First, reviews and replies.

REVIEW RESPONSES:

AsheTDust [for chapter 1], RESPONSE: Don't worry. Jinn's magic isn't exactly a cure-all. For one, he can't completely get rid of Ranma's Jusenkyo curse. And Kenma only found Shampoo through coincidence. But we will expand on the concept that Jinn's magic isn't totally infallible.

Same reviewer, but for Chapter 2: Nyanma? *laughs and shakes head* Good one! Nice to see Ranma and Ukyo continue bonding. She was always more of the more sane of the cast members. Excepting that whole fight the ocean thing. But for a Rumiko character that's still fairly sane.
Good pacing on the chapter, it did not feel as rushed as the last one. My opinion only. Discard as you will.
I was thinking, given how Gemma rarely learns from his mistakes what are the odds he tried training Kenma in a different ultimate unbeatable technique? It could add an interesting story arc to flesh out in the future. [Maybe.] Anyways...great chapter, look forward to Lum joining the cast and thanks for sharing this!

Hope to see more reviews from you; they're a big help when it comes to livening things up in the chapters!

Season 2, Episode 3:

"A Shock from the Stars!
The Notorious L.U.M. Appears"

guest-starring Lum Invader of "Those Noisy Neighbors"

VOICE CAST:

Rob Paulsen as Ranma Saotome
Pat Musick as Ranko Saotome
Cam Clarke as Kenma Saotome
Lacey Chabert as Ukyo Kuonji
Terry MacGovern as Djinn/"Jinn"
Liliana Mumy as Lum Invader
Bill Farmer as Mr. Allen Invader
Lauren Tom as Shampoo
Rene Auberjonois as Soun Tendo
Ed Gilbert as Genma Saotome
Dianne Pershing as Nabiki Tendo
Kath Soucie as Kasumi Tendo
Grey DeLisle as Akane Tendo
Michael Gough as Daisuke
Andy Lawrence as Hiroshi
Fransesca Marie Smith as Ryunosuke "Ryno" Fujinami
Will Ryan as Junichi
Terrence "Terry" Scammell as Hiroto Midashi
Ken Mars as Government Guy
Hiro Kanagawa as Toshiro
Ted Cole as Kuno
June Foray as Cologne
Andrea Romano as Nodoka Saotome

[additional voices to be added as the chapter goes on]

So! In case you missed how last episode ended, Ranma and the gang came back to the Tendo Dojo...only to find a mountain of a man sitting at the table, claiming to be an invader from another planet. Let's see how things go from there!

"...so wait, you're saying we have to fight some kinda alien invaders?" inquired Daisuke. By now, there was a government agent who had joined them at the table as well.

"As part of their planetary occupation, these aliens have asked us to agree to one condition," explained the government guy.

"We're gonna compete in a showdown with a few human beans that our computah picked," added Mr. Invader. "If we lose, we pack up the toys an' head for home."

"And so we got picked?" asked Ranma. "Doesn't feel too random t'me."

"Well, computahs ain't in the mistake-makin' business, boy," replied Mr. Invader. "Sides, the name of the game is 'tag', y'see?"

At this, everyone else plotzed in surprise.

"...'tag'...as in, 'you're it'...?" asked Soun, bewildered. "The fate of the world...rests on a game of tag...?!"

Suddenly, a bright blue beam of lightning shot from the clouds and landed in the backyard. The resulting explosion blew away the sliding doors, and knocked everyone inside on their backs.

As the thick smoke cleared, a humanoid shape became more visible.

"Well, now! There, ah say, there's your opponent!" Mr. Invader guffawed. "Hey, Lum! We-all've been waitin' for ya!"

The group glanced at each other, then turned back towards the doorway. Standing in the wings was a rather attractive-looking young woman. She wore a tiger-print bikini with matching boots, had amber-colored eyes and luminescent turquoise hair, and two tiny horns atop her head.

"So...I take it these guys are my opponents?" she asked. "Hi...the name's Lum."

Hiroshi and Daisuke were practically salivating at the sight of the alien girl standing in front of them, while everyone else looked upon her with varying degrees of caution or concern.

"This 'ere is mah daughter!" Mr. Invader grinned, gesturing to Lum. "She's a purty one, ain't she? Anyways, I bettah go over the rules. The humes here are it, and ya got 10 days to beat mah girl by grabbin' her by them little ol' horns atop her head!"

"Is that all, then?" asked Kenma. "Sounds deceptively simple, really."

"True," nodded Junichi as the group got into a huddle. "I mean, statistically speaking one of us should have a good opportunity to catch her. There's 8 of us, and only one of Lum."

"I wouldn't mind getting to grab 'er," smiled Daisuke.

"That makes two of us!" agreed Hiroshi.

Ryno grabbed their heads and klonked them together, Three Stooges-style. "Knock it off, you two, before I knock it off for ya," she told them both.

"Oww! Sorry, geez...!" Hiroshi and Daisuke winced, rubbing their sore skulls.

"Anyways, for the majority of this situation, some of us will take to the field, while some of us stay back to monitor things," explained Junichi. "After all, we shouldn't put all our cards on the table, y'know?"

Hiroshi and Daisuke glanced at each other.

"When you're right...you're right, I guess," shrugged Hiroshi. "I'm thinking Ranma, Ukyo, Kenma, for today's team."

"And me, Hiroshi, and Ryno for tomorrow!" Daisuke finished.

"Right then," nodded Ranma. "Junichi, you and Jinn get whatever you can to help us during this."

Junichi nodded. "I'll do my best."

"Is that all, then?" asked Kenma. Nobody said 'no' or shook their heads. "Great. Ready...BREAK!"

And with that, they turned back towards Soun, Kasumi, Allen, and the government guy.

"So, have you made your choice?" the government guy asked.

"...we'll take the challenge," declared Team Ranma.

"Hoo-hoo-wee!" exclaimed Mr. Invader. "Well, if'n that don't make me happier than a hog at sloptime! We staht the games t'morrow, so eat a nice suppah, an' get'cher 8-10 hours a' shuteye!"

Suddenly, there was a rumbling sound that seemed to be coming from all around the house.

"Wh-what's thaaaat?" asked Nabiki, jostled by the rumbling.

"Better brace ourselves!" declared Jinn as he got next to Kasumi in a defensive stance.

As if on cue, a tidal wave of news reporters and journalists came swarming in like a colony of frenzied honeybees, each of them brandishing either microphones, notepads, pencils, or tape recorders as they surrounded Team Ranma.

"Ranma Saotome! A moment of your time!"
"We just gotta ask some questions!"
"Did a yeti really steal your t-shirts?"
"Is it true you did the chicken dance in your underwear?"

Pushing through the crowd, a man in his '40s pulled himself out and brushed himself off. "Hiroto Midashi, for The Nerima News. This is an awfully big responsibility that's been put on your shoulders," he said, pulling out a microphone and presenting it to Ranma. "What are your thoughts on this?"

Ranma cleared his throat and spoke up. "It's for the sake of Earth, Hiroto," he responded. "If we don't do it, then who WILL?"

Immediately, the group was assuaged with camera flashes from the many, MANY pictures being taken. As this was going on, Genma pushed his way into the pictures and draped an arm around Ranma and Kenma's shoulders.

"Attaboys! I'm so proud of you two deciding to defend this planet from alien rule!" he beamed, laughing. "I taught them everything I know! And YOU can learn it too if you come down to the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Indiscriminate Grappling, so you can train in the Martial Arts! Right here in Neri—"

BONNNNG~!

Ranma and Kenma had both elbowed Genma in the back of the head, knocking him face-first to the floor. It was bad enough he was a pathetic teacher and an even WORSE parental figure, but there was NO WAY IN HELL that they would let him use them for free publicity.

From nearby, Lum watched with interest. Maybe this would be fun after all...

THE NEXT DAY...

Ranma, Kenma, and Ukyo were standing in a stadium packed with humans and Lum's species alike, all of whom had gathered to watch the battle play out.

"Good morning, Nerima; I'm Hiroto Midashi!" exclaimed the reporter from yesterday, who was being flown overhead in a helicopter. "It's a beautiful day, and we couldn't have picked a better time to fight for the fate of the human race! So let's take a look at Earth's representatives. Whaddo we got here, Toshiro?"

Down on the field, another reporter, in his 30s, was observing from a closer vantage point. "Well, Hiroto, here are the three plucky kids repping for our big blue marble today," he said, as his cameraman's lens zoomed in on Ranma, who was wearing a silvery white jumpsuit with a few blue accents on it and a red triangle on the chest area. "First up, we have RANMA SAOTOME: age 16 and a student of the 'Anything-Goes' school of martial arts!"

Ranma glanced at the camera and gave a little wave in response.

"Next, we have Ranma's fraternal twin brother, KENMA SAOTOME: age 16, and he's not just training in MARTIAL arts, he's also interested in the kind of art that involves a pencil, some paper, and a fertile imagination." Toshiro continued, as the camera panned over to Kenma, whose jumpsuit was a metallic blue color. Once he saw the camera was focused on him, he gave a wink and did finger-guns.

"And last but not least, Ranma's fiancée, UKYO KUONJI: age 16, and a practicioner of okonomiyaki-based martial arts," Toshiro finished as the camera showed Ukyo, clad in her own metallic-red/hot-pink jumpsuit.

"By the way, if you're ever in the area, folks, don't hesitate to stop by Okonomiyaki Ucchan's, my restaurant!" the brunette girl smiled at the camera, giving a V for victory sign. "Okonomiyaki: the japanese pizza that's outta this WORLD!~"

Clearing his throat, Toshiro continued from where he'd left off. "Aaaanyway, the tag game will last from sunrise to sunset over the course of 10 days; if any of the team members can get their hands on Lum's horns, then we chalk a big one up for Ol' Planet Earth," he explained. "But if Lum can keep them at bay over the course of 10 days, and if they lose, then we'd better make room for our intergalactic new neighbors!"

"OK, we ready?" asked Ranma, gathering the other two into a huddle.

"Sure as shootin'," Kenma nodded. "This one's for Earth!"

"And for the publicity!" Ukyo added with a grin.

"...right," Ranma responded, before the huddle broke, and they turned to face Lum.

"ON YOUR MARKS..." said the announcer, raising a starting pistol. "...GET SET...GO!"

BANG! went the pistol, and first out of the starting gate was Ranma, charging towards Lum with his hands out in front of him. But as he took a leap at her, she suddenly floated up into the air!

Ranma landed on the ground, tumbled a few feet, and then got up & brushed himself off. "What's the big idea?" he queried. "Nobody ever said you could fly!"

Lum smirked. "Well, then you should've done your research," she retorted as she drifted away. "Catch me if you can~!"

Ukyo fumed. "So that's how she wants to play it, huh?" the okonomiyaki chef spat.

"Then good thing SHE'S not the only one who has an advantage in the air," Kenma smirked. He cupped his hands and bellowed: "...NIIIIIM-BUUUUUUUS!"

In a sudden streak of yellow, the familiar golden cloud was at his side within seconds.

"OK, guys; all aboard," the redheaded Saotome told Ranma and Ukyo. "We're gonna get that alien for SURE!"

"It's kinda small," commented Ukyo. "How are we all supposed to fit on there?"

"Totem pole formation," Ranma stated. "We climb on each other's shoulders and hang on tight while we're flying."

"Hope that works..." said Kenma. "This little guy can go really fast!"

And so, Kenma boarded the Nimbus, then Ukyo got on Kenma's shoulders, and Ranma got on Ukyo's shoulders.

"Okay, Nimbus..." grunted Kenma. "Follow that alien girl!"

The Nimbus lifted into the air, all passengers onboard, and sped off like a jet, in hot pursuit of Lum.

The girl in question was humming casually to herself, reclining on her back as she floated through the air, until she suddenly heard the cloud flying after her.

So, these earthfolk are full of surprises, aren't they? she thought to herself. W-well, good! I was worried that this was gonna be boring.

Getting back into the game, Lum started flying quickly.

"Nimbus, cut her off at the pass," Kenma instructed. The cloud immediately zipped around, cutting Lum's trail off in an instant. The turquoise-haired alien turned around to fly the other way, but another direction, and Nimbus immediately cut her escape off again.

"Nowhere to run now!" Ranma shouted. "Do ya surrender?"

Lum rubbed her chin a few times, pondering on how to outwit them, before inspiration struck, and a smile crossed her face. Rearing back, she flew to the left-only to be blocked. She flew to the right, only to be blocked again.

Then she flew forward, only getting cut off once more. She tried flying backwards, but she was blocked again.

Then left, then right, then forward, then backward, sideways, front, left, back, right, front, forward, left, back, sideways, upward, right, back, front, left, downward...and so on and so forth, until by the time Lum ceased, all three cloud-riders were left dizzy from the constant attempts to cut Lum off. Even the Nimbus was exhausted, huffing and puffing.

"M-make everythin' s-stop spinninnnnnn'..." Kenma groaned, his eyes spinning wildly in his skull.

"...gonna barf..." groaned Ranma, as his face turned green.

"Well, isn't this a shame~" Lum smirked playfully, as she pranced over their heads with ease.

THAT EVENING...

The group had once again met up at the Tendo Dojo to strategize. To better encapsulate that atmosphere, the lights were dimmed and the dojo room was redecorated to look more like a military planning room.

"Okay, so today was a bust," said Kenma. "We need some way to make sure she can't fly off. Blocking her in the air didn't work, as we all became aware of this morning."

"Maybe we could distract her?" suggested Hiroshi. "Perfect time for me to bust out...my PUPPETS!" He took out two teddy bear-sized puppets that fit over his forearms and vaguely resembled muppets.

"...dude, it's gonna look weird if you're using puppets on live television in front of zillions," Daisuke responded.

"Puppetry is a legitimate art form, man," Hiroshi insisted. "It could be what saves the whole world."

"We'll keep that on the board," Ukyo replied as she wrote a note and stuck it on a nearby bulletin board. "Any other suggestions?"

"Maybe we bring a bunch of weights and use them to tie her down?" suggested Kenma.

"How would we even manage to get them on her?" asked Ranma. "She'd be 4 feet up in the air before we had a chance to start tying."

"Ah, you're right," Kenma groaned as he laid on his back. "That's a terrible idea!"

"We oughta try and snipe her outta the sky somehow," Ranma suggested.

"Sure, but with what?" asked Ryno.

"Well, with these!" Daisuke exclaimed as he showed off a deck of playing cards, which he flipped between his hands.

"How are we gonna snipe her down with cards?" queried Ukyo.

"You underestimate how much a papercut hurts," stated Daisuke.

"Well, unless they're sharp-edged and you can throw those things like shuriken, we may as well scrap that plan along with the weights one." replied Ukyo dryly.

Kenma groaned in aggravation. "Only day one, and we're already coming up with stinkers!" he sighed. "If we can't figure out a way to win this game, then not only are WE sunk, so is the whole world!"

"Not to mention we'll never be able to show our faces in public ever again," added Ryno.

"Well...maybe I could try appealin' to her stomach?" suggested Ukyo.

Everyone immediately turned to face the brunette girl.

"I whip up a big batch of okonomiyaki, and the smell wafts over," explained Ukyo. "She gets a whiff, her stomach starts growling, and she decides to see what that delectable fragrance is. I offer her a few of 'em as a peace offering, and while she eats, then you guys jump in and grab her by the horns."

Kenma looked up from writing down the plan details. "It's unexpected, it's crafty...and honestly, it's the best plan we've got. I say we do it." he responded.

Everyone put their hands in the middle, and it was settled.

DAY TWO

Genma scoffed to himself as he sat in the stadium crowd. "Those boys had better not louse it up today," he remarked. "If we get conquered by aliens, then they can forget about inheriting the Anything-Goes School."

"So nice to know you've got your priorities in order," Akane remarked dryly.

"Maybe those space-cases are hungry," commented Nabiki. "I'd say there's enough meat on Mr. Saotome to have one day, and the rest to keep as leftovers. I'd probably make a killing selling them utensils and recipes." she added, holding up a book labeled 126 Ways to Serve Lazy Pandas.

"Nabiki...!" Soun gasped, as Genma paled at the thought.

"Calm down, it's a novelty book cover," Nabiki chided, as the group arrived on the field. "Hold on, here they come now."

Everyone turned to see Ranma, Kenma, Ukyo and their friends arriving on the field, while Ukyo and Jinn were pushing out what looked like a portable grill, along with some ingredients.

"Here comes Team Ranma, and they have what looks to be...a portable flat-top grill?" Toshiro commented, seeing this. "...as well as other assorted cooking accoutrement."

"Oh, my..." said Kasumi. "What do you suppose Ranma and the others could be up to?"

"Guess we'll see for ourselves," nodded Shampoo.

Out on the field, Ranma and the gang got into a group huddle.

"Alright, first each of us takes a chance, two by two, chasing her about while Ukyo gets the okonomiyaki ready," instructed Kenma.

Ranma nodded. "10-4!"

Hiroshi saluted. "Roger that!"

Daisuke gave a thumbs-up. "Got it!"

"Right!" added Ryno.

"Ready?...BREAK!" Kenma declared, and they broke the huddle as they spread out in twos, each of them giving chase after Lum, who dipped and darted like an out-of-control housefly.

And lo, the chase began, while Ukyo prepped her supplies and started makin' a fresh batch of okonomiyaki. Naturally, the group kept Lum distracted by continuing their chase.

"Come on, are you guys even trying?" she giggled.

Ryno scoffed dryly. "...oh, you'll see..." she muttered under her breath.

"Well, you'll hafta excuse us for not bein' as 'advanced' as your civilization~!" Daisuke remarked, acting like he was more tired than he actually was.

"Not all of us can fly, ya know!" Ranma retorted.

"Too bad for you~!" The alien girl giggled as she continued to gracefully evade capture from the quintet, little realizing that this was all part of the plan.

"How much longer?" whispered Daisuke.

Kenma turned back to him. "Another 5 minutes...we gotta give Ukyo some more time." he replied.

"Let's lead her around town and through the school," said Hiroshi. "Would that work?"

Kenma nodded. "Sure, but how we gonna lead her?" he asked.

The boys heard footsteps, and turned to see Junichi arriving on the field with a plunger gun.

They looked at each other and nodded. "...yeah, that'll work." they replied, before they quickly ran over to him.

"OK, Junichi, how does this work?" asked Ryno.

"Well, simple; you aim, fire, and if you squeeze the trigger a second time, it retracts the plunger," explained Junichi.

"Sounds easy enough to me," Kenma smirked. "And I know JUST where to fire."

Like James Bond in every intro for his movies, Kenma took aim, and fired the plunger gun at Lum's chest. The second squeeze of the trigger pulled her bra right off, and into his hand! Instinctively, Lum clasped her hands over her breasts in shock.

"Hey guys, who's up for a game of keep-away, eh?" he asked.

"WE ARE!" Hiroshi and Daisuke shouted.

"GIVE ME BACK MY ONLY OUTFIT!" Lum yelled.

"...you'll have to catch us first," Kenma smirked as he and the others took off running, although Kenma had to go by Nimbus so he didn't get too tired. In a fit of embarrassment and anger, Lum took off after them.

"THE NERVE OF THAT JERK!" Akane fumed. "I knew he was a pervert!"

"It's underhanded, it's crafty...and it's absolutely fucking genius," Nabiki smirked in that catlike way she'd become so accustomed to.

And so, the group led Lum towards Furinkan High School, while Kenma passed the bra to Ranma, like a sports baton.

"Halt, despicable rogues!" shouted Kuno as he ran outside. "Your juvenile behavior shall NOT persist, not while I am around!"

"Yo Kuno, heads up!" Ryno exclaimed as she gave him a punch in the stomach while passing by, sending him stumbling towards the pursuing Lum. Once he gained his bearings, he stood before Lum with his arms out.

"Greetings, fair maiden from beyond the stars! I am Tatewaki Kuno, Earth's greatest swordsman!" he declared with his usual confidence. "I understand you may be seeking my hand in courtship, and our love shall be unlike ANYTHING witnessed on Earth or beyond!"

Lum just glanced at him with a flat look. "...sorry, but I'm not interested." she retorted.

"Something must be wrong with her; no doubt that wicked cur Saotome has cast upon her the same wicked spell he cast upon the pigtailed girl," Kuno muttered out loud. "Very well, then...I shall do all that I must to release her!"

And once more, he leapt towards Lum, whose hair began taking on an amber tint while her body started to convulse with tiny electrical jolts.

"I SAID...I'M...NOT...INTERESTED!" Lum roared as she put her hands out, firing twin beams of electrical energy straight at Kuno, zapping him something fierce and sending him flying backwards...right through four walls.

While still running, Hiroshi noticed Kuno's body convulsing with electrical jolts. "...so she can shoot electricity. Alright, guys? We need rubber gloves so WE don't get flash-fried like Kuno did!" he told the others.

"Just got some from the science lab closet," said Kenma as he tossed the others some pairs of gloves. "And now, it's time to bring it on home!"

That being done, they headed out of the school, and after catching their breath, they turned their direction back to the stadium, while throwing Lum's bra to the wind, before it smacked into her face by sheer coincidence.

Of course, by now, all that flying around had made Lum pretty hungry. As she tied her bra back on, a tantalizing aroma tickled her nose, and out of curiosity, she decided to go and see what it was.

Ukyo was finishing up her okonomiyaki, and Junichi was fanning the scent out.

"Hey, excuse me?" Lum asked as she finished following the scent. "What exactly is this?"

"Oh, this? It's a little something called okonomiyaki," Ukyo responded. "Would you like to try one? As a symbol of goodwill, y'know."

"Well...I admit, I could eat," Lum replied. "I'll take two!"

"Excellent choice," Junichi said as Uyko put them on a plate and gave them to Lum.

"Enjoy, and thanks for choosin' Okonomiyaki Ucchan's," Ukyo smiled. Lum sniffed again, then took the first one and began gnawing at it.

Toshiro watched, curious. "Interesting...now Lum is trying one of Ukyo's okonomiyaki," he murmured.

While Lum was partway through eating, Ranma and the others looked at each other.

"Now's your chance," said Ryno. "Go for it!"

Ranma nodded, and tiptoed quietly behind Lum. And then, once he was within arm's reach...he reached up, and grabbed her tiny little horns.

"Hm?" Lum mumbled.

At that time, everyone was utterly silent. Of course, nobody was more flabbergasted than Akane.

"...he did it..." exclaimed one person. "...he actually did it..."

Suddenly, the entire stadium erupted in an explosion of cheering.

"TEAM RANMA HAS ACCOMPLISHED THAT WHICH SEEMED IMPOSSIBLE!" exclaimed Toshiro. "THEY HAVE MANAGED TO WIN THE GAME, AND SAVE THE ENTIRE EARTH FROM CERTAIN DOOM!"

From a small house in Osaka, a brunette-haired woman clad in blue rubes watched on her crappy standard-definition television as Team Ranma celebrated their come-from-behind [heh-heh] victory.

"...so those are my sons, then..." she smiled. "Maybe they're closer to becoming men-among-men than they realize. And I'm due for a visit sometime, too."

Back at the Tendo house, the members of Team Ranma each raised a big, frosty mug of root beer in celebration as they clinked their glasses together and took a big, hearty swig.

"TEYANDEE!" they all exclaimed, as they laughed and cheered.

"...Ranma, didja ever, at any point in time before now, think you'd be in a situation like this?" asked Kenma.

"Not even a little," Ranma responded. "How about you?"

"No way!" Kenma shook his head in response. "It's fucking crazy, man. And yet, it's so awesome."

"I'll tell you what's crazy," said Ranma as he pointed to Lum, guzzling down a root-beer float. "Who'd have thought aliens liked root beer, too?"

"Aye," nodded Kenma. "Life is WILD like that."

"Excuse me?" asked a dry-sounding voice. "This wouldn't happen to be the Tendo Dojo, would it?"

"Sure is," Kenma said. "Might I ask what brings you by?"

"Well, I'm looking for a Kenma Saotome," the weathered old voice responded, prompting Kenma to turn around and see the speaker. It was a diminutive old woman, wearing a green tunic and clutching a walking stick. She had long white hair, and big round eyes.

"You're talking to him." Kenma stated.

"Well, that's good," the old woman responded. "I'm Cologne, and Shampoo is my great-granddaughter."

Kenma blinked in surprise, and shot a glance right at the camera, as we...IRIS-OUT.

Next up...whenever that is.

So now Shampoo's ancient grandmother has come to town, and she's hellbent on getting me to marry her granddaughter, and ONLY her...and she's willing to ensure Ranma gets stuck as a girl forever to make it happen. Of course, there's plenty of obstacles for that...and this one is Shampoo's ex, or so he claims. Why do I feel like this is gonna gimme a major headache?

Next episode: "Mousse on the Loose" [title subject to change.]

TEYANDEE!