My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, this story is dedicated to two particular authors with whom I have briefly touched on those issues, and who make amazing stories. paleseptember10 & Krooela. Go check them out, you won't regret it.

💚 Fallen Angel💚

How would have Christian Grey's life turned out if the Greys had intervened when Elena tried to sink her claws into him? Would he still be the same man as we know, or someone completely different ...

‼️Rated M - {Out Of Characters/All Human/Alternate Universe}‼️

‼️Romance/Angst/Drama/Lemons‼️

‼️AS/CG/The Greys/The Steeles/Jack Hyde/Elena Lincoln‼️

💚 READ & REVIEW, DON'T BE A SILENT READER 💚

Chapter 12: Take Me To Church (2,6K)

Christian's Pov

The rest of the week goes by quickly. I leave Elliott behind to help the girls with their move, though he begged me to stay since apparently, the Colonel will also help. Yeah right, that's an even better incentive to leave! But I do rent a truck for them.

Ana was over the moon, sending me many emojis as she said she wouldn't have to do many back and forth. Elliott on the other hand said it was a bad move and that it made the Colonel purse his lips. So I'm keeping Taylor as close as possible. At least, as far as I'm aware, Colonel Steele lives in Olympia, so he has a bit of a drive if he wants to kill me.

Elliott also skipped the Sunday roast for the first time in years under the pretence he was spending time with his girlfriend. So of course, Grace and Mia were all over my case, asking about this girl Elliott is settling down for and I pretended I knew nothing about it. I'm not playing Gossip Girls, that's for sure.

Right now, it's Monday afternoon, and I am in Martha's office, telling her all about my previous week. I tell her about helping Elliott in his love life, about this new deal with Japan that is pissing off my Russian investors, about me deciding to get rid of the person who wrote that terrible speech. About anything but Ana.

Martha listens, and when I stay silent, as if I was done, she cocks her head to the side,

"Christian, we've known each other for a while now. We can pretend for a few more sessions that you don't want to talk about that, or we can avoid the few weeks of useless talks and actually address the reason why have your leg jumping up and down and why you needed to see me twice last week."

I look down and lean my elbows on my knees, joining my fingers together. She waits a bit more, and I finally say,

"Ana lives in Seattle, now."

"What happened to Rose?" I can tell by her tone that she knows. I'm pretty sure that if I read her damn notes, it will be written somewhere that she thinks that Rose is not a real name.

"It's her middle name. Her full name is Anastasia Rose Steele."

"And how did you happen to learn that?" She asks and I relate the events of the ceremony, having the Dean call a name that had nothing to do with what I expected, and Ana taking the scroll with sass.

Martha writes down on her little notepad, before asking the question that should be forbidden in therapy questions since it is so cliché, "And how does that make you feel?"

"I … don't know. On one hand, I get why she did it. But … I guess … I would have preferred her telling me herself, not via a third party. Not in front of a full auditorium."

"And why is that? Why does it matter how you learned her full name?"

I shrug and look down. I know why it matters, I just don't want to admit it. But after thirteen fucking years of coming to this fucking office, I know Martha won't go any further until I say it.

"I guess … I don't like to think that our relationship wasn't as personal as I thought. It's like … I've been robbed of a special moment."

"Mmhmm." I lock my jaw and close my eyes before leaning back and resting my head against the headrest. One day, Martha will talk to someone who will 'mmhmm' her all day long, and that day, I will know karma exists.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes, looking at the ceiling, as I let her know, "I told her that we were friends."

Another small silence, though I expected her to probe a bit more. It's always easier to let it all out when she probes. But I guess Martha has decided that today, she was going to make me say it all without her help. Deep down I know what she wants me to say, but … I want to pretend otherwise for a bit longer.

"I think she was disappointed."

"Mmhmm."

"I mean … she repeated the word 'friend' as if it had … a bad aftertaste as if she hadn't been expecting it."

"Mmhmm."

"For fuck's sake! Just say what you're writing down instead of torturing me with your damn 'mmhmm's!"

I keep looking at the ceiling, though I know she is smirking. No matter how angry I have been in her office, Martha never cowered away from me. I think that now, over time, she just thinks it's funny that I'm still getting riled up for a tic she's had for thirteen years.

"Well, the real question is, was she really disappointed in only getting your friendship, or were you the one disappointed that she did not even try to push it further?"

Fuck, she's good. Yes, I wish she had questioned our friendship. And in the meantime, I am grateful she didn't. And … I don't know. I can't see myself explaining to this beautiful girl full of life that I will never give her more than my friendship because I can't bear the idea of being touched, and that having more than her friendship is something that I would love, but I know is unobtainable.

Over the years, Elliott (and even Mia at times) kept saying that some girls were into the whole full BDSM, no contact unless said so and all of that. But … I want what he has, what my sister has, what our parents have. I want the intimacy. On every level. I want to be with someone I can touch. I want to go home and have my partner jump in my arms without fear of a panic attack from me. I want … all of that shit.

I should really look into getting that pet Martha mentioned. Maybe then, I can start to court Ana. But then again, in the meantime, someone might steal her away. I've read a lot of things about PTSD in my youth (when I thought I could solve things without Martha and shove it in her face) and it doesn't disappear in the blink of an eye. Sometimes, it never leaves. Especially when you've had it for so long.

I shake my head and sit up straight, looking at Martha who has her eyes on me, her glasses at the end of her nose. "We both know I can't take it any further than friendship. She's … she's a very touchy person and … I'm not."

"Can't or won't?" She challenges and I grit my teeth.

"Both. I can't have her touch me, and I won't have her see me panicking like a child."

She raises her eyebrow at me, and I let out a soothing breath, "You know what I mean. I don't like the idea of people knowing about my panic attacks."

She writes something down, before crossing her legs, and I know she's about to let me know what she thinks. That I'm full of shit and that if I really want this girl, I should get a dog. After all, Elliott said that girls dig dog-owners.

"Let me ask you a question, Christian. If it wasn't for your haphephobia, would you have pursued Ana?"

I glare at her. She knows the answer already. What game is she playing? I let out a small yes.

"And you do realise that by only offering your friendship, she will start dating other men, and you will be the one hearing about it?"

I grit my teeth and close my eyes again. Yes, I've thought of that. A lot. A guy like Elliott will come into her world, and I will be the stupid guy who stuck himself in the friend zone, like in those stupid movies Mia watches. But I don't want to give Martha reason, mostly because I know what she will say next. So instead, I retort,

"I'm going climbing with her Wednesday."

"Oh?"

I keep my eyes closed, my fists in my pockets, "It's not a date. It's … an anti-date. She asked me to come to counterweight the lovey-dovey phase Elliott is in."

"Elliott? What role does your brother play in all of that?"

"The girl he's dating is her roommate and best friend. And apparently, Ana gets along well with Elliott, she even hugged him at the graduation, despite the fact that she kicked his ass the first time she saw him. But … yeah, Elliott is shagging her best friend, so … I guess we will see each other every once in a while. As friends."

"Mmhmm," I swear to God. If I hear one more of those today, I will kill someone.

"Do you wish it was only the two of you?"

I look at the ceiling, my brain conjuring that image I jerked on last Friday night. Once again, I didn't go to the club, and just jerked home. I made this whole scenario worthy of a stupid rom-com (not that I watch many movies, to begin with). We would go to the climbing club, and Elliott and Kate would bail, because … who needs reasons, it's a fucking fantasy. So … I would catch her before she'd even climb, preventing her from harming herself, and tackling her against the wall before kissing her so well, her breath would disappear.

And … I take a deep breath. I don't need to get a hard-on whilst in Martha's office. So I clear my throat and look back at her green eyes, lying through my perfectly white teeth at her earlier question, and we are both aware of the lie, "No."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

After seeing Martha, I contemplate going straight home but decide to go pay a visit to my brother. He's always been good to take my mind off things when I needed to. Whether it was when I first really told our parents about Elena, or when I lost my first major deal, or when I freaked out on Leila. Elliott knows when I need to think of anything but the problem at hand.

So I ask Taylor to drive me to my brother who lives about a ten-minute drive from Escala. I'm not sure if I'll stay long or not, so I let Taylor know to stay around, glad that I'm already here when the rain starts pouring. How come it is May and we still have torrential rains like that? Ana is right, Washington weather is kind of fucked up.

Elliott opens his door to me, surprised, but smiling as he sees me, "I was expecting someone else," He says and I roll my eyes. She's been in Seattle for barely a day, that he already has her coming to his place … not that I wouldn't do the same.

"I can go."

"No! I want you to meet Kate. So she can see that outside of work, you can actually smile, haha. Ana is coming too, by the way. Just a heads up."

"Oh?" Okay, maybe this was not a good idea. I came here to forget all about the brunette with her beautiful blue eyes, not to see her even more.

Elliott checks his phone and lets me know, "To be fair, Kate says she needed to go by her father's first, and Ana said not to expect her before seven. We have an hour of bro-time. What's eating you?"

I shrug and he hands me a nonalcoholic beer (or beer for pussies as he calls them). He always has some for me in his place since he knows my reticence about alcohol now and I know that the pussy comment is just an endearing thing for him. I rarely take anything Elliott says badly.

"I just wanted to … unplug. Martha has been … annoying, today."

"Mmhmm," He says and I glare at him, fisting my hand. What did I say about committing murder over that stupid word?!

"Don't start! It's all she said today. Mmhmm this and mmhmm that. I'm going to buy her a fucking thesaurus!"

Elliott laughs and sips on his beer. "Shall I ask what the mmhmm's were about, or … you just don't want to talk about it?"

"Same shit as usual … I'm thinking of getting a pet."

"Praise the Lord!" He exclaims as some damn televangelist preacher. I roll my eyes and he doesn't go any further, though he does warn me, "When you do, I'm going with you. Knowing you, you'll get yourself a Doberman and no girl would want to talk to you!"

"I'm not doing it for the girls, Elliott."

"I don't think Ana is into Dobermans either."

I ignore him. But he's right. She's a soft girl, she wouldn't be into big scary dogs. But I don't want a Chihuahua either. I have some masculinity to preserve. And Martha would murder me if she knew I was thinking like that. This is supposed to be about me and my phobia, not me and finding a way to cope so I can have a girl.

"Well, just in case you want to know, Ana is single. Not that it's hard to believe when you know her father. She's really passionate about books, serial killers and adventure …"

Shit! I forgot to ask Martha about Ana's unhealthy obsession with criminals. And now Elliott says she's passionate about them! What the heck? But this is not the point. First, we are just friends.

"We're just friends, Elliott."

He longly looks at me, before shrugging. "Your funeral. I mean, I get that you have that whole issue, and I get I can't relate but …"

I glare at him and he drops it. I don't need two shrink sessions in a raw. He raises his hands up, before looking at his phone and grimacing. "You staying for dinner, right? I do want you to meet Kate before I ultimately bring her home."

"Sure."

"Okay. I'm going to pick her up. Her car got a flat. Make yourself at home and don't finish my booze," He teases and I shake my head.

Elliot can be so simple sometimes. I sit on his couch, putting the news as background as I read through my emails on my phone, and fifteen minutes later, someone knocks on the door. I frown because Elliott clearly doesn't need to knock to get in his own apartment, and then I recall he said that he had invited Ana as well.

I go open the door, but I am met with something I wasn't expecting, a slightly panicked Ana in a skirt suit, soaked, with her white shirt completely see-through, her hand on Taylor's arm whilst he is harbouring a bleeding nose.

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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So, what happened? Why does Taylor have a bloody nose? Taylor of all people?

💚 And Christian is definitely struggling between friends and more. And the reason is the touching. He wants it but knows he can't have it without a panic attack. It's not self-depreciation, it's PTSD. He never said he's not worthy of having a relationship, friendship or romantic. He just knows what his limits are. Just like someone who would ... never PDA knows they will have issues being with a cuddly bear, Christian is in this same situation. Nothing to do with self-loathing, just knowing his limits and struggling to know if he can live with them or not.

💚 And this was actually something that bugged me in the books. For someone who had such strong touch issues, he overcame them really quickly. Maybe It's because I know people with that issue, who didn't blink and suddenly realised they didn't have it anymore. I don't know. But it was too fast for me. Sorry, haha

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, Everything else is mine (including the mistakes and grammar errors).

Love, Mina 💚💚💚