Eris paces back and forth on the balcony, taking in the beautiful dawn as he had for the past couple of weeks, and breathing in the fresh air as the glow warms his face. His freckles have gotten significantly darker due to the sun here, whereas the Autumn Court is usually more overcast and cooler, and the sun is not nearly as impactful.
The Autumn Court. His home. One that gave him nothing but pain and horror from the moment he was born. And yet, he is still homesick. He wonders how Lucien survived so long being away from it. Clearly, he could not return, similar to Eris now. But that fact does not make staying away any easier. At least Lucien could have the ease of mind that he was there to tend to their mother. But now...she is on his mind all the time. With nobody there to speak up to or protect her from Beron, what is she doing? Does she truly believe him dead? Would she grieve for him?
He thinks she would. No...he knows she would. If anyone there would grieve him there, it would be his mother, despite all her flaws.
Letting out a deep sigh, a hand sneaks over his back and Nuan rests her head on his bicep. "Good morning."
He blushes and peers down at her, clad in nothing but her emerald green and very lacy nightgown that shows off many of her...assets. "Good morning", he replies, leaning down and pressing a light kiss to her lips. "You look stunning for having just woken up."
Nuan smiles and slips her metal hand into his, intertwining their fingers. "Oh, I've been up for a hot minute. My hair was a tangled mess. That's what I get for not using a silk pillowcase because I was lazy and forwent the stepstool since I couldn't reach the shelf."
Eris chuckles lightly. "Well, I think you would look lovely even with disheveled hair. You're...
Gorgeous. Stunning. Beautiful?
"…breathtaking."
"That's quite the compliment. Possibly too big."
"Never too big", he replies, finding himself grinning at her as she smirks.
She reaches up with her natural hand and cups his cheek, dragging a thumb along his freckles. "That was one hell of a smile, Prince of Autumn."
He blushes and leans into her touch ever so slightly. "I am no prince, Miss Akira."
"If you are no prince, then I am no scientist. You certainly have the charms of one."
"Prince and Heir can be interchangeable, as can scientist and alchemist. One is more specific, yet...they both work."
He stares at her unabashedly for a moment before speaking. "Gods, you are so much smarter than me. You deserve way more credit and prestige than you've ever gotten. Hell, all the Court should have been paying you a hefty stipend for your work in the lab; for the faebane antidote. It is a precious commodity that would never have existed without your mind, Nuan."
"I don't do this kind of work for the money or for the prestige. I do it because it helps those in need. It was simply an honor just to know that I had a hand in saving Prythian's people as best as I could. I am very rusty at hand-to-hand combat", she smirks, holding up her metal hand as a pun. "Last time was not my luckiest day. "But it makes me happy that I can help behind the scenes and on the front lines. Even though technically myself and the 'weaker' of us are in the back lines", she chuckles.
"You never told me how you lost your hand", he whispers.
"Don't look so scared", she laughs. "I'm over it now, Eris."
"But...if you want the story, I'll tell you." She grabs his hands and leads him inside, sitting on the edge of his bed. "It was a small battle with Amarantha's...monster pack. About...thirty years ago now. They tried to take out our infirmaries and labs so we wouldn't create anything to use against them. I, along with everyone else who were hard at work that day fought them. Some of us were better at physical fighting than others. I was more trained with a sword than hand-to-hand. Anyway, one of her monsters had talons and went right after me. Those things were black as the pits of hell and sharper than swords. My hand was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and one of those talons took it clean off with one swipe. Sliced through the bone like butter. I'd never bled so much. Honestly, I thought I would be joining my parents, but they had fought so hard to get me away from Xian that I couldn't give up. They gave their lives to give me a chance at a better one. I wasn't going to keel over and submit to death's clutches. Even with one hand. My friends all fell, one by one. By then I was on the ground. I had to pretend I was dead, or I would have been disemboweled like them. Then Vihan and his Peregryn legion showed up. They were horrified and looked guilty that they were too late, but they slaughtered all of those monsters. Gods, there was so much blood. When it was all over, I used what was left of my strength to make a noise so he would see that I was alive. I still remember the utter shock in his gaze as he looked from me to my severed hand before grabbing me and flying me to the palace. I was on death's door, but I refused to knock."
"Cauldron boil me..."
Thesan used his healing powers to slow the blood flow and the flesh...it closed up around it. Then I just had...a stump where my hand used to be. I grieved and felt sorry for myself for a while. But one day I realized that doing so wouldn't reverse anything. I had to learn to live with it. That's when I used what I knew of metalwork from my father centuries ago, and I began working on making a hand out of metal for myself. It took years and years to get it right. Lots of practice and tweaks. But eventually, I was good enough at it to make other things, like Lucien's eye.
"Did I ever thank you for that?"
"For what?"
"Restoring my brother's sight and giving him...well, making him look—better than he would have. You made it perfectly. And it may still be a sore spot for him, but it actually looks good compared to what it could have been."
"You don't need to thank me. Lucien has been a great friend to me for a very long time. I think we bonded over feeling like outcasts. We are both different—he and I. And not just for our physical detriments. We both are...intellectuals. We would rather use our heads than our muscles. We thrive in strategy and puzzles. We prefer to be in the background than the forefront. So when we met, it was easy to talk to one another. We became friends quickly."
"Mhh", he mutters, straightening up a bit.
Nuan giggles. "Ohh poor fire baby. You're not really jealous of that, are you?"
"Wh-what? Me? Jealous? Of Lucien? Pfft. No, never."
Nuan smirks and nudges him. "Well, that's good, because there is no reason to be. There was never anything but friendship, I swear to you. Plus, his eldest brother is the one who holds my attention the most these days", she says teasingly. "Especially those plush lips and adorable freckles...and your inner strength. Very admirable."
Eris clears his throat and reaches over, taking her hand gently. "Can you feel this? M-Maybe it's a dumb question."
She smiles as her mechanical fingers close around his, the same body temperature as the rest of her flesh. "No, it's not a dumb question. And...yes. I can feel your hand in mine. There are scholars that specialize in spells. Ones that the old fae or witches would use in the old world, the handful that are still known from being passed down are very powerful, but the rest were lost when Prythian was created. I got in contact with some of the elder scholars in the Day Court and they located a spell that could do things like...make a metal hand have feeling, or a metal eye see normally. Helion was so gleeful when it worked", she smiles brightly. He had the spell written in a scroll and locked away never to be lost from the minds of those who are nearing the end of their lifespans. Sounds morbid but...they had agreed, if it would help people. And it has, with each appendage I have created."
Eris shifts, pulling his legs up onto the bed, and crossing them as he turns toward her. His orange-red hair sticks out every which way near his ears where it was hacked off. "You've made a huge difference with your work. But your work is not the only thing about you." His russet eyes sparkle with intrigue. "You've...helped me a lot in such a short time. I'm still struggling." He takes a drawn-out breath. "Even admitting that—"
She sits cross-legged as well, looking into his eyes. "...is difficult for you. I know. You've been living your entire life in a place where you weren't allowed to show any sort of weakness or vulnerability. It won't come naturally for quite a while, Eris. I don't expect it to. It's actually amazing that you can verbally admit that you know you're having a hard time with things. I didn't even think that would come for a long time."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You sound like some sort of healer of the mind. You sure you haven't been certified in that too?", he chuckles lightly.
Nuan giggles. "I may have been thinking of expanding my horizons yet again. But no, I'm not certified. I told you that I would take you to see a friend if or when you're ready for that."
He shakes his head. "No. I—I'm not comfortable with anyone knowing the darkness inside of my head. Not unless I trust them and I-I don't trust...anyone, really. Except you and my mother and Lucien, even though he doesn't know everything, and my daughter who I have to protect so I can't tell her anything and—"
"E", she says softly, putting a hand on his knee. "Breathe. Nobody is making you. You can talk to me if you need to. I'm here, okay?"
"I know", he murmurs, taking her right hand and pressing his lips to her knuckles. "Thank you, for both your hospitality and for listening to me. For...seeing me...you're probably the first one who ever truly has."
Nuan's eyes soften and she grins, moving up on her knees to wrap her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "I do see you, Eris Vanserra. I see all of you, and I am not afraid. You have so much heart underneath all that pain. And you will get through it. I promise."
He clings to her and nuzzles her neck gently. "I will with you", he murmurs. "You're the first female I have had feelings for since, well, since Gwyn's mother. Honestly, I had forgotten what it was like to love. To receive it back. I-I mean I know...I didn't mean—"
Nuan grins cutely at how flustered he is and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Eris's eyes flutter closed as leans into her, gently sliding his hand through her black hair and cradling her head, kissing back deeply.
"Mmm..."
She pulls away just slightly, brushing her lips against his. "I know what you meant. And I have feelings for you too. We both know that. I just don't want to be the only incentive to healing. I want you to want to feel better for yourself, too. Not just for me, E."
"I know. And I do. I swear I do. But right now, I want to feel your lips on mine again", he murmurs deeply.
A shudder travels down her spine and she strokes his jawline. "Is that so?"
"That is very very so", he breathes, slowly trailing his hands down her sides against the silk of her nightgown.
"Eris", she murmurs, kissing him lovingly.
"Yes, Nu?", he mumbles back, lips against hers.
She swallows hard and pulls away to look at him, pressing closer against him and moving her legs to straddle his lap. "I..."
Eris lifts his right hand to gently tip her chin up to look at him. "I may be healing still, but I am one hundred percent sure of what I want. Being here and being able to not be on edge all the time...it allows me to make my own decisions. And I want you, Nuan. I know I want you. As long as you want me, too."
Her face flushes and her eyes drop to his full lips, then back to his eyes, a sense of hesitancy in her dark ones.
He blushes and kisses her forehead. "Unless I read this wrong", he says shyly, embarrassed.
"No...no, Eris, you didn't. It's just—"
"What?"
She takes a breath and hugs him close, breathing him in, his scent of cinnamon with a small air of firewood reaches her senses. "I just wonder if it's truly me that you want, or if you simply want anyone. You have been isolated your entire life."
Eris scoffs. "I am no stranger to trysts and hidden pleasure, Nuan. I have sought it out multiple times throughout my life. I've had those and they've all been...sufficient, but stale. But if we are being honest, the last person I slept with was Morrigan. It was a one-night thing where we were both in...emotional states and the mate bond hadn't helped. But it was once, and we never want it again, and now that the bond is gone, I have absolutely nothing shackling me to her anymore."
"But do you still love her?"
"Love?", he scoffs again.
"Yes", she whispers, cupping his face. "In the spirit of honesty."
He looses a breath and looks down. "I'm getting over her, and you are not a consolation prize or a rebound, if that's what you mean. I have real feelings for you. And I-I don't have those easily."
"I wasn't asking if I was, I was asking if you also have feelings for Morrigan still."
"They're fading." He strokes her hair back, twirling a dark lock between his fingers. "It's all complicated. I loved her when our engagement was announced. We were moderately friendly and she was gorgeous. I didn't know about our father's deal to wed us to one another until they announced it. Then she...started acting like she hated me. That she would rather die than touch me. And it hurt because while I was the son of Beron, I am nothing like him. And Mor was the only person I had feelings for since Marina. So I was upset, and I confronted her one day and asked her why she was so put off by the thought of marrying me. Aside from our power, we had always worked well together as emissaries of our Courts when needed. We had an argument, and she blurted out that she loved females. She...could only hold romantic feelings for females. And she was terrified of Keir finding out or anyone who could use it as leverage against her or her Court, if only for her cousin's sake. And I admit a part of me broke because I had wanted her. But I knew she dreamed of a life of freedom from Keir, and I quickly realized that if she were to be shackled to me, Beron would be just as tyrannical, and she would never have what she truly needed. She formally rejected our bond and then I—I looked at her and strategically told her to make sure to keep her purity in check because a noble heir of the Autumn Court would not want tainted trash as a bride. She got the hint. And I made that very distasteful and horrible outcry as if I were disgusted by her in front of my Court and my father. I did it to set her free. What we didn't plan for, was Keir nailing a note to her womb, saying she was my problem, and dumping her on the Autumn border."
Nuan cuddles him and blanches. "That's awful!"
"It was...I wanted to vomit. But I had to keep up the pretense if I were to give her what she wanted, what she needed. True freedom. Away from Beron. A life where she could make her own choices. I-I had to leave her there. Not only as a mate who wanted the best for her, but as someone who knows what it's like to never truly have a choice. If I had touched her...by Autumn Court law, she would have become my betrothed again regardless of her indiscretion. There was nothing else I could do for her. I had to play the game, and I had hoped that she felt my true feelings through our bond. I knew that Rhysand would hear about what Keir did and send someone to find her. I was relieved when they did. Thinking of her out there...sobbing in pain, looking at me to help her when I couldn't..."
He looks down. "I had to make the most difficult decision in my life because that bond was screaming at me to protect my mate", he chokes out. "But protecting her would have cost her everything she craved and would have resulted in worse wounds."
"So you ask me if I still have feelings for her. The short answer is yes, but not romantic ones. It makes me sad to think what we could have been if things had been different. And it makes me upset that I was branded a monster for it, and she eventually began to believe her own lie, forgetting what transpired between us. We had both kept it secret that we planned it. I will always care for her, because I don't think I could forget what that bond felt like. I will always feel a bit protective over her, especially when it comes to Keir. But I do not love her the way you are insinuating. I haven't for centuries."
"I love you, Nuan. Not because you're here, not because I want to rebel, and not because I'm lonely. I love you because I see you the way you see me. I love you because of your strength and kindness and intelligence. I love you because you're the first person I fell for that I actually have a choice to be with. I love you because you've shown me what it's like to live and breathe again. I don't have to hide how I feel, scheme to protect you, or leave you to save you. I can just be me, and you can just be you. And I hope that's enough for you."
She moves up onto her knees again, so they are face to face and she takes his face in both hands, her eyes filled with tears, nodding silently. "That's more than enough", she chokes out.
There is a knock on the door and they both startle, Nuan rushing over to wrap herself in a robe. Eris looks towards the door. "Who is it?"
A hesitant voice comes from behind the wood. "It's Mor."
Eris drags a hand down his face. "I didn't know we had a telepathic bond too", he mutters.
A small chuckle from Nuan, and he rolls his eyes, throwing the door open once she has her robe on. Mor does a double take of him shirtless, in nothing but boxers.
"Oh...", she starts, a glance towards Nuan. "Ohhh...bad time...I'm sorry."
"No, no it's...fine", Nuan says, looping her arm through Eris's as some sort of claim. He can't help the prideful smirk that appears on his face and Mor suppresses her own.
"We should talk. Thesan said he would leave the patio open for us."
Eris nods. "Alright. Let's go". He lets Nuan lead him down the winding staircase, Mor following after them. Her face falls as she takes in all of the scars on Eris's back; raised, stark white, with multiple patterns and thicknesses. Now it makes sense why he never turned his back to her that night that they slept together—not because he didn't trust her, but because he didn't want her to see, didn't want to appear vulnerable. Maybe he really is changing and healing here.
The sight of those scars nearly make her stomach roil in horror, how she had never paid a thought to what he could be enduring in Autumn; what he had truly saved her from a life of enduring when he had left her on his border. These scars were seared into his skin over centuries, and that pain must be difficult to forget. She would know, she still has the mark of that nail on her abdomen, and the ghostly feel of that pain still haunts her in her darkest times. She can't imagine suffering that agony more than once...
Once they are out on the patio of the Dawn Court Palace, Mor takes a seat, crossing a leg over the other; the picture of grace. Eris sits with his elbows on his knees, Nuan taking the chair beside him.
"You wanted to talk, so talk", he motions to her.
"Wow, ever the charmer, Eris."
He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Old habits die hard, as they say. You did help save my life, after all."
She nods slowly, wringing her hands. "Anyway...Rhys is getting concerned about the risk Beron poses. He has reason to believe that the remaining Queens are gathering Illyrian warriors to use as their puppets—to fight for their side of the war. Mind you, we have no clues about what Koschei could possibly want, and what their alliance is all about. I know that you're here now, and cut off from Beron. But is there any possible information that you have about his plans, or what is in it for him?"
Eris sis back and takes a breath. "What's always in it for him? Power. Beron would have been willing to ally with Hybern if it meant he would have gotten to take the throne when Hybern fell. He lost that chance once, he isn't going to let it slip by again. He is most likely allying with them so he can rule Pythian. He would rule the lands, Koschei would rule the seas, and the Queens...well...he doesn't expect them to survive, but if they do, he will most likely try to take them out himself, or he could potentially find a loophole to make them his to use. Cauldron magic is a commodity, and one that he does not appreciate only the Night Court having access to."
Mor scoffs. "Feyre would never put Pryth—"
"Don't you finish that sentence Morrigan", he bites out.
Nuan glances between them nervously and Eris leans forward, meeting Mor's amber eyes.
"Feyre wouldn't put Prythian at risk?" He scoffs harshly. "Do I have to remind you about the big Spring Court fiasco where she let her goddamn emotions rule over common sense? She is the one who allowed Hybern easier access to Prythian. She strategically weakened Tamlin's western border so drastically that he was able to march right through into the Summer Court—into Adriata, where, if you remember, hundreds were slaughtered. And that was after she wiped out half of the already anguished Spring citizens who had miraculously survived Amarantha to find their cruel fate by their supposed savior's hand. That's a backstabbing double-cross if you ask me. So don't you dare sit there and say that you High Lady wouldn't put us in danger, because she has proved that she only cares about herself and her own. That may include me, but that certainly does not include myself, or anyone else I care about."
Mor growls and bares her teeth at him.
"Growl and groan all you want. You know it's the truth, don't you, truth-teller?", he says, a taunting smirk on his lips as his own russet eyes gleam.
"Feyre is not only my High Lady, but she is also my friend and my family. I will not allow you to speak of her that way."
"Even if it's true you mean", he raises an eyebrow.
Nuan places a hand on his arm. "Eris..."
He sighs and runs a hand through his short hair. "I don't have a direct line to Beron anymore, thank gods. I am worried about that blind spot, but I can't go back there. However, strategy-wise, it puts him at a disadvantage that I'm alive, because now I can work openly for our side. I say 'our' side, because I am always on the side of Prythian as a whole, and the conservation of the seven courts. The last thing I want is us to be arguing and insulting enemies again."
Mor crosses her arms and sighs, looking from him to Nuan. "Azriel's spies have been doing what they can, but with the Queen's goal right now being the overtaking of Illyrian males, Rhys has deemed it unsafe for him nor Cassian to physically go there to suss out what is going on in real-time. Which I believe, is one of their power plays."
"Does Rhys have any idea what their endgame is? As I said, I know that Beron's is ultimately power. With any luck, he will fall just like all the rest who had that same goal. Amarantha, Hybern, Tamlin's father, despite him not exactly getting the death he deserved."
Mor pushes her hair to one side. "You're quite ambitious yourself Eris, wishing for your father to fall so you can become High Lord. Hasn't that been your sole purpose for being so...giving...with your undercover work for so many centuries?"
A look of hurt passes by his expression before he steels it again, his lip curling slightly. "My ambition to be High Lord may be one of my objectives, but make no mistake Morrigan, I have wanted my father ripped to shreds from the time I was old enough to watch him beat my mother. So don't you dare sit here and accuse me of treason for simple personal gain. I have watched him destroy my entire family. I've watched him turn my mother into a whimpering slave forced to suppress her power, I had to deal with not being able to stop him from beheading the female who made my brother's life worth living to him, I saw him hunt Lucien, turning him into a fugitive from his home, and I've seen him create vile, robotic minions of my other brothers, who get invigorated by causing others pain; the brothers that tried to kill our youngest sibling. Through all of that, I have also endured fifty years Under the Mountain while you enjoyed your cushy life in Velaris. I lost my first real love and the mother of my children, not to mention never knowing one of my daughters who was killed before I knew about her because Beron lived. So don't you fucking dare accuse me of wanting him dead purely for politics."
Tears prick his eyes but he holds it back, his jaw clenching. Nuan slips her hand in his and he squeezes it gently.
Mor swallows. "You're right. I-I'm sorry. As you said, old habits..."
He nods.
"But what are we going to do now? If Beron thinks that Tristan is his new heir, won't that mean he will become his emissary? Taking over your duties? He will want to instill fear into the other Courts."
"Tristan is a fucking lunatic, but he is not that bright. He is all brawn and no brain. If he does visit the other Courts, they will most likely laugh him out of their borders."
"And if Beron somehow working with the Queens gives them some edge?"
"Then I suppose we would hear about it. All Courts are on alert, and I'd like to believe that we can come together when it matters...despite how messy our personalities can be, all in one room", he mutters remembering the meeting before the Hybern war.
Mor chuckles softly. "Yes, that last one was...something. I'm sorry about what Azriel did. By the way."
Eris shakes his head. "However unacceptable it was for him to act that way, my words were such as well. Sometimes we both...overplayed the hate game. Though, at one point I realized that you began to believe and feel that hatred for me."
"The centuries wore me down, I admit. It wasn't right. But I kept thinking back to you...walking away and despite knowing the consequence it just made me so mad."
Eris looks down. "You were my mate, Morrigan. Do you honestly believe I wanted to walk away?" His voice cracks slightly. "I didn't. Everything inside of me was screaming to protect you. To heal you. But I knew that if I touched you, even just to help...you'd be stuck there with me. Something you expressly told me you couldn't live with. I respected that. I had to leave you there to free you."
"I know, okay?", she says exasperatedly. "I know, but it—it didn't make the situation or the pain any easier to handle. I was your mate too. And no matter the fact that I verbally rejected you, I could still feel that bond too. So not only was I in severe physical pain, but when you left me there, it was like my soul was being cleaved. I was in so much fucking pain, and I thought death would be kinder. But I realized that succumbing to my father's abuse was not proving myself. So I did everything I could to stay awake and stay alive."
Eris looks into her eyes. "There was nothing else I could do, Mor. Don't you think I wanted to? I thought about you out there all fucking night as I was being lashed with a faebane soaked whip—my father's favorite weapon of choice—for not "keeping a leash on my fiancée." That night was horrific all around, and I wish there was something I could have done to spare you that pain."
Tears spring to her eyes. "I believe you. And I'm sorry you suffered for it too. Not just that night, but for centuries while I pretended that you chose to leave me there for nefarious reasons. I did that to cover u my own secrets, and that wasn't your burden to bear."
Eris kisses Nuan's hand, then stands up. "Truce?", he whispers, holding his arms out. "I saved your life...however horribly, and you saved mine. Can we just start over, Mor?"
Glancing up at him, she stands, rolling her eyes. "Truce.", she replies, hugging him lightly.
"I'm glad you finally have your happiness, Morrigan."
"I'm glad you finally have yours too, Eris", she smiles softly, nodding towards Nuan. "And I wish there had been ways to prevent Beron's cruelty centuries ago, so you and Lucien didn't have to go through all of that. All these...scars", she whispers, her hand trailing over the raised scars on his back.
Eris pulls away embarrassedly. "Yes, well...he and Keir both should have been ended ages ago. All we can hope now is that they do meet their end during this war."