If you were to tell an alumnus about the current state of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, their reaction would end badly for you. Some would call you a liar, others would hex you for the insult. Some, if you're lucky, would only laugh and call you an idiot. Yet regardless of their reaction, the reality would remain. The reality being that, since the start of March in 1993, the students of Hogwarts have lived under a new, unwritten rule.

No one fucks with Hufflepuff.

The ultimate reason why was obvious to anyone with eyes, and snake bitten ankles. Serpa-geddon was a day (and night) spoken of in fearful whispers. Though the journey that led to Serpa-geddon is what keeps the other houses in line. The first, and biggest, being that the Heir of Slytherin is a Hufflepuff. His obvious power is something to be feared and respected after that display. That said, everyone at Hogwarts knows that he was only the sword of wrath, not the wielder.

To find the wielder, one only needs to follow the trail. It starts with the bodyguards of that terrifying day. Snakes draped along the shoulders of two witches, two witches with one thing in common: VATIC! A group who are "technically" an inter-house organization, but everyone knows it is really the work of a Hufflepuff masterplan. Whispers around the school revealed that someone, or someones, messed with members of VATIC; which by that extension meant that someone messed with Hufflepuff. Yet who would ever consider the badgers to be a threat?

"Honey badgers" Draco Malfoy nodded sagely when word reached the Slytherin common room.

Honey badgers. Two little words that, said apart, represent sweetness, friendliness. Put together, however, Malfoy's ensuing sermon revealed how they can paint a horrifying picture. The theme of that picture, at the end of it all, was something that everyone learned and took to heart. Provoke a Friend of Hufflepuff, and you risk Wrath of the Honey Badger!

Inside of Hufflepuff, life went on in a different kind of nervous energy.

"What was I supposed to tell her? No, I wouldn't go Honey Badger to defend my girlfriend?"

Eavesdropping, Harry leaned in as an upper year boy complained to his friends.

The friends made awkward hums at the statement. "Fair. That would make her angry for sure. So what'll you do if someone ever does threaten Vance?"

"I'm trying not to think about it. Why did I ever agree to date a Gryffindor? I'm not cut out for this kind of thing!"

"You'll be fine." A friend patted him on the back. "I guess we can just keep it up? As long as people think the Honey Badger thing is something normal, maybe it'll never happen?"

"Circe, I hope so!"

Harry shifted away from that circle of boys. He turned over to his yearmates, busy as they were reading the upcoming chapter for Charms, and noticed that Sally was listening in as well. "What do you think about all this honey badger stuff?"

"It's kind of fun." Sally admitted. "I'm not used to having people not making comments about my mum being a muggle. Parkinson did it once and she freaked out and apologized for it!"

Kevin and Wayne whistled at the news. "We should have tried something like this sooner." Wayne chuckled.

"It wouldn't have worked this well if we had." Harry pointed out. The others thought it over, nodding slowly as they considered the point. "I like the way those boys are thinking. We should keep it going. Not hurting anyone, of course; but not refuting the rumours either."

"That won't be difficult." Justin commented. "People have been bowing to me in the hallway! Even the few Puffs that were bitten have apologized for 'doubting my lineage'. At this rate I won't be able to convince them otherwise if I tried."

The group offered a range of pitying smiles or laughter at how things have spiralled.

"The Ravenclaws are treating Luna better, too." Lily added. "Not many have approached us; at least when she and I are at the library. Though on our walk around the lake the few we crossed paths with were polite."

"She seems happier, too." Sally added. "Especially with the snake that stayed after Serpa-geddon. Are you really going to do that ritual for her?"

Harry nodded. "For her and Draco." Susan and Ernie visibly scowled at the information. A fact which Harry opted to ignore. "You're welcome to join us, if you'd like."

Sally hummed at the thought. "Maybe. If I take Care of Magical Creatures next year it could be useful. Do you think they have magical snakes in the curriculum?"

"Not sure. That'd be interesting, though. We should ask McCormack or Graves about it next time we see them." The group agreed to the idea, then dropped the subject for more reading.

On the last weekend of the month, Harry gathered the components for the parseltongue ritual and waited out by the greenhouses to meet the initiates.

"Good morning Harry."

Harry smiled at the new arrivals. "Good morning, Luna. Greetings, Scales-like-a-Magpie."

"Greetings, Speaker."

Luna sighed enviously at the exchange. "It will be very nice to talk with Nigel myself once we're done."

Biting back the urge to laugh, Harry nodded at the remark. "For sure. Though you'll need to learn words as you go along. I'm sure Sc- Nigel can help you with that."

"That will be nice."

A short while later the group expanded as Draco rounded the corner. "Good morning, Harry. …Miss Lovegood."

"Mister Malfoy."

"Draco."

Said boy looked around them. "There's no one else joining us, right?"

"No, not this time." Harry answered. "Why? Would that be a problem?"

"Depends on the person." He gave a short, mocking laugh. "Can you imagine Weasley wanting to learn parseltongue?"

Not liking his tone, Harry opted to challenge his ego. "Why not? He's got the talent for it."

Draco's expression fell flat. It was the same annoyed look he had after they did the snake summoning ritual. Out of everyone that hadn't done the parseltongue ritual, Ron had the best gathering of snakes listening to him. A fact that annoyed Draco and Ron when they realized it.

"Whatever. It's not important." Draco muttered petulantly. "Let's get going."

The boy stomped out towards the green. Harry and Luna shared a quick look, shrugged, then followed after him. The group walked in an odd silence. Quickening his pace, Harry moved up to Draco's side. A glance in his direction showed a scowl still on the boy's face.

"You're not that upset about it, are you?"

Draco pouted. A few steps later he muttered again. "I'd be less upset if things went back to normal. All of this honey badger nonsense is spiralling out of control."

"Weren't you the one that told everyone about that?"

Draco grit his teeth. "Well clearly that was a mistake, wasn't it?! Now everyone is cowering as if Puffers will attack them at the slightest offense.

Wait. I know what's bothering him. Harry snorted a laugh. "Are you talking about our quidditch match?" At the question, Draco's face went red with anger. "It wasn't that bad."

"THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY POINTS!" Draco shouted. "Even if I had caught the snitch we would have lost! It's an embarrassment!"

"...Alright, it was that bad."

Luna joined in. "The Slytherin team played much better. Usually they make too many fouls for Madam Hooch to catch."

Draco twisted on the spot. "How dare-!" He shut his mouth just as 'Nigel' gave a loud hiss. "That's not helping the way you think it is, Lovegood."

"Oh? It isn't?"

Biting his upper lip, Draco's face twisted in frustration. Eventually that frustration escaped into a loud groan, then silence. The awkwardness resumed, making Harry want to fidget as they stood before the Whomping Willow. "...You alright?"

"Best not to say." Draco answered quietly. "I'm not about to argue with a witch who's that comfortable having a European adder around her neck."

Harry answered with only a nod. Time to change the subject. "Race you to the tree knot?"

There. That brought a twitch of a smile to Draco's face. "You're on." He crouched low, eyes zeroing in on the trunk. "Get ready to lose."

Monday March 29th, 1993

As Melissa fell into her seat at history of magic, her body was immediately pressed to either side by George and Fred Weasley.

"A query for you, Bennett."

"Marvellous as last month's prank went-"

"-brilliant strategizing if I do say so myself-"

"-we couldn't help but find a wrinkle in our enjoyment of the day."

"Oh?" Was all Melissa said in response to the rhetorical introduction.

One of the twins flourished his hand. "You see, we all signed a pledge that says, and I quote, No prank or practical joke can be damaging enough to cause severe pain, disfigurement, or death."

"-and snake bites, as you can imagine, are quite painful."

"Quite." Melissa nodded.

"Especially with the few venomous ones around."

"-Yet how strange that none of those responsible were hexed as punishment. Which got us thinking-"

"Does it really count as a prank if our own charmed pledge doesn't acknowledge it as a prank?"

"Huh." Melissa looked up in thought. "That's a good question. I suppose, technically speaking, the motivation for it is what matters. Was it instigated for the sake of fun or simple mischief?"

Melissa looked over to one of the boys, catching drooped, pitying eyes; regretting the move instantly. "No." The boy answered, in a tone whose concern unnerved her. Oh, fuck, Harry told them, didn't he?

"Well, there you go." She shrugged. "If that's the case then it wasn't a prank."

"Damn." The other one swore dejectedly. "That means our Prank Of The Year doesn't count."

"To be fair, it wasn't yours to begin with." Melissa replied. "Silver lining, you've got three months to come up with something of your own."

The twin scoffed. "Three months? We can plan something big in three weeks."

"-three days, even."

"Big enough to top planting snakes around the school or spelling Snape into the Sheriff of Nottingham?"

The boys looked incredulous at her. "You think we can't top our own work?"

Melissa matched their gazes. "Boys, you two managed to transfigure his wand and jinx him to recite movie quotes. Literally no one will ever forget that! If you can top that, I will be shocked. I will conjure thrones, smith golden crowns, and inaugurate you in front of the entire school as the Chucklebunny Kings of Pranksters if you can pull off something more amazing than that!"

"IT'S A BET!" They shouted together.

At the front of the class, Professor Binns coughed loudly. "AHEM! Have something you need to share with the class?"

"No, Professor!" They answered in unison.

"Good, now, continuing where we were last off on Urg the Unclean…"