A Keith Interlude

"Wait, WHAT?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" Katarina Claes shrieked. (+3 Insight) "You love me?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!" (+3 Insight)

The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance and Dead Man Walking smiled. "Yes, Katarina. I love you. Finally, you understand how I feel."

"You love me?-!-?-!"

"Yes, Katarina, I love you! I'll say it as many times as I need to, I love you!"

Katarina stared at him, then began nodding. "Ah… Okay, in understand now…"

Keith's heart sank as The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance and the Whose Corpse Was About To Be The Cause Of The Morpork Rebellion Against Sorcier smiled wider. Keith grit his teeth. No, it couldn't' end like this! He had to do something. He took a deep breath, ready to declare his love and hex the consequences—

"You're heartbroken," Katarina said, still nodded, and Keith choked on the breath he just drew in. "I should have realized… All these months you've been hurting inside, and I didn't see it! Ever since Maria and Rafael confessed their love for each other, you must have been all broken up that she didn't pick you, so now you're trying to get over her by forcing yourself to fall in love with someone else in an effort to forget and since I'm your fiancée I'm the most convenient—"

Keith was treated to the sight of The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance throwing back his head and screaming in frustration, his hands clawing at his royal blond hair. At least, he was treated to the sight for the time it took his own face to fall into his hands. He hated it when he felt any sort of empathy and compassion for the prince…

"No! No, no, no, no, no! I am not, nor have I ever been in love with Maria damned to the dead gods Campbell!" The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance cried, interrupting Katarina. "I don't care about her! I never have! I never will! That woman is violent and thinks I'm insane and if she weren't my annoying and useful friend I'd have nothing to do with her! I don't love her, Katarina, I love YOU and only you!"

Any other woman would have started backing away or outright running when a man starts screaming at her while tearing at his hair. That's how one disappears and the Blades of the Darkmoon ominously show up at the residence of one's relations to solemnly ask them to identify a body. Certainly the cousins had all jumped when he had screamed, and Matthew had raised her shield and thrown herself in front of her siblings and other cousins as if on instinct. Katarina, bless her, just flinched and covered her ears at the volume, even as she plainly tried to pay attention to what he was saying.

"I have loved you for years!" The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance continued to rant, hands held up beseechingly. "Every day I've known you, my love has only grown and grown! I can't imagine living without you, and I want you to be by my side for the rest of my life! I love you Katarina Claes, and I'll keep repeating it until it sinks into your adorably thick skull!"

The words echoed in the air, before fading away into an embarrassed silence punctuated on by the sounds of The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance panting, his shoulders heaving in exertion. Slowly, self-consciously, he straightened up properly, then turned around and very quickly and awkwardly tried to straighten his hair, before eventually giving it up as a lost cause and turning around to face Katarina and the silent, staring group of cousins again. "Ahem… so. Katarina Claes, my fiancée… I love you. I want you to be my wife. I want you by my side forever."

"Oh… oh… " Katarina said. Keith was horrified to see her start blushing. No. No no no no no…! "Um… b-but, why me? I mean, I'm no one special, and I have these villains eyes—"

"Your eyes don't matter," The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance interrupted again. "It never has. I love you."

Katarina's blush deepened, and she actually covered her eyes with one hand. "Ugh, don't just say things like that to a girl… my heart's not ready! I've never had anyone say those things to me before… "

Keith, who knew all of them said things like that to Katarina as often as possible all the time, just sighed. For some reason, he thought of Mary, who practically and literally shouted such things from the rooftops…

The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance smiled confidently. Compared to the smiles Keith had been seeing over the past few days, it looked like a travesty. "Then let's get married, Katarina. Let's get married and—"

"Ew! Ew, ew, EW, EW!-!-!-!-!" Katarina shuddered. "That's… EW!"

Keith wanted to take pleasure at seeing the Third Prince stiffen, his smile becoming a cracking mask on his face. He really did. And he sort of did. But he also couldn't help himself from wincing as the Third Prince looked like someone had just stabbed him in the heart.

"That's… EW!" Katarina said again, clutching at her arms. "L-look, ジオ—I mean, your highness—"

"You don't have to call me that, Katarina. I love you, just call me by—"

"Your highness!" Katarina repeated louder, interrupting him. "L-look, I hear you… I don't get it, but I hear you… but even if I don't see why you'd possibly be in love with me—"

"Katarina, I lo—"

"Let me finish!" Katarina cried. "I heard you, all right? I heard you, and I… I…"

Oh no… oh no… no, no, he had to say something, he—

"I can't marry you!" Katarina cried, and the heavens opened up, ringing with songs of joy and the sound of trumpets and he felt light, lighter than anything as his Dark Soul was buoyed up on with of rapture… "I can't marry you, all right? I mean, you're my oldest friend, it would be weird! We've known each other for forever, it would be like… like… like marrying Keith—!"

Darkness. Emptiness. Nothingness.

"—or Mary or Sophia or Alan… It's just… EW!"

Tiny embers, snuffed out forever, crushed under an uncaring boot…

"I-it's not that I don't like you… but I only think of you as a friend!"

He shouldn't be surprised by this. It made perfect sense, after all.

"But… but I love you, Katarina!"

I love you, Katarina…

"Yes, I already heard you—"

"Why don't you love me back?-! You understand my feelings now, so why—?-!-?-!"

Why don't you love me back…?

"Look, I already said, it would be weird—"

"I've loved you for years! There's no other woman for me, why—?-!"

I've loved you for years…

"Ah, maybe that's because of me? I mean, you were using me as a shield to protect you from marriage proposals, so maybe you just never met the right woman…"

"YOU'RE THE RIGHT WOMAN!"

"Your highness!" Matthew snapped. "If you cannot compose yourself, then I must ask you to leave!"

Matthew had moved in front of Katarina, her shield raised protectively. Watson had moved to the side, now most definitely gripping his sword, ready to draw in a heartbeat.

The Third Prince glared at the knight. "Stay out of this!" he snapped, fists clenched.

"No," she snapped right back. "I will not have you threatening my cousin!"

"I'm not threatening her, I love her!" the Third Prince roared.

"And she doesn't love you!" Matthew snapped back. "Accept it!"

"No! No, she understands now, she—"

"Ah! Everyone, calm down, calm down," Katarina said, stepping between them, hand raised. "There's no need to fight, we're all friends here…"

"Katarina!" the Third—The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance cried, reaching forward to grab her hand. "Katarina, you understand now that I love you, right? So you should—"

"Let her go!" Keith roared, stepping forward and grabbing Katarina's other arm and pulling her back.

"Ah! Keith, that—"

The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance snarled, pulling her back. Keith didn't let go, however, and set his feet to—

"Argh!" The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance cried as Katarina kicked him in the shin, and he let her go. Keith started to smile in triumph as he began to pull his sister away from The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance before there was a sharp, painful impact on his leg and he cried out as he let go, hopping on one food as he clutched at his shin.

"That hurt!" Katarina cried, rubbing at her forearms. "That really hurt!"

"Sister," Keith panted. "I'm sorry, I was just—"

"Enough!"

Matthew's face was set into a stern visage… which Keith thought wasn't very stern, but maybe that was just him. "Your highness," she said, in tones where she was clearly saying 'you disgusting, diseased pus of humanity that belongs in the dreg heap'. "I think it is time for you to leave. You have far overstayed your welcome." Her shield was at her side, not raised protectively, not threatening, but clearly ready.

The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance glared at her, teeth gritted… and then his eyes shifted, turning to look at Katarina, who was still rubbing at her arms, face clearly pained. He hesitated, clearly swallowing what he had been about to say.

For the second time, he straightened, clearly trying to recover his dignity. "This… My dear Katarina, you clearly haven't yet fully understood what I mean. I will leave you so that you have time to think about what I said… and to think about me." He bowed, an empty, hollow, meaningless gesture, the broken short sword. "I will see you again soon, my beloved Katarina."

"Very unlikely," Matthew said. "Not once Aunt Millidiana hears of this."

The ADVERSARY And Enemy Of The Alliance gave her a cool look. "We shall see, Dame Romani," he said, turning away dramatically, his cape flapping despite the lack of wind. Ugh, how did he keep doing that?!

They all stood, tense as they watched him walk away, no on calming down until her rounded a corner and disappeared from sight.

Only then did Keith sighed in relief, and he wasn't the only one.

"Did we just commit treason?" Olga said, sounding terrified.

"No, we didn't touch him," Watson said. "Only Katarina did, and if he charges her with treason…"

"Argh!" Katarina cried. "Am I going to get exiled now? I don't want to get exiled! I've been doing great in my training, I don't want to have to stop to get exiled!"

Keith stared at her… and sighed. "Katarina… he just told you he loves you. I doubt he's going to have you exiled."

"Unless he plans to exile her to some place that he can have her all to himself…" Cousin Adella said darkly.

That wouldn't surprise Keith… "Sister, are you all right?" he said.

"I'm fine, Keith," she said. "But next time, don't pull me so hard! It hurt!"

Keith winced. "Sorry, sister," he said again. Then, tentatively, "You really don't love him?"

His sister blinked, tilting her head and audibly humming as she thought. "Nope. I mean, I like him, he's my friend… and actually, I'm very glad I became engaged to him." Eh? "After all, if it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have become my little brother!" Oh… that's right! He was adopted to inherit the title because Katarina couldn't anymore…

"But…" She shook her head. "He's just a friend…" She suddenly frowned. "I hope he gets that though. Sometimes when I talk to him it's like he's not paying attention at all!"

Keith couldn't help it. His face dropped into both hands as he groaned.