A/N: Quickie!
Footprints in the Sand
Chapter 21
I think I'm in a state of shock. I can't speak; I can barely arrange my thoughts into coherency. It's just so inconceivable to me that anyone could be so... evil. At the same time, everything is beginning to make sense, and it's given me a better understanding of Edward, and why he first acted the way he did; why he initially thought I was playing mind games with him.
"Bella," he appeals to me, rubbing his forehead so roughly his skin creases heavily beneath his fingers, "say something."
"I... I'm just... so sorry you..." The threat of tears burns along my throat, but I feel absolutely sick for him. And when he locks those vulnerable green eyes to mine, it takes all my strength not to crumble beneath the weight of them.
"Hey..." he murmurs, taking me almost roughly into his arms. "Bella, don't..." He doesn't finish, but the defeated tenor in his voice is enough to make the tears welling in my eyes to spill over.
"I feel..." I let it go, and clumsily drying my eyes, I attempt to pull myself together. He doesn't want me to feel sorry for him, but I'm not sure I can explain to him how I'm feeling without sounding as if I am. "I'll never treat you like that, Edward," I promise him.
"I know," he says, sounding suddenly distracted even as he runs his thumbs over my cheekbones, catching the last of my tears. "I worked out pretty quickly that you're nothing like her. You're like no one I've ever known."
Despite the pitiful state of me, I laugh. "You really are going to make me paranoid saying that all the time."
"When are you going to believe me that it's a compliment?" he teases me.
"Probably never," I admit, flashing him a rueful smile.
He quickly returns it and leans down to kiss me. It's tender and almost lingers, but it goes no further, and as much as I understand this is something Edward needs to say, all I really want to do is lose myself in his arms again. I've always been a person who shies away from other people's pain, and with Edward it's so much more heightened.
I absolutely detest it.
He plays with my fingers absently for a second or two, and in that moment his smile almost increases. "I was resigned to Addie being the only female in my life, but then... this small-town, brown-eyed beauty walked into my world and turned it completely upside down. I had to re-evaluate everything, and decide whether I wanted to risk getting involved with someone new."
For the second time I'm without words, and I have no idea how this man has the power to reduce me to tears as equally as he can make me violently blush.
"It's definitely an upside for me that you're stupidly handsome," I mumble, completely failing at flirting, but I suddenly feel culpable. "I'm so sorry I called you an asshole."
"Bella," he says with genuine warmth behind his voice this time, "you called me an asshole because I was acting like one. I broke it off with you over the phone – asshole move." Sliding his fist two fingers beneath my chin, he gently coaxes me to meet his eyes, as his brows raise in emphasis.
"Well, yeah," I'm forced to admit, "but..."
With an exasperated-sounding sigh, he shakes his head. "I have no tolerance for women like that anymore, and if I start to suspect... I can be a real bastard, but with you, I jumped to the wrong conclusions."
"You weren't a bastard."
"I was, but you called me out on it, and that's when I knew you were different. You weren't just mindlessly hurling abuse at me—that's what I was used to." Pausing, he turns to rest his nose to the side of my head. "You've never been anything but completely honest with me, and I want you to stay that way. I don't want you to tip-toe around me," he states resolutely as the seriousness of it is amplified behind his eyes.
"I won't," I promise him, nodding to further reiterate it. "So... was it having Addie that caused the aneurysm?" I'm apprehensive, but I have no way of knowing whether he's done talking about her. But after going into so much detail about his relationship, his description of her death seemed so frank.
"Yes," he says stiffly, and realizing it's not something he wants to elaborate on, I change the subject. "What made her behave the way she did?"
"...I don't know," he says behind a gushing breath. "I have no idea whether the person I fell in love with as a boy was really her, or if it was all an act. What I do know is she was over indulged by her parents. She could do no wrong, and was never at fault, so needless to say, there was never any consequences for her. That type of parenting tends to create narcissists—at least, that's what her therapist told me."
"Did he really tell you to divorce her?" I ask, dropping my lips to his bare shoulder as I force my emotions, and my racing thoughts, to calm.
"Not in those exact words," he answers almost ironically. "He asked me whether I loved her enough to tolerate that type of abuse for the rest of my life. I told her I didn't love her at all, and I just wanted out. He then said no one could blame me if I filed for divorce. Then he explained what would happen if we had a child and she decided to scapegoat it. She'd completely destroy Addie, and I... could never let that happen."
"Oh god..." I whisper, because just the mere idea of that detestable woman abusing Addie makes me absolutely see red.
"Bella..." he speaks up after we both lose ourselves in thought.
"Hmm?"
"What I said to you when we left Emmett's apartment the other week..." He sucks in his cheeks with obvious uncertainty, and not-so-subtly breaks my gaze.
"Yeah?" I ask, sitting up a little straighter.
"I told you I miss her," he speaks to the crumbled bedding beneath us. "It... was a lie, but if I said I despised her and I was glad she was dead, you'd think... Anyway, I—"
"God, Edward, it's okay," I insist, nodding my head hastily in reassurance.
"She came so close to completely destroying me," he suddenly confesses as that frown of his imbeds deeper, giving me a fleeting glimpse of the tortured soul he really is beneath it. He hides it so well. "She was always goading me to hit her back, and I was so close. So close," he scoffs dryly. "I knew if I ever did, that was the end of me. She'd have me arrested and disbarred, while no doubt convincing my family—and hers—how I was a wife beater."
"Jesus..." I mutter to myself, and I'm fairly certain I've surpassed shock into something else entirely. What an abject evil bitch she was, and never in my life have I ever felt so much relief that someone I've never met is dead.
"I had to force myself to walk away knowing she'd throw things at the back of my head. It was fucking hard, Bella, because I wanted to kill her. I've never..."
"Edward, no one could blame you," I echo the sentiments of the therapist, and wrapping my arms around him, I lay my head against his chest.
"I'm so careful with Addie," he adds after the silence envelops us again. "I don't want to be too hard on her, but I have to—"
"Hey," I quickly interject, raising my head to meet his gaze. His eyes are plagued by so much anxiety it's beginning to make me feel just as overwrought, "Addie is the sweetest, most adorable little girl I have ever met. There is nothing about her that suggests she's being raised wrong, and she is so like you it's insane. You have no idea what an amazing job you've done with her, do you?"
"I spoil her more than I should," he admits sheepishly after breaking into the first genuine smile I've seen from him all day.
"You've obviously found a perfect balance with teaching her boundaries because she's off the charts adorable, and both Alice and I want to steal her away."
His grin broadens only to all-too-quickly disappear. "She believes a lie about her mother," he reveals as his expression steadily clouds. "She thinks I loved her. That I'm sad she's dead. The truth is, her mother didn't want her. She got pregnant to stop me from leaving."
"She's only five," I console him, but it's still so inconceivable to me that any mother could feel such a way about their child. This is despite my own abandoning me. "Edward?" I breach cautiously, but I need him to know how much I can empathize with him—that he's not alone in all this.
"Hmm?"
"I know what it's like when your mother doesn't want you. I was an afterthought to mine. An inconvenience. A hindrance. She neglected me so much I was removed from her house by children's services, and my father was given full custody."
"Bella..." My name again, but accompanying it is a well of pain and anger he can't nearly conceal.
"I was barely more than a baby, and my father..."
"Bella," he repeats my name with a sigh this time, "are you suggesting I should continue letting Addie believe...?" He doesn't finish, and he suddenly looks incredibly volatile.
I shake my head, but it's more out of growing doubt than in reply to him. "Perhaps she would have fallen in love with Addie and loved her as much as you do."
"She wouldn't have." He scoffs bitterly.
"Is there even the slightest possibility she would?" I ask in a small voice, and when Edward sighs again it's practically in resignation.
"Nothing's impossible, I suppose," he acknowledges, rubbing his eyes laboriously with his thumb and first two fingers, "and I really don't want to... hurt Addie by telling her what kind of person her mother was. But, Bella..." He suddenly stalls, his sharp eyes staring off at seemingly nothing.
"Yeah?"
"...She never wanted a girl. After we found out, she yelled and screamed and told me it was my fault. Mind you, this was after telling me repeatedly the baby wasn't even mine." He laughs at the absolute irony of it without a single ounce of humor. "But, she saw a girl as someone, a lot younger, she'd be in competition with. Of course, she put on this perfect performance of happiness at the gender reveal party."
I can only shake my head because who the hell wouldn't want a little girl like Addie?
"If we'd had a boy, she would have expected him to idolize her, the way she expected me to."
He's understandably resentful, and after giving him a moment, I put another question delicately to him. "Were you there when Addie was born?"
"I was," he replies, as again, his voice restricts but it's not something he holds onto. "I wasn't going to, but my father convinced me that if Addie was mine I'd always regret not being there." He makes an attempt to smile only to fail miserably, and picking up my hand he kisses the back of it.
Turning, I lean my forehead to his, wanting to absolutely cry for him. "I now know why you're so worried about her having ADHD."
"Anything neurological... It fucking scares me," he admits, pulling slightly back.
"If I promise you she'll be fine, will you believe me?" I say, meeting those harrowed eyes of his again. The intense, intimidating man I often bear witness to has been replaced by one so vulnerable I barely recognize him behind it.
Nodding in answer, he presses his lips briefly to my forehead, but I'm not sure if he believes me; if he's even capable of believing me given what he's disclosed today.
"She's no more her mother, than I am mine," I point out gently.
"I know," he concedes. "I wish I'd met your father—a man who raised his daughter right. I need Addie... to grow up like you."
"...He was a lot like you," I say, coming dangerously close to tears again. "Very intimidating, but with a giant heart."
"Was he?"
"He was."
Drawing a heavy breath, he releases it into a hum as his thoughts so obviously stray. Then taking me by complete surprise, he breaks into laughter that muffles through his nose.
"Most women describe me as a cold, hard-headed workaholic, but not you, Bella..." There's a discernible affection in his tone that immediately brings the smile to my lips.
"They just never looked below the surface to see who you really are."
. . .
Addie runs along the path, a multi-colored, cone-shaped party hat sitting askew on her head, and carrying a small bag of candy in her unbroken hand. She doesn't immediately notice me standing next to Edward, her focus is centered on him, but the instant she does she almost comes to a skidding halt.
"Bella!" Her face lights up, and instead of throwing herself into her father's arms, she hugs the both of us simultaneously, wrapping an arm around each of our legs.
The phone call to pick up Addie interrupted take two of something both Edward and I desperately needed this afternoon, but instead, Edward invited me to come with him to his neighbor's house to collect his daughter.
"Hi, sweetie," I greet her, tugging her hair playfully that's spilling loose over her shoulders as Edward scoops her up into his arms.
"Hey, Tiger, did you have fun?" he puts to her, planting his lips to her temple.
"Uh-huh. I won pin the tail on the donkey—see?" Thrusting out her hand, she proudly displays the humongous, sticky-looking candy ring wedged on her thumb.
That's when a woman steps out from behind the front door to greet us, and I recognize her immediately. It's Carmen from Rosalie's cocktail party; the only person whose company I actually enjoyed.
When her eyes meet mine, she throws me a warm smile, before turning it toward Edward.
"You remember Bella," he says after bending down to anticipate her greeting.
"Of course. How are you, Bella?" she asks, extending the same courtesy to me and kissing my cheek.
"I'm fine, thank you. And you?"
"Exhausted," she says, laughing lightly to herself.
"Was she good?" Edward asks, as Addie, still in his arms, begins to dig into her bag of goodies only to offer me a Jolly Rancher.
"Oh my goodness, she was an angel," Carmen assures him, "and she had such a good time. Didn't you, Addie?"
"Uh-huh, and I didn't even talk that much, Daddy," Addie replies as Carmen chuckles.
"I find that hard to believe," Edward says, his smile immediately broadening.
"Don't forget your birthday cake, Addie," Carmen reminds her, holding out a small cubed-shape wrapped in paper towel.
"Thank you," Addie says chirpily.
Edward takes it instead, and after saying our goodbyes, the three of us head back to his house, five doors down.
"I didn't know Carmen was your neighbor," I say casually after taking the cake from Edward so he can prop Addie on his shoulders.
Addie passes her father a Twizzler. He bites off half and swallows before answering, "Hmm, they moved in a few months after I did."
Reaching out, he takes my hand; the other he has wrapped securely around Addie's ankle.
"Daddy, is Bella gonna watch Tangled with us?"
"You'll have to ask her. She might be busy tonight," Edward answers.
"Bella, do you want to watch Tangled with me and Daddy if you're not busy?" Addie asks, looking down at me with her eyes, too much like her father's, wide and imploring. "We're having pizza for dinner, too."
"Um... I'm not intruding...?" I turn to Edward for answer. Sundays are his day with Addie, after all.
He smirks. "Of course you're not."
"Well... alright then," I happily agree, turning Addie's smile from broad to blinding.
"Yay!"
"She goes to bed at eight on Sundays, so we won't keep you all night," Edward adds, tugging me closer to his side.
"It's fine," I assure him, squeezing his hand, and releasing it, he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
"Are you sure you're not gonna marry Bella, Daddy?" Addie pipes up suspiciously as Edward breaks warmly into laughter.
. . .
The instant Edward closes the front door of his house behind us and props Addie back on her feet, his phone rings. He glances at the screen and immediately frowns.
"Bell—"
"Come and see my room, Bella!" Addie cuts him off, and grabbing my hand she proceeds to pull me up the stairs behind her.
Looking over my shoulder, I meet Edward's gaze.
"I'm sorry," he silently mouths, motioning to his phone with the index finger of the hand clutching it to his ear.
"It's okay," I mouth in return, shaking my head to placate him before turning back to Addie who's practically running up the stairs.
"Sweetie, slow down before you fall!" I caution her.
"I'm okay," she asserts when we reach the landing. "Do you want to see inside my room, Bella?" she asks, suddenly uncertain, and Edward honestly has nothing to worry about. Addie is the sweetest child in existence, and she's exactly like him.
"Um, of course I do," I tease her, making her grin turn cheesy as she clamps her palm to it and giggles.
Addie's bedroom is large, a lot larger than mine, and painted pink with white clouds throughout—including the back of her door and the doors of her closet. To one side is a humongous Victorian-styled dollhouse and a Disney Princess-themed teepee, opposite a set of white chest of drawers and a large matching bookcase filled to the brim with an assortment of books, dolls and DVDs.
Her bed—with Gooby sitting against her pillow—is aligned on the right side of the room covered in a thick, plush pink and blue patch-work comforter that matches the large rug covering most of her floor, and the curtains to the bay window that overlooks the ocean.
"My gosh—"
"Look, Bella, I have Anna and Elsa." She shoves both dolls in my hands before removing them only to replace them with Woody and Jessie. "And this is where Bob lives." She points to Bob inside his small squared enclosure on her nightstand. "And this is my mommy." Picking up a small, silver-framed photo, she hands it to me.
In surprise, I glance down at it, at the most detestable human being I have ever had the fortune of never knowing, and suddenly realize that the only thing Addie inherited from her is her blonde hair. While Addie's mother was undoubtedly beautiful, her daughter's beauty came directly from her father. Not only does Addie have his eyes, but she has his smile, his nose, and those high cheekbones of his.
She's so completely Edward.
Taking the photo from me, she plops it unceremoniously back in place next to Bob without a second thought. "I have Pocahontas, too." She thrusts the doll in my hands, and then Ariel, and Snow White and each of the seven dwarfs, one by one, naming them as she does.
She flits around her room like a hummingbird, showing me as much as she possibly can in the short timeframe.
"And this is my Woobix Cube," she plonks it in my palm, and I notice all six sides of it are complete.
"Sweetie, did you finish it?" I ask in shock.
"Daddy did."
"Ah..." Her father's intelligent, and that doesn't surprise me in the slightest. "Well, you certainly have a lot of toys, Miss Addie," I say, as she grabs my hand again and tugs me to sit on the side of her bed alongside her.
"I got bubbles—look, Bella." She suddenly digs around in her party bag of goodies and produces a small pink vial even as she clumsily wipes her wayward hair from her eyes.
"So you did," I say, helping her out when she attempts to twist off the lid.
For the next several minutes, that's what we do; we blow bubbles around her bedroom. Addie almost kills Bob by wanting to include him, and I'm forced to explain to her how Bob needs only very clean water so he can breathe.
"Oh no. I almost made him die!" She bursts aghast, her clear green eyes becoming round with horror.
After apologizing profusely to him, and kissing his glass bowl repeatedly, I braid the front of her hair off her face, and tie it with the pink ribbon she retrieves from a small jewelry box, overrun by various children's costume jewelry and hair ties.
"Can you show me how to braid hair, too, Bella?" she asks innocently.
"Sure."
We use Pocahontas as a guinea pig, and I start off with showing her how to do a basic plait. She picks it up almost instantly, because this little girl is as astute as her father, and after, she insists on practicing on me.
"Having fun?" Edward's deep voice breaks us from our chatter and Addie's giggles.
He's leaning, his forearm—level with his head—resting against the door frame of Addie's room, watching us with his smile full of amusement and broad across his too-handsome face. It's completely reversing the kinetics of his emotions from earlier, and for all intent, he's back to being the man I first met, with a very intimidating, intense presence to him. The only thing is, I don't think I'll ever see him that way again.
"Lots of fun," I answer, as I sit on the floor with Addie standing over me, her fingers threading through my hair.
"Daddy, look! Bella taught me how to braid, and I braided her hair!" Addie announces, holding up her handiwork.
"Very good," he acknowledges. "Bath."
"But—already?" she complains.
"Already," Edward teases her in imitation.
"But..."
"But, this. But, that..." Walking into the room, he hurls her over his shoulder and instantly reduces her to a fit of laughter.
"I want Bella to help me," she declares, holding her hand out to me as she hangs halfway down her father's back.
I take it and am hauled into the bathroom behind them.
. . .
After taking her bath, and making me almost as wet, I help Addie button up her pajamas, and while she slips into a pair of huge Bugs Bunny slippers, Edward orders pizza.
It arrives just after six, and we eat it from the box in the family room as the movie starts.
Addie insists on sitting between the two of us and just as she did in her grandmother's house a few weeks prior, she asks a dozen questions a minute.
"Why'd that mean lady steal her away, Bella?"
"So she could use her to stay young forever," I answer.
"Bella, how come her hair is so long?"
"The flower made it magical."
"Will my hair ever get that long?"
"Maybe," I tease her.
"Bella, what are those lights?"
"I'm not sure, sweetie. We'll have to wait and see."
"Addie," Edward makes a poor effort to scold her, and doesn't sound even remotely threatening.
Addie responds by clamping her hand over her mouth, but her silence lasts barely a minute.
When she's not asking questions, though, she's cracking up with laughter. Even Edward breaks into it multiple times as the movie progresses, and it's impossible not to join the two of them.
"He's a funny horse, isn't he, Bella?" Addie says repeatedly.
"He is," I agree.
"Oh... her hair really is magical," she gasps when Rapunzel sings her glow in the dark hair song. "Daddy? Can we have ice cream now?"
Edward groans, but relents almost instantly, and pausing the movie, he pulls himself from the sofa and heads into the kitchen.
"Bella..." Addie cups her good hand to my ear and whispers, "I think my daddy really does want to marry you."
I play along and open my mouth in exaggerated shock as she descends into another round of giggles.
"Do you want to marry him too?" she asks, muffling her voice further by using both her hands even as Edward crashes around in the kitchen.
I place my finger to my lips in answer, and indicate that her father is no doubt listening in.
"I won't tell daddy."
"You won't tell me what?" Edward says with a smirk, three coned-chocolate chip ice creams in both his hands.
"That one," is Addie's answer, pointing out the ice cream she wants.
Handing it to her, Edward plonks down beside me and passes me another. Addie immediately rectifies it by pulling herself onto both our laps, and loudly slurping her ice cream with her broken arm wrapped around my neck.
Edward only groans to himself again, but he can't nearly hide his smile and he's more relaxed than he's been all day.
The movie ends with the three of us snuggled together, and Addie and I cocooned in Edward's arms. It feels so completely ordinary that it doesn't even occur to me that it's everything but.
This is the first time Edward and I have really been around Addie as a couple.
"I liked that movie!" Addie declares during the end credits. "Did you like it, Bella?"
"I did like it."
"Did you like it, Daddy?" She turns her attention to her father.
"I would have liked it a lot more if you didn't talk the entire way through it," he says, playfully clamping his hand over Addie's mouth.
Giggling, she swats her father's hand away and asks, "Daddy, can Bella sleep over?"
"Bella has things she needs to do at her house," he replies as Addie visibly pouts.
"But—"
"You'll see her tomorrow at Grandmas," he's forced to remind her, and lifting her off the both of us, Edward puts her on her feet, before joining her.
"Sorry, sweetie," I offer her apologetically, as Edward takes my hand and helps me from the sofa.
"Will you play hopscotch with me again?" Addie asks, grabbing my other hand as though I'm going to disappear into thin air.
"Well... if it's not raining."
"Yay!"
"And you claim I ask too many questions," Edward murmurs against my ear as he leads me and Addie into the foyer where he grabs his keys.
"Like father, like daughter," I say with a small, knowing smile.
. . .
"I've figured you out," Edward says gently, after parking in the visitor's lot of my apartment and following me out.
"Oh?" I say allowing him to turn me to face him as he leans lightly against his car, while behind us, Addie is fast asleep in her booster seat. "What did you find?"
"That there isn't a pretentious bone in your body," he replies, leaving his hands against my hips as he draws me steadily closer. "You're... authentic—genuine; smart; beautiful; honest. You are exactly who you say you are, and your eyes..." Reaching up, he grazes his knuckles over my cheekbone as his gaze, completely indecipherable in the moonlight, locks to mine. "They make you appear wise beyond your years but just as innocent. Bella..."
"Yeah?" I ask, my voice barely audible. I'm unsure whether he spoke my name as a question, or as a statement, but what I am sure of is he's completely taken my breath away.
I've not only lost my head, but my heart and soul in the process to this beautiful, damaged man and his little girl.
"You're..." he hesitates and leaning in, he rests his brow momentarily to mine before again pulling back. "You're too good for me."
"What?" I utter in total disbelief. "Edward, you're—"
"Bella, listen to me," he interjects, as his eyes continue to hold mine, burning with that all-too-familiar gravity he has about him. "You're too good for me," he echoes, sounding even more adamant, "but I'm not letting you go."
A/N: Thank you for reading. See you again soon.