I don't own twilight. What I own is my character's behavior, personality, background, and the plot of the story.
Bella looks through the rearview mirror and spots Cece with a serious expression on her face. The last week has been rough on her. Since her confrontation with Edward, Cece has been unusually quiet. That is to be expected. It's not every day a person finds the parent they have lived their entire life without.
Bella isn't worried. No matter how long it takes Cece to wrap her head around Edward being her parent and having a legitimate reason for absence, she will forgive him. Edward on the hand left her house hopeless. Bella has talked to him twice trying to boost his mood and telling him that everything will be alright but to no avail. He has given up. It's almost like explaining himself to her made him at peace with his actions and now he is fine with their consequences.
Every time Bella thinks of him, she has to fight the urge to drive to his house and punch him, not that she knows where he leaves. She has only seen pictures. He invited her over but she declined. She has no reason to go without Cece's presence and Edward is smart enough to make his house child friendly for a seven years old.
She wants to scream at him, she is your child. You can't give up on her. Being a parent is all about pushing forward when all you want to do is throw in the towel. She doesn't. She knows that if she starts going, there will be no stopping her.
Cece likes her alone time. Cece likes to think on her own. She prefers thinking things through and hates having to decide something in a moment. She prefers sitting back and measuring things from ever angle. More importantly, Cece isn't confrontational. She doesn't ask outright questions. She prefers asking indirect questions and coming to her own conclusion.
Cece has been asking Bella some interesting questions over the last three day. Yesterday, for example, she asked if kids have to see their biological parents all the time as she sees her or if she needs to only see them once or twice a month like she sees Marco.
Before that, she asked Bella if people should forgive.
"Come in," Bella says loudly from behind her disk after she hears the sound of a knock on the door of her office.
Cece partly opens the door and peeks her head to ask, "Do you have time for me?"
"I always have time for you," Bella answers her smiling and shutting her laptop.
Cece walks inside and sits on one of the chairs opposite her desk before telling her, "But you are busy a lot."
Bella frowns as she tells her, "That does not mean that you aren't my priority."
Cece nods her head and then looks down at her hands before she asks her, "Should we forgive people?"
Bella hides her smile knowing that Cece is finally getting around to forgiving Edward. "What brought this own?"
Cece plays with her bracelet as she tells her, "I was thinking of if we should forgive people and I realized that I don't know if I know how to forgive."
Bella smiles at her and takes a minute to think. "Let's ignore whether you can forgive or not, the more important question is; do this person deserve forgiveness?"
Cece is confused for a moment before she shrugs her shoulders and tells her, "I don't know."
Bella nods her head expecting her answer and tells her, "If it's not an automatic yes, it's an automatic no."
Cece looks perplexed as she asks her, "Are you saying that I shouldn't forgive this person?"
Bella shakes her head as she tells her, "I am saying that you are not ready to decide yet. Give yourself more time and you will know your decision."
As much as Cece forgiving Edward is important to Bella, Bella wants to make sure that his situation doesn't lead to Cece becoming a doormat and forgiving anyone. She wants her daughter to know how to build boundaries and not take shit from anyone.
"Have you forgiven me?"
Bella looks up in shock not sure what to answer her. She was worried that guilt is something Cece is dealing with but now she knows for sure and she isn't sure how she feels about that.
"For what sweetie?" she decides to ask instead.
"For having me," Cece answers her.
"Darling if I didn't want you, I wouldn't have had you," Bella answers automatically.
"But that doesn't answer my question. You can want things that are terrible for you," Cece replies. Bella tries to hide her smile. If Cece is quoting to her what Edward told her, then she must be thinking of what he said a lot.
Bella tilts her head to the side and tells her, "Or you could want things that require sacrifices Cece."
Cece nods her head in understanding and is silent for a moment before she asks her, "But if something is good for you why would it need sacrifices?"
"Because we can't have everything. We can try really hard to but we can't."
Bella focuses on the road and takes a turn and parks in the parking lot of the park.
She cuts off the engine and takes off her seatbelt to get out of the car but is stopped by Cece asking her, "Mummy have you forgiven Edward?"
Bella fights the urge to bang her head against the wheel. She doesn't want to answer Cece that, but knowing Cece, not answering might turn her against him.
"For what?" Bella asks instead feeling like a broken record.
"For not helping you when I was born and only being ready now," Cece answers.
Bella is quiet for a moment trying to think of an appropriate answer to give. "I have never held it against him."
She holds his abuse against him. She holds his anger against him. She holds the accident against him. She holds having to move to Italy against him. She holds her hurt against him. She holds so much against him to the point that when the dust settled and she realized how much of a responsibility raising a child is and how much she is fucked up by doing it alone, she had no more space in her heart to hold anything against anyone let alone hold a new thing against Edward.
"You didn't answer my question," Her perceptive daughter tells her.
"When did you decide to grill me?" Bella asks her letting a nervous laugh out.
Cece twists her arms across her chest and tells her, "Mummy I am serious. Have you forgiven Edward?"
Bella sighs before telling Cece the truth. "Yes I feel not very nice things over your daddy making me need other people's help because being a parent is a huge responsibility and requires a lot of work, but for every hard hour I put in, I was rewarded with an hour of memories. I know that when you walked, you held into the couch not my hand. I know that your first word was mama in front of grandpa. I remember how you never cried as a baby. I remember that as soon as you learned how to get out of your crib, you used to climb out of it and come to sleep beside me without waking me up. That is my reward. He doesn't have that."
"But you are still angry?" Cece probes.
"Sweetie, I don't know if I am holding it accountable against him or not and it doesn't matter because I was rewarded for being present and he was punished. I feel peace knowing that," Bella finishes, and judging from the expression on Cece's face, this is the last of it.
"Now get out of the car. You have made Maria and Miss Victoria wait long enough," Bella tells Cece and then opens her car door and gets out. She opens Cece's door and waits for her to get out knowing that Cece prefers her independence.
Cece takes Bella's hands and then tells her, "Mummy, I think Edward deserves forgiveness."
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