gently massaging her hand, wrist, and up to her elbow as she watches, stunned and curious. Her breaths are still ragged but slow, better than before.
"I will make sure you know just how safe you are. I understand the impossible situation you're in. I can see the confusion and indecisiveness in your eyes. I can feel it a little through the bond.
"I-I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry for things beyond your control." He continues making soothing motions along her arm gently, scooting a little closer still.
"I have an idea if you'd like to hear it."
"Anything", she replies, her eyes glossy from the residual unshed tears of panic and anxiety.
He smiles charmingly and kisses the top of her hand. "We should sing. You always say it helps calm you, and I sing as well, usually to myself but still."
A tear eventually makes a trail down her cheek as she looks down. "What about my lightsinger power? I'm scared. I don't want to lure you into doing anything you wouldn't normally do, or take away the moment from you."
"We are mates. I would think that it wouldn't affect me unless you willed it to. And even so, my shadows become much larger and...more animated when I sing too. We both have our quirks, Gwyn. I have never let anyone hear me sing before. Not because I'm bad, but because I generally don't like the attention it draws. But this is me and you, and I want to make you happy. So, please? Sing with me?" He strokes the tear stain away.
She nods and squeezes his hand. "Okay."
They begin to sing a duet, their mezzo-soprano and alto voices drifting and melding together perfectly. As they indulge in their private concert, Az makes a point to inch closer and closer until his body is settled around hers, his arms holding her back to his chest as she relaxes, smiling through the tune, her nerves and worries drifting away on the notes and the steam from the water.
.
.
.
Tamlin stands back and stares up at his newly build manor, his eyes slightly wide and a lighter green than Lucien had seen in a very long time, usually a sign of health in his friend. He had even gained a bit of weight and bulk back, despite having a bit to go until he looked like his former self.
"Wow. It's impressive, Tam. Much more your style too. Not so..."
"Intimidating?"
"Yeah. No offense but your old place looked a bit like a castle that definitely had a torture chamber."
"It did."
"I know."
"And now it doesn't. All the horrid things belonging to him are gone. This is mine. My chance to start anew, my chance to try and restore myself. But what if it doesn't work?"
"What do you mean? You're already making strides, the connection you have with your people is getting stronger the more you stop and speak with families, and you're even beginning to bulk up again. Slowly but surely."
He sighs and runs a hand through his long blonde locks. "I meant, my place as a High Lord. They have pretty much cemented in everybody's mind that I am the devil incarnate when merely three years ago, it was him, not me."
"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, Tamlin. It matters what is true. The rest of your Court will come home from Summer soon, and during the festival, you'll make sure to make your intentions clear. Create a new beginning, and rule with a kinder hand than your father. You always did, but the difference now is that you have nothing holding you back. No curse, and no terms. Just you. He's not here anymore, Tam."
Tamlin looks over at Lucien and the light he exudes, a surefire sign that his redheaded friend is comfortable and happy. "I know that."
"Shall we tour?", Lucien grins.
He nods slowly, his face a mask of indifference even still.
"Not even a smile, huh? You're still tough to crack, Tam."
"It's not that I'm not happy about it. The restoration of the Court and having an untainted home does thrill me."
"But...?"
"But that's all I have. It will never be the same as it was before. Even with the curse and the threat of Amarantha, that's when I had everything I needed and wanted."
Lucien's brow furrows a bit and Tamlin passes him a glance. "You're really going to make me say it?"
"Yup", Lucien replies, popping the 'p'.
"My Manor was full of staff, most notably Alis. The loss of her presence was great to me, it mattered even if I was silent about it. And her loss isn't even the one that hurt the most in the long run either."
"Feyre", he whispers.
"Well...yes, but, I'm getting over that now. Cauldron boil me, she has a damn child now. I-", Tamlin's jaw ticks as they walk up to the new Manor. "I meant you. I know I didn't always treat you well, I see that. I understand that. But even before Feyre, I functioned because I had you as a friend." He cringes a bit at the sentimentality of his statement and Lucien just peers at him in shock.
"Now you have a mate. Of course, an Archeron in the Night Court, because how else could the Mother fuck me over one more time...but that just means it will never be how it was again. We had a lot of good times among the horrid ones too. You kept spirits up with your humor. It was a highlight of the days. You were always a great friend, Lucien. In all honesty, you're the only true friend I had and still have. I'd most likely be ash at this moment if you hadn't...", he trails off and swallows the lump in his throat.
Lucien's heart aches for him just a small bit more, realizing for the first time that he's right. He really was the only person he had for the long haul, and he does have a mate and a new life now too. "That—That means a lot for you to say, Tam. Thank you for the sentiments. Humor got me through my bad days, so I'm glad it got you through yours too. It's all I could do to keep myself from falling apart as well. But I hope you know that just because we have newer lives and mine may be physically elsewhere eventually, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being your friend or advocating for you. I'm not the type to turn my back easily. Clearly."
Tamlin claps his shoulder and inclines his head politely. "I know you aren't. You're a warrior, Lucien. A fighter. A peacemaker at heart. You have more High Lord capabilities in you than half of the sitting High Lords combined. Myself and Rhysand included. I may never know why you are how you are, but you exude strength and compassion in ways I haven't seen in anyone else. I hope you will be able to put those to good use again, even in emissary work. And...I would love to have you on my payroll again in your rightful position if you wanted, once the festival is over. You wouldn't have to give up your other jobs but...", Tamlin looks around and motions to the village below. "Spring is your home, Lucien. Even if you weren't bred here, you bloomed here. I want you always to have a connection to it, and I wouldn't want that to fizzle, for you to lose it. I know my anger drove you away as well as your mate, but I want you to know you will always have a place in this Court, a plate at my table, and a room for boarding whenever you need it."
Lucien swallows hard and gets slightly teary, looking away with a strangled chuckle. "Damn, I didn't know you could make a grown-ass male cry. Fuck you."
Tamlin laughs heartily and it brings a mischievous grin to Lucien's face as well.
"C'mon Beast, let's go see your new mansion", Lucien teases,
"Right. Fresh start", Tamlin nods, a small smile on his lips as he pushes the door to his new abode open into a sprawling foyer with cream and green checkerboard tile, gold veining throughout it, a large vase of large red roses on a table in the center, and a sprawling, grand staircase detailed in gold to the left. His smile grows wider as he takes in the sight of the brightness and airy feel of it. It was so him.
Lucien lets him have his moment and steps back slightly, grinning.
Yes, everything will be okay. For the both of them.