Part 11
Severus sat in the library of the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. This was where he had his peace and quiet, where he could pursue his thoughts.
The sound of the door opening and closing snapped him out of his thoughts.
The sound of soft footsteps approached the sofa. And then he saw his daughter standing in front of him.
"What can I do for you, Miss Bell?" he asked, trying to slip into the role of the bad-tempered teacher who managed to terrify all the students with just one look. But whenever his daughter stood in front of him, more and more he realized that he couldn't and didn't want to live up to this role, at least not with her.
Katie was just too important to him to want to scare her away.
She was finally a part of his life, if only secretly.
"I wrote her a letter," was all she said.
Katie didn't need to say any more than that. Those words had been enough. It was no different for Severus to know who Katie meant by her. Well, there was only one person to whom she would write this letter and that was her mother, Bellatrix Lestrange.
Even if this woman did not deserve the title mother. However, did he deserve the title of father? Probably no more than Bellatrix deserved to be a mother.
"Percy meant that I-"
"Oh, does Mister Weasley suddenly know how best to deal with them now?" looking at his daughter with both disdain and anger.
How could she do such a thing? You don't write a letter to someone who is in the ranks of the Death Eaters just like that. Especially not Voldemort's most devoted follower. And especially not when it was actually important that she herself keep a low profile and not draw any attention to herself. After all, Katie was the child of prophecy and both Bellatrix and he had agreed that they would do anything to protect their daughter, well, even from themselves.
"She's my mother."
"She is only the woman who gave birth to you, but not your mother. That woman doesn't know motherly love. Only her fanaticism. She is loyal to the dark lord and only to him. And when the stakes are high, I don't know if-"
"I want to meet her. You can' forbid me to do that."
Furious, Katie looked at him. Looked at her father. Oh, didn't he understand that she finally wanted answers? Now, didn't he understand that she finally wanted more? There was a part of her she was unaware of?
Severus sighed.
It was at moments like this that Katie was so much like her mother.
"Sit down," he asked, pointing to the sofa.
However, Katie shook her head. There was no way she could talk to him now. Not anymore. Earlier, when she had walked up the stairs to the library, she had believed that he would ask her what she wanted to know about her mother. Ah, that maybe he'd finally give her some of the answers. Then again, she should have guessed it. Severus Snape was not a person to waste time on small talk.
Every day when the owls arrived with the mail, Katie's gaze slid up to them almost longingly. Still, she never got a reply to her letter.
So maybe it really had been a mistake to write to her. Obviously, Bellatrix had decided not to be a mother and Katie should leave it at that and no longer try to get answers to all the unanswered questions.
Now, Katie was sitting on the shore of the lake when a shadow fell over her from behind.
"Da-, Professor Snape," she looked at him in surprise.
Wordlessly, he pulled out a letter on his pocket and held it out to her.
"This shouldn't fall into the wrong hands," was all he had to say before leaving her alone again.
Now she was alone with the letter, which was probably from her mother.
From Bellatrix.
Katie struggled to keep herself from tearing open the letter and reading it at this very moment. She knew that as much as she longed for answers, now was not the time to read her mother's words. Though the chance of someone, or especially Dumbledore, catching her, so to speak, was too great.
She contemplated the envelope for a moment before tucking the letter into the back pocket of her shorts and heading off to a place where she knew she could read her mother's words in privacy.
Severus Snape was preparing everything for an experiment in his private laboratory.
His thoughts, however, were on this afternoon and what had happened at the Malfoy manor. Bellatrix had literally ambushed him and entrusted him with the letter for their daughter. It was the letter he had just given her at the lake.
She was probably still sitting by the lake, reading it. Lines with which Bellatrix would probably try to poison Katie's mind. There was nothing else he could imagine about this woman. After all, if there was even a spark of motherly love in Bellatrix, it might have been different back then. Nevertheless, these were thoughts he refused to entertain.
He was all the more surprised when there was a knock at his door.
Few people disturbed him in his private laboratory. Minerva. Remus. And Katie.
"What are you doing here?" his eyes narrowed at her.
" You said I should be careful. Look, I want to read her letter. Here. Because this is not where he' be coming to."
Severus nodded. Yes Dumbledore left him alone in his private lab. A place he had just for himself. And which he now shared with Katie. Wordlessly, he took a step aside and let Katie in.
"But you-"
"I'm not touching anything. No talking. I' m staying out of the way," she interrupted him.
Katie knew exactly what he expected of her, and of any person who disturbed him in his lab, exactly what kind of behavior.
A moment later, Severus turned back to his experiment while Katie made herself comfortable on a stool in the corner and began to read the letter.
His gaze kept sliding to her and he wondered what Bellatrix had written.
So lost in thought, he didn't notice at first how Katie suddenly stood next to him.
"Here," she said, holding the letter out to him.
"What do you want me to do with this?"
" I suppose you want to know what she wrote to me. Whether she wrote me that your dark lord is magnificent and the only true ruler of our world."
Of course he wanted to know if she had. And so much more. In fact, there were questions he himself had for Bellatrix. Ones that he had been asking himself over and over again lately. But surely he couldn't just read the letter and therefore Bellatrix's words.
Finally he shook his head, "They are your mother's words. She wrote them just to you."
Severus looked at the letter in Katie's hand for another moment.
No, he would not read it, no matter how much he might be interested in what Bellatrix had written. Quite simply, he would not read Bellatrix Lestrange's lies, not a word of it. And in fact Katie shouldn't have read them either, but it was too late for that and he hadn't stopped her. He hadn't protected her from the words.
"Her words are meant only for you," he explained then.
"But-"
"Don't you have another essay to write? About Amortentia?" he changed the subject, reminding her of the homework he had assigned to his class today.
Katie nodded.
Severus wanted to get rid of her and be alone. The whole situation was still unfamiliar to him, he was really a father now. Hell, he had a responsibility to his daughter. And that would actually be reason enough to keep her away from Bellatrix's lies and propaganda. In addition, to protect her from Dumbledore. However, for a while now, Katie knew the truth. And also Remus, even if it had been by chance.
Well, at least they both knew a small part of it and he wanted to keep it that way.
His daughter, however, had inherited her mother's thick head and his own stubbornness, so Katie didn't want to keep it that way. In fact, she didn't want to leave because she still had so many questions and she wanted answers at last.
The letter from her mother had not answered all of her questions.
And then there was her desire to get to know her mother properly, to meet her. In the last few days, Katie had thought about it over and over again.
Her life was a chaos and a lie, that she just realized.
She was Katie, and yet she wasn't.
She was Catelyn and yet she wasn't.
She was nobody.
Actually, she didn't know who she was. And the letter had answered none of those questions.
Who was she really? Apart from being the daughter of two Death Eaters.
"I didn't find an answer," she then explained.
Questioningly, Severus looked at his daughter.
"I have so many questions, for both of you. And that letter didn't give me any of the answers I wanted. Like who am I? And why did you two choose to have me? You gave me away after all. For what reason all of this? Hmm, and what about this prophecy?" questioning, she looked at her father.
Of course she knew the answers to these questions, actually. Yet sometimes the simple answers weren't enough. At times, she wanted more.
"You are my daughter," Severus replied.
"And Bellatrix's."
Severus nodded.
"But that's not all I am, or who I am," Katie added.
"You know who you are."
"No, I don't. Not really. Tell me about me, who am I. You owe me an answer," Katie demanded, anger welling up inside her.
Anger at her parents for the lies she had grown up with.
Anger and sadness because she had never known her mother's arms to rock her to sleep. Nor had her father ever taught her to fly on a broom. So much had been withheld from her in her life, even if she had had a wonderful childhood in Minerva McGonagall's house.
Still, that was nothing compared to her desire to have had parents.
As Severus looked at his daughter, he recognized many similarities to Bellatrix.
Something he hadn't noticed before, or at least hadn't paid attention to.
Katie's eyes flashed with anger. And he also saw a hint of sadness in them. He had seen the same expression in Bellatrix's eyes many times, too many times.
It was hard for him to bear the sight and the memories that rose up inside him at that moment. He didn't want to think about that time and about Bellatrix. It stung his heart to think of the Bellatrix she had once been. Used to be.
"Go, I'm busy," he tried to send her away.
Now was just not the time to talk.
"Please, tell me something. Anything at all. Please. How did you imagine my life to be?" repeated Katie her demand.
Severus, however, turned his back on her.
He could not and would not talk to her about it. The past should finally remain in the past. Back then, Bellatrix and he had made a choice and decided that their daughter should have a different, a better life. She should not grow up as the child of two Death Eaters. Should not live with the stigma of her birth.
And if he had had his way, Katie would never have known the truth. She wouldn't know the truth to this day, and she'd still be believing she was Katie Bell.
"If I don't get any answers from you, then I guess I'll have to ask my mother to meet me in person after all. See if she'll tell me the truth you're still trying to keep from me," Katie declared, and then it was the sound of the door closing that Severus heard next.
After a moment, he turned back to his work. The potions weren't going to brew themselves. And the monotony of his work as he prepared the ingredients distracted him from his thoughts. He just wanted to forget the last few minutes and not think about it again.
However, just a moment later, Severus heard the door open again behind him and someone enter the room, probably Katie again, he assumed.
"I told you to leave," he said as he heard the footsteps getting closer.
"You didn't tell me."
Surprised, Severus paused in his work. The voice that had just spoken to him did not belong to Katie, but rather to Remus.
"Albus or Katie?" wanted Remus to know.
"What?"
" Whoever you want to leave you alone," Remus clarified his words.
"Katie."
"And what did she do? Why should she leave you alone?", Remus hoped that Severus was talking to him, realizing that Remus wanted to be a friend to him.
"She got a letter today, from her," Severus told him suddenly.
"Bellatrix?"
"Yes. Uh, Katie has so many questions, and we can't answer them all for her. Well, not without putting her in even more danger. That or she might even hate us. You know, for what we've done," Severus confessed.
Normally, he didn't share what was on his mind with anyone, instead he dealt with it all on his own. But Remus had become a friend to him.
He cared about the other man.
"She doesn't hate you. She'll never hate you. You're her father."
"Tobias Snape was my father, and I fucking hate him, with every fiber of my being," Severus countered.
Mulling it over, Remus regarded the other man.
There was so much about Severus Snape that he didn't know, at least not yet.