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Slips Away

4: Time Rolls On

Bella

It took only seconds to dig my way out of the rubble, but that was all the time Victoria had needed to escape. I was about to take off after her, prepared to focus on finding her and finishing this…whatever the consequences, but a sound in the distance froze me where I stood.

Children's laughter.

My throat was blazing. The scent of the dried human blood on my clothes, both mine and the men's who did died in the room with me, was fuelling my burning thirst. I could hear the thrumming heartbeats of several children, and they seemed to pulse in me somehow. The monster that I had become was clearly evident to me.

I held my breath and ran towards the only other sound I could distinguish in that moment; the crashing of waves. I ran into the ocean and then swam as far and as fast as I could. Away from the sounds and scent, away from temptation and also to wash the blood from my clothes.

When I finally stopped swimming, I could not see land in any direction and my throat burned more and more fiercely. I would have to do something to quench it soon. I let the current carry me a while, as I wondered how to deal with my continuing thirst. There was no way I could be around humans. But I knew another way. The Cullens' example could guide me, even if they were not here to set it.

For some reason I felt safe in the water. It was like a blanket protecting me somehow, from what I had become and from unexpected surprises. Despite my resolve to hate Victoria and not fear her, I knew that a part of me would always be terrified of her. Just the thought of her brought a world of devastating memories crushing in on me. In the water I left no scent or trail. I felt less exposed here than I did on land. It didn't remind me of anything or anyone. It was unfamiliar and peaceful.

o

It took time to perfect my hunting technique. I would wait as long as I could, pushing my limits of self-control and relishing my burning throat as a sign of my success. When I finally could stand it no longer, I would swim until I could see land, waiting until I found desolate coast line with no sign of human habitation, before swimming any closer to shore. Then I would lay in wait, with just my eyes and ears above water, waiting for suitable prey. Not even allowing myself to use scent, not trusting my self-control. I felt like an alligator biding my time, awaiting an unsuspecting meal. I found the analogy a little amusing.

o

I had no idea how much time passed. Days bled into nights in a cycle that I made no effort to keep track of. My future yawned out in front of me; bleak and empty. I could not even consider contacting my family, for fear I would hurt Renee or Charlie. And as for my friends, I was an enemy to them now, even though I'd never intentionally do anything to hurt a single one of them. Jake was lost to me forever. My safety line had been severed and I was completely adrift.

I thought about the Cullens at times, but the hurt was still raw. Their abandonment of me still stung. Of course I couldn't trust anything Victoria had said, but although her venom was long gone, replaced with my own, the poison of her words as I changed continued to burn me. Was it possible that they had known that Victoria was coming for me, but left me defenseless anyway? I didn't want to believe it. But I had been naive about such things before and that had left me broken in the woods with a gaping emotional bullet hole in my chest. Even if I had wanted to find them, I would not know where to start. They had left no way to contact them or inkling of even the area they were relocating to. More evidence that they had left me behind without looking back.

One thing was certain; Edward had never loved me. It was so clear to me now that I was a vampire. If he had felt about me, the way that I had felt about him, no matter the provocation he would have been unable to tear himself away. It was actually beginning to piss me off that I was still hollow because of him. Wasn't I supposed to forget these things as I changed? I cursed Victoria for making sure that I didn't...and for so much more than that.

Even once I had gained control over my thirst, I could still never go home. Not while Victoria existed. My thirst and inexperience were weaknesses she could use against me, but once I had overcome them, I intended to find her and end the game that she had started. But this time I would be the hunter and she the hunted. I still couldn't bring myself to care who would win, so long as it was over.

xXx

Jasper

"Damn it!" Alice exclaimed, actually managing to startle me as she had been still and silent for so long.

"You need to stop putting this pressure on yourself, Alice," I told her, pulling her close to me. "You cannot force a vision, when there is nothing to see." We had been over this many, many times. Bella wasn't making any decisions at all. She was drifting, without direction. Alice could hardly see her at all. The brief glimpses she did get showed Bella in generic water or wilderness, with no way at all for us to identify where she might be.

"Nothing more I can do now…but everything I should have done then," Alice whispered in despair.

"As much as you want and try to, you cannot live other people's lives for them. They will make their own decisions and choices. All you can do is make sure they have the information they need and let them make an informed decision," I tried to reassure her.

"I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him for what she's been through," she told me, her voice hollow.

"He will never forgive himself. Once he realizes the truth of what has happened, I fear for him Alice. Even he will not be strong or stoic enough."

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