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chapter thirteen.
Her shoes were caked in mud and Emilia grimaced at the sight of her shoes being covered in dirt, trying to scrape up a memory of any kind of Cleaning Spell that could wipe the muck off of her shoes. She tried wiping her shoe off the wet grass, shaking dew drops from the green strands as she lingered about, hands in her pockets and trying to not look as awkward as she felt what with standing all by herself while others were leaving the Quidditch pitch with their friends in tow, laughing and chatting with one another. Emilia watched them go, wondering what it would be like to be a part of them, then shaking the ridiculous thought from her head.
Emilia caught sight of one poor girl as she slipped on the grass, dirt caking her bare legs and she had burst into laughter at the same as her friends had, not even bothered with the fact that she was covered in mud and blades of grass all down the back of her legs and her lower arms.
Emilia remained where she was as the crowd began to trickle out and down, doubt over her decision to stay around increasing with each passing moment; she had thought that waiting for Sirius would be a better idea than having him hunt her down later that day and ask where she went off but as more time went by and Emilia could spot no sign of his mop of soft, dark curls, she wondered if she were just better off to just return to the castle.
She certainly felt silly for waiting for him and even more so now as more people were casting her glances as she waited and Emilia realised how weird she might look standing by herself with eyes downcast to her shoes, as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.
It wasn't cold per say, but Emilia wasn't exactly enjoying waiting as her feet began to feel numb and her palms still felt slick, clammy as a lingering reminder of when she had nearly been forced to witness Sirius fall from his broom at such a distance to the ground, an impact which would have ensured either his death or left him immobile, the image of which continued to tack itself to inside of Emilia's eyelids however desperately she wanted to disperse it from the front of her mind.
Even if she had proclaimed that she didn't like him, it didn't mean that she fancied the idea of seeing his skull cracked open and the yolk of his brain spilled out on the earth beneath.
The thought alone made Emilia suppress a shudder as a wave of nausea rolled over her, dragging her under and twisting her insides into an incomprehensible mess that left her worried over the possibility that the last thing she had eaten would make a surprise reappearance.
Emilia gave a shake of her head, ignoring the sweat on the back of her neck that she wasn't entirely sure was due to the fact she had her scarf wrapped tightly around her, the heavy material leading to a flush crawling up her neck; Sirius was fine and there was nothing wrong with him, she was fretting over nothing and her mind was all but a willing victim to let it be swept away by her endless paranoia and overthinking. Emilia gave another look around herself, seeing the very last few remaining spectators leaving before she decided she would look and feel silly if she waited any longer and began to make her trek up towards the castle, not wanting to look like a freak for loitering about by herself.
Emilia was careful to watch her steps, not wanting to end up like that girl who had to waddle back to the castle covered in mud and kept her head down, the cool Autumn sun doing little to warm her up and even feeling colder than it had that morning.
Emilia took a few more steps before she heard a shout, an echo that sounded too far away before it called out again, closer than last time and Emilia paused, turning around with a whirl to see Sirius trotting towards her, covered in sweat and dirt with his Quidditch robes looking a right mess and his hair was knotty from the wind running through it, practically cutting through him as he flew around. Even despite the fact he looked like a mess, he still managed to look more put together and handsome than any other boy in the school.
"Oi, Emilia!" he called out again, slowing his pace once he got close enough and she could see he had a smudge of dirt right under his right eye, like a bruise of some kind and his face was pink from the exertion of running to catch up with her. "Almost left without me, huh?"
Emilia didn't even entertain the thought of telling Sirius that, in actuality, she had been waiting for him, that she had intended to leave with him instead of walking back by herself but elected to give a shrug in absence of the truth, resuming her long walk to the castle again, Sirius falling in step beside her. "Maybe."
"Well, now that I'm here we can walk back together," he stated and sounding slightly out of breath as a result of his brief jog and the hours he spent practising Quidditch but it didn't seem to knock down his mood in any way. "Would hate for you to go missing trying to make your way back."
Emilia wondered how he always managed to appear so playful, so charming when he was practically exhausted.
She rolled her eyes at his words. "I do know how to get back to the castle by myself. I've lived here for seven years. I doubt someone is going to come out and snatch me up."
Emilia had experienced more dangerous journeys growing up compared to a leisurely stroll back to the castle; she recalled how her mother used to her make her pop down to the shop late at night, fiver in her small, stubby hand for her to pass off to the man behind the till to get her mother a packet of cigarettes. Her favourite had been Benson and Hedges, the gold cover made it a lot more fancy than it actually was; to this day, the smell of cigarette smoke made Emilia gag, worsened by the fact her aunt was also a chronic smoker.
Sirius gave a hum, as if agreeing with her words, mulling them over. "True, but who's to say that someone wasn't going to try and kidnap me?"
"I'm sure they'll want to return you soon enough once they realise their mistake." A ragged laugh left Sirius at her jab, the warmth of it making it suddenly feel like Spring in the fringes of the dying leaves.
"Or they could put me on sale as some pretty servant boy," he shuddered. "But I feel so much safer with you here, I'm sure you'll be able to protect me."
Emilia wasn't inclined to tell him she would be the first to throw him to the wolves if they really did try to come out and grab the two of them, though looking at him, she realised she barely had enough upper body strength to send him toppling backwards.
So much for saving her own skin in a made up scenario.
"What if I'm the one who's going to kidnap you, what then?" Emilia inwardly laughed at the image of her being the predictable villain, twirling her moustache between her fingers and Sirius as the helpless maiden.
He gave her a wink, a dip in the left side of his mouth, a dimple that was barely there that she had never really noticed before. "It wouldn't be kidnapping if I went willingly."
Emilia let out a rather unladylike sound that might have made her aunt blanch at the noise. "No thanks. Good luck getting back to the castle by yourself, try not to get taken."
She made the effort to quicken her pace before an indignant sound left Sirius. "You're going to leave me behind? In the dirt? What if I got lost? Or if I found myself in the Forbidden Forest and had to live off of the rats there because I didn't have your geographical expertise to guide me?" Sirius whined as if it were a very real possibility.
"I'm sure you'd find a way to survive," she told him with a sigh, though the thought of Sirius becoming the next wolf-boy sensation found running stark naked as the day he was born with the social skills of a wooden table was quite amusing.
"Your belief in me is heart-warming," Sirius sniffed, catching up and putting a hand to his heart, a genuine look on his face. "I'll need that for the next game."
The next game? Did that mean he expected Emilia to be out in full Gryffindor regalia on the stands? The thought of being squished in next to random people at such a height and watching the brutal game unfold did little to entice Emilia. "Not really interested. Sorry."
A splutter left Sirius as if Emilia had personally decided to piss on the graves of his ancestors, or had pulled the rug out from under him as he leant forward to make her look at his wide, shocked eyes. His face was grimy with sweat and dirt and there was a bruise snaking up his throat, gracing his neck in an array of blue, yellow and purple ringlets from where the other Beater had accidentally swung his bat at Sirius.
She was relieved that Bertie had not managed to break Sirius' neck and was glad to see he was not hindered in any shape or form from talking as he always did.
"Not interested? In Quidditch? What? You don't even want to support your own House?" The tone his voice took on showed how it seemed all so very foreign to him, mind unable to wrap itself around the possibility that Emilia could lack such Gryffindor spirit. She never really felt like a lion, still believing to this day the Sorting Hat had made a mistake and half thought about writing to Dumbledore about correcting such a blunder.
Emilia gave another lift of her shoulders, not sure how else she could respond. House pride was not something Emilia took very seriously as some did, often to the point they would refuse to speak to any other students who donned a different set of colours. "It's not something that I find interesting."
"Have you ever even been to a game before?" Sirius asked as his eyes narrowed at her words.
"Yeah, two or three times."
"Two or three times, she says," Sirius repeated with a roll of his grey, slate eyes, peering down at Emilia as if he couldn't grasp the notion of anyone not liking Quidditch. Emilia supposed it was the same for her that she couldn't understand how anyone could like such a brutal sport where one of the main objectives was to topple your opponent from their broom. "And you never enjoyed a single game?"
He sounded incredulous, doubting the words coming from his own mouth and Emilia gave a shrug. She was never really sport inclined anyways, she used to wear football jerseys of Manchester United and Liverpool during a time she couldn't even point to them on a map and would feel embarrassed whenever old men used to stop her and her mum to quiz Emilia about if she actually supported the team or not.
She had been a child, she couldn't even spell her own name half the time.
"Not really," was her reply.
"Really? Not once? Not even a little? Not even a teeny, tiny bit?" Sirius pushed, looking at her with those wound up, puppy dog eyes. It probably bothered him that she had no interest in his favourite sport, just like it would bother her if someone had told her her interest in reading was boring.
But part of her hadn't been entirely brain dead watching Sirius and other members of the team zoom around on their brooms. It had all looked terrifying, exciting, cool; had she been braver, she might have let herself wish to be one of those on a broom. And looking at his face, she felt bad if she doubled down on telling him that she certainly didn't enjoy it to the same extent as he did, knowing that his face would fall in disappointment if she did so. "Well... maybe a little. I just never had an interest in it watching for hours."
A huff left Sirius as he hit his fist against his flat, open palm. "Well, you'll have to now because there's been big changes."
"Like what?"
A wolfish grin appeared on his mouth like a slit, cutting and splitting to show his straight, white teeth as he jabbed a thumb to his chest. "Like the fact that they've got me on the team now."
"Is that supposed to entice me?" Emilia snorted, a half smile on her face. She hadn't watched him play long enough, or knew the game well enough, to be a judge of whether Sirius was a good player or not, though she imagined he might be more pushy with regards to making her attend if he were to find that out.
"You mean it doesn't?" he said, almost offended at the implication.
The half smile on Emilia's face cracked, spilling out into a full one. "No comment."
"I don't think the bludger hurt as much as that did because ouch," Sirius said and Emilia turned her face away so he wouldn't see how she was close to laughter.
"You'll survive," she told him. There was an ache in her legs and her hands were fisted in her pockets to fend off the cold. She had been so distracted by Sirius she hadn't realised how tired and cold and sore she was. He just had that natural effect on people, on her. Sometimes he made it impossible to think about little else.
"You're not going to try and make me feel better?" he all but whined, as if she had been the one to hit him in the back of the head with a bludger.
"And what do you suggest?" She already knew what he was going to say by the time the question left her lips.
"You could be my lucky charm for the game," he put forth, a look that might have been pleading with her warping his features lightly
"I could," she agreed, pausing for a moment as if on a precipice. "But will I, is the real question."
"But you have to come," Sirius griped, voice taking on the colour of a whine as if the prospect of Emilia not deciding to come and sit outside for God knows how many hours and watch him fly around was enough to break his heart. "What else are you going to do?"
"Stay inside and stay warm."
"The excitement will keep you warm, you'll be fine," he tried reassuring but Emilia pursed her lips at the prospect.
Maybe it hadn't been entirely too boring watching them play for a few hours, and she supposed it would be even less so if she watched a proper match; maybe she would go, since she really had nothing better for be doing considering she was already far ahead of her assignments already.
Plus, the fresh air would do her some good but Emilia very highly doubted that she would feel the same level of fervour over watching Quidditch that Sirius had, especially with regards to how she had nearly wet herself over the thought of being so many metres up in the sky on a broom let alone in the stands.
Her mind liked to mess with her like, make her worry about endless possibilities – what if the stands suddenly caved in and she fell to her death?
The chance of it happening was absolutely none but knowing Emilia's luck, it was still feasible.
"I'm not a fan of heights." It was an admission, not a refusal and it fell past her lips before she knew it. He hadn't even attempted to pull it from her, it had just... slipped out. It was a childish fear, like the monster in the corner of her room, the scraping of branches on her window suddenly became the bogeyman trying to get in. She felt all the more silly for having said it now.
Sirius gave a bark of laughter at Emilia's words and her eyes shot up to him to see he was looking at her as if was ridiculous. Maybe it was, she certainly felt it. "You're not the one flying around on a broom."
"You're right, at least I didn't nearly die," she shot back, only half joking as Sirius gave a wave of his hand, as if to brush off her concern. It wasn't Emilia's fault that the possibility of falling to her death held no appeal to her.
"I didn't 'nearly die', I was fine! Just a small enough accident, I wasn't hurt," he insisted, and Emilia wondered if it was nice to not be bogged down by endless 'what if's, to have his mind be nothing more than a bundle of paranoia of what could have happened, should have happened, would have happened had something else had been slightly off kilter.
It was enough to make Emilia's tummy do a tumble, trying to not remember just how much distance had been between Sirius and the ground when he had clung onto his broom for dear life as James Potter tried to rush to his side.
If Sirius had not managed to pull himself up in time, if James Potter wasn't fast enough, then, then - !
Emilia squeezed her eyes shut briefly, not wanting to let the thought play out in her mind.
"But…" Emilia trailed off, not being able to look at him as she turned her gaze downwards, eyes watching her steps and trying to ignore just how dry her mouth was becoming, trying to swallow but it was as if she was choking on hot cotton, hands curling into fists. Sirius didn't even seem perturbed by what he had constituted as a 'small enough accident' but it bothered Emilia for some reason, it bothered her a lot. Her voice dropped slightly, almost a whisper that might have gone unheard had the wind not carried the sound. "You could have, right?"
She could see him look at her from the side of her eyes, his face contorting into perplexity. "What, been hurt?"
"Yeah," she said, taking a great interest in her mud covered shoes and her breath left her in a rush, as if Sirius was personally pulling the air from her. "If you didn't grab on in time."
Sirius gave a pause, thinking about Emilia's question as he deliberated on the near case scenario that Emilia had built up in her head.
"I mean, I s'pose so. But nothing did end up happening so everything is alright," Sirius decided on after a brief moment of ruminating on Emilia's disguised trepidation, his brushing aside of the near possibility he could have become a crater in the ground doing little to ease her worries.
Though, she knew he was right – just because it nearly happened, didn't mean it actually did happen and she was fretting over nothing.
A sigh that sounded all too much like relief left Emilia, catching Sirius' attention as he peered at her from the side, eyes dancing across her features and stitching together the hidden concern that lingered there and a smile bloomed across his mouth, leaning closer so she was all but forced to look him in the eye as he stared at her with a teasing look.
"Why, are you worried about me? Afraid I might get hurt?" He looked far too smug with his words and he knew he was right, it was written all over his face and on hers too as she felt a warmth in her cheeks at being found out. God forbid Sirius might find out she actually liked him.
Emilia forced out a scoff, her eyes rolling themselves as she tried her best to ignore how close he was to her, legs conspicuously picking up their pace but Sirius' own managed to stay alongside her easily as they trekked their way up the dew slick grass, thin droplets clinging to the hem of her pants.
Beneath her scarf, Emilia could feel heat erupt in her cheeks and was thankful that they were partially hidden by the material lest she fall to be even more of a victim to his mocking. "No, obviously you're fine."
"Aw, you are worried! I can see it in your face!" Sirius exclaimed with glee and Emilia forced her lips into a straight line, nearly breaking the skin from the pressure. She hated the fact he could read her so easily.
She couldn't even try and push a denial in his statement because she knew it was clear on her face and it seemed to make that shit-eating grin on his mouth grow wider. "I'm glad to see that you're feeling up to making fun of me."
"I'm not making fun of you. Not in a mean way, at least," he refuted but the smirk didn't seem inclined to go away. "Don't worry, I'll make sure to be super, extra careful so I don't send your nerves in a spiral and have you committed to St. Mungo's."
A grunt slipped past Emilia's gritted teeth. She regretted even asking him to begin with, the smug prick. "I doubt that would happen."
A delighted titter left him again, entirely over the moon despite Emilia's face looking like a slapped arse. "It could, since, you know, you care so much about my well being. If I did get hurt, would you visit me when I'm in hospital?"
A choke breath of air caught in the back of her throat at his words. Hospital? Why was he talking about a hospital? Quidditch could hardly be that dangerous could it? She pictured Sirius with a split skull like she had seen all those years ago, how the girl's pony tail was caked in blood and her steps seemed to trip over themselves. "Why would I need to vis – "
Her words died in her mouth as her foot slipped on the ground, going out from under her too quickly for Emilia to realise before she was already heading face first into the dirt. One of her hands went to reach out towards the ground to catch herself before any damage could be done but the other was caught in something and the air was punched out of her as her stomach met steel; she hovered briefly, blinking at the winking morning dew drops that lay undisturbed on the grass as her free hand went to what was holding her at her stomach and found Sirius' arm wrapped there, her other bicep caught in his hand and holding Emilia upwards.
Emilia felt frozen, wide eyed like a deer caught in headlights as she tried to take a breath in but it was stilted by the fact Sirius' arm was wrapped around her, the weight on her chest crushing from the feeling of something else that weighed Emilia down; she didn't even care for the fact that her clothes would be stained with stray smears of mud and dirt from his robes or the fact that Sirius' arm was burning a hole right through her coat, which was impossible considering how many layers she was wearing but she could feel it, too intensely for her liking.
Sirius' eyes were curved and the sunlight on his eyes made them warmer, mellowed fractured pieces of grey that glinted no matter where Emilia looked as she could spy her own face in the reflection on them; she could watch herself turning darker in the monochrome of his irises and realised that he could see it too and it only made her turn a brighter shade of crimson.
He smelt of fresh air, of earth and grass, that same cologne that clung desperately to the inside of her lungs as she tried to stop herself breathing in the smell of Sirius but it seemed impossible for he was everywhere.
Emilia felt mortified the longer she stayed dumb struck, disgruntled over the fact that Sirius Black could make her tongue twisted in anyway as he held all of her weight with one arm, the other hand wrapped around her wrist and burning a trail down her bones, into her muscles and straight through to her heart where it threatened to consume the organ whole and Emilia became uncomfortably aware of how little space existed between them.
She watched as the playful look on Sirius' contort into something that was more thoughtful and her eyes couldn't help but flick around to see if anyone else might stumble on such an embarrassing scene but she could see not another soul immediately around them. Small blessings that were dashed as she turned back to Sirius and he was far too close, she didn't like it.
She didn't like it all.
It was as if he was stealing the air from her very lungs until there was nothing else but him.
"I would visit you," Sirius finally said. "Maybe one of these days you'll fall and I won't be there to catch you."
Emilia thought she might set her scarf alight with how scarlet her face turned, instantly ripping herself from Sirius' grip, careful not to let her foot go underneath her again as she stalked off, not caring to see if Sirius was following but she knew he was trailing after her; he always acted as if she had him on a leash of some kind. "The grass is slippy."
She could hear his laugh over the sounds of her own inner thoughts that were trying to talk her into falling again and breaking her neck so that Emilia could save face. "Oh, yeah, sure. Nice save. I see through your plans, Emilia Greene. Don't worry, I won't let them be all for nothing."
Emilia whirled on him, a grimace on her face pulling at the corners of her mouth as she glared up at Sirius, at the smug look that was on his stupidly, handsome mug. It was that same look he had whenever he knew something that Emilia didn't and wasn't inclined to let her in on the secret.
"What do you mean?" she questioned, befuddled. "I don't have any plans."
That stupid look on his face worsened and he tossed Emilia a wink, brushing past her and tossing his words back at her over his shoulder. "'Course you don't."
An exasperated sound left her as she hastened to catch up, features pulling together. It made Emilia want to throw her hands up in the air in exasperation at the fact that she was being left out on a secret that he made sure that she knew he knew about. "I don't. What are you talking about?"
She tried walking ahead of him to see if his face would give anything away but he kept his emotions in check, training them so as to not let Emilia in on whatever secret or joke he was trying to make at her expense.
It was enough to make Emilia wish she were tall enough to reach up and strangle his neck with her bare hands.
"Oh, don't think I don't know," he said vaguely, hands behind his back and laced together, jovially continuing his walk with his head tilted up.
"You don't know a lot of things," Emilia retorted, a crease forming between her drawn together brows and he turned his gaze back down to her and there it was – that damned glimmer again, bright and mocking her. Emilia had thought she was always good at reading people but it seemed she had met her match in Sirius. "What is it specifically that you don't know about this time?"
"For me to know and you to stress over," he half sang, reaching up to tap the side of his nose.
"As if I would stress over anything like that," Emilia said, contradicting herself as she did find herself stressing over it. It made Emilia want to stomp her foot in frustration at the fact that she was being left out on a secret that he was all but delighting in hanging over her head. It was probably something stupid that he just wanted to rile her up over but that didn't mean she didn't want to know. "Must be nothing important if you know about it."
He chuckled, the jab going over his head and finally decided to turn towards her, a playful look etching itself into the noble features of his face, not at all marred by the fact he was covered in sweat and dirt, crystals of the morning dew clinging and sparkling in the curls of his ink black hair.
"For the sake of peace, I solemnly swear to pretend like I don't know," he stated, tongue in cheek and laying on a playful tone thickly, voice practically dripping. Emilia wished he would spit it out because something making him that smarmy had to be important, no matter how much she was trying to convince herself it wasn't.
She was just bad as any gossip her aunt would hang around.
"Just tell me."
"Did you do the reading for Charms? I think I must've lost my book."
Her foot finally stomped itself as Emilia became vexed because he changing the subject on purpose and was teasing her and she wanted to know why. She just knew it going to be something small and insignificant and she would have wasted all this energy trying to wring it from him but she simply did not like the expression he had on him, so smug and self pleased with himself. "Sirius!"
Said boy looked down at her from the side of her eyes, something tugging at the corner of his eyes before he seemed to crack, shaking his head at himself.
"How can I deny such a pretty face?" he sighed, peering down at her before he dropped his height to Emilia's so that they were walking nose to nose and Emilia did not at all appreciate the action, glaring at him in the eyes as he began to take steps to close the small enough distance between them. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone that you're in love – "
Their equal gaze was suddenly torn and Emilia instead was met with the lush green of the castle grounds, turning around to see where Sirius had gone before a groan from below caught her attention, making her look downwards to see Sirius splayed out on the ground, his hair a crown of raven feathers around him.
Emilia's hand went to her mouth to press against her lips in a bid to stop the laugh that was already slipping out of her chest but it was too late and she could not catch it before it fell from her tongue, sounding more like a chortle that would have made Emilia's aunt frown in a disapproving manner as she stared down at him.
His eyes opened slowly, revealing the dazed smoky, silver as he stared up into the big, blue of the sky before another groan left him, hand reaching to the back of his head as if he expected for some ruby droplets to coat his fingers but instead was met with the clear dew drops that were clinging to his head.
Sirius' eyes closed as he pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead. "My head, I've fuckin' hit my head. I think I'm going blind, am I dying? I think I'm dying. Make sure no one finds the stash I've hidden under my bed."
Emilia crouched over him, not bothering to suppress her light laughter at the sight of him complaining; he had nearly been knocked straight off his broom but it was slipping on grass that was getting to him. "Don't be so dramatic. You just hit the dirt. You're not dying."
He peaked at Emilia through one eye, his dark lashes stretching out shadows on his cheeks. "But I must be dead."
She stared down at him, amused. "And how did you come to that conclusion?"
He smiled up at her, eyes curving. The grey was reflecting the bright, baby blue of the sky, making his irises like ice, melting. "Because I see an angel."
Emilia gave a quick look around her, seeing no one else and wondered if maybe the extra trauma to his skull had given him even more of a concussion, resulting him in hallucinating. Emilia turned back, shaking her head at his dramatics. "Get up, you big baby."
"When I die," Sirius croaked, as if he very nearly was on his deathbed, reaching a shaking hand out and gasping through parted lips, fingers wrapping around the sleeve of Emilia's corduroy jacket. "Will you visit me at my grave and cry over it for hours every day?"
"No."
He gave her response some thought before an exhale bled out through his nose.
"Well, bollocks anyways. Fine, there's no point in dying then," Sirius grumbled and began to haul himself to his feet and Emilia hesitantly offered him a hand, the action more symbolic than actually helping considering the fact she could barely help pull his weight back up. Sirius stumbled to his feet, making a show of brushing down his already dirty Quidditch robes and Emilia tugged her hand away from his again, brushing her palm against her jacket and stretching her fingers to get rid of the lingering warmth lest it might burn a memory into her bones. "Too many near brushes with death today for my liking."
"Slipping on grass hardly constitutes as being a near death experience," Emilia told him, waiting until he finished brushing himself off, watching as Sirius placed a hand to his chest, an aghast gasp leaving him at her statement.
"You don't know that! My neck could have twisted the wrong way if I fell wrong!" he said, voice almost shrill and Emilia couldn't help in retaining her snort, giving a roll of her eyes as she began walking once more when she was assured he wouldn't collapse due to a concussion or start hallucinating again.
"Oh, God forbid that that would happen, the horror," she murmured, voice muffled by the scarf that was fixated around her mouth.
"What was that?" Sirius asked and the closeness of his nearly made her jump and fall on her arse once more as she calmed her startled heart.
"Oh nothing, just talking to myself," Emilia hastily replied.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm injured, and I'm being bullied," he sniffed, rubbing the back of his head and messing up his hair even more.
Her eyes did a quick one over on him without thinking before she halted the action, realising it could be misconstrued as checking him out. There wasn't much to check out about him, she already knew he was handsome. "You aren't bleeding anywhere."
"On the outside at least," he said, clicking his tongue as he cricked his neck, the sound of which making Emilia wince. "Maybe I should go to Poppy, lie about breaking my neck or something."
Emilia raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, that's not going to work."
Sirius turned to her, his head tilted in confusion. "Why not?" he asked, genuine.
She gestured to his entire body. "You're not dead, for starters."
Sirius took in her words, debating over them as he gave a hum. "You're right there. Maybe she won't notice."
An amused sound was caught in her throat and Emilia reeled herself back in, realising just how easily he was pulling conversation from her, words fluid between the two of them. She hadn't realised how relaxed she was in his company, no longer knotted tension caught in her muscles and leaving her as stiff as her replies; when had this happened? He had done it so easily, and she had also let him. Whatever promises she had made to herself were long since scattered, nothing in her hands and Emilia couldn't even muster up caring all that much.
The sound of voices behind them caught her attention, half turning to see the gold and red specks of the exhausted Gryffindor team coming out from the pitch behind them. Emilia and Sirius were a fair bit ahead of them and she wondered how it was he managed to get out before the rest of them, peering at him from the side but he didn't seem to notice that his friends were all behind him.
Or maybe he did and was just too polite to leave Emilia by herself to walk back to the castle.
That traitorous voice in the back of her mind sprung up again, sowing the grains of doubt in the soil of her self consciousness once more and her hands curled tighter into fists in her pockets, her nails nipping into the soft flesh of her palm.
"Wouldn't you rather be with your mates?" The words left her suddenly, startling herself and making Sirius turn back to her sharply. She had not meant to let the words to fall out and winced when they did.
"What?" he asked and she gave a vague gesture with her arm behind her and he followed her direction, spotting the team behind them and he raised his arm high up, waving it wildly before it was picked up and returned by his friends and Emilia could see them shouting, though not particularly hear them since they were so far away that whatever they were trying to say were too frayed at the edges to be whole words by the time they reached her ears. Sirius' wide smile returned on his face as he turned back to Emilia. "What do you mean?"
What did she mean? It had been a silly slip of the mind, of the tongue and she tried looking everywhere but at him. "Your team. I mean, I was the reason you late this morning."
Her face felt too warm and she hoped her hair and her scarf were working together to hide her cheeks. She felt ridiculously bashful, all too embarrassed at what she was saying; if Emilia were any more self deprecating, she would wonder why she had bullies to begin with when she did the job well enough herself.
"You're acting like I didn't choose to hang out with you," Sirius snorted, tugging at his scarf and throwing one end over the other shoulder but it did little to keep the cold from biting at his exposed skin. "And it's not as if I got in trouble or anything. I'm one of the best players they've on the team in years."
There it was, that envious confidence that made a breathless laugh left Emilia. She hoped it was infectious, how sure of himself he was. "Sure you are."
"It's true! Once you watch me play, you'll be able to verify it yourself."
Emilia reached up, brushing a curtain of hair behind her ears and exposing herself, wisps slipping free and ticking her cheeks and jaw. "Don't worry, I'll take your word for it."
"You should," Sirius agreed. He looked exhausted, as if the lack of sleep was catching up to him finally but his grey eyes were curved, smiling even when his mouth wasn't. "When have I ever been wrong? Don't answer that."
Emilia's mouth had parted to give a snide remark but closed at his order.
The silence stretched for a moment before Sirius piped up.
"And to answer your question, I spend enough time with them as it is. Besides, not as if I'm not with a friend right now."
His words hit her, leaving Emilia stunned and unable to move her feet as she stared as Sirius' back, watching him walk further away from her without him noticing that she was being left behind.
She wondered if he was joking again, unsure if he was being genuine in such a declaration because if it were any way the former Emilia thought he was being too cruel in making such a joke about these things and that tight feeling in her chest reared its ugly head again, clutching her heart and making the muscles around her rips hurt.
He had never actually said it before, not like this and Emilia couldn't believe he was being so nonchalant about the whole ordeal because for her – for her it left her with a struck nerve, all too sensitive and overthinking and hoping, hoping, that he wasn't just being his usual teasing self.
Did he actually mean it, that she was a friend? He wouldn't be that callous, would he? To know how desperate Emilia was, how she wished for it and then dangle it in front of her as a joke and then laugh at her like all those kids that used to laugh at her in school. It wasn't her that was different, it was everyone else – everyone else was funny, was friendly, was kind, had personalities that just made everyone like them and Emilia always envied that.
Emilia watched him walk away and could see he was still talking, jaw moving but not even aware that Emilia wasn't even beside him.
How long had it been since she actually had friends? It must have been all those years ago when she was kicking around a half deflated football around the estate, riding their bikes that wasn't really theirs and showing off their different bruises and cuts and that had been before she had hit double digits; Emilia didn't even know how to make friends, how did she manage to get Sirius Black of all people to call her that?
They were too different – they only had a House in common and that was it, too many conflicting interests and personalities that would have made it nigh impossible for the two of them to be friends.
Unless he had a reason to be her friend, to even talk to her, which Emilia inevitably recalled that he did – she had forgotten why he was even talking to her in the first place and yet it still plucked at something in her heart, catching on her breath and tripping it up.
She had forgotten, of course she had. How could she not recall the only reason she wanted to be around her? She had let herself be swept up and a forlorn smile graced her smile as Sirius paused, eyes wildly looking around him to see Emilia standing a fair bit behind him, head cocked to the side.
With the afternoon sun behind him, it graced him with a glow that made him seem far too ethereal, making the gold of his Quidditch uniform like wheat, the red crimson, bleeding.
And, despite it all, Emilia found herself not really caring if whatever was between them - friendship or reluctant acquaintanceship - was driven by selfish motivations.
"You alright?" he asked, completely ignorant of Emilia's resolved inner conflict.
She couldn't even open her mouth to give him a proper response, instead she gave an incline of her head, a gentle smile that would have fallen with the smallest of breezes, trudging ahead with the thought about how they were both in this, in this surface level friendship, for the wrong reasons soon being dashed from her mind as the echo of his words filled to the point of something beyond joy.
Elation filled Emilia, swelling up in her like a balloon as the two walked in pace with one another, side by side. Maybe her school years weren't going to be so bad after all.
hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!
HisLordFluffiness: thank you so much! I just love writing the platonic appreciation of Sirius, like we know he's handsome but I want to be able to appreciate it in a way that's not just "i want to jump his bones", you know? Emilia's character development is meant to be slow at the start and then it happens all at once, so it's fun for me to plan out her development and write it all out! I'm glad you enjoyed and reading your review meant the world to me!
Momochan77: i never realised just how terrifying quidditch can be until i rewatched HBP and it's CRAZY that they let kids play such a sport. then again, hogwarts be WILDING since day one. like theyve had teachers try to kill students so maybe them having kids play on broomsticks isnt the worst thing to happen. also, i love, love, love writing casual flirting because it's just so FUN having it flow and then most it flowing over Emilia's head like i'm just sitting here like, emilia, honey, you big dumb dumb. I'm glad you enjoyed and I hope I continue to impress!
megancl99: thank you so much! emilia, i swear this girl is just DIGGING her heels into this whole thing despite the fact she very much wants it to happen but she's trying to play hot and cold. makes me be writing the whole chapter and shaking my head. im glad you liked the chapter and i hope you continue to support the story!
iloveashandquinn: omg thank you so so so much! you dont understand how happy it makes me to be four hours into work and then checking my story to see your lovely comment on my story! the support means so much to me and i only hope that i continue to impress and brighten up your week!
krrriarrry: ahhhh thank you so much! the author very much appreciates all the love and inspiration that is sent their way!
Love. Fiction. 2021: it's about damn time emilia finally went to support this man. it reminds me of kids trying to show off pool tricks to their parents. HE JUST WANTS SUPPORT AND ATTENTION EMILIA.
OryxGreen: hawfhaeoifhao thank you so much! you dont understand how much it means to me for you to enjoy my story AND my writing! while i enjoy writing this story, what i enjoy more is the fact that YOU guys enjoy reading it even more! it makes all the redrafting and rewriting and editing and proofreading so worth it knowing im putting my best into my work and you guys are enjoying it!
my readers: hey didn't you already post this cha-
me, whipping out the neuralyzer from men in black: wym haha i never uploaded anything.
that was my bad, i never meant to upload this chapter, i was at work and was having a sneaky break and meant to reupload an edited version of a different chapter so YOU DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING THIS IS A COMPLETELY NEW CHAPTER THAT WAS NEVER UPLOADED BEFORE
anyways, I hope you all enjoy! I want to thank you all so much for all your lovely comments and reviews! they all mean so much to me and I love reading each and every one of them! you guys seriously dont know how much it means to me to read all your kind, supportive words. Like, genuinely, i can't fathom into words how special your comments and you, as my readers, are to me.
also: massive marauder's appearance next week. there's nothing i love more than writing marauders dialogue and 99% of it just being them emotionally abusing each other to hell and back.
song of choice while writing: 1 step forward, 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo
Thanks for reading!