Nuan hums softly as she experiments with a new potion in her lab. The students have been doing exceptionally well and are finishing up their final project. As she moved to the cabinet to get another beaker, her lab coat swishes behind her, and her ponytail sways.

She sighs at her gleaming gold hand, functioning perfectly fine as usual, but her arm where it connects about four inches above her wrist has been sore lately. That means she needs to make more adjustments again.

After dismissing her students for the day, she goes back over to her workstation and uses a dropper to blend two liquids. She has been working vigorously on a prototype of a gel-type substance that can work as healing magic outside of the body for those who don't possess it. It could save a lot of lives in battle if applies over a stab wound or slashing; even lashes. And the hope is that it will also be resistant to faebane, working despite it.

She'd be lying if she said this project wasn't inspired by Eris and what he had divulged to her what living with Beron was like. All those scars on him...

A shudder wracks through her and her heart drops just thinking about it. He deserves this. An extended break, a relief, the time to live, heal, and breathe without fear. The only problem is that he seems exceptionally stir-crazy. Understandable if you had been under so much pressure for so many centuries without a break. It would be jarring to anyone to suddenly not have to be under that anymore.

As if thinking of him could summon him, he walks into the lab and smiles sheepishly at her, running a hand through his now-shortened hair. Nuan sighs quietly and puts down the materials, taking her goggles off.

"Hi."

"Hi", he breathes out.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I, uh...I just...I don't know really. I asked Thesan to give me a job or something to do and his response was to tell me to enjoy being able to relax. I didn't really know what to do with that so I wandered around the villages for a while, but...I-I don't—", he chokes up a bit.

She throws away her gloves and goes over to him, hugging him closely. Eris sucks in a breath and hugs her tightly, his head dipping to rest on her shoulder. "I don't know who I am, Nuan", he murmurs brokenly. "I have no purpose, no goal. Nothing to do. I-I don't know what to do with myself. It seems like just breathing without trying to pace the oxygen I'm using is fucking hard. I guess I never realized how much I was fucked up."

She lightly strokes his fingers through his red hair and closes her own eyes, her heart breaking for him. "You'll find yourself again. The new you will be so much more amazing because you will grow and blossom and realize that you are worthy of care and that you deserve true happiness. That your life does not have to be all pain and waiting."

"I know that I'm irritating you. I can tell. I know that I have been clingy, incessant, and bothersome."

"I understand why you are stir-crazy, Eris."

"I'm still in fight or flight mode, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm in a constant state of paranoia and in the silence it's...it's always worse in the silence."

Nuan pulls back and cups his handsome, freckled face. "It is going to take time. I know that maybe you figure since you're this big, strong male that you can just move on like nothing ever happened. But you can't. It's important to confront your feelings. You are allowed to do that here. Nobody will hurt you for feeling. For having natural reactions to things. You've been through too much to bottle it all up and let it rot away at you any longer than it already has through the centuries."

Tears well in his eyes, but he looks numb at the same time. "I know that uh...you're busy. Your work is important."

"What do you need, Eris?"

He sniffles and rubs his face. "I don't know. I'm sorry. I...I needed—"

"What?", she coaxes, tipping his chin to meet her gaze.

"Someone to remind me that my life isn't over. To remind me why they brought me back, because I don't think I deserved it."

"Eris..."

"They risked so much to bring me back. My daughter risked so much to bring me back. She put a currency on my life. She...she thought it was valuable, that I meant something. But I don't, Nu. I-I don't", he chokes out. "I don't know how to spend the price she placed upon me, how to move forward knowing that I have done such horrible things in the past for my father, or how to deal with everything else that I've done to try and help people behind my father's back, knowing I could get murdered for it. But those times...I didn't care, because they were bigger than me, more important than me. But I still carry so much fucking guilt. So fucking much that I'm already dead inside", he says, his voice breaking.

Tears fall down her face as she listens to him.

"I gave it my all. I tried—I tried to protect my mother, I tried to protect Lucien, and Marina, and Morrigan. I tried to do what they all needed when they needed, while also balancing my father never finding out because I'm the only fucking person who can restore Autumn. And just...everything is on my back", he chokes out, sinking to his knees and burying his face in his hands. "Even now just fucking being here makes me feel guilty because I am not there trying to make everything better", he sobs. "I don't deserve a break, I can rest when everyone is safe, and happy, and out from under his thumb I—"

Nuan sinks to his level and grabs his hands gently, squeezing, allowing him to cry and let it all out. "You did protect them, Eris."

He shakes his head. "No, I didn't", he sobs. "I didn't. My mother and I used binding magic on Lucien his whole life which could have had a bad effect, we got fucking lucky that it didn't. And he still doesn't know who he is because of Beron and the huge lie that I was forced to keep, to keep him alive. Plus, my mother still gets beatings from him, even when I try to take as many as I can from her, and you don't even want to know how my youngest siblings were conceived. I left Morrigan nailed and bleeding out on that border because I knew her fate would be worse if she were trapped in Autumn with Beron the way I was. It would have been just as horrific as living with Keir, but worse because he would have forced us to—gods...you don't want to know. I wouldn't have done that, but she still would have been stuck with me against her will. And Marina...", he breaks down, tears rushing down his face. "Marina and my girls…my girls, that I was never there for, and now she and Catrin are both killed because I should have been there, gods, I should've been there! I did not fucking deserve to be brought back when they can't be! I should not be here!", he bawls.

She scoots closer and hugs him tightly, rocking him gently as she cries silently with him. "You should not have had to deal with all of that or have been put into those situations because of your fear. I'm so sorry, Eris."

"I swear—I-I always did what I could. It was so difficult. But I'm not without fault. I made some decisions that were totally wrong in the moments and I carry that guilt with me always."

"You always tried your best with what you were facing. Nobody is perfect. You were also under duress."

"That doesn't make it right. My father...he made me tell him Jesminda's name. I only said that it was Jes. I had no idea he sent my other brothers to spy on both me and Lucien. So when they found her..." he sniffles and looks away. "He wanted me to assist in her murder and I refused so he locked me in the dungeon with his ruthless guards for hours. By the time I had enough strength to leave, she was dead, and Lucien was next. I did the only thing I could think of and told my only friend at the time to get a message to Tamlin to get the fuck over to his border to save my brother from our other siblings. I knew that he would run in the direction of Spring because there was a temple...Sangravah, between our Courts, where the priestesses would have given him food and shelter if he had needed for the night if he had asked, but there were also a series of caves, and I knew he was very good at camping and outdoor survival. I always admired that about him. He was always a kid of nature. Wild, free...anyway, he made it, but I can't help but blame myself for his love being killed to begin with."

"If he had spies, he would have stopped at nothing to find her. You know that. It was not your fault, Eris. It was inevitable because of Beron's evil. That is on him, not you."

He pulls his knees to his chest and lies his forehead on his knees, doing his best to drag air into his lungs, breaking. "Lucien could have had such a good life if not for Beron. And I...my mother and I stole that from him to keep him safe. We just wanted to keep him safe", he whispers. "But it's not fair to him. It's still not fair to him."

"What isn't fair, Eris?" Her brow furrows and she looks at him questioningly.

"I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone else unless it's him. But my family...there are secrets. Lucien, he's...he's special, Nu. He was loved, he was a gift. Not like me or our brothers...", he whispers shakingly.

Nuan cups his cheek. "You are loved too. You were a gift as well."

He shakes his head and squeezes his russet eyes shut. "No. I was the catalyst. I'm the reason that all of these atrocities happened. Everything awful is my fault. I was conceived when my mother was chosen as his maiden for the Rite, and my mother's parents bound her to Beron because of it, because of me." More tears fall down his face. "I am the polar opposite of a gift. I was a fucking curse. I did this to her, to what is now our disgusting family. It's all on me."

She kisses him softly and shakes her head, putting her forehead on his. "No. Eris we don't choose when or how we are conceived. That's silly. It is not on you, okay? We can't assume to know everything that happened then. But what happened, happened, and you were meant to be here. Okay?"

"I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I tried to prevent it when I could. But my father...I-I couldn't stop him from doing all the things he did, even if I tried."

"I know, Eris. I know. Everyone knows that. You will be alright now. You can have a relationship with your daughter, you can make things right with Lucien. All we can do is pray that there is a fallout to Beron working with those horrid Queens. I have no doubt that in their quest for power, they would use him or siphon him. And as horrible as wishing for someone's death is, I have no qualms about hoping it kills him. For what he did to you your entire family and Court."

"I don't want anyone to see me like this. I need...time."

"You have time. You are safe here. Look, why don't I wrap up for the day and I'll go home with you? We can relax for the rest of the night. How does that sound?"

He nods slowly and forced himself up, holding her hand lightly and pressing a kiss to it. "You shouldn't have to deal with my bullshit."

"I don't have to. I want to. There is a difference."

"Why?"

"Because I care about you."

"Why?", he mumbles.

"I see the real you, and he deserves to be nurtured instead of quashed. That's why." Nuan kisses his cheek softly. "Things will work out. I promise."

Eris looks at her weakly and swallows the lump in his throat. "I'm worried about my mother. She still thinks I'm gone, and I don't know how she would react to that. We were kinda the only two in the family that were close, but only in private because well...appearances. Sometimes it was nice to talk to someone because I had no friends due to Beron. It was...it was so isolating. Having nobody in my own Court except for vendors I would make an excuse to see just to converse with someone outside my family that didn't have to do with business. I had a friend, but he was one of my guards and I'm fairly sure Beron set up his death so I would stop being 'distracted'. His motto was 'feel nothing, analyze everything'. Plus, everyone outside of my Court hated me for the persona I had to wear. The cocky, arrogant, despicable heir of a tyrant. I spent so long living that way that some days I couldn't decipher that persona from who I really am."

"And who is that?"

He looks up at her weakly. "Not my father."

She hugs him closer and strokes her hand through his hair again before pressing a kiss to her lips and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Definitely not your father. You are a good male, Eris. You will have that time to shine when you are ready. Right now, we are going to keep working on helping you heal from everything he has done to you okay?"

He nods weakly and a stray tear falls from his eye. "Okay. Thanks for helping me", he whispers.

"Of course. Let's go home, hm?"

"Okay."

.

.

.

Eris and Nuan walk into the Dawn Palace and see Thesan getting fitted for yet another colored jacket. One of his vices, he claims. He dismisses the seamstress and smiles at them. "How are we doing today?"

Eris grumbles. "I'm bored, that's how I'm doing."

"Oh, Eris", he tsks. "You are overworked. Distracting yourself from your feelings with work is not a coping mechanism. Learning to live with yourself when you have nothing else to do is important. But I can see that you decided to bug Nuan instead."

She pipes up and sighs. "He didn't bug me, he just...was going a little stir-crazy wandering around. Anyway, I might take him out to tonight. Into the city", she grins, a twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh? That should be interesting. Let me know how it goes", he snorts.

Eris looks between them confusedly. "Why do I feel like this is some kind of trap?"

Nuan giggles and shrugs. "I don't know, why do you?"

"Because of that sly look on your face. You're channeling Autumn, you could be labeled a fox as well. In more ways than one."

Nuan raises an eyebrow and chuckles. "Why, Eris Vanserra, are you flirting with me?"

"Oh good, you noticed", he smirks.

"You'll love it. I promise."

"I will hold you to that."

"I should hope so."

.

.

.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Are you?"

Lucien sighs. "I am technically a part of your family now, so...I can't exactly avoid them forever, now, can I? Plus, as you mentioned, I should probably make amends with Feyre. I know that we have, but it's still been weird and you were right when you said that I should address it. But she's so different now from the woman who had become my friend. We both did things that we were not proud of, but...she used me and she just keeps looking for ways to hate me and I thought we were over that. If she hates me for still being a friend to Tamlin, then that is her prerogative, but I still talk to her and I don't necessarily like her husband. I've said that I no longer wish to take sides and that they both have to deal with me being friends with both of them."

"What exactly do you mean that she used you?"

"Out of that whole rant, that's what you picked up on? I don't think you want to know, Ellie. It will only upset you, and it was a long time ago."

"Lucien."

He straightens his vest on top of his button-up and sighs, glancing at her in the mirror from behind him. "After you were forced into the Cauldron and she had...become a bit of an actress to be taken back to Spring, I knew that she was there to get revenge on Tamlin. I could see her mating tattoo under her glamour because this eye allows me to do that", he says. Motioning to his gold eye. "But I did not know how far she was willing to take it, or that she would drag innocent people through the mud to do so. And stupid me, I was...reeling, and emotional about finding out you were my mate and not Jesminda. And Feyre was...I think she knew that I had always found her fairly attractive, and well...uh..."

Elain's eyes widen. "You didn't—"

"Oh, no! No, I didn't sleep with her. Absolutely not. The thing is, she had a nightmare, or maybe she faked it, I'm not sure. But instead of running to Tamlin, she ran to me, and well...since I had been in bed, I was in my usual state of undress, but I did pull trousers on when she barged in. Anyway...she was getting very...emotional...but also a little...sensual. I have to admit, she almost drew me in. Almost. Luckily, I came to my senses but not before Tamlin saw us. She had planned for him to see. I got in a very bad tussle with him that night, trying to defend myself and saying that nothing happened. Because I knew that it very much looked like it had. Feyre used me as a pawn. She wanted to drive him mad and test his loyalties. She wanted me to hate him too, and I was so stupid and emotional that I let all my frustration get to me in the way she wanted. I was done with everything and everyone. I didn't trust anyone. Not Tamlin, not Feyre. It was a bad time...but when Feyre basically laid ruin to the entire place and fled, I fled with her because she had saved me in that moment, not Tamlin."

Elain looks at him, stunned, her eyes soft and full of pity. "Saved you?"

He blows out a breath and rubs his face, then brushes his long, red hair. "I'm sure you know about Ianthe."

"Oh, gods, that vile, horrific, evil...", she breathes out, shuddering at the memory of Ianthe leading the Hybern soldiers into her home to kidnap her and Nesta.

"She had lusted after any male that she deemed attractive. But somehow, she had her sights mostly set on me. For ages, I had tried to evade her. Her debauchery and promiscuity knew no bounds, even for a fae female. But once she was working with Hybern, she was...powerful. She had his spells and tools at her disposal. She found me near the border checking for monsters and had knocked me out. Whether it was her or someone working for her, I don't know, it was from behind. She must have glamoured herself or something because I didn't hear or scent anyone. Anyway, this was already after she had rigged Calanmai and forced the magic to choose her as the maiden when I had offered to take over for Tamlin after Feyre left him. And that...that was torture worse than lashings. My body was infiltrated with magic that forced me to want her when that was the worst fate I could ever have imagined. I was disgusted and felt so filthy", he rambles on, his voice shaking, then pauses to steady it before continuing.

"But um...after she had knocked me out, she used Hybern cuffs to chain me to a tree. She was fully intent on uhh...taking...me, again. Where I could not evade her, and when I was not intoxicated with magic."

Elain gasps and her eyes fill with tears. "No..."

"Yes...and while Feyre was fleeing, she came across us. She ended up freeing me using whatever powers she has within her and made Ianthe destroy the hand she had laid on me. I was grateful for that. So I told her that I was coming with her. Not only because my home was destroyed then, but because I wanted to check on you and make sure that you were alright. I needed to be near you, even if I wasn't near you."

She jumps into his arms, and he gasps before hugging her tightly. Her arms and kegs wind around him as she peppers him in kisses. "I'm sorry. That is awful, and I'm glad she saved you, but I will have words with her for her audacity in trying to seduce my mate, all to end up getting you hurt for her agenda. Not okay!"

"Sunshine, I'm fine now."

"That's not the point. She owes you many apologies. I don't care if you've both gone back and forth and that your friendship is fractured because of it. You have always admitted your wrongdoings and apologized, and she has not. I'm sick of it. She needs to realize the type of arrogance that she has grown into since becoming High Lady, and that it's not pretty."

Lucien places his forehead against hers and brings a hand up to caress her cheek. "You said it, not me", he smirks slightly.

Elain sighs and kisses him lovingly, twirling a strand of his hair between her fingers. "Mmm...I have my voice and a clear head now, and I intend to use them. Whether my sisters like it or not. I love you, Lucien Vanserra and I know you love me. Nothing anyone can say about us will take that away, at least. Not anymore. I'm not under Nesta's overprotection, or Feyre's iron fist anymore. I'm living for myself, even if I'm still working on myself. I have you to thank for that."

"No. You only have yourself to thank. I may have persuaded you, but it was your choice and your own path to forge. Though, I am pleased you chose the path that led to me", he murmurs, kissing her again. "Mhh. We should get going, or I won't make it out of this bedroom with you", he says, his voice dipping an octave.

Elain giggles and brushes her nose on his before hopping off of him. "Agreed", she winks, and he stifles a groan. He has a pretty good idea that she knows exactly what that does to him. He admires her pale lavender dress, form-fitting, but flowing enough to it to spin around at the skirt when she does.

Holding a hand out, she graciously takes it, smiling, before they winnow to the River House for a family dinner that Feyre had planned.

.

.

.

Appearing in front of the front door, Lucien knocks, slipping am arm protectively around Elain's waist.

To their surprise, Cassian opens the door, a grin on his face. "Elucien! You made it!"

Elain scrunches her face. "Elu-what?"

"It's your couple's name", he smirks. "It's easier to say one name than two. I've been giving everyone couple's names. It's quite fun."

Lucien scoffs. "That's ridiculous."

"Hm, so…you and Nesta would be...Casta?"

Cassian laughs. "I suppose that works, but I like Nessian better. Plus, wouldn't you think Nesta would want her name first?"

Elain laughs softly and nods. "That is true. So Azriel and Gwyn...would be Gwynriel? Or Azwyn", she grins.

"Exactly!", Cassian exclaims.

Lucien smirks. "So then, Feyre and Rhysand..."

"What about us?", Feyre pipes up, entering the living area, Rhys in tow."

"Feysand!", Cassian exclaims, giddy as a child. Nesta is sitting on the sofa and groans, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Ugh, you are still on this, Cass?"

"It's fun! I'm shocked you didn't tell me about it sooner. You know, that's what she and the girls do with their favorite book couples? They give them a shippy name."

"A ship name, Cassian. And it isn't meant to be applied to real life, it's a fan thing."

"But it's fun, Nes!"

Feyre chuckles softly and hands Elain a glass of white wine, which she takes with a small thank you.

She glances over at Lucien, talking to Cassian and Nesta, then at Rhys, who is talking to Azriel who had come from the dining area with Gwyn—most likely helping to set up. Azriel never seems to rest when it comes to busying himself, and Gwyn has been trying to fit in with this dysfunctional family since finding out she was Azriel's mate, so it's no shock that she would do everything to help and seem polite.

"Feyre, can we talk?"

Feyre sighs and looks at her apprehensively. "Look, if this is about your issues with Rhys because of the past, I told you before, that I am over that, and we have moved forward. It is my choice to forgive him and—"

"This isn't about Rhys", Elain cuts her off. "Though, I'm sure I could say a whole lot more about him. This is about you."

"Me? What have I done, now? I did what I had to, to get to where I am now, and I'm not sorry for it."

Elain hooks her arm in his sister's and leads her to the empty hall. "There are things you should be sorry for, though. And it's been on my mind and really bothering me lately."

"Look, Elain, I need to get Nyx from Nuala in a moment so she can help Cerridwen with dinner."

Elain forces herself not to roll her eyes but scoffs. "Right, because you are a high society elite now who has built-in nannies, housekeepers, cooks, and spies all rolled into one because they are 'lesser' fae and don't matter to you."

"What? That's not true!"

"Oh, really? When was the last time you bought them a solstice gift? Or you know, gave them a vacation? Or ever actually sat and spoken to them about their lives, their childhoods, the dreams they had growing up in a war-addled Prythian?"

Feyre's face goes pale.

"Never. Because once you were High Lady, you got prestige and got to be spoiled the way that we never got to be as kids. But while you enjoy this, you forget about everyone else below you. You forget that you, me, Nesta, used to be the people below others. The ones who were exiled and degraded. You forget, Feyre, what it is like to just be a person. And that's not the sister I grew up with, and not the sister I loved. It seems like you simply don't care about anyone other than this Inner Circle anymore. While I get that you deserve to be happy and thrive, that does not mean you should get to be ignorant or dismissive of everyone else now."

"I'm not. You have no idea what I do on a daily basis, Elain; none at all."

"I know that you raise your son and keep tabs on news of possible threats. And that's fine and great. But as I said, you have never talked to Nuala and Cerridwen for more than a second or unless you're asking them to do something for you. They are underappreciated here. The funny thing is, that's not even why I wanted to talk to you, but you brought it up and I wasn't going to stay quiet when I felt I shouldn't. I'm not doing that anymore."

Feyre wrings her hands. "I will try to be better, Elain. I will...talk to the twins. Maybe give them a vacation or something. But what did you want to actually talk to me about?"

"Lucien."