Chapter 2

She wakes up on her back, with dark hair tickling her nose and sun shining in her eyes through the curtain. Rachel has an arm and a leg slung across her body. Quinn knows she should feel uncomfortable, or panicked, or some other unpleasant emotion. But all she feels is an overwhelming sense of peace.

She knows she should feel uncomfortable; she feels uncomfortable in almost every area of her life. She should definitely feel weird about waking up tangled with the main target of her teenage rage. But that was then and this is now. She is 20 years old now; equipped with more understanding of that teenage rage than she is ready to acknowledge.

Quinn lets her eyes drift shut again, not ready for this temporary peace to come crashing down around her yet. She thinks back to when the first shift in her dynamic with Rachel happened.

…

Fall break 2012

Quinn stood with her shoulder leaning on the wall column leading into Rachel's living room where all her friends were sitting around drinking, shouting, and playing games. It's the first time the New Directions have been back together since packing their bags and heading out of Lima for their futures.

Their bellies are full with food from their "Friendsgiving" they just celebrated together in Rachel's dining room. Everyone took turns at the table to update everyone on how their freshman year (or new beginning for those who chose paths outside of college) was going. Quinn shared only the good parts of her experience at Yale. But, the truth is, she is miserable. She feels like she hasn't slept since the summer. She isn't used to sharing her space with someone else. Her dorm roommate is nice enough, almost too polite and considerate. However, Quinn has always been someone who requires alone time to recharge. She has spent her whole life putting on a character, projecting a certain type of person to everyone in her life. The only time she lets her guard down is when she is alone, shedding her public persona like skin.

Her classes are hard. Not academically, but socially. She is just one of many at Yale. Everyone is on her level, or above it. She doesn't have anything that puts her ahead. Her looks don't matter, her family's name or money doesn't matter, and she has no "team" standing behind her. She feels like Lucy all over again, or as if she is a pregnant teenager again.

She scans the room again. Everyone else seems like they're adjusting well. Santana is on the Louisville cheer team, working her way up and earning respect already. Brittany is reliving her high school year, but better than ever and more independent without her or Santana bossing her around. She is growing into her own person. She will be able to join Santana next year with her new grades. Kurt worked his way into NYADA. He is joining clubs and making friends who match his fashion sense and abilities. Puck is living his dream in California, even when he is barely scraping by, he is happy with his luck. Finn is in the best shape of his life, gearing up to leave for boot camp come the new year. He seems content and confident with his decision to join the military. Mercedes is putting in the work in Nashville, already recording several songs of her own and singing backup vocals for big name artists. Artie and Tina are doing something great too, she just isn't sure what. By that point, Quinn's brain couldn't take any more successes from her peers that weren't her own.

Then there was Rachel. None of her success surprised Quinn. She knew she would find her place in New York and at NYADA. She has updated her wardrobe, while somehow keeping her own personal style intact, courtesy of a "hot, hairless upperclassman," as Kurt eloquently described him. Kurt then pulled up this hairless man's social media and passed his phone around. Finn made his classic red faced, gassy expression and left the room during this. Rachel is going to perform in a NYADA's winter showcase, she is going on dates, and living her dream in the city with her best friend Kurt by her side.

Quinn finishes her drink and wanders back to the kitchen for a refill. She spots what looks like Rachel being literally backed into a corner by no other than Finn Hudson. Her back is pressed against the corners of her countertops, staring a hole through Finn's chest while he whispers something intensely down at her.

Quinn considers backing out, having her fair share of that love triangle drama, but then Rachel shifts her head and makes eye contact with her. Quinn sighs, her fate decided. She makes her presence known, "Hey, where can I get a refill around here?"

Rachel puts on what Quinn always considers her "show face" and wiggles herself away from Finn. "I'll get it for you!" She says brightly, ever the hostess. Finn shakes his head and leaves through the backdoor. Quinn can see him through the kitchen window looking at an outdoor chair, probably considering whether he should sit down or kick it over. He shakes his head again and starts walking towards the side of the house, presumably deciding to leave all together.

Rachel hands her a cup full of orange juice and champagne. "You know, you really don't have to put up with his shit anymore." Quinn says.

"I'm not. We just had some things to discuss seeing as this is probably our last time seeing each other before he leaves for boot camp." Rachel shrugs her shoulders and starts wiping down the already clean counters. Quinn watchers her for a second, knowing that isn't all they were discussing. As Rachel's scrubbing gets more intense, the truth starts falling out. "I just- I don't get it! He tells me to go live my life in New York, we haven't spoken outside of a few phone calls when I was feeling particularly lonely, and yet he acts like he still has some sort of claim on me."

Quinn scoffs, "I'm sure he has been living his best life with his new fit body and fear of the future. I doubt he has been living the life of a Monk since you left."

"Which is great for him! I'm happy that he has found something he sees as meaningful for his future. My life isn't only fun in New York. Most days, I'm left in the loft by myself, facetiming my dads because I'm lonely and miss this place in ways I was not prepared for. Kurt is the one going on dates and making all the friends, I just sometimes tag along with him. Everyone is so talented at NYADA. In way more ways than just singing. My dance teacher hates me and I'll probably be repeating that same class until I graduate!" Rachel abandons cleaning a hole into the counter, slightly out of breath after her rant.

Quinn takes a sip of her drink and cringes (who knew Rachel would be so heavy handed on the champagne), and thinks about how to reply. She isn't good at comforting people, and she never really thought she would still be involved with the glee club group after graduating. She kind of figured they'd all fade into her past, especially Rachel.

She reaches into the pocket of her jacket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes, something she hasn't been able to completely give up since her punk phase. She knew she'd crave a cigarette when she started drinking, as well as being around everyone again for the first time. She figured it'd give her an excuse to step outside for a breather away from everyone.

She waves the pack around, even though she knows Rachel will disprove of her habit. "Wanna get some air?"

To her surprise, Rachel's only response is to drop her tense shoulders and nod. Quinn follows her out of the same door Finn stormed out of. Quinn sits down on the glider while Rachel works on getting the electric fire pit started up to fight off the November cold.

Quinn lights up, takes a drag and finally responds. "Yale sucks. I'm not Quinn Fabray there the way I am here. It's freeing, but mostly terrifying. I have no idea who I am. I never thought I'd come back to Lima. Me and Judy don't celebrate holidays. It always ends up being more sad than anything; just the two of us sitting around trying to not acknowledge the broken family. Judy tries to pretend she doesn't blame me, and I try to pretend I don't know that she does. But, when fall break came, I couldn't wait to come back." Quinn scoffs at herself, feeling herself close in on herself at the thought of oversharing. She must be more than tipsy.

Rachel takes a seat beside her on the glider. Both Rachel and Quinn stare into the fire, sharing the silence. Rachel reaches over to take Quinn's cigarette, taking a puff before erupting into a coughing fit.

Quinn, to her own horror, starts giggling while reaching over to clap Rachel on the back until she is done coughing. Rachel joins in on laughing at herself while Quinn takes the cigarette back. "That's terrible. That probably just took 5 years off my singing career life."

"I didn't ask you to try it." Quinn says, still smiling.

They sit in companionable silence, passing Quinn's drink back and forth while watching the fire.

…

That's how Santana finds them almost an hour later. She opens the back door, letting the party noises flood them from the inside. "There you dramatic bitches are. When no one could find either of you I thought Rachel was playing the long game and we'd find her wearing your skin and howling at the moon." She nods towards Quinn. Rachel lets out an indignant gasp and gears up for a reply. "Never mind that, we are all about to take shots and play a drinking game. We need the key to the liquor cabinet."

Santana heads back inside, leaving the backdoor open for them to follow. Rachel grabs her elbow and quickly lets go before Quinn can make it inside. "You are Quinn Fabray wherever you go. You only have to make everyone realize that at Yale. You'll be running campus in no time, if that's something you'd want."

Quinn looks down at Rachel, her face full of confidence for Quinn's abilities that she doesn't feel herself. "I don't think I want to run things anymore. I just want to be happy." She feels embarrassed at admitting something that sounds so sad. She tries to shift the attention away from herself. "You're still too big for Lima. You will find your place in NYADA and they'll name an auditorium after you before you even graduate."

Rachel grins and looks down at her feet briefly before lifting her eyes again, tucking her hair behind her ears. Quinn follows each motion. "I'll keep reminding you who you are, if you keep reminding me who I am." Rachel proposes.

Quinn can't help but smile back, "Deal."

They head inside to find Santana standing up on the middle of the kitchen island like it is her own stage, trying to explain the rules of whatever game they're going to be playing to a bunch of people already too drunk to understand a game of Go Fish.

…

After too many shots because she kept refusing to do the obnoxious dares Brittany and Santana were trying to get her to do, and two more cups of Rachel's version of a mimosa, Quinn is feeling floaty. She lets the white noise of the people she loves wash over her, taking in the heat and comfort of Rachel's living room. She feels her muscles relax for the first time in months, almost feeling sore from releasing the tension she didn't realize she was carrying around. Her eyes are heavy and she knows she is giggling along with everyone else; giggling at what, she doesn't know.

Distantly, Quinn can hear the sober people starting to round everyone up to leave. Quinn realizes she didn't arrange a ride home, not thinking she would get past tipsy for the evening. Before she knows it, everyone has bid their goodnights and left Quinn as the only remaining member in Rachel's home.

"Oh," she says softly, letting her eyes roam around the room. Rachel walks in from shutting and locking her front door.

She nervously clasps her hands together. "So, I think it would be best if you stayed the night here. I can't in good conscience let you drive home in this state. I may have turned a blind eye at your unhealthy habit of smoking cancer sticks, but I won't let you drink and drive! I am still working out my guilt over what happened when you were texting me back before my joke of a wedding with my therapist, I can't add something that tragic on top of it!" By the end of her speech, Rachel is standing assertively, resolute in her decision.

Quinn is too comfortable and peaceful to argue with a Rachel Berry that has already made her mind up. "Ok."

"Ok?" Rachel says, surprised. "Ok!" She claps her hands and bounces on her toes. Quinn finds it adorable. She will blame that thought process on the alcohol coursing through her veins. "My dads won't be home until tomorrow afternoon. I have every toiletry you could possibly need! I know you probably won't like any of my night clothes, so I'll grab you the t-shirt I like to steal from my daddy to sleep in."

Quinn can only nod along with Rachel's excitement and follow her upstairs. Rachel goes through like a tornado drunk off champagne to supply Quinn with everything she needs. Quinn thought Rachel might brush her teeth for her at one point.

Before Quinn's foggy brain can truly catch up, she is pulling back Rachel's comforter and slipping in her bed next to her. Rachel is still talking, but Quinn lets her voice lull her into the most peaceful sleep she has had in months. She feels like she shed her skin and left it behind on Rachel's back porch.

…

Winter break 2013

Quinn startles back to consciousness when she feels Rachel move on her chest. She starts gripping Quinn tighter before her brain catches onto what she is doing. Rachel slowly pulls away and busies herself with dramatic stretches and yawns, pretending she wasn't using Quinn as her favorite stuffed animal.

"Mornin'." Rachel mumbles.

"Good morning, sunshine." Quinn replies. Quinn was pleased to learn that Rachel is not a morning person when it comes to her holiday break mornings.

Rachel gets up and drags herself to the bathroom. Quinn listens to the running water from the sink. Once Rachel is finished, she leaves her bedroom to head downstairs without another word. Quinn takes her turn using the bathroom. She grabs the toothbrush next to Rachel's and freshens up.

Quinn follows Rachel's trail to the kitchen where she sees her and her fathers gathered around the kitchen island eating their homemade breakfast. She finds a plate and chair set up for her. Quinn knows there is something unspoken in the Berry household where they now assume Quinn is sleeping upstairs when Rachel is home on break.

Quinn starts to feel itchy with the warmth that thought gives her. She falls into easy conversation with the Berry men while Rachel grumbles to her vegan breakfast, still waking up.

…