Azriel swoops down and lands on their porch with a swish and the soft thud of his boots. Gwyn had been quiet the entire flight home and he had held her just a little bit tighter than usual. Nobody knew what had happened to her while in the throes of the harp's magic, and her unusual silence gives him an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. However, he respects her privacy and knows that it does no good to pressure someone when they don't feel like talking. He had experienced enough of that in his own life to know what it feels like to be pressured to speak when you simply can't.

Once on her feet, Gwyn wordlessly walks into their home and immediately curls up on the sofa. He sits next to her, placing a hand on her leg soothingly before pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "I am here if you want to talk about anything that went on today. But for now, I would like to simply hold you if that's okay?"

Gwyn shifts slightly to look at him, her eyes full of tears as she nods silently, curling up in his arms and clutching his shirt as light sobs escape her, the anxiety and stress finally catching up to her.

He lowers his nose to her copper hair and breathes in her scent, comforting to both him and his shadows as they bob around them slowly, at ease but as concerned for their mate as he is. Wrapping his arms closer around her, he rubs small circles on her back. "I love you", Azriel whispers.

Her shaking sobs falter as her teal eyes meet his, puffy and haunted. "I l-love you, Azriel. I never want to think of a world without you in it. Without u-us...together, in it."

His brow crinkles slightly as he lowers it to hers, bringing his hand up to caress her cheek, swiping a trail of tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I am here. Right here. Right now. So are you, my sweet melody. You are safe now. This is real, I promise."

Throwing her arms around his neck, her lip trembles and she presses as close as possible to him. "I'm sorry. I—"

Azriel's eyes slip closed as he holds her tightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Gwyn. Nothing at all, love. You and Nesta—you saved the day today." He pulls back and cups both sides of her face, looking into her eyes, his own a blazing hazel. "You are the reason that everything turned out alright. You were so brave. You were a true Valkyrie. Their hearts were just as pertinent to their identity as their skills with weaponry. And your heart is the purest I've ever known."

Tears spill down again and she sniffles, reaching up and holding his hands that are on her face. "I love you so much. I hope you know that as much as your head has given you bad thoughts in the past, the world would never be the same without you in it, Azzy."

His throat bobs and he nuzzles her nose, a shuddering breath escaping him. "Is this about what happened when you went unconscious?", he asks, treading lightly.

She nods, taking his hands and clasping them between them, stroking her thumbs over the scarred skin. "Yes", she admits quietly. Taking a deep breath, she looks at him, a fierce spark in her eye. "I'm ready to talk. If you're okay to listen."

Azriel leans forward and kisses her, a tender touch that sends tingles through her. "I'm always here to listen when you need me to. I don't know if you've noticed, but listening intensely is the biggest part of my day job."

She can't help the chuckle that escapes her and the small smile that appears on her face. "That's true. I hope it's not too much of a chore to have to do that off-duty, however."

"Gwyn you are never a chore. You are the calm in my chaos. The stillness to my anxiety. The warmth to my coolness. The moonlight wherein my shadows thrive. My perfect mate. Every second with you is the dream I had always craved. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Gwyneth Berdara."

"And you were always my comfort, Azriel Erebus", she murmurs, laying her head on his chest, her hand tracing small circles over his heart. "Maybe it's unusual, or maybe it would seem...wrong somehow, to others. But those nights, in the library dormitory, when I felt—so alone and unworthy and tainted and...like a burden to the world...", she swallows, slowly looking up at him, "...my thoughts would wander to the male that saved me; that came in and destroyed them and that saw me there at my very worst and thought I was still worth saving in that moment."

A small sob catches in her throat. "And it made me try harder every day, to make my work or some interaction meaningful. So that everything you did that day for me wouldn't have been in vain. I did research on you; or tried anyway. There wasn't much information on you or on shadowsingers in general. But I knew about how you and Rhys and Cassian won the Rite, and about truth-teller. They did a disservice by not mentioning the things you had overcome in your childhood, to get to where you are now. It was just one single derogatory name. I hated that the moment I read it."

Azriel's shadows seem to rest on her shoulders, and he intertwines their fingers. "Bastard", he murmurs.

"You are not defined by your parentage. You can't help that, nobody can. And who were they to use that label? I'm sure half of Prythian wasn't conceived through formal unions. I wasn't either. How we are born isn't what matters. What we grow to be is what matters." She lifts a hand and strokes it through his jet-black hair. "I want to right the wrongs that are in the book, with your permission. I-I want to write what I know of you and of your shadowsinger abilities. But only if you allow me, and I'd never write anything you were uncomfortable with the next generations knowing, nothing too deeply personal. But I want to know about you, and I think others should know about you so they won't be falsely scared. You told me a few times that shadowsinger isn't a title to be earned, that you simply are one. I want to know what that means. I want to know everything about my amazing mate."

"Gwyn, I—", he lets out a shaky sigh. "I don't know."

She cups his face and looks into his eyes. "I know you're afraid of being too seen. I know you don't like talking about yourself. But, even if you don't want me to rewrite the books on the Inner Circle, regarding you, I still would like to know. For myself, as your mate. As someone you can trust with your whole huge heart, Azriel."

"One day I want the researchers and acolytes and anyone else who visits the library to learn by seeing my writings on shadowsingers."

"I already have a small portion of the book that the High Lords and their Inner Circles are mentioned in. That's fine for me", Az retorts.

"But that barely says anything about you, it's horrid. You are not just some three-sentence afterthought. You are incredible. Powerful and unique in every way. And so much more than that. You have such a strong heart, Az."

"I'm fine with only my mate and my friends knowing that."

"Does the Inner Circle even know about you in-depth? Because I haven't seen any clues that they do or that they've tried to, love. I know you don't like anyone prying, and I'm sure they are respecting that. But I'm your mate; I'm supposed to push you and encourage you. And I'm not okay with you being a footnote in history when you've more than earned your spot for recognition and should have it. You deserve more. Your ancestors deserve more. Especially now that we know one of them was a keeper of the fourth trove. You and shadowsingers like you, past, present, and future deserve to be known and learned about. Deserve to be seen as the people that they are under the powers, the good acts you and they have done for Prythian. Az, you are sensitive, loving, self-sacrificing, protective, and loyal, albeit extremely powerful. You told me that people look at you and shy away because of your darkness, your shadows. You don't deserve that treatment from people you serve, especially just because they don't understand you. That's not fair." Gwyn looks at him lovingly.

"One day soon, I will...I will show you about...me. Or at least what I know of myself, alright? But right now, I think we have gotten off subject."

Gwyn sighs and nuzzles his chest. "Right...the consequences of me being clumsy with the harp."

"You were not clumsy, Gwyn. It was not you who brushed the other string."

She looks confused and he rubs his neck. "It was...one of the shadows. They told me, and I've already scolded them. Thoroughly. However, they are protective of you as well, so I couldn't understand why they would put you in danger. But they told me you were not in danger, and that they knew the precise amount of pressure to bring you to what ails you. Whatever the hell that means. Sometimes they can be so cryptic, it's a whole other job trying to decode their whispers."

She gapes a bit and the shadows float from her shoulders to twine around their joined hands and up their arms, as if in apology, brushing their skin ever so slightly. It feels like the tip of a feather.

Letting out an amused chuckle, she crinkles her nose and looks down at them. "I thought you guys liked me, why did you have me thinking I was clumsy, hm?"

A few of the bolder shadows float up and play with her hair and brush her cheek until she laughs at the tickle against her skin. "Okay, okay, I forgive you. Plus...", she says, holding her hand out for them to twirl between her fingers and around her wrist, "...maybe you had a point in doing that. I don't know how you little guys know what you know, but thank you. For giving me closure. Or, as much closure as I could get."

Azriel watches her, both in awe and puzzled as she carries on a conversation with his shadows. "Mh, I see how it is", he murmurs, the corner of his mouth twitching amusedly.

Gwyn looks over at him and blushes. "Oh, I—they—you're still waiting for me to tell you what happens, aren't you?", she turns red. "Right."

Az grins at her and pulls her close again, kissing her cheek. She bites her lip and sits on his lap, wrapping her arms around him and lying her head on his shoulder. "What the shadows told you was correct. They did...bring me to what ailed me. Which was the constant guilt over my sister's death", she whispers.

He strokes her hair and looks at her. "Gwyn...that wasn't your fault."

"No, but in a way it was. I could have told them where the children were. I could have made something up. I could have probably done a hundred different things differently that day. It's been running through my head every day since it happened, Az. The guilt drowns me." She buries her face in his neck and clings to him. "So much so, that I haven't allowed myself to swim because my sister adored swimming. I haven't allowed myself to do anything that was special to her, or my mother either. I don't wear my invoking stone because how can I ever be worth that honor? I don't swim because how can I enjoy it when they're gone?"

Azriel holds her close to him, content in her warmth but his heart aching for her inner struggles, knowing all too well the feeling of unworthiness. "Gwyn you're worth everything. Every single good thing."

She sniffs and trails her fingers over the sapphire-colored siphon on the top of his hand. "It transported me to an alternate universe where my entire family was alive and together. Both of my parents were there and happy together, and Catrin was alive. And me. I got to spend what seemed like half a day with them. We were swimming and talking and it was incredible. And my sister actually believed me when I tried to explain the entire situation to her. It was surreal and perfect except for one thing."

"What was that?", he says softly, breathing her in.

"I didn't know you in that world. Since none of that bad stuff happened, I never met you. I don't even know if you existed there, I didn't get the time to check. I had my mom and my dad and my sister, and seeing them being alive and well and happy...it was incredible." She sighs and presses a kiss to his neck and his eyes flutter.

"But I knew it wasn't real and I also knew that I missed you like crazy. The whole experience enlightened me to realize that things happen for a reason, even the terrible things. And after talking to Catrin about my guilt, it felt like she lifted a lot of the heaviness from me. She really loves me, and she doesn't want me to be miserable. She doesn't blame me." Tears spring to her eyes and she swallows.

"As much as I love my family, and I wish they could be here and alive together...you are my future, Az. I can't bring back people from the past and I'm slowly learning that I can't stay trapped there. I found my mate. I found you again, and I want to move forward. That doesn't mean the pain won't linger from their losses, but I can take comfort in the fact that I have a whole future with the most amazing male I've ever known. So the shadows were right. I needed that to be able to move on with you properly. I needed my sister's blessing and that closure I had never gotten when she was killed. Now that I have it, I'm ready. To face everything I've been refusing to face...being worthy enough to move on with my life. A life that I am blessed with." Gwyn leans up and presses a kiss to his lips.

Azriel blushes slightly and cups her face, the blue of his siphons casting a cool glow on their features as he kisses back lovingly. After a moment she pulls back and looks into his eyes, smiling. "I love you, Azriel. I—I want this life with you. I want everything with you. I know that I can get through anything if I have you encouraging me. I know I have a lot of trauma, and you have been so incredibly patient with me taking it slow."

"Gwyn, you should know that I'd wait as long as it takes for you to be in a good place. You're right, I will be here to help you through everything. But you've come so far already and I'm so proud of you for it. You had the courage to train and become a Carynthian and a Valkyrie, and more recently you left the library dormitories. Gwyn, that was a huge step. A gigantic step. You moved into our house with me." He grins cutely. "I didn't think we would be living here together for years. I thought you would need much more time, and I was fine with that. But you did it. You're always shocking me in the best ways."

Gwyn wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly, gently stroking the hair at the nape of his neck. They stay in each other's arms silently for a while, just soaking up the other's presence.

"I want to know everything there is to know about you", she mumbles into his shoulder. "I would never shy away. I want the good, the bad, and the dicey. I want you at your best and your worst. I want all of it with you. I promise. I'd never judge you or leave you. I'd never abandon you. I'd never hurt you", she whispers.

He tears up and swallows hard, pressing his nose into the side of her neck. "I can't help but have demons as well, Berdara."

"No, you can't help it. But I can prove them all wrong, just as you will prove mine wrong. We are mates, and we will heal as mates." She pulls away to look at him and gently strokes a tear from his face. "We are equally matched, shadowsinger", she smiles softly. "In both strengths and in weaknesses. Let's prove our insecurities wrong, together."

Azriel nods and tangles his hand in her hair, kissing her deeply as she gasps, sinking into his touch and delving her fingers into his hair as well. "Mmm", he hums against her lips. Gwyn pushes him closer and opens for him, their tongues dancing against one another's.

.

.

.

Eris paces back and forth in front of the doors to the Dawn Court palace, as Nuan watches him amusedly. "This is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. Horrible idea. This is—"

"A bad idea?", Nuan finishes, flashing him a smirk.

"This isn't funny. I just died, Nuan. I died. And my father and my mother think I'm dead, and my Court thinks I'm dead, and what am I supposed to do? I-I can't just leave it to rot or my mother to—"

Nuan takes a few strides forward and moves onto her tiptoes, grabbing his biceps and kissing him. He stiffens before relaxing slightly as she pulls back and stares up at him. "Take a breath, Eris", she says softly. "I know you just went through something horrible, and you are in a state of panic about the repercussions. But you will not be able to think straight or come to terms with any of this unless you breathe and calm down." She glances down at his hands which are trembling, as she grabs them in her smaller ones, squeezing. "I'm sorry if it seemed I was making light of this. That wasn't my intention. It was horrible...seeing you like that", she swallows. "I tend to make light of things when it gets too heavy."

He tries to slow his heartbeat and he squeezes her hands back. "No, I shouldn't have snapped like that. It was actually quite comforting to see that teasing smirk of yours. I'm—I'm—"

Nuan hugs him tightly and he breathes shakily, hugging her weakly. He clenches his jaw and prevents the tears from coming, his throat clogging up uncomfortably.

"It'll be alright", she whispers. "It's okay now. I promise."

Eris squeezes his eyes shut before moving away from the hug, wringing his hands awkwardly. "Uhh yeah, if they don't refuse me. I don't have many or...any—friends in Prythian so..."

"They won't refuse you. I'll talk to them. C'mon." She grabs his arms and pulls him through the doorway, into the large airy foyer. She can feel the way his entire body tenses as he walks through the door and she can't help but wonder if it's a trauma response from living at the Forest House. "You're safe here, Eris. As our guest, you become one with us. Any act against you would then be an act against our Court. And it would be dealt with."

"Your Court does not deserve a war over me."

"Then they won't know you're here. We don't have to tell them, as they believe you to be dead. We have no obligation to prove otherwise."

He looks away as tears finally threaten his vision, his strength beginning to slowly strip away as his body becomes heavy and exhausted.

"Eris", she whispers. "C'mon. Let's go upstairs. I'll bring you to your room and you can rest. It's late and I'm sure the High Lords are asleep or otherwise occupied. I'll speak to them in the morning and everything will work out. Right now you need rest."

He shakes his head. "No, I can't—I can't sleep, I need to figure out what to do. I need to get word to my mother and Autumn...it needs—"

Nuan grabs his elbow and pulls him up the long staircase and he follows in a daze of stress and panic. "No. Right now you need to rest. Everything else can be sorted out later. You have just been through something very traumatic. Though, I suppose your life is traumatic in and of itself. My point is, you deserve some downtime. To simply be, with no expectations or threat of harm. You deserve to turn off that fight or flight switch that you have been conditioned to cling to and live with. You can breathe here, Eris."

He allows her to bring him to a bedroom and sit him down on the bed. With a wave of her arm, matching dark green pajamas appear next to him. She takes a step and lightly cups his cheek. "I know that you've probably felt like the entire world is against you, and you've had to fake being a bad guy. But I know the real you, or at least I like to think that I do after how you've trusted me with the real you the last handful of months. I'm on your side, Eris. Whatever happens...at the end of the day, if nobody else is, I will stand by you. I see you."

Unable to hold back anymore, tears flood his vision and Nuan hugs him tightly, wrapping her arms around his neck, he wraps his around her middle and sniffles, leaning into her warmth and the comfort of her embrace.

"I feel like I'm going insane", he chokes out. "Everything is wrong and not going to plan and blowing up in my face—" He breathes shakily and she strokes his newly cropped hair.

"I know...but I will help you. You don't have to go through this by yourself like everything else. You have me now. Your healing is of the utmost importance to me."

"Why?", he asks brokenly, looking up at her weakly. "Why do you care? Why have you cared? Why have you even given me a chance? I have been horrible to everyone since I was born, just trying to protect everything that needed to be protected from Beron, myself included."

Nuan moves onto the bed and sits cross-legged, Eris turning to face her. "Because I saw your reactions when we spoke at the ball, and I could see the pain behind your eyes and the snappy responses. When we got friendlier, the male that I assumed was under all that heavy guise came out. The real you. And he is worth it. Plus, at the High Lords' meeting, when I showed everyone my faebane antidote, I knew that they wouldn't take me seriously. Firstly because I am a female scientist, but secondly, because I am not related to a High Lord, and I don't particularly carry potent powers. Just healing, and the power of my mind. But you piped up and had faith in my work. You said you would take it, even when Beron scolded you. I think that was the first time I realized that the infamous Eris Vanserra, heir of the Vanserra clan, could be a good male if he weren't so leashed by that evil dictator."

Eris sniffs and looks at her, slowly reaching over to take her hands—one of metal and one of flesh. "I don't want to rope you into this. Everyone I care about gets harmed. Nuan, I can't fathom losing you too. It's a constant pattern and I can't...I can't continue to get too close to you. Beron will figure out that I'm alive and if he believes that you had anything to do with it or if he realizes that I have feelings f—", he cuts himself off and blushes, looking down at their hands.

Nuan bites her lip a bit and squeezes his hands. "You have feelings for me?"

"It doesn't matter. I shouldn't. I can't. My...my care is a poison. It gets people killed."

Nuan crawls over and hugs him close again, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he turns red. "I have feelings for you too." Pulling back, she looks into his eyes, her dark ones gazing into his russet ones. "But your healing comes first. Relationships rooted in trauma never work. Look at Tamlin and Feyre. Even if Rhys wasn't her mate, I don't think they would have lasted because they were both broken. Until you can come to a point where you can recognize that you are allowed to care and allowed to feel and allowed to try and love—whether it be your daughter your brother, or me, then I will be here if you still want to give...us...a try", she says softly, her thumb brushing over his cheek.

Tears slowly make their way down his face as he looks at her, the picture of perpetual anguish. "My home Court would claim that a female like you wouldn't deserve me, simply for your status of power and because you aren't...aesthetically perfect", he murmurs, motioning to her metal appendage. "But you are to me, and I am the one who does not deserve you, Nuan."

She leans closer and just slightly taps her nose on his. "Yes, you do. You deserve anything you desire. You deserve happiness, and a life without pain, Eris. I think that this is a good start, you being here and getting the chance to be out from under your father's thumb finally. Your healing journey starts now, and I am glad to be a part of it."

Eris leans into her and lifts his hands to cup her face, looking over her beautiful Xianic features, appreciating how gorgeous she is. "I-...I am glad you are too", he whispers, pressing his lips to hers.