Stupid Lisa Garbage Face! Lisa receives an embarrassing caricature at a fayre so Homer has decide between riding on the Duff blimp or helping out Lisa. He decides he can do both by enrolling her in a beauty contest.
Plot
The Simpsons are at a school fayre.
Skinner had named the state fayre The Happiest place on Earth. Getting himself in trouble with the blue haired lawyer.
"Principal Skinner. Disney owns the right to the phrase Happiest Place on Earth!" said blue haired lawyer.
"It's just a school fayre." said Skinner.
"And it's heading for a big lawsuit!" said Blue haired lawyer. "You just made a big mistake!"
"And so did you. You made an ex green beret mad..." said Skinner dangerously mad with cold fury. He beats up the blue haired lawyer with martial arts and his henchmen. As one fled Skinner threw a briefcase at him. It clonked him on the head knocking him out.
"Copyright expired." said Skinner in a serious tone dusting off his hands.
"Cooooool!" said Oscar thinking Skinner beating up the Blue haired lawyer was cool.
Then Oscar passed the water pistols game where you shoot water into the clown's mouth to inflate the balloons. Nelson and Martin were playing the carnival game when Nelson decided to squirt water at Martin. "You look thirsty dork!" And force water into his mouth by squirting his water pistol into his mouth. Martin glubbered and blubbered.
"Haw Haw!" Nelson laughed as he bullied Martin.
Bart was holding a three card Monty game. "Step right up! Come on people! Pick the red card you win another turn, pick a black card, you lose."
"Simpsooooon! I said no unlicensed gambling at my school fayre!" Skinner scolded him.
"Uh oh! I'm outta here!" said Bart throwing a smoke bomb and vanishing when the smoke clears. Coooool!
Then Willie was trying to sell haggis. Sheep offal in a sheep's stomach. But no one wants any.
"Ach! Ya wee pansies! Oooooh it's stomach! Well ladeda! I've seen the crap you Americans eat!" said Willie.
Then Adam West was having his weight guessed by a psychic. "13 stone seven." said the psychic.
"No. I am ninety percent helium..." said Adam West as the machine said he weighed nothing. He grabbed a teddy bear from the prizes and floated away.
Bart then went to see Otto who was operating a ride that had rockets that went around and around really fast.
"Can't you make it go any faster Otto?" Bart asked.
"Sure!" said Otto. The ride began zipping round really fast and the kids on the ride screamed in fear. Suddenly a rocket shaped car of the ride broke off and flew into the school blowing up.
"Cooooool!" said Bart.
"Uh oh! I am in so much trouble! I'm outta here!" said Otto. He was chased by an angry mob of angry parents.
Milhouse sees Jimbo's Scarehouse. In Willie's hut.
"Oooooh! A scare house!" said Milhouse dressed as a confederate soldier for some reason. He went inside. The hut was dark and a scare chord plays as Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney appear.
"Hand over all your money dork!" said Jimbo.
Milhouse leaves the scare house clearly roughed up.
"A scare house! Is it spooky in there?" Bart asked licking an ice cream.
"Uh huh." said Milhouse.
"Coooooool!" said Bart. He went inside. "Uh oh!"
Punching sounds.
"Mmmmm... lemon ice cream..." said Jimbo.
At a ball tossing game Chris Griffin wins a prize for knocking over all the bottles.
"Congratulations son! You win a genuine, live homosexual!" said the carny putting a cartoonishly gay man in his arms.
"Ooooooooh! Where are we going?" asked the flaming gay man, he hushes Chris with a finger to his lips. "Wait, don't tell me!"
"Oh boy! Mom can I keep him?" Chris asks.
"Well Chris. A pet is a big responsibility! You'll have to clean up after him and feed him..." said Lois.
"What do you eat?" Chris asked the cartoon gay man.
"Attention." said the cartoon gay man.
"I like your hair." said Chris.
"Still hungry." said the cartoon gay.
"You have a wonderful speaking voice!" said Chris.
"I'm full!" said the cartoon gay man.
Oscar grimaced at this scene.
A carny was running a freak show or something.
"Step right up! Step right up!" said the carny. "You won't believe your eyes!" He has a small crowd gathering. "Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam!"
Yes a half man, half clam...
One of the stalls is an artist doing caricatures. Lisa pays to have one. However she's horrified by the result, especially when her friends laugh at it. She runs off crying. The drawing is Lisa with a big head with a love crazed obsession chasing after tiny boys.
Bart then sees the caricature. "Coool! I'll buy it!" Bart pays the artist for Lisa's caricature.
"Bart, why do you need that?" Oscar asks.
"To torment my sister." Bart explains. Taking the picture of a crazy Lisa chasing after tiny boys.
Meanwhile Homer takes part in a raffle for tickets to go on the Duff blimp. Homer's rude, bodybuilder neighbor gets second prize, a shoe buffer. However Homer wins and laughs at him.
The bodybuilding neighbour seethed.
Marge was comforting Lisa who was upset about her appearance this episode.
...
At home Lisa is crying in her room. When Marge and Homer see to her she has her face in her pillow. Most likely crying but she has her face in her pillow throughout the following conversation. She looks hilarious!
"Homer, we have to do something!" Marge explained.
"Ok..." Homer sighed. He drank a beer.
"That's not what I meant..." said Marge.
"I'm not really in this adventure that much." said Bart.
"Bart I want you to be nice to your sister and help her self esteem." said Marge.
Bart groaned.
Homer looked out the window. The tough, rude bodybuilding guy who moved into Ned's house was buffing his shoes.
"Oh it's no fair, we'll never have a buffer!" Homer whined.
"We have one at home, you never use it." said Marge.
"Well, I want that one!" Homer whined.
Oscar was suddenly sat in Bart's wheelchair from when he fell into Springfield Gorge. "I want that one!" He was doing Andy Pipkin impressions.
"Oz I don't know what that is an impression of... now get out of my wheelchair!" said Bart.
Marge sighed.
Lisa sobbed into her pillow.
She then later went to the kitchen and looked at herself in a spoon. "Oh god I'm ugly..." she sobbed.
"Hmmmmmm! Sweetie a spoon is a lot like a funhouse mirror, it's just distorted. You look beautiful." said Marge.
"There is no spoon..." said Oscar dressed up as Neo from the Matrix.
Marge sighed. "Whatever that is, it doesn't exist yet Oz..." said Marge.
"Okay I'll stick to existing memes... YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" Oscar quotes Charlton Heston.
Bart dragged him out of the kitchen.
"Leggo of my Eggo!" Oscar yelled wriggling to get free.
Homer came in.
Lisa sobbed and handed him the caricature.
"Oh, Lisa, this isn't real. It's just how you might look If you were a cartoon character." said Homer.
"We are cartoon characters. We're bright yellow and have only three fingers and a thumb. Humans don't really look like that..." said Oscar.
Their heads exploded from realisation.
"You have got to stop doing that..." said Teddy, his living teddy bear.
Eventually everyone recovered from this fourth wall breaking.
Hugo escaped the attic again.
"What is the point of corn..." He furiously threw his corn cob on the floor.
"You just insulted the state of Nebraska! Go to your attic!" Homer yelled.
"I would like to just be left alone..." said Lisa.
"I feel the same way when Sam I Am tries to offer me Green Eggs and Ham." said Oscar.
Bart grimaced.
"Also I got a job at Goldburgers, a fast food chain on Fast Food Boulevard." said Oscar.
At Goldburgers, or Goldbergers. Mmmmmmmm Whoopi...
"Do you expect me to talk Mr Goldberg?" Oscar asked.
"No! I expect you to fry!" said the boss. "So get frying those fries and flipping those burgers."
Back at the Simpsons house Bart was irked. "Okay..."
He went out.
"Merlin! Ehehehe hehehe!" said a familiar old man chuckling. Bart gasped.
The man was revealed to be... Dr Demento!
"Alright, everybody, only good vibes here." said Dr Demento.
Bart screamed. "Aaaaaagh! Dr Demento!"
Dr Demento laughed. "Ehehehe hehehehe!"
Oscar joined the fight to protect Bart, by being insufferably cute with his sappy cute monsters.
"Meet my fluffy friends!" said Oscar summoning Teddy, Clownja, Dino etc.
Bart groaned embarrassed.
"Watch out! These toys play rough!" said Oscar.
Bart groaned.
Teddy attacker with Skull Bash. Ie a flying headbutt.
"Oof!" said Dr Demento having the stuffing knocked outta him. Mmmmmmm! Stuffing...
Dr Demento launched fire from a flamethrower accordion at him.
"Missed me!" Oscar dodged the flames.
"Why have you cursed me with button eyes?! Whyyyyyyy?!" A toy or monster belonging to Oscar with button eyes cried.
"Careful! Button eyes are a choking hazard! Gahahahaha!" Oscar laughed.
Bart sighed.
"Let's have the bestest battle ever!" said Teddy the living teddy bear creature.
"Uh Ted... Bestest isn't a word. Even I know that, and I'm only four years old..." said Oscar.
Teddy sighed.
...
At Moe's Homer sees an advert for a psychiatrist who's speciality is making people feel better. However the try fee is steep. Homer groans as it will mean he'll have to choose between it and going on the Duff blimp.
He sighed and felt like going home.
"Hey whatever happened to that Dr Marvin Monroe guy...?" Moe asked.
"I think he's dead." Lenny replied.
"Moe, have you ever felt self conscious about your appearance?" asked Homer.
"No." said Moe.
"You will... in a future episode." said Oscar looking at the script for the episode Pygmalion."
"Stop with the spoilers!" Homer yelled.
Oscar sighed and drank his Buzz Cola.
"What about you Barney? You ever felt self conscious?" Homer asked Barney.
"Nah..." He belched.
Oscar grimaced because he saw Barney had had the back of his hair shaved off and wires dangling out of the back of his head. Ie he has been the subject of a mad science experiment or something!
Kwik e Mart. Apu is mopping the floor.
"Enjoy your current incarnation!" said Ganesh the elephant headed god.
"Yes Lord Ganesh! Thank you!" said Apu.
Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon arrived. Apu's brother.
"Sanjay!" The Indian men hugged.
"Apu!"
"Excuse me... you are wasting my time... I'd like a newspaper..." said Moleman.
Apu got back to work. Sanjay um helped. Also the show is inconsistent over whether they're brothers or not.
Plot 2
At home one afternoon, Homer is in the kitchen playing with a pickle and singing about the Duff blimp.
Marge comes in to ask if he's found a solution to Lisa's upset.
"Yes but it's expensive..." Homer sighs.
"Homer... Don't sit around in your underwear all day..." Marge groaned.
"Anyway what else is new?" Homer asked.
"Dr Demento is bothering me again..." said Bart.
Dr Demento was hurling plums at him. "You plum darn gone done it now sonny!"
Bart sighed as plums bounced off of his head.
"And Bart won't let me help get of his archenemy by being cute!" said Oscar with his cute monsters.
"Oz for once I'd rather you call upon your dark side to sort out things!" Bart groaned.
Oscar became Dark Oscar. "As you wish... jerk." He said in a menacing tone.
Bart grimaced worried.
"No evil! And Bart be supportive of Oscar's hobbies!" said Marge.
Oscar was chuckling pervertedly while letting Teddy the living teddy bear creature sniff his crotch with his big wet shiny black nose.
"Except maybe that hobby..." Marge said grossed out.
"Anyway maybe a bake sale might cheer Lisa up." said Marge.
However Lisa only would go with them with her pink hoodie up and drawn tight to hid her face.
"Just feed me the occasional carrot stick and bacon rashers." Lisa sobbed.
Marge sighed.
Then Homer and Bart wanted cupcakes.
"Can we have cupcakes?"
"In a moment! Lisa is very-"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!" Homer and Bart threw a tantrum.
"Okay! Okay! You can have some cupcakes!" Marge yelled.
However another night at Moe's Homer gets an idea, enter Lisa into a beauty contest! It's free too!
...
Homer tells everyone the good news. However Lisa is even more upset as it goes against her liberal feminist agenda.
"Homer..." Marge groans.
"What? I want the whole world to see how pretty my little princess is!" Homer replies.
Marge is touched. "Oh Homie!" she kisses him. "I can't stay mad at you! You say such sweet things!"
"Mom!" Lisa groans.
"Lisa be more grateful!" Marge tells her. Lisa mutters under her breath.
"Ooooooh! A beauty contest! Have you seen the girls at those things?!" Bart makes Tex Avery Wolf sounds and aroused noises. "Hubba Hubba!" He then smacks himself with his shoe and pours his glass of water over himself to cool down.
"Quiet boy!" Homer tells him to be quiet. "No one is prettier than my little girl!"
"Oh Homie, you're seeing her through her father's eyes." said Marge touched.
"Hey if I could gouge out my own eyes and stick someone else's in I would! But to me she's beautiful!" said Homer.
"Ooooooh Homie!" Marge is tearfully proud of his kindness and hugs him.
Lisa sighed and went out the front. McGee from McGee and Me was at Ned's former house pleading with the rude bodybuilding neighbour to consider the teachings of the lord Jesus.
"Pleeeeeeaaase! For your immortal soul!" McGee cried.
The rude neighbour slammed his door shut.
Lisa waved at McGee.
"Hey Lis, what's up?" McGee asked.
"I am feeling like people think I'm ugly. My dad tried to help but he's submitted me to a beauty pageant! It goes against my feminist beliefs! Women are not sex objects!" said Lisa.
"Beauty pageants are the work of the devil! Pride and vanity are a sin!" McGee said harshly.
"Uh I'm against them because girl power!" said Lisa.
McGee sighed.
...
Bart sees Lisa getting ready while whining about how she doesn't want to go to the beauty contest.
"It goes against everything I believe in about women's rights and equality!" Lisa whines.
However she went. The contestants were some girls at school including the twins Sherri and Terri. However there was a girl Lisa has never met before. She's the reigning champion. Janey explains the girl's secret is her extremely long eyelashes. The girl flutters her eyelashes.
Oscar is eating at the buffet like Ace Ventura. Picking up a leaf with berries on it and tossing them into his mouth one by one.
"They consider it an insult and a curse!" said Simon Callow.
"Flblblblwoot?ehgflblblbltwee!" Oscar turned round holding two passion fruit halves he had eaten the pulp from on his eyes, two red berries up his nose and green beans in his mouth. He was pretending to be some sort of Tiki God. Or a demon. He shot the berry out of his nose at Simon Callow.
Simon Callow was appalled by his table manners.
"Do I have something in my teeth?" Oscar asked with green beans dangling from his mouth.
Then he saw Lisa talking to a girl wearing a ferret round her neck as a scarf. The girl was talking about the reigning champion with the false eyelashes.
Oscar was incensed by this animal cruelty at wearing dead animals. He went over to them.
"Oh no..." Lisa sighed.
"That is a lovely ferret you are wearing. Perhaps I can get you some fluffy slippers made from the heads of defenceless baby seals?!" Oscar ranted. "And you must be, the monopoly guy!"
"Who is this ghastly boy?!" said the girl's posh father who looks like the monopoly guy.
"Oscar Ventura Tamaki. Beast tamer and animal rights spokesman." said Oscar constantly changing his middle name. Last week it was Diggs.
"An activist Daddy..." said the posh girl wearing a dead ferret.
"Mmmmhmhmhmh! Activist!" said the monopoly guy laughing a posh derisive laugh. Showing his distain for Oscar's animal welfare.
"Activist! Mhmhmhmhmm!" Oscar mimicked him rudely.
"Master Tamaki... there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature! You must try it! It's rather liberating..." said the posh girl wearing a dead ferret.
"Alrighty then!" said Oscar. He clobbered her dad with one punch and wore him across his neck like a dead animal and pranced about making a scene. Lisa was mortified. Especially when Oscar was doing catwalk music noises and slapping the guy's butt. Everyone gasped at his behaviour.
He then worked the guy like a puppet. "Do not pass go! Do not collect two hundred dollars!"
Oscar then dumped the guy by Lisa and the posh girl. "I think I made my point..." said Oscar smugly.
...
Later Bart and Oscar are taking the mick out of Lisa at the beauty contest. Bart is wearing Marge's shoes while pretending to walk down the catwalk. Then they start listing names to call her.
"Loudmouth Lisa!"
"Stupid Lisa Garbage face!"
"Ha! That's a good one!" Oscar said while laughing.
"Yes it is..." Bart says deviously while rubbing his hands.
Homer goes on his day out on the Duff blimp. Duffman and the Owner of Duff are there to greet him.
"Oh yeah!" Duffman cheers as he greets Homer.
"Can I drink on this ride?" Homer goes to take one of the duff beers.
"Uh no. That's one of the catches, you're not allowed to drink while driving the blimp." The owner of Duff explained.
"D'oooooh!" Homer groaned. He drove the Duff blimp sober and annoyed as everyone was drinking.
However Duffman and the duff owner had too much to drink and fell asleep.
"Duffman, has had too much to drink! Duffman, will have a sore head tomorrow!" Duffman said before collapsing in a drunken stupor. This gave Homer an idea. While everyone was sleeping off their drunkness, Homer drank and drank while flying the blimp. However he couldn't fly straight and alerted the sky police. (Wiggum in a helicopter.)
"Homer... You're way over the limit to be driving that thing! And yes the drink and drive limit includes commandeering flying vehicles as well as cars..." Wiggum ordered him to land.
Homer crashed the Blimp into a sports arena. Duffman and the Duff owner woke up to see Homer being breathalysed and arrested for flying a blimp while drunk.
"And where were you two when Homer was driving three sheets to the wind?" Wiggum asked.
Duffman and the Duff owner were speechless.
Marge sighed disappointed to hear Homer was stewing in the drunk tank.
Lisa sighed still miserable over her appearance.
"Oh great he creates cyclone monkeys again..." Marge sighed.
Oscar created cyclone monkeys. Whatever they were.
...
At home Marge was drinking wine during the day! And dreaming about a golfer she had a crush on. Lisa came in upset about the girl with false eyelashes.
"Mom! I don't stand a chance against her!" Lisa whined.
"Lisa you are very pretty just as you are. And hopefully the judges will see that and not the false appearance of this little girl, who probably dolls herself up because of her low self esteem." said Marge.
"And later I'll teach you the fine art of walking in high heels. Taping your swimsuit to your butt, putting petroleum gel on your teeth for that extra shine and the fine art of padding... prrrrrr!" Bart purred pervertedly.
Marge and Lisa just stared at him.
"Anyway thanks for the pep talk. But this beauty pageant goes against every feminist bone in my body!" said Lisa.
"Then ignore every feminist bone in your body..." Oscar frowned.
"Lisa were you listening to your father pour his heart out?" Marge sighed.
"Yes. And Oz he was supposed to sacrifice his blimp trip..." said Lisa.
"Yeah but that's mean..." said Oz.
"Okay Mom. I'll do it!" said Lisa.
Marge took Lisa out for a makeover at Turn your head and coif. For some reason after putting on a facial and cucumber slices on her eyes, Lisa was required to hang upside down by her legs from a climbing frame and the Salon worker had a welding torch!
"Uh... why am I upside down... and why do you have a welding torch...?" Lisa asked.
She was given silly makeovers. Including Princess Leia Cinnamon rolls.
"Dun dun dun! Duh dun! Duh dun dun!" Oscar sung the imperial death march from Star Wars.
"Oscar not funny..." said Princess Leia Lisa.
When they got home with Lisa's hair back to its usual starfish look but restyled as a sum Homer and Bart would be surprised.
"Bart, Oscar, Homer. Prepare for shock and awe." said Marge. "The plain, drab Lisa you knew before. Is Dead."
Oscar screamed. "Aaaaaaaagh! BART! She murdered her!"
Bart smacked him across the head for being an idiot. "It's a figure of speech! Dummy!"
Marge revealed Lisa with her new makeover.
"Oh my god! Is that Lisa! I think it is!" said Homer.
Bart was strangely supportive and kind. "Woooow! You'll knock em dead Lisa."
"Well that's lovely guys!" Marge praised them for being nice.
"Thanks guys." said Lisa hugging them.
"You're cute as a bug's ear." said Homer being kind to Lisa.
"Um we don't have ears! We have antennae!" said a cartoon talking bug.
"I was trying to make her feel better! Jack ass!" Homer yelled at the giant talking bug.
Bart winced exasperated.
"Thanks Dad. But fathers have to say that stuff." said Lisa.
"Dad, am I as cute as a bug's ear?" Homer asked Abe.
"No you're as homely as a mule's butt!" Abe said rudely.
"There, See?" said Homer.
"Grampa! Don't be so mean!" Lisa told off Grampa.
"Yeah! What did Dad ever do to you?!" Bart frowned.
"He put me in a run down home and barely ever visits!" said Grampa.
"Okay you two have some serious issues..." Oscar frowned at Homer and Abe.
Plot 3
Then Lunch Lady Doris voiced an ice cream parlour lady for some reason. Bart got another tiny ice cream sundae like on his birthday (Until Oscar had the owner beaten up.) so he wooed and charmed her.
"Hey, brush-head, you've been nursing that thing for an hour." said the lady running the ice cream parlour.
"How does someone who works all day in an ice cream parlour keel such a trim figure..." said Bart.
The lady smiled.
"I have sorely misjudged you." She gave him a big ice cream sundae with bananas sticking out.
"Oh boy!" said Bart. He ate the ice cream sundae.
Oscar grimaced at his gluttony as he licked his popsicle.
Lisa was dancing ballet with all the girls when she was told off by an angry gay ballet teacher.
"I said step, step pause! Not step, step, trip over! Oooooooh! Shudder!" He yelled.
Then Homer, Bart and Oscar were provoking Flanders' empty house. For the sake of this gag he has gone back to collect some things.
"I just need to see if we left Rod's medicine behind." Ned asked the new owner of the house.
"Sure whatever. Pencil necked geek..."
They, Homer, Bart and Oscar, were provoking him, that's Ned, by wearing hula leaf skirts and flower garlands while rain dancing.
Homer slaps Bart's head. "No you idiot! It's step, step, pause! Are you trying to piss off the volcano god?!"
Then when Lisa got home. Bart had a banana as a microphone and was teaching Lisa to walk in high heels. She failed epically and fell flat on her face.
"Lisa it's easy, turn, point, turn, point... hey! I'm getting the hang of these! And prrrrr! I rather like them!" Bart was wearing the high heeled shoes and feeling rather fruity.
Oscar screamed. Freaked out by Bart being queer.
Bart winced.
Then there was a B story.
"I thought that was Dad riding a Blimp drunk..." said Lisa.
Oscar was at kindergarten/preschool. Technically he's supposed to be four. It was just difficult writing for him.
Oscar was sat on the carpet with Miko Hughes and other kids.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was the guest teacher today.
"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" He yelled. At tiny little preschoolers!
"Mr Schwarzenegger!" The matron of the preschool said cross with him.
Arnold was in deep trouble for yelling at the kids. The mums were picking up their kids.
Marge picked up Oscar. He had to wait while she was talking to the preschool matron.
Arnold was angry with an abusive father.
"You hit the kid and I'll hit you."
Oscar winced as Arnold was beating up the abusive dad.
At home.
As soon as Oscar came in he screamed "Leprechaun!"
Bart winced. "Mooooom!"
"Bart he's just got in." said Marge.
"Doesn't he have any friends yet?" Bart sighed.
"Preschoolers can't go out on their own, Jurkle's grounded and Ace is nocturnal." said Oscar.
"Well you can't introduce him to Rod and Todd because they moved out of town because Dad bankrupted Ned." said Lisa.
Oscar sighed.
...
It was the night of the competition.
The Simpsons parked across two parking spaces.
"And done. Let's go and show the town how pretty my little princess is." Homer smiled.
Marge sighed proud of him.
First up Krusty announced it as he is the host.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! It's the first Little Miss Springfield Pageant! Hoo ahahaha!" Krusty laughed. "Then I'm never doing this again... ugh... what was I thinking..."
"Did he say, "Little Miss"? This is not the pageant I wanted!" Said Mayor Quimby annoyed it was a beauty contest for little girls.
"No. but this is the beauty pageant I wanted! (Perverted chuckle)" said Gary Glitter.
Then the girls each performed. Lisa's was oddly rebellious as she pretended her performance was ballet before taking off her tutu and dancing to loud unruly music.
"Lisa!" Marge gasped at Lisa's rebellious performance.
"I didn't know she had it in her..." Homer remarked.
Then Mandy from Grim adventures was there because Mindy was bullying her.
"Mandy, Mandy. Maaaaandyyyyy... Putting diamonds on you is like putting diamonds on dog doo doo." said Mindy.
"Maybe you should eat make up so you can try and be pretty on the inside. Bitch!" Oscar snapped at her.
Mindy flinched. Offended by him swearing.
I imagine ferret girl is like that too but she hardly had any lines! I had to give her some and make her a minor antagonist!
Lisa went back stage and talked with the other girls who were competing.
"Did you see Tina Epstein?" said a girl. Probably Ferret killer girl.
"No, but I saw Jeffrey Epstein. He tried to pull down my shorts and molest me!" Oscar screamed.
Lisa winced. "Oz... Girl conversation..."
"Whoa! If you're gonna binge, you'd better purge." said Sherri or Terri.
"No that's stupid..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed exasperated in him bothering the girls.
"So you like Fat girls..." Sherri acknowledged him.
"Uh-oh. Amber Dempsey. In the same week... she was Pork Princess and Little Miss Kosher." said a girl as a girl called Amber walked by.
"How?!" Jurkle, Oscar's Jewish friend yelled.
Lisa winced.
"She's beautiful." said Lisa trying to ignore Oscar and Jurkle.
"Wait. She's about to bring out the big guns." said a girl.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
But Amber was the false eyelash girl. Her Big Guns were her false eyelashes...
"Eyelash implants. I thought those were illegal." said Lisa. WTF?!
"Not in Paraguay." said Ferret girl.
"Why would they be illegal everywhere except Paraguay!?" Oscar yelled.
"Oz! Go away! This a girl's conversation!" Lisa yelled.
Oscar blew a raspberry sound while sticking his tongue out at Lisa and left.
...
Homer ate the petroleum jelly.
(Homer eating petroleum jelly)
"Eeeeeeeeew!" Bart groaned.
Sanjay's daughter performed.
"I am Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon, and tonight I'll be playing "MacArthur Park" on the tabla." said Pahu something something.
Audience laughs.
"No, I am serious!" said Pahu.
Her father, Sanjay, and her uncle, Apu are in the audience. They stand and applaud loudly.
"Yes! Judges, there's your queen!" said Apu.
"Who's watching the Kwik-E-Mart?" Marge asked.
"Uh oh!" Apu realised.
We cut to the Kwik e Mart. Jimbo, Dolph and Kearney are stealing the Squishee machine.
Then Mandy smiled and destroyed the universe.
"You fools! You've destroyed the NATURAL ORDEERRRRRRR!" The screaming raven uh screamed.
Bart grimaced as the universe sort of collapsed in on itself because Mandy smiled.
"Cooooooool!" Oscar thought the universe collapsing was cool.
Shockwaves flashed across the auditorium.
"So beautiful!" Goodvibes cried then he went blind from the sheer power of Mandy's smile.
"Okay can you stop going on about that cartoon Oz that never happened..." Lisa sighed.
"Awwwww! I want the universe to collapse in on itself..." Oscar whined.
However the girl with the eyelashes won. Lisa got runner up.
...
Lisa was in a much better mood and thanked Dad for his generous gift. However she was hoping to win the competition.
They watched the news. Unfortunately Arnie Pye screwed up and put on instead of footage of Dempsey's homecoming. He uploaded footage of a baby goat being bottle fed.
"D'awwwwwwwwwww!" Oscar cooed thinking the video was cute.
"It maybe cute but I don't think that was the right video." said Marge.
Bart grimaced.
"You idiot! That was the wrong video!" Kent yelled over footage of the cute baby goat.
However as luck would have it, the winner was struck by lightning while receiving her sceptre and was recovering in hospital. Since Lisa was second place, the title of beauty queen went to her by default.
Lisa went to receive her sceptre from Krusty, but he kept teasing her.
"Here you go. Just kidding! Here you go. Just kidding! Here you go. Just kidding!"
Eventually God was so pissed off he struck Krusty with lightning. "I deserved that..." Krusty groaned badly singed and black with soot.
Oscar laughed evilly.
Lisa winced.
People applauded Lisa.
Elsewhere at Lovejoy's marriage guidance thing.
"Queen of the harpies! Queen of the harpies!" Johnathan yelled at Gloria.
"How about Queen of the banshees? The goddess Cliodhna?" Oscar asked.
The unhappy couples and Lovejoy were exasperated.
"Neddy I love you but I don't like how you cut the crust off of sandwiches." said Maude.
Ned sighed.
...
Lisa got to meet Bob Hope. Who looks like Trader Slick from Jumanji with a golf club. Then she met the president, but everyone was mad at the president for some reason and a riot broke out as the angry people tried to storm the stage. Lisa, Bob Hope and the president got on a helicopter with his bodyguards to fly to safety.
"Hello Lisa." said Jimmy Carter. Oh it's because Jimmy Carter was there!
"It's history's greatest monster! Get him!" A man yelled. I didn't know Jimmy Carter was as evil as Hitler...
Then Lisa was invited to a car museum. She bought her family. Homer saw the batmobile. He gasped. Then he saw Adam West. "Oh my god! Adam West! Look kids Batman!"
"Dad that's not Batman!" said Lisa.
"Of course I'm Batman! Here's me with Robin!" said Adam West.
"Who's Robin?" Bart asked.
Adam screwed up the picture. "Oh I suppose you're only familiar with the new Batman movies. Michelle Pfeiffer? Ha! The only true Catwoman is Julie Newmar, Lee Maryweather or Eartha Kitt. And I didn't need molded plastic to improve my physique! (He taps his chest) pure West! And how comes Batman doesn't dance anymore?! Remember the Batusi?" said Adam West. He started doing the Batusi dance.
Homer and the kids were horrified. "Nice to meet you Mr West. Don't make eye contact." They ran away because they were freaked out by him.
Then Lisa got a wax statue made of her in the wax museum.
"That doesn't look like her body." said Marge as they Put a wax copy of Lisa's head on some other mannequin body.
"The torso used to be Dr. Ruth. Her head is on a pike in the Chamber of Horrors." said a guy.
Cut to Dr Ruth's head on a pike in the chamber of Horrors.
(Wolf Howling)
"Coooooool!" said Oscar laughing maniacally.
Plot 4
Lisa then got lovely comments from everyone at school as being the new Little Miss Springfield because Amber got zapped.
"Hi, fellas." said Lisa waving.
"Love that "chewing gum" walk." said Ralph's friend with the orange shirt and glasses. "Very Wrigley."
Oscar spat out his mouthful of sandwich and cracked up laughing.
Ace the vampire boy laughed too. "Ha! That's a good one!"
"No it wasn't..." Bart groaned.
Ace rolled his eyes.
During the sports game Lisa riled the nerds into taking over.
"Before I sing the national anthem... I'd like to say that college football... diverts funds badly needed for education and the arts."
"Is that true?" asked a nerd.
"Let's get 'em!" said another.
The nerds rioted and kicked everyone's ass.
We cut to school common room. The nerds having took over made everyone play Dungeons and Dragons. Aaaaaaaagh!
Bart mortified sat bored with Martin, Database and a black nerd playing a session of Dungeons and Dragons.
"What's a D20?" Oscar asked.
Bart hit his head upon the table in frustration repeatedly.
At lunch.
Willie had taken over the cafeteria and was trying to serve Haggis...
"Get your haggis right here! Chopped heart and lungs... boiled in a wee sheep's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds! Good for what ails ya!"
Peter Puppy screamed in terror.
"Fuzz buddy it's not that bad!" Earthworm Jim ran after him.
Oscar winced.
...
Home.
At dinner time Marge was cooking.
"Let's see. I'll do my famous pork chops and mash and greens. And for dessert, a chocolate ganache."
"Oooooooh!" said a Homer hungry.
"It's chocolate Ganesh!" Oscar yelled in madness as he was being stupid again.
Marge sighed.
So instead Homer spit roasted a brisket.
"Oh that briskets not sitting right." He sighed adjusting it.
Then the Homer clones guy wanted weird Homer clones again.
Meanwhile the kids watched Tina Turner's wardrobe malfunction when she performed with Mick Jagger. Mick in this scene was illustrated in an exaggerated manner with enormous lips.
Tina sang Proud Mary.
Then she had her wardrobe malfunction.
"Ay carumba!" said Bart.
Oscar had an aroused nose bleed.
Dinner was served. Brisket.
The Simpsons ate noisily.
"Oh Meera! I'm melting! I'm meltiiiiiiiing!" A chocolate Ganesh cried.
"Oscar it's called a ganache..." Marge sighed.
"Ganesh..." Oscar rasped obsessed.
Marge sighed.
...
Lisa was then asked to ride on the lamerie cigarettes blimp but didn't want to support cigarettes. However with some pressure from her family, and Bart teasing her with her caricature, she agreed.
She got to meet the cigarette mascot. Joe Camel (In his Futurama incarnation).
"Omg! They turned Tristan Taylor from Yugioh into a camel person!" Oscar yelled before running off in a mad frenzy and laughing madly.
Lisa just grimaced at his behaviour. (Seriously watch the buggalo episode, he looks like a camel Tristan Taylor!)
However while riding the blimp Lisa sees Maggie smoking a cigarette. Probably the cigarette fumes screwing up Lisa's brain.
"Stop!" Lisa made the carnival blimps/floats stop suddenly. Causing Camel Joe to get run over. "I can't support the sale of cigarettes to minors!"
Everyone gasped in horror and formed an angry mob. The mob started beating up Camel joe and the rest of Lamarie cigarettes incorporated.
"Lisa, I'm so proud of you!" Marge hugged her. "The nerve of that awful company!"
"It's ok." Lisa replied. "And Maggie, no more cigarettes for you!" Lisa told Maggie in a gentle teasing manner.
Maggie threw the cigarette away and put her pacifier back in her mouth and sucked it contently
"Well, I'm glad this episode had a moral ending unlike that Family Guy episode that addressed the same thing but decided, "Oh, we're a season one episode, Peter still needs to be a good father." I hate those hypocritical episodes! He's a bad father! Run with it!" Oscar ranted as the credits closed.
"Hey the episode isn't over yet!" Oscar yelled.
...
Homer went on the Duff Blimp again. Um they welcomed him back despite him riding it drunk and getting Baron Duff in trouble.
However the Blimp had a Hindenburg moment and blew up.
"Nooooooooooo!" Marge screamed.
Lisa was outside the Simpsons house doing a book signing or swearing an oath upon the bible. Marge was there mourning while dressed as Jaqueline Kennedy after her husband was assassinated. Also Ms Kennedy's maiden name is Bouvier. Oh my god she's Marge's Mom! It all makes sense!
"No it doesn't! And Dad's not dead..." said Lisa frustrated.