{ Thwack! Another lash. Then another. Then another. The King of Hybern chuckles his merciless laugh as his guard whips her, delighting in her screams. She writhes on the ground in nothing but the scraps of what used to be a clean white linen dress. Lifting her head ever so slightly, she peeks through the strands of her dark hair and sees green eyes peering out from the shadows.
The mysterious man—male. Male. A faerie. Pointed ears and unnaturally bright eyes. But eyes that she can lock onto to ground herself.
Another scream rips from her, and she bites down harshly, her lip beginning to bleed as well as she braces for another—this time her scream is more muffled, but her body begins to tremble with shock. Despite it, she doesn't look away from those eyes. Soft, empathetic, nearly pained themselves. Then they take form as the blond male steps into the room, seeming nonchalant.
"My King", he murmurs, bowing at the waist, embellished enough to be a mockery, but not enough for the King to see it as an insult.
White hot pain shoots through her and she lets out a whimper despite herself. The guard kicks her hard in the ribs and she lets out a wail.
"Hey!", the male shouts, then remember himself, whatever game he was supposed to be playing.
"Do you have a problem, High Lord?", the King spits.
A High Lord. One of the rulers of Prythian. This male is a High Lord...
"I just think it's below us to be playing with...insignificant things such as humans. Well, former humans, but same difference. Don't you think? This is getting repetitive and boring. The others are dead. Do you really want to have to handle another corpse? That's grunt work", he scoffs and waves a hand dismissively to the guards. "Just cage her. Let her be something pretty to look at. Gives her a much better use", he smirks.
Briar gasps for breath and tears run down her face. She can taste the blood on her tongue and the throbbing of the bruises on her ribs. However, it is nothing as bad as the agony from her back. She defiantly raises her chin as much as she can to look into those eyes once again. He meets her gaze immediately.
Just as she thought. They do not match his words. Though, through what sounds like cruelty, he is giving her a reprieve. A chance for them to leave her alone, to possibly heal. If she were anyone else, maybe she would have missed the signs. Luckily, she has always been a lover of detail. Those eyes are not cold and calculating. They are sad and guilty.
The King considers his words carefully before snapping at the guard. "Chain her to the wall. Make her a pretty statue", he smirks viciously. "I'd quite like the view, the High Lord is right."
The guard grabs her harshly by her arms and she wails in anguish as the ripped-open skin tugs with every movement. She sees the male turn away, almost too affected to look at her anymore as she once again feels the burning against her as she's shoved up against the wall, her shackles connected to tight chains, holding her wrists and ankles out so she can barely move.
One of the guards snickers and grabs the whip once more, bringing it down hard three more times—across her stomach, her thighs, then the top of her breasts as she cries out, sobbing as they finally walk away. }
Tamlin wakes with a start, a pain shooting through him as screams ring out from down the hall. Waving a hand for the faelights to go on, he uses his faerie speed to reach Briar's room, throwing the door open and moving over to her.
He beholds her writhing form beneath the sheets, blood beginning to soak through them, strands of her long hair sticking to the blood. He rips the blankets off of her and his eyes tear up as he sees the fresh lash lines on her back, blood soaking through her pale blue nightgown. Her body is surrounded by a faint golden glow.
"Fucking gods", he breathes, pain quaking through his heart.
"Briar" he calls out to her, his voice shaking. "Briar. Briar, Briar, wake up. Please wake up", he chokes out, stroking her hair back from the sweat beading on her face. Moving closer, he pulls her into his arms, very careful of the lashes, and cradles her lightly. "Briar!", he shouts a bit louder, cupping her face.
She gasps and pants hard and raggedly, clearing her eyes and looking up at him before bursting into sobs. "T-Tamlin", she chokes out, trembling. "It hurts, it hurts, please make it stop", she sobs.
"I think your magic fused with your nightmare", he says softly. "You're projecting the lashes onto you. Only you can take them away. I'm so sorry, I wish I could. I—I wish I could take your pain away." He strokes her hair back and scoops her up carefully, moving towards the washroom.
"No. No no no, please. No, it'll h-hurt so much more please", she cries, tears falling down her face.
"I'm not going to cause you any more pain. I'm just going to get a cool, damp rag to wipe down your face, cool you off, and then work the blood out of your hair."
Briar takes long drags of air, clinging to him, her nails slightly digging into his bicep, but he doesn't seem phased in the least. Her body continues to glow faintly as the blood trickles down her back onto his hand, where it rests on the lower portion.
Tamlin sets her carefully on a small bench in the washroom and grabs a towel.
"I-I'm s-sorry", she chokes out, hyperventilating, tears continuing their journey down her cheeks.
"Hey, don't apologize for something you can't help. It's alright. Blood can be washed off, sheets can be replaced. I'm more worried about you. Just breathe, Briar. Deep, slow breaths hmm?"
She trembles and nods weakly, trying to calm her breathing. He rinses his hand off then wets the towel, ringing out the excess water. Kneeling in front of her, he gently caresses her face with it. "Breathe", he murmurs deeply, soothingly.
Closing her eyes, she breathes deeply, trying to reign in her powers, unsuccessfully. "It hurts", she cries quietly. "I-I can't do it, it won't go away."
His heart aches as she cries, and he sets the towel down, carefully cupping her cheeks with his large hands. "Briar", he whispers. "Look at me."
She pants in pain but forces her eyes open—looking directly into the vivid shade of green that she had clung to back at Hybern when he was too far away to comfort her with touch. Without a care, she leans into his warm hands, letting out a softer breath and locking her gaze onto his.
"Good girl", he murmurs. "Deep breaths, good job. You're too worked up to aim the leash correctly. So to speak. You have to be totally focused."
"M-my nightgown is sticking to the b-blood", she says weakly. "It's going to pull the skin more if it dries."
"So we should get it off of you."
A crimson blush comes to her cheeks, and she looks away. Tamlin brushes a dark tendril of hair behind her pointed ear.
"I care about you right now." He tips her chin to meet his eyes again. "I just want to help."
His heart pounds furiously in his chest and the mate bond tugs at the center of it strongly, almost eliciting a grunt from him, yet he chokes it down. His words to her ring true. Her safety comes first and foremost. Always.
"I know", she whispers.
Tamlin nods and slowly slips the nightgown over her head. A soft whimper escapes her as the fabric peels away from where it stuck to the bloody lashes.
His entire being hurts from seeing her in pain like this, and as he takes it off, he remains respectful enough to turn away until she can hold the balled-up fabric over her breasts.
"Th-thank you", she says quietly.
"Al—any time", he responds, picking up the towel again. He slowly works it through the tips of her wavy black hair that are caked in blood. He returns to the sink and back a few times, returning to sit next to her and working the blood out.
They remain wordless for the longest time, Briar allowing him to take care of her, the panic in her chest subsiding mostly.
"Thank you for everything you've done for me. I know that this can't be easy and I'm sure you also have nightmares and I-I probably woke you up when you were getting some well-needed rest, but I can't—I don't know how to do this", she chokes out.
His expression softens once more and he gets up to wet the towel again. "Don't know how to do what, Briar?"
"This. A-All of this. Be..."
He returns and kneels in front of her as he had when they first entered the washroom. "Be a faerie?"
Her pale blue eyes well with tears and she nods wordlessly. "Being a faerie very well saved your life at Hybern", he tells her. "I know it felt like you were dying...but that's one of the bad things about being fae. It takes a hell of a lot to kill us with...those tactics. If you hadn't been turned...", he trails off and takes his own breath.
Briar notices the shake to it and swallows hard. "You gave me a reprieve. I um...when they were torturing me. My nightmare...you played into their vile hand, but you did it so that they would give me reprieve to heal a bit. It didn't go unnoticed, Tamlin."
He looks down in shame, tears making his eyes shine in the light. "I felt helpless again. Helpless to protect...the same way I had Under the Mountain. And I told myself that I must try my best to find a way around that to give you some sort of relief when I couldn't for Feyre back then. And you don't quite understand. My whole life I've been trying to protect people because my father was the polar opposite. He tortured and killed many, many humans. He was the best friend of Hybern and Amarantha."
Briar shudders and sniffs, looking at him as he continues. "You are not him."
"But Amarantha knew that. She had targeted me since I was a child. She was adamant that I be her chosen mate. I kept refusing her until she took it too far. But I wasn't able to help Feyre then. I had to watch...I wouldn't sit and watch again as Hybern did it to you. You were innocent. My overbearing need to protect can be a huge flaw in and of itself. I am not a good person, Briar. I—I mess up a lot, and I get angry, and my fear that I will continue to let my people down and that they will be in harm's way drives me to be completely unbearable. You don't want this, I promise you, you don't want this."
"I will choose what I do and do not want when I am ready." It's her turn to cup his face, lightly leaning her forehead on his, her eyes slipping closed. After a moment, her body ceases to glow and she gasps lightly, a small smile coming to her lips.
"The lashes are gone", she whispers. "You still ground me, the way you did back then."
"You shouldn't have to ground yourself. You should still be human, you shouldn't have the burden of all of this. I'm so sorry", he says brokenly.
"It's not your fault."
"I saw they capture you. And your friends. It was nighttime, wasn't it?"
Her lips part and her eyes widen slightly as she nods.
"I was...not doing well. Feyre had left me and I was grieving and furious and I was lurking around in my beast form most of the time at night. I heard a ruckus near my border and I—I saw all of you. Sneaking in. Some through the break in the wall and some, like you, by climbing over it. I didn't want to scare you all with my beast. I had told myself that I would track you down in the morning and offer you shelter here in Spring. But when I got back to the Manor I heard bloodcurdling screams. I knew that something had gotten you. I rushed there as fast as I could but I—I saw the Attor and a few other aerial monsters carrying you all away. And I knew it had to be Hybern."
Briar nods and tears up. "We had such high hopes which were immediately crushed by all the fears we had been told as children..."
"I never forgot that look on your face as you were being carried away. My gaze has always gone to yours, and I had never known why until you turned fae and when I—when I saw them hurting you it snapped for me. The mate bond. One I never thought I would have since I believed my first love, Nova was my mate. We felt the tugs, or what we thought were tugs at least. We made a lot of promises to one another. I guess finding our true mates because of the Cauldron is just another thing that Lucien and I have in common."
"I was always drawn to you too. I didn't know why, but it makes sense now."
Tamlin sighs and runs a hand through his hair, before pulling his t-shirt off and slipping it over her head to cover her again as she blushes.
"Anyway, I saw you getting whisked off, and the next day I began making a plan to infiltrate his ranks. Not only for the looming war, which I knew would help the Courts greatly, but because I had seen him maim and kill too many humans in my lifetime and I—I had wanted to save all of you. So when he gave me the tiny courtesy of asking to come through to destroy the wall...I used it to my advantage even more. I told him that I would be on his side if he left my people alone and unharmed. He agreed. By that time, Feyre had claimed she was used by Rhysand and, me being a fool, believed her and took her back. She ended up being our downfall. Used her mind tricks against us so my people wouldn't trust me anymore, causing an insurrection on a large scale that ended in suspicions and many deaths among already traumatized citizens. Then she weakened the western border which Hybern overtook as soon as he had the chance, never keeping his word. Feyre gave him the opening to hurt us all over again. I was a damn idiot to believe he would leave my people be. But I had believed that done such a good job convincing him that I truly was on his side. I made him think that I would force Feyre to be with me again. My High Priestess had double-crossed me, and had her sisters dragged into Hybern's ploy because she selfishly wanted to be Queen. I had no idea. And he used the Cauldron on them, the same way he had with you. I fought against that, hard but his power—he had all of us, me, Lucien, and the Night Court, leashed and unable to move. I didn't care about my cover anymore when he was hurting so many. But Hybern foolishly still thought I was on his side, even after that."
Briar gapes slightly before talking. "So...if I'm following correctly, it must have been weeks later that he kidnapped her sister. When they came for her, and when Jurian brought me to the cliffside. When Feyre and you helped rescue me."
"Yes."
"I was your mate", she ponders. "Males tend to be overprotective and want their mates close. But—But you sent that wind power to help me leave. Because you wanted to save me."
"I will always choose your safety."
She sniffles and throws her arms around him.
"Oh!", he exclaims, hugging her back gently. He swallows hard. "That is not always a good thing."
"We can't talk about the future, but you saved me, Tamlin. You saved all four of us then. That was a good thing. A very good thing. Thank you. Again."
"You're welcome. But I should have—"
"Shh!", she presses a finger to his lips. "We can't do that. No second guessing the past."
Tamlin nods slowly, his eyes sad and guilt-ridden again.
"You don't have to carry any guilt for what happened with Hybern. It was not your fault, Tamlin. It was not your fault. Okay?"
"Okay", he whispers. Briar gently brushes her nose against his sending shivers down his spine like fireworks.
His thumb brushes across her pale cheek and the urge to kiss nearly overcomes him—overcomes the both of them, as she shudders, unable to suppress it. And it thrills him that he has this effect on his mate.
Just as their breathing becomes more labored and their lips are barely a breadth away, she drags her fingers through his hair and this time he can't suppress the groan that escapes him. He can feel the smile that plays on her lips as they toe the line between kissing or pulling away.
That's when a blurred red figure appears, one russet and one golden eye widening as he stops short.
They spring apart like the opposite sides of magnets and Tamlin lets out a growl. "Lucien!"
Lucien cringes, standing there sheepishly in his green pants, slung low on his hips. "Fuck", he mutters. "I'm sorry, I heard screaming and then you bustling to her room, and I thought it was safe to use the toilet."
"You heard her screaming and did nothing?", his eyes flare that green-yellow and Briar places a firm hand on his forearm.
"It's okay. It was a misunderstanding, Tamlin."
Lucien sighs. "Do you not remember what happened the last time someone you—were connected to had a nightmare and I tried to genuinely help? Because I didn't want a repeat of that consequence, thank you very fucking much", he says, crossing his arms.
"Right now I'm wishing maybe I had finished the job", he growls annoyedly.
Lucien smirks. "Nah, you missed me too much, brother."
"Don't push it, brother", he growls angrily, his claws punching out of his knuckles.
Briar suppresses a snort and moves between them. "Alright, alright. Listen. Tam, let's...get out of here so he can relieve himself. Lucien, good night. Rest well." She grabs Tamlin's hand, careful of the claws, and he begrudgingly trails after her, Lucien flashing him a feline grin. Tamlin gives him a vicious glare back as he closes the door behind them.
"Put those things away", Briar sighs softly. "He's your friend, Tam. He is not a threat. I assure you, plus he also has a mate. Remember?"
He takes a deep breath, and they retract back under his skin. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry to me. Be sorry to yourself. You're teaching me to control my magic. You need to teach yourself, too. Maybe we can learn together."
Tamlin sighs as they reach her bedroom once more. He lets go of her hand and she watches in awe as he moves faster than her eyes can track. Within seconds there are fresh sheets on the bed.
"Woah", she breathes out.
"You could do that too you know. If you practiced. All faeries have immortal speed."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Good to know..."
Silence falls on them and she wrings her hands, making her way back to the bed, his shirt still hanging loose on her body, falling just above her knees. She takes note of how he watches her every move as she makes her way across the room.
"Taml—"
"Bri—"
He clears his throat. "You first."
She bites her lip. "I'm sorry for waking you earlier."
"Never be sorry for that. You can't help them any more than I can."
She nods slowly. "Have you had any recently?"
He bristles a bit and flexes his neck uncomfortably. "Yes, but I...I'm not as loud usually. I suppress most of my pain."
That sentence fractures something inside of her heart and she looks over his face. "You shouldn't have to", she whispers to him in the dim faelight.
"I'm used to it. I've had to my entire life. It's fine."
"It's not fine."
"I am a High Lord. Things will go awry, and I would willingly become the target of any pain to keep my subjects safe. Always."
"That doesn't mean that you can feel some sort of way about the things you have endured. You are still a person, you are still going to be upset and sad and...yeah, even depressed sometimes. You've been through so much shit, Tamlin. I know I wasn't around for the huge majority of it, but I can't even imagine how much has been piled onto you and how much pain, both physical and mental that you have had to endure since...since you were a kid. For hundreds of years. An amount of time that is still mind-blowing to me."
He casts his gaze to the floor. "What happened, happened. Nothing can change now. Past is the past right?"
"Doesn't mean the ghosts of it don't haunt us."
"There are many."
"I can tell. The storminess of your eyes. You...you hold all your emotion in your eyes even if it isn't written on your face. They get darker when you're sad. Glowy when you're angry, bright when you're angry, and more muted when you're sad."
He blinks and grunts a bit. She can't help the giggle that escapes her at his cute attempt to somehow change his eyes.
Tamlin blushes deeply. "What?"
"Nothing. You're just...good company."
He blinks again confusedly. "That's...new."
"It shouldn't be. I'm sure you have some friends."
"Loosely. They normally only come around when there is wine and food aplenty to celebrate something."
"Well, you're good company to me. Flaws and all."
Tamlin scoffs. "You have hardly seen the base level of my flaws."
"I don't think the underground level would scare me too much."
"I hurt people. W-Without meaning to, I mean. My anger...it's explosive. Because I am a High Lord and my beast...things just sort of...blow up."
"For real?"
"Yes. I've hurt people that I care for because I can't control it."
"I'm sure they know you don't mean for it to happen."
"It doesn't matter. Don't you see? I hurt everyone I come to care for. Everyone. So much so that if they don't hate me enough to leave for good, they hate me enough to side with my enemies for a while."
She sits on the edge of the bed, knowing that dig was to the red-haired male down the hall, how he has forgiven him but the sting of it lingers. "I wouldn't. I know what it's like to be bitter. After my mom died, I was bitter and angry and hurt. I had nowhere to go, and hardly any friends. I was closed off and unpleasant for over a year until I met Lilly. She told me about the Children of the Blessed. They were all lost and hurting souls who believed life was better here in Prythian. Lilly had fallen in love with a faerie. But they kept it a secret because of, well, obvious reasons. He was killed by a hunter, and she hated humanity more than ever. She always told me how kind and gentle he was. I'm assuming now that it was one of your sentries who tried to solve Amarantha's curse."
"Did she ever tell you his name?"
Briar shakes her head. "No she...she loved us and trusted us like family, but when it came to that, she wouldn't tell anyone, because of that fear. When it came true she nearly shut down and I had to pick her back up. I had to convince her that he would want her to go on." Briar looks down and sighs. "I like to think that she and her lover are together now. Despite being human and faerie."
Tamlin sits next to her on the bed and tenderly takes her hand. "Those were very dangerous times. If I had known...I-I don't know what I would have done. It wasn't safe here either."
A lump forms in Briar's throat. "She told me never to tell a soul", she whispers, letting go of his hand and rubbing her face.
"Never tell a soul about her affair with a faerie?"
"Well, yes, but...not just that."
"You can trust me. I wouldn't put anyone in danger."
"This has been weighing on me the last year or so...and I didn't know what to do, or who to tell, or even what he's like. I—"
"Briar", he murmurs.
"Lilly...she um...she was gonna make it work, but then he died and...we were going to come here and make sure it was safe and then go back..."
"Why would you go back to the mortal lands?"
"I'm sorry. Lil", she mutters. "Tamlin, she was pregnant. When her lover died. She was pregnant and terrified and scared for her son. She didn't know if he would be fae or human, or what being a hybrid meant. She was going to tell him the night he died. He never showed up, and it wasn't like him to bail on her without explanation. He had told her about the curse, so naturally, she knew he was dead. That he was going to try and solve it for you all."
Tamlin's jaw drops and he rubs his face. "So...she had a son?"
"Yes."
"And where is the child?"
"At the orphanage in the mortal lands. I just worry for the child. I don't know how much of his father he inherited, and he was very tiny when we took the journey across the wall. They're both dead", she chokes out. But I know they would've adored him so much. The way Lilly spoke of her son's father, and the way she cradled the baby every night, sobbing at the fact she had to leave him to give them a better life. Lilly was like a sister to me. That baby boy was like a nephew. But now that I'm fae, I-I can't go back there for him. I do have a small plan. When I had asked Tarquin and Cresseida to prepare meals for the starving people in the mortal lands, I was going to ask Queen Vassa if she could find him and make sure she is okay. I have never met her in person yet, but Lucien is a good friend of hers and he said she and Jurian told him that they could definitely help out. If it's okay with you for them to come here as a meeting spot."
Tamlin pinches the bridge of his nose. "No, yeah. It's...that's perfectly fine. I think it's a great idea, even. But what do you plan to do with this child if you locate him?"
Briar wrings her hands. "If he is human...or can pass as a human, I want him to have a good home. If he is more faerie, I'd imagine whoever is caring for him would become suspicious about now. He'd be...nearly five years old now. I wasn't going to tell you. But I don't want to have any secrets, not when I told you that you could trust me."
"Do you even know the child's name?"
"Caedin."
"There are only a few days until the festival, but let's see if we can get those meals down here with Tarquin and get Jurian and Vassa on board. Lucien and I can ask them to search for the babe."
Briar smiles and hugs him tightly "Thank you. I know he isn't blood, but..."
"But family isn't always blood. Family is stronger than blood. I know that from...Lucien. However utterly infuriating he is, he's quite admirable most times, too."
She grins and crawls under the blankets. "Good night, Tamlin. Thanks again for...everything. You're an amazing person in my book. Briars and all", she smirks.
He can't help but chuff out a chuckle as he stands, leaning in close and pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "Try to rest, brambles", he teases back.
Gigging softly, she nods. "Yes, sir."
Shaking his head, he makes his way back to his bedroom, Lucien casually leaning against the doorframe of his room, smirking amusedly.
"Oh, fuck off", Tamlin mutters.
"I didn't say a word."
"You didn't have to, it's all written all over your face."
"Fells nice to have a mate, doesn't it?", he grins.
Tamlin rolls his eyes. "Just because it's nice doesn't mean it will last. I think we all learned that lesson."
"For what it's worth, I don't think it was ever nice with Feyre. I think all three of us were trying to survive in an unsure world and you two had to cling to some sort of normalcy, so you clung to one another. I'm saying this because I care, Tam. But you two...well...it was cute for a while, but then it was clear that you were night and day. Rain and sun, oil and..."
"I get it", he growls.
"I'm just saying. Things seem more natural with Briar. You seem more yourself and loose; freer around her. You deserve someone like that after all the losses. It's good to heal, Tam. I'm glad that you're getting there. I'm sure there will be snags and setbacks, but you're doing well. And I am doing well, despite my shit."
"How do you do that?"
Lucien furrows his brow. "Do what?"
Tamlin sighs. "Make it look easy? You have just as much...pain...but you make it look easy to carry."
He leans his head back and narrows his eyes a bit, his mechanical one whirring slightly as he gets lost in thought for a moment, trying to think of a good response. Taking a breath, he starts slowly. "I think that maybe...I realized that if I didn't keep going and I didn't pretend like I was okay—maybe I would lose my value. Not just here but in any Court. It's been decades, but I still miss my home, Tamlin. Autumn will always be my home...and it's hard to want and crave the one thing you can't have. I'm still an exile, y'know. That won't change no matter where I am accepted. Spring is my second home, always. But there is this constant fear and anxiousness that I am only as good a friend as the uses I have."
Tamlin's face falls a bit. "Lucien you can't poss—"
"I was raised unwanted and despised, Tamlin. You know what that's like. But then I was forcibly run out of my home. We have similar paths, but you will never know what it's like to have the entirety of the continent know that you are just a drifter, going only where your services are needed, and not truly belonging anywhere. Not only that, but one who is openly maimed and scarred. One that scares people and kids everywhere I go just for how I look."
Tamlin swallows hard. "I-I didn't—"
"You didn't see, because I never let anyone see, Tam. Not you, not Bryn, not Andras, nobody. The last person who ever truly saw me for me was Jesminda. Which is why her loss still causes me pain. And then I find my mate and at first I thought all the bad things. How she would never want such an ugly male, how she was going to reject me, how she believed I had a hand in destroying her life. But then she turned out to be like Jes in the way that she saw me. And it's everything I needed to know that I do have the strength to go on, but also to face all the shit I've buried for so long. It can only stay buried for so long before it bursts out of you. I think you know that well enough."
Tamlin motions towards the stairs. "Let's get a drink. Sit. Talk more."
Lucien nods and follows him downstairs, grabbing an aged bottle of whiskey and two glasses before sitting in front of the fire, the seats similar to how they were in the old Manor. He pours it for them and they drink in silence for a moment.
"You are not ugly, Lucien. I realize now, that you never truly got to know how you felt about it because soon the masks were spelled to our faces. I didn't realize that you didn't get to mourn your vanity. It must have been difficult seeing it after...everything."
Lucien takes another swig of his whiskey and then sighs deeply, looking into the flames. "No, I-I was stunned at how I looked when that mask was finally off. I could barely look at myself, I find it hideous and horrifying. I still do most days. I should just say it is what it is because it's just looks, right? Who cares. Everyone says that personality counts. But let's be real for a moment...I...unsettle people", he says weakly. "And yeah, it—it sucks. It hurts. But there's nothing I can do about it. This is just my face now and...I suppose I just try not to look in mirrors or at the expressions on the faces of new people."
"Well, we both know you have the personality, Lucien. You are not hideous or horrifying; nothing of the sort. Plus, you've had many trysts since getting scarred. It just gives you an edge. With the way the females here still swoon at you, I'd say it's a very good edge as well. I'll tell you again. You are not ugly. I don't think all these females would pretend, and even some males", he chuckles.
Lucien scoffs and smiles a bit. "I know I sound vain and ridiculous. I know that. It's crazy. But I just wish I could take it off as easily as the fox mask. I-I just want to look normal again. I don't want to look freaky or scary."
"If I could kill her again to avenge you, I would. If I could fix it for you, I would. I'm sorry..."
"I ran my mouth to someone who was above my power grade. I'm smarter than that. I should have known better, and I let my anger get the best of me. If I had just kept my mouth shut—"
"Lucien. We can't go back. Hm?"
"I know", he mumbles, absently looking at the crystal of his glass. "I should be grateful, y'know? That I had a friend skilled enough to be able to give my sight back to me in the form of a freaking magically mechanical eye. She's incredible. It could have been so much worse."
"Just because it could have been worse doesn't mean that you can't feel upset. It's your face, Lucien. You are allowed to be upset. But nobody can change how you see yourself, except you. It will take time to get accustomed to how you look now. I'd be concerned if you didn't need to adjust. As your honorary big brother, I can tell you with certainty that you are beloved by everyone you meet, Lu. Whether or not they are intimidated by the eye at first, everyone with any sort of heart will very, very quickly realize that you are one of the most amazing people they will ever meet. Funny, sarcastic, personable, intelligent, and soulful. None of those have anything to do with what you look like, but despite it, you look handsome as you always had been. I swear to you. I would not lie to you. Alright?"
Lucien chuckles and shakes his head. "Gods, this got awkward fast. This is why I didn't say anything before."
"It's new for both of us. This...emotional openness thing. It's just as, if not harder for me than it is for you, I swear it." Tamlin snorts and takes a drink.
He laughs lightly. "Well, you haven't been the personable one of the two of us."
"No, I haven't been", he replies, smirking a bit. "But that's why you're such a great emissary. You connect with people so easily. I've always been a bit jealous of that."
"You have?"
"Mhh. How's that for emotional openness?"
"It's insightful."
"Anyone who has ever beheld me knows I'm not the best with people."
"You're getting better at it. I've seen how you have been talking to people lately, and how you did during the rebuild. This re-opening will bring everyone together, and it will be so needed."
"I agree...it will take a lot of energy, and a lot of work. But I want to see my people happy again. Especially those who have come back from the Summer Court in the past few months."
"I do look forward to it very much."
"As do I, Lucien. I really do."