Chapter 21

The last straw

Sanji pushed his spoon away in exasperation, glaring at his preparation. He hadn't been getting anywhere since the beginning of the morning, or rather, he didn't know what he was getting at since he was unable to assess what he was making. His problem was really starting to get on his nerves and he cleared his worktop with a sudden movement of his arm that sent his tangerine peelings on the floor along with his still chocolate-stained utensils.

The cook was livid. Two days before, Robin had asked to add a splash of milk to her coffee and the blond had been petrified. The beautiful archaeologist was a fan of black coffee and he had always taken care to offer her the strongest ones. The young woman appreciated its powerful aromas and if she happened to drink it as an accompaniment to a pastry, she never added sugar, spices or milk to her drink.

In front of the blank look on his face, Robin had simply explained that she wanted to temper the taste of her drink but Sanji hadn't been fooled for a second. If the archaeologist wanted to sweeten her coffee, it was because it had been so bitter that even her palate, accustomed to the strongest flavors, couldn't stand it. He had served an undrinkable drink to his princess and his soul as a cook as well as a serving knight had not recovered.

Of course, deep down, the blond had been happy to see that the archaeologist had had the honesty to tell him despite the weight that had fallen in his stomach at that moment. The crew hadn't come to the point of lying to preserve him, but after this comforting observation, reality had caught up with him.

Although he planned his meals and stocked up taking into account his handicap, daily life wasn't as simple as he had hoped. The foods he had selected thanks to Chopper's excellent sense of smell guaranteed their quality but not their taste and Zoro's rather precise comments helped him to adjust the seasonings but it wasn't enough to handle the subtle aromas of creative preparation. All in all, he prepared his meals almost blindly and was forced to rely on luck as much as on his crewmates to succeed.

So the same morning, when Nami had brought tangerines and asked him to make a cake as he was used to, he had found himself faced with a new problem: the fruits of the navigator were particular and with their growing exposed to the capricious climate of the Grand Line, their sweet or tangy taste varied immensely from one picking to another. The redhead had taken care to specify that her tangerines had a rather sweet smell this time and although Sanji had gained an indication in this way, he hadn't been able to prevent the bitterness from invading him at the same time. As he had feared from day one, he had become a cook unable to assess his ingredients on his own and this aspect was so cruel that Sanji felt his heart twitch painfully every time.

The day before, he hadn't been able to refrain from asking Chopper about his research on an antidote and the little reindeer had shown him his latest experiments. The doctor had isolated the strain of the bacteria and was studying the effects of his various treatments carefully, which kept him awake almost non-stop. Sanji had then felt the guilt overwhelmed him when the doctor hadn't missed his disappointment when he had learned that the little reindeer hadn't conducted any conclusive trial so far. Chopper no longer spent a minute outside the infirmary and except at meal times, he worked tirelessly for his friend so complaining about his lack of results was particularly inappropriate.

The cook's defeated face had betrayed him because he felt truly exhausted, physically and mentally. The nervous tension he was feeling since the beginning of all this had made him lose the little sleep he still had since their departure from Wano and his appetite had disappeared at the same time as his taste and sense of smell. His personal experience forced him to continue to eat nonetheless, but his dishes no longer had any flavor for his sick palate and each preparation was as tasteless as the previous one, reinforcing his gloom and resentment.

In the midst of this constant despondency, what was costing him the most energy was keeping a semblance of a smile on his lips in front of his friends though. He was just hoping each day that Chopper would come closer to the solution to his problem. If he had been alone, the blond knew that he would have broken down a long time ago, consumed by pain and injustice. But for his crewmates, he tried to maintain his personal and professional routines and this mindset had allowed him not to fall apart. Everyone on the Sunny was trying to support him in this ordeal and he had no right to give up.

Slowly picking up his utensils before cleaning the now chocolate-stained floor, Sanji forced himself to regain his composure to resume his preparation. Chopper was the best doctor he knew; he would soon find a cure. And thus, in a short time, the cook would recover all his abilities and this ordeal would only be a bad memory…

The dishes put away in his cupboards, Sanji checked the time before loosening his tie wearily. He needed a break before considering making snacks and more so the dinner. Lunch had passed without incident though and the chocolate and mandarin cake he had served for dessert had achieved unanimity. Yet the blond didn't know if he had imagined Chopper's enthusiastic face as if the dose of sugar had been too high or if Nami had really enjoyed the cake when she had mentioned the unique taste that her fruits brought.

Either way, the cook felt more than ever the fatigue creeping into his body and his pack of cigarettes carefully clutched in his hand, he headed for the deck.

With the exception of Chopper and Robin who had settled in the library to continue the research of the little reindeer, the whole crew was already here and the blond ignited the flame of his lighter before leaning back against the wall near the aquarium, sheltered from the wind. He closed his eyes then, letting the timid rays of the sun warm his cold skin as the nicotine finally relaxed him.

From where he was, he heard the voices of Franky and Jinbei chatting about the quality of the Sunny's wood and that of Usopp describing his new invention to Luffy. The rest of his crewmates were silent. Indeed, Nami was immersed in a book, Brook was taking care of his violin near the railing and Zoro had fallen asleep against the mast. Their next destination wouldn't take too long according to the navigator and they had visibly escaped Onigumo's hunt on the last island. Everything was going well.

The atmosphere was serene and Sanji took a deep breath to relax despite the latent unease that was overcoming him. Indeed, for the first time in his life, the prospect of cooking seemed burdensome and he didn't want to imagine for a single second that his new condition was really going to deprive him of his purpose in life. He really needed to release the permanent pressure he had locked himself in and he decided that he could go swimming as Chopper had suggested. The sea had been quite choppy these past few days, but on the next island, he might be lucky enough to enjoy the beach if the weather wasn't too bad.

The cook was breathing out slowly, his eyes absentmindedly resting on the sea, when he got suddenly out of breath and he coughed to spit out the rest of his smoke, surprised. He noticed that his heart was pounding in his chest then and soon, his breathing was racing. Sanji immediately felt panic creep into him: he was having a panic attack on the Sunny, right in the middle of the deck and among all his crewmates!

The blond swallowed and his cigarette quivered in his fingertips. He needed to go away right now but he already felt his legs weaken and the horizon dilute as if his mind was focusing on his feelings. His hands were getting sweaty and the cold crept into his bones despite the mild temperature.

"You feeling okay, bro?"

Sanji slowly turned to the cyborg who was looking at him over his sunglasses, frowning from the other side of the deck. He then realized that his cigarette had slipped from him and it was burning the green grass of the Sunny. He hadn't even noticed.

"I-Yes, I… Uh…"

The cook bent down as best he could to pick it up and almost fumbled to locate it. When he stood up again, he really staggered before catching himself on the wall behind him and his confused look drew even more attention to him.

"You look really pale, Sanji, are you sure you're alright?"

This time, the blond turned his head towards Usopp and understood that the sniper and his captain stared at him in turn, waiting for an explanation. Yet he found himself unable to answer. He understood the words addressed to him but the reality suddenly seemed much too far away and he had the impression of being in a dream which prevented him from reacting as he wished.

Now everyone was staring at him and Sanji felt panic take precedence over his reason. His vision was blurring from the pounding of his heart and his breathing was labored. Black dots began to dance before his eyes and the world closed in on him.

"Don't just stand there, cook."

Zoro suddenly appeared in his field of vision and roughly grabbed him by the arm to pull him forward. Sanji gazed at him without seeing him, stumbling to follow, and behind them, Nami's voice rose.

"Shouldn't we call Chopper?" She asked the swordsman worriedly.

"He's fine, he just needs to sit down for a minute. He tries too hard, as usual."

Without giving his friends time to reply, the swordsman pushed the blond towards his galley and if he placed himself closer to the cook than usual to climb the stairs, his crewmate just moved forward without asking questions.

"Breathe, you idiot."

"I know."

"So do it."

Zoro had seated the cook on a chair when they had arrived before stubbing out the blond's cigarette in the ashtray on the table for him. The blond had immediately pressed his hands over his eyes to clear his mind and try to catch his breath. After several minutes of this exercise though, he was still struggling to regain a normal rhythm and Zoro had ended up grabbing a chair to sit down beside him.

The swordsman frowned as he watched his crewmate attempt to take deep breaths. He had known Sanji was having a panic attack the second he had laid eyes on him when Usopp had called out to him. At that moment, he had immediately recognized his cloudy gaze and stiff posture, just like on Kurta.

It hadn't taken him long to make a decision either. Sanji also felt bad because all the crew's attention was on him and this effect added to his stress. He knew that the blond suffered from his image as a damaged cook with his crewmates and taking him away from them until he regained his senses had seemed the best solution.

If his idea had seemed to work at the beginning, over the minutes, this impression had fallen apart though. Indeed, the cook didn't calm down and the fencer cast a glance towards the door.

"Chopper isn't far, he could help." Sanji shook his head strongly, his fists still pressed over his eyes, and Zoro sighed. "Okay so what did he tell you to do when that happens?"

Despite the muscle spasms that shook his whole body, the blond loosened his jaw to answer him. "P-Picture a pleasant place and describe… describe my feelings."

"Oh. Does it work?"

"What do you think, mosshead?" The cook hissed, breathing hard.

"Do you even try?" The swordsman replied in the same tone.

Sanji suddenly dropped his hands on the table and he fluttered for a moment to get used to the light again. Very quickly however, he fiercely grabbed his hair, furious with himself.

"It's not working! It-It's not working! It is not working!"

"Hey oh, calm down. Stop pulling your hair out, you aren't gonna feel better."

To support his words, the swordsman grabbed Sanji's hands and pressed them firmly on his thighs, which were still jerking because of the stress. The blond's nails immediately dug into his own pants and the fencer frowned even more.

"I can't do this… I'll never be able to cook again and I'm gonna have to leave the crew… I can't do this…"

The swordsman stared at his crewmate, dumbfounded. Then he saw him try to hide behind his hands again, and he suddenly lost patience.

"Okay, that's enough. Let's stop playing that game now."

As he spoke, Zoro trapped the cook's hands in one of his own while the other violently grabbed the blond's chin to force Sanji to look at him, his own eyes flashing with anger.

"Why have you been sabotaging yourself like this for weeks? What's your problem? Why are you driving yourself crazy for something like that?!"

"Fo-For something like that?!"

Sanji abruptly tore himself from the fencer's forced embrace and his chair fell to the floor when he got up to escape Zoro, as if burned alive.

The blond awkwardly stepped back towards the wall to lean on it then, his breath shorter than ever. His heart was racing in his chest under the surge of emotions and his chest was now heaving at a frantic pace. Still sitting on his chair, Zoro didn't move, watching him impassively. At this sight, Sanji's anger exploded.

Without warning, he pounced on the fencer in an attempt to make him eat his words with kicks. Words so destructive they pierced his heart and ravaged his mind. Words that he refused to hear but whose implicit meaning was weighing on him and that he couldn't bear anymore. His right foot ignited in a flash and the swordsman barely had time to draw his blade to protect himself. The chair between them shattered against the infirmary door as the cook pounced on the fencer again, blinded with rage.

Zoro parried the following kicks nimbly. The blond's anger increased his abilities tenfold and Sanji was already a formidable opponent in normal times but given his condition, the swordsman knew that he would end up having the upper hand. So he remained perfectly focused and avoided his attacks more than he returned them, watching for the first sign of weakness from the blond. It didn't take long to appear and Sanji soon stumbled back, barely holding on to the table so as not to collapse. His legs weren't supporting him anymore and his body was shaking all the time now. He shook his head to try to recover though.

Zoro didn't make a move to intervene, either to help him or to take advantage of it, and Sanji turned to the silent figure who had been judging him for too long, furious.

"My cooking is all I have, okay?! If I can't cook, I have nothing! I am nothing!"

The blond pounced on him again and this time, Zoro stepped aside to bring his sword down on his back, completely taking his breath away. Sanji staggered, unable to reply, and the swordsman kicked him away until the cook's back hit the galley wall with a thud.

The fencer observed the figure of the cook who was shaking with rage and pain in front of him then. His erratic breathing was wearing him down a little more every second and Zoro shook his head, sliding his blades back into their sheaths.

"You idiot. I was talking about your family, not about your cooking."

Sanji froze to stare at him, eyes wide, before slowly sliding down the wall to the floor, exhausted. His gaze caught that of the swordsman and he opened his mouth to answer but the words never crossed the barrier of his lips. The little oxygen he still had finally escaped him and he slipped into unconsciousness.

Standing beside him, Chopper glanced at his captain whose gaze was on his cook resting in the bed in the infirmary.

Alerted by the shouting and struggle in the galley, the crew members on deck had come running, expecting the worst. They had discovered the cook passed out against one of the walls and the motionless fencer staring at him, his gaze dark. The straw hat boy had then picked up his crewmate's unconscious body while Usopp had run off to fetch the little reindeer.

Chopper had questioned the swordsman in the privacy of the infirmary while he had checked the constants of his patient afterwards. With his statements, the doctor had deduced that Sanji had hyperventilated but to be sure, he had checked the integrity of his lungs. Indeed, the artificial bacteria that the surgeon of death had identified should have moved throughout his body and so far, Sanji had been spared but the ship's doctor didn't want to take any chances. In the end, he was reassured. He had concluded that the additional stress because of his fight against the fencer as much as all the emotion that it had sparked had got the better of his already destabilized organism. Exhausted, the blond had collapsed.

Finally, Chopper had placed a paper bag over Sanji's mouth and nose to help him recover normal carbon dioxide levels faster and the cook had quickly got some of the color back in his cheeks. His breathing had become deeper and he had fallen asleep. In front of his exhausted face, the doctor had decided to let him sleep and Zoro had left the room without a word to make way for his captain.

"I think he's going to sleep for a while, he needs it."

Luffy just nodded and the little reindeer sighed.

"I was wondering…"

The doctor bit his lip, his eyes fixed on their friend, and the straw hat boy looked at him questioningly.

"There's no major progress regarding an antidote for Sanji. I'm doing my best but it's very advanced technology that I don't know about."

Chopper let his gaze observe carefully the exhausted body of his patient, saddened.

"Sanji experiences the normal consequences of losing his sense of smell and taste, but given his emotional fragility from before, it's affecting his morale even more. I'm afraid he'll fall into a major state of depression if he doesn't find some balance in the next few days…"

"What can we do?" His captain asked, attentive.

The little reindeer looked up at him. "Do you think Law could come back and help us? I'm afraid I won't be fast enough on my own…"

The emotional roller coaster isn't over, we're even getting closer to the peak!

In the meantime, I hope you're doing well and still enjoying this story.