Chapter 16

Alone in the world

Once again, Sanji leaned over his stock of black pepper, hoping to smell their strong aroma, and even closed his eyes to heighten his other senses. In vain. Since the day before, he couldn't smell anything anymore. Everything was bland and odorless; everything had become tasteless and dull. As if the colors of his internal world had disappeared. And at the same time that this light had left him, the courage he had tried to maintain in the face of this new ordeal had also left him.

The cook opened his eyes again and gazed at his worktop without seeing it, on the verge of asphyxiation. Fate had deprived him of two of his senses, but beyond their effective absence, it was the very oxygen his body needed to function that he lacked at this moment.

How could he continue to breathe when cooking had always been the constant of his life and he couldn't do it anymore? Of course, he could still select, cut, peel, bake and arrange his ingredients. He could still make his dishes and offer them to his friends. He knew hundreds of recipes by heart and he could put food together without even thinking thanks to his memory and the strength of his habits.

But he was deprived of all the treasures and creativity that the perfection of this art had revealed in him: he couldn't express himself anymore. He couldn't innovate and show that way his attachment to those he served. Cooking time wasn't the only factor at work when he simmered one of his meals. The quality of a product wasn't the only revealer when he added it to his preparation. Each element was unique and it was very often during its use that the chef had the idea of accompanying it with one or the other of his other ingredients. Because some associations matched the tastes of his friends and he had the intuition of them precisely because he knew the ingredients by heart. Nothing pleased him more than to offer a new dish designed especially for one of them and to see their face light up with each bite.

At this moment, their happiness was his own and he knew that his affection was felt in the thoroughness and time he had devoted to his preparation. It was his way of loving and being happy. It was his way of living and existing.

So if some butters were more flavored than others, if some chocolates had a higher or lower cocoa content or if some fruits turned out to be sweeter depending on the exposure to the sun they had received, he seized the opportunity to surprise and dazzle those he would feed. The list of variations was endless and so was the possibility of recipes that the blond pulled from it.

Being a chef implied developing an impeccable taste based on an association of multiple ideas that only experience had enabled him to acquire. Only, how was he supposed to adjust his preparations to reveal an aspect of his dish if he couldn't smell or taste his ingredients anymore? He was forced to work only on the dishes he knew so as not to be mistaken and still, he usually checked most of the dishes by tasting, if only to make sure of the seasoning. How could he continue to serve his friends properly if he himself didn't feel the passion he always put into his dishes? His whole cooking would be changed and he knew it.

Sanji wasn't a chef anymore. Without the possibility of absorbing his ingredients to reveal their flavors and get the best out of them, he was nothing more than an ordinary cook who settled for assembling the bare minimum. Without ambition. Without emotion. And the worst part was that Sanji was perfectly aware of a particularly terrifying fact: without his main tools, he wouldn't be able to keep his place. He was nobody. He was nothing.

"Sanji, I've got good news!"

A few hours later, the blond turned to his captain who had just entered the galley, a huge smile on his face and his entire crew on his heels. Sanji gently put down the knife he was holding to cut his zucchini and tried to put on a brave face. The cook knew that Chopper had revealed his problem to his friends three days earlier and he had felt paralyzed when he had realized that no one ignored his problem. Acknowledging his failures remained very difficult even today, but he wasn't so stupid as to believe that he could have hidden his condition for a long time.

His crewmates had been understanding and compassionate, surrounding their cook with affection and warmth, kindness and gentleness. In return, Sanji had felt like throwing up. Their tenderness and concern had sent him back to the weak man he had become and he was all the more angry with himself for hating their reactions. His friends didn't reject him and even tried to support him, but he couldn't help but reproach them for their excessive benevolence. He didn't need to be reminded that he wasn't the same anymore and he didn't need to be treated differently. He didn't want to see their overjoyed faces overly praise his dishes at every meal. He didn't want to see each of them taking turns to check that he wasn't about to collapse or that he hadn't started a fire in his galley without realizing it.

He wanted to cook and he wanted to fulfill his role with his crew. Nothing else.

"What's going on?" He asked, forcing a smile on his lips.

"I got Torao on the Den-Den Mushi, he'll be here tomorrow! He's gonna help us know what prevents you from smelling normally and that way, you'll be cured in no time!"

"His skills will really speed up the diagnosis!" Chopper agreed excitedly, "Hopefully, everything will go back to normal very qui-"

"What did you promise him so that he accepts?"

Luffy gazed at his cook's frozen face before shrugging back. "I did what it took."

"Luffy!"

The straw hat boy raised his eyebrows, startled by his cook's sudden outburst, and Franky tried to appease their friend.

"Don't worry about it, bro! The important thing is-"

"What did you promise him?!"

The cook was pale with fury now and his captain looked straight at him, perfectly serious in turn. "All the information we find out from the poneglyphs, Robin will give them to him too."

Sanji stared at him, even paler, before choking in anger. "All-All the information from the poneglyphs?! What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Sanji, Luffy did what he thought was best," Usopp tried to chime in but Luffy interrupted the sniper with a hand gesture, his gaze fixed on that of his cook and Usopp fell silent, uncomfortable.

"I'm the captain and I decided the price was right for me. Robin agreed too. Why is that a problem for you?"

"Why?! Because the indications contained in the poneglyphs are crucial! What if he finds the One Piece before us or sells the data to the highest bidder? What if he becomes the Pirate King because you gave him this information?!"

"He won't be the Pirate King; it's gonna be me," The straw hat boy cut him short firmly.

"What are you talking about? This is madness! Why would you take such risks to heal me, I never asked you to do that!" He got indignant all the more, perfectly furious.

"What's got into you, cook?" The swordsman suddenly growled, taking a step forward. "Luffy made a choice, that's all. Accept it and move on."

The blond turned to him, taken aback. "Accept it? But I can't accept it and even less move on! It concerns me and no one asked my opinion! Call him back", He said, fixing his eyes on Luffy again, "Call him back and tell him you changed your mind, we'll find another solution!"

His captain crossed his arms in front of him, frowning and looking stubborn. "I won't. I decided Torao was gonna help us because it'll save time that way and that's what he's gonna do. I won't change my mind."

Sanji froze in shock. He looked around for any support among his crewmates then but seeing none, he finally turned his attention back to the straw hat boy who was staring at him. A flash of pure rage went right through him and his own gaze became even harder.

"I never asked for it."

"Sanji-kun, please…"

Nami's broken voice made the entire crew turn to the navigator whose tearful eyes begged the cook.

Seeing her, Sanji felt his breath catch and his throat constrict. An awful feeling of deja vu came over him suddenly and he realized his words had been about to go further than his thoughts. Distraught, he clung with a trembling hand to the work plan behind him.

"I-I'm sorry, I… I don't know what came over me."

A few moments of silence stretched across the room and Franky ended up clearing his throat. "It's okay, bro, we understand you're stressed."

"I swear I'll figure it out!" Chopper promised him, on the verge of tears.

Sanji shook his head to collect himself before looking up to see his captain's determined eyes still staring at him. "I thank you for what you do for me and I'll do what you want. I thank you all," He quickly added to his friends, "Lunch will be ready soon but I just need to get some fresh air. I'll be back in a few minutes."

The cook quickly walked past his crewmates to reach the outside with downcast eyes. He felt their eyes following him the whole time and the closed door behind him wasn't enough to put distance between them. Breathing hard, Sanji took refuge on the aft deck where the wind had been blowing hard since the beginning of the day, sliding the Sunny over the sea at top speed. Here, amidst the sound of the waves and the flapping sails from the gusts, no one would hear him scream.

"His olfactory nerve isn't damaged, that's a good sign."

Law glanced over at the blond who had fallen asleep on the bed in the infirmary. Since his arrival a few hours earlier, the surgeon hadn't stopped cutting the blond's brain into tiny slices thanks to his rooms and he had taken dozens of samples to examine them from every angle. Although the examination was particularly strange, Sanji didn't feel anything but he came out exhausted even after the dark-haired man had put all the pieces of his brain back together. Chopper had taken several blood samples then and he had preferred that his patient rest here to watch him.

The little reindeer examined the result of the strip that his counterpart had just handed to him, then shook his head. "I don't understand… There's no trace of physical damage or any virus that would explain the loss of his sense of smell in such a brutal way."

"What about a fracture of the ethmoid bone?" The surgeon asked. "This is an important point of weakness of the skull."

"I checked on the first day; the cribriform plate is in perfect condition."

Law nodded. "For my part, I reviewed the olfactory tracts and nasal cavities. The bulbs and tracts are also of normal appearance, there's no organic lesion visible. Perhaps we should consider a functional disorder."

Chopper looked at his still sleeping patient for a second before turning back to the Heart captain, frowning. "Sanji has a traumatic history and I don't know the details but it seems more reasonable to eliminate all the other hypotheses first," He finally answered. "We didn't look into chemistry and neuroreceptors."

"Are you considering an evolving pathology of which anosmia and ageusia are only the first symptoms?" The other doctor wondered, "It's true that bulbar degeneration isn't immediately visible and it's a recurrent sign of neurodegenerative diseases, but his other examinations are excellent. His body is in perfect health despite his living conditions and even the cigarette didn't damage his lungs."

Silence fell in the room and Chopper took a moment to think before nodding firmly. "I know this kind of verification takes time but we have no choice. Nothing should be overlooked."

Law nodded then grabbed more samples. "Alright. Let's look at his neurons then."

Sanji was gathering the first empty plates of praline brioche he had served for snacks, lost in his thoughts, when the two doctors entered the galley. The crew was finishing eating and everyone paused when they saw them while the blond slowly turned in their direction.

Chopper's smile helped to relax the atmosphere though because since the outburst of their cook, it was quite gloomy and silent. Everyone understood that the loss of the two senses that mattered most to their friend created an unbearable tension in him and his reaction the day before had confirmed their fears: Sanji's morale, already fragile since their departure from Wano, was plummeting dangerously now and his unstable attitude was the immediate result.

"Did you find something?!"

Luffy stared at the two newcomers from the table, his eyes shining, and Chopper nodded as he took a seat alongside his crewmates. For his part, Law just leaned against the wall.

"We've taken a very promising first step! We've located the source of Sanji's loss of sense of smell!" The little reindeer told them excitedly.

"That's awesome! Usopp exclaimed. "What is it?!"

"The mitral cells of his olfactory bulb are paralyzed and no information from the dedicated receptors can pass," Law answered while crossing his arms.

"What does that mean?" Franky asked, frowning.

"Mitral cells are the neurons of the olfactory bulb," Chopper explained, "After integration of the odors, they're the ones that send the information to the brain via its axons."

"Is there a treatment?" Brook wanted to know.

"Maybe but we're not there yet," The ship's doctor admitted, "There are still many unknowns to explore."

"You said that these cells were paralyzed," Jinbei pointed out while turning to the captain of the Heart Pirates. "Why?"

"Good question. I've never encountered such a case, not even in literature," The surgeon answered.

"Me neither," The little reindeer confessed, "But it's okay, the important thing is that we now know where the problem lies so we can work on a solution!" Chopper turned to the blond then, a beaming smile on his lips, and Sanji felt compelled to answer him in the same way even though his tense face betrayed his true thoughts.

"Do you have any hypotheses as to the reasons for this paralysis?" Robin inquired.

"I have several," The surgeon approved, declining the slice of brioche that Sanji had just handed him. "Neurodegenerative disease, neuropsychiatric disorder, contaminating external agents. Everything is possible actually."

"How long?" Zoro asked.

"No idea. It's even quite possible that we'll never be able to know the reasons for this pathology."

"That's why I'm gonna focus on a treatment and Law is gonna try to determine the origin of the disease," The little reindeer chimed in, mindful of his patient's morale. "Considering the etiology of a disease is interesting because it often allows a better understanding of its mechanisms, but there are many whose origin remain unknown and it doesn't prevent treatment from being effective!"

"I need you to undergo some more examinations as soon as you can," Law said in the direction of the blond who nodded. "I'll join you as soon as I've finished the dishes."

"We can do it for you!" Usopp suggested enthusiastically. "The sooner we know what's wrong, the sooner you'll heal!"

"I want to do the dishes, I won't be long," The cook insisted, turning to his sink and looking gloomy. "But I appreciate the offer."

"O-Of course."

Usopp grimaced before sharing a look with Franky who shook his head. The sniper had meant well but doing the dishes was now one of the only things Sanji could still do that had to do with cooking. Offering to take it away from him was an obvious lack of tact then and Usopp bit his lip, aware of his blunder.

"Torao, Chopper, we're counting on you!" The straw hat boy suddenly affirmed, staring at them firmly.

"We'll do our best, Luffy!" The little reindeer immediately assured him.

For his part, Law straightened up and left the room to go back to the Sunny's infirmary.

Sanji cast yet another glance at his captain's figure perched on the figurehead, unsure. He had been trying to find the courage to approach him for two days without ever succeeding, but tonight the guilt was becoming unbearable.

The cook took a step in his direction, forcing himself to breathe. He knew that their other crewmates had planned to play cards and he had declined their offer to join them precisely because Luffy wouldn't be participating either. Apart from Zoro who was sleeping somewhere and the two doctors who were still working, this was the opportunity he was waiting for to talk to him without fear of being disturbed.

"Luffy, I want to apologize."

The straw hat boy turned to him before jumping on the deck to face him, clearly surprised, and Sanji bit his lips, forcing himself not to look down. His captain had a knack for reacting in totally unexpected ways whatever the circumstances and this time would probably be no exception.

"You went so far as to ask another pirate crew for help for me and instead of thanking you, I got scared. I was scared to steal your dream and I couldn't stand it." The blond sighed. "I feel really miserable and I realize it's not much, but I wanted to tell you I'm really sorry for doubting you. Again…"

In the end, Sanji looked away from the dazzling figure of his captain surrounded by the setting sun to look at the sea. He felt utterly dejected and a terrible weariness suddenly came over him.

"Even if I never regain my sense of smell and taste, I want you to know that I was the happiest of men to be able to cook and serve the future Pirate King. I won't forget it. Like everything you've done for me."

"Trust Chopper, Sanji."

The intensity of Luffy's gaze on him destabilized the cook who searched for his words for a moment. "I-I trust him. I trust all of you, it's just that… that…"

Emotion suddenly choked him up and he closed his eyes to regain control of himself before opening them again, meeting the peaceful gaze of his captain on him. Seeing him, Sanji's eyes filled with tears.

"This-This is hard, Luffy," He finally admitted in a choked voice, "This is s-so hard I feel like I can't breathe… If I can't cook, wh-what am I gonna do? What's left for me?"

The distress that the cook had been trying to contain for days finally got the better of him and his pain spilled over his cheeks without him being able to stop. He was scared and he hated showing his weaknesses but here, in front of his captain who had already done so much for him, he couldn't hide. Luffy understood him beyond words and he had accepted him for the person he really was, not the person he had been asked to become all his life. If anyone could help him, it was Luffy.

The straw hat boy fixed his determined gaze on his cook's eyes full of tears. "What you have left is us, Sanji. Whatever happens, we'll be with you."

Nami felt her vision blur and she put a hand to her lips in front of the scene unfolding before her eyes. Along with her friends, she had been heading for the aquarium after locating the deck of cards and they had walked past Zoro who was dozing against the wall. As they were about to walk through the door, they had heard Sanji's desperate voice not far from them and everyone had turned their heads in his direction, worried about another confrontation. Yet it had nothing to do with what they had witnessed the day before and the relief that had gripped the navigator had been intense. Indeed, Sanji's tears had clearly the taste of regret and gratitude, and Luffy's resolute gaze participated in a feeling of comfort and absoluteness that their cook sorely needed.

A few seconds later, the straw hat boy's words seemed to surprise the blond when he looked up to contemplate a book Luffy had just handed to him. Sanji studied the cover for a moment before flipping through the pages and Luffy showed him something that made him smile, dispelling the veil of darkness he had wrapped himself in for days.

Definitely reassured, the rest of the crew entered the aquarium and Nami ran a hand over her eyes despite her smile.

"You really were worried about them, weren't you?" Usopp noticed softly as he grabbed a chair and pulled it closer to their gaming table.

"I was, it's… The way Sanji-kun talked to Luffy in the galley yesterday reminded me of their argument on Whole Cake Island," The young woman admitted while sniffling.

"It's true that you were there before I found you in Big Mom's dungeons," Jinbei remembered. "Luffy never specified what happened except that Sanji refused to follow you."

The redhead nodded while grabbing a chair in turn before sitting down.

"Sanji-kun was with his family and he was scared," She whispered, "He blamed us for coming and told us he refused to come back. He said he didn't care about us from the beginning. That he wouldn't stay with third-rate pirates any longer and that Luffy would never become the Pirate King."

A shiver ran through her friends at those words and the navigator shook her head. "He wanted to discourage us and get us to leave but of course, Luffy refused to listen to him."

Everyone had found a chair around the table now and Nami stared at her hands for a moment with sad eyes. This dreadful day was engraved in her memory for eternity and even if she now understood the reason for her crewmate's attitude and she had forgiven him, the horror of what she had seen and experienced at this moment would never leave her.

"Words weren't enough so he switched to fight…"

Her crewmates held their breaths and Nami looked down a bit more.

"Luffy didn't want to leave and Sanji-kun started beating him. I didn't understand how it could have come to this… When we had arrived in sight of the castle, we were so happy to run into him after everything we had been through… Luffy was exhausted, he had just gotten rid of Cracker, one of Big Mom's Sweet Commanders, but it didn't dampen his determination. He… refused to defend himself. Sanji-kun spared no effort to push him back and Luffy took all his kicks without returning a single one. I couldn't believe it… At the end, I couldn't stand it anymore and I started screaming but Sanji-kun didn't listen to me…"

The navigator swallowed, the emotions engulfing her as on the first day.

"Luffy still wasn't moving so I begged him to stop; I swore we were gonna leave but… it wasn't enough. He… set his leg on fire and…"

Nami closed her eyes and the bluish light of the aquarium cast shadows on her pale face when the images of that terrible day flashed before her eyes. When she opened them again, tears were welling up at the corner of her eyelids and her friends around her froze, an icy silence falling among them at the rhythm of her words.

"He-He kicked him again and-and again and I thought… I thought he was gonna kill him," She admitted in a breath. "Luffy ended up fainting and only then did he leave…"

The young woman shook her head to chase away her memories.

"Luffy quickly regained consciousness afterwards and he promised Sanji-kun he wouldn't move until he came back. That's why we got captured. Big Mom sent her troops on us and Luffy ended up falling…"

Sitting outside against the door, Zoro stared at his captain whose enthusiastic figure was leaning towards his cook to better show him a picture of the book he was holding. At one point, he spread his arms as if to embrace the entire ocean and the blond followed his movement with his eyes, clearly captivated. Luffy then added something and Sanji's smile lit up the deck in return.

Zoro felt his hand close on his sword. On the other side of the wooden panel, the dead silence that had taken place not long before was still in place.

Trailer parts 7/16

Yes, it was a depressing chapter and I didn't warn you - surprise!

Well, you're warned for the next one.