Thank you for beta'ing, MsSchneeheide!
"I've had so many nightmares about him that it's not even funny," Blanca says of Dean at group therapy. "In one of them, he kidnapped me, put Raiza in a cage, and tied me to the train tracks and made me clear the stones off the rails so I'd die while he watched the train kill me. Maritza and Flaca were with Diablo and they told him where I was...he soon found my ex torturing me. As the train whistle blew, he pulled me off, and then pushed Dean on the train tracks as the train ran him over. Then we let Raiza out of the cage and Diablo carried me to the hospital...and then I had a scary dream within my nightmare, which was one of Dean dragging me underwater! The feeling was suffocating, being immersed in the icy ocean waters. I couldn't even tell I was crying, since the saltwater blended with my tears. I swallowed gallons and it hurt to cough. My heart was slowing and I felt like I was on fire, the way his nails dug into my skin and his foot crushed hard on my throat. The life was escaping me with each second. I was gasping when I woke up."
The others listen and nod in sad understanding.
"He'd always be with me doing the caregiver work," she continues. "He'd also often say, 'ain't gonna have any spics in my family' while wagging his finger at me. One time, he stepped up to me while cleaning his knife and told me to behave in the most menacing voice while holding it against my throat. I learned not to make him mad…don't provoke a bear if you don't wanna get mauled." A shiver runs through her at her own words and everyone looks at her sadly. Diablo puts a supportive hand on her back. "So when Mari saw Carlos Litvack, his best friend, we had to go on the run."
"I don't get it...why was he even at our school?" Maritza asks.
"He used to work there," Flaca mumbles. "Fuckin' Clitvack and Dean." She purses her lips and then smirks. "We should put itching powder and meat in both their underwear and send Dobermans after 'em like what happened in Cheaper by the Dozen and those assholes just hop around and knock over candles if they're in Gloria's bodega or somethin' and die in a fire like Arturo did!"
Blanca cackles at the thought and then the rest of the group joins in. "I really wish we could!"
"Samesies!" Maritza says.
The mood gets somber again when Nicky talks about being molested by her uncle Pete and adds that she and her new sister Tricia connect over that; the younger blonde had apparently gone through the same thing, but with her stepdad in her much younger years.
"For seven years I never told Pamela, who was dating Les. If she knew that my parents still let that animal molest me or Les didn't make sure he was dead or in prison for a long time, she would've broken things off with him. When I did finally tell her, she understood it was a hard thing for Marka to hear and explained that to me, and then she liked Les better since he put uncle Pete in jail. There's a deeper reason I hate kids. I don't want what happened to me, to happen to my own kids…"
"Entiendo. I'm happy to have mis niñas, and I always protected them from Dean's abuse," Blanca says.
"I bet! I have this recurring thought of Vee and Barb fighting over custody of me, and Red fought 'em both and said I'm her daughter, nobody else's and threatened Barb, 'You call her your Nicky baby or honey one more time, and I'll make sure to put you in the hospital!' I wasn't loved as a child until I found Red."
"I wasn't either," Tricia pipes up. "Ma said I was too young to be here, but I insisted on comin' and sharin' my story. I was a prostitute hooked on Oxy at just ten years old, and Mendez's regular customer. He locked me in the janitor's closet one time and I took the drugs he gave me…I couldn't keep my eyes open. While I was homeless, I was sifting through the necklaces on the stand in some jewelry shop and inspected one. A fellow female customer was watching closely and I put the necklace in my pocket. As soon as I saw a cop, I ran off. Later, I talked to another clerk at a clothing store, trying to pay for pink headphones two years too late, but they didn't sell 'em anymore. I shoved the necklace into the pocket of my army green jacket. I had on black fingerless gloves, a black scarf with a pink flower, and was wearing a red tattoo choker. After I shoplifted the pearl necklace, this bespectacled manager, Sam, asked me not to come into the store again. He told Sara to not let me leave and complained he didn't get paid enough, but I ran off!"
"Oh wow, you poor girl!" Lourdes comments and the others gaze at Tricia sympathetically.
"Yeah, I'm just glad I'm part of Red's family now!"
"You sure are, kid!" Nicky hooks her arm around Tricia and pulls her in for a hug.
"I'll never let anything bad happen to either of you again," Red promises her daughters, and they smile at her gratefully.
"I'll always protect you, baby," Shani vows to her girlfriend, and the women hug and exchange a short but sweet kiss.
"I've got somethin' to share," Gloria murmurs. "I just think Carol Denning is on the creepy side! She only had Frieda being a minion when they were both in prison together as cellmates. Frieda rolled her eyes at threatening D Block with a shiv, she didn't like looking at naked men and how Carol talked about them disgustingly, and I'm not against Frieda for turning Carol in at all!"
"Really? She and I are a lot alike…we both horny-ass bitches and we both like to stuff a whole cigarette in our mouths. Maybe she's changed, she feels bad about tryin' to kill Debbie?"
"Nah, Lei, she doesn't! Lo siento, I just...I don't like Carol, or Barb, but at least Barb didn't inflict violence on anyone...and sounds like Carol literally eats men's penises. She was all, 'I like a big bush. All alone in the forest...chomp chomp!' to Frieda one time. Like what. The everloving. Fuck?! Disturbing." Gloria shudders. "She just lets out my mama bear side, especially when you let her ass come into my apartment with you. That's why I was hiding in my room with the kids and then going someplace with 'em...I don't want 'em near Barb or Carol, I won't let the children out of my sight. If I can't control the older girls, I'll do my damned best to protect the little ones. All the men would be on my side and they'll make sure nothing goes wrong. They don't trust those creepy cunts one bit! I just haven't told 'em, 'cause I don't wanna be annoying; I think I can deal with it on my own. I don't feel safe in my own home with that woman there…so don't ever bring her over again."
"Okay, fine, I won't!"
"Barb was also dangerous; she was just more sneaky about it!" Red points out. "I have to admit that I also get along well with Carol. She's blunt and that's okay, she doesn't do bullshit."
"Why?!" everyone except Aleida cries.
"I don't trust her," Gloria mutters. "None of you ladies are on my side about this; at least the men will listen to me!"
Blanca holds her hands up. "Hey, don't bring me into this, no me gusta esta cabrona."
I don't like this bitch.
"I'm sorry, I've gotta be friends with Barb to keep myself safe and to try to get Barb away from thoughts of revenge on Debbie!" Diane says. "She's also friends with Poussey's mom Lila. Lila was still an Owens, rather than a Washington, and I had babysat them. Now, Debbie is a thirty-two year old child psychologist who's still reeling from the horrible memory of her sisters trying to kill her and actually succeeding in killing their parents!" Everyone looks horrified.
"That's just awful!" Red comments. "We spotted Alana heading toward the showers while putting a bun into her hair and Carol called her Dweebly Dums behind her back, but lied and said she was graduating early since she's so smart, according to her teachers."
"They never said that," Diane states firmly. "Not that she's stupid, but she isn't getting out of school anytime soon, she's just a freshman! I can't believe she bought that story and told her Pop-Pop. Carol was probably pretending to be nice to her at first, and then mean, like Barb. Carol likes to fuck with people's heads and say what she means. She said nice people are shitty on the inside. Look, all I can say is that I remember the news report when Debbie went missing at age twelve; she was last seen in a purple long sleeved shirt with diagonal dark purple and white stripes and orange track pants with a white stripe down either side and she was wearing cute little pigtails. The three sisters were gonna have to move away and share a closet and donate a lot of clothes to the Salvation Army, which was a load of shit. Debbie wanted a bunk bed…but she didn't even want to do more gymnastics in the first place, or move far away; she swore she had calluses on her big toes. Barb wanted to go to the La Quinta Inn to have sex with her boyfriend; she wasn't planning to murder Debbie that night at first, but she still went along with Carol's plan. They could be plotting to kill her right now, but don't want to strike too soon. She already got a bag of bones, which were her parents!"
"Ay dios mío, they're evil!" Maritza cries.
"Sí, and I found out Arturo was also dating Barb before he died." Gloria chuckles dryly. "He really downgraded in the butt department because he had me with my big ass, and then he had Barb with her flat pizza box shaped butt, which is what Carol described it as. In a twisted way, that was probably why he wasn't as perverted around Barb and expected her to wear sexy stuff. He told me he didn't, he just let her wear whatever, unless they both commanded each other to wear something. He respected Barb a lot more than me in a sense! He knew he couldn't take advantage of Barb since she'd get him back really good!"
Flaca makes a disgusted face. "The couple from Hell, so creepy."
"Carol told Barb to bite his dick, apparently. Barb said no, but winked, so I'm assuming she did! They had true love, even if it was abusive…it was equal. Probably they did aftercare and the abuse is just the way they connected, like sadomasochism. They had rules and stuff; if one said to stop or it hurts, the other always stopped," Gloria continues.
"That's great, but let's move on, por favor, he's muerto…you don't get to hog the whole session just 'cause your tía is the therapist!"
Lourdes narrows her eyes at Maria. "Hey!"
"I got somethin' to share!" Maria raises her hand. "I went through something super traumatic. Lo siento, but she's just chattering away, Diane too."
Gloria sighs. "Okay, go."
"So, I hired this bitch named Beth to babysit my daughter. Pepa won't crawl until like seven months and she'll start walking at about a year, she's only three months old, almost four, so...five-month-old babies are able to sit upright for longer periods of time. She's just learning to sleep for seven to eight hours a night now; rolling over ain't gonna be a priority for a few more months! Anyway, back to Beth…me, Yadriel, Alison, and Hassan made the mistake of having the baby killer around our little ones. She's got some kind of mental illness and she seems all sweet and kinda sad until she snaps! On one of her good days, she was putting out fliers, so Yadriel and I stayed home so we could test her out. Beth couldn't get Pepa to stop crying, but I wanted to see if she could do it within like five minutes without mine or Yadriel's help. The cunt put her in the bath to soothe her, and I followed her to the bathroom because Pepa wouldn't stop screaming. That's when Beth went fucking crazy, yelling that I didn't trust her and that Pepa wasn't calming down. She attempted to drown my baby girl and I tried to save Pepa, but then Beth put my head in the toilet, and Yadri had to rescue me and Pepa! Needless to say, she's rotting in a maximum security prison right now. The police told me that someone stabbed Beth in the ribs for killing her two babies and I felt so stupid for not checking her out online. She'd gotten out since she sucked Garza's dick."
"What…a psychopath!" Daya mutters, and the others murmur in agreement.
"Yes, she was! Glad she's back in the slammer!" Flaca says.
"I'm very sorry, ladies," Lourdes tells her niece, Blanca, and Maria.
"Me too! May I tell my story, please?" Lorna asks.
"Sí." Lourdes nods.
"Ya know how I got erotomania, right?" Lorna asks rhetorically. "Like Stephanie's mom who's obsessed with the famous country singer Kris Kristofferson and thought he was in love with her? I acted that way about Christopher in high school around the age of fifteen."
"Yeah," Nicky, Red, Tricia, and Lourdes say in unison. Blanca is as shocked as the others appear to be.
"At first, I thought you were being a regular teenager and making bad decisions without thinking of the consequences," Nicky tells her.
"I know I made bad decisions when I was your age," Blanca puts in bitterly.
"Yeah, someone said I was like a teenager acting on impulse, but a dangerous one."
"Nah, more like an amateur stalker. You didn't deserve to get bullied," Nicky points out.
"Oh yeah, I hid under my orange bedspread for a whole day," Lorna remembers sadly. "I bugged Christopher so much that he stuffed a bloody dog head in my locker and came into my room…my father and brother did not believe me about the strange man coming in and blamed my mother's death on me because I was the last person seen with her! They blamed it on my fantasies and forgetting about my mom or giving my mom something bad to eat or drink or stressing her out so much that she died...whores would come up to me and ask if I drowned her in the bath like in the movie 'Perfect Sisters', they said she was half dead anyway, right, I might as well have finished God's job! They thought maybe me and Franny concocted the plan, but I was the only one with enough balls to do it!"
"I was already home when Lorna woke up to find our mother dead," Franny murmurs.
"I tried to find my father or brother for help during the struggle, I also screamed for help and they were just like 'stop with those nonsense fantasies of yours and go to sleep, you noisemaker!' and 'shut up, I'm trying to sleep here!' or 'you're interrupting my program!' When Franny finally came home, I told her what happened. I didn't wanna go to school that day-and I blamed it on myself cuz if it wasn't for me stalking Christopher, he'd have had no reason to do that. Of course I didn't say it was Christopher...but he threatened me not to call nine-one-one during the struggle. Since I couldn't tell anyone that Christopher attacked us, I just said my mother died peacefully in her sleep, but I knew it was because of Christopher and myself."
"Still though, it isn't right to attack a sick person-either physically or mentally," Franny mutters. "I hate Christopher for making you wanna kill yourself."
"I'd never hugged you that tight before that morning."
"Did he even meet the rest of the family besides me yet before that painful night?"
"He did, technically. He first came in when our father and Mikey were watching television and he attacked our mother. She was confused, she asked him, 'I thought Lorna had a girlfriend, Nicky?' and he shook his head and said, 'her erotomania causes her to have delusions...you gotta admit it hurts when your girlfriend thinks she's with someone else...and not even of the same gender!' and my mother told him, 'well, she's taking her pills...and I saw them kiss,' and Christopher pretended to act hurt and said 'Lorna, you're cheating on me? Oh well, we'll talk about this later…' He was never my boyfriend! He insisted we were just practicing a skit for drama class. I really did do drama class in high school…we learned about masks, musicals and chlamydia dell'arte from Europe. Anyway, I just told Franny that a strange man came in and attacked me and our mom. I was in a dark place back then, like overdosing on my pills, at least trying to, calling the suicide hotline, and even writing a suicide goodbye note, and being cyber bullied. People would spill their drinks on me on purpose and say they thought we just had a meet cute, like I told Christopher when I first saw him at the mailroom, and Angela and Christopher would dunk my head in the toilet. Alex, how did you deal with it when it happened to you?"
"A relative of my elementary school tormentor Jessica Wedge came to Martin Van Buren and it traumatized me more than I would've liked to admit, last time I saw Jessica, I was brave and snapped back at her, but I couldn't handle seeing her daily…until I punched her in the face. It felt great, and I finally had power over her dumb ass!" Alex turns to Diane, looking slightly guilty. "I know you don't really condone violence, but I had to, Mom. I took detention like a badass. It was totally worth it, and she never bothered me again!"
"That's okay, sweetie." Diane pats Alex's hand fondly.
"I once submerged myself in bath water and wanted to just die, but Nicky got me out right away and assured me of how beautiful I was...and at the very end just before the bullshit died down, I discovered that Angela eventually decided she didn't want me to die, or herself to be responsible for my death, more like. I remember she yelled at Christopher, 'oh my god you're really killing her, this is going too far, please stop!' and she ran out of the bathroom and told someone and it got back to Nicky. I thought Angela was actually more decent than Christopher, I felt bad that I tried to strangle her and blow up her car. At least I never succeeded, they just found the explosive device!"
"Yeah, good thing!" Alex comments.
"You're a better person now, dear, and you're learning more and more each day, that's all that counts," Lourdes assures Lorna, and there's a murmur of assent.
"Yeah, with my meds!" Lorna gestures to Blanca. "You look like you're itching to tell more of your past."
"Sí, gracias." Blanca smiles at her. She looks out at the group.
"Loads of things trigger my PTSD, such as yelling, seeing someone on the street being yelled at, anything that looks like an abusive relationship, and getting a bruise or cut myself. I've been having more bad dreams and flashbacks lately, so that's why I'm going to therapy again. Karla knows all about what I'm going to tell you."
In Arizona, Blanca is in the middle of buying little Maritza some cute dresses. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there's no money on this account," the cashier informs her.
She frowns. "Are you sure? I had plenty in there, and now…"
"It's gone."
"No, it couldn't be," she mumbles. "I'm always careful with my PIN, bent over the keypad and everything! The only person who knows it is my…" Realization dawns on her and she deflates. "Oh, no he didn't. Son of a bitch!" she snaps under her breath. "Sorry for the confusion, I guess I'm broke. Lo siento for wasting your time." Exhaling slowly, she walks away disappointedly with Maritza in her stroller and leaves the clothes behind.
"Have fun on your shopping trip?" Dean asks with a smirk as soon as she gets inside his car.
"I couldn't get anything for her."
"Told you I'd handle everything from now on. She has plenty of nice clothes. As your husband, I control all your assets now...and your ass. Everything you plan to buy will be seen and paid for by me and it's not up to you what you choose to get yourself or that little motherfucker!"
"Don't call her that," Blanca reprimands him softly. "Why would you do this to me?"
"Women shouldn't spend a dime in this world. It's why you have me, a man. I'm not being mean, I'm being helpful. I'd appreciate it if you showed me more respect and you owe me a thank you, thousands of 'em, you're living off me, for fuck's sake!"
"Thanks, but…you don't have to be in charge of that, Dean, please…I can pay-"
"No!" he hollers with a fierce look on his face, and Blanca jumps. Maritza starts wailing in her carseat. "Just shut up, you god damn cunt! You'd be nowhere without me!" He hits the gas and begins driving. "A poor, homeless nobody! Nothing is in your name, do you understand?"
"Okay, sorry," she murmurs. When he gets angry, she knows it's time to be quiet.
"Try breaking up with me again, I dare you!"
"I won't."
"Smart girl." He honks the horn at a passing driver and she flinches. "Move!"
"He hadn't hit me yet…and he let me splurge once a month to get me to forgive him. He said, 'if I find that you have money that I never gave you, I will take it.' He mostly paid for all expenses and didn't allow me to shop by myself; I wanted to get the girls more than just twenty dollars worth of items, which is all that he gave me. I was young and in love and thus, delusional, I thought it would get better…I moved out with him and ditched my mom and regretted it later. "
They give her sympathetic looks as they listen. Diablo rubs calm circles on her back and strokes her hair. She loves how he makes her feel so safe, even when speaking of the trauma she'd experienced. He holds her in his protective arms as she does so.
"I've also got a little bit of Dean's temper, and I hate it!" Maritza exclaims. "I realized the kind of person he was several years back and decided I'd break the cycle…I didn't want to go down his dark and evil path."
"That's good, baby, you're nothing like him!" Blanca assures her.
"Sí, you're sweet as pie, my angel," Flaca puts in and kisses Maritza's cheek. The shorter girl leans her head on the taller one's shoulder.
"Did he ever let you and your girls go out for treats?" Gloria asks. "Arturo would always accuse me of wanting my sons to get fat from ice cream and cookies and he'd demand me, 'don't raise them to be pigs' and say repeatedly, 'God, you're such a shit mother,' and 'I'm in charge of when this family goes out to eat!' He wanted me under his control. He would flaunt his power in all kinds of ways, especially paying for our stuff, only on his terms. He would always make it out that I was the bad guy."
"Dean would do that too…and he kept my daughters and I much too skinny. When he was yelling, throwing shit, hitting me, the girls held dolls for comfort and I also found myself doing the same thing when I first moved back here. We all pictured a happy place, La Casa Azul, which is the Frida Kahlo mansion for those of you who didn't know about it."
Blanca takes in a shaky inhale and then continues. "The first slap was because he was ultra stressed and I didn't realize it and I kept asking his opinion on something and…he didn't mean to slap me, and he apologized but I still cried. It was so painful for me to take off my eye makeup because of my black eye. Sometimes, the abuse was so bad that my blood smeared the walls and it was hard to clean it. He even struck me once when I was carrying little Raiza. I fell forward, caught myself on my elbows and knees, bruising and scraping them bloody, cutting my lip, but my hands held Raiza close to my chest. Thankfully, my niñita wasn't injured…just shaken up slightly, crying, startled, and scared. I gave her to Maritza right away, but comforted her afterwards. He didn't care at that moment about either of the kids. He only wanted to hurt me."
Everyone's eyes are brimming with tears and Blanca chokes back a sob.
"I can't tell you how many times I felt his hands around my neck like a vice grip as he tried to choke the Devil out of me, as he'd always say. I struggled harder some times than others and once pulled his hands off me. I mustered up the strength to ask if he wanted me to die. He said no, he was just giving me exorcisms, trying to help me. Bullshit my ass! He punished me for not believing in God and had sex with me because I was a temptation. He told me he was Evangelical after we…did it…for the first time. I was basically forced to be a prostitute for him." Blanca swallows hard. "I was in fact raped, every night I was with Dean for sixteen and a half years...that's six thousand twenty-two point five times."
He instructs her to wear very short shorts and a low-cut tank top even though it's freezing, and he tells her she has to pile on the makeup. She feels like some hooker about to go to a saloon.
"Where the fuck is the teenager?"
"Maritza is taking a shower."
He throws her into their bed and undresses her like she's a kid. It's repulsive and degrading, but she can't do anything about it. His fist slams into her jaw and the tears come before she can speak.
"You made him think you didn't drink, woman. You will never turn down anything offered to you by me or my friends. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she says, holding her jaw where she's sure a bruise is forming. She looks down and spots three bloody lines across her chest. They still hurt to touch. Her hand and foot are both red where he banged her with his fist and boot. She looks terrible.
He grabs her butt and forces it on him while he pulls down his pants. He wraps his bare arms around her chest and it makes her feel so dirty.
"Do not make me push you down the stairs again tomorrow," he whispers violently to her. "I've got my eye on you."
She nods, with tears streaming down her face. He isn't done punishing her yet.
Blanca changes into what he likes to see her in every night, which is a French maid costume. She didn't have her hair done by the time he undressed himself and he bursts into their bathroom.
She guesses she's just lucky that he didn't know about her secret crush on Diablo. He'd kill her for sure.
"He beat me with an iron that I was previously using on one of his wrinkled pants. He'd branded his name into my skin and I got a tattoo to cover it. He didn't even let me watch the football game with him; I just wanted to watch fútbol anyway, not fútbol americano…but I couldn't when he was in the house, it was too dangerous."
"Yeah. At least the woman's husband wasn't a policeman in the movie The Unspoken Truth," Maritza points out.
"He'd threaten to cut up my green card and keep me as a personal slave," Blanca goes on gravely. "He'd run his thumb across my chin, just barely touching my split lip and I'd flinch when he brushed past the mark he'd inflicted on me. He allowed me to speak Spanish if he was feeling horny and fetishized me, but yelled at me to shut up once he'd had enough, and I did, immediately. He also expected me to dress as a maid or a schoolgirl and not have my costumes wrinkled or dirty. He'd stop me if they were and would make me fix them. Sometimes, I'd talk in Spanish in my sleep and he'd strike me and covered my mouth with tape and handcuffed me. Maritza would nurse my wounds after severe beatings when Dean was gone…before last October, we'd try to leave numerous times, but had always not had enough time to even pack."
"Gracias al buen Dios que finalmente estás lejos de él," Lourdes tells her. "I apologize greatly for your sixteen and a half years of hell."
Thank the good Lord you're finally away from him.
"I wanna kill him," Diablo comments as he glares at the table. "My heart aches every time I think of you in such a horrible situation. Lo siento mucho, mi amor." He kisses her cheek and then her temple as they take each other's hands.
"Same here, Blanquita!" Gloria sniffles and rubs her nose. "What a douchebag!"
"He's awful," Diane adds.
"I'm sorry that happened to you!" Alex chimes in.
"So am I. Fucking dipshit!" Nicky exclaims.
"I can't even call him a jerk, he's a thousand times worse than that," Shani mumbles.
"Motherfucker," Flaca mutters.
"Right? He should die," Maritza states as she wipes her eyes with the palms of her hands, being careful not to smear her makeup.
"Want me and my crew to find him and take him out?" Red asks.
"Not a bad idea, Ma!" Tricia says.
"Yeah!" Lorna agrees. "That'd be wonderful, Red." Franny nods in agreement.
"I got a good feeling that Leon could rip him apart to shreds, too," Aleida murmurs.
Blanca blinks back her tears. "Gracias a todos…pero no. It's really too hard. I'm just thankful to have a new and better life! When I got home from one of my first dates with Diablo as a couple, I cried, relieved that I was finally seeing the right man-both literally and figuratively. That's all that counts."
Diablo squeezes her hand in support and they gaze into each other's eyes with unspoken words of true love and devotion. She buries herself in his gentle embrace as she weeps silently.
Thank you for reading and reviewing, Juliette45 and MsSchneeheide!