Millions of Years Ago…
"Awaken, Oogar. It is time."
Oogar gave out an exhausted groan as he pulled the heap of animal pelts that off of him before cracking his neck slightly. The boy rubbed his eyes to adjust his vision, slowly lifting himself onto the ground before a wooden bowl was handed out in front of him, one that was filled near the brim with a water-like substance with herbs floating on the surface. Holding said bowl was Urgora, who had knelt down to properly face the child at even height.
"Drink." Urgora instructed, leading to the young Neanderthal taking the bowl from her clutches and bringing it to his lips. He tipped the bowl downwards and began to empty the bowl's contents, gulping away until all that was left was a liquid ring that rested at the well's bottom. Upon downing the substance, Oogar's face convulsed with disgust before gagging, dropping the bowl to cover his mouth while Urgora instinctively grabbed onto Oogar's shoulders.
"Keep it in, Oogar. Let it all go down…" She calmly encouraged while Oogar quivered with revulsion from the medicine's rancid taste but thanks to sheer willpower, he prevented himself from vomiting the substance. Exhaling with relief, wiping his lip of any excess liquid that remained. It had been days since he was taken in by Urgora, spending most of his time in her hut to recuperate.
"How does Oogar feel?…" Urgora asked with concern, looking him dead in the eye. Oogar's eyes flicked down on the scar that stretched out on his abdomen. Serving as a reminder of what happened on that cold night, a twinge surged within his gut. His mouth twitched slightly, his features shifting into that harrowed expression as he could still feel the winter air cutting into him from all directions.
"B-Better." Oogar stammered, making an attempt to collect himself as to not break in front of his tribe leader. Urgora quickly gave Oogar a warm hug, to which he immediately returned the favor, clinging on tight. This gesture of affection wouldn't last for too long as Urgora let go and rose back to her full height, her eyes darting over to the tent's opening.
"Oogar should be good enough to leave. Urgora think it's time for Oogar to see what lays ahead." The chieftain said, making her way to the hut's entrance and pulling back the two vestibules aside.
"DAG! COME!" Urgora shouted in a demanding tone of voice, waiting by the entrance for Dag's arrival. In a brief period of time, the young neanderthal came into the hut by the commands of his leader, adjusting his baboon skull helmet.
"Yes, Urgora?" He asked, continuing to fiddle around with his helmet though it seemed he couldn't get it to properly fit. Urgora sighed with annoyance before reaching out and helping Dag correct the skull's positioning.
"H-Hey! Dag almost had it!" The skinnier neanderthal muttered with embarrassment, the chieftain rolling her eyes in annoyance to her tribesman's statement before directing his attention to Oogar.
"Urgora will be heading south for a hunt. Dag stay on Haven to guard." Urgora instructed, making her way to a flat rock that displayed various weapons ranging from knives, throwing axes, and even a pair of gloves that bore the fangs of sabretooth cats, now fashioned into blades.
"Dag will also show Oogar our tribe. Urgora think it's time for him to join." The muscular woman said, arming herself with the gloves along with a few knives on hand.
"What?! Why Dag have to take care of him!?" Dag retorted, frustrated that his chief was giving him the task of babysitting an outsider than exploring the perilous lands that stretched out beyond the comfort of his familiar grounds. "Can't Oogar learn on his own. He look old enough for it!"
"Dag." Urgora responded bluntly, placing her mammoth helmet atop her head before turning to face her subordinate. Dag felt Urgora's fiery stare burn into him, one that sent a jolt in his heart.
"That boy lost everything in the cold. We don't leave anyone to die, even if they aren't us. He is part of our tribe and you will show respect..." The chieftain said to her disciples in a firm voice as Dag glanced over to Oogar, reflecting on the terrible condition he was in when they first found him.
"Y-Yes... Urgora." Dag said with a solemn nod. Urgora turned to the hut's exit, but not before shifting her attention over to Oogar, who anxiously awaited any orders from the chief.
"Oogar. I leave in the hands of Dag. Be good, child." Urgora said, warmth resonating in her voice before she brushed past the tent's vestibules, leaving the two young neanderthals alone in the tent. The scrawny tribal sighed before approaching the exit, turning to face his newly-aquatinted tribesman.
"Come. You have much to see." Dag beckoned before pulling the vestibules to the outside. Apprehensive at first, Oogar was unsure if he truly wanted to leave the comfort of this hut to see what lay outside the threshold. He took a few careful steps towards Dag, who did his best to keep his patience afloat. Even with a cloud of doubt casting over his acumen, curiosity got the better of him as he peeked out from the tent.
Right when he set foot outside the hut, Oogar's eyes widened to what was laid out before him. A settlement that ran rampant with tribals of different shapes and sizes moving about through their home territory, all of whom bore animal skulls much like Urgora and Dag along with swirl-like patterns that were painted onto their bodies. Carcasses of elk and bores were hauled in by six to ten men while meat belonging to mammoths was dragged in from sleighs pulled by rope.
Near the settlement was a brook that ran down for miles where tribals gathered their waterskins and submerged their pouches in the flowing stream to harness its refreshing water though others opted to wade in the river to spear any fish that swam by to make for a good meal. A training session also seemed to be taking place in the settlement where older tribals demonstrated hunting techniques to their followers, thrusting their spear with a few jabs before ending it off with an overhead swing.
Hunting and training weren't the only events to take place in this, adolescents gathered around large rock formations to draw whatever they pleased onto the craggy surface. Ranging from artistic depictions of successful hunts to various animals that they had witnessed throughout their journey in life. Younglings were all seated in a big circle, listening to the stories told by their elders about the legends that were passed on from one generation to the next. Oogar was baffled by what he was seeing, people from all around these primordial lands, all banded together in a single, big community. One where members not only thrived off survival but reveled in what serenity life had to offer.
"Welcome, Oogar," Dag said with a whole-hearted smile, unwavering pride fluctuating within his tone. "To our family."
The Hazbin Hotel...
Weeks had gone by after the attack on Malphas's fortress and while the media was still clamoring for more details regarding the incident, it was not as prevalent as it was prior. With Malphas out of the equation and city blocks undergoing much-needed repairs from the damages, mostly funded by Raum and Charlie, there was hopeful wishing that the hotel could finally move on from this whole ordeal and its entirety.
Today seemed like another slow day for the hotel, Charlie and Vaggie were finishing up a brainstorming session for hotel advertisements alongside rehabilitation methods with the assistance of Alastor, much to Vaggie's displeasure. Meanwhile, Niffty was nowhere to be found and Husk was barely keeping himself awake and sober in the bar. Most of the refugees from Malphas's dungeon had either returned home to their families, though some opted to stick around for a little while. However, in the hotel's media room, two guests were currently spending their precious time by wasting it.
Laid onto the sofa, Oogar and Angel Dust were simply lounging about with nothing else better to do. The Malphas incident had caused a stir of epic proportions and knowing that Oogar, despite his evolving intellect, wouldn't have the proper mindset to handle the public incursion, Charlie and Vaggie figured it would be best to have their newly adopted son lay low for the time being. Oogar didn't seem to mind this decision that much, there was still much for him to learn although, every now and again Oogar felt rather enervated from staying in the hotel and it seemed that was the case here.
Because of Oogar's immense size, he took up the whole couch with Angel having to lay onto the caveman's furry torso with the clicker sloppily pointed at the television. The pornstar surfed through channel after channel, though it seemed that nothing on the tube was tickling his fancy. Sighing with annoyance, Angel turned the TV off and haphazardly tossed the remote aside. The spider demon proceeded to bury his face into Oogar's chest while a long groan escaped his lips, one that was partially muffled by the caveman's fur.
"...God fuckin' dammit." Angel muttered under his breath, slowly lifting his head to face Oogar, who was fast asleep while thunderous snores blew through his bushy beard. Lowering his head and resting his chin, the arachnid gave out an aggravated whimper. Lately, the spider had been in a slump. He had been staying up later than usual for 'freelance work', leading him to wake up drowsy and inert. Coupled with Charlie and Vaggie getting on his case as well as having to keep his services on the down-low, all of which served to stress him out to a larger degree.
Reaching for his pocket, Angel pulled his phone out and pressed the home button. The screen's light flickered on and the very thing he saw was a notification that read:
'3 Unread Messages from Valentino.'
Angel felt his shoulder tense up while trepidatious pain was starting to set in as he hesitantly unlocked his phone. His grasp on his cellular device was starting to shake as the spider held the phone to his face, reading the three messages that were sent out to him.
"Angel cakes, where tf are you?"
"You better have a good fucking reason for going silent on me like this"
"ANSWER ME SLUT!"
The spider was beginning to hyperventilate with every word readout, he could feel the air becoming still while a familiar voice and scent was starting to invade his senses. A peal of taunting laughter seemed to echo all throughout the room and the wind carried a toxic smoke-like scent that seemed to stifle the arachnid. With a surge of panic taking hold of his rationale, Angel deleted the number from the messaging app before it could escalate any further. Having removed the number, a sense of relief soon washed over the pornstar, who dropped his phone and collapsed his head against Oogar's fur.
"Uuugh... Shit, this sucks..." Angel moaned to himself, his conscious free of intrusive thoughts for the time being. Right when he was about to drift off into sleep, Charlie stepped into the room to see him and Oogar laying about doing nothing.
"Hey, you two! I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Charlie quietly greeted them with enthusiasm, waving the two hello. Angel sneered at Charlie's chipper demeanor before turning his head away from her. Charlie gave out a nervous chuckle in response before stepping into the room, hoping to lighten things up. She made her way to the couch, reaching out and gently grasping his shoulder.
"Pssst... Rise and shine, son! Time to get up!" Charlie whispered, kneading at the caveman's arm. The Mammoth demon slowly awoke to the gentle call of his adopted mother, extending his massive hand out.
"Ouraugh... Hello, mama..." The caveman muttered, before gently pulling Charlie closer to him. Softly grazing the hotel owner's blond hair, his palm resting against Charlie's rosy cheek. The Princess of Hell's lips cracked into a gleaming smile as she leaned down and kissed Oogar right on the forehead.
"Hey there, sleepyhead! How are you feeling?" Charlie asked before softly rubbing her son's ginormous hand, her head practically fitting right in the mammoth's palm.
"Oogar...mrmph... okay..." Oogar said, feeling an itching sensation around his left shoulder. The caveman started to scratch at it, his fingernails skidding through his fur. As Oogar continued to scratch, a dark pink hand jutted from the caveman's shoulder. Charlie jumped back from the sight while Oogar yelped out surprise, which in turn, startled Angel as he fell from Oogar's chest and onto the hardwood floor with an audible 'THUNK'. Emerging out from Oogar's shoulder, Niffty crawled her way onto the caveman's abdomen.
"Ah! Nothing like a good power nap to keep you in check!" Niffty said with a slight yawn, popping her neck and stretching her quads. Before leaving the room, she looked over to Oogar and gave him a thumbs up.
"Thanks for the resting spots like always, big guy!" The cyclopean thanked with a nod, A smile formed beneath Oogar's beard as the giant reached out and pat the smaller demon on the head. Niffty let out a quiet giggle before leaping off the couch, darting to wherever in the hotel that needed cleaning or a rat purge.
"So that's where she was hiding..." Charlie said to herself before turning to Oogar. "Anyways, sorry to intrude on your sleep Oogar but I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Hmm... What Charlie need?" Oogar replied, curiously tilting his head.
"Vaggie and I were talking about you and we figured that since everything revolving around that whole 'Bird Man' debacle is starting to calm down, you finally can get to explore outside the hotel!" Charlie announced, the Neanderthalian demon's eyes widening with surprise, exidetly perking his head.
"R-Really?" Oogar said, a spark of delirium gradually reinvigorating within him. "Oogar can get to go out?"
"That's right! Which leads me to you, Angel." Charlie said, directing her attention to the spider demon, who was currently lifting himself back onto the floor and dusting himself off after falling.
"Charlie, I'm not in the mood for you to talk my ears off about my 'nightly debaucheries' for the hundredth time..." Angel groaned, folding all four of his arms.
"Actually, I was here to talk to you about something else." Charlie proposed while Angel was about to seat himself onto Oogar's abomen. "I figured as a way for you and Oogar to connect, I am going to let the two of you go on a personal outing together!"
"W-What!?" Angel said, springing himself right back up before hitting Charlie with a glare. "Why you dumpin' your overgrown carpet of a son onto me?! I'm pretty sure Captain Caveman here can take care himself without bashing someone's brains in 'wit a club."
"I'm sorry, Angel but unfortunately, Vaggie and I are going to be very busy and nobody else seemed to be available," Charlie gave her reasoning while Vaggie walked in on three. "Besides, this could be a chance for the two of you to build a relationship by spending quality time together."
"Hon, I understand your intentions and everything but I don't know if it's a good idea to let Oogar be alone with Angel. Besides, you already know what happened last time." Vaggie chimed in with her personal thoughts. Charlie's mind raced back to when the two of them snuck out of the hotel against her wishes and got tangled up in that cataclysmic battle with that giant robot, uncertainty starting to leak into his consciousness.
"I know, Vaggie. But then again, Oogar barely had a grasp on modern society. Now that he was given ample time to adapt, I'm sure he'll know better than to get into any sort of conflict." Charlie defended, walking over to Oogar before giving him a gentle head pat.
"Besides, Oogar would know better than to start a fight!" The Hotel Owner said with a warm smile while Oogar gave out a low, joyful bellow. Vaggie's doubtfulness started to subside, unable to keep her stoic demeanor as she approached her son and started to scratch the underside of his chin. The mammoth couldn't help but giggle from all the adoration that he was receiving. Angel, however, scoffed at this display of affection.
"Ugh, could you two be mushy about your fifteen-foot caveman somewhere else?" He rudely spat, his eyes flicking the other direction. "Besides, I don't got the time to babysit him either."
"You know Angel, Charlie and I can always charge extra for your room if you're unwilling to cooperate…" Vaggie said with a light smirk, putting her hands on her hips. Angel froze in response to that statement, clenching his fists tight to a point of shaking while his features morphed into a furious scowl.
"You cheap, no good, hustlin' hussies..." Angel snarled between his teeth, while he wanted to chew their ears off, Angel also wasn't in the position to pay double the rent. After a not-so-thorough weighing of options, the arachnid had no other choice but to embark on this excursion.
"FUCKIN' FINE! Let's just get this shit over and done with..." Angel shouted before leaving the room in a huff, muttering all sorts of profanities in his mother tongue along the way. "A buon mercato culo MILFS... Non posso lasciarmi riposare, devono solo lasciarmi andare a fare una passeggiata con il loro sasquatch domestico. La prossima cosa che mi chiederanno e ' di cambiare il pannolino a quello stronzo..."
"Well, son, you ready to get going?" Vaggie asked her son, to which, Oogar responded by pulling himself off the sofa before cracking his back to correct his stature.
"Yep! Oogar more than ready!" The caveman declared, though right as he was about to exit the room, a thought occurred to him when overhearing Angel's Italian ramblings. "Oogar confused though..."
"What seems to be the problem, big guy?" Charlie inquired.
"What is this... MILF that Angel talk about?" Oogar brought up, a sensation of dread washing over his adoptive parents from the question he had asked. Charlie and Vaggie knew the answer but looking into their son's innocent eyes, the truth would've left him scarred for life.
"Oh, y'know... I-It's uh... Well, the thing is... Vaggie, you're more familiar with this kind of stuff! W-Why don't you uh... explain it to him." The Princess of Hell said, passing the burden onto her girlfriend. The Hispanic demoness couldn't help but feel her soul nearly leave her body, now being tasked with such a nightmarish disclosure of information.
"...Um... Mammoths... is... like..um... FAJITAS!" The Hotel Manager yelped, her eye darting back to Charlie as the two prayed that this statement would work. Oogar looked down at his mothers with a blank expression, the gears in his head starting to tick.
"Hmm... So, what you're saying is that Oogar is like a Fajita?" The caveman questioned, tugging at his beard.
"Holy shit. He actually bought it," Vaggie said to herself only to be nudged by Charlie in order to keep the act going. "I mean, yeah! Of course, you are, what else would you not be?"
"Oh... Okay!" The caveman said before scooping both Vaggie and Charlie off the ground, giving them a quick hug before he promptly situated them back onto the ground before running off after Angel. "Bye Mamas! Oogar will be back before moonrise!"
"O-Of course! Be sure to let Angel call us if anything happens, remember to avoid eating anything off the ground!…" Charlie waved her son goodbye while Vaggie covered her mouth, still perplexed that her false statement actually worked.
"You'll turn green and die! Don't worry mama, Oogar know!" The caveman called out right as he was about to leave the hotel with Angel. The moment they heard the door click open and shut, Charlie and Vaggie collectively sighed with relief having dodged such a bullet.
"That was close…" Charlie said, wiping a trail of sweat off of her brow.
"Charlie, I dread whatever challenges parenthood has cursed upon us." Vaggie said with trepidation.
"We'll… touch on that, Vaggie…" Charlie replied, cupping her mouth and chin in a worried manner. "Hopefully never..."
Pentagram City...
It had finished raining in Pentagram City recently, a misty cloud of rainwater vapor was beginning to fog up the city streets. The red skies of hell were masked by dark clouds while a petrichor wafted through the city streets from fresh rainfall. Most of the water hadn't fully evaporated yet, leaving behind wet patches amongst the street's cement. Oogar and Angel had left the warm confines of the hotel to traverse the city streets, although Angel appeared to be disinterested with his arms folded and his eyes fixated to the ground below.
Oogar displayed greater enthusiasm compared to his sour friend, striding along the sidewalk in a lively manner. He gazed upon the passing buildings and signs with amazement as if it was the first time he had dwelled on the city streets. Glancing over at Angel, the caveman was put off by his bitter demeanor.
"Why Angel mad?" Oogar asked, garnering a huff from the spider demon.
"Because I didn't want to do this shit in the first place, haven't I made THAT obvious?" Angel frustratedly snapped, his gaze averted from the prehistoric demon.
"Awww... But Angel, today is good day! It stopped raining and air fresh! Very fresh!" Oogar exclaimed before inhaling deeply to soak up the crisp, hellish air… Only to immediately break into a violent coughing fit, forcing the mammoth demon to cover his mouth.
"ACK… Woaughh… Bad idea. The air lied." Oogar murmured before emitting several more coughs before shaking his head to help tether him back to his senses.
"Well, big guy, all I wanted to do was sit on my ass and do jack shit. Maybe trip balls on a few shrooms laying around but of course, I can't have that…" Angel groaned before pulling out a cigarette pack and a lighter from individual coat pockets, holding the pack in his left hand and the lighter in the left.
"But why Angel so glum? He not like that." The caveman replied whilst Angel flicked a cigarette from its flimsy container and popped it into his mouth while trying to strike up the flame on his lighter in his other hand. After a few tries, the lighter successfully ignited as he brought it to the cigarette's end.
"Can't alwasch keep a schmile on, bud…" Angel said with the cigarette in his mouth, proceeding to take a long pull. Due to his words being slightly muffled by the cigarette, the caveman didn't properly articulate the pornstar's message.
"What?…" Oogar replied with confusion, tilting his head at Angel's statement. The arachnid removed the cigarette from his mouth before a plume of mephitic smoke blew out from his maw while the noxious scent of tobacco infused itself with the wind.
"I said I can't always keep a smile on…" Angel replied with a soft exhale. "If ol' Strawberry Pimp says you're never fully dressed without one then I'm bare fuckin' naked."
"Okay... But Oogar still doesn't know why." The caveman replied with a hint of concern in his voice, proceeding to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder.
"What make Angel not smile?" Oogar hit Angel with another question, the arachnid taking another puff from his cigarette before taking the mammoth demon's inquiry into consideration. The spider-like demon turned to the behemoth and by the looks of it, he was about to answer his question but nothing came out. He had the words he needed, Oogar offered him the opportunity to speak his mind, it was all right there but something prevented him from letting it all spill.
"I... Uh... Well, the thing is..." Angel struggled to find the words for it while Oogar anticipated a response, leaning in slightly. The spider grew increasingly frustrated when he was unable to say what needed to be said as he shouted with frustration before throwing his cigarette to the ground.
"Ugh! Just forget it, forget it. Okay? Don't even worry about it." Angel said bluntly pushing Oogar's hand off of his shoulder before stomping onto the cigarette butt, twisting his foot to insure that he extinguished the flame. It was clear to Oogar that something was eating at him but the spider was holding out the caveman.
"A-Are... You su-"
"Yes, I'm fuckin' sure!" Angel interrupted, a sharp defensive air resonating in his tone. "Besides, you should know better than to poke around shit you clearly don't understand. Hopefully, that'll be something that your mommies will teach ya…"
"B-But Oogar want to-" Oogar was interrupted when Angel brought a hand up to the Neanderthal's lip, silencing him.
"Just drop it, already! I got my problems to worry about and one of them is not dealing with a nosey jackass like you so just fuckin' zip it..." Angel growled, making it painstakingly clear to Oogar that he was in no mood to talk. Accepting the arachnid's decision, Oogar backed down albeit hesitantly.
"Okay..." The caveman sighed, glancing to the floor for a second before directing his sights back to Angel. "But... Oogar can listen to Angel if he needs to."
"Thanks but no thanks." Angel simply said before lighting himself another cigarette, easing the tension with a good pull before blowing out another smoke cloud from his mouth. With nothing else to say or add, Oogar kept plodding along with Angel following by his side. The caveman could tell just from the look in the spider's eyes that something was on his mind that left him distraught and he was holding out on him, but not wanting to stir up a feud, he remained silent. The two continued on with their stroll wordless, Oogar made several attempts to strike up small talk though Angel had already made it clear he wasn't in a talkative mood.
"Oi! Angel, Caveman! Over here!" A familiar voice suddenly rang out, catching the attention of both the mammoth and arachnid. Across the street and only several feet away from there, Cherri Bomb waved them on with a beaming grin on her face. It seemed that the sudden appearance of his friend seem to flip a switch in Angel's head as his lips began to form into a smile of his own.
"Cherri! Babe!" Angel replied excitedly before hurrying across the street to greet Cherri, his unexpected shift in demeanor catching the caveman off guard. At one moment he was brooding and sulking and before he knew it, he was bright and happy. Upon getting up close, Angel and Cherri shared a great big hug, squeezing one another tightly before breaking away.
"So, how have ya been, pinstripe?" Cherri said, putting a hand on her hip while casually leaning against a wall to adjacent building.
"Eh, same old routine for yours truly. I'm just going through the daily grind as always… Well, emphasis on grind." Angel replied, immaturely chuckling slightly at his statement along with Cherri.
"Haha! I bet, as for me, nothing too crazy. Blew up a few buildings, got into a big bar fight that lead to me getting banned from said bar. Oh, and also laundry day." Cherri said with a shrug. Oogar, meanwhile, quickly looked both ways before crossing the street as he approached the two demons. When the caveman drew near, the duo felt the ground beneath them vibrate slightly from his thunderous footsteps as they turned to the fur-coated behemoth with Cherri walking up to him.
"Hey, hey! Ooga Booga guy!" The one-eyed anarchist greeted before leaping forward and giving Oogar a tight embrace, nearly toppling the mammoth demon. Cherri proceeded to rub her face against cozy fur before the caveman hugged back, bellowing with gleeful laughter.
"Hi there there, Boom Boom Lady!" Oogar greeted, looking down at the cyclopean demon, who still had her face burrowed in his hairy torso.
"Damn boy, why you gotta be so fluffy! You got more fluff on them tits than Angel!" Cherri jokingly commented.
"Hoho! Yeah!…" Oogar hollered before briefly pausing. "…Wait, Tits?"
"Hey! Easy with the language, Cherri! You want this big fluff ball to lose all of that blissful innocence?" Angel spoke up while Cherri looked over to her arachnid companion with a smug smirk plastered on her visage.
Right before the cyclops and the spider would go back and forth with a verbal duel, a shrill grunt rang out from afar prompting all three demons to divert their attention to the source. Dragging himself along the pavement with shopping bags dangling from his arms and tail along with an entire tower of boxes that he was struggling to keep still, Sir Pentious grunted and whimpered from the baggage that he was forced to endure.
"And look who finally caught up…" Cherri commented, folding her arms before calling out to the serpentine. "Pick up the pace you old fart, we're not even halfway done!"
"Nnnggh… Why… nnggrghh… must you buy… all of this... pointless... TAT!? Urraaannnghh…" Pentious complained between grunts, his arms feeling as though they were going to fall off at any given moment.
"Thrift shop had a half off sale, you think I'm duckin' out on a chance like that? Fuck no!" Cherri brashfully responded while Angel threw his eyebrows up in surprise at the snake-like demon's unforeseen arrival.
"Oi, Cherri. What's the dinosaur doing here? Shouldn't he be out snorting hot lead or whatever old folks do to get high?" Angel asked with a hint of annoyance.
"I'M NOT OLD, YOU FOUL ARACHNID!" The snake-like demon retorted, nearly collapsing from the weight.
"Hm? Oh yeah, well Penny and I made a bet on a fight between us. Whoever lost gets to be the winner's bottom bitch for a whole week and, heh..." The cyclopean gave out a haughty giggle at Sir Pentious's plight. "...You can guess who got their ass handed to."
"My...nruagh... ass wouldn't have been brought to me...HNNGH... HAD YOU NOT CHEATED!" Sir Pentious groaned, continuing to lug away the bags and boxes that weighed him down.
"This is Hell, buddy. If you're not cheating, you're clearly not trying." Cherri replied with a cocksure manner.
"Exactly! Anyways, Penny, you lookin' like you're carrying a big load there. Want me to relieve it for you?~" Angel offered in a flirtatious manner while Sir Pentious narrowed his eyes at the slutty spider.
"SILENCE YOU, LICENTIOUS LUMMOX! HADN'T IT BEEN FOR MY DEAL, I WOULD WRAP MY COILS AROUND YOU AND SQUEEZE YOU DRY!" Sir Pentious declared, Angel's only response cocking a singular eyebrow. Confused at first, the serpentine reflected back on his previous statement before his own words dawned on him. "...Oh, dammit all!"
"Hey, it's fine! You caught it..." The Pornstar said before glancing off to the side, pursing his lips slightly while Pentious gave him a suspicious look. "...Though, you good at pitch-"
"SHUT UP!" Sir Pentious screeched at the top of his lungs, straining his voice in the process. Angel and Cherri cackled like a group of Hyenas while Oogar stepped up to Pentious with a friendly wave.
"Hi Snake Man! I hope back is feeling better." Oogar joyfully greeted the snake-like demon, though Pentious merely scowled at the caveman.
"That's Sir Pentious to you!" The serpentine hissed with exasperation, angered by how the caveman's inability to get his name right. Realizing that he had been addressing the snake demon wrong, the caveman rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.
"Oh. Oogar sorry..." The caveman apologized for butchering the serpentine's title. "Okay, hi... um... Pe...Pen...Pen...Errr... Could you tell Oogar again? He very confused."
"PENTIOUSSSSS! IT'S PENTIOUS, YOU NEOLITHIC NUMBSKULL! CAN IT BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS! DO I MAKE MYSELF AS CLEAR!?" The Evil Genius snapped, practically frothing at the mouth with his own venomous saliva.
"Oooh... Okay, thank you! Hello, Sir Penis!" Oogar 'corrected' without a slight bit of hesitation, the serpentine's visage transformed from infuriated to dumbfounded. It wasn't long before Cherri and Angel broke into laughter, nearly buckling to the ground from their chortling. Sir Pentious's lip began to quiver from the humiliation, letting out a dog-like whimper whimper while Oogar, confused, decided to laugh alongside his companions.
"Haha!... What's funny?" The caveman asked with genuine confusion.
"Tch, so much for protecting innocence, eh Angel?" The one-eyed anarchist said to the spider demon, playfully nudging him.
"Oh please, he probably doesn't even know that word! Right, Oogar?" Angel asked the caveman, who looked at the spider with a blank expression.
"What word? Oogar so confused now..." The mammoth demon muttered.
"See!? What I tell ya! The guy's a friggin' child!" Angel exclaimed, throwing his upper set of hands into the air. "And don't even get me started on the way my landlords treat him. They practically adopted him!"
"Heh, yeah! I... Wait a sec, when you told me about that, I thought it was some kind of weird 'Call me mommy' thing. Did they actually adopt this lug?" Cherri inquired, dropping her cheeky attitude.
"Don't take it from me, toots," Angel said, gesturing for Oogar to respond to the anarchist's question. "Take it from the man himself."
"Hm? You talking about Mamas? Oogar just want to be good son is all. Make Mamas proud!" Oogar declared with a smile that was shrouded by his bushy beard, triumphantly raising a fist in the air. Angel and Cherri both looked at each other, perplexed at how someone like him wound up in a chaotic place like this.
"...How in the fuck did he end up in Hell?..." Cherri questioned, Oogar overhearing her inquiry as he lowered his fist, his jubilance added into confusion.
"That's what I was thinking too!" Angel shouted before the caveman stepped in to answer such a question.
"Oogar died. Bad people come here when they die, right?" The mammoth demon said, hoping to get an answer. Cherri and Angel went silent for a moment while Pentious, witnessing this t, averted his gaze from the caveman and whistled to himself.
"Well... Yeah, but you don't really strike me as... A 'piece of shit asshole' per se. But uh... Ya did something to get here. We all did." Cherri explained in the best way she could.
"Exactly. I worked with the mob and killed plenty of bitches in my time, Cherri over here's a terrorist, and Penny over there... uh... Fuckin' wore mismatched socks at school?..." Angel built off Cherri's statement.
"I...NNGH...EXTORTED CHILD LABOR INTO MY...GRRMPH... FACTORIES!" Pentious interjected before falling flat on his stomach from all the weight he was carrying.
"Yeah, what the snake said. Anyways, what I'm gettin' at here is that you had to have done something that lead you to this shithole." Angel elucidated as the caveman slanted his head slightly, still confused by this notion.
"To put it as simple as possible... What did you do to go to hell, Oogar?" The spider demon asked. Oogar's curious gaze turned to that of a glassy-eyed stare the moment he was hit with such a question, his body went stiff as a board, and not a word came out of his mouth. The arachnid's question left Oogar filled with uncertainty and fearfulness, as though a memory that he had locked away in the confines of his mindscape was starting to emerge. Angel could already tell that his question left Oogar visibly distraught, prompting him to quickly drop the subject.
"A-Actually... uh... On second thought, forget it. Just forget it, big guy. That's something for you and your moms to talk about." Angel said, shaking his head before approaching the caveman and putting a hand on his back, slightly pushing against him as a subtle method to usher him out.
"See ya Cherri, if you see something 'wit Val's face then blow it up for me." Angel bid Cherri farewell to which, the cyclopean replied to him with a thumbs up.
"I'll keep my eye peeled!" The explosive fanatic said with a bright grin. Before Angel parted ways with his friend, he strutted over to Pentious, who was still laid out on the sidewalk, before crouching down to his level. Reaching into his fluffy bosom, Angel rummages through his chest before pulling out a personal business card with his number.
"Here, for you." Angel said before sliding it beneath the brim of Pentious's hat, which sneered with disgust from the arachnid's dirty touch. "In case you wanna cut loose. Besides, you know what they say, two is better than one~"
"OH SHUT UP!" The serpentine hissed while Angel chuckled, rising back to his full height before leaving the duo behind with Oogar steadily following him. As they moved along, the caveman's mind drew back to that question Angel had asked him, still fresh in his head. Oogar nervously looked over Angel, anxiously clasping his hands.
"D-Does Angel want to know abou-"
"Oogs, we ain't havin' this talk." Angel responded curtly, his focus still shifted ahead.
"Oogar doesn't know…" The caveman fearfully murmured, unsure if he could just drop a topic such as this and leave it behind. "Oogar feel like-"
"I SAID DROP IT!" Angel shouted, spinning around before pointing an index finger at his chest, forcing the behemoth to come to a grinding halt. A fierce look was present in the pornstar's eyes, one that nearly petrified a giant such as Oogar.
"Look, save it for your mommies… We ain't got time for this shit so just stop talkin' about please." The slutty spider heavily insisted, leading Oogar to seal his lips shut regarding the matter. Despite holding his tongue, Oogar still lingered on the subject though faced with Angel's crystal clear disinterest, he had no other option but to lock it away. At least for now that is. Just as it seemed he would be hung up the question, Oogar perked his head up to a faint grumble.
He looked around for the source, believing that a hungry monster was afoot. However, all it took for him to pinpoint the source was to simply look down to see his gurgling stomach. The caveman gave out a soft groan, placing a hand on his gut. His grumbling stomach was loud enough to warrant the attention of Angel, who turned his head over to the starving behemoth.
"Keee-rist, Oogar. I think ya woke up the whole town with that. Did you get any food in ya when you left?" Angel asked.
"N-No… Oogar trusted tato chips to store fat. Sadly tato chips are weak meat…" Oogar muttered, continuing to skid his fingers across the fur on his abdomen.
"Uh-huh... Y'know, heard there's a convenience store not too far from here. It's called Bael's Bodacious Bodega." Angel said, directing his hand to an overpass just up ahead. "I got some cash on me so why don't hit the place up? We just gotta go down through there is all."
There was plenty of space beneath the bridge for Angel and Oogar to make it through the other side with the only obstacles being heaps of junk that were laid out onto the patches of grass that remained in the cement jungle. The caveman and the pornstar made their way through the overpass as a train came roaring overhead, its wheels clattering against the rails. Traversing further, a pungent effluvium made itself present in the air, one that made Angel nearly gag as he pinched his nostrils.
"Oh god fuckin' lord? What is that smell!?" Angel yelled with disgust while Oogar winced from the terrible odor, forcing him to close his eyes as the rancid smell was beginning to sting them. "Did someone just die or is Alastor somewhere around here?! Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if it was both!"
Just then, a sizeable mound of trash bags started to rustle and shift right before the two demons, who quickly stopped in their tracks in anticipation to whatever was about to jump out from the pile. Three of the bags were then jettisoned into different directions and rising from the trash heap was none other than Chugg, who screamed out a slew of obscenities before stumbling out from the clutter. A half-empty bottle of whiskey in one hand, a Verosika Mayday body pillow in the other, and a missing left boot that was may or may not have been the home of a family of raccoons.
"RAUGH! FUCKIN' RACOONS, STEALIN' MY SHIT. FUCKIN' TRASH PANDAS GOT AWAY WITH MY BOOT, MY BROWNIE MIX, AND EVEN MY FUCKIN' GG ALLIN CD! I'LL FUCKIN' TURN ONE OF THOSE BITCHES INSIDE OUT AND USE IT AS A FUCKIN' FLESHLIGHT!" Chugg cursed to himself before bringing the whiskey bottle up to his lips and gulping down what remained in the bottle.
"Chugg! Buddy! Haven't seen ya in a while, how's being homeless? Shitty, I bet!" Angel snarked, laughing at the jerk's misfortune. Chugg took notice of Angel's snide comment, removing the bottle from his mouth as he hurled it right at the spider demon. Though it seemed that he had one too many drinks for a proper pitch as the glass bottle missed its intended target by a wide margin, instead it collided with a wall of solid concrete, breaking into dozens of tiny shards
"FUCK YOU!" Chugg roared at the top of his lungs, flipping Angel the bird.
"Awww, I share the same sentiments pal!" Angel said with a laugh, returning Chugg's crass gesture with four middle fingers from each hand.
"URAGH... SHUT UP... IF I WASN'T SO HUNGOVER, I'D SMACK THE SHIT OUTTA..O-OUTTA...BRLRMPH... AW FUCK, HOLD ON..." Chugg said covering his mouth as he hobbled over to the nearest garbage pile to retch out whatever foulness he had eaten last night.
"Yuck..." Oogar murmured with repugnance, covering his eyes so that he could shield his sight from such an unsavory scene.
"I know right? To think some people do this for a living..." Angel replied.
"...They do?" The caveman responded, raising a brow in both confusion and concern.
"For your innocence, I won't elaborate but when you work in my profession, you see some REALLY weird shit..." The pornstar said, shuttering to the uncanny things that he had witnessed in his career. Once Chugg had finishing puking his gut out, the ogirish demon coughed before wiping his disgusting moth with his sleeve, leaving behind a sickening stain on the fabric.
"URAGH… FUCK, THAT'S THE LAST GOD DAMNED TIME I'M TRUSTING A HALF-EATEN CAN OF SPAGHETTI-O'S…." Chugg hawked out, his hands placed on his knees to prevent himself from falling over.
"Hey big guy, if you're living life in a garbage can, then what happen to that crackhouse that you used to call 'yer pissin' grounds?" Angel asked.
"SOME SLUT SCAMMED ME OUT OF SELLIN' THAT FUCKIN' SHITHOLE FOR A FORTUNE!" The red demon roared back, specks of saliva flying out of his mouth.
"Wait, wait… You were scammed into selling your crib for a fortune?…" Angel Dust said with a slight chuckle, attempting to process Chugg's own words. "How the fuck does that work?!"
"MOTHERFUCKER, THEY GAVE ME A FORTUNE COOKIE AND LOCKED ME OUT OF MY STUDIO! WHEN I CRACKED THAT BITCH OPEN, THE LITTLE NOTE TOLD ME TO EAT SHIT!" The hobo bellowed, proceeding to kick aside a trash bag out of anger.
"Well, you are what you eat!" Angel taunted with a giggle.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU COCK GOBBLER!" Chugg violently retorted, glaring daggers at the cheeky spider demon, who had the nerve to mock him at such a low point in his revolting life.
"That's the idea!~" Angel jeered with impudence, giving Chugg a smug wink while pointing finger guns with both sets of hands. Chugg growled with scolding hot rage, veins began to pop along his greasy forehead while steam started to pour out from his eardrums much like a tea kettle reaching its boiling point.
"JUST YOU WAIT, YOU JIZZ-SLURPIN' CRACKWHORE! I PUT ALL THE MONEY I HAVE LEFT INTO SHITCOIN!" The Asshole King sharply responded, pointing a grimy red index finger at the arachnid. "MY BANK ACCOUNT'S ALREADY GOIN' UP AND I'LL BE LIVING THE HIGHLIFE WITH YOU ASSHOLES LICKIN' MY DIARRHEA-CAKED BOOTS!"
"Oh, really? Hm..." Angel said with pseudo-interest, stroking his chin while a shit-eating grin began to spread along his face. "And how's that turning out for ya right now?~"
"I MADE NEGATIVE SIX SOULS JUST TODAY, YOU HORSE-HUMPIN' HOMO!" Chugg slurred, flipping the bird yet again in an ignorant attempt to start a fight. Though, Angel remained amused throughout this quarrel, bursting into a fit of goading laughter. Oogar watched this petty drama transpire, gradually becoming hungrier by the minute and this asshole was getting in the way.
"BWAHA! Oh, that's rich... Well, you're not but you get what I mean." The spider chortled, continuing to chip away at Chugg's already short temper much like he did whenever he called his show.
"Hey, if you really wanna make a livin', there's a Mexican restaurant down the street. There's a glory hole in the third stall in the men's bathroom, you could make a good few bucks with a nice blow!" The pornstar suggested, leaning against a nearby pier belonging to the overpass. "Of course, with those yellow chompers of yours, some poor sap is probably gonna get his dick bitten off!"
"RRRRRRGH! THAT FUCKIN' DOES IT, I AIN'T TAKIN' SHIT FROM A LITTLE DICK-HOARDING FAIRY! AND AS FOR YOU..." The red demon snarled before shifting his attention to Oogar, hitting the caveman with a hateful scowl. The caveman, however, reacted to Chugg's threat not with violence but confusion as he looked around for a brief moment before pointing at himself.
"Who? Me?" Oogar asked with a genuine lack of understanding.
"YEAH, YOU! YA FUCKIN' TALKING SCROTEM FLEECE, YOU GOT LUCKY THE SECOND TIME BUT NOW I'M GONNA FUCK UP SO BADLY THAT THOSE PRISSY LITTLE DYKES WILL HAVE ANOTHER CARPET TO EAT!" Chugg screamed at the top of his lugs. However, the mammoth demon just stood there with a blank expression, blinking twice to process the jerk's words.
"Uh... Who are you again?" The caveman responded while Chugg's eyes widened and his rage had hit its limit.
"THAT FUCKIN' DOES IT! YOU'RE DEAD, MOTHERFUCKER!" The Asshole King boomed before entering into a dead sprint whilst emitting a feral war cry. Oogar watched as the red demon came barreling at him, huffing with annoyance before casually approaching him without a hint of hesitation. Chugg threw a paw into Oogar's face but the caveman easily snatched him by the wrist with an iron grip.
"W-WHAT THE FU-"
BAMF!
A wind-up wasn't needed for Oogar, whose fist drove deep into Chugg's belly. The Red Demon's look of bestial anger turned to a pained grimace while all the air in his lungs had escaped from his lips with a pained croak. Chugg stumbled back, clutching his gut before falling to his knees, struggling to breathe. The giant managed to keep himself elevated with one hand, a sickening snorting noise escaping Chugg's lips with every breath taken. In the span of all of this, Angel was filming the scuffle with his phone, attempting to stifle his laughter. Oogar gazed at the downed demon before rudely snorting at his misfortune.
"Hmph. You bore Oogar. Lay here in trash where you belong." The caveman grumbled before walking off, though he stopped dead in his tracks before turning over to Angel, who had his face glued to his phone's screen. "Is Angel coming?"
"Hm? Oh yeah, gimme a sec, big guy!" The arachnid replied, proceeding the upload the video onto Voxtagram before tucking his cellphone into his pocket. He was about to continue on with his saunter but took notice of Chugg, flat on the ground writhing with pain. A Grinch-like smirk formed along Angel's features as he knelt down to Chugg's level.
"Sage advice from a man of the night, keep a bottle of mouthwash on hand in case you do end up with the glory hole gig. Otherwise, your breath will a hint of dick to it~" Angel took one final crack at the Asshole King before kicking him right into the side, causing the obese demon to fall to the pavement. Finished with humiliating him, Angel quickly ran over to Oogar, the two of them leaving Chugg behind in his trash heap.
"GWAAGGH...G-GET BACK HERE...GWAAGGH... I-I'LL...I'LL FUCK YOU WITH A BUTCHER KNIFE... OH FUCK, THERE'S THAT POPPIN' NOISE..."Chugg wheezed, writhing with pain. Ready for the next on-goer to point and laugh at him.
Bael's Bodacious Bodega...
Pushing the entrance door open while the entry chime filled the room for a split second, Angel stepped foot into the bodega. Keeping the door opened with one arm for Oogar to step in, wh lowered his head so that he could properly enter the building. However, due to the store's relatively small size, the caveman felt his head bump against the ceiling upon standing at his full height. Since Oogar didn't want his head to scrape along the ceiling, the behemoth got down on his knees to better navigate the complex.
"Okay, here's a twenty for ya, big guy. Buy yourself a candy bar or somethin'." Angel said, reaching into his pocket before handing Oogar a crisp dollar bill for his spending needs. The caveman carefully stowed twenty into his hide before shuffling across the floor by walking on his knees. Angel, meanwhile, perused the various snacks that the store had to offer, curious as to what may tickle his fancy. Oogar took in his surroundings, a thousand snacks that were packaged and stocked upon racks. He passed by the register, occupied by a half-asleep underpaid employee who idly kept his eye on the clock, along with the slushy machine that hummed endlessly.
The caveman skimmed through chips, snake cakes, and candy bars in search of something to indulge himself with. From the corner of his eye, however, Oogar let out a gasp for he had spotted a roller grill with an array of hot dogs splayed out on the turning rods. Shambling over to the hot dog roller as fast as his knees could allow, throwing himself against the protective glass that shielded the roller. Watching the links slowly roll about on their moderately warm haven. Yet another amazement that modern technology had to offer.
"Angel! Angel! Look what Oogar found!" Oogar called out to Angel with great enthusiasm.
"What is it, hon?" The spider, who was currently ogling the latest installment of Impgossip that he had swiped from its display rack, answered without looking up from his magazine.
"THE MEAT. IT SPINS! THE MEAT IS SPINNING!" Oogar proclaimed, snapping the nearby cashier out of his delirious state. The second those words escaped Oogar's mouth, the feminine arachnid's face ran red as he attempted to stifle his laughter.
"Snnrrrk... I bet..." Angel chuckled before covering his mouth to hide his childish laughter. The Mammoth could spend hours watching the hot dogs rotate in circles for hours on end but he needed to check out what else this holder of snacks could possibly offer. Turning away from the hot dog roller, Oogar continued to scuttle about through the store before stumbling upon something that was situated against the walls on the far left side of the store.
It was a big, blue ice cream freezer that stored frozen treats within its cool chamber. Curious, Oogar approached the freeze and peered over the glass casing. As he drew near, a twinge of hidden dread started to bite at him, warning the behemoth to stop what he was doing and move on to something else but inquisitiveness had gotten the best of him. Putting his hand onto the sliding door hatch, Oogar looked down at the freezer. Contemplating whether this was a good idea or not, the colorful pictures of the treats appeared rather enticing to the caveman's eyes. With one pull, the freezer door slide open as a frigid breeze escaped from the opening and brushed against the mammoth demon's fur.
Right when the ice-cold air licked Oogar's arm, his heart skipped a beat and his eyes that were once glimmering with curiosity became vacant of emotion. Shutting the freezer door as hard as he could, the glass casing cracking in the process, the behemoth scampered down the nearest aisle on all fours. Racks were knocked over with packaged snacks littering the floor from his broad shoulders brushing up against the shelves. Trampling a customer or two in the process. Angel was fixing up a big cup of soda by the soft drink machine only to accidentally splash himself with sticky, carbonated liquid from a sudden quake. Meanwhile, the minimum wage store clerk was sent tumbling back
Grabbing onto the machine, the slutty spider hung on tight with all four arms while soda dripped down from his hair. The whole building shaking and the snacks falling was more than enough to tell Angel that this was Oogar's doing. Cocking his head in the direction of the stomping, he spotted the caveman huddled against a corner, fearfully shivering.
"Fuck's sakes..." Angel quietly mumbled to himself aloud, letting go of the soda machine before stomping his way towards the cowering Oogar. A few customers who were present at the scene all had their heads turned towards the whimpering caveman, finding his display of fear as an embarrassment to the eyes while others opted to ignore it. As the slutty spider approached the fur-coated giant, he swore that the bestial demon was repeating something endlessly.
"C-cold... cold... cold... co-"
"Oogar. OOGAR!" Angel shouted, snapping his fingers to get the caveman's attention. Oogar's head shot up to see the spider standing before him with an infuriated look crystal clear on features. "The hell's gotten into you!? Did a bug bite you on the ass!?"
"The cold! It's here!... I-IT'S HERE!" Oogar shouted with panic leading him to hyperventilate, clinging to the walls to save himself from the invasive cold. Angel sighed with annoyance, facepalming at the caveman's statement proceeding to pull down his eyelids.
"And where is the cold?..." He replied, prompting his Cenozoic companion to extend his arm out and point out the source of the cold. His index finger directed towards the ice cream finger, his hand appeared to be visibly shaking. Putting two and two together, Angel rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"Seriously...? A freezer!? THAT'S what you're worried about! Get a fu-..." The Pornstar was about to go on an ear blistering rant but right as he could chew Oogar out for supposedly wasting his time, he looked into the caveman's eyes. There he saw genuine terror, fear of his own life as though a primordial horror had awakened and overtook the mammoth demon's consciousness. Angel was unsure of what to say though he couldn't just leave Oogar scared out of wits in a corner. Without the need for any words, he stepped forward and hugged against the caveman's abdomen with all four of his arms wrapping around his back.
"Shhh... Easy big boy... Just uh... Just take it easy there..." The spider demon whispered, softly grazing the caveman's warm fur to help calm the giant down. Oogar's worries began to fade away from the spider's abating embrace, his pounding heart beginning to return to a moderate pace while the caveman blanketed the arachnid-like demon with his own two arms. Keeping his friend close to ensure his safety.
"The cold ain't gonna get ya, big guy. It sure as hell ain't gonna grow legs and spit ice cream at ya." Angel chuckled slightly, hoping to lighten the mood though Oogar said nothing in response aside from tightening his hug. Angel stood there for a moment, still clinging onto the mammoth demon.
"Hey, will you sissies make out in the storage closet already? You're blocking the cigarettes." A voice rudely called out from behind the spider, who turned over his shoulder to see a demon standing in front of them, his foot impatiently tapping against the floor.
"How about you suck the clerk off for a pack to fuel your nicotine addiction!? It'll certainly make him want to die less!" Angel snapped back.
"It's true! I'm very lonely!" The clerk replied while the impolite customer grumbled with annoyance before stomping off, muttering all sorts of insults beneath his breath. Turning his attention back to Oogar, he could still see that the caveman was verklempt.
"...Ya want me to tell that freezer to leave you alone?" He asked, Oogar giving a slight nod in response. "...Do ya want me to go tell it to eat shit?"
"But that gross..." The caveman murmured.
"But don't you hate that freezer?" Angel replied, making the behemoth pause for a split moment to consider.
"Oogar does hate the freezer..." The mammoth demon admitted, scratching his beard. Angel released his hands from Oogar and slipped out of his grasp.
"Alright, I'll go deal with that mean ol' freezer. You stay put, baby." The feminine spider said, softly patting Oogar's head before storming off to the ice cream freezer to give it a piece of his mind.
"Oi! Freezer, FREEZER! Got a bone to pick with you!" Angel shouted at the freezer, its only response being a mechanical rev that seemed to drone on endlessly. Upon closing the distance from the icebox, the arachnid gazed upon it with a scornful look.
"You fuckin' with my friend?... You fuckin' with MY friend!? Lemme tell ya something, you no-good icy asswipe. If it weren't for all the ice cream, popsicles, and unclassified murder victims ya got stowed away in there, no one would be payin' attention to ya! So do me a favor and eat shit!" Angel scolded, simultaneously kicking the ice cream freezer. A loud 'THUNK' echoed throughout the store.
"Fuckin' freezer! Think you're so cool, huh? Think you're so much better than everyone else because you can make things cold. Can ya pay bills!? Do taxes?! Sure, I don't do any of that shit but can you!? NO!" The Slutty Spider continued on his rant before being approached by the deadpan clerk, who had overheard the commotion.
"Uh... Sir... What are you doing?..." He asked as Angel turned around to face him, his lower set of arms holding onto his hips.
"Your freezer was talking shit about my friend! That's what!" Angel retorted, the clerk slowly blinking several times at what he had just heard.
"...The freezer did what now?" He said, wondering Angel had taken any drugs before coming into this place. Though, there was a fifty-fifty chance that he did.
"You heard me right! And if it EVER happens again, this whole store is gonna turn into a fucking battleground if that frosty fuck doesn't get its shit together!" The taller demon threatened, aggressively poking against the store clerk's chest.
"W-Wha...What?..."
"Now if you excuse me..." Angel said before turning his attention back to the freezer, repeatedly kicking it yet again. "And that humming, don't get me started with the humming! I am trying to waste my money on snacks and shit but I can't hear myself think with all that fuckin 'VRRRRRRRRRRRBBBBB' noise goin' on!"
"Yeah!" Oogar shouted, viewing from the sidelines. Attempting to conjure up a juicy insult for his source of ire. "You are a... dumb... JERK!"
"THAT'S RIGHT, ASSHOLE! A DUMB. JERK." Angel boomed at the top of his lungs, adding emphasis on his last two kicks to drive home the point. Watching the pornstar continue to wail on the ice cream freezer while his primitive friend cheered him on, customers were left confused as to what was happening while the clerk merely returned to the register. After all, this wasn't the weirdest thing that's happened here.
A Few Minutes later...
The front door to the bodega swung open, Angel and Oogar exiting the establishment with plastic bags holding an assortment of items from food to magazines in their clutches. Before leaving the convenience store, he turned around and gave the ice cream freezer one final middle finger before hitting the road, much to the annoyance and confusion of the underpaid clerk. As they made their way down the sidewalk, Angel glanced over to Oogar, who was unraveling a hot dog free from its wrapping paper.
"Feeling better now that we took care of that mean ol' freezer, big man?" Angel asked, to which, the mammoth demon replied with a happy nod before munching down on his snack. Staining beard with smatters of ketchup and mustard that had got caught in his fur. The spider chuckled at the caveman's sloppy eating as the caveman finished scarfing down his treat. Oogar's eyes shifted down, realizing that his beard was left a messy field of condiment splotches before turning to his arachnid acquaintance.
"Errr... Napkin, please." Oogar politely asked.
"No need to tell me, Oogs." The spider said, passing a crumpled-up, handful of napkins over to the caveman. Oogar began to clean his stained beard, wiping the smears from his fur.
"So, where we go now?" Oogar said as he cleaned his beard. Angel's eyes darted to the sidewalk, his mind attempting to conjure up a sentence before giving an indifferent shrug.
"I dunno, I'm prolly thinkin' about headin' back to the hotel. Did enough walking around and my legs are KILLING me." Angel replied, facing the opposite direction from the mammoth demon. Oogar noticed a disinterested look written on his features, as though the spider didn't want to be here. His upper set of arms was folded while his lower set was tucked away in his coat pockets. Oogar reflected on the events prior, from the pressing question that he had asked and most recently, his freakout at the bodega. He couldn't help but wonder if Angel truly wanted to be around him.
"Hey, Angel?..." Oogar asked, the arachnid's eyes darting over to the Prehistoric behemoth.
"Just hold onto the napkin. Very first can ya see, toss it in the trash. Be on the lookout for any flesh-eating raccoons or knife-wielding ketamine addicts before throwing it away." Ange listlessly instructed, not even turning to face the caveman.
"No, No. Oogar not talking about that..." Oogar responded, apprehensively clutching at his own wrist. Angel could already tell that the mammoth demon had something on his mind from his subtle gestures and he was holding out on him.
"Okay, I'll bite. Whattya want this time? If it's about the whole 'birds and the bees', I am not your guy for that." The arachnid stated with a slight chuckle.
"Not that either. Does... Does Oogar make you feel ashamed?" The caveman asked, Angel's eyes widening slightly from his question.
"Ashamed?..." Angel replied, cocking a brow in surprise. If the spider was paying no mind to his partner, then he surely was now.
"Oogar doesn't act right when in public. Oogar think he's too different from everyone else..." The caveman explained at the best of his ability, despite his primitive dialect, the Pornstar had somewhat of an understanding to what he was talking about.
"Oogar wonders... Does Oogar make you feel embarrassed? Like, you don't wanna be around Oogar?..." He continued, his words riddled with culpability and resentment towards himself. Without any warning, Oogar was grabbed by the shoulders before being pulled down to properly meet Angel at eye level.
"Alright, buster, you listen to me and you listen well." The arachnid said, holding the caveman by his board shoulders with his upper arms. "Are you different from everyone else? Yes, without a shadow of a doubt. Does that mean you should worry about how a bunch of faceless randos thinks about you? FUCK. NO."
"But, Oo-"
"I'm not finished, bub!" Angel interrupted, poking against his furry chest with a lower arm. "I can tell you ALOT when it comes to being ridiculed just for who you are. I've had countless assholes talk all sorts o' shit about me. For a while it did bug me, in some occasions it actually did cut deep but in the end, I keep movin' on. Wanna know why?"
"W-Why?..." Oogar asked, tilting his head.
"'Cuz big guy, they know shit about me. That's what! They're just a bunch of nobodies who act the way they do all because they're insecure about whatever shit they got goin' on." The arachnid expressed, his grip tightening on the caveman's shoulders.
"If you think I'm 'ashamed' of being around ya then you got another thing coming. Have you seen the shit Cherri and I do in public? I could care less if I'm walking down the street with a literal caveman!" He continued, unhanding Oogar's shoulders though he didn't break eye contact with him.
"Besides... I enjoy your company a lot." Angel said with sincerity, a warm smile worn proudly on his visage. "Shit, if anything, you're probably better off without a horny jackass like me."
"...But... Angel is Oogar's friend. Oogar like being around you, make Oogar laugh." The caveman confessed, unintentionally plucking at the strings of Angel's heart as he felt a warm sensation beating within him. "Angel make Oogar happy, Angel shouldn't feel sad because he friend..."
"…Dammit all, Oogar. Who told you to be so sweet." Angel grumbled with slight indignation, wiping away any tears that were starting leak from their ducts.
"Nobody." Oogar said with a chuckle. "Oogar is just being Oogar is all."
"Ugh… You certainly are Charlie's kid, you know that." Angel replied with a chuckle, giving the demon a gentle pat on the back. Oogar giggled alongside his arachnid companion before the two passed by an alleyway with a dumpster situated against the walls. Realizing that he still had the balled-up napkin in his paw, Oogar made a sudden turn into the alleyway.
"Hey, Angel. You go ahead, Oogar catch up with you." Oogar said before running off into the alleyway.
"Don't take too long, big guy." Angel called out, watching the mammoth demon waltz off into the passage while he continued on his saunter down the street. Just a couple of feet ahead of him, a group of demons were all grouped together on the stoop of a brownstone, sharing a drink with one another whilst engaging in casual small talk. However, one member of the group took notice of Angel and realized that there was a puddle right in front of the porch.
"Heh… Hey guys, check this out." He said to his friends, letting out a devious chuckle as he scooted himself down the lowest step of the staircase while his friends gathered around in anticipation. As the unsuspecting spider approached the stoop, the demon stuck his leg out at the last second. Without any warning or foresight to prevent Angel from taking another step, the spider demon tripped right over the jerk's leg and face-first into the muddy puddle.
"GAH! WHAT THE FU-"
SPLAT!
Angel struck the ground as cold muddy water splashed onto him. Staining his clothes and matting fur while the culprit responsible for tripping the demon broke out into a fit of obnoxious laughter, one that evolved into a guffaw amongst his posse. Oogar emerged from the alley, having thrown out his garbage where he heard the laughing not too far away. The first thing that the caveman saw was his friend laying on the ground, covered in mud, being pointed and laughed at by a group of hecklers.
"...Hell no." Oogar growled, marching towards the crowd with a hateful glare and clenched fists.
"AUGH! WHAT THE FUCK, PAL!?" Angel retorted, shaking off some of the mud from his hair before glaring at the jerk who had the gall to trip him, looking down at the spider demon with a disgusting grin.
"HAHA! Watch where you're walking then, slutbag!" The demon chortled, holding onto his sides from laughing so much. Angel snarled with rage, planning to stand up and sock this dickbag right in the schnoz but he didn't have to for a great shadow was cast over him as well as the other demons, all of whom ceased their laughing apart from the demon who tripped Angel.
"HAHAHA... Hehe...heh... Wait a sec, did it get dark out or..." The unsuspecting fool's eyes glanced up to see the hulking mammoth demon that eclipsed him in size and muscle alone. His heart sank into his gut and his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, just the sight alone was enough to make him dampen his trousers.
"...Uh... they told me to do it!" He squealed, pointing a finger at his friends in a desperate bid to save his hide. Though, Oogar wasn't having any of that as he grabbed the scrawny demon by the nape of his neck. Oogar didn't need a wind-up for the behemoth chucked the demon several feet high into the sky while he screamed and cried for his mommy. Watching the demon flailing about in the air, Oogar's body tensed for when gravity took its course.
Angel looked on with shock but his attention was shifted to an odd sensation he felt underneath his shoe. The puddle beneath him was beginning to bubble and froth, a sight that forced the arachnid-like demon to back away. Oogar's fists began to shake and ripples were forming amongst the mire.
"What in the fuck..." He murmured while the surrounding group was all beginning to inch their way to the front door. As the airborne demon came falling back down, Oogar slammed his foot onto the puddle resulting in a massive glob of mud rising out from the grimy plash. Once the falling demon had fallen into the caveman's range, the mammoth demon struck runt dead-on with a concentrated blast of muck with the force and strength of a riot hose. The demon was sent soaring into the neighboring building before hitting the walls with a loud 'SPLACH'.
The demon was now stuck to the building by the mud that had blasted him holding him onto the walls as though he was an insect stuck to flypaper. However, as the muck began to run off the walls, so too did the prankster for he fell out from his sticky constraints and dropped several feet onto the roof of a car. Bouncing right off of it and onto the street where another vehicle promptly the running him over, the driver not even bothering to check on the poor bastard. Having witnessed their friend's switched body flattened on the highway, they all slowly turned their gaze to the mammoth demon in fear of what he may do next.
Oogar moved his head in the direction of the hecklers with a furious glare, if looks could kill then they would've been caught dead on the stoop. With the fifteen-foot tall mammoth demon staring into their souls, the group of demons haphazardly scrambled into the front door of the brownstone before locking and barricading the entrance in case the caveman planned to break every bone in their body.
Luckily for them, Oogar showed no particular interest in perusing the annoyances for his sights were set on Angel, who was attempting to wipe off the muck from his clothes though his suit was now coated in brown stains that could be seen for a mile away.
"I-Is Angel okay?…" The caveman asked, slowly approaching the spider demon, who quickly swatted away Oogar to prevent him from taking another step closer.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just… Just don't touch me, okay?!" Angel said, continuing to wipe at the stains on his clothes. Try as he might, the splotches of dirty rainwater clung onto the fabric.
"Fuckin' great…" The arachnid cursed under his breath before his mind drew back to when Oogar attacked the asshole who tripped him. "Wait a sec, Oogar, how did you do that?!…"
"Do what?" Oogar replied.
"Y'know, with the mud and shit. Like… how did you do all that crap?" Angel repeated his question to which the caveman scratched his head, compiling a proper answer.
"Um… Oogar got very angry and… and… uh… saw Angel and mud and… uh… Oogar gonna be real, even Oogar don't know what happened." Oogar confessed, shrugging his shoulders slightly. The spider grunted with exasperation, shifting his attention back to the stain on his suit.
"Well, this is just fuckin' perfect. Exactly what I wanted actually..." Angel grumbled aloud, clearly upset with this whole debacle. Oogar was saddened to see his friend so agitated, he didn't want to make a humiliating journey back home while bystanders pointed and laughed at him for his misfortune. However, noticing that the muddy puddle underneath him still had muck, rainwater, and a leave or two stewing about, the caveman devised quite an odd plan. Scrapping off whatever mire and soot that laid on the sidewalk, the caveman began to slather himself with mud. Rubbing it all over his face and torso, his fur coat now smeared with mud.
"...Okay, I'll bite, what're you doing now?..." Angel questioned, watching as Oogar scooped another handful of muck before dumping it right onto his head. We trails of mud and dirty water slid down his helmet and plopped onto his broad shoulders.
"Oogar don't want Angel to be dirty alone, so Oogar get dirty too!" The caveman said with a jubilant smile, naive to what he had just said. "No one will laugh at Angel, because they'll laugh at Oogar to!"
There was a dirty joke to be found in Oogar's statement but something in Angel prevented him from soiling this moment. Instead, a smile began to form on his visage before the spider demon gave out a hearty laugh. Confused by yet another break of spontaneous laughter, Oogar figured there was no point in questioning it and chuckled alongside his friend. Suddenly, Angel wrapped an arm around Oogar's waist before looking up at him with a shimmering grin.
"Hehe. You're really are something, ain't ya big guy?" The Pornstar giggled before the two continued their way down the sidewalk, sauntering back to the hotel.
"Hoho! But Oogar not something! Oogar is Oogar!" The mammoth demon bellowed with a baritone giggle. It was likely that he might get in trouble with his mothers for ruining his coat though, Oogar didn't seem to mind that one bit.
"You sure are, ya mammoni. And that's why I love ya..." Angel replied, strutting alongside the giant without a care in the underworld. The spider was planning to retreat to his quarters and nap with Fat Nuggets for the rest of the day right when he got back to the hotel.
Though he had to admit, this was also nice.
Millions of Years Ago...
The day was getting late and most of his kinsmen were heading back to their huts after a long eventful day but Dag had decided to deviate from the group by sneaking off into the neighboring woodlands. He crept his way through the dense forest, twigs and leaves crackling underneath his feet. Stopping for a moment, He gazed upward to see the rays of fading sunlight that peaked through the canopy, providing temporary lighting for the tribesman's path.
"Good… We still have time." Dag whispered to himself before turning the other way. "Hurry up! You miss it!"
Following his fellow tribal, Oogar ran over to Dag as fast as he could. The young man almost winded himself, breathing heavily while putting his hands on his knees. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, letting out a sigh before craning his neck up to face his acquaintance.
"Wh-What are… we doing here?…" Oogar said between huffs.
"No time to explain! We'll miss it!" Dag said before he grabbed his partner by the wrist before running further down the trail. Oogar had no other option but to run along with him, nearly stumbling on rocks and overgrown roots that were scattered amongst the soil.
The farther they went, the deeper into the woods they were. For all Oogar could know, they could have been several miles away from the campsite. Just when it seemed as though Dag would traverse any further, he started to slow down. It wasn't long before his sprint devolved into a steady walk, giving Oogar to the proper time to breathe.
"We're here." Dag said, letting go of Oogar's wrist as the young man nearly fell over. Keeping himself elevated with both arms before pushing himself back onto the ground, nearly stumbling over when trying to regain his footing. Once he had gained the right anchorage without his legs buckling from exhaustion, Oogar realized just exactly where he was. Rooted into the soil and standing above the vast canopy was a great oak whose branches stretched out to amazing lengths bedecked in vibrant green leaves.
Standing at the tree's trunk were a few other of his tribesmen who appeared to be the same age as him. All of whom bore different skull helmets as Dag approached the group, greeting them with a wave.
"Dag finally here. No need to wait." He said to his tribesman, a few of which looked over their shoulder to see Oogar, awkwardly standing behind him.
"What!? You brought the outsider!?" One tribal said with annoyance.
"Dag knows he will slow us down. Why bring him here!?" Another one added on while Dag sighed with annoyance.
"Hey, you treat Oogar with respect! He been through enough... Least we can do is let him join us..." Dag retorted before turning to Oogar, gesturing him to approach the tree. While hesitant, the young neanderthal slowly made his way to the tree while the tribals gathered around it. The baboon-skulled tribal suddenly sprung himself up onto the oak tree, digging his nails into the bark before he scaled up into the canopy. One by one each tribal clung onto the treetrunk and climbed their way to the top, disappearing off into the branches.
Leaves and bits of moss fell from the tree during their climb, leaving Oogar behind as he watched from below. Not wanting to be left out, Oogar made his climb up to the oak tree. Oogar pulled himself up further along the tree's trunk, drawing closer to the canopy. After being bed-ridden for nearly a month, this all felt quite bracing for Oogar. However, before the neanderthal could pull himself any higher, he felt suddenly slip when coming across a bed of moss that was stuck to the tree. Right when the young boy could plummet, something snatched him by the hand.
Grabbing ahold of the outsider, Dag managed to save him right when he could falter before steadily pulling him onto the branch he was currently situated on. With the help of his new brother, Oogar successfully pulled himself onto the canopy and while a word of thanks was not shared, the two simultaneously nodded. As the young man took his seat on the branch, his sights were focused on something spectacular left him quite stunned in awe.
Within a violet and tangerine sky, the gleaming afternoon sun made its slow descent while the moon took its place as Earth's watchful sentinel. The chitters of insects and the calls of birds echoed far off in the distance, the endless spans of forest sat still on the earth amidst an inviting summer warmth. For a moment, thoughts of danger and fear had vanished from Oogar's psyche altogether, replaced with the indulgence of simple life pleasures.
"Dag always enjoy coming here, could watch it forever..." Dag remarked, basking in the sunshine brushing against his skin. "What does Oogar think?"
"It's beautiful..." Oogar said with a smile, his eyes unable to move away from the setting sun. Unable to move from such a wonderful view, one that left him feeling warm inside.