I don't own twilight. What I own is my character's behavior, personality, background, and plot of my story.
Author's Note at the end.
"Lily I have no idea how I feel," is the first thing Bella exclaims as she barges into her psychologist's office before she throws herself onto one of the lounges in the room. She booked an emergency session as soon as she left the coffee shop and got into her car.
"You don't know in a good way or a bad way?" Lily asks her. Bella raises her head to look at her in surprise. Her routine with Lily is that every session starts with Bella telling her how she feels and why she feels that way. Never has she asked her in a good way or a bad way.
"Don't look at me like that. With the way you have spoken about him over the years, I expected you to show up drunk, angry enough to trash my office, expect me to offer you a drink, or all of the above, not tell me that you don't know how you feel which means that he did something out of character."
Bella shrugs her shoulders in reply which makes Lily ask her, "Okay, let me ask you a more useful question. Do you not know how you feel, or do you not know how you are supposed to feel?"
"Is there even a difference?" Bella asks sitting up and frowning.
"Sure there is. Society from childhood schools us what is appropriate and what isn't appropriate. It grooms us to feel certain ways about certain things. That's why you are supposed to feel really bad for the ailments of your high school bully even though you detest their guts," Lily answers her.
Bella sits in contemplative silence for a moment trying to find an answer to Lily. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath and holds it for a couple of seconds before she exhales loudly. She tries to feel her feeling as Lily likes to say. She lays back on the lounge and closes her eyes.
Her jaw is stiff. That's probably anger.
Her gut is in twists. That's probably fear.
Her mind is still scrambling around trying to make sense of what she discovered. That's shock.
"I am angry, afraid, and shocked," Bella finally answers her sitting up to face her.
Lily nods her head and then writes something in her notebook before she looks up and asks Bella, "Shock wasn't an emotion I was expecting. What caused it?"
"This, he said it's insurance that he won't harm Cece," Bella tells her as she hands Lily the paper. Lily silently reads it and then returns it to Bella.
"The way I see things, you shouldn't be scared or angry. You have the perfect way to get rid of him if he steps a toe out of line," Lily counsels her.
Bella rubs her hands together and bounces her knees before she tells her, "What if it's a ruse? A way for me to go complacent and forget? What if it's fake and he is only doing that as a test? Now that makes me angry."
Bella jumps to her feet and starts furiously pacing the room. Noticing that Bella is on the edge of a panic attack, Lily quickly calms her down.
"Do you feel better?" Lilly asks her sitting in the chair facing Bella's.
"Not really, but I don't feel like I am about to have a panic attack."
Lilly bobs her head before she tells her, "Let's tackle your fear one by one; tell him that he won't get to see Cece before the paperwork is filled. That will show you everything you need to know about his intentions and whether the papers are legit, and then you will go from there."
"But what if it's not and now he is suing for visitation? What if they are legit? I still don't want him anywhere near Cece," Bella tells her worried.
"Then he will get to spend the court-appointed time with her, and your job will be to make sure that he gets as little time as possible and be diligent in documenting anything he does that can help decrease the court-appointed time," Lily replies simply.
"It's not that simple Lily. I don't want my daughter to be hurt," Bella pauses to use a tissue paper to dab under her eyes before she continues, "I don't want what I felt to be her experience too. Am I asking for too much by wanting my daughter to have a childhood free from trauma?"
Lily nods her head in understanding and then tells her, "Let's look at things from a different angle. Let's say 10 or 15 years down the line, Cece meets him and he lets her know that he gave you those papers as insurance, yet you wouldn't let him spend time with her despite those papers being legit, what would you tell Cece if she came to ask you why you did what you did?"
"I would tell her everything that went down and make her understand," Bella replies.
"What if she isn't persuaded and tells you that you had insurance and that you were being selfish and decided to punish him by keeping her away from him?"
"You know I am not doing that," Bella tells her offended.
Lily replies, "I know that but Cece won't understand. She will be blinded by her wants and will hold it against you."
"So what? I should just let him hurt my daughter?" Bella demands angrily.
"Of course not, you need to let her meet him, see how it goes, and if he mistreats her make sure that she knows it's not her fault."
"So you think I should let them meet?" Bella asks her in an unsure voice.
"I think it's the best option you have."
Hello lovely people,
I hope you enjoyed reading the chapterand getting a peek into Bella's mind. I would love to comment on something one of the reviewers left in a review.
Q- It seems out of character for the Edward from the end of Left Behind to give up his parental rights.
A- No, it's not, and I know my answer sounds crazy, but I have a good explanation. Edward was so appealed by what he did and he couldn't comprehend the consequences of his action to the point that he would have rather died than face reality. It's not so different from him giving Bella those papers to make sure that she can protect herself and Cece from him. Edward is aware of what he is capable of and is extremely terrified of what his anger and need to control could lead to, that is why he gave Bella those papers. Obviously, most people know the difference between right and wrong, but a lot of times people with good intentions and self-centered wants end up harming others out of a lack of awareness of the consequences of their actions and because people like to think of themselves as good people, being told about their actions creates cognitive dissonance and they refuse to acknowledge the reality. The only time they do is when they are faced with something so huge that they can no longer pretend to be good and then they are able to examine their behavior as a whole through a new lens. I hope my thought process for Edward's character makes sense.
Please leave a comment in the review section. It could be your favorite part, thoughts, feeling, or even criticism. Any and every comment you leave is read and taken into consideration. Your comments motivate me to update faster, and help me grow as a writer.
Until my next update,
Stay Safe