Redemption-Book 1: Re-Emergence

by evitascarlett

No one told Johanna that picking up the pieces and moving on would be easy…but they never said it would be this hard either. A sequel to Apologize; dealing with the fallout and aftermath of Bracken's arrest as the family tries to heal and move on. Warning: This is a Johanna centric story. Cover art by LordofKavaka

34. Chapter 34

A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 34 – Strong Enough

"I quit crying long enough, now I'm strong enough" - Cher

Later that evening, Jim's phone rang while he was reading his sports magazine. He picked it up from the stand, still half distracted by the article he was reading as he accepted the call without glancing at the screen. "Hello?"

"Jim, I hope I'm not bothering you," a woman said.

The voice was unfamiliar for a moment and then it struck him who it was. "Melanie?" he stated, the word carrying across the room and jerking Johanna's attention away from the movie she was watching as she sat in the recliner.

"Yes, are you busy?" Melanie asked.

"No, I'm not busy," he replied, forcing himself not to glance over at his wife. He could already feel tension building in the room as it was. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not really…but I was wondering if Jeff might be there."

"No, he's not here. I haven't seen or heard from him since I left the office."

"Did he say if he was going anywhere?"

"No, he didn't mention anything to me. Why?"

"He hasn't come home yet. It's after nine, he's always home long before I am."

"Did you call him?" he asked.

"Of course I called him," Melanie replied. "He didn't answer. I called again a half hour later and it went to voicemail so I'm assuming he turned the phone off."

"I'm sure he's fine; he probably just took a long drive or went somewhere to blow off some steam. It was a long day at the office. Did you check with the kids, he might've gone to see one of them."

"God no; I'm not calling them. That Christina is a horrid girl, I don't even know how she belongs to Jeff…and she looks so much like Maggie we'll never know if she really does or not…"

"She does," he said. "She has Jeff's eyes and his smirk."

"Maybe so," Melanie said as if the comment meant nothing at all. "But she is a horrid girl…and don't even get me started about those boys. That Jeffery is too much like his mother and far too devoted to her…and that Jacob…he's an odd one; he never speaks to me unless he absolutely has to. It's not my fault their mother is a cheater."

"I don't think any of them blame you for that, after all, you weren't involved in it. I just think you haven't really made an effort to get to know them…and you and Jeff did get married rather quickly."

"When you want something you have to grab it," Melanie replied. "As for knowing his kids, I honestly don't want to know them. They're of no interest to me. That's one thing I hate about marrying a man that has kids…they never want to mind their own business. Your Katie is like that too. I, of course, didn't know about Johanna's…shall we say, return, over the summer when I ran into Katie and asked her if you were seeing someone because we had noticed you were being secretive. She just got all up in arms about the whole thing as if you would've been wrong to move on. She is another person who is far too devoted to her mother…"

"I wouldn't say that," he said with a strained laugh. "But I don't mind that Katie was against the idea of me dating considering the fact that I am married."

"Yes, I know," Melanie said, her tone becoming coy. "I'm probably getting you in trouble with your wife right now, aren't I?"

"No, no trouble at all," he replied, although he could feel Johanna's glare from across the room without even looking.

Melanie laughed. "Oh come now, Jim; you know how she is…she's always hated me."

"I think it's always been a mutual hate…I don't really think you can deny that."

"Oh I wouldn't say that…she's just always been so uptight about things. We were just silly girls back at Roche…but now we're older and I would be fine with being friends seeing as how you and Jeff are such good friends. We should all get together for dinner before you boys go on your trip so that Johanna and I can get reacquainted."

He laughed a little. "I don't know about that."

"Oh come now, surely she'd benefit from a night out with friends. We should get together."

"We'll see," he replied. "I can't make any promises."

"I understand," Melanie said, her tone coy. "I know if it doesn't happen it won't be because of you. She's always had that jealous streak…never did understand our friendship and yet she was perfectly fine with flirting with Antonio before you got together."

"That was a long time ago," Jim remarked.

"That's true," she sighed. "But I do hope I'm not going to cause trouble for you by calling…she does understand that you have friends, right?"

"Of course."

"Even if it is a female friend?"

"I don't believe I have any restrictions on who my friends are," he remarked.

"Good…because I do hope that even though Johanna's home that we're still friends, Jim…we have had some good times, haven't we?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"And we're still friends?"

"Yes," he said, not wanting to be mean and yet not really sure of how to answer the question. He didn't hate the woman, never had…he didn't like things she did or said, but he had never really had an issue with her.

"I'm glad to hear that," Melanie replied. "If you hear from Jeff will you let him know that I was looking for him?"

"If I hear from him I'll let him know. I'm sure he's fine though and he'll be along soon enough."

"Thank you, Jim. I'll let you go now before I get you in trouble. Have a good night."

"You too," he replied before ending the call. He placed the phone back on the stand and then casually flicked a glance at his wife who was regarding him with a raised brow. "What?" he asked.

"What?" Johanna repeated incredulously.

"Yeah, what?" he said with a shrug. "You're looking at me like I've never gotten a phone call before."

She laughed, and it wasn't the good laugh, he noted. "I'm sorry," she said. "I guess I was just caught off guard because my husband has never taken a call from a bimbo in front of me before."

"She was looking for Jeff, he hasn't been home yet," he replied nonchalantly.

"Mhmm," she said with a nod. "Concerned about her husband's whereabouts and yet so chatty. Tell me, why does Melanie have your phone number?"

He bristled at the question. "Why did Jack in Wyoming have yours?" he shot back.

Her eyes narrowed. "Because of work…and anytime you want to, you can ask Katie about my call logs from Wyoming, because she checked them and she can tell you that any call he made to me lasted no more than one to two minutes at most and there were few of them. She checked everything on my phone, call logs, pictures, texts…ask her."

Jim shook his head. "There's no need for me to do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I know nothing went on with him."

"Then why are you dragging it up because I asked why Melanie has your phone number?"

"I don't know," he said sharply. "Maybe I didn't like your tone of voice when you asked."

Johanna nodded, her jaw tight. "Forgive me for asking. I guess I mistakenly thought I could given the fact that I'm questioned when you feel I'm on my computer too much…that you have no qualms about asking who I talk to, text or email."

"Well sometimes when you take a call in another room, I think that maybe there's something you don't want me to hear."

"I went into the office this afternoon to call Carolyn so I wouldn't disturb you while you watched that stupid Sci-Fi movie. I've always left the room to take a call if you're watching something or working on something and you know it!"

"I think you left the room because you were talking to a person from Wyoming and you didn't want me to hear something I wouldn't like."

"Like what!?" she yelled.

Jim shrugged. "You tell me."

Johanna gave a bitter laugh. "Really? You think I'm afraid for you to hear me ask how she is? How her kids are? How work is going this semester? I asked her about her life like friends do, and in return she asked about mine and I told her. If this is your thinly veiled way of insinuating that I'm asking about some man out there, you couldn't be more wrong! You're the one that encourages me to call her instead of just emailing and yet you're acting like I'm wrong to talk to her…and if that's how you feel, then fine, I won't talk to her anymore…I mean she's the only friend I have, but that's my problem…because you have plenty of friends, who cares if I have any."

"I didn't say you had to quit talking to her," Jim replied. "I was just making a point."

"No, I think you were driving at something…so the next time I talk to her, I'll make sure you're in the room…and if you want to read my emails to her, feel free to log onto my laptop and go through everything on there any time you want."

"I don't need to search anything," he said sharply. "My point is, I don't question your phones calls so don't question mine."

She shook her head. "Sounds like you were questioning my call to my friend, but you know what, Jim, I don't care who calls you. In fact, why don't you call Melanie back and have a nice long chat with her? Afterwards, if she decides that she's still concerned about her husband, go help her look for him."

"Keep it up and maybe I will."

"Me?! You're the one who got defensive because I asked why the bimbo has your number."

"You act like I can't have a friend who's a woman," Jim retorted.

"I never said you can't have a friend who's a woman…but as a woman who knows what it's like to be your friend, I'd prefer it not to be one you've slept with in the past!"

"I never said I slept with her."

Johanna held his gaze. "You don't have to say it, I know you did…just like I know she'd love to have a repeat of your special memories together…I mean she's made that very clear on numerous occasions."

"Oh please," he scoffed. "You're just being ridiculous. I'm allowed to have friends whether you like that person or not."

"I didn't say you couldn't…but that's rich coming from someone who accused me of being an adulteress over one phone call from a coworker."

"You're the one acting like you can't trust me to be friends with Melanie."

"It's not you I don't trust; it's her."

"I'm pretty sure it's me, Johanna…I could tell you were pissed off as soon as I said her name."

"Yeah, well I prefer my husband not to get calls from his ex-girlfriend. I'm just funny like that, but despite it all, I do trust you…I mean I'm not tracking your phone or anything…you know, like you track mine," she said, her tone even as her gaze bore into him. "So if we're going to talk about distrust, maybe we should talk about that little app on your phone."

A heavy silence fell between them as the words echoed in his ears; his eyes widening and his breath catching for a moment as he held her gaze.

"You know, if you wanted to keep it a secret," Johanna said. "You shouldn't have told me to look at pictures on your phone…because when I finished I saw an app that was supposed to be a game and I thought I'd see what it was about because I like playing games on my phone…thought it might be something new I could download and play too…imagine my surprise when I realized it was a tracker…and that I was the person you were tracking."

Jim's eyes closed for a moment as he took a breath. "Why didn't you say anything when you found it?" he asked quietly.

"Because I figured if you needed it then you should have it…and you know the really sick part about it?" she asked, tears leaking into her voice. "I'm glad you have it."

He swallowed hard. "I'll get rid of it, Jo…I didn't get it because I don't trust you…I got it because I let you down the last time. I couldn't protect you…I thought if I had it I'd stand a better chance at keeping you safe…and I knew it was wrong…but it seemed like a way to keep an eye on things when I wasn't with you. I'll get rid of it. I'll delete it right now."

"No. I don't want you to get rid of it," Johanna replied. "That's what I mean about it being one of those sick things…because I'm glad you have it. Knowing you have it is what helps me be able to go get in my car and go out on my own…because I know you know where I'm at. I know you're watching…and it makes me feel safer. I don't want you to get rid of it…but you could've told me, Jim. You could've said, I want to do this to help keep you safe and I would've understood that and said to do it…you didn't have to be secretive about it. You could've told me…so don't you ever act like I'm trying to keep something from you when you're the one sitting there doing things behind my back…and yes, I get that you have a good reason for the tracker, but you still did it behind my back and you know it when you sit there and act like I was doing something wrong by having my phone conversation in another room."

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to make it something it wasn't. I just…I knew you'd be mad about Melanie calling me."

"I didn't say I was mad; I asked why she had your number; you chose to get defensive. Do I like that she has your number, no…and I'm never going to…but it's your business. I won't ask about any number on your phone again."

"Jo," he sighed.

"It's fine, Jim."

"It's not…and I don't want us to fight."

"We already did…you fired the first shot."

"I know," he admitted. "I shouldn't have gone down that road just because I didn't like the question you asked. I should've just answered it. She's had my number…"

"No," Johanna said with a shake of her head. "I don't want the answer to the question now. It's not my business. She's your friend, not mine."

"She called looking for Jeff."

"I gathered that and I still don't want to know anything about it."

"She mentioned that she was probably getting me in trouble by calling…"

"No, you did that all on your own by getting all up in arms about a simple question but Melanie's always had that effect on you so I should've expected it…and I still don't care to know."

"She says she wants us to have dinner before Jeff and I go on the hunting trip."

"Go ahead, have a nice time," Johanna replied.

"She wants you to come too…said she wants to be friends."

Johanna scoffed. "Like hell she does. I'm not going. You go ahead though, have fun with your friends…I won't wait up."

"Come on, Jo…she'll drive Jeff crazy about it."

"Sounds like Jeff's problem," she replied.

"I think we could go for Jeff's sake."

"I'm done with discussing your special friend tonight, Jim. If you want to continue discussing it, call Melanie back and talk about it with her."

"I don't call her," he said firmly. "She only called me looking for Jeff. It's not like she calls me all the time. I don't even remember if she's ever called me before tonight."

"Not my business," Johanna stated.

He sighed deeply; how had he screwed this night up so quickly? "How long are you going to be mad because I don't want to go on the trip with you still being mad at me."

"I'm not mad. I was a little worried about being lonely while you're away but I'm thinking I'm going to be just fine now."

"So you're not going to miss me as much now?" Jim asked.

She smiled. "Yes, thank you for taking care of that for me."

He gave her a tense smile of his own. "I could just change my phone number if it would make you feel better."

"No, no need for that. I'm fine…you're the one that had a problem but we're over it now."

"Are we?" he asked.

"Yeah, because I'm refusing to discuss it any further. Is there anything we need to get for you for your trip? If there is, I can go out tomorrow and get it."

"I think I have everything I need…maybe you could not rush me out the door though. I'm not leaving yet."

"I want you to be prepared and ready."

"You really want me to go," Jim stated.

"I do…it's going to be good for us. You're going to go blow off steam with your friends and have a good time…and I'm going to be here…doing whatever makes me happy."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning I might turn that stereo up full blast and just not care about anything. I might just sit and read. Watch what I want on TV…might go spend three hours in Macys…I might throw a mug against the wall and scream a little just for the hell of it. I'm going to have 'me' time and I'm not going to feel guilty for it…and I don't want you to feel guilty for having a good time on your trip. We're going to be fine."

He wasn't sure that he liked the sound of her 'me' time but he had dug enough holes for himself that night and decided to keep his mouth shut as he picked up his phone.

"Don't delete that tracker, Jim," she stated. "I mean it when I say that it makes me feel better knowing you have it. Please don't delete it."

"I was going to text Jeff…but I'll keep the tracker if you really do feel better knowing it's there."

"I do…that's why I wasn't going to tell you that I knew…but you just had to go and piss me off," she said bitterly.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"It's fine…it's probably better that it's come out…now I don't have to worry about slipping up about knowing. Send your text, I want to see the end of this movie."

He nodded, keeping his mouth shut for both of their sakes as he composed a message to Jeff. "Your wife called me looking for you…I hope whatever it is you're doing is good because phone calls from your wife aren't well received by mine. I may have to sleep with one eye open tonight…so I really hope you're enjoying yourself," he wrote before hitting send and laying his phone aside; wishing that he had left on the kitchen counter where it had laid most of the day.

---

As the news broadcast switched stories, Castle clicked off the TV and allowed the remote to drop onto the arm of the couch. "Your mother just told the world that I throw a bad party," he stated as he glanced to Kate who sat next to him with her hand over her face.

"Yeah, she did," she said with a nod.

"For someone who doesn't like to talk to anyone in the media, she sure did find her voice and get chatty," he said with a bitter laugh.

"Mhmm."

"Did you enjoy her special message to you?" he asked. "I mean she's so amiable today that she's sharing your childhood stories with a complete stranger."

"I was a teenager in that story and yes, now that she's mentioned it, I do remember the occasion. Two, he's not really a stranger, he's the one she talked to the last time…she doesn't seem afraid of him…"

"So you're okay with her suddenly deciding to have story hour with this random reporter in parking lots?"

"Of course not," she snapped. "I'm just saying, she spoke to him before so he's not exactly unknown to her. As for the story, I'm just going to be thankful that she didn't share an embarrassing story about me."

"She's probably saving that for next time."

"I doubt it. She's smart enough to know that if she does that I'll never speak to her again."

"I hope she knows that she just ripped apart any hope of proving you aren't estranged like you said in your statement. She just told the world that you're mad at her."

"I am mad at her! I'm even madder at the moment because she gave this little interview and then didn't even bother to tell me about it…for the second time around. There's no point in trying to hide it anymore…and I figure maybe that's part of why she did this. She told them the truth and and she figures if she puts it out there, I'll have no reason to set her up for more staged outings. She said it was a typical mother-daughter argument…"

"No one is going to buy that," Castle interrupted. "She just destroyed part of your statement by admitting the discord. She did it without even blinking."

"So did your party guests that sold pictures and quotes to every outlet they could," Kate shot back. "They sold us out days before she gave any comments…that's probably why she didn't bother to lie. What would be the point in it? Everyone already knows."

"I already apologized about the other guests."

"Yes, you did…but the point is, they sold us out first."

"They wouldn't have had anything to sell if your mother had just done what we asked of her. I'm trying to help the two of you threw this and she doesn't want to cooperate or listen for a single second because she has it in her head that she's always right…and quite frankly I haven't seen her be right about a damn thing the last few months. She isn't interested in helping herself and she's not even interested in helping you by the looks of it. If she wanted to make comments to the media, she could've talked more to the reporter from Cosmo at the party where it was a controlled situation."

"She's not a woman who likes to be controlled, Castle…it's one thing we do have in common. We don't like having other people control us."

"That's not the kind of control I meant," he retorted. "She could've done better at the party and then there wouldn't be all of this attention."

"And if you had just had cake, a cold Coke and a D.J. that played Cher every so often, we wouldn't have heard a peep out of her the whole night," Kate shot back. "Or better yet, you could've listened to me when I said I didn't think it was a good idea to take her."

"You were just nervous."

"Yeah…I usually get nervous when I'm doing something I know I shouldn't be doing in the first place. We wouldn't have all of this attention if I had just left her home like she wanted."

"She did this…not us," he remarked. "And what the hell is her hang up with Cher?"

Kate shrugged. "She's her favorite singer."

"I thought the Eagles were her favorite."

"That's her favorite band. Cher is her favorite singer. Not knowing Cher is an unpardonable sin in her world, there's nothing I can do about that," she replied.

He scoffed a little. "I can't believe she told them my party was bad…and then throwing in about not being able to look at the book. Paula is going to be ballistic about that and I'll have to listen to it for days."

"I'm sorry," Kate told him.

"You're not the one who needs to be sorry," Castle stated. "And then to top it all off, she tells everyone she won't pay list price for the book when it's cheaper online…which means my bookstore sales will probably take a nosedive in favor of cheaper online prices that she's brought to everyone's attention."

Kate sighed. "She probably didn't think of that."

"That's the problem with your mother, Kate…for someone who is supposedly so intelligent, she spends so much time not thinking."

She cast a side eyed glare at him. "Don't call my mother stupid, Castle."

"That's hard to do when she keeps doing stupid things, Kate. For God's sake, she could at least get her act together for you…and yet she's not. She just keeps fanning the flames and you're mad at her and yet want to defend her at the same damn time. You talk about your father enabling her, well you're just as bad because you always have to defend her! She just made me look like some stuck up fool and made you look like a petty daughter while she plays the role of sacrificing, suffering mother!"

"You know what," Kate said as she pushed herself off the sofa. "I'm done listening to this. I'm going home, and don't worry, tomorrow I will go deal with my long suffering mother and her sudden chumminess with the media. As for us, maybe we should just take a few days space from each other until this all dies down…because as tired as you are of this whole thing, I'm even more tired of it. You're used to living your life in the eye of the media…I'm not…and you know what, as much as I hate to admit it because I'm so pissed off at her I can't stand it, she's right…I was acting like something I'm not that night and I don't like it. I just…don't like anything about any of this. You said you were done helping her and that's fine because she doesn't want it anyway just like you said…and I can't control her. As for me, I'm going back to the way I was handling things, no comment, and laying low when I can."

"Kate," Castle sighed, some of his anger deflating. "That doesn't solve anything."

"Nothing ever does, Castle, so what does it matter?" she asked sharply as she shoved her feet into her heels.

"You don't need to leave."

"I think I do. I need some time to myself."

He scoffed. "The famous 'I need space' approach. You know the one thing in her little chat she got right, you are just like her. If it's not going your way, you're up and out the door…just like Johanna the other night, things weren't going her way so she left even though she knew she was supposed to wait on you. Like mother, like daughter."

Kate grabbed her handbag from the closet as she glared at him. "You know what else she got right? Your party did need better music."

"Oh I'm so wounded," he said, putting a hand against his chest. "My apologies to the Beckett women for not indulging their need of pop music…gotta say, Beckett, that love of pop music does tarnish your bad ass image a little."

She smirked at him. "Well, just like my mother, I'm not paying full price for your book either and you can keep your autograph."

"Your book is free and you know it!"

"Maybe this time, I don't want it!" she shot back as she moved to the door.

"Kate…let's just stop this, okay?"

"That's why I'm leaving, Castle…it's the only way to stop it…because if I stay, we're going to be doing this petty bullshit all night and I just don't have the energy for it, I really don't. So I'm going and you can get mad all you want and complain about my need for space at times but I'm going."

"Fine," he said with a nod, knowing it was a lost cause to try and make her stay. "At least text and let me know you got home alright."

"I will," she replied before flinging open the door and making her escape. She was so tired of this, she thought to herself as she stabbed the button for the elevator. So tired of the media, of her mother not being able to make up her mind about whether she was dealing with the media or not. Tired of her getting everything wrong…of her being an issue every time she turned around. Tired of everything when you got down to it, she mused as she stepped onto the elevator. She wished she could just cut off the world for awhile and have some peace once more…but that just wasn't an option.

---

Jim sat on the foot of their bed with his head lowered, wishing that the evening hadn't turned out the way it had. Guilt was gnawing at him…remorse running a close second now that he knew that Johanna had been onto his secret for some time now. He shouldn't have been tracking her phone…even if it had been with the best of intentions. He wanted so badly to delete that app now that it was all out in the open…and yet he couldn't, not when she kept asking him not to…not when she admitted that it made her feel safer when she was on her…not when he still felt like he needed it for his own peace of mind. He just wanted to keep her safe; wanted to feel like he had a better chance at protecting her since he had failed so badly the last time around. He breathed deeply, feeling the weight on his shoulders. He could've told her…she was right about that, he could've just told her and given her own fears, she probably would've been accepting of the idea from the get-go…but he hadn't given her that chance. He had done it behind her back and hurt her…it was no wonder she had doubts about his trust in her.

Of course this whole thing wouldn't have gotten started if he hadn't bristled at her asking about why Melanie had his phone number. He could've just answered the question instead of turning things around on her. He could've just told her the truth…that he had given it to Melanie long ago…but that would bring up the question of why…and he didn't really want to go down that road. He didn't want to admit to her that he used to go and have a few drinks with Melanie long ago…that didn't seem like something he should tell his wife. If he told her that, she'd look at him with suspicion…and he could imagine the look of betrayal in her eyes once she allowed herself those suspicions...and he'd end up admitting that in the depths of his loneliness and grief for her, he had been tempted by Melanie once or twice but he hadn't given in…but he wasn't sure she'd believe that and he wouldn't blame her if she didn't.

He could've just lied and said the Jeff had given her his number for emergencies…but lying hadn't felt right either, especially when his wife always felt like she was being accused of lying. He blew out a breath, there hadn't been any safe answer…and so he had picked the fight…chose to hurt her a little more than to tell his own truths. Of course it felt like either way he'd be hurting her somehow. What a damn mess. This was all Melanie's fault…she never cared where Jeff was any other time so why did she have to care tonight? Why did she have to call and upset the apple cart? It was bad enough that Johanna's chat with the reporter had hit the airwaves for the evening newscasts, which would guarantee that things would be amped up again and just in time for him to leave for his trip at the end of the week. He wished she had just stayed quiet and got in the car…but no…she had felt chatty…and now Katie would be even madder and definitely wouldn't look in on her while he was away.

Jim had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard Johanna enter the room and he hadn't realized she had stepped in front of him until he felt the sensation of her fingers raking softly through his hair.

"You're thinking awfully hard," Johanna murmured.

He sighed deeply, raising his head so that he could rest it against her, his arms wrapping around her waist. He breathed in her scent, his fingers digging into the soft material of her nightgown.

"What are you thinking about that's giving you so much trouble?" she asked softly.

"I'm sorry," Jim said quietly.

"For what?"

"For everything…for the tracking app…"

"I don't want you to be sorry for having it," Johanna replied softly. "I want you to have it because it makes me feel safer…and it makes you feel better and I want us both to feel better. I just wish you would've told me when you got it…I wouldn't have been against it. Like I told you; it makes it a little easier for me to go out on my own knowing that you see where I am in case I wander into another store without thought that I didn't mention going to in my call or that you can tell I'm on my way home even if I've told you I am. I don't mind that you have it…it was just that keeping it a secret made me feel like you didn't trust me."

"I know…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it that way. It's not you that I don't trust…it's the world at large when it comes to you. I don't know why you didn't tell me when you found it."

She continued to run her fingers through his hair as he rested his head against her. "I didn't want you to think I was snooping in your phone…I didn't want to fight…it hurt me but I figured you needed it that way for some reason so I just kept quiet about it. I never intended to tell you that I knew…I just…"

"I made you angry tonight."

"Yeah…you hit a few sore spots," she admitted.

"I'm sorry," he said, his hold tightening on her. "I hate hurting you and I feel like I do it all the time."

"You don't…but tonight I brought on myself."

"How do you figure?"

"I shouldn't have asked about your call. Your phone calls are your own business, not mine."

"You're my wife, everything is your business."

"That used to be true in a sense…but maybe when I had to go away I lost some of the rights I had as a wife," she told him although it hurt her to do so. "We always bring up how I had a life away from here…from you…but you had your own life apart from me too…and you didn't have to explain yourself to anyone…that's a hard habit to break, you know…and I shouldn't ask you to because really I don't have the right to ask."

"That's not true," he said as he pulled back from her. "You haven't lost your rights as my wife. You have every right to ask why a woman called me…just like I went ballistic when a man called you."

She swallowed hard. "Sometimes I still think that you don't believe me about him…because it gets brought up every so often."

Jim shook his head. "I do believe you; he even told me himself that you never allowed him to get anywhere with you; not that I needed him to confirm it. I believe you. I should've never brought it up tonight…it shouldn't ever be brought up and threw at you just because I don't like the question I'm being given. I'm sorry, Jo."

"It's alright; I shouldn't have asked why she had your number. You consider her a friend, it's your business…I don't like it…I never have and I never will…but that's my problem, not yours. Let's just forget about tonight, okay? Let's just go to bed and start over tomorrow."

"Sometimes I think you let me off the hook a little too easy," he admitted.

Her brow rose as she looked at him. "You want me to threaten to hit you with a skillet like my mother always threatened my father when he annoyed her?"

Jim shrugged. "Maybe."

"Will it make you feel better?"

"Couldn't hurt."

She gave him a small smile. "Okay, if that whore calls you again, I'm hitting you with a skillet and running over your phone with my car. Feel better now?"

He laughed quietly. "I kind of do actually…the running over the phone was a nice touch and felt like authentic Johanna Beckett flavor."

Johanna smiled as she cupped his face and pressed a kiss against his lips. "I'm glad you feel better. Now let's go to bed…I feel like even though she's not speaking to me, your daughter is either going to come around with more angry knocking or angry phone calls and I need to rest up for that."

He nodded. "I get that feeling too…I'm glad I have to work tomorrow."

She pushed him away playfully. "Thanks for your support, dear."

"You know you can always call me for backup," he said as he rose from his place at the foot of the bed.

"I know…I think I'll just hope she continues the silent treatment approach. She can tack on a few more days for this one and I'll never know the difference," Johanna said as she made her way to her side of the bed.

"We can hope but I don't know if you're going to get that lucky."

"Yeah, me neither," she said quietly as she pulled back the covers, but she'd think about that tomorrow.

---

"Any word from Katie?" Jim asked the next morning as he made his way into the kitchen.

Johanna shook her head as she studied the contents of the refrigerator. "No, not a peep so far. I don't know if I should be concerned or relieved so I'm being a little of both."

"I'm sure she's fine, if that's what you're concerned about."

"I'm always concerned about that," she replied.

"She's okay…she's just debating whether to give in and break the silent treatment so she can yell at you, or she's decided that having you wait for it while she remains silent is also a form of punishment."

"Both of those scenarios make sense and feel highly likely…I do hate waiting for it though. I'd rather she just get it over with."

"She might've got called into work early," Jim remarked as he settled down at the table. "She'll get around to it."

"I don't doubt it," Johanna said as she closed the door of the fridge. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Pancakes," he answered.

She nodded, gathering what she needed to make pancakes as he settled down at the table with his papers that he was apparently going to look over before he ate. A comfortable silence fell between them as he read over his documents and she cooked; lingering until she prepared his plate and sat it down in front of him.

"Where's your plate?" Jim asked.

"I don't feel like pancakes today," she replied as she moved back to the counter to grab her bowl and her plate of toast. "I'm just going to have some toast and cereal."

"You feeling okay?" he questioned as he studied her.

Johanna nodded. "Yes; I just wanted something light."

Jim was quiet for a moment as he picked up a bite of his pancakes. "You're still mad at me?"

She looked up at him with a furrowed brow. "No; is cereal and toast some sort of code for anger that I'm unaware of?"

"No…you've just been quiet this morning, even when we were still upstairs."

"Upstairs I didn't have much to say because I had just gotten out of bed and was still sleepy. You've been reading over your papers for work while I made your breakfast and I didn't want to distract you. I'm not mad…I thought we discussed and settled that before we went to bed last night."

"We did…but you know…"

"We're fine," she replied. "I just wanted toast and cereal…if I was mad, you'd have toast and cereal."

"I considered that but sometimes you switch tactics on me," Jim replied.

"I assure you that my choice of breakfast had nothing to do with you."

He nodded. "Okay."

A loud knock sounded at the backdoor, making Johanna sigh softly. "There's the angry knocking," she remarked.

"Do you want me to get it?" Jim asked.

"No; eat your breakfast, I'll get it."

Johanna abandoned her chair and moved to the door, flicking the curtain back to make sure her guest was who she had expected. Seeing that it was indeed her scowling daughter, she unlocked the door and pulled it open. "I thought you weren't talking to me," she said as Kate stepped across the threshold.

"Yeah, well, you had to go and make it necessary with your little press conference," Kate replied.

"I don't think one reporter can be considered a press conference," Johanna said as she retook her seat. "Help yourself to the coffee. Do you want something to eat?"

"No. I'm here to find out what the hell you were thinking when you had your little chitchat."

"I was thinking, gee, how can I piss off my daughter today," she said sarcastically as she picked up a spoonful of her cereal.

"I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm."

Johanna shrugged. "I'm not in the mood for a lot of things."

"Save it," Kate snapped. "Do you know what you've done?"

"Yes, I was approached by a reporter, the most respectful one of the bunch. He asked me non-case related questions and I decided to answer them so I could go about my business with peace."

"You did more than that!"

"How do you figure?"

"You just proved to the world that we have discord!" Kate exclaimed. "The very thing I was trying to dispel in my statement! You just told the world we were fighting."

"Come on, Katie; it's not like it was a secret. I mean plenty of people who were at that party have already sold their pictures and stories about us. Denying it would've made me look like a liar and I'm trying to escape that image."

"By painting me as one!" Kate retorted.

"I didn't paint you as a liar! I said it was a typical mother-daughter squabble. It's better for us to look human in the eyes of the media than to have us look like a couple of emotionless robots."

"You didn't make us look better, Mom; you made us look worse."

"No, I didn't. I told the truth!"

"It's too bad you didn't do that over a decade ago and then we could've avoided all of this," Kate shot back.

Johanna shook her head as she eyed her. "Don't you even go there," she said, her tone low and even.

Kate bit back a few hasty retorts, doing her best to reign in her temper for a moment. "You should've just kept your mouth shut. You were so big on not wanting to talk to anyone and there you were being all chummy with this reporter in a parking lot! Then you don't even tell me…you complain about me not telling you things and then you turn around and do the same thing!"

"How am I supposed to tell you when you're not talking to me? You said you didn't want to hear from me so I didn't bother you," she replied. "You can't have it both ways, Katie."

"You could've sent a text."

"Yeah, but I didn't want to upset you with an unwanted text."

"That's just your excuse."

"Hey, Katie, you said you didn't want to hear from me and I wasn't going to beg you. All I did was answer a few questions…and as long as the questions aren't about this case, then I will answer them as I see fit."

"Oh now you want to deal with the media…but when I try to help us in that angle, you throw fits and rip apart everything I try to do."

"There's a difference, Katie…what you do, you do in an underhanded way at my expense. All I did was answer a few questions about a party. I didn't set you up. I didn't make you do something you didn't want to do. I just answered a few questions…and you know what, I don't care if you don't like it because you haven't given a damn about what I like or want the last few weeks. I told you, I'll handle my business my way and you can handle yours your way."

"And like I told you, it's not that simple when my business and yours is tangled up in each other. I tried to help us whether you believe it or not and so did Castle. Do you know what you've done to him?"

"I haven't done anything to him," Johanna said around a bite of her toast.

Kate scoffed. "Oh you don't think so!? You just gave him a bunch of bad publicity by telling the world that he throws a lousy party!"

"Well he does in my opinion," she replied. "Besides, since it's a pretty exclusive list of who gets invited, I don't think many people will care since they won't ever be at one of his parties."

"That's not even the point! You had no right to do that; he's been trying to help you and now he says he won't help you anymore."

"Hey, Katie, I didn't ask your boyfriend to help me so tell him I'm completely fine with the idea that he's not going to do it anymore. All his 'help' has done for me is create a bigger rift with my daughter since he encourages her to set me up, ambush me, and drag me into things I don't want to be a part of. So tell him I'm thrilled with the news that he's no longer helping me because I can do badly all on my own."

"You need to apologize to him," Kate said firmly.

"I'm not apologizing for anything. I was asked if I enjoyed the party; I didn't and everyone knew that before I confirmed it. I can't help it if his party was boring."

"You had no right to say those things!"

"I was asked!"

"I don't care, you should've kept your mouth shut! Especially talking about how you didn't get a free book and how his book is cheaper online than in bookstores; he said you probably just tanked his bookstore prices!"

"Oh I did not; people who don't want to wait on it to ship out will go get it at the store as usual. I'm sure it'll be a bestseller as usual."

"You need to apologize to him! Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut? Or better yet, why couldn't you just do what I asked the other night? But no, you had to 'blaze' and then give an interview that makes Castle look bad and me…and in the process, caused us to have a fight last night so I hope you're happy and pleased with yourself. Does it make you feel better? You're fucking ridiculous, do you know that? And what the hell were you thinking sharing family stories? Don't you ever tell a reporter anything about my life whether it be past or present! That reporter is going to think you're best friends now and he can get comments out of you all the time! Thanks so much for this newest disaster of yours, Mother. You're so very helpful in getting us through this mess that you created…yeah, I said it, you created it…and now you can go cry about it and be the wounded party like always…and no, I'm not going to apologize for it, but you better find a way to apologize to Castle and the next time you're giving interviews, you better tell a different story that doesn't make him look bad because I'm not going to stand for that!"

"I will not apologize for what I said. I didn't enjoy the party, it was lousy. Everything I said to that reporter was the truth…and given that Rick's guests had already sold pictures and stories to media outlets that told a story all of its own, it didn't seem feasible to lie…why lie when everyone already knows? I told the truth…because it wasn't worth trying to lie about, and maybe if people see that I'm willing to tell the truth about a stupid party, then just maybe I'm telling the truth about other things…they might not be as sure about you though. As for the story about an occasion in our past, I told it because I knew you'd see it and I wanted you to think about what I was saying but clearly you haven't and you probably never will so it was just wasted breath on my part. I never denied being the cause of this mess. I took the case. I shouldn't have. I regret it every day of my life so I'm sorry to inform you that you didn't give me a newsflash in that area of thinking. I'm also sorry to disappoint you but I have no intention of crying today. No intention of apologizing for a few truthful comments…and I damn sure won't take the blame for your argument with your boyfriend. Now I've said all I'm going to say about this matter," Johanna remarked. "Have a good day at work. Be careful. I love you."

"Really?" Kate asked. "You're just dismissing me like I'm some witness you had on the stand?"

Johanna nodded. "Pretty much. I'm not doing battle with you today, Katie. I'm tired of it. There was nothing wrong with the answers I gave that reporter. I'm allowed to tell the truth. I'm allowed to have an opinion…and I don't have to apologize to anyone for it."

"I can't believe you," Kate said with a shake of her head as she glanced to Jim who had kept silent. "Do you approve of her talking to that reporter, Dad?"

"No…I wish she wouldn't talk to any of them but I wasn't there, Katie."

"Well maybe you should talk to her about it and make it clear that we don't want her doing this," she remarked.

"Hey, you're the one who said I needed to let her stand on her own two feet and quit being her enabler. She called and said she was going out, I told her okay. I don't know what you want me to do about it…you don't want me to 'enable' her as you call it…you don't want me to have some measure of control…"

"Excuse me?" Johanna said as she eyed him. "Control what? Surely you don't mean controlling me..."

"Not the way it sounds," he replied.

"Uh huh…I overlooked the phone call you got from a whore last night and I agree with you tracking my phone, but this idea of either one of you having control over me, that I won't overlook."

"I'm not talking about controlling you…I'd never do that…and as for the phone call, I wouldn't say you overlooked it."

Johanna held his gaze. "Did you sleep beside me last night?"

"Yes."

"Did I maim you in your sleep?"

"No."

"Did I poison your breakfast?"

"No…"

"Is your phone still in perfect working order?"

"Yes," Jim replied.

"Then it's safe to say that I overlooked it," she said firmly.

"What phone call from what whore?" Kate asked, her anger temporarily on hold.

"It doesn't matter," Jim answered.

"Melanie," Johanna stated. "Your father's good friend Melanie."

Kate glanced at her father with a raised brow. "Why is Melanie calling you?"

"She was looking for Jeff, that's all."

"Why does she have your phone number?" his daughter asked.

"Because she does," Jim retorted. "Do I ask who has your phone number?"

"No, but you're getting a little defensive about who has yours…and as much as I hate to agree with your wife at the moment, the fact that I didn't walk into a crime scene this morning does suggest that she overlooked it."

"Not right away she didn't," Jim remarked. "But it doesn't matter. She was just looking for Jeff. I don't want to hear anymore about it."

Kate glanced to Johanna. "I thought you weren't going to tell him that you knew about him tracking your phone?"

"It came up in discussion about trust," Johanna replied. "I didn't intend to tell him but it came out…and I told him I want him to keep it."

Kate blew out a breath. "I don't know why…it doesn't seem to keep you from chatting with strangers in a parking lot."

"Christ, Katie, are you back on this damn reporter thing," Johanna said. "I'm not apologizing."

"And how do you know I was tracking her phone?" Jim asked.

"She told me," Kate replied.

"You told Katie but you didn't tell me that you knew?" he asked as he looked to Johanna.

"I told Katie during an argument and I made her promise not to tell."

"And you listened?" Jim asked.

She shrugged. "I think it fell under the mother-daughter confidentiality law."

"How nice for the two of you."

Kate sighed. "We've gotten off topic here."

"No, your topic is closed," Johanna stated. "I'm not discussing it any further."

"You still owe Castle an apology," she remarked.

"Well I'm not apologizing…not to him…not to you…not to anyone at the moment. Apologizing is all I've done since May and I'm getting tired of it," Johanna replied. "I'm not going to do it this time."

Kate's jaw tightened. "Then I guess we're back to having nothing to say to each other for the time being…and I'm still not being your babysitter while Dad's away."

"Good to know," she said. "Not that I was worried that you'd change your mind, because I wasn't. I'm going to be just fine on my own."

"Fine. I'm done here," Kate replied.

"Have a good day, Katie," she told her. "Be careful."

"Don't worry, Mom, thanks to you and your little interview, I'm sure I'll have a camera crew up my ass for the next few days, so I'm sure I'll be safe with so many witnesses around."

"Well, then since you won't be speaking to me, at least I'll see you on TV and known you're fine."

Kate blew out a disgusted breath as she headed for the door. "You always have to win."

"Occupational hazard," Johanna remarked as the door slammed shut behind her daughter. "Or at least it used to be."

Silence filled the kitchen as they listened to the sound of Kate's heels on the porch steps as she headed to her car. Jim glanced to his wife. "Are you okay?"

Johanna nodded. "Yes…I know you keep waiting for me to fall apart over this but I'm not going to, Jim."

"It's not that I think you're going to fall apart…it's just that there's usually tears…and when there isn't, it worries me."

"Why? Do you think I'm going to snap or something?"

"No," he sighed. "I just worry about you bottling things up."

"I'm not. I'm fine," she assured. "I just get tired of doing battle and I've decided not to do it this time…so just trust me, okay. I'm not going to breakdown. I'm not going to snap. I'm not going to dissolve into tears. I'm just going to be fine…because that's how I want it to be."

"Alright," Jim said with a nod to keep the peace; but somewhere inside he wasn't entirely sure and he hoped that Jeff would come through for him with Maggie's number.

---

As Jim drove through the city toward the company where interviews and research awaited them, he glanced at his silent best friend in the passenger seat. Jeff was preoccupied this morning…unusually quiet and it unnerved him. A silent, brooding Jeff was never a good thing; and since he had fallen off the grid for a night, he figured he better dig into whatever the issue was.

"Did you get my text last night?" Jim asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I got it," Jeff replied. "I'm sorry that Melanie called and stirred things up between you and Sassy. I didn't expect her to notice that I wasn't there."

"How could she not notice? You do live with her."

"When she bothers to come home but I'll rephrase. I didn't expect her to care…although I don't really think she cared in terms of concern. She just cared that she didn't know something."

"Maybe she was worried about you," Jim replied. "She did say that you're always home before she is."

Jeff scoffed. "She wasn't worried about me anymore than I was worried about her."

"Where were you last night?" Jim asked.

"I had something to take care of."

"It took all night?"

Jeff nodded. "Minus some travel time, yeah, it took all night."

He hazarded a quick glance at him. "Were you out drinking?"

"No…you know, better than I that. You know I quit not long after you did…you know…after I smashed the car into the garage door."

"Yeah, I remember…but you might've changed your mind."

Jeff shook his head. "No, I'm not going to do that."

"I'm glad to hear that…but where were you?"

"Out of town."

Jim smirked at him. "You're a bit contrary today."

"I didn't get much sleep."

'That's what happens when you go out of town overnight and then have to work the next morning."

"Thanks for the subtle dad lecture," Jeff quipped.

"Any time. I have to stay sharp on Dad lectures for Katie."

"I caught a glimpse of Jo's chat with the reporter online…how mad is Katie today?"

"Furious. She stopped by to rant and rave this morning."

"How did Jo take that."

Jim breathed deeply. "She's kind of in an odd mood ever since that shopping trip and then the party…she let's Katie rage, and then she just kind of shrugs it off, tells her she's not sorry and goes on about her business. She just doesn't care at the moment."

"You can't blame a woman for getting tired of carrying the burden. Jo shouldn't let her get to her all the time. Maybe she's realizing that."

"Maybe…or she'll just have an outburst of rage sometime in the future."

"That might be good for her too."

"Depends on how public that rage is."

"I don't know, going off and giving everyone a piece of her mind might make a world of difference," Jeff remarked.

"Remember that when she punches your wife for calling me."

"I'll pay her bail," Jeff replied. "I'll even represent her at the hearing. She's got a clean record; it'll just be a little slap on the wrist."

Jim shook his head. "I'd rather her not have a public blow up or an assault charge…and I wish she wouldn't talk to that reporter when he catches her in the parking lot."

"From what I saw, she did great; no panic, no fear…she answered a few questions honestly and he went on his way. It wasn't a big deal."

"I know it wasn't a big deal…but I don't like it. I don't like this whole thing…and I damn sure don't want her bottling things up until she explodes."

"I'm sure it won't come to that."

"I hope not. She needs a friend though. I guess you didn't get me that phone number yet."

Jeff sighed a little but said nothing in response to the question.

"It's alright if you don't want to," Jim said after a long minute. "Maggie probably won't come around anyway…no one else has so why would she be any different."

"Don't say that," Jeff muttered. "Maggie isn't like the others."

"It's probably true…and I still feel bad about asking you to get me the number anyway. Jo will be fine…she's got that friend in Wyoming; she can call and talk to her while I'm away."

"Maggie's not like everyone else," Jeff said firmly. "She's onboard with reconnecting with Jo."

Jim stopped at a light. "How do you know?"

Jeff sighed deeply. "I was with Maggie last night, okay?"

He digested that statement for a moment. "You were with Maggie?"

Jeff nodded. "Yeah, I went out there to talk to her about Jo and she's all for it; she's not harboring any hard feelings about the past. She wants them to be friends again."

"That's good to know," Jim replied. "Did she hesitate?"

"No, not at all."

Another moment of silence fell. "What made you go out there instead of just getting me the number?"

Jeff stared out the windshield. "I have Maggie's number…I've had it for a good while. I went out there because…well…I thought it was something that should be talked about in person…and I just wanted to see her."

"How did that go?"

"It was good," Jeff said before trailing off.

Jim was quiet for a long minute. "You spent the whole night out there?"

"Yeah, I did."

"Hotels out there are expensive," he commented. "Especially for a one night stay."

"I didn't stay in a hotel. I spent the night with Maggie, okay? You want to know so bad, now you know!" he exclaimed.

"When you say you spent the night…does that mean, you spent the night sleeping in her guest room or…"

Jeff sighed again. "If you insist on knowing, no, I didn't sleep in her guest room. Yes, I spent the night sleeping with her. We got to talking about things as the night wore on, not all of the hard stuff but some of it…she was crying…hell I might've cried a little too…and then I kissed her…and the next thing I knew we were in bed together…and when it was over she cried again, saying that now she had made me as bad as her because I had just cheated on my wife…"

"And what did you say?" Jim asked as he tried to take in this turn of events.

"I told her I didn't care…that I wasn't going to lie and say I regretted it because I didn't and I'm not going to."

"You don't regret it?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "It's hard to regret something that felt like coming home. I asked her if she regretted it and she said no and I believe that. I left there early this morning to get back in time for work. Melanie was already gone before I got home, not that I cared. It's none of her damn business what I was doing last night."

Silence fell between them for a long moment until finally Jim spoke once more. "I never really expected you to go down the adultery road."

Jeff cast a glance at him. "It's not like I planned it…it just happened. Besides, do you think Melanie has been faithful to me for more than five minutes?"

"No."

"You're damn right she hasn't…and I never expected her to be. I went into this marriage figuring she'd be out cheating at some point, after all, she's done it to every husband she's had so why would I be any different? I don't love her and she doesn't love me. There's never been any expectation of loyalty."

"Which is why you shouldn't have married her," Jim remarked. "But you did."

"Yeah, I did…I was stupid and she's always out to grab a new husband when an opportunity arrives. She thought she'd have full access to my money and she got fooled. This wasn't any love match. It was two stupid people using each other. She does what she wants so why shouldn't I?"

"That doesn't make it any better though," Jim replied. "If you want to get back together with Maggie, that's great…but I think you should've divorced Melanie first before you went and slept with Maggie."

"I told you, I didn't plan it," Jeff said firmly. "As for Melanie, I'll get around to divorcing her…I don't want to rush into things."

Jim scoffed. "I think you did that when you jumped into bed with your ex-wife five minutes after seeing her for the first time in years."

"For your information, it wasn't five minutes. We ate dinner together and talked for a few hours first," Jeff retorted.

"Oh, well that just makes it all better then," Jim said sarcastically. "Definitely not rushing if you have dinner first."

"Well lucky for me, I didn't call and ask for your opinion. As for me and Maggie…we've always kind of jumped first without looking. That's why I told her I loved her long before you could find the courage to say the same thing to Johanna."

"Don't even go there," Jim retorted. "You know what you did was wrong."

"No, I don't feel like it was wrong. It felt pretty damn right to me and anyway, I went out there in the first place to do you a favor."

"Don't blame your infidelity on me," Jim replied. "I asked for her phone number. You went out there for yourself; and like I said, if you want to get back together with Maggie that's great, you should if it's what you both want…but have the decency to divorce Melanie first…I mean she is your wife regardless of what you do or don't feel for her."

Jeff shot him a glare. "Since when did you become Melanie's advocate? Why the hell does it matter to you? She's not your wife."

"No, she's not…but you'd think that since you know how it feels to be cheated on that you wouldn't do it to someone else."

He scoffed. "Do you really think Melanie cares? She's too worried about herself and her own infidelities. It's not like I cheated with some call girl or something. It was my wife."

"Ex-wife."

"Legally, she's my ex-wife; in my mind she's always been my wife. I married Melanie because I was stupid and wanted companionship with someone I didn't have to worry about getting attached to. I knew she wouldn't be faithful. I expected it from day one and she didn't fail me on it…so it would be in poor taste for her to be angry about it being done to her."

"I get that," he retorted. "But in my opinion, you became as bad as she is by doing what you did. You need to do the right thing and divorce her; you owe her that much."

Jeff gave a bitter laugh. "I didn't know you cared so much about Melanie's feelings…maybe Jo's right to wonder about the two of you sometimes…but then again, I've always known the truth about your past entanglements with Melanie…have you ever told Jo the truth about it?"

Jim's hand tightened on the wheel. "There's nothing to tell."

"Oh I don't know…I can think of a few things."

"I wasn't with Johanna then…so whether or not there was an entanglement as you call it, it's none of her business."

"I don't know…you never shied away from questioning her about her past back in the day…and you even lost your mind over a phone call from a co-worker when she came home."

"That's different, she's my wife and she shouldn't be getting phone calls from other men."

Jeff nodded. "So if I wanted to call Jo and ask her a question, I shouldn't because I'm a man?"

"I didn't say that; there are exceptions for people I know."

"Oh, so she's only allowed to talk to men you've approved in advance, got it."

"Why are you even dragging Johanna into this?" he asked.

"Probably because you seem a little too concerned about Melanie…and since you're a married man, people might wonder," Jeff remarked. "Have you told Jo about the times when you and Melanie used to drink together and how she offered to console you through your grief?"

Jim's jaw tightened. "No, and you better never tell her either. Nothing happened and she doesn't need to know. This isn't about me."

"Maybe not specifically…but don't act like you haven't done things that Jo doesn't know about…because you have."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "So what are you going to do, Jeff? Call Johanna and tell her things she doesn't need to know just because I questioned your morals?"

"No, I'm not going to do that."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going back to Maggie's tonight."

"You're going back!?"

"Yes! I don't want her to think I regret it…and besides, I told her I'd be back and tomorrow morning I'm bringing her into the city to spend the day with Jo so make sure she doesn't have any plans tomorrow and if she does, cancel them."

"You know, Maggie could just bring herself into the city…I'm sure she has a car."

"Well maybe I want to be the one to bring her. It's my forgive me gift to Jo for getting you in trouble with Melanie's phone call…so just quit acting holier than thou and just be happy that I've got Maggie on board and that she's excited to come see her old friend for a day of girl gab and crying and whatever the hell else they do. So be happy damn it; this is what you wanted for Jo; for her to have a friend and I got her one and I didn't even really have to try because Maggie leaped at the chance…so be happy."

"Are you happy?" Jim retorted.

Jeff nodded. "Last night I was the happiest I've been in fourteen years, Jim…so you can look down your nose at me all you want, but I'm going back tonight…and I'll figure out the rest later."

"Alright; I just hope you know what you're doing."

"You know I rarely ever do but it usually turns out alright in the end and that's all that matters," Jeff remarked. "And don't you go telling Sassy about her surprise; I want to get to see her face when Maggie comes in."

"I'm not going to tell her," Jim replied. "The way my luck goes, I'd tell her and Maggie will change her mind."

"She's not going to change her mind but still, let's let her be surprised."

"I'm fine with her being surprised…I just hope you deliver what you're promising."

"You have my word…and you know, no need to mention the details to her later of my visit with Maggie."

"I'm not saying a word…but it might be the one case where she approves of adultery…considering it is Melanie you did it to."

"Oh my God," Jeff complained. "Shut up about Melanie. I'm going to divorce her, alright. I just want to make sure things are going to go okay with me and Maggie."

"You need to divorce her either way."

"I will! Now can we stop with that line of conversation? Because the only thing that's keeping me from cancelling tomorrow's surprise is that it wouldn't be fair to Johanna to take her friend away just because her husband doesn't know when to quit."

"Fine; for Jo's sake, I'm not saying another word about it," Jim replied.

"Good…and if Melanie calls tonight, don't answer."

"You can count on that," Jim said with a scoff. "I don't want to have to sleep with one eye open."

---

The need to keep busy had sent Johanna up to the attic late that morning with a box of trash bags and the remembrance that the last time she had been up there a few weeks before, it had been a mess and in desperate need of cleaning out and organizing. She had set about her task without thought, moving things around, finding things that she deemed useless to them now as she tossed them into a trash bag. But then she stumbled upon a hodgepodge of boxes and found herself unpacking the clothes and shoes that she assumed Jim or Katie had boxed up long ago in her absence. Jim hadn't lied to her, he hadn't gotten rid of anything, she thought as she found herself surrounded by piles and piles of her clothes…shoes…bras, underwear and pantyhose…purses, scarves and gloves. Her entire wardrobe was clearly accounted for…evidence of a life interrupted as she noted the dresses that still had price tags hanging off of them…dresses she hadn't gotten to wear before she had to flee.

Her stomach twisted, her breathing becoming erratic as she absorbed the ramifications that finding those boxes had brought about. She didn't want to feel the searing pain that spread across her soul but it burned her anyway, making her relieve it for a moment…bring the tears to her eyes that she hadn't wanted to shed…but how could she not? The pain was there without warning, hers…Jim's…Katie's…a whole portion of her life packed up into boxes and thrown into the attic to be out of sight and out of mind. Johanna forced herself to not to throw the items back into their boxes…instead, she forced herself to stay there on the floor, surrounded by it all…feeling the pain, the grief, the anger…allowing the tears to fall until finally she told herself it was enough and did her best to pull herself back together.

Johanna reached for the roll of trash bags and pulled one off; taking a shuddering breath as she opened it. They were just old clothes…a part of her life once upon a time…a part of her…but that was then and this was now…and it was time to move on in any small way she could. The clothes were out of style now, some of them dry rotted from being packed for so long. She dug through the piles, laying aside a few select mementos to hang onto for sentimental reasons and the rest she tossed into trash bags and as she filled each bag, she felt something loosen in her chest, as if throwing away the remnants of the past had somehow soothed something that had been stirring deep within her. Before long she was surrounded by trash bags; her small pile of sentimental keepsakes carried to the far side of the room to lay on the trunk she'd had since she was a teenager. She felt like she had accomplished something…but then she began to worry…what if Jim didn't want her to throw those things out? After all, he had kept them all this time…what if he wasn't ready to let them go? The thought brought a weight back to her shoulders and for a moment she thought about calling him but decided against it. He was at work…and if the topic might upset him, it would be best to wait and talk to him about it at dinner. For now she'd leave it in the bags…she'd leave the empty boxes on the other side of the room just in case she needed to repack them.

She took a steadying breath, part of her dreading the moment when she'd have to bring up the topic with Jim…but she would…because maybe it would be good for both of them if she started to make the effort of moving on in small ways like this. They could get through the conversation…one way or another and she didn't want to dwell on it. She pushed her thoughts aside and moved toward another collection of unfamiliar boxes. Upon opening them, she found the items that had decorated her office long ago and another pang stretched across her heart. Her clothes had been a reminder of a life interrupted…the décor of her office a reminder that her career had reached a premature end. Johanna closed her eyes; sometimes that still bothered her…that her career hadn't ended on her terms, but there was nothing she could do about that. Her law career was over, it hurt…it was something she didn't allow herself to admit out loud…nor did she allow herself to mention those moments when she was slightly jealous of the stack of work on her husband's desk and how she wished she could delve into a file for him; occupy her mind with some mundane contract law case that couldn't bring any harm but she couldn't dare ask or tell him. He'd worry and he worried enough. Her career was over and had been for nearly fourteen years…more than enough time to get used to the idea, she thought to herself…and so maybe it was time for her old office décor to join the pile of garbage she had created.

With that thought in mind she settled down to the task; sorting through the items, remembering them, giving herself permission to let him go as she tossed them into trash bags; setting aside only a piece of artwork and the rug she had loved so much in her office. She could use the rug there in the attic, near the chair that had belonged to Elizabeth Beckett. Johanna sat on the floor in the silence, ideas taking shape in her mind for how to rearrange the attic…for creating a little private space for herself up there where she for some reason could find a sense of peace when she was craving it. She'd have to discuss it with Jim when he got home…and hopefully he'd agree with her way of thinking and her trash bags full of the past could be hauled away, leaving her room to create something for the present.

---

Jim had just sat his briefcase on the passenger seat and was about to put his keys in the ignition when his phone rang that afternoon. He hurriedly put his key in the ignition and then snatched his phone from his jacket pocket, seeing his friend Leo's name on the screen. Hope filled him as he hurried to accept the call. "Leo, do you have news?" he asked.

"Not yet," Leo said. "Are you busy?"

"No, I had just gotten in the car to head home from work. What's up?"

"Just wanted to let you know that my person on the inside is settling in; it's still early but she's picking up small inklings of things she can look into…so like I always tell you, it's going to take time but the work is being done."

"I know," he said honestly. "I'm not trying to rush…I just…."

"I know," Leo replied. "And you're not rushing, you're just anxious for news and believe me, I can't wait to make that call and give it to you. I saw Jo's little chat with a reporter on TV last night."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I wish she hadn't done that."

"Jim, I know you don't like her talking to the media, but honestly; she did herself a huge favor with that little interview last night."

"What makes you say that?"

His friend gave a light laugh. "The Brackens are painting her as a villain…and her silence made her mysterious, made people wonder if she is one…but yesterday when she talked to that reporter, she humanized herself, Jim. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true…she showed everyone that she's human…and a lot of people can identify with a woman who went to a bad party and had a lousy time and doesn't mind telling about it. It's little things like that that are good for her image in the public eye so don't be upset about her doing it…she didn't realize that she was helping herself in that moment but she was. Have you seen any of the talk show and news segments about it today?"

"No, I've been at work and we've been trying to avoid it."

"A lot of those shows that were making fun of her for being quiet and hiding behind her sunglasses…they have a different viewpoint today…commiserating about going to a bad party…about doing something for your kid that you don't want to do. She's not getting bad press with this one, Jim. I know Jo probably talked to that guy because she figured it was best to give him a few minutes time since she was on her own, but I'm telling you, it was the right move to make and she didn't even know she was making it which makes it all the better. She allowed people to know her a little bit and that's a good thing."

"Are you sure about that?" Jim asked.

"I am, trust me…I've got people everywhere, I know lots of things…and I know that today, in the public eye, Johanna Beckett is looking better, warmer, relatable…human. She did great."

Jim was quiet for a moment. "I kind of got on her case last night, telling her she's not paying attention to her surroundings since this guy has come up to her twice."

"Watch the video again, Jim; she hears someone coming, her hand tightens around her purse strap every time she hears someone get near…I know that because I study every video that comes out…"

"Why?" he interrupted.

"To see who's around, who's approaching her, if there's anybody lingering besides the people in the foreground. Nothing's been out of place but I study every one just in case…and she heard him coming, when she hears someone getting close, she tightens her hand around the strap of her purse, I assume it's some way of bracing herself for whatever is about to be said. She's aware, she just tries to act naturally like everyone else. I will ease your mind though and tell you that I looked into this reporter and his cameraman. Emilio is clean and so is George; they have no criminal backgrounds and going over other work of theirs, they're actually more ethical than most paparazzi types. They have no link to anyone that's related, worked or dealt with Bracken. They don't crowd her; they announce themselves and honestly…it might not be a bad idea for her to keep them in mind if Jo ever needs to make a serious statement to the media. Out of all the media vying for her attention, they'd be the ones to go to because they do give her respect."

"So you're saying you think she should talk to him when he approaches her?"

"If she's comfortable with the topic at hand, yeah, I think she should…it's good to have a member of the media in your pocket during times like these…he could be a card for her to hold onto if the time comes when she needs to make a serious statement about one thing or another…so you might want to think about that…and encourage her to keep that amiable relationship with Emilio and George. I know it worries you but keep it in mind."

"I'll keep it in mind…and I guess I better look up some of today's news clips when I get a chance."

"Do that, because it's favorable today."

Jim sighed. "I wish you'd tell Katie that because she's furious…and so is Rick."

Leo laughed. "Hey, if you're going to throw a bad party, you got to take some lumps for it."

He laughed with him. "I'm not sure Rick feels that way."

"He's a big boy, he'll be alright," Leo replied. "And hey, this will make Jo happy if you tell her…Cher saw the video, she mentioned her in a tweet."

"Are you serious!?" he exclaimed.

"Yes…and she agrees with Jo, it's a crime for a band not to know her," he laughed.

"That's going to make her whole day," Jim said lightly. "I'll tell her at dinner. She'll be excited."

"You do that. I'll let you go now so you can get home. I just wanted to let you know that things are still moving along and that I'm keeping an eye on the media and all of that…I know you didn't ask me to but I am anyway and I hope that'll ease some of your worry knowing I've got eyes on that situation too."

"It does. I'm going on a hunting trip this weekend, I'll be gone for a week…she's insisting that I go but I'm worried about her being alone."

"Do you have a security system?"

"No."

"I'll put you in one this week; don't worry, nothing over the top that'll make her nervous…just a basic system that she can set, especially at night for a little extra protection. I can also put a camera or two outside, the footage would go to your computer and phone, and if you'd see something you'd want looked into, you'd tell me the time and date and I'd be able to pull it up at the office and look at it."

"That's not a bad idea," Jim replied. "Nothing too fancy and complicated though."

"No, a basic system, and if it goes off, it notifies my people and the police…my people will probably get there first and that's not a bad thing, trust me. Do you want the cameras too?"

It wasn't something he had ever imagined doing but he felt like maybe it was necessary at the moment. "Yeah, one out front, and one in the back. I'll talk to Jo about it tonight."

"Sounds good, let me know when you want me to do it."

"I will; it'll definitely be in the next few days. I want it done before the weekend."

"You got it. Let me know."

"I will," Jim promised before ending the call. He wasn't sure that Johanna would like the idea but he hoped he could bring her around to it, it might ease both of their minds…and when things calmed down and they felt secure, they could always have it taken out if they wanted. But having it while he was away would help him sleep a little easier at night.

---

Jim unlocked the backdoor and stepped inside, his gaze finding his wife at the sink as she drained water from the pasta she had cooked. "Hey," he said, a touch of caution in his voice. With exception of a few texts checking in with each other throughout the day, they hadn't really talked since that morning…and he still felt like he was on unsteady ground thanks to that phone call the night before.

"Hey," she replied, a small smile on her lips as she met his eye. "I hope you're hungry, dinner's ready."

He nodded as he hung up his coat and then moved toward her, stealing a quick kiss. "I am…you've got a nice little feast going on here," he said, noting the spaghetti, the salads and breadsticks. "I hope that means you're hungrier than you were this morning."

"I am," Johanna told him. "I usually ask you what you want in the morning but I forgot…and I was craving spaghetti so I hope you're good with this."

"Always," he replied, kissing her once more. "Especially if those are the breadsticks your mother always made."

"They are, I wouldn't disappoint you like that."

Jim smiled as he helped her carry the plates to the table; his body relaxing as she seemed to be in better spirits than she had been that morning.

"How was your day?" Johanna asked once they had settled down.

"Typical. We got all the interviews done and gathered what we needed for research. We'll do what we can for the rest of the week and the rest will wait until we get back from the trip."

"Did you find out where Jeff was last night?"

Jim hesitated, his gaze dropping to his plate. "All he said was he had something to take care of."

Johanna studied him, seeing his tell for when he was lying. He knew what Jeff had been up to but clearly it was something covered in the law between buddies. "Sounds very secretive," she commented.

He nodded. "Yeah, he didn't want to talk much about it."

She smiled a little as he kept his gaze on his plate, his thumb rubbing against the handle of his fork. He was definitely lying…Jeff had been up to something and he knew exactly what it was. "I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready to talk about it."

"It's okay if he doesn't…you know, we don't need to know everything unlike women."

"Oh, Jim, don't turn this into a sexist conversation, you always lose," Johanna said as she broke a breadstick. "You and Jeff can keep your little secret about his whereabouts, I'm not going to push for the answer…he's not my husband so you know, it doesn't really matter to me."

"I don't know where he was!" Jim exclaimed.

She laughed. "Honey, we've been together for thirty-nine years…I know where you're lying; and it's okay, I know all about that code between men. You two can have your little buddy secrets, it's fine."

"I don't know anything about it."

"Okay," she said with a nod, amusement gleaming in her eyes. "I'll pretend like I believe that."

Jim breathed deeply, feeling like a change of topic was in order. "How was your day?"

"It was fine…I went up in the attic."

His brow furrowed. "What for?"

"Well…first it was just me looking for something to do and I wandered up there and started to go through boxes…and I want to talk to you about that," she said, a touch of unease in her voice.

"Okay; what about it?"

Johanna worried her bottom lip for a moment as she tried to find the right words. "Like I said, I started to go through boxes…I figure it's time to clean out some things up there, re-organize and such…"

"Nothing wrong with that," he told her.

"I know…but…"

"But what, Jo?"

She sighed a little, brushing her hair back from her face. "I, uh…I found the boxes of my stuff that I'm assuming you or Katie packed up while I was gone…my clothes and shoes…things from my office."

Jim took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah…I guess I didn't really think about that stuff being up there. I mean, I know it's there…I just haven't thought about it lately."

"I figured that…I didn't really want to bring it up," she admitted.

"It's alright; we would've come across those boxes eventually."

"I went through those boxes," she said quietly.

He studied her face. "Are you okay?"

Johanna nodded. "I'm okay…I won't lie and say that they didn't catch me off guard, it did…and it wasn't easy…but I went through them…and if it's okay with you…I think it's time that we get rid of those old clothes and shoes…with the exception of a few things I put aside for sentimental value."

Jim was quiet for a moment, thinking of her having to go through the evidence of her life being boxed up in her absence. It wasn't easy to think of…it wasn't easy to remember how he had been the one to take her clothes from the drawers and the closet and put them into those boxes that he had carted up to the attic six months after she had been gone.

"If you don't want me to get rid of that stuff right now, I won't," Johanna said, feeling as though she had opened old wounds for him by bringing it up. "I won't be angry if you're not ready for me to get rid of it."

Jim shook his head. "No, sweetheart; if you want to get rid of that stuff, it's fine. I put those boxes up in the attic because I couldn't stand the thought of getting rid of your things…but you're home now and you don't have need of that stuff. It's fine if you want to get rid of it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure…I think it would be best…help us both move on," he admitted.

She gave him a small wary smile. "I thought about that too…you know it's there even when you're not actively thinking about it…and you told me everything was still here, so somewhere inside I knew what wasn't in plain sight was somewhere around here…and maybe that keeps a cloud over us in a quiet way. I went through it…and I guess you could say I grieved a little…"

"Is that why you didn't say much in your messages today?" Jim asked quietly.

"I guess so…I, um, I just made myself empty out the boxes…and I let myself cry…and then I started throwing things in trash bags, reminding myself that they were only clothes and shoes…that it was time to let them go; just like when we were in New Jersey you said I could make changes around the house if I wanted, like I always had before if it would help us move on. I don't know if it makes any sense but as I filled up those bags, I felt a little better…but then I started to worry that it might upset you."

He reached for her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "No; like you, it caught me off guard when you mentioned it, but it's okay to get rid of that stuff, sweetheart. I hung on to it to hang onto you…but you're home now so I don't need it anymore. It's time to let it go. I'm fine, you don't need to worry. You said it made you start to feel a little better when you started throwing it away?"

Johanna nodded. "Yeah, it did…I know it doesn't make sense."

"Maybe it does," he remarked as he kept hold of her hand. "Maybe you're just ready to start letting go a little."

"Maybe so…but I wanted to make sure you were okay with it."

"I am," he told her with a smile to reassure her. "You said you kept a few things of sentimental value…can I ask what they were?"

She took a breath. "The last pair of gloves my mother gave me…you know I had been hanging onto those for years before I had to leave."

"I know."

"I just can't let them go."

"You don't have to, I understand…you know my father's watch is laying in my nightstand drawer. It doesn't work anymore but I can't get rid of it."

"I know and you shouldn't," Johanna agreed. "I kept the gloves…and I kept the beaded clutch bag I had fallen in love with in a store window that you bought me for my birthday that one year. I still love that bag…and I'm still surprised you bought it because I know you hate when I like a bag that's way too expensive."

Jim laughed. "It was too expensive…but you loved it and I wanted to spoil you so I bought it…just so I could see your eyes light up when you unwrapped it."

"It's probably out of style now…but I can't deny hoping that I can find an occasion to use it again," she admitted. "I see it and I think of you…and that day and how happy I was."

"I'm glad you kept it."

"I can't part with it. I kept the blue silk blouse Katie bought me her first semester at Stanford."

"The one she charged on your credit card?" he laughed.

"Yeah," she giggled. "I don't know why it didn't dawn on her that by using my credit card to buy it that I was then paying for my own gift, but I just chalked that up to her still being a teenager and the warm climate of California affecting her brain…or whatever else was occupying her mind then."

"It was the thought that counted," he quipped.

"And she was so excited to give it to me," she recalled. "I just couldn't tell her when the bill came in and that charge was on there…I couldn't help but laugh when I found it. I hadn't thought about that in a long time."

"Then it was a good item to keep."

"I think so too. I also went through the stuff from my office…I know Katie has my elephants and I'm glad she kept them…she's the one who picked them out for my office when she was little. The things that were left that I had decorated my office with…I decided to get rid of with the exception of a picture that I had always liked that hung in my office…and I want to keep the rug, I thought maybe once I get the attic straightened out and organized, I could put it on the floor up there; it'll be softer on the feet than the bare wood floor…and I have your mom's chair up there I took when Madelyn threw out her furniture…"

"You sound like you have an idea."

"I kind of do…I was thinking once I had things straightened, I could put the rug down and the clean the chair…and maybe you could put me up some shelves and I could have a little library in a corner up there. I know it sounds strange but I've always found it kind of peaceful up there."

It felt so good to hear her talk this way, of letting go and thinking of new ideas for the house like she always had, he couldn't help but think. "We can do that. I can get you storage totes for the stuff we want to keep and I'll put you up some shelves…it can be our winter project."

Johanna smiled. "Sounds good. Do you think we could get those totes before you go on your trip? I can do more cleaning and organizing while you're away; don't worry I won't get rid of anything of yours while you're gone."

"We'll get you what you need before I go," he promised. "But speaking of things to get done before I go, there is something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Okay," she replied. "What is it?"

"I ran into Leo today and we were talking. I told him that I was going to be going on this trip and that I was worried about you being here alone…you know that he has a security side of his business…he offered to put in a basic security system for us…and a camera outside each of the doors, the footage would go to our computers. I told him I would talk to you about it first. I'd feel better having it…but if it makes you uncomfortable or you think it would make you feel more afraid, we won't do it."

Johanna took a bite of her dinner as she thought it over for a moment. In a small way, it did unnerve her at first, thinking about how this was what their life had become…but she couldn't deny him his need to keep her safe and maybe it was best in this day and age no matter the circumstances. "Let's have it done," she said as she met his eye.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…as long as it's just a simple basic system that's easy to use. I don't want something complicated that I'll set off while getting the mail."

"I told Leo we wouldn't want anything complicated and he said it would just be basic and easy to use. He can get it done before I go on the trip, I just have to let him know that we want it."

"Then call him after dinner and tell him we want it done. I think it's a good idea."

Relief filled him. "I'm glad because I want it done…I know I'm probably being overly protective but I just want to make sure you're as safe as possible while I'm away."

"I know, honey. I get it…and maybe we'll both sleep better at night knowing it's there."

Jim nodded and pulled his phone from his pocket. "Now that we've gotten through the heavier topics of the day, it's time for something that will make you happy."

"Oh, what's that?"

"You know how in your interview, you mentioned about how it's wrong for a band not to know Cher?"

"Yes."

Jim smiled widely. "Cher saw that interview…and she tweeted about it."

Her eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

"I am, see for yourself," he said, holding out the screenshot he had taken of Cher's tweet. "She agrees with you, it's a crime…and that you have great taste in music."

"Oh my God!" Johanna squealed. "Cher knows me!"

Jim laughed. "I guess that interview wasn't such a bad thing…you've got Cher on your side now."

"Oh my God!"

"I knew it would make your day."

"I need you to print this out and blow it up so I can frame it," Johanna remarked. "I want this hanging on the wall…I mean she called me by my name! Oh my God, this is amazing, Cher knows me!"

"I'll make sure you have a copy of it, sweetheart," he chuckled.

"This is one of the best moments of my life," she remarked as she stared at the picture. "Can you do one other thing for me?"

"Name it."

"Can you text a picture of it to Katie? I want her to see it…and nothing she can say in response can dim the happiness I feel right now," Johanna remarked.

"Sure thing, I think she needs to see it," he replied. "And listen, I know I kind of gave you a hard time about talking to that reporter and I'm sorry…you're right, he doesn't seem to be a creep like the others so if you feel like you need to talk to one of them, I'd rather it be that one since he doesn't startle you. I just worry, you know."

"I know," she said, her gaze still on his phone. "I can't believe Cher knows me."

He smiled, seeing the awe on her face; the day had started out rocky but was ending on a high note…and tomorrow would bring her an old friend so maybe things were looking up for a change.

A/N: Maggie's back in the next chapter!