Title: Kaguya-sama: I, Take Thee…

Let it never be said that Kaguya Shinomiya didn't face her problems head on.

"Hikigaya-kun, let's break up."

Hikigaya blinked in confusion. He then looked at where he was and what he was doing – he was in the student council room and he was reading a text book.

Okay.

Let's review his actions leading upto this point and figure out why she wants to break up with him, shall we?

Let's see.

He was in the student council room, because he was invited here by none other than Kaguya Shinomiya herself. Apparently, his girlfriend felt jealous and insecure about him spending his time in a clubroom with two other beautiful girls.

Not that she would ever admit it.

Shinomiya was far too proud and arrogant to entertain such silly notions. But he wouldn't be her boyfriend, if he didn't know how to read between the lines and understand those hidden subtexts, things she was able to communicate without actually communicating anything.

Of course, it helped when she more or less manipulated Miyuki Shirogane, the president, to make him a short-term member of the student council.

Hikigaya's position was that of a liaison, between the student council and the volunteer club, a rather unique club which addressed and solved the problems many students faced in their day to day school life.

Shinomiya argued that it made perfect sense for the student council and the volunteer club to work hand in hand to provide the student body with the best available version of a fulfilling campus life.

Shirogane didn't put up much of an argument, because he actually liked Hikigaya. Both of them were friends and shared a few things in common - they didn't belong to a super rich, upper class families and they had scary looking eyes. In fact, it was actually the eye thing which led to them bonding over a can of Maxx Coffee.

But Hikigaya had gone off on a bit of a tangent.

Let's get back to the crux of the matter.

Why was Kaguya Shinomiya trying to break up with him?

Ask her you idiot, a voice in his head said.

In a normal situation, he would have disregarded the voice in his head completely. Ask her? What are you, an idiot or something? You don't ask a girl a thing like that. In fact, there are three things you should never ask a girl – her weight, her age, and why she wants to break up with you. Now, granted, there are exceptions to every rule. For example, the age thing, you might want to ask how old she is, in case she is wearing a high school uniform and you are a gross, bald, sweating, middle aged salary man.

But that was a moot point in this current situation – both of them were high schoolers. Besides, they had just started dating. And he was being a gentleman, taking it real nice and slow. They had gone out on a few dates, held hands and shared a kiss. But nothing else had happened. Like he said, he was being a gentleman.

Wait a minute –

Was that the problem? That he was taking things a bit too slow? Of course! That had to be it. Why hadn't he thought about it in the first place? He was a real idiot. This was the 21st century and things were rapidly changing. He was in a relationship with a modern girl. Granted, she had a very traditional upbringing, but that doesn't mean she didn't have urges like the rest of them. It was completely normal. And here he was, trying to play the part of the gentleman, and ending up denying her urges. He was truly an idiot. No wonder she wanted to break up with him.

"Okay. So, um," His throat felt dry. For some reason, he looked around, when it was already apparent that no one else was in the student council room. Great. It was just the two of them. He would make full use of this privacy and have a real heart-to-heart conversation with his girlfriend. "Do you want to go to a hotel?"

Shinomiya stared at him for a moment. Then blinked. He observed how her cheeks slowly changed colour and became pink. Truth be told, she looked really cute. He could watch her blush in embarrassment for hours. But sadly, her embarrassment didn't last for long. Because it was quickly replaced by anger and rage.

"Look here, Hikigaya-kun!" Shinomiya jabbed a finger to his chest. For some reason it actually managed to hurt him. Was she targeting some pressure points? Did she suddenly possess super human strength? What the hell was going on? "I know this brain dead generation of ours has developed this concept of 'break-up sex', but I don't believe in such nonsense. I thought you were better than this, but I guess I was wrong. At the end of the day, you are just another beastly man with only one thing running around his mind." She stared down at him with nothing but spite in her eyes. "How disgusting."

"Disgusting, huh?" Hikigaya wasn't going to take that lying down. Sure, he didn't belong to a powerful family like hers, didn't have money and wealth or lived in a mansion with a bunch of servants, but they were in a relationship and they had entered this relationship as equals. He wouldn't have bothered to be with her otherwise. 'All you need is love', 'Love conquers everything' 'Unconditional love'– he didn't believe in such utter nonsense. For a relationship to be successful there has to be mutual respect between both partners. Love without mutual respect was hopeless. As such, he let her have it. "What about you?" He asked bitterly. "Aren't you the one who wants to break up with me because we haven't had sex yet?"

"Huh?" He was greeted by total and utter confusion. "Hikigaya-kun, what are you talking about?" Shinomiya asked patiently.

Okay. He might have made a small miscalculation. Don't blame him though. He never said he was any good at mathematics.

This time around he decided to just come out and ask like a normal person.

"Okay. I will bite." He grumbled. "Why do you want to break up with me?"

To her credit, Shinomiya wasn't embarrassed at all. "It was something that Kaichou said. I'm sure he meant it as a joke, but he said that he has nothing to worry about this exam season, because he's pretty much guaranteed to secure the first rank, as no doubt my studies would be hampered because of my relationship with you."

That little piece of shit– and here he thought he was a dear friend.

Hikigaya made a mental note to go out and seek revenge at the earliest possible moment and make Shirogane regret his actions.

It was time for 'KingKamakuraDa8th' to make an appearance and post some really mean Yelp reviews online and target every place Shirogane worked at as a part-timer.

If that didn't work, he wasn't afraid to go after his younger sister. Yeah, you heard him right. Just you wait, Kei Shirogane-chan, this rotten dead fish eyed loner will take the place of your older brother and make you forget all about your real, good for nothing brother, because when it comes to being an older brother, there's no one better at the job than Hachiman Hikigaya.

In fact, now that he thought about it, why not go for a pincer attack. Yes, that's right. He will attack his work place and his home life.

Serves you right, you good for nothing friend.

I will destroy you.

To Shinomiya, Hikigaya simply said. "Like you said, Shirogane probably meant it as a joke. Or knowing him, he's probably playing mind games with you. You know how he is."

Shinomiya didn't look too sure. "But he made a valid point." She replied. "Ever since we started going out, I have been oddly distracted. Sometimes, when I'm trying to study, I can't help but think about you. You hands, your face, your -" she stared at his lips for a moment, before lowering her head. The blush was back on her face and she had to clear her throat before continuing. It took a lot of effort to calm down and talk normally. "So, like I was saying. We should break up! And when the exams are over, we will be back together again! What do you think?"

Hikigaya had to exercise tremendous amount of control to not call her an idiot. "Shinomiya-san, have you ever heard of the phrase, 'let's take a break'?"

Shinomiya shook her head in the negative. "Breaks are for losers who lack the will to succeed in life. It's a family motto."

Hikigaya balked. "You can't be serious? Even God rested on the seventh day." He added with a chuckle.

"That was God." His girlfriend was completely serious. "I am a Shinomiya."

"…Alright." Hikigaya decided to lose the battle. But he wasn't going to lose the war. "Here's what we are going to do. We are not gonna break up. Wait, let me finish -" He silenced her protests before she could even voice them. "We are gonna do this thing in a relationship which is called, 'Taking a break'. Are you familiar with the concept?"

Kaguya Shinomiya hated not knowing things. But what she hated even more was admitting the fact that she didn't know something. Now she perfectly understood that Hikigaya-kun wouldn't have made fun of her for not knowing something which seemed really common knowledge. Her boyfriend was kind and caring and he treated her with respect. But she was Kaguya Shinomiya. She had too much pride. And so, she lied and simply replied with, "Of course, I'm familiar with the concept."

Now even though Hikigaya suspected that Shinomiya was lying and she didn't know what 'taking a break' in a relationship entailed, for some reason he didn't feel the over abundant need to explain everything to her. Besides, Shinomiya has Hayasaka, he reasoned. If push comes to shove, she will explain everything to her.

He didn't know it at the time, but Hikigaya had made a terrible mistake.

Later.

At The Shinomiya Residence.

"Hayasaka? Are you awake?"

"It's half past midnight, Kaguya-sama. Why shouldn't I be awake?"

"Good. I was wondering. What does the phrase 'taking a break' mean in the context of a romantic relationship?"

"…"

"Hayasaka? What happened? Did you fall asleep?"

"Not at all….Kaguya-sama, have you watched the show 'Friends'?"

"…No."

"…I see."

Next Day.

After Staying Up All Night...

Watching Netflix With No Chill...

Hikigaya was just minding his own business. He was in the volunteer club room, reading a light novel. Yukinoshita was sipping tea like a princess, reading a proper book – a paperback. Yuigahama was bugging her like a cute little puppy who really wanted a ton of attention.

There was peace.

There was tranquility.

And that's when Kaguya Shinomiya burst in.

"We are not taking a break!" Shinomiya declared abruptly. "And if you sleep with some hussy from a copy shop, I will gut you like a fish. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to continue doing something called 'binge watch'. Have a good day, Hikigaya-kun."

And then she left, just as abruptly.

"Huh." Hikigaya said. "…What the hell just happened?"

He didn't expect Yuigahama of all people to respond. "Seriously, you haven't watched 'Friends'! It's the best show ever!"

Well, it's time to wrap up this story and bring everything to an end.

Full disclosure –

Miyuki Shirogane ranked 1st in the exam.

Kaguya Shinomiya came 2nd.

Thankfully, she didn't blame Hikigaya-kun for not securing the first rank in the exam.

Shinomiya did blame Hayasaka though - for introducing her to the show 'Friends' and the concept of 'binge watching'.

Their relationship was never the same again.

A/N: I know it's a silly one-shot. But I'm in the mood to write these silly one-shots. I just feel so relaxed. Like I don't have to look at the big picture and worry about what will happen next. So yeah, for the time being, I will write a bunch of one-shots.

If you want to suggest a female character, let me know in the reviews and I will try to write a one-shot featuring her and Hikigaya.

Take care.