I don't own Twilight. What I own is my character's behavior, personality, background, and the plot of the story.
Author's note at the end of the chapter.
"What can I get you?" the bartender asks Edward.
Edward looks up and stares at him. He has brown eyes and black hair. His eyes seem too small for his face and his lips too big, but Edward doesn't comment on that. A recovering alcoholic in a bar is in no position to comment on anyone.
"Sir," the bartender mutters impatiently.
Edward looks down at his hands and tells him, "Whatever you have on tap."
Less than a minute later, the beer lands in front of him. He reaches out to it, but instead of lifting it up, he lowers his head till his chin is on the counter and then stares at it as he continues holding it.
A voice inside him tells him to drink. When he drinks, he forgets everything. All of his pain leaves his body with the first sip of alcohol. Everything is better with a drink. Life is more fun when you are drinking. Dealing with people is easier when you are drinking.
He lifts up the glass.
No. No. Life might be easier with alcohol, but he isn't. He is a nightmare to deal with when drunk. He gets angry and ugly. His pain makes him hurt people when he is drunk. He has grown so much since he has quiet drinking, he isn't going to risk it. He is proud of the year of sobriety he has under his belt, but he knows he would have been prouder had he not fallen off the bandwagon a couple of times since he decided to quit.
His daughter deserves a sober father. He will not drink.
What will he do? Drive himself crazy trying to understand? Lose his mind because he is refusing to give himself the thing he needs to function? How different is alcohol from other medicines? Both of them make the sick feel better. Both of them mask something that's broken inside one's self.
Edward gets a determined look on his face and lifts up the beer.
No. Think of Cece. Cece deserves better that a drunk father. She deserves stability. She deserves a patient father that doesn't get angry at her over spilling something. She deserves love that he can only provide to her while sober.
He drops the beer down and keeps his hold on it as he picks his phone up and texts her. The only way to stop himself from drinking is to deal with what is triggering him to drink.
He waits. Maybe it was for 15 minutes, or maybe it was 30. It didn't matter much to him. Time moved it as it always does and finally, he feels her presence before he sees her shadow looming over him and smells her perfume.
"I didn't drink," he mutters before she can even ask.
"Good. Now let's leave," she orders, pulling his arm up.
He doesn't budge and instead tells her, "We need to talk."
"We can do that at home. Now let's leave. You don't need more temptation."
"My issue isn't the temptation. It's the trigger. You are the trigger and if we don't talk here, I will chicken out of doing it," he mutters angrily as he turns to face her.
The look on his face must have been convincing as her expression softened then she drags one of the stools near his chair and sits on it. "What is it?"
"In the hospital, you knew what I meant," he tells her suddenly feeling too shy to spell things out for her.
She frowns in confusion then tells him, "I am not sure what you are talking about."
He takes a deep breath and then tells her, "In the hospital when we talked about love, you knew that I didn't mean Tanya but you played dumb."
Bella's face freezes for a couple of seconds then she laughs a humorless laugh and asks him, "I thought I had you fooled."
"You did," He confirms.
"Then how did you figure it out?" She asks him surprised.
"Victoria."
"Come again," she tells him frowning.
"Victoria. It's a long story I don't want to get into," he tells her. She nods her head in understanding.
"Is me loving you so repulsive that you had to pretend that you didn't understand who I was talking about?" Edward asks her after a minute of silence.
"Of course not," Bella tells him automatically.
"Then why?" Edward asks pleading for her to make him understand.
Bella sighs then looks down at her hands thinking over her answer before she tells him, "I don't know how to deal with you loving me."
Edward's nose scrunches in confusion. "I know how to deal with you loving me when you are mistreating me or angry at me for leaving, but I don't know how to deal with you when you are good to me. It scares me."
"Bella, your clarification confused me more than it cleared up anything," he tells her laughing nervously.
She looks away then tells him, "The last time you treated me this way was before we started dating and you made me fall in love with you. In theory, I understand that you are a different person and you are a better person than the one you were, but in practice that scares the shit out of me. You have the power to destroy me. I can't go back to how things were."
Wriggling his fingers, Edward asks her, "Is falling in love with me that bad?"
"The worst," Bella whispers looking down, "I don't know if I can trust myself or trust you enough to do that."
A moment later, Bella feels a finger lift up her chin until she is staring Edward in the eye and he tells her, "That's okay. Never trust me again. As long as you love me enough to stay with me I will be happy."
Bella stares into his eyes and for the first time in years, she seriously considers letting him back into her life. He is a great father to Cece. He stopped drinking. He is one of the most patient people she knows. He loves her and she knows just how much he does. She doesn't think he will ever betray her.
He leans forward till their foreheads are touching then whispers, "Please. Give us another shot."
Bella closes her eyes and inhales his perfume and it overwhelms her because it's the same damn perfume he used when they were together. It's the same fucking perfume she smelt when he would scream at her in the car. It's the same fucking perfume he would spray as he told her that if she lets any guy flirt with her he will punch them. It's the same perfume that had its smell mixed in with alcohol when Edward had too much fun.
Bella's eyes snap open. What is wrong with her? Is she seriously going to let him back in? After everything he did to her?
"Hell no. I can't," she mutters as she picks up her clutch and runs out of the door. Edward doesn't try to stop her. He doesn't run after her. He doesn't tell her to stop. She has earned the right to run. He'll be damned if he takes that right from her.
Hello lovely people,
We finally reached the moment in the summary. It's such a great milestone for us and I am so happy that you are here to share it with me.
Originally, this moment was supposed to happen a bit down the line when Bella finally forgives Edward but while writing this chapter, I realized that writing it this way felt right.
What do you think will happen next? Let me know. I have never drank alcohol. I don't have experience with alcohol abuse or any addictions. All my portrayals are based on personal creativity and observation of others. If you feel like there is something inaccurate, let me know.
Also, if you enjoy my writing, please check out my substack where I post my original writings. It's information is in my bio.
Until I post again,
Stay Safe.