Millions of Years Ago...
In the warm confines of his hut, Dag jabbed his spear forward before smoothly spinning around, slashing at the air with a flick of his weapon. Despite having already finished his daily training with Urgora and the moon had risen with most of the tribes fast asleep in their respective huts, it didn't deter Dag from continuing preparation for the great mammoth hunt. He wasn't the only one awake, however, as Oogar was off in the farthest corner of the tent with his legs scrunched up into a ball. Adrift from reality and trapped in his own mindscape.
After a few brisk swings of his spear, Dag unleashed a mighty yell as he leaped several feet forward and jabbed the spear into the ground. The jagged stone blade pierced several inches deep into the soil before the lean neanderthal ripped his weapon from the dirt and cricked his neck. The adolescent felt the exhilaration course through his veins, his heart racing with excitement. Dag was antsy for morning to arrive, so that he may venture out into the uncharted tundra and bask in the glorious hunt for nothing else could be more honorable. The young man turned his head to his tent-mate with a prideful smirk, hoping that his brother would share the same sentiments.
However, Dag's smile diminished into a concerned expression when he saw Oogar's back turned to him. The boy didn't budge an inch from his spot nor did he mutter one word, he was dead silent. There was nary a thought of glory or excitement in his head, instead, there was but a black cloud of dread that loomed over him. No matter what he did to try to get his mind off that fateful night, he always came back to it no matter what. What he feared most of all, however, was seeing that night repeat itself all over again.
Oogar heard the shuffle of footsteps behind him, the boy didn't have to turn around to know it belonged to Dag. Oogar simply made a quiet grunt, lowering his head to a point that his face was buried in his knees. Dag looked back on the horrendous state that Oogar was in when his tribe first found him, laying in the snow on the precipice of death. While it was a comfort to know that he was in a better spot, the horrors of that night still plagued him to this day.
The younger neanderthal felt something brush up against his shoulder, prompting him to crane his head up. Oogar cocked his head to the left to see his brother sitting right by his side, arm around his shoulder. Oogar was taken aback by this gesture as Dag turned to look at him, his features baring a compassionate smile. The boy couldn't help but smile back, the two of them nudging their foreheads together in a comforting embrace.
Despite having lost the ones he loved, Oogar was still willing to go on in this world. Carrying the knowledge that he wouldn't be alone.
Lucifer's Estate...
"Now before anything happens, we must establish some ground rules." Lucifer said, his hands tucked behind his back as he marched down the castle hall while Oogar traipsed along. "Keep an indoor voice and do not put your mouth on anything. Understood?"
"Yes, Gra-…" Oogar paused mid-sentence and stopped in his tracks.
"Hm? What was that?" Lucifer said, glancing over his shoulder. The caveman averted eye contact with the demonic king, a tense feeling began to overtake his gut. After pondering on what he should say to his grandfather, Oogar finally managed a response.
"Yes, sir…" Oogar said with a nod.
"Ah, alright then." Lucifer said, though just as he was about to continue, the King of Hell remembered an utmost important rule. Oogar was about to move along but was halted when Lucifer spun around with an index finger poking against her fluffy chest.
"And one more thing, if you so much as dare lay a finger on my Weird Al Yankovic collection, there will be HORRID consequences…" The King of Hell threatened, his voice depended and his eyes gleamed a murderous red. Oogar fearfully gulped, his body began to shiver with fear at the mere thought of invoking Lucifer's wrath.
"…Ha! I'm just kidding about that last part." Lucifer laughed, his menacing aura practically disappearing. Oogar's eyes darted side to side before he nervously chuckled just play along with his grandfather's joke. Lucifer sighed, wiping a tear from his eye before putting an arm around Oogar's back.
"But seriously, don't touch it. That's like the most cherished thing in my immortal life... Apart from my wife and daughter, I'm not that dedicated." Lucifer admitted before letting go of Oogar and continuing on his way. Lucifer entered into a set of tall double doors at the end of the hallway, leading Oogar into a lavish study complete with a big desk, comfortable chair, and bookshelves that were stocked with Weird Al Yankovic albums. The walls were adorned with portraits and paintings depicting either Lucifer himself, ranging from him depicted as a snake offering a curious woman an apple to him looking upon a heavenly light in the red sky with a middle finger raised up to it.
"Welcome to my quarters, boy. This is where all the paperwork and tax evasion happens." Lucifer said whilst the caveman gaped at this luxurious study room. Suddenly, his chest fur was beginning to pull apart, revealing a singular orange eye peering from his torso. The eye gleamed with wonder from this room, letting out a small gasp of wonderment before quickly hiding away in the caveman's fur before he or Lucifer could notice.
"Now then, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. Just as long as it has nothing to do my old job or Woodstock, Lilith and I did absolutely NOTHING on that day…" Lucifer said, sounding as though he absolutely did something on that faithful day.
"Woodstock? What did little birdie do?" Oogar questioned, misinterpreting his grandpa's last comment. The King of Hell needed to blink twice to fully process the mammoth demon's response.
"Oh, you're completely oblivious. Good, keep it that way." The demonic king replied, his eyes suspiciously darting from side to side. This study was abundant with relics from bygone eras or scandalous misadventures, all of which Lucifer had seen and been through, there was much for them to discuss but one artifact seem to grab Oogar's attention after surveying the area of any potential conversation pieces.
Encased in a large showcase and held up by a pool was a cloak that seemed to be comprised of darkish-brown animal fur on the exterior and red reptilian-like scales on the interior. Something about it drew Oogar's attention compared to the other antiquities that were strewn about the room. The way it was crafted and stitched reminded him of the days when he was alive. Hell, knowing it must have been just as old as him too.
"What that?" Oogar asked, pointing at the garment.
"Hm? Ah, that!" Lucifer said before he and Oogar approached the cloak's display case. "This was the first thing I made when I was banished from heaven. I needed some new clothes since I was stripped of everything such as my halo, my honor, and my clothes. Though, it's a bit of a boring story if you ask me…"
"But Oogar want to hear it." The caveman replied, the demonic king turned to his prehistoric grandson with a slight look of surprise.
"...You do?" Lucifer said, quite bewildered by this. Lilith and Charlie tend to be the only ones who would truly listen to his stories with overlords and other members hailing from demonic royalty either nodding along to his tales or making a painfully-unsubtle attempt in changing the subject.
"Yeah! Oogar wanna know what happened, tell Oogar the story!" Oogar exclaimed, excitedly raising his arms up and bouncing slightly in anticipation. A lively grin formed on Lucifer's visage and an exuberant glow illuminated his eyes.
"I'll gladly tell you!" Lucifer giddily replied before tapping his cane on the floor, a stool materialized from a burst of flames from behind. The King of Hell seated himself onto said stool while Oogar plopped onto the floor, making the room tremble for a split second. Oogar leaned forward with his hands on his cheeks, excited to hear his grandpa's tale.
"So there I was in Primordial Hell! Before demonic society could reach something that was resembling society, though I doubted much had changed in that department." Lucifer said, rambling for a brief moment before returning to the story. "Now, my wife and I had been given the divine boot and spent weeks in the harsh wilderness with nothing but sticks, rocks, and our own wit… Oh, and gunpowder, we beat humans to the punch centuries ago."
"Oooh! Like, the boomsticks?" Oogar gasped.
"Oh yes but we figured that out a decade later. Anyways, despite our physiology being far beyond humans, we needed some clothing to make sure that the days were less agonizing. Tell me, my boy, ever heard of a behemoth?" Lucifer asked, the caveman tugged on his own beard and pondered on Lucifer's question.
"Hmm… Bee… Mammoth… Mammoth that eats bees?" Oogar answered. "Oogar tried to eat bees once. Turns out it was honey you had to eat…"
"HAHA! Ooh… No, not even close but… I'd certainly love to hear more of THAT story." Lucifer laughed, wiping a tear from his eye before clearing his throat to continue his tale.
"Now a behemoth is quite the dangerous beast. Bigger than a mammoth and meaner than a Tyrannosaur with bronze bones and iron limbs, they were truly a force to be reckoned with." Lucifer recounted, Oogar's mind running wild with the description given to him.
"In fact, did you know that they caused hellshakes just by walking? I certainly knew that when I was trying to…" Lucifer paused for a second and his eyes darted at Oogar, debating on whether or not to sully his grandson's innocence on his daughter.
"…enjoy some quiet time with Lilith. Quite rude for one to disturb the serenity like that, but what can ya do?" The king of hell said with a shrug.
"Well… What did you do?" Oogar asked, curiously tilting his head slightly.
"Oh, simple! I got up, broke off a branch from a tree, and proceeded to get into the most dangerous fight of my whole immortal life!" Lucifer exclaimed, springing out from his seat and striking a dramatic pose, wowing his grandson with his declaration. "…Which was basically an average Tuesday for me."
"Wooooah… Grandpa has the radical! Oogar don't know what that is but… RADICAL!" Oogar complimented.
"Hoho, why yes. It was, as the youth calls it, rad!" Lucifer replied with a chuckle.
"But the battle was certainly no walk in the park. The Behemoth certainly put up a fight! Its hide was nigh impenetrable and its strength was unlike any other beast to walk primordial hell. A true juggernaut! You could feel his footsteps from a mile away" Lucifer said, stomping loudly with a boisterous march to emulate the monster's dreadful footsteps. He clomped around Oogar in a circular formation as the caveman tensed up for this thrilling tale.
"BOOM! BOOM! BOOM, I SAY!" The King of Hell exclaimed, his excentric utilization of onomatopoeia making his prehistoric grandson jump slightly.
"He growled and snarled, attempting to crush me with his razor-sharp teeth and massive claws! GRRARRGGH! RRGGHH!" The Fallen Angel would start to imitate the snarling of a wild animal, swiping his claws at Oogar, who backed away slightly. There was even foam that started to seep and bubble from Lucifer's mouth.
"Every weapon thrown at beast merely snapped from its unbreakable frame. Spears, sticks, rocks, and even bananas. All of it did nothing to impede the beast..." Lucifer suddenly paused for a moment in a mighty stance before his lips molded into a toothy grin. "...But it had a weakness~"
"It did?"
"IT DID, YES!~" Lucifer bellowed, zipping up to his grandson with his face uncomfortably close to his. The caveman flinched at this sudden invasion of personal space as his grandfather lurched back and placed one foot onto the sitting stool.
"Like Achilles, his body was invincible, all except for one spot. It's neck!" The King of Hell said, triumphantly raising a hand before a plume of fire erupted from his palm. Materializing into that of a rapier before giving it a few brisk swings.
"After outwitting the beast by trapping it in a great landside beneath a mountain, all it took was one precise and strong strong jab and through the nape of its neck!" Lucifer leaped from the stool and plunged his sword into the floor, the blade's tip piercing the marble floor. "When the killing blow landed, the beast collapsed dead on the ground. His body was so colossal in size that it became a new haven for life itself..."
"Ooooh... That... VERY rad!" The caveman was in awe at this tale, he could already picture the aftermath in his own head almost like a page ripped from a comic book. Lucifer himself stood atop the behemoth's mountainous corpse with a spear in hand and his cloak waving along the cool breeze as the hellish sun dawned its unholy rays on his pale skin. This story from long ago gave Oogar an idea, to spin his tales before he had been dispelled here in hell. While he certainly didn't have an epic quite like his grandfather, they were certainly worth telling.
"Oogar... have a story to tell..." Oogar peeped out, curiously anticipating Lucifer's answer. The Fallen Angel glanced down at Oogar, his eyes widened with intrigue as he wrenched the sword from the ground.
"You have a story?..." Lucifer replied, Oogar nodding in response to his inquiry.
"Mhm... Oogar killed snake when he was only a boy." The Neanderthal spoke up, the top-hatted king merely giving a neutral expression to such a gruesome story.
"...Well, you're not just going to leave me hanging like that. Please, tell me about it!" He excitedly squealed, his display of jubilance throwing the larger demon off guard.
"Really?..." Oogar said, taken aback by the demonic king's response. Considering his ranking as a sinner and his grandfather being the literal ruler of Hell, the mammoth demon was anticipating a firm no as his response.
"Of course, of course! When you're as old as me, you see a PLETHORA of historical eras come and go. The fall of the Roman Empire was my favorite, only beating out the trainwreck that was Fascist Italy." Lucifer elaborated before inching the sitting stool over to his primitive grandson before sitting on the floor.
"But I always was curious about what life was like for those mortals. And what better period where infant mortality was at its highest than the savage ages! So please, tell me everything, my dear boy!" The Fallen Angel eagerly gestured for Oogar to take a seat on the story stool. The caveman picked himself off the floor and looked down at the footstool that barely touched his shin. The shaggy giant helped himself to a seat on the stool, although he proved to be way too big for it, the beast didn't seem to mind at all.
"Okay, Grandpa ready?" Oogar asked, his grandpa gave him an 'OK' sign to signify that he was ready to listen. With everything set and done, Oogar prepared to weave his grandpa a story but right before he could get one word out, he felt as though the floor was beginning to shake. Oogar knew for a fact that he wasn't responsible this time and Lucifer knew it too, the King of Hell looking around his study to route out the source.
"What the me is it no-...Oh no, please. Not now, NOT NOW!..." Lucifer cursed with dreadful realization kicking in while Oogar stood up from his seat, tensing up for whatever may happen. "They must have bribed the guards again..."
"What is it!? Did the Bee Mammoth come back!?" Oogar said, putting up his dukes in case a fight were to break out. The rumbling seemed to be coming outside, sounding as though it were a stampede heading straight towards the door.
"No, much worse than that. It's... IT'S..." The Fallen Angel could only step back in horror as whatever was making its way to his study banged against the door like a horde of starving zombies. The murmuring of a thousand people was just on the other side of the door, Hell's King could only slump his shoulders and sigh with anguish for what waited for him.
"Grovelers." Lucifer breathed out before the massive door swung open and out poured nearly hundreds upon hundreds of demons from varying shapes and sizes, all rushing in. Every member in this demonic horde had only two things in common, loose connections to the royal family thanks to their mother, father, uncle, aunt, or half-cousin, along with a need for higher social status. And what better way to gain greater repute than to bother the king himself until he caved in? They all rushed past Oogar, pushing him to the wayside, barely acknowledging his existence though a few grovelers were unkind enough to hurl an insult or two at him.
"Make way, freak!" One rich beggar shouted.
"Move, sinner trash!" Another rebuked, the crowd carelessly shoving the massive demon aside whilst a few were trampled in the stampede. Every demon all started crowding Lucifer, showering him with an endless supply of empty compliments and boot licking. Hoping for a blessing bestowed upon them much to the king's ire.
They tugged at his sleeve and pulled on his leg, forced to listen to their nonstop chattering. Some were louder than others, people were crashing and bumping into one another, the chaos drowning out the distraught cries of the king's grandson.
"Hey! Stop, Oogar wanted to tell story!" The mammoth demon bellowed out, but his voice went unheard in the sea of groveling aristocrats. Lucifer was the only person to have heard the giant's plea, displeased that his story was interrupted by a cacophony of fawners trying to schmooze their way into higher status. Though, this all started to give the Demon of Pride a juicy idea.
"King Lucifer, I do believe that my father was good acquaintances with you. I was wondering if you could give me an allowance since he isn't letting me buy that car I wanted!"
"Your majesty, would you be so willing for a five-minute back rub? In exchange, could I have about fifty thousand souls?"
"King Lucifer! King Lucifer! Would appoint me as second in command if I offer you half a candy bar? You can trust me on this!"
"ENOUGH!"
The whole crowd's yammering was reduced to deafening silence when Lucifer's booming voice erupted throughout the room. Anyone who had gotten too close for comfort was even pushed back from the explosive soundwaves that emanate from his shout, crashing right into the surrounding crowd leading to most of the blueblooded beggars collapsing onto the floor. Every hair on Oogar's body stood up when Lucifer made his blood-curdling roar, even a giant like him was stricken with fear.
"...Now then," Lucifer said after taking a deep breath, slicking his hair back for a quick fix to his hair. "I have a proposition for everyone."
If anyone wasn't listening, they certainly were now. The grovelers who were knocked over immediately sprung back to their feet, lining up in a perfect formation. Each audience member was greatly anticipating what the King of Hell had to say.
"I'm going to tell every one of you a story from my youth. I want all of you to listen because I plan on asking a surprise question. Anyone who answers right gets a special prize from me. Any objections?" Lucifer asked, awaiting a response from the crowd. A small handful of grovelers raised their hands and in response, Lucifer snapped his fingers, and the poor fools who had their hands raised combusted into a plume of hellfire. Once the flames died down, they were but charred skeletons with smoke resonating off their singed bones.
"...Ow." One skeleton murmured before his body crumbled into a heap of ash, its skull the only thing left intact.
"Anyone else?" Lucifer said an eerie smile, his eyes darting from every which angle for anyone to respond. Thankfully, everyone was kept their mouths shut altogether and said not a single word.
"Goodie, let's begin!" The Fallen Angel announced before snapping his fingers yet again, the sconces that illuminated the room were extinguished. The whole office was shrouded in darkness until a ray of light flickered in the blackness, shining down on Lucifer's desk revealing Hell's King sitting upon it with a knuckle against his chin and a look of concentration on his face. He stood motionless for nearly a minute, leaving the crowd guessing as to what his next move may be.
"SO THERE I WAS!... All alone with my own thoughts." Lucifer suddenly boomed, springing up onto his feet in a split second. Basking in the spotlight as he steadily strode along his desk.
"Civilization was slowly starting to bloom in Hell but I needed time to ponder on where to go next." When the demonic king reached the desk's edge, he sat onto it before craning his neck up into the bracing spotlight with a hand extended outwards to the light. "I saw Heaven dancing above my head as I looked up into the blood-red skies, I could hear the chortling of a thousand angels. All sneering at my fall from grace as I was ripped away from their ethereal world. The lord himself cursed me and all I could do was curse back..."
Lucifer rose back to his feet at a calm yet menacing pace, the gleaming white light turned into a sickly crimson as Lucifer's eyes began to flicker with hellfire and twisted, ebony horns started to grow from his head. His body resonated an unpleasant heat that swept through the office, a few audience members almost passed out as a result of it. Oogar leaned against the pillar and took his helmet off to wipe off a heap of sweat from his brow. The arm hidden inside his chest emerged from his chest, holding a handheld fan as she flapped it up and down. Fanning the caveman with a pleasant breeze, the mammoth demon was caught up in relief to a point where he didn't even notice the arm sticking out from his torso.
"And so I said for not just all the seven circles to hear but for the angels who dared laugh at me at my lowest point..." The demon took in a deep breath before unleashing a primal scream of hellish fury that struck fear into the prying eyes of grovelers as plumes of fire erupted behind him.
"LAUGH AT ME ALL YOU WANT, I'D RATHER BE STUCK IN THIS FORSAKEN LANDFILL THAT YOU'VE CAST ME INTO THAN ABIDE BY YOUR LAWS. YOU CAN SEND YOUR EXTERMINATORS AND SLAUGHTER MY PEOPLE ALL YOU WANT WHILE YOU LOUNGE AROUND ON YOUR ASSES DOING NOTHING. BUT YOU WILL NEVER BRING ME DOWN. NO ONE, BE HE MAN, DEMON, ANGEL, OR EVEN THE LORD HIMSELF, WILL EVER BRING LUCIFER TO HIS KNEES!"
The fire dispersed once the words had left Lucifer's mouth, all that remained were mere trails of smoke escaped through the open windows and carried off by the wind. Despite having screamed his lungs out, The King of Hell didn't require a moment to catch his breath as he continued onward with his story, carefully stepping off the desk and approaching the audience with a moderate saunter.
"Though it seemed that not only was heaven laughing at me that night, but it was listening." The Fallen Angel said as the crowd quickly broke apart to make way for their king."And can already see that condescending smirk on the lord's face as he bewitched me a miracle as if to say 'Very well then' and it all started when the moon took hold."
Lucifer suddenly withdrew his cane and slammed its heel against the ground. The stone walls and alabaster floors of the office gradually faded away and in their place was a starry, red cosmos and above their heads was a projection of the unholy moon that cursed every passing night in hell. Everyone in the room looked on with awe, trapped in this cosmic illusion. Oogar's eyes were plastered on the moon, unaware that a bright orange eye was peaking its way through his woolly chest.
"As I cursed the heavens for damning me so, a blinding shooting star flickered in the atmosphere and sped past the stars. At first, I initially thought it was the lord flaunting his superiority over me. It was until I noticed it was a little closer to the moon." The Fallen Angel said before the worm-like snake wrapped around his hat unraveled itself from its crown and rocketed into the pseudo-cosmos with its trajectory set on the moon, its pink body illuminating in a vibrant golden radiance. As it whizzed towards the luna, the sparkling trail of light that followed the snake began to elongate and even twist and convulse into an abnormal length.
"As drew closer to the moon, the realization struck me. That was no shooting star that passed over Hell..." Lucifer growled out with biting contempt as the adorable snake's head morphed into a monstrous serpent head while the cascading light shifted into a slender, limbless body bedecked in shiny golden scales. Its whole body now stretching wider than the moon itself.
"Jörmungandr, The World Serpent itself had traveled far from the nine realms after having a few too many blows to the head and a dozen rounds of hard ale, shitfaced to a point that he devoured many moons and planets to satiate its unyielding hunger!" The King of Hell continued as the snake-like projection opened its jaws, swallowing several planets that were mere appetizers to a galaxy-sized beast. The whole crowd unanimously gasped from such a beast, Oogar especially. He was already astonished by the story of the behemoth but the thought that such a creature larger than that made his primitive mind run wild of what other colossal beasts the supernatural world had to offer.
"I, for one, didn't take his unforeseen visit quite well and since I needed an outlet for my unending wrath towards heaven, I'd say I needed something to relieve my stress..." Lucifer said, his grip on his cane tightening and before anyone could react, the demonic king unsheathed a long, thin rapier that was hidden away in his cane. With his newfound sword, Lucifer directed upwards to the illusion of the massive serpent before a pair of ebony wings unfurled from his back.
"AND SO THE BATTLE BEGAN! HA!" The Fallen King shouted as he took off into the false stars with a push of his wings, his hat flying right off of his head as he careened towards the planet-sized serpentine. Right when the World Serpent could open its jaws, Jörmungandr overheard the screams from Lucifer as it moved its head over to see the Fallen Angel hurling straight towards him. The snake redirected itself towards the demon king with its maw wide open and its fangs on full display. As they closed the distance between one another, Jörmungandr chomped down on the Fallen Angel upon getting into close proximity but Lucifer anticipated this attack and as such, stabbed his blade into the roof of the snake's mouth. Keeping its jaws pried open.
"Tooth and claw clashed against one another! Sanke against snake, metaphorical against literal!" The Demonic King proclaimed before wrenching his rapier from the snake's palate. Jörmungandr clamped its jaws with the demonic king still in his mouth, trying in vain to swallow him but its attempts never came through as Lucifer forcibly erupted from his maw before scoring a slash right across its face. The beast hissed with contempt, shooting forward as Lucifer parried its mountain-sized fangs with precise flicks of his blade.
"With every clash, the stars all around would scurry about in the night sky like a wild hailstorm!" He exclaimed and on cue with his narration, the stars in the cosmic illusion scattered in differing directions in a frantic light show. The massive snake projection attempted to wrangle Lucifer by ensuring him in his golden coils only for Lucifer to slip right out of the serpent's clutches before the beast could have a chance to squeeze the life out of him. The Fallen Angel soared as high as his wings could allow before glaring down at Jörmungandr, who lunged at the demonic king in a blind fury.
"He was quite the erratic opponent that Jörmungandr, however, someone needed to bring him down to earth!" Lucifer said and with a determined cry, he plunged downwards with his blade aiming for the serpent's slender body. The planet-sized serpentine unleashed a hiss that rattled the stars, hurling toward the demonic king for the umpteenth time. The Fallen Angel gracefully weaved right over the snake's head, its massive body passing right underneath him like a moving train. Channeling all momentum into his blade, Lucifer thrust the saber right into the midbody of the serpent with a forcible push.
Jörmungandr unleashed a sonorous roar of pain and rage, its massive body descending onto Hell's surface, or in this case the office's floor. As the serpent came crashing down, onlookers scattered around to make way for the falling beast with a few even climbing right on top of Oogar for safety... Only to immediately dive back into the frantic stampede when they realized that they were in physical contact with a commoner.
A wide and long enough space was formed, giving enough room for both Lucifer and the snake to make their fall. Once the massive serpentine collided with the floor, a dusty explosion of golden powder overtook the room in its entirety. The listeners coughed and gagged, shielding their eyes to prevent the dust from impairing their vision. The dust had enveloped Oogar's whole entire body before scattering into different directions when he sneezed through there were small particles lingering in his fur. Even when caught in a dust cloud, Lucifer's voice could still be heard.
"As Jörmungandr's body smashed against the hellish surface, its enormous body left a remarkably sizeable ravine in his wake." The Fallen Angel continued on before his silhouette could be made out in the dust cloud, standing atop the massive serpent's head. The monster appeared to be incapacitated at the moment but its long body spasmed and jittered for a few split seconds, indicating that the enormous snake was very much still alive.
"But the World Serpent wasn't one to go down without a fight..." Hell's King emphasized with a dramatic pause, allowing Jörmungandr to slowly rise its head off the ground while an enraged hiss resonated through the cosmic walls. "And next thing I knew, I was in for the ride of my life!"
Without any warning, the massive snake darted its way through the room at high speeds while Lucifer straddled himself onto the serpent's neck. The snake wildly bucked and thrashed about in an effort to shake the fallen angel off of him but Lucifer held on tight. Upon reaching the end of the room, Jörmungandr's whole body trailed up the walls at a ninety-degree slope and briskly slithered along the ceiling but even then that wasn't enough to loosen the demonic king's grip on him. The leviathan serpent began to move around the loopty-loop formation as the listeners stood back, their eyes starting to swirl around from following the snake's movement pattern to a point of becoming dizzy.
"Try as he might, this surly serpent couldn't shake me off no matter how hard he tried! He went back!..."
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
The serpent went careening down into the left-hand side of the room, bulldozing through grovellers who didn't move out of the way in time.
"AND FORTH!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
Making a sudden U-turn, Jörmungandr came roaring down to the right-hand end of the office, swiftly passing by Oogar and other listeners, who were nearly blown away by the mighty wind current that followed the snake. So much so, that it sent hats, monocles, mustaches, and toupees flying right off their faces! The gigantic serpent continued to dart back and forth with Lucifer narrating its movements.
"BACK!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"FORTH!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"BACK!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"FORTH!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"BACK!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"FORTH!"
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
"BUT HE COULD NEVER THROW ME OFF!..." Lucifer pridefully declared as the snake stopped in the center of the office, his hands still digging into its scaley neck with an unbreakable grip. However, the serpent leaned its head back and sent the Fallen Angel flying right into the audience, crashing right smack into a crowd member that broke the king's fall.
"...Until he did." Lucifer deadpanned before springing back into the action with his sword tightly clenched, standing before the enraged beast. "This ravaging battle was nearing its conclusion and only one can walk from this alive. It was either I, along with the rest of hell, end up in the belly of the beast or that I would drown this monster in its own blood. There was only one way to truly answer that question..."
Lucifer and Jörmungandr stared each other down, carefully circling one another for their final confrontation. The grovellers were antsy to see the story reach this conclusion so that they could finally receive a blessing from their king. Oogar, however, was enthralled by this story, his heart racing with excitement for this thrilling ending that would leave him speechless. In the blink of an eye, the World Serpent and the archdemon lunged toward each other. The Serpent's jaws opened as wide as they could to swallow the demonic king whole while Lucifer calmly pulled his sword back.
The distance between the two gradually closed at an alarming rate before they met head-on. Jörmungandr dove its head in a downward motion while Lucifer ducked right underneath the serpent at the last second.
Jörmungandr missed it by a hair's length and capitalizing on the mistake, Lucifer thrust the sword into the underbelly of the moving serpent...
SCHNRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKK...
As the serpent passed over the former archangel, its eyes turned glassy and a pained screech escaped its maw. Running along Jörmungandr's ventral was an incision that stretched nearly several miles until reaching the end of its tail. The snake writhed and hissed with agony and contempt as red streamers exploded from its wound, spilling out onto the floor. Its movements began to stagnate and languish before becoming as still as a statue. As the last few ribbons bled out from its wound, the fearsome serpent began to gradually shrink in size, the gash on its underbelly closed up, and its golden scales changed back to pink.
Fully back to its original state, Lucifer's pet snake gave a noble bow to its audience before slithering back to his master. The Fallen Angel sheathed his blade and retrieved his hat, placing it right back atop his head. His hat snake quickly climbed its way up the fallen angel's legs, slithering up to his shoulders before comfortably wrapping itself around the demonic king's hat.
"And that, my friends, is how the blood lake came to be!" Lucifer proceeded to take a bow for his jubilant performance, the audience seeing this as a cue for applause. Oogar happily clapped his hands, hopping up and down to a point that it caused a small-scale tremor that sent any nearby demons scattering into different directions.
"Bravo! A Brilliant showcase, absolutely stunning!" One groveller commented.
"Yes, yes. Any form of theatre pales in comparison to you, my lord." Another chirped in, still hoping to get on his good side.
"Can I have some money now?" One final beggar chirped out, not even trying to hide his entitlement.
"Thank you, thank you very much. You're all too kind!" Lucifer thanked with a cheek-to-cheek smile before turning to the whole crowd. "And now for that question, you've all waiting for. What exactly was the root cause of this battle, yes?"
"Oh, why, it was that dreadful snake trying to devour hell! Obviously!" A groveller proclaimed.
"Of course it was! I was the one who thought of it first, so I deserve all the credit!" A second entitled rich kid chimed in only to be shoved to the side by another groveller.
"I knew it before both of you, plus I have more money so that means I automatically win!" She exclaimed before being struck right square in the head by a blunt object courtesy of yet another groveller.
"NO, I HAVE MONEY! I WIN!"
"No, I did!"
"Nuh-uh! Shut up or I'll tell my mom on you!"
Like clockwork, this lead to a massive quarrel between bickering rich folk who claimed to know the answer while also using their own status as a means of credibility. Amongst the sea of obnoxious prattle, however, Oogar silently raised his hand.
"Oogar know the answer!" He hollered loud enough for the entire crowd to cease their jabbering before simultaneously turning their heads to directly to face the mammoth demon, who had stayed quiet in the background for all this time.
"Lou...see...furr yelled at the Lord Man! The Lord Man didn't like Lou yelling, sent giant snake! Yes..." The caveman gave his honest to Satan answer, his response being met with a brief few seconds of silence before the whole crowd began to break into mocking laughter. Astonished that their intelligence was insulted by such a ridiculous answer. Oogar's eyes darted from side to side, a saddened expression could be seen in his eyes as lowered his head in humiliation.
"Actually, that was right!" Lucifer suddenly announced, the laughter dying down as soon as those words left his mouth. Every rich groveller who was laughing quickly ceased while their eyes grew to the size of dinner plates when they heard their king. Oogar's head perked up, surprised by this unexpected twist of events.
"I flipped the lord the bird, yes. In turn, the lord flipped the bird back at me with a giant planet-eating snake. Gotta say, it really hissed me! Ahaha!" The Fallen Angel laughed at his own lame joke, the only person who laughed with him was his prehistoric grandson while the rest were left dumbfounded.
"Ohoho! Guess Grandpa made uh... HISSS-tory!" Oogar replied with a pun of his own.
"BWHAHA! Good one, my boy!" Lucifer chuckled with mirth, slapping his own knee. The rich folk who had rudely burst into Lucifer's office were left in awe, sharing the same staggered grimaces. Unable to wrap their heads around the fact that a sinner managed to beat all of them.
"Bu-bu-but... We... I... You... Snake... Half a candy bar..." One of the many grovellers peeped out, stammering on their own words.
"Well then, the winner has been made. You all may leave, yes?" Hell's King said with false sincerity, sparking outrage amongst the entitled crowd.
"This is an outrage! I am... uh... we are deserving of your fortune more than that bea-" Before they could all start lampooning his grandson, Lucifer suddenly grew to a gargantuan size, almost reaching the ceiling. His eyes turned blood red and a pair of curved black horns jutted from his head, striking terror into the snooty demons as hellfire erupted from his palms.
"̧͝Í̷̷ ͘͠Ş̴̛̀A̶̢I҉͢͡͞D̴̴͟͝͏ ͏͞L̸̸̸̴͟Ę͠A̛͞V̀̀́͟E͘͘͢͏̵.̴̢́"̡̡ The King of Hell roared with a demonic, garbled voice. Seeing this as their cue to run for the hills, the grovelers saw themselves to the door in a terror-fueled stampede all while screaming like frightened little school children. The office was now occupied by merely two souls, Lucifer and Oogar, the former of which reverted back to his previous form.
"Ah... Finally. Thought they'd never leave..." Lucifer sighed to himself aloud before turning to his grandson. "Sincerest apologies for that rude interruption, my boy. I'm going to have a very stern talk with my guards for this."
"It okay. Oogar liked story though! But what happened to snake?" Oogar questioned.
"Hm? Oh, uh, he got better. Had a kid or something, I dunno. But that's not important!" said Hell's King as he promptly kicked the same story-telling stool right over to the caveman. Lucifer proceeded to lay down on his tummy and put his hands on his cheeks.
"Now then, I believe you were due a story!" Lucifer said with enthusiasm, Oogar couldn't help but smile as he took his seat. And without any delays or snot-nosed rich kids hindering him, he could finally spin his tale.
"It all started when Oogar was a boy..."
One hour later...
"Your room, sir." The butler said, standing by the doorway. Oogar marched into the bedroom door, scrunching his broad shoulders so that he could make a more accessible entrance. Though upon stepping into the room, he bumped his head against the ceiling, forcing the giant to crouch down so as to properly fit. Oogar got a good analysis of the bedroom that he would be staying in; at first glance, it seemed adequate for the most part. Red wallpaper with gold strips, a singular bed meant for one person, a closet, frames depicting photos taken from the circus, and even a dollhouse occupied by various porcelain dolls that may or may not be alive, complete with the need to stab someone.
Oogar meandered his way across the room and collapsed onto his bed, the bedframe nearly caving in from his colossal weight dropping on the mattress. While the bed proved to be too small due to his legs sticking out from the footboard, Oogar didn't particularly mind it too much and merely stared off at the ceiling. The behemoth took a deep breath and gently exhaled, putting his hands on his chest. While his interaction with Lucifer was quite pleasant and Lilith displayed a similar level of benevolence, he was still anxious for the ball tonight. He could already feel the eyes of a thousand strangers peering at him, judging his every move. However, he had plenty of time to clear his head of any lingering doubt.
Resting his head against the pillow, Oogar figured he was due for some much-needed shuteye after a long travel home. The caveman closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep, however, not even a minute later, he felt an itch around his chest region. Oogar thought little of it as he scratched his torso and resumed his nap, but the mammoth demon felt that itch return, only it came back stronger. The caveman clawed at his own fur in an effort to relieve the tingly sensation but came to a stop when he noticed that his chest fur was being to ruffle and shift on its own.
Without warning, a dark pink hand arose out of Oogar's chest, the caveman yelped in surprise by this sudden turn of events. Another arm emerged from the behemoth's thick hide, followed by a head of scarlet red that was beginning to poke out from Oogar's torso. Emerging from the caveman's chest with a desperate gasp for air, Niffty stumbled out of Oogar's chest and hobbled down his abdomen.
"OH... MY... GOODNESS! I thought... ufff... I was gonna... ufff... die a second time..." Niffty said between breaths, her shaky knees struggling to keep herself standing as the one-eyed maid flopped onto the caveman's abdomen.
"NIFFTY! WHAT YOU DOING HERE!?" Oogar yelled with confusion, although he did keep his body still so as not to let his friend fall off his stomach. "And... we're you in Oogar's floof all this time!?"
"Gimme a second, Oogar... Gotta.. uffff... Gotta breathe..." She murmured before pulling herself back onto her stubby feet. Niffty then threw back her head and unleashed a shrill, sickly breath that sounded less like she was catching her breath and more like she was taking her last. The cyclopean froze like a statue for a few seconds before promptly snapping into her usual self as though she hadn't been hiding in Oogar's fur whilst holding her breath.
"Okay, now we're good!" Niffty said with a thumbs-up before plopping herself right on top of Oogar's fuzzy chest, laying down on her stomach with her hands on her cheeks and legs up in the air.
"So, how ya doing?" The cyclopean casually asked.
"Why Niffty here? Niffty should be back at hotel..." Oogar said, still baffled by his friend's sudden appearance and the thought that she was hiding in his fur this whole time.
"Oh yeah, that whole thing! Well, I actually wanted to see what demon royalty was like so I decided to sneak into your chest fluff while you weren't looking!" The cyclopean explained, rolling over onto her back with her legs still sticking in the air.
"In case you're wondering, by the way, did tell Husk and Al about what I was going to do so no need to worry about that. Although, Husk told me that what I was going to do is completely stupid and would likely get me killed so naturally, it was up my alley!~" Niffty continued, giggling at the fact her own life was in potential danger.
"Okay, well... Oogar don't know if Niffty can come. She not allowed inside and..." Oogar paused briefly before a harrowed groan blew through his beard, the caveman's head sinking further into his pillow. "Neither is Oogar."
"What's the matter?" The cyclopean asked, rolling back onto her tummy before scooting herself. The caveman craned his neck up slightly and looked into Niffty's singular eye before sighing again.
"Oogar don't feel like Oogar should be here. Everyone here dress good, talk good, and smell good. Everyone here good. Too good..." The caveman remarked before his head dropped back on the pillow, staring off into the ceiling.
"And Oogar... He's not good here." Oogar lamented, a sensation of ridicule starting to fester in his stomach to a point of aching. In response, Niffty gave Oogar tight hug, her arms wrapping around his back and her cheek pressed against his snuggly fur.
"Awwww, don't say that about yourself, big guy. I think you're pretty swell, Oogar! I know Ms. Charlie and Ms. Vaggie love you A LOT too!" Niffty encouraged, hoping to instill some hope in her ginormous friend. "Trust me, I saw them nearly break down crying when they saw you put on that tiny cowboy hat!"
"What can Oogar say? Oogar's the sheriff!" Oogar pridefully boasted, reminiscing about those days of the made-pretend wild west.
"Heck yeah, you're the sheriff! And guess what, I saw that conversation you and Lucifer had and he fell in love with ya! And if the King of Hell likes you, I'm sure everyone else will!" Niffty exclaimed with jubilance, her words did seem to spark a bit of confidence in the prehistoric demon.
"If Grandpa liked Oogar and everyone likes Grandpa... Maybe they might like Oogar!" The caveman said, a jolt of optimism was beginning to surge only to be dulled out by a new intrusive thought.
"But... Everyone is also fancy. Oogar not fancy, Oogar is Oogar..." The behemoth said before slumping back onto the bed.
"Hmm... Wait... I GOT IT!" Niffty put a hand on her chin and pondered for a moment before an idea suddenly dawned on her, snapping her fingers to her own epiphany. "You may be Oogar, but what if we made you fancy AND Oogar, Oogar?"
"...Oogar have no idea what you just said." Oogar bluntly replied.
"Don't you see? I can teach you how to be fancy!" Niffty purposed before pulling out a plethora of magazines that she kept stashed in her skirt pocket somehow. She opened one of the magazines and held it out for Oogar to see, the print showcased sharply dressed demons enjoying their luxurious, rich lifestyle of booze, cigars, and adultery.
"Oooh... But, the ball is this moonrise. Oogar don't think we have time!" Oogar said, only for Niffty to drop an entire stack of magazines onto the bed, the mattress rattling from the weight dropping down on it.
"Nonsense! After a few hours of practice and last-minute cramming, you'll be rubbin' shoulders with high society in no time!" Niffty assured before quickly yanking out a magazine from the stack and opening it, the first thing she saw was a handsome demon dressed in a suit.
"Rule one, you're gonna need to look the part. Stand up straight!" The cyclopean instructed, prompting the mammoth demon to pick himself off the bed. The moment he tried to get stand up, his head bonked against the ceiling. Oogar bent his knees a little to give him room only for Niffty to stop him.
"Hey! I said stand up straight! You gotta look like you got class." Niffty firmly commanded, the caveman raised a brow at this but ultimately went along with her orders. Oogar hastily stood fully upright, only for his head to smash right into the ceiling. Dust and debris showered onto his head and shoulders while Niffty leaped onto Ogar's abdomen and climbed up to his shoulders, slapping on a fake handlebar mustache on his beard and situating a plastic monocle on his right eye.
"Mwah! Beautiful, you already look like a class act gentlemen!" The cyclopean complimented, giving a chef's kiss to her sloppily put-together work before shifting her focus back to her magazine.
"Alright, rule two, you must have a large accumulation of wealth to a point where you would rub it into other people's faces. How much money do ya got, Oogar?" Niffty asked, prompting the caveman to search into his own hide. After a quick search, Oogar pulled out his current allowance which consisted of four crumpled-up dollar bills, a few coins, and a discarded candy bar wrapper.
"Hmm... I dunno if I'd consider that worthy of bragging right, but don't worry! I got a solution!" She assured before rummaging through her skirt pocket, pulling out a large bundle of Souls, but upon further inspection, the bills depicted Niffty's own grinning visage imprinted on the paper.
"Behold! Niffty's Phoney-Baloney Bucks, perfect for getting those pesky tax collectors off your back!" Niffty said before placing the wad of pseudo-cash in Oogar's hand.
"But, this money fake." Oogar replied, incredulous at the idea of totting around fake money to boost his social status.
"Well, yeah, but rich folks will eat it up just fine. Just fan yourself with a hefty stack and they'll be bowing to you in no time. Besides, it's better than using crypto!" The one-eyed cleaning lady said before bursting into laughter, Oogar chuckling alongside her.
"Hohoho!... What's a crypto?" The caveman bluntly asked.
"Eh, something idiots do on the internet." Niffty replied with a careless shrug.
"What's a internet?" Oogar inquired but his friend had already moved on to the next step and ignored the mammoth demon's question.
"Alrighty, rule three, be prejudice towards any and all... Oh. Oh no." The cyclopean paused for a moment, her smile faded and a cold sweat ran down her spine. She glanced at Oogar for a split second before sputtering out a nervous giggle.
"...Okay, let's skip this one. Rule four, speak with fancy big words and act like you know what they mean." Niffty said whilst crossing out the previous step with a magic marker.
"Oooh, that easy! Oogar just learned a new word today." Oogar said before taking in a deep breath to announce his discovery in the English lexicon. "Dongle."
"Well, that's a good one but there's a lot more to it. I should know, Alastor says A LOT of fancy words a lot and sometimes I document them! See?" She said before pulling out a long list of words that looked and sounded so foreign to the caveman.
"Now I'm gonna say a word and you repeat it after me." The neurotic maid said, clearing her throat before skidding her finger across the paper. Skimming through each and every word until she happened upon a good starter. After an extensive search, she found the right word.
"Okay, here's a simple one! Whom." Niffty said, awaiting for Oogar to repeat after her.
"Whom." Oogar said with a neutral tone of voice, though it didn't seem to mesh well with Niffty.
"Eeeeh... You sound too casual, be a bit firmer." The smaller demon critiqued the caveman's casual delivery.
"Errr... Whom!" The mammoth demon repeated with a more assertive infliction added to his voice.
"That's right! Now then perhaps!"
"Perhaps!"
"Okay, but louder! You're a man of the upper crust and you gotta be part of the pie, Oogar! BE PART OF THAT PIE, I SAY!"
"PERHAPS!"
"THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! FURTHERMORE!"
"FURTHERMORE!"
"BOONDOGGLE!"
"BOONDOGGLE!"
"TAX EVASION!"
"TAX EVASION!"
Lucifer's Office...
Scribbling away at some last-minute paperwork, Lucifer was hunched over his desk while his pen scrawled along the piece of paper. The King of Hell continued to toil away in his office only to crane his neck when he heard a faint voice yelling out, one that was audible enough to reach his quarters.
"ᴛᴀx ᴇᴠᴀsɪᴏɴ!"
"Ugh... I'm getting to that dear, Please don't rush me!" Lucifer groaned before resuming his work. "Bah! The IRS, what a joke. Why should I be afraid of 'em? I'm the fucking devil..."