Hatred, disgust, and … fear. Those were the emotions that were clearly etched in Ye Xiwu's face as she glared at Tantai Jin on that fateful day at the Sheng Kingdom, when he lost his mother's ashes, when he killed the Sheng Emperor and Yingxin, and when Nian Baiyu reported that Ye Xiwu had gone to Xiao Lin against his orders.

Tantai Jin sighed and looked up the dreary stone ceiling at the Tantai Mausoleum. He remembered how, in the face of her betrayal, he had angrily painted for her the worst possible image of himself just to see how much she loathed him enough to betray him like that. He remembered every cutting word she said to him, stabbing deep into his chest, and knowing he couldn't even defend himself from them because… deep in his heart, he knew every word was true.

Deep in her heart, she still sees me as the loathsome hostage prince, weak and insignificant.

Suddenly, the trappings of power weighed heavily on him, making him yearn to simply throw everything away and go back to being the hostage prince, emotionless and uncaring, without this painful feeling in his chest. If Ye Xiwu's hatred, disgust, and fear of him was going to be the price of his ambition, of him yearning for more power, then he would rather be the hostage prince who only thought about living one day after another. Maybe Emperor Xiao Yi wouldn't have resorted to witchcraft to disturb his mother's remains; his mother's ashes would have simply lain quietly in this mausoleum together with his father's; and Yingxin would have simply lived quietly in the cold palace at Sheng Kingdom.

Maybe he did deserve Ye Xiwu's hatred, disgust, and fear.

A soft clatter of footsteps alerted Tantai Jin to an approaching person. Nian Baiyu found me at last, he thought, inwardly sighing at the nagging he would definitely be hearing from his personal guard.

"Tantai Jin."

It was Ye Xiwu's voice that Tantai Jin heard. He turned around, and saw Ye Xiwu looking directly at him, those clear eyes unerringly finding his.

In a few light steps, she crossed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she said, softly, but it fell on Tantai Jin's ears like the most beautiful melody he had ever heard. She looked up to him with a contrite look on her face. "I had a lot of prejudices against you," she admitted. "That was why I said those things to you. I thought…"

Tantai Jin pulled Ye Xiwu closer to him, cradling her head. "Hatred, disgust and fear," he said quietly, listing the three emotions that bothered him the most. "I see those in most people I meet. They didn't matter to me… but how could you, of all people, look at me that way too?" He himself heard the hurt in his voice, so he knew Ye Xiwu heard it too. She softly rubbed her cheek against his and tightened her hold on him to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," Ye Xiwu repeated. "I won't do it again."

Tantai Jin pulled away from her to look down at her beloved face. She really is the light that dared to brighten and warm my cold and dark life.

After finally reconciling and saying what their hearts truly held towards each other, they sat down in front of his mother's tombstone. "I told you once I don't dream," Tantai Jin said. "But whenever my life was in danger, a cold voice would call out to me in my dreams."

He felt Ye Xiwu raise her head from his shoulder where she was leaning on moments before. He looked at her and saw a hint of alarm in her eyes. "And…?" she asked hesitantly. "What do you say to it?"

Tantai Jin smiled slightly. "Don't worry," he assured her. "The voice hasn't visited me anymore. Now, I only dream of you." He saw the alarm in her eyes dissolve, replaced by a warmth that he also felt in his heart. She leaned against his chest and held him close to her, with him doing the same to her.

Mother, I may have lost you, but please, help me keep her.

Xxxxxxxxx

Later that night, Tantai Jin watched Ye Xiwu sleep in his arms. To comfort him, she said, but really, given that his arm was growing numb under her head, he rather thought it was him comforting her.

He smiled, however. It was truly comforting to have her by his side. In the years that they have been married, they had never once lain together like this. If he had known how wonderful it felt to lie beside Ye Xiwu, he would have done so earlier.

But then again, they were never as close as this before, and that made all the difference.

Tantai Jin felt Ye Xiwu squirm. He looked down, and saw a faint line of pain crease her eyebrows.

"Father…" Tantai Jin heard her whisper. A tear budded at the corner of one of her eyes and fell on his chest.

"Ye Xiwu…" Tantai Jin sighed, and brushed off another tear that bloomed. He pulled her closer to him, and made soothing motions up and down her arm, until he heard her sob once and fall deeper asleep.

Maybe one time I'll make her tell me why she keeps on crying in her dreams like this.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Tantai Jin never had another chance.

Pain lashed at his heart as he watched Ye Xiwu run out of the room, leaving behind a broken bowl of porridge that she poisoned with dry mylabris, the porridge she had intended to feed him, and he had intended to take as long as it was her who fed him.

He felt as broken as the bowl, and as poisoned as the porridge.

So, in the end, you never learned how to love me. Tantai Jin kicked the candelabra down, candles flying out and hot wax spilling all over. In the end, you will abandon me for someone else. He tore the sheets from the bed, unravelling the threads from the cloth. In the end, you will leave me, and go to Xiao Lin, who you still love!

Tantai Jin screamed in misery and pain.