It had been a perfectly ordinary day in Saga prefecture. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, another middle school had been closed for the day as more stupid kids fell victim to Japan's growing murder-ghost crisis and delaying the release of Elden Ring, and a young woman who had just left her home on her way to buy groceries was hit by a truck.

"Tae-chan!"

"Hey! Come back here, you bastard! You want to die? I'll kill you!"

As the blonde dressed like a delinquent high school girl from the Showa era chased after the murderous truck and its driver, the busty redhead was torn between trying to help—the poor woman had been decapitated by the impact—and falling into PTSD as she recalled the times she'd been hit by a truck too.

Fortunately, this is not the start of yet another stupid isekai series, because the young woman was a zombie, and thus already dead. After putting her head back on, she was as healthy as ever.

In fact, she was better than ever!

"Ah, it's nice to meet you!" the dark-haired girl said with a wide, happy smile, giving them a strange, western-style bow. "I'm name Kata—Er, I mean, Yamada Tae! S-sorry, the last thing I remember is playing Fortune Lover and my head was still in the game. I still haven't beaten the black-hearted sadist prince route, you see."

The six other girls—though one of them was a full grown woman—stared at her curiously. "Good morning!" they chorused. Ah, that was nice of them.

"So, as you can see," the very loud man who still wore sunglasses indoors in the basement of a… prison cell?… said, "our final member, the LEGENDARY YAMADA TAE—!"

"Kyah! Loud!" the aforementioned girl said with a wince, clamping her hands on her ears.

"—has finally awoken! With our group now at FULL POWAH, Franchouchou will now be able to rise to new heights!"

"Um, excuse me?"

Everyone looked at Tae, who was raising her hand like she was in school.

"Yes?" the very loud man said in a surprisingly normal voice.

"Why are we in jail?" She pointed at the metal bars behind the row of seats.

"She actually asked about it!" the red-haired girl said.

"No reason, it just looks cool to be in here," the very loud man said.

"Oh. Okay!"

"She accepted the excuse?"

"Hey, hey," the delinquent-looking girl who seemed friendly said. "Aren't you… worried about any of this? I mean, you're in what looks like a jail with six other girls who look like this," she waved at the zombie cosplay she was wearing, "with a super-suspicious man. Aren't you concerned at all?"

Tae stared at her. Her eyes blinked guilessly. "Ah, not really? You all seem like nice people." She gave them a wide, innocent, trusting smile.

The loud man hissed as if burned, raising a hand as if to shield him from the sight. "Too pure… too pure…" he groaned.

"What's with him?" the nice blonde delinquent girl said.

The cute little girl who looked vaguely familiar said, "He's an idol manager. They're made of pure evil, so I guess Tae-chan's innocence is painful for him."

"P-please sit down," the manager said, pointing at an empty seat at the end.

Tae sat, still confused as to what she was doing here. Memories mixed in her head… she remembered playing Fortune Lover… and then getting hit by a truck… and then being Katarina Claes… and then getting hit by a carriage…

Ah, her memories were so confused! Her brain didn't seem to want to work, like it was made of rotten mush. Oh well. She'll just roll with it until she understood what was going on.

"Now!" the manager said. "Our concert "has been delated to next week because of another middle school murder-ghost incident." There were exasperated groans at this. "Yes, I know, I know. STILL! That's no reason to slack off! So get to practicing, your worthless zombies, and make Saga great again!"

"Dude. Seriously?" the cute little girl said blandly.

The managed bowed low. "Sorry. That was too evil. I sincerely apologize. NOW GET TO WORK!"

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Topic: Was It All A Dream?!
In: Boards ► Japan ► Saga Prefecture ► Karatsu City ► Tae's Brain
Yamada Tae (Original Poster) (Verified Legendary) (Verified Katarina) (Verified Zombie) (Verified Idol) (Number Zero) (Verified Franchouchou)
Posted On Jul 31st 2021:
Was it all a dream? Or maybe a vision? No, it was real! It has to be!

I remember being Katarina Claes for years. I remember Maria's cookies and reading lots and lots of novels! I am not creative enough to just think of all those stories and plot twists! I remember making my farm, of growing lots of veggies and using my hoe! I miss my hoe. I want my hoe so I can feel better.

Everyone seems very nice though. I wonder what's with all the hollow—ah, sorry, i mean zombie—cosplay?

Oh well! I'll just roll with it. All this seems pretty fun!

(Showing page 1 of 1)

►AdventurousKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Da fuq? What happened to our forum? Who changed everything? Why is it called 'Sufficiently Legendary' now? Did we get hacked?

►Happy Katarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Maybe the site was sold to someone else overnight? A lot of that going around , I hear.

►TimidKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Ooh, there are rating buttons BESIDES just 'Like'! I can get used to this...

EDIT: Wait, why are the ratings 'Dried Squid', 'Tasty Hair', 'Sad Greenface', and 'Revenge'? Who came up with these ratings? And which one tells someone they suck?

►ChairwomanKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina) (Verified Mod)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Everyone, let's all stay calm, I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this. Who knows the number to call the server provider, this may just be some sort of mix-up.

►StudiousKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Er, have any of you read OP's tags? What's with all the new tags, anyway? It's like tag overload!

What does 'Verified Legendary' and 'Verified Zombie' mean?

AND WE'RE AN IDOL?

►Happy Katarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!

►IdolTae (Verified Idol) (Verified Zombie) (Verified Braincell) (Official Forum Account)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Hello newbies! I saw that there was a new topic and came to check it out! Welcome to 'Sufficiently Legendary', the official brain of Franchouchou's Number Zero, the LEGENDARY YAMADA TAE! Accept no substitutes! This is the only, officially sponsored brain of Number Zero!

Because of Middle School murder-ghost pandemic restrictions, we're all be working from home, and I'm so happy to see new people on this forum!

►AdventurousKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
I repeat: Da Fuq?

End of Page. 1

The red-haired girl with the Mary-grade boobs was really nice and explained what was going on, though Tae didn't really get it though.

"So, we're all zombies?" Tae repeated.

"Yes," Sakura said, nodding with a nervous smile.

"Because we all died?"

"Yup," the little girl, Lily, said, nodding enthusiastically.

"But we've been brought back. To become an idol group."

"We thought the plan sounded stupid at first too," Ai said. She was a lot like Maria. Not the Maria in the game, but the Maria she knew: stern and serious. She probably worked hard and took care of everyone.

"To make Saga prefecture famous across all Japan."

"Y-yes," Junko said. She was a quiet girl who reminded Ka—er, Tae—of someone made by mashing up Sophia and Selena when she'd first met them.

"By becoming the most famous idols ever, so we can never be forgotten, and therefore neither can Saga."

"You're just repeating everything we've said, but yeah," Saki said.

"More famous than the Beatles?"

There was a pause as everyone seemed to consider the heretical thought.

"Who?" Yugiri asked, confused.

"No, not more popular than the Beatles," Ai said. "But they're a band, not idols, so it doesn't matter!"

"Oh…" Tae said, nodding in understanding. "But… I'm not really very good on stage! In school, when we had a play, I was either a tree, or a rock, or a final boss fight!"

"Do trees and rocks really need to be performed?" Yugiri wondered.

"It's so the school can say everyone participated," Lily explained.

"Why did your play have a final boss fight?" Sakura asked.

"Don't worry," Ai said reassuringly, patting Tae on the shoulder. "You're been practicing with us for months, and you got the moves down even before you, ah, awakened. I'm sure with a little practice it'll all come back to you. You'll even be able to sing now!"

"Um, can I not?" Tae said nervously. "I'm horrible at remembering lines…"

But she was willing to join in practice. She'd never practiced with an idol group before, and it sounded like fun!

…

Ai, Junko, and Saki all stared in aghast, dawning horror as Sakura and Yugiri and Lily tried to teach Tae the moves for the routine. It was the choreography for 目覚めRETURNER, literally the first one they'd all learned as a group, which even Tae had been able to do, if in her own… specific idiom.

"I don't believe it," Ai said, horrified. "Her ability to follow choreography somehow got WORSE."

"Maybe we can hit her with the van?" Saki joked. "I mean, it worked for Sakura. Got her idol memories back and could dance again after that."

Ai titled her head, humming thoughtfully.

"Ai-chan?" Saki asked.

"I'm thinking…"

It was tough being an idol.

"Rargh?" Katarina said, drool dripping from her mouth as she stared.

"No, my squire, it is not yet time for lunch," Maria said sternly. "Just because you are on light training because of your recent injury doesn't mean you can skip the basics. Your arms are perfectly fine, you just cannot control your mouth properly. Now, continue."

"Rargh-ro! Rargh-ro!" Katarina cried, drool flying everywhere as she swung her sword, her movement practiced and perfect.

When Katarina had been hit by a runaway barrel so hard she flipped over it like an acrobat, everyone had been horrified, but she had quickly gotten up seemingly none the worse for wear. However, something about the accident—perhaps the way she had struck her head so hard on the barrel the planks had broken—had affected her ability to speak, or at the very least control her vocal chords and tongue. Still, despite her new semi-muteness, she seemed perfectly lucid and affectionate as ever, if unintelligible. Despite her best efforts, Maria's Light Magic and the best doctors that could be found had been unable to cure her strange malady.

Most of her friends wanted to use the pretext to drag Katarina home, but Maria had spoken with the Duchess. The Duchess, upon quickly arriving to meet with her daughter, had agreed it was all right for her to stay with Maria and continue her training. Indeed, the Duchess seemed perfectly capable of understanding her daughter despite her lack of articulation, nodding solemnly and replying to Katarina's seemingly nonsensical words. For that matter, so did Dame Matthew.

"Oh, she kind of sounds like mother does when she has tools in her mouth and is too busy to spit them out to talk," the other knight explained. "She has a strange accent though?"

Maria checked over her student every day, and used her Light Magic on her, but alas, it was in vain. Still, Katarina didn't seem to mind, though her lessons with Shana had to be altered since she couldn't answer verbally anymore, at least not without Dame Matthew present to translate. She seemed to have developed a strange craving for something called 'dried squid' though…

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Topic: Rargh?
In: Boards ► Fortune Lover ► Sorcier ► Maria's Estate ► Katarina's Brain

Posted On Jul 31st 2021:
Raa Ooooo araaa ara raAaa srrr AhHhH ara RAaAAA ara Ooooo gRR mRrR Ooooo gRR nuurg Aaaaa Ooo gGGGGrRR GrRrr RRaA ssRR gRRRR ara rrAaAA Raaaa RAaAa ggRRR mrRrrrRRRR Ooo GRRr GRRRr rrAAA!

(Showing page 1 of 1)

►KnightKatarina (Verified Braincell) (Verified Katarina) (Verified Saber)
Replied On Jul 31st 2021:
Well, hello friend. Welcome to KatarinaBattles! I'm afraid I must inform you that Sorcieri is the official language of this thread and that you must provide a translation for what you just said.

End of Page. 1