A/N- Hope everyone's had a great week! Enjoy chapter 17!

Chapter 17

My breaths come in uncertain waves, the ground beneath me feeling more like a cloud. My head feels foggy and my body shaky. My hands claw the grass, trying to ground myself to this reality. I try to focus my eyes on the canopy of trees, the gentle swaying motions they do as the wind pushes them back and forth. I stare hard, forcing the tears to stay back. Emotions rally through me, ones I've never thought I could feel. Who am I? Do I really belong anywhere? Or am I just an unwanted child being kicked from one home to another. I push the heel of my palm into my eyes hard, Athua entering my mind. Is there even one ounce of me that belongs to my home?

Questions start to stack in my mind, crushing each other as larger ones appear. How is this real? How are they my parents? A couple from Abnegation- in Tosken. Are they from Athua? Did they move to Tosken after we were born? We. My sweet brother's text pops into my mind.

'Hey, Bea! Just want to check in to see how everythings going? Life's pretty dull without you around. Give me a call when you're free.'

How do I tell him? All of our life we had assumed that our biological parents were dead or wanted nothing to do with us- I never expected to meet them- I never wanted to meet them. My life had been perfect, my family perfect. The best thing those two ever did for us was to leave us before the Palace that fateful night.

I let out a muffled scream into my sleeves, the frustration simmering inside of me needing a release. It does nothing. Instead, I just feel exhausted. My arms fall to the floor. I close my eyes.

"Tris?" A voice asks.

My eyes open slowly, unsure how long I've had them closed. My head turns to the side, and I see a figure in black approaching fast. I blink the haze away and realise its Four.

"Hey." I breathe out.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asks, coming to a stop when he gets to me. He crouches down, hands hovering like they're unsure what to do.

I shake my head, knowing he's thinking the worst. "I'm fine. Just had some, uh, family problems."

Looking confused, he sits down next to me, leaning against the tree. "You didn't sound fine on the phone, Tris." He says sternly. I flash back to what I now realise was another panic attack.

I drag my hands down my face, fully wanting to disappear. "Yeah, I didn't mean to shove my meltdown down your throat. Why don't we just forget what happened." I twist my head to look at him. He's already looking down at me, shaking his head.

How am I even going to explain this?

We sat in silence for a bit, me not knowing what to say, and him waiting for an explanation. "Did someone in your family call you?" He asks when he doesn't get anything.

A weight fills my chest, almost choking me. There's no getting around this. Do I even want to skirt around this? No, I don't. "No- well I mean Caleb did text me, but that doesn't really have anything to do with it." I sit up, legs crossed as I look at Four. "You know I'm adopted, right?"

He nods, "Was a big deal for a two year old." He cracks out a weak grin. I stare blankly back at him, our moods shifting.

"I liked you better when you were out of it this morning."

He chuckles. "Your bed is very comfy, I'll admit."

Shouts come from the street, close enough that I can just make out what they're saying. I look at Four, my eyes widening when I hear them say my name. "I'm not going back." I say in a rush.

He pokes his head around the tree. "Of course you're not." He looks at me, then grabs my hands, pulling me up with him. "We're going to Dauntless."

The train ride to the compound was just under an hour, enough time to indulge him in what had happened. It took most of the journey to get through the events, with both of us going off on tangents.

"You know," he began, "this makes the choosing ceremony way more logical now." I could see his mind working, his eyes flickering back and forth in contemplation. "If Natalie and Andrew are from Tosken, then that means you've always been the rightful Princess." Eagerness had encompassed his voice. "I could talk to my parents, but that may make them suspicious. I could look in the document room? All the staff details are in there." He moved away from the open door, crouching in front of me. His balance was impeccable. The wind blew his wavy hair around his face ephirelly. I averted my eyes.

"I don't know how I'm going to go back." I say quietly. "They both work with your parents- and now with Natalie miraculously recovering, they'll both be there."

Repositioning, he slides down next to me. "I'm not saying it's going to be easy, Tris." I looked up at him, his dark blue eyes shining down at me. We're so close that I can pick out a fleck of light blue in his left iris. The proximity is overwhelming. "We can stay in Dauntless for the weekend, but there's work to be done back at the Palace."

I sigh, turning my head towards the open door. "I'm sorry if I'm being insufferable-"

"Nothing about this situation is insufferable, Tris. You are not insufferable." From the corner of my eye, I could see how serious he's being. His gaze shifted then. "We'll talk about this later. We need to jump."

"So are you going to tell me why you look like death?"

Christina, hands on her hips, looks at me expectantly. From the moment we bumped into her and the rest of them, she's been badgering me about why I'm not in Abnegation. She then grabbed my face in her hands, inspecting. I've never been too good at keeping my expression unreadable when it comes to keeping things to myself, it looks like my tearful face hasn't helped that. When we reached Four's and my floor, Christina had pulled me into my apartment. The rest didn't notice, not with us being in the back of the group. Zeke had Four in an intense conversation about who knows what. I doubt he would have noticed if we had been kidnapped.

She had stomped to the floor length windows, pulling the curtains shut. Then she locked the front door. Now she's staring at me so intently that my face fills with heat.

My hands twitch for my necklace, but I force them to stay still. "It's a long story, Christina. Can we talk about it when we're back?" I suck in a breath, watching her face contort.

"No, Tris!" She explodes. "I've turned a blind eye for too long. You go missing for the day, then you get back- injured most of the time. And then you and Four make up some dumb excuse to expalin why? It's disturbing, Tris. You're supposed to be in Abnegation. Nothing bad happens in Abnegation! But look at you! Bloodshot eyes, leaves in your tangled hair. Once again, you come sauntering in with Four- and you want me to leave it until Monday?" She's pointing an accusing finger at me. "You're going to tell me what's happening, right now. I don't care who else you tell or if you don't tell anyone at all. We don't keep secrets from each other." Her breath hitches, and my throat lodges. We don't keep secrets from each other, I know that. But even I don't know what's going on with Erudite, and I hated the thought of bringing her into this and putting her in some kind of danger. I look at her now, knowing I have to let her in.

"I'm sorry, Chritsina. It was stupid of me to think that keeping things from you was the best decision." I timidly look up at her, my gut dropping when her face stays the same. "Sit down and I'll tell you everything."

Tears line her eyes, waiting to pool over. "Your parents?" She whispers. I press my lips together, nodding. My eyes flicker to my closed bedroom door, in dire need of a long undisturbed sleep. I lean my head on the top of the sofa, my headache slowly coming back.

"Are you okay, Bea?" She asks softly, her hand on my thigh.

"I don't know." I answer honestly, still feeling lost. I need to speak to Caleb. But how do I tell him? This sort of information can't just be thrown into a phone call.

"What are you going to do about Caleb? And Athur? Do you know his motive for mining in the lake?" She asks, reading my mind.

I shrug a shoulder. "It's for the sapphires, I'm sure. But I don't know why he wants them." Sighing, I think of Caleb. "And telling Caleb that our parents are living comfortably in Tosken without us isn't something I can just pop into a phone call. He'll visit at some point, I'll just tell him then."

She looks unconvinced. "Who knows when he'll visit. Do you think he'll be happy that you've kept this to yourself?"

"Well, I haven't kept it to myself, have I?" I ask pointedly. She looks unimpressed. "I'll give him a call and see when he can visit. Better?"

She nods, satisfied. "Have you told anyone else?"

I didn't go into too much detail after Four found me in that small park. I vaguely told her that we hopped onto a train to Dauntless straight after and then we bumped into them. "Only Four. I couldn't not tell him." I say, "If you realised something wasn't right a good 2 hours after I stopped crying, there was no way Four wasn't going to." I hope she doesn't ask why I didn't call her first, I wouldn't have an answer.

Her warm brown eyes smile fondly at me as she pulls me in. I squeeze her back, a weight lifting off of me. "Thanks for telling me, Bea. I'll always be here for you, okay? If you can count on one rock in your life, that rock is me." I smile into her shoulder, no regrets in letting her in. I should have done it weeks ago. I don't think about how Four will react to me sharing our Erudite issue with Christina. He's told Robert, now we're even.

Christina leaves after that. I tell her I'm going to take a nap and not to worry. She's hesitant to leave me alone, but does as I ask. I grab a glass of water from the kitchen, chug it, then crawl under the sheets. My eyes close, but my mind doesn't let up. My stomach churns just thinking about the two of them. Why leave us? She mourned us- is still mourning us. The pink baby blanket flashes before me, the scrunched up material lying helplessly at the end of the crib. I mourn the baby in that crib- the helpless thing I once was. I have never felt so far away from anything in my life.

I try to clear my head, my chest heavy. I push myself to think of something lighter, but nothing comes to mind. I settle on the sound of the air conditioning, counting the cycles until I nod off.

A hinge creaks- and a floorboard I think. "You awake?" A whisper from the doorway. I peel open my eyes, seeing Four's outline.

"I am now." I croak out.

The low light doesn't allow me to see his expression, but I can feel his amusement filling the room. "Good." He replies, moving closer to the bed. "Move over."

I groan, shifting my tired body to the side. "What's wrong with your bed?" I ask, already reclosing my eyes.

I feel him move around, trying to get comfortable. "They've all decided to have a sleepover in my apartment. Zeke, Shauna and Lauren want it to be authentic so they want to share my bed."

I smile lazily. "They're not going to be happy when they wake up and don't find you there." I lift myself up on one elbow, looking over him with squinted eyes at the alarm clock. 2:00am. I slept the whole day. And I still feel awful.

"We did start to worry that you were dead the later you slept. Zeke started calling you Sleeping Beauty." He jokes. "Christina had her head on your chest, watching it rise and fall. I can't say it wasn't amusing." He's on his side, my eyes adjusting enough to see tiredness in his eyes. He was probably looking forward to a good night's sleep. Yesterday morning feels like years ago.

"You didn't have to sleep on the sofa last night." I say quietly. I take in our situation, not sure where this boldness has come from. Our bodies are only inches apart, our knees bent inwards. If I moved slightly, we'd touch.

I hear him inhale, then he moves onto his back. "My job was to make sure you were okay. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I'd slept in your bed."

My hands itch to touch him. The distance is too small and too large at the same time. I look at him, unsaid worlds hanging in the air. Why did you really come in here, Four? What is this?

"Four…" I trail off, wanting one of us to say it, but too scared to do it myself.

"Tobias." He says instead. I recall, caught off guard. Is that..?

"My real name." He confirms. "Tobias." He turns his head, his handsome face staring into mine. My breath hitches in my throat. Oh god. "Can we keep it just between us?"

I nod, forcing myself to say something. "Okay, Tobias." I don't hold back a smile.

"Sleep, Tris." He says."It's been a long day." Disappointment flares inside of me. I don't feel tired anymore. What I want to do is-

"Turn this off." He whispers, tapping my forehead.

I grab his hand, pushing him away. "That's not as easy as you're making it out to be." He can blame himself for my awakeness. If he hadn't waltzed in and taken over half of my bed, I'd be fast asleep by now. If his mere presence didn't make me feel like I was about to burst into flames, I'd have no problem settling in for the night.

"Try counting sheep or something."

"What great advice, I wonder why I didn't think of that one." I say blandly. "Do you know what I did before I went to bed?" I perk up, not wanting an answer. "I counted how many times the aircon went on and off."

His face scrunches up, "I don't think it's supposed to do that."

"Well it happened at least 4 times before I fell asleep."

"Thanks, Tris, now I'm going to fixate on that." He huffs, turning over dramatically.

I grin at his back. "No problem, Tobias." I turn over myself, facing the curtained window. I close my eyes, his name doing circles in my mind. Tobias. It's nice. I wonder why he doesn't let anyone call him it- I wonder where the name Four came from. I focus on the air con, counting cycles until I slowly drift off to sleep.

The sun peeks through the open slits of the curtain, a glowing stipe shining in my face. I rub my eyes, still feeling a slight pressure behind them. I look up to the nightstand, seeing the glass of water from last night. Next to them are the painkillers I didn't bother taking. I go to pick up the tablets, moving out of the warmth of the bankets. I'm pulled back without warning, the glass wobbling on the table as my fingers skim it.

I freeze, the grogginess of waking up fully clearing. There's a body behind me, an arm encircling my waist. My eyes widen, thinking of the boy who snuck into my room last night. Tobias. I don't dare turn my head, scared any movement will wake him. I take shallow breaths, willing my body not to move against his. We're close, I can feel every outline and curve of him against me.

I focus on his breathing, hearing it come soft and even. He's still asleep. I relax slightly, not realising that I'm pressing myself further into him. I stop, unsure what to do now. I could get up, gently move out from his grip and pretend this never happened. Or, I could shut my eyes and just go back to sleep. I don't feel like getting up at this moment. I'll just shut my eyes for a few more minutes and then I'll gently move myself out of his grip. The warmth from his embrace slowly ebbs in, luling me back to sleep. I'll deal with the consequences later.

When I reopen my eyes some time later, the sun seems to have lost it's warm glow. I turn on my back, stretching my arms out. My palms fists cool sheets. I sit up, seeing that Four has already gotten up. I sit there for a bit, heat filling my body. Did we really just spend the night together? Am I supposed to see him and act like that's a normal thing for friends to do? I woke up to him pressing my body into his. Do I bring it up? Do I even have the guts to do it? I didn't yesterday, but we hadn't shared a bed yesterday. Is his subconscious actions enough to go off to assume he may like me? My heart beats faster just thinking of it.

I decided to get out of bed. Decision made. I'll leave it to him to tell me what he feels, on his own. I don't want my feelings getting in the way of what he really wants. I'd hate for him to feel pressured to like me back just because I want him to. I know it could happen- history has played out before.

My too long pyjama trousers drag on the floor as I move towards the kitchen. I'm anxious to see if he's still here. It wouldn't be surprising if he went back to his apartment- even with our friends littered around.

I turn into the large room, and see him at the counter, his back to me. I shut the door behind me and he twists around, looking surprised. "Thought you'd never wake up." The room fills with an unfamiliar static. He walks towards me, two mugs in his hand. He hands me one, then sits at the island. I try to ignore the energy, forcing my legs to move. I pull out a stool, joining him.

"Of course you didn't." I reply, taking a sip of the tea he made. "Who was this for then?"

He rests his chin on his closed fist, looking at me. My eyes flicker away from his, all of a sudden feeling self conscious. My hair probably looks a mess right now and my top is two sizes too small and the bottoms are two sizes too big, I feel like a child playing around in their mothers wardrobe. I force my gaze back to his, willing myself not to look down. No bra either.

"I was actually just about to go wake you up. I was starting to believe you'd sleep the day away, again." He grins, the movement lighting up his whole face. It's startling how perfect it is. He pushes the mug up to my face. "Drink up, I've got activities planned."

"Activities?" I prod sceptically, sipping the hot tea.

He downs the rest of his, wincing at the heat. "Yeah." He gets up, grabbing a loaf of bread out of the cupboard. "We're going to go down to the training room and get started on buffing you up." He pops a few slices into the toaster, turning to look at me. Where did the bread come from?

I remember our conversation, or shall I say pep talk back at the lake. Our chat hadn't made a dent the past week- not with my fear of burning a hole in anyone who put a hand on me. It's good I got over that, I don't know how much longer I could moped in my room on my own. Even the puppy's company wasn't cutting it.

The toast pops up and he's grabbing them, sloppily spreading butter. He chucks one my way without warning and I grab it thoughtlessly. Butter coats my right hand as I stare incredulously at the culprit. "What the hell, Fo-Tobias?"

He takes a bite of his toast. "Testing your reflexes." He shrugs, "They passed." He eats quickly, then walks past me to the door. "I'm going to get ready. Meet you in 10." He winks, then is out the door. My eyes don't leave the door, even when it's just an empty frame. I feel like I've just been thrown around by a storm. I blink out of it, shoving the crumpled toast into my mouth. I quickly rinse off my hand, then move to the bathroom to get ready.

"Watch me." Tobias says, raising his voice over the busy room. When we got down to Dauntless's training room, it seemed that word had spread. Shauna and Lauren are sparing in the centre, the slightly elevated floors containing their fight. Zeke and Uriah are spread out before them, saying that Sundays are their 'rest day'. They don't hold back shoving pointers down the girls throats though. Marlene and Will have taken residence at the knife throwing station, the thuds of metal hitting cork echoing through the sparse expanse of the room. I look over my shoulder in longing. It had piqued my interest when we first walked into the room, but Tobias had other plans. Apparently, as instructor, he's the one to make the schedule.

Hands on my head pull me back to my task. "That's actually the complete opposite of watching me." The prince says, an eyebrow raised.

I look at him sheepishly. "Sorry. I can't help that my heart is elsewhere."

Looking exasperated, he concedes. "Okay, we'll do the knives." Excitement runs through me and I open my mouth to thank him. "But!" He cuts me off before any sound leaves me. "You have to show me what you've learned on the punching bag."

I let my shoulders fall, letting out a big sigh. "Fine."

I try to get the bag to move, using my knees and elbows as he had instructed. It's good advice, even when it just got me from not moving the bag at all to it swinging an inch. I remember to keep my balance centred, but something is still off. I'm sure the bag was moving further when I was hitting it before.

His splayed hand comes to rest on my stomach, and I involuntarily suck in a breath. His hand nearly crosses the whole width of my mid section. "Tension, Tris." He reminds me, his hand hovering on my stomach ever so slightly. I nod. Of course. I tense my muscles, ignoring that electric feeling spreading out of his hand. I punch again, his hand slipping off its position. The bag does a small swing and I beam at it, proud. My eyes meet the Prince's, and his face has broken out into a proud smile. "Nice one." He nods, almost to himself. "I'll get the knives set up. Why don't you see if Lynn and Christina want to join us?"

I look down the line of punching bags, watching Lynn give pointers to Christina. I nod, moving towards them.

I thought it would be odd, Christina punching a sack of sand. She's never really shown much interest in that many types of physical activity. Our cold water swimming was pushed on us more as a safety precaution than a want to do it. I'd assumed she'd be awkward at punching and kicking, her tall, slim frame looking like there's no place for muscle. But she's a natural. There's no doubt that she could fit just as well in Dauntless as she could in Candor. Tobias heads off towards Marlene and Will, whilst I walk the short distance to the pair.

"Hey." I speak up when I'm close enough. At that moment, Christina's wrapped fist hit the bag hard enough she had to move out the way to not get hit on it's way back. I stare at her, open mouthed. "Where the hell did that come from?" I gape, completely caught off guard.

Bouncing on her feet, she looks at me. "I don't know! But I'm good, aren't I?" She says giddily.

I laugh, nodding. "You're going to be very underwhelmed when you see me try and do that."

Lynn cracks a smile, catching the bag and putting it back in position. "I did catch a few of your elbows."

I grin back at her, rubbing my sore elbow. "Four said not to even bother with my fists." They both laugh. "Anyway," I say, knowing we're off subject, "He's going to show me how to throw a knife, want to join?"

"Sure." Christina says, redoing the loose ponytail at the bottom of her head.

Lynn shrugs, "Why not."

We move over to the other side of the room, coming to a stop before the table. Tobias stands just behind it, a knife twisting skillfully in his hands. "Grab a few and line up." He instructs. We all spread out, with Christina and I at the first few targets by Tobias's order. The rest of the group joins our lesson, showing off their throwing skills. Uriah begs Marlene to stand in front of the target whilst he throws knives around her. She declines without hesitation, but promises him he can shoot something off her head with a pellet gun some time. He accepts, then stands behind her, trying to perfect her aim. On the surface, she looks annoyed. But when she thinks no one is looking, enjoyment is the only emotion readable.

"Your turn, Tris." Tobias says, when Christina has finished her batch. I nod, thinking over his demonstration. I had practised the movement of throwing as Christina went, and I'm feeling pretty confident it will hit somewhere on the board- maybe not stick- but that will come in time I'm sure. I try out the movement a few more times, focusing on the centre circle, then let the knife go. It hits the target fast, bouncing off the circle just outside the bullseye.

"Is this really your first time throwing knives?" Tobias asks, looking at the target.

"Hmmm." I hum, going to throw another. This time, I want it to stick. "You know we aren't allowed to participate in any faction activities before The Choosing." I go on, then throw the knife. The more momentum that I put behind it messes with my aim. It hits the uncoloured board outside of the target. I don't dwell, I just throw another.

When we're finished with the training room, I have hit the centre 3 times. I'm proud of myself, glad I'm not completely rubbish at everything Dauntless. Time passes quickly, and before I know it, it's time for us to get back to the Palace. The Dauntless lot decide to stay in the compound for the night, too tired to make the journey back with Tobias, Christina and I. We say we'll see them in the morning, then head back.