Elain feels a tug on the mate bond and a grin spreads across her face. She rushes out to the porch of the River House and sees Lucien walking up the path.

"Lucien!", she squeals, running to him, holding the skirt of her dress. His face lights up and he catches her in his arms, spinning her around. "Elain, my pretty doe. I missed you."

"I missed you too", she smiles, cupping his face before kissing him soundly. "How were your travels?"

His face falls a bit, and he sighs. "Enlightening. But not in the best way. Tamlin confirmed what we thought about Eris. I don't know how I knew that he would know but...", he trails off, his gaze to the ground.

She tips his chin to look at her and kisses him again softly. "I'm so sorry that you feel betrayed. I-I never wanted that. But there is an upside to this too, my fox."

Lucien links arms with her and walks towards the River House. "That's the thing about you, Elain. You always have something positive to say. Especially when I need to hear it. So what, per se, is the upside of this predicament?"

She leans her head on his shoulder softly. "Well, you know now that your brother isn't inherently bad like Beron. He's only been pretending to keep you safe. I know that finding out that he lied hurts you and everything that you thought you had against him has been stripped away. But how is that not also a good thing? You have one brother who isn't a horrible person and only pretends to be to save your life and his own."

He heaves a heavy sigh and turns to kiss her temple, unwinding his arm from hers and wrapping it around her waist. "I—suppose. Of course, you have a point. You usually do. I love you, and I'm sorry if I come off as cranky."

"I love you too. And it's okay to feel hurt. It's okay to have bad days. You told me that before, and it's true for you too, Lucien. You're allowed to have bad days. I know you pride yourself on being even-keeled. But getting upset does not change you as a person. It's alright to get angry, or cry, or feel weak sometimes. You showed me that it was okay, and it's been helping me heal ever since. You're way too hard on yourself, trying to be perfect, Lu. You don't have to be perfect, even if I think you are", she smiles softly.

He scoffs and nuzzles her cheek playfully. "Thank you. You always made me feel better, Elain. It's incredible."

Elain smiles beautifully as they enter the house's foyer, Lucien's nose twitching at the scent.

She giggles and glances up the winding stairs. "Yeah, um...Rhys and Feyre have been a bit—busy over the weekend."

"Ugh."

"You look tired, why don't we go upstairs to my room and we can lay down for a while? You can tell me about everything, and I can braid your hair."

Lucien blushes slightly. As much as he would never admit it, he secretly loves his hair being played with and styled. Especially by his mate. "Alright. That sounds nice."

She grabs his hand and tugs him up the stairs to her bedroom. Not only is it Elain's favorite room of the house, but his as well. The large windows allow for the most sunshine to shine through. It's the first in the light when the sun comes up and the last lit when the sun goes down. Just the way that Elain—and Lucien—like it.

They lie down in her bed and he spoons her close, nuzzling her nose, the soft whirr of his eye the only noise between them aside from their breaths.

Elain strokes his cheek and over his scar gently. "Tell me...you look sad."

He sighs and leans his forehead on hers. "I don't usually get angry easily but Tamlin and I...we got in a big fight and I know I was the one who made it worse, and the fire inside of me only fueled my anger, and now that I'm calm I realize it wasn't necessary to get that heated but I was just so upset that he and my brother had gone behind my back for—for fucking centuries, to keep me in the dark about Eris's true nature. I suppose I always had a small hunch, but I didn't want to believe that he was good, because if I did, it would make it that much harder to...I don't know, to not miss my home, maybe. Not that I have a true home, I've been nearly everywhere."

Her thumb trails down his jaw and her warm brown eyes meet one of russet and one of gold. "Your true home is with me, Lu. Wherever we are, or whatever we do. You'll have me", she whispers.

He tears up and pulls her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her and breathing in her lovely scent. "I adore you, Ellie."

Elain blushes deeply and strokes his red locks. It always makes her flush when he uses her childhood nickname, something she divulged to him after she accepted their mate bond. "I adore you Luci", she grins, using his.

She positions herself behind him and begins to play with his hair, braiding it gently. "What is Tamlin like?"

Lucien nearly chokes on his own saliva. "What?"

"Well, y'know. I know what the Inner Circle thinks. I know what Nesta thinks. I know what half of Prythian thinks. But you remain his friend despite how...horrible, everybody says that he is. I only got a glimpse of him when I-I was changed. But I saw you both reaching for us and trying to fight too."

A sigh escapes him and he strokes her knee gently. "He's...he's prickly. He has had the kind of life that would make anyone wish for death. I don't think that male has had a moment of peace or feeling of safety for one second of his existence. That's why I keep trying. I'm all he really has anymore. And yes, he's made some bad mistakes, and he has apologized and tried to make amends for them. But he can't force anyone to accept them."

"That's true. If you're still his friend and you waited for him to be more open, then there must be some good in him. Because you waited for me too, and if you hadn't, I don't think I would be as okay as I am right now without you, Lu. So that must mean something...that you didn't give up on either of us. Also, you have all lived very long lives, and I am sure all of you have done bad things at one point or another. Except maybe you", she grins. "I'm sure I will have my moment at some point in my extended life as well."

"I have my fair share of regrets, Elain. I'm not perfect, but you'd be right. I don't like how those who have done bad in their pasts, are the first to cast stones."

Elain ties off his braid and kisses his cheek softly, whispering. "Rhys?"

"It's not a shock that he isn't my favorite person."

"Why is that? I mean...I know the basics of what happened with Amarantha. But not the whole story, is that why?"

Lucien sets his jaw. "Among other things."

Elain cups his face and moves to look into his eyes. "You can talk to me about it. About all of it, any of it."

"There are many, many actions that Rhysand and even Feyre, have justified all that he did under the guise of protecting Velaris, even protecting Feyre. But there were things that, in my eyes, were absolutely unnecessary to do to your sister to achieve his goal."

"What goal...what did he do to Feyre? She told me she was locked in a cell and made to do grueling chores."

"Gods, she didn't tell you?"

"No, she—she hardly talks about that time. Some days I wonder if it all still affects her."

Lucien scrubs his face with his hands. "If they find out that I told you..."

"They will say nothing because you were only telling me the truth that I asked for, as your mate. Lucien, you've given me my voice back, and I will ask for what I want and take what I need. You showed me that I don't have to be afraid to do so, and to be myself. We will have each other's backs, right? And, if the worst happens, and they want me out, I will stay at the Exiles Manor with you, happily. I've actually been looking forward to meeting them formally anyway."

"You—you want to meet my human friends? I thought maybe it would make you sad and long for your old life."

"Why long for my old life, when I have healed and my new life includes you?", she replies with a twinkle in her eye.

He chuckles softly and presses a tender kiss to her lips. She leans forward and sinks into it graciously, smiling brightly as she pulls away. A smile that would make his knees weak if he were standing.

"You're such a tantalizing little doe, my sweet", he smirks.

"Now, you were going to spill the beans", she stares, her expression becoming slightly somber again. "Tell me what happened...what Rhys did that you still dislike him so, even if Feyre has forgiven him? Is it because he took her away from Tamlin? Because he's your friend—"

"No. No no, that's not it. Not at all. I realize they never truly belonged together. I did the moment I scented her mate bond with Rhys."

"Then what, Lucien?"

He sighs deeply and looks into her eyes. "Alright...but this won't be easy to hear. I won't leave anything out from what happened that I know of Under the Mountain, and it will be very difficult to swallow."

"The truth is not usually easy. I still want it. All of it. I want you to show me, not just tell me." She holds out her hand to him and he looks at her worriedly.

"It may make you sick, Ellie."

"I need to know, Lucien. Whether it makes me ill or not."

He takes a shuddering breath and swallows hard, relenting, and placing her palm on the side of his face. He recalls the memories he has tried so hard to forget one by one, scene by scene like a movie reel, streaming them into her mind through her Seer's power. All the vile sights, scents, noises-the reek of death and the raw fear. All of Feyre, of Tamlin, of Amarantha, of Rhys. All three trials. His own lashings. His potent pain. His kindness towards her sister both times. The smell of terror. The late-night parties. The murders. The gyrating bodies. Nothing of what he witnessed left unrecalled in their mind's eyes.

.

.

.

Cassian grins softly as he massages Nesta's shoulders. She has been pricklier than usual lately, not being able to train and having to sit and be a good little female through her pregnancy. Though she hates the sedentary nature of it, the glow of it does suit her.

"Feeling a little better Nes?"

"I suppose."

"Are you feeling...angry today?"

A snarl gets tossed his way. "Do I seem chipper to you, sweetheart?"

"Oh, Nes. I know you miss training and I know you hate having to stay inside. But you're doing what's best for you and the baby and I admire you so much for that."

Her gaze gets stormy as she directs her gaze toward the window, staying silent—something that rarely happens, as she is always up for a verbal spar.

"Nesta?", he asks, his voice lowering from its playful cheeriness to raw concern. "What's wrong?"

He shifts around her to be able to look at her face and sees tears brimming in her eyes. Alarmed, he cups her cheeks and tips her gaze up to look at him.

"Woah, babe, what happened?"

Nesta sniffles and tries to avert her gaze. "You should know, Cassian. You should know what's bothering me—as my mate, and yet you don't. Y-You never seem to, really. And I begin to wonder if this bond is real."

It feels as if his lungs have been crushed and collapsed by thousands of boulders on his chest as his face falls. "What?"

"Just forget it. Go...train or something", she mutters, turning to cuddle into the sofa cushion.

"No, I won't. You are my mate and my wife, and I love you. Please, if something is bothering you, I want to know about it. I know I may be stupid and brutish and ignorant at times, and I am so sorry, but I want to help, and I want to be the one who can fix things. Please, Nes", he begs.

After what had happened with Rhys at the River House, he has been trying his best to be a much better mate and husband to Nesta, reeling back some of his more lewd or unsavory jokes, especially the ones that pop into his head at bad times.

Nesta curls up tighter, curling into herself as her shoulders shake lightly, indicating silent sobs. Cassian scoops her up and holds her close to his chest as tears escape her beautiful and usually steely blue-gray eyes onto his shirt. Wandering into their room, he places her on the bed and lies down facing her, again pulling her tightly into his embrace and drawing the blankets up around them. Staying silent for the moment, he strokes her cheek, discarding the tears that streak it.

"I never want to see you unhappy again", he whispers softly, his nose mere centimeters from hers as he gazes into her eyes, her broken stare looking back.

She swallows hard before wiping the other side of her face with her sleeve and breathing shakily. "Cass, I can't go anywhere. I'm stuck in this house all over again, all day long with silence and nobody here and...", she chokes out.

His eyes light up with understanding and he mentally curses himself for being so fucking stupid. "You feel trapped again", he breathes.

Nesta looks at the wall despite her lip trembling slightly, trying her best to reign in her emotions—she has always despised being vulnerable. "I can't go anywhere when you're out, I-I certainly can't walk down the ten thousand steps at the risk of over-exerting and hurting the baby. And I feel like I'm spiraling again", she whimpers, rubbing her face.

Cassian takes her hands away from her face gently and presses the gentlest kiss he can muster to her lips. "I won't let that happen. We will figure something out so you don't have to stay here alone. We can rent a first-floor penthouse or something in the Rainbow District if you'd like, that way you could visit Emerie when she's working. And whenever you want to see Gwyn at the library or pick up a shift where you can stack books and don't over-exert, I will bring you, or I will make sure Az does. You won't miss out on seeing your friends or doing things you enjoy; you'll be able to walk the city whenever you feel the need, get some fresh air, and browse the shops and the cafes. How does that sound?"

Nesta's eyes brim with tears once again but a renewed expression of hope crosses her features. "We could do that?"

"I would buy anything and do anything to make sure you feel okay, Nesta. Mentally or physically. You are my mate, our bond is real, and I will prove that I am worthy of it and of your love, even if it takes me centuries. I will make amends for everything that I did to you and let happen to you before when I was fucking stupid and immature and frustrated. I've said it, but I am so sorry, babe. I know I can't take any of it back, but I'll prove it to you for the rest of our long lives. I told you once that we would have time, and if we didn't that I would find you in the next life. But now we do—I do. To right my wrongs, and to be the best male I can be. For you and our child. I promise."

Nesta flings her arms around his neck and sobs into his shoulder, her body wracked with sobs as he wraps his strong arms around her form, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I'll look around at secondary houses unless you would be up for browsing them with me."

Nesta looks up at him lovingly, and a small smile comes to her face finally. "I would like to go with you. I didn't have a choice in this one, so I'd like to have a choice in our other one. But there is one big downfall."

"Oh? And what is that?"

"Well, I can't spell it to provide my every whim like this house."

Cassian chuckles and kisses her forehead. "That is a disappointment, hm?"

She sighs and nods. "I don't have any power anymore to be able to try it on another house", she states.

He squeezes her hand and looks into her eyes. "You don't need to possess any magic to be powerful, Nesta. I think you have proven that time and time again. Before you knew how to wield it, and even now as a Valkyrie. You are power, Nes. You just have to believe that."

"How can I believe that, Cassian? I can't even winnow out of our own home. I can't do anything that other fae can do. Nothing. I am essentially as powerless as a human again. The only fucking thing I can do is make a tiny flame of ice, and that is useless."

"Your power doesn't come from your hands, or your magic, or even your fighting skills. Your power comes from who you are; from your heart. Nessie, you made a huge fucking sacrifice to save Feyre and Nyx. Huge. Despite the bad blood that you had with her and Rhys, you still gave everything to save them. Your power is your heart, and your love, and your brain. You're one of the smartest and most loving females I know. And I know that because I see that side of you that nobody else gets the honor to see. You have a fear of being vulnerable, but you're not. You never will be again, I will make sure of that. Plus, you are a great fighter; one of my best. You learned quickly, you are agile, and you strike to kill when necessary. You're perfect."

She sniffles and lies on his chest, silent tears falling. "What the hell am I supposed to tell our child in the future when all of their cousins are these powerful Illyrians or fire wielders, and they have hardly anything?"

"You don't know that. I have more power than I could control, hence the seven siphons to control it. They could have my power, Nes. But they don't have to have a drop of anything, and we would still love them and encourage them to be whoever the fuck they choose to be. No matter what."

"That only makes it worse. What if we have more than one child, Cass? What if one of them does have all your power, and one has next to nothing like me? Surely, they will carry resentment for their sibling, and that's something I never wanted because I know what that's like personally."

"Babe, power or no power, wings or no wings, dark or golden hair, tanned or pale skin, male or female, Carynthian or Valkyrie. None of that matters. They are our child, and we will both make sure that they feel nothing but valued regardless. If they have no power, there are many other options. They could be a brilliant scholar like Gwyn and Merrill, or an artist like Feyre, a shop owner like Emerie, even an emissary for the Court if they like to travel and enjoy politics."

Nesta takes a deep breath and nods weakly. "I-I suppose, I never thought of that. All of you treat power like it's the best thing to have, and it does feel like that. Even when I hated mine, I felt more secure knowing I could potentially defend myself. I don't want anything to happen to our child, I don't want them to be weak—not here", she whispers brokenly.

Cassian pulls her closer into his arms and kisses the top of her head. No child of ours could ever be weak. They will be strong. Whether it is in body, mind, or attitude", he smiles, looking down at her as he quirks an eyebrow.

A small smile appears on her face, and he grins. "Hm? One of them is bound to have your feisty attitude, Mumma."

"Gods help us if they do", she murmurs.

He laughs and rubs her shoulder. "Oh yes. Gods, help us."

.

.

.

Emerie hears a loud thump on her balcony and looks over to see a familiar shadowy figure standing there behind the glass door and curtain. A shy smile comes to her lips as she gets up from her vanity and throws the curtains to the side, meeting the grinning, boyish gaze of her mate.

She quickly unlocks it and ushers him in, making sure he is careful of his wings. "Hi, you."

"Hi, you", Balthazar replies sweetly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "How was your day today?"

"The shop was fairly busy, actually. People bustling about. Autumn is a nice time of year to shop. Not too hot, not too cold. What about you?"

He pulls her close and brings his mouth to hers, his hand sliding into the curly tresses of her unbound hair as he kisses her passionately. A small gasp escapes her before her hands grip the top of his leathers, kissing back with equal eagerness.

Balthazar wraps his arms around her gently and lifts her off her feet, chuckling against her lips. "My day is so much better now that I'm here with you, starshine."

Emerie blushes deeply but smiles at the nickname. "That's new."

"I was trying to figure out what you remind me of. And when I think of something that takes my breath away, I liken you to the bright stars over Ramiel during a late night flight. You shine just as brightly."

A soft intake of breath and her misty eyes tell him it was a good thing to say, however vulnerable.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you for a mate, Bal."

"Em", he whispers, placing her back down on her feet and cupping her face. "It was just you. Being you. You deserve all of the love and the light and the happiness. You've been through a lot, and honestly, I'm shocked that I was imbued with the honor of being yours. When I helped Nesta save you at the Rite, I thought that it was a 'right place right time' situation. But now I know that I was drawn to you for a reason. My mate was hurt. I couldn't quite place why seeing you like that—a perfect stranger—pained me so much. Because I had seen a lot of death, pain, and hostility in my life among the Illyrians. And it ran deeper than being angry about the treatment of another female. It felt deeper. At the time I couldn't place it, and in the Blood Rite, anxiety was already running so high."

Emerie runs her thumb along his cheekbone and gazes up at him, the deep brown of her eyes gleaming like liquid chocolate under starlight.

"I love you, Bal."

"I love you too, Em. More and more every day."

She wraps her arms around him tightly. "Before my friends and before you, it had been a really long time since someone did. I started to think that maybe after everything, I would never feel like I mattered to anyone."

Balthazar tears up and hugs her back just a bit tighter. "I'll remind you every day how much I love and adore you, starshine. Every day. You are so special Emerie. And so strong, and so fierce."

Taking her hand he leads her over to her bed and sits her down, crouching and kissing her gently. "I am going to shower and change and then we can have a snack and do some reading and cuddling. And then, if you'll allow, I'll stay and hold you until you fall asleep. How does that sound?"

Emerie tenderly strokes his shaggy hair and looks into his eyes, a slight blush coming to her tanned cheeks. "What if I want you to stay after I fall asleep?"

He grins boyishly. "Yeah? That's a good step."

She nods. "Yeah. I'd...I'd like to wake up next to you in the morning. And we are mates, right? I don't want to move too fast for you or anything."

"Oh, Emmie, I'd love to wake up next to you. It's not too fast at all. We are mates. We are adults. Plus, it's just sleeping, anyway. I adore holding you close to me."

Biting her lips slightly, her blush deepens. "After I broke up with my longest boyfriend, who had started as a friend, I had quite a few suitors. But I was centuries younger. And through my trauma, I was searching for any kind of care or love. So I was a bit irresponsible. But then I realized that I didn't want meaningless one-night stands. I haven't really thought about intimacy in a very long time. It might sound crazy but it's daunting to me. Most of them didn't know what to do with my wings, and the very few Illyrian males I were involved with didn't seem to want to address them. It's not just that though. It's my scars from my father, and other insecurities that have weighed on me for a long time. I know that you are my equal, you are my mate, and that you would never judge me. But I'm still nervous and I don't know when I'll be totally ready for that big step. I don't want to disappoint you or hold you back though", she whispers, tearing up.

"Emerie Bardsley", he murmurs sternly but kindly, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "There is not one single part of you that disappoints me, in any way. You are not holding me back. I am exactly where I want to be, and with whom I want to be with. I don't care if it takes you another century to feel ready for that. You are mine, and I am yours. Like calls to like, my star. We both have our insecurities."

"You? You're perfect, Bal."

He scoffs softly and looks at her, showing his vulnerability through his eyes. "I am far from perfect Emerie. Nobody is perfect. I have scars too. From training, and from when I was a stupid kid. I also have the most embarrassing birthmark you'll ever see", he blushes.

She intertwines their fingers and squeezes gently. "Is that so?"

Balthazar chuckles lightly. "It is so."

"Prove it", she smirks.

"Ohh, now we're being feisty."

Emerie giggles lightly and looks at him, waiting.

He stands up and sighs. "Alright, mate, I'll show you. But I will need to take my leathers and my shirt off."

"By all means", she waves her hand, her heart thrumming with happiness and nerves.

Balthazar gives her a mischievous look and takes them off, then undoes his shirt around his wings and slips it off, slowly turning his back to her.

Emerie gasps and sits up on her knees on the bed to inspect the large birthmark between his shoulder blades and wings. "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes", he cringes, embarrassed.

"You have a birthmark of a flower?", she grins, very gently tracing over it.

"A dandelion to be exact."

"Ooh yeah, with the little fuzzies floating away from it. I see the speckles."

"I got bullied so badly in training for having a feminine mark on me, especially between my wings. Because apparently, it makes me less male", he turns around and rolls his eyes. "But it is embarrassing. It's so obvious and pale."

"Emerie stretches up on her knees and shyly rubs his chest. "It does not make you any less of a male, believe me. Have you seen yourself, Bal?"

He smirks slightly and blushes. "I know that, logically."

"And physically", she flirts. "Maybe I have a new nickname for you now, though."

A groan escapes him and he places his forehead on hers. "What might that be?"

Emerie grins playfully. "Lion. For my dandelion."

"Oh, gods."

"It's very male, and nobody else will know just how fluffy you really are but me", she laughs lightly, poking his chest.

"You are the sweetest piece of work."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she plays with the tendrils of hair at the nape and then kisses him soft and slow. "But you love that about me, right?", she asks tentatively, looking into his eyes, a playful gleam in her eye.

"Fuck yeah, starshine."