My dear little broccolis💚💚💚
💚 So, this story is dedicated to two particular authors with whom I have briefly touched on those issues, and who make amazing stories. paleseptember10 & Krooela. Go check them out, you won't regret it.
💚 Fallen Angel💚
How would have Christian Grey's life turned out if the Greys had intervened when Elena tried to sink her claws into him? Would he still be the same man as we know, or someone completely different ...
‼️Rated M - {Out Of Characters/All Human/Alternate Universe}‼️
‼️Romance/Angst/Drama/Lemons‼️
‼️AS/CG/The Greys/The Steeles/Jack Hyde/Elena Lincoln‼️
💚 READ & REVIEW, DON'T BE A SILENT READER 💚
Chapter 25: His Beloved Angel (3,0K)
Christian's Pov
I close my eyes and keep them shut as I work on my breathing. In and out. In and out. Today was not the bests of days, but then again, I can't always have perfect days. There were several issues at work, and if Ros and Jack hadn't been here, I would have happily made some heads roll. Still, I am still going to have to go to Montreal this weekend. I'm sure this is going to please Mia, though it kills my plans with Ana.
In and out. Maybe she'll agree to come with me. Maybe I can salvage this weekend by taking my girlfriend out for dinner for a couple of hours. I mean, I don't get to see her a lot since we're both working so much (she works a lot on her thesis when she's not at SIP). So if I can get a few more moments with her, I am certainly not going to turn it down.
in and out. There's also this lunch with Carrick slightly stressing me out. He called Andrea this morning and arranged something for Wednesday, which I think is unfair in retrospect. I don't recall Elliottt getting a lecture when he made it official with Kate. And what about Mia and her last beau? She's the youngest, she's the only girl, she should get the lectures from all of us. Not me.
In and out. And there is this whole picture thing that is making me more and more annoyed by the minute. Khan spent a whole hour in my office trying to convince me to get Ana to sign an NDA and to have a background check run on her. He also mentioned the idea of making her sign a paper saying that she would not try to rob me off was she to get accidentally pregnant and it took everything in me to not sack him on the spot.
In and out. First of all, does Ana even look like a gold digger? Yes, she is breathtakingly beautiful, and even if I'm biased, it's the truth. She has the kind of beauty that makes someone automatically look twice when they see her. But she is a natural girl.l even her makeup is very lowkey. And most importantly, she never asked me for a dime. Not even for fucking fro-yo.
In and out. Second, how can he think so low of me? Do I really look so desperate that I would fall into the claws of the first gold digger winking my way? I won't lie, this was a low blow to my ego.
In and out, Grey… In and out.
Today was just not the bests of days as I said. But it goes perfectly with the night I had. You would think that sleeping with the woman I love in my arms, I would have spent the bests of nights … Well, obviously not. Not when the shadow of her father plagued my sleep.
I let out a sigh and finally hear Martha get into her office. I am here earlier than usual, but her secretary let me go straight to her office, saying that my shrink wouldn't be long.
Martha politely smiles at me as she greets me and she uselessly points out, "You're early today."
"It was an … eventful weekend. I have a lot to talk about."
"Mmmhmmm," she says, sitting on her chair as I keep my eyes closed, my neck resting against the headrest of the sofa as my thumbs are battling together.
What shall I talk about first? What is more important right now? My love for Ana or my fear of the Colonel? It should be an easy question, because, to me, Ana is already my forever, but when I open my mouth, the fear prevails,
"What do you know of dreams?" I ask Martha, my eyes still looking at the black of the back of my eyelids. "I mean, as a professional, you know."
"What happened?" She questions back, and I stay silent, going back to yesterday night.
It felt so fucking real! I really thought that I was going to end up dead, shot in the middle of the night, without any last word, taken down like a vulgar animal. If Ana hadn't woken me by shaking me by the arm, I would have spent the rest of my life thinking that the Colonel had paid me a visit in the middle of the night. I don't put it past him.
"I dreamt of Ana's father," I finally tell Martha, and I hear her scribble down on her notepad. "It felt so fucking real," I add with a shiver.
"Have you already physically met the man?"
"Thrice. And thrice it did not go well. The first time was at her graduation, and … I think he decided he didn't like me from then on. Then he showed up in my office. And yesterday morning he showed up at Ana's place, without any notice either."
I hear her write, and I crack my knuckles, wondering what is wrong with this man anyway. People call me overprotective, especially when Mia is concerned, but I haven't gone to this length yet. Can't Ana have a life without him dropping by every time a guy spends the night? Elliott said he often dropped by unannounced and each time Elliott almost shat his pants.
And, even though they are all Miss Independents, neither Ana nor Kate seem to think that it's abnormal of the Colonel to come whenever he wants so he can scare the shift out of other people. If Ana gives me a single grief about me being overprotective, I am throwing this back in her face.
"So, Ana's father is present in her life?" Martha asks, and I let out an approving sound before elaborating.
"She doesn't talk much about him, but they're close. It's obvious."
"And what was your dream about?"
For a moment, I don't say anything, the image of the Colonel still vivid in my mind. How has this man affected me so much when I barely exchanged five sentences with him?
"He came to kill me. To shoot me in the middle of the night," I finally say, after swallowing with difficulty,
"And has he given you any indication that he disliked you to the point of murder?"
"He's a military with a shady past. I'm pretty sure he was BlackOps."
I open my eyes, looking at the ceiling as I wonder to myself if I should ask Ana about that. But then again, she said she didn't want to talk about her Dad without her Dad. So I guess I will have to wait until after she arranges a meeting between the three of us.
"Didn't you say that you saw him in the morning? It seems obvious that you have strong emotions toward this man, so it is a possibility that your subconscious played against you. Especially if you were sleeping with his daughter, the same day after seeing him."
I nod, feeling a bit relieved with this. I mean, I can live with that. Because saying that I have strong emotions about this man is a euphemism. This man can kill me, I am sure of it.
I mean, yes, anyone can kill anyone. But this man can kill me, and then take his daughter out for a fro-yo without batting an eye. And worst, he would never be framed for it
So even though I am not fully satisfied with this answer, I can live with it.
I sit up, briefly glancing at her notebook before putting my elbows on my knees. She has this little knowing smirk that used to infuriate me so much when I was a teen. It's the smirk that says, I won't say or ask anything as long as you don't address yourself the elephant in the room. So I take a deep breath and assert,
"You saw the picture, didn't you?"
"I did," she concedes.
I nod, locking my fingers and I add, "She said that she can live with my boundaries. That she wouldn't push me."
"From what you told me, Ana seems like a reasonable young woman. Reasonable people understand that some of their peers have boundaries, and as long as they're aware of them, they respect them."
I can't agree more. Ana has been nothing but understanding and patient with me. I've been calling all the shots, setting up the pace in our relationship, and she never complained even once. She's an angel.
I let out another sigh and tell Martha of something big in my relationship with Ana, "if told her about my childhood. Or at least part of it. The why I have those fucking touch issues."
"Oh?" Martha says with surprise, all the while writing down in her notebook and I understand.
It took me months and months of her harassing me for me to finally open up to my parents and my siblings. I can be pretty stubborn when I want to, and she knows it. But with Ana, it comes so naturally, I don't really think about it, I just feel and I end up telling her about my life.
"Yes. It happened Saturday night, our first night together. And she said that she wouldn't push me until I was ready. "
"Mmmhmmm," she says, still writing before she looks up and asks, "When you say together, do you mean that —"
"No. We didn't get to that part, yet. It's … complicated. Elliot suggests hypnosis and … I want your professional opinion on the matter."
She clears her throat and puts her pen down on her lap for a moment, making me sit up straight as she readjusts her glasses on her nose, "Hypnosis has been known to help a great deal of people with many issues. Quitting an addiction, realigning some things in their lives, even losing weight."
"But?" Because I can feel the but coming. She has a small disabused smile and she goes on,
"But, we therapists prefer cognitive behaviour treatments. Then again, your haphephobia has always been the issue that you refused to have treated this way, and maybe it can be what will trigger you to move on."
I am a little baffled because I really thought she was going to tell me that hypnotisers were all quacks and that I shouldn't let myself fall into that hole.
"What does Ana think about it? Have you told her about any of that?"
"Yes. She says that if I should do it, it shouldn't be because of her, because she isn't the one pushing me."
I see the surprise in her eyes before she picks back up her pen and writes down, turning the page. She wrote a freaking novel today!
"Do you easily open up to Ana about your touch issues? Compared to your family at first for instance?"
"Yes," I immediately answer, and she keeps on writing. It's only when her eyes go back to me that I feel that I should let out what really bothers me about all of this, and why I need to try this hypnosis thing the fastest possible,
"I hurt her yesterday night."
She barely seems surprised, as if she had expected me to do so. "How?"
I relate the incident, how I tried my best to beat it but was unsuccessful in the end and how Ana had to call me out as I left her with burning wrists. Ana brushed off the thing when I asked her about it this morning, but I certainly didn't! I can't get over the fact that I hurt the woman I love.
I had a hundred white roses delivered to her office this morning, and I was planning on buying her a bracelet, but I stopped myself when she texted me to thank me and lets me know that everyone at work was teasing her because they made the correlation between the picture and the bouquets.
Martha turns back her page, reading something she wrote before she asks me, "Don't you feel that maybe this is the reason why you were dreaming of her father?"
"Because I hurt her?"
"You said yourself that they were close, and we've seen in the past how you feel that it is Carrick's duty to protect Mia from any wrongdoings that may happen to her," she starts and I finish,
"So the Colonel trying to kill me in my dream was my brain punishing me for hurting Ana because I know he would definitely try to hurt me if he knew I hurt his little girl?"
She nods and I am much more satisfied with this explanation. It is much more plausible than me randomly dreaming of a guy who wants to kill me.
"How did Ana react to you 'hurting' her?"
"Ana is perfect. She ended up being the one comforting me."
Martha nods, writing down, before flipping several pages, reading something she wrote weeks ago and asking me, "Has Ana experienced any sort of trauma in the past?"
"I don't think so? You think she has?!"
"I think she is very patient and understanding and she seems to know what triggers you without you having to tell her first. You did mention that she is very observant and maybe she is just very empathetic. But sometimes, people are so … lenient because they have had a similar trauma in their lives themselves."
I pale at those words. Has anything happened to my sweet Ana? Is this why her father is so overprotective? It never asked her anything about it, and just stayed in my little bubble, wrapped in my own trauma.
"She never said …" I stop myself realising how hypocritical I was being. I usually don't open up about my trauma either. In fact, there are still things I haven't told Ana about my past.
Martha gives me a sympathetic smile and tries to reassure me, "Maybe she hasn't been through anything, Christian. As I said, she just might have good observing skills and being a good empathy."
I shake my head, refuting her words. There is something off about Ana. I've always felt it. She always ticks when I compliment her beauty, she had no picture of herself and she never tries to outdo herself when she gets ready. So I tell Martha,
"She doesn't like when I compliment her. Her smile systematically drops when I do so."
"Some women just don't believe that they are beautiful. Many more than you think."
Well, I am going to fucking make sure that she knows she is beautiful! This is going to be my life mission to convince her that she is a fucking goddess!
"It seems that you have crossed some bridges in your relationship with Ana."
I nod, agreeing with her before I confess to her the realisation I came up with this weekend, "I love her."
"Oh? And have you told Ana?" She asks, writing down.
"No. I don't want her to freak out."
"Why would she?"
"It's only been a few weeks."
She raises an eyebrow at me, crossing her legs as she says the same thing as Elliott said before, "But you have been knowing each other for a while now. And you have been interested in Ana for just as long."
I think about it, asking myself why indeed I haven't told Ana about my feelings for her. I love her, and I'm not afraid of it. I don't care if her father wants to kill me for it, if the media wants to crucify me for it, if my father wants to lecture me for it, I just love her.
But then it becomes clear, "I want the words back. And if im not sure that I will get them, I won't say them first."
And she writes again. It has been years since she wrote that much. Since I was a teen.
"Isn't it silent and emotional blackmail, though?" She questions and I feel that I should have expected this question. But either way, I have the perfect comeback,
"No. It's me preserving myself from rejection."
"Why would she reject your love?"
I shrug and she condescendingly reminds me, "We have been through this, Christian. You deserve —"
"No, it's not about me being unworthy. It's just … something she said yesterday night that … we were talking and at some point, she talked about marriage, but the way she said the word … I don't know. I feel that she's in it just for the fun."
She writes again, though her eyes are half on me as she reminds me, "I just want to point out, Christian, fun affairs rarely include putting up with people's issues. The principle of fun is to have no problem whatsoever in the relationship. Just the physical connection."
She let that sink in, and though I understand what she is saying, I am not backing down from my position, "I don't care. I'm not telling her just yet. I want the words back."
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💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚
💚Okay, I am waiting for the apologies for calling the Colonel crazy! Pfff, Apologise, now XD
💚 Do you think Martha is right and that Christian is doing an emotional and SILENT blackmail?
💚 And what do you think about Ana? Does she have trauma or is she just that good at reading people?
💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?
💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise, Everything else is mine (including the mistakes and grammar errors).
Love, Mina 💚💚💚