Title: "The Stillness Disintegration" - Chapter Three

Author's Note: You get to meet Mabel in this chapter. I hope you love her as much as I do! :)

Late November 2016 - Two weeks after the last chapter

Amy and Murphy were curled up together on her couch while she read a book and absentmindedly scratched the cat's back between turning pages. Her legs were tucked up beside her and Murphy was half laying in the hollow there and half laying on her calves. It was Amy's favorite way to spend an evening; lost in a book— so she didn't have to think about her own problems— and snuggling with her favorite fur ball.

Suddenly, her phone rang from the stand next to her, and she sighed in annoyance at the interruption. "What now?" She muttered to Murphy. He quirked an ear in response, but kept right on sleeping. "Oh, to be a cat," she whispered with a smile. The phone chimed again and she glanced over to see Penny's face covering the screen. She reached for the phone, picking it up and sliding the answer button.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Hey Ames. Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, not much." Amy rubbed Murphy's belly. "Just reading a book with Murph."

"Aww… Give the little guy a chin scratch for me, would you? Hey— I've got a question for ya."

"Ask away," Amy replied.

"What are you doing next Saturday?"

Amy mentally flipped through her calendar. A whole lotta nothing, she thought. "Nothing that I know of," she answered.

"Excellent! So, my work is putting on a banquet for the sales team. Handing out awards, that kind of thing."

"Are you getting an award?" Amy asked, perking up a bit. She knew Penny had been working hard as a sales rep. She deserved an award.

"Welllll, we aren't supposed to know in advance, but a, cough, little Bernie… cough, cough, told me that it's highly likely."

Amy grinned at Penny's play on words. "Aw, Penny, that's awesome! You totally deserve it."

"Will you please come help me celebrate? They are going to have a catered dinner. There's going to be live music, free alcohol, and because of that, probably dancing; it's going to be fun!"

Amy instantly wanted to say yes. She could use an evening of fun. But there was one thing holding her back. "Doesn't Leonard want to go with you?"

"He's coming. Each rep gets three extra tickets for guests."

"So... who's your third guest?" Amy asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Penny paused, then said, "Raj."

Amy's brows quirked and she pushed her lips out in surprise. "Raj? That's kind of weird, isn't it?"

"Well... no. He's my friend, too." Penny's voice sounded weird to Amy.

"You're not trying to set me up with Raj, are you?" Amy exclaimed with a frown.

Penny chortled. "God, no. Ha, can you imagine?" She laughed. "No. I wouldn't do that to you."

Amy's eyes narrowed. Something was amiss. "Is Bernadette going to be there?"

"Yes. She's bringing Howie."

Aha, Amy thought. "Does she also have two extra tickets?"

"Um." Penny hesitated. "You know, I'm not sure... I'll have to ask her."

Amy scowled. "Penelope Sue Hofstadter, you're lying to me," she accused.

Penny groaned. "Ugh, fine! Between the two of us, we invited Leonard, Howard, you, Raj, Sheldon, and... Vanessa." Her voice trailed off at the end, so the last word came out on a near whisper.

"Penny... You know I can't do that," Amy replied sadly.

"C'mon, Ames! You can do it! Listen, just think of it as an opportunity to see for yourself how weird their relationship is. And... and you can flirt with other guys! Wear something sexy and dance with someone else. I'll help you figure out who's single— hey, I'll be your wing man! Or woman... whatever. Come on, please? It'll be fun! I promise!"

Amy sighed heavily. "I... want to... to be there for you. To celebrate with you. But I... I don't think I can. I'm sorry."

"Please?" Penny's voice was quiet. "We really miss having you around, Ames."

Amy's breath hitched. "I... really miss you guys, too."

"Then come, have a good time, make Sheldon see what he's missing."

She sighed heavily. "I'll think about it," she answered softly.

"Yes!" Amy could almost imagine Penny fist pumping the air. "Promise you'll really think about it?"

"I promise." It wasn't entirely a lie— Amy knew she'd be thinking about it off and on until next Saturday came and went. But she was positive she wouldn't be there if Sheldon and Vanessa were going. It had been difficult enough just seeing them together at the bookstore. There was no way she could watch them eat a meal together, smile at each other, dance together.

No. She couldn't do it.

"I'll text you all the details," Penny said. "If you decide to go, maybe we can go shopping! Get you a sexy new dress to wear, some cute shoes, oooh, a new clutch!"

"That sounds like fun," Amy said wistfully.

"You bet your ass it would be! Now, start thinking, and let me know when you decide you're coming."

Amy chuckled slightly. Her bestie was relentless, that was for certain.

"Okay, well, I have to go. Leonard's waiting for me. He's making hand motions like he's gonna starve to death. I better go before he wastes away."

Amy laughed. "Okay. Have a good night."

"You too, Ames. Bye."

"Bye," Amy replied and hung up the phone. Then she turned to look at Murphy who was blinking at her owlishly. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm a wuss." Amy sighed. "I should have just told her I'm not going." She paused and rubbed her hand over Murphy's soft fur. "I don't want to disappoint her, but... it hurts enough as it is. The last thing I need is to see them dancing together."

She thought back to the rooftop prom she had attended with Sheldon. They had just told each other they loved each other for the first time and she swore she could feel a change in the air. Sheldon had actually paid attention to her, doted on her, really. She had spent the night wrapped up in his arms, dancing to music from the nineties, finally getting to know what it was like to have a date to prom. It had been the best night of her life, hands down.

Just thinking about it brought instant tears to her eyes. A sob caught in her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut tightly, trying to hold it down, push the images of that wonderful night far out of her mind. It wouldn't do to torture herself with thoughts of the past.

Amy sighed and closed the book in her lap. She wouldn't be able to focus on reading any more tonight. She scrubbed her hands down her face and groaned. Then she reached for the television remote and flipped it on. She pulled up some episodes of Little House on the Prairie that she had previously recorded and put on a random one. She had seen the episodes so many times that she didn't really have to pay attention, but was able to draw comfort from the familiar sights and sounds.

She slid down further into the couch, one hand resting on Murphy's back. She stroked him gently as her mind wandered and suddenly, she knew what she needed to do. She reached for her phone and typed up a quick e-mail, before sending it off to Mabel. She knew the elderly woman was probably already asleep, but maybe she would see the note early in the morning and get back to Amy then.

Amy smiled, feeling a little better, as she gently wrapped her arms around the cat and pulled him up so she could stretch out her legs. He re-situated himself on her lap, spinning around once, then twice, before settling down against her. Amy scratched his head between his ears.

"You're such a good boy."

The Next Day

Amy pulled into a parking spot outside of Magnolia Manor, a residential care facility that was just a thirty minute drive from her apartment. She parked the car and was getting ready to turn the ignition when her phone chimed from inside her purse. Amy rolled her eyes and looked at Murphy. He was staring at her from inside his cat carrier on the passenger seat.

"Should I get that?" She asked. "Or just leave it and let's go see Mabel?"

Murphy meowed.

Amy chuckled. "Let me just see who it is real quick. We can answer them later," she said and picked up her purse. She dug through it until her fingers wrapped around her phone.

"It's just Penny. She can wait—" But Amy's words trailed off when she saw her ex's name on the screen. The alert on her phone only showed a partial text, so she swiped on it to read the full message.

Hey Ames, guess what? I talked 2 Sheldon this morning and Vanessa isn't coming 2 the banquet! She's going 2 be out of town at a conference. Will u please please please come now? It will be like old times!

Amy sighed and rolled her eyes. Great. A whole new scenario to think about. She groaned and stuffed her phone back in her purse. Then she shut off the car and climbed out, shoving her thoughts away. It was time to take Murphy to see Mabel. She would worry about all of this later.

She walked to the passenger side of her car and opened the door before grabbing the cat carrier and gently easing it out. She shut the door and locked the car with her key fob, then started walking towards the entrance with Murphy in tow.

She stopped at the front desk to sign in, then made her way to Mabel's small apartment, Murphy meowing in his carrier the whole time. Amy chuckled, listening to him.

"You know exactly where we are, don't you, buddy?"

He meowed again in response.

Amy knocked on Mabel's door, waiting patiently. It usually took the elderly woman awhile to answer since she walked with a walker. Amy took the time to ruminate on how silly it seemed that the residents there couldn't have pets. They were allowed pet visitors and frequently saw therapy dogs. Research showed it was beneficial for people in Mabel's situation to be around animals.

Although, to be fair, Amy was glad she had Murphy to come home to every night. She didn't know what she would have done without him all this time. And she would worry that a cat would get caught up in Mabel's legs while she walked, causing her to fall again, so she guessed it was for the best.

The door in front of her swung open and Amy smiled widely at the tiny white-haired woman that opened it. "Hello."

"Hi there, Amy. Come on in," Mabel replied with a warm smile. She held out her hand for Amy to take.

Amy enveloped Mabel's hand with her own, then slid her arm up carefully to give the woman a one-armed hug. "It's so good to see you," Amy said, and inhaled the sweet fragrance of lavender and vanilla that always seemed to follow Mabel. It was comforting— it reminded Amy of her late grandmother. She held on a little longer than usual before releasing her elderly friend.

Mabel pulled back to look at her, but kept her hand on Amy's arm. She reached up with her other hand and gently touched Amy's cheek, squinting as she studied the younger woman's face.

"Something happened. You look sad."

Amy smiled weakly. "Nothing gets passed you," she murmured.

Mabel dropped her hands away from Amy and grabbed ahold of the handles of her walker. She slowly started backing up, moving deeper into the apartment. "Come on, let's go sit down and release the little monster you've brought to see me. And we can chat."

Amy followed slowly, carrying Murphy who was practically yelling to be let out.

Mabel chuckled. "He always was an impatient little rascal."

"Tell me about it. If dinner isn't in his dish by—"

"Let me guess, 7pm?"

Amy laughed. "Yep! He definitely lets you know about it, doesn't he?"

Mabel turned to grin back at Amy when they reached her reclining chair. "Always." Mabel shuffled into position. "All right, Murph, just give me a minute here to get situated." She slowly lowered herself into the recliner, the soft brown chair nearly swallowing her up, she was so small. She pulled a throw blanket off the back of the recliner and spread it across her lap.

"Ready?" Amy asked, having placed the cat carrier on the floor. Murphy was pawing at the door, demanding to be let out. The two women laughed.

"Yes. Release the scoundrel!"

Amy opened the door of the carrier and Murphy immediately bolted out and jumped up into Mabel's lap. She laughed as he rubbed against her firmly. She ran her hands through his fur, giving him a thorough petting. "Yes, I missed you, too," she murmured softly to him.

He was purring so loudly Amy thought he might hurt himself. She moved back a few steps, taking a seat on the small sofa just behind her and across from Mabel. She watched the two together, partially feeling warm and happy and partially feeling guilty, like she always did. She wished she didn't have to separate the two of them, but it was so nice to see how happy these visits made them. She was really glad that she had been the one to rescue Murphy. She wasn't so sure many people would have stayed in contact with Mabel. And most people certainly wouldn't have become friends with her the way Amy had. She liked to think these visits were good for the older woman, especially since she didn't have much family left.

"How are you?" Amy finally asked, interrupting the love fest going on across from her.

Mabel held up a finger and wagged it in Amy's direction. "Now, now, young lady, you're trying to change the subject. We'll worry about me later. First, tell me what's put that look of sadness in your eyes."

Amy sighed and looked away, glancing out the window unseeingly. When she turned back to Mabel, she asked, "Would you like to take a guess first?"

Mabel chuckled. "Well, honey, it's always about a man, isn't it? Only they have the power to put that look in a woman's eyes. Tell me what happened."

"As you know, I haven't seen Sheldon in a year now."

Mabel nodded.

"Well, I ran into him about four weeks ago, at a bookstore." Amy sighed, clasping her hands together in her lap. She fiddled with her fingers, looking down at them, before back up at her friend. "It was actually one year to the day since I had last seen him," she murmured.

"Hmm. That must have been difficult."

"Yes," Amy whispered. She brushed her hand over her forehead. "At first, it was just him. We made small talk, he asked me how I was, that kind of thing. But then… his girlfriend walked up to us."

"Ah," Mabel said with understanding in her eyes.

"I've never met her before— didn't know what she looked like." Amy frowned. "She's beautiful. Tall, blonde… And she was nice to me." Amy rolled her eyes. "She even thanked me for breaking up with Sheldon, because she didn't know men like him existed out there."

"Oh, bullpucky!"

Amy balked, then grinned at the woman across from her. "Bullpucky?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes. Baloney. Bunk. Crap. Bullshit," Mabel exclaimed with a roll of her eyes. Amy's smile widened. "That was not a nice thing to say— I don't care how nice she sounded when she said it. You don't thank a woman for giving up a man just so you can have him. She was rubbing it in your face."

"Oh," Amy said in surprise. "Really?"

Mabel chuckled. "Yes, ma'am. I bet your Sheldon didn't pick up on that either."

Amy shrugged. "I have no idea. He probably wouldn't care, anyway."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Mabel replied under her breath. "So that's what's got you so sad? Running into him and his new lady friend?"

Amy sighed. "Partially. A lot has happened in the last month, actually. Three weeks after I ran into him at the bookstore, he came into the coffee shop where I was working on a paper. It was… the, um, coffee shop where we met."

Mabel's brows rose, her hands never leaving Murphy's body. He had curled up in her lap happily and was staring at her in what Amy could only assume was blatant adoration.

"Why were you there?"

Amy groaned. "To be honest with you, I have no idea. After running into him at the bookstore, I just… couldn't get him out of my head, I guess. I didn't mean to go there, it just sort of happened. I was driving home from work and just… stopped there."

"To feel close to him," Mabel said with certainty.

Amy's chin trembled and she ducked her head down, blinking rapidly to stop the tears before they started. "I… I guess. Maybe," she whispered. "It was stupid. I couldn't focus on my work."

"Was his girlfriend with him at the coffee shop?"

Amy shook her head. "No. It was just him. He asked if the empty seat at my table was taken. I told him no, but that I was leaving and would be out of his hair in a minute. He… he reached out and touched my arm and asked me to stay."

"Interesting," Mabel replied.

"I asked him why and he said we hadn't had the chance to catch up very much at the bookstore. We talked for awhile." Amy shrugged. "We got into a bit of an argument. We were talking about how I don't come around our friend group anymore and I accused him of replacing me. He said I couldn't blame him for that because I was the one who ended things." Amy frowned. "He's right, you know? It's not fair of me to blame him for moving on when I'm the one who broke things off between us."

"But you do blame him?"

Amy nodded sadly. "I… I do, yes. I know it's wrong of me, but I just don't understand how he was able to move on so quickly. I thought what we had was special, but it turns out I was just his training wheels, the practice round, of sorts. I guess I thought… I meant more to him than that." Her voice wavered as she tried to hold back the tears.

"Oh, honey, I'm sure you mean a lot to him. Sheldon doesn't strike me as a man who does anything he doesn't want to do. You were together for years. There's a reason for that."

"I guess," Amy muttered. She sighed. "He told me he considers me a friend and he asked me to come to dinner with our friend group sometime."

"How do you feel about that?" Mabel asked.

"I... don't think I can be around… the two of them, together. Especially in a social setting where I'm used to being… with him. It would be too painful."

"I can't say I blame you," Mabel replied. "If my Billy had ever been with another woman, I probably would have gone on a murderous rampage." Mabel chuckled. "But then, I've always been a bit of an ornery son of a gun."

Amy smiled. "I could use some of that bravery. There's, uh, one other thing…"

"Do tell," Mabel replied.

"You know my best friend, Penny?"

Mabel nodded.

"She's a pharmaceutical sales rep and her company is putting on a banquet next Saturday. She's receiving an award. She invited me to come."

"What's the catch?"

Amy chuckled. The woman truly was as sharp as a tack. "Well, Penny has three tickets. Our other friend, Bernadette, works for the same company and she also has three tickets. They each invited their spouses and two friends."

"Let me guess, Sheldon and Blondie were invited too?"

Amy chortled. "Yep."

"Ugh," Mabel groaned. "What are you going to do?"

"Well, I wasn't planning on going. But right before I came in here, Penny sent me a text message, and told me that Blondie isn't going to be there."

"But Sheldon will be?"

"As far as I know," Amy replied.

"Interesting," Mabel said and gazed up at the ceiling, lost in thought. "That sounds like an opportunity."

"Does it?" Amy asked. "That's what Penny said."

Mabel chuckled. "I think I'd like this Penny friend of yours."

"Oh, you would. She's ornery like you," Amy said.

Mabel's eyes sparkled. "What was Penny's idea of an opportunity?"

"Well, she told me this before we found out that Blondie isn't going— she said that I should use the opportunity to flirt with other men. Try and find someone to dance with, make Sheldon jealous."

"A girl after my own heart," Mabel said. "I was thinking you could use the opportunity to flirt with Sheldon, now that Blondie won't be there. Try and win him back."

Amy frowned. "I don't know, Mabel. That's not really… my style, I guess."

"Make it your style, young lady!"

Amy blushed. "I don't… know how."

"Sure you do. You were with the man for five years. You know how to make him happy. Just make sure you lay it on thick."

"I don't know," Amy said with uncertainty. Even after five years, she wasn't sure she knew how to flirt with Sheldon. He wasn't like normal men. Regular flirting didn't really work with him.

Mabel leaned forward, jostling the cat. He climbed off her lap and walked over to rub against Amy's legs, as if he could sense that she needed some comfort. She reached down to run her hand along his back. He purred, then flopped down on her shoes.

"There's something I want to say," Mabel said seriously.

Amy looked up at her and blinked in surprise at her tone. "Okay."

Mabel held Amy's gaze unwaveringly. "You don't want to end up like me."

"Mabel—"

"Listen," Mabel insisted and her tone brokered no argument. "I had my Billy with me for over thirty years. But he's been gone a long time now. We couldn't have children, Lord knows we tried like Hell. After he died, I went through a God awful depression. I'm still not over it, to tell you the truth. I isolated myself from everyone around me. I lost my friends. I didn't have much family to begin with, but I drifted away from them, too. And they're all mostly gone now. It's a lonely life I lead." She smiled wistfully. "Honestly, if it weren't for you and Murphy, I'd probably be dead by now."

Amy's eyes filled with tears. "Don't say that," she said with a hoarse voice.

Mabel gave her a reassuring smile. "Now, I don't mean I'm going to go off myself or anything of the sort, but I think I would have given up a long time ago if it weren't for the two of you."

"Mabel."

Amy stood up and made her way over to the old woman. She knelt down in front of her, placing her hands on Mabel's knees. "You're an amazing woman and I am so glad you're still here and kicking."

Mabel smiled and patted Amy's hand softly. "You're not so bad yourself, young lady. You deserve happiness. There's not too many people out there nowadays who would rescue that handsome fella right over there," she said and motioned towards Murphy. "And stay in contact with the sad, old lady he used to live with. You have changed my life. For the better."

A tear slid down Amy's cheek and she dipped her head, slightly embarrassed. Mabel reached down and lifted Amy's chin with a soft, wrinkly hand.

"You're a good woman, Amy. Sheldon would be lucky to have you back."

Amy choked on a sob and laid her head down on the old woman's lap. Mabel stroked her hand over Amy's hair. "I don't know if I can handle him rejecting me," Amy murmured. "It hurts, all the time, knowing what I lost… knowing what I'm missing out on, because I was so stupid. But there's still a tiny part of me that has… hope. If I… If I put myself out there again, and he turns me down, I'm not so sure I will survive it."

Mabel sighed and ran her fingers over the silken strands on Amy's head. "Honey, there's no guarantee on what might happen. I can't promise you that he will take you back. But the longer you wait, the bigger the chance is that he'll get more serious with Blondie." Mabel patted Amy's cheek gently. "And what I can tell you is… It is possible to survive the worst thing you can imagine happening to you. I did. I sure as shit didn't want to, but I did. You can, too. And you'll never know, if you don't take a chance. That tiny piece of hope you have? It's because of you. If you don't take the chance, you might as well stomp out that hope right here and now."

She reached for Amy's chin again, lifting her head to look in her eyes. "Do you want to do that?"

Amy shook her head quickly. No. Hope was all she had. She definitely didn't want to lose it now.

"Then you'll go to that banquet?" Mabel asked with a raised eyebrow.

Amy bit her lip nervously. "Um…"

"So, you're going to that banquet then?" Mabel asked again, more sternly this time.

Amy swallowed, then nodded. "Yes, ma'am," she whispered.

"Say that again?" Mabel asked and cupped her free hand around her ear. "I think my hearing aid lost power there for a second," she teased.

Amy's lips curved in amusement. "Yes. I'll go," she said, more clearly than before.

"Thatta girl!" Mabel exclaimed with a wide grin. "You better get yourself a pretty dress— one that will knock his socks off— and practice your flirting in the mirror at home. Remember," she said and patted Amy's cheek again, "You know him. You know what he likes. You can do this."

Amy wasn't so sure about that. She truly didn't know how to flirt. Every time she tried, she felt ridiculous. She was pretty sure she looked and sounded ridiculous, too. And she still wasn't certain that she wanted to be a home-wrecker. She wanted Sheldon to come back to her of his own free will. Because he missed her, because he wanted her, because he… still loved her. She didn't want to trick or coerce him into it. She wanted their future, if they had one, to be built on a solid foundation.

But she desperately missed her friends and hanging out with the group. She missed joking with them and laughing with them. She missed their conversations and their teasing. She needed to go back— even if it was just for one night.

And yes, maybe… just maybe, she would open her heart a little to the possibility of that hope she carried around with her, tucked deeply away inside the dark depths of her soul.

Over an hour later, Amy trudged through the parking lot, hauling Murphy in his cat carrier. "Buddy, I think we're going to have to lay off the treats. You're getting heavy."

Meow.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You love treats. Don't we all?" She muttered as she fumbled in her purse for her car keys. Her fingers bumped against her phone and she decided she might as well text Penny back once they got settled into the car. Her talk with Mabel had led her to one decision. The other she was still fighting with and probably would continue to fight with, until next Saturday was over. She would worry about that later. For now, she could at least tell Penny about her first decision.

When she and Murphy were safely tucked back into her car, all buckled in, Amy reached into her purse and pulled out her phone. She swiped to unlock it, then pulled up her text messages. She re-read Penny's message again, then started typing her reply.

I'll be there.

Immediately, she could see that Penny was typing a response. She chuckled, imagining Penny squealing with excitement. Her message did not disappoint.

OMG, yay! Took u long enough 2 decide, jeez! I sent that text almost 2 hours ago!

Before Amy could reply, another message came through.

Cancel all ur plans 4 tomm, we're going shopping! I'll call Bernie! I'm sure she'll want 2 come. Yayyyy! I'm so excited! I can't wait!

Amy smiled at the trail of party emojis following Penny's words and couldn't help the elation she felt bubbling in her chest. She truly was so excited to hang out with the group again, that she almost forgot about her Sheldon problem.

Almost.

End Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I struggled a little with this one. The next chapter is going to be the "meat" of the story and I am chomping at the bit to write it. So I had to sit down and force myself to get through this one, so I could move on to the next one. Of course, I love this chapter more than I anticipated I would, which is how it usually goes when I am not excited to write something. Usually… LOL! Let me know your thoughts, if you don't mind. :) Thank you!

Oh, and I definitely made up Penny's middle name. I made it Sue because it sounded "redneck" enough and also, her mom's name was Susan, so it works, I guess you could say. :P