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chapter fourteen.
Emilia was half tempted to not even leave her bed once Sunday came around, far too comfortable with her sheets wrapped around her and the only sound being the other girls waking up and getting ready for the last day of their weekend before classes would start again.
But the longer she lay in bed with her eyes closed, the quicker sleep ran away from her no matter how fast she was in trying to chase it until she was sure an hour had passed in her attempt to waste her morning. She lingered in her safe cocoon for a while longer, the canopy drawn around her posts as the silence from the dorm began to fill the room.
Unconsciously, Emilia knew she was stalling, trying to not find a way to go to breakfast as she knew that it would inevitable that she would run into Sirius there and she wasn't sure if she wanted to see him yet, not after he had thrown her off her course the previous day after Quidditch practise.
Emilia knew Sirius was friendly, overtly so, but there was a difference between being friendly and actually being friends with someone and she was far too confused about the situation because she didn't know if he was even being serious, part of her desperately wishing he was, the declaration itself plucking at something inside of her; she knew he had not said it without any deeper meaning but her brain couldn't help the way it would go over and over the smallest of things and make mountains out of molehills from them.
Emilia liked being around Sirius, he didn't make fun of her or was mean to her but there were times she felt like she could never keep up with him, making Emilia feel all too lost and far behind, too aware of her own faults when she was around; she couldn't carry a conversation, couldn't understand some of the jokes he made and it made her feel stupid even if he never made a point to comment on it, or on anything about her really.
She wasn't so entirely self deprecating to think her worth was lower than his, that she was unworthy of his attention, of his presence or his smiles, but there was still that voice in the back of Emilia's mind trying to get her to begrudgingly admit that the problem of her never having any friends laid solely in her hands; if she never made much of an effort, why should anyone else do so when she wouldn't do the same for them?
But Sirius... he was different, he made an effort, he wanted to talk to her, be around her, didn't seem to mind when she couldn't respond as much as she desperately wanted to and he was just so… so –
Him, just him. Sirius was like a light that lit up any room he entered into and Emilia felt as helpless as a moth who could only ever act on its nature.
A friend, an actual friend - how sad she felt over the fact she was almost... giddy about it, trying to not let her own paranoia and worry get the best of her. Even for all his joking and messing about, he was still capable of being sincere and it made Emilia's chest hurt; the way he had said it made Emilia know it was a slip of the tongue, a hint that it wasn't all a ploy, that she really did seem worth the effort for anyone.
Now she just had to not mess it up, which suddenly became a new problem for her to face; what if she said the wrong thing? Or laughed at a joke wrong, or missed it completely? She would have to work on her conversation skills more, and maybe stop being so straight faced all the time. Her aunt used to tell her that in order for people to like her more, for boys to like her more, she would need to smile more.
Back then, Emilia didn't understand how a smile could make someone like her; shouldn't they like her for who she was regardless? Now, at seventeen, she realised that doing just that - being herself - was the reason she lacked in the way of friends.
Emilia covered her face with her hands, a groan leaving her as she tried to push all her thoughts to the pit in the back of her mind, letting for future her to deal with all that mess because it was far too early in the morning to be getting a migraine from over thinking. What the Hell was she even worried about? The damned boy was sending her emotions into a tailspin and she was losing grasp on herself all because of the fact he had referred to her as a friend.
It would be fine, so far he didn't seem annoyed by her or didn't find her boring or, or gave any indication he was using her; what he could possibly find of use from her? She wasn't pretty like Marlene or Lily, wasn't as smart or as popular as him and she certainly didn't match his sense of humour. It stilled her fears, knowing that she lacked in many ways which assured her that there was no way he would be using her.
Worst comes to worst, at least she only had seven more months of this, of school, of Sirius Black, and then she would be gone, free to do whatever she wanted.
The thought of which struck an even deeper fear in her that left Emilia hollow.
No thinking about the future, that was a problem for her however many months down the line and she was going to be kicking herself in the arse over it by that time.
First and foremost, she needed to get up and get ready for the day and take everything one step at time, should her eager mind allow for it. She had all necessary work completed and couldn't even scrape up an excuse to study because her brain felt fit to explode over how much reading she had done.
Instead, Emilia took her time in the morning, unconsciously taking more care of her appearance than she usually did; brushing her teeth to the point she thought her gums might bleed, hesitating on what to wear before settling on a tartan red skirt and a mustard turtleneck sweater, tying up her converse tightly before smoothing out her hair, glowering at herself in the mirror as she debated over leaving it long around her or putting it up.
Her hair eventually won the battle and it hung around her, loose down her back as she continued to pull at her clothes, the sleeves of her sweater, wondering if her skirt needed to be longer or shorter and if she should change into jeans instead.
Emilia turned away from her reflection, her mood souring at the sight of herself as her face fell and she became filled with doubt.
When did she ever care about what she wore, anyways? It wasn't as if anyone was going to notice.
Out of habit, she grabbed her edition of The Hobbit and flicked through it, ruminating over the realisation that she had not read it in a while after finishing it last time. Despite trying to stall herself, Emilia eventually began to drag herself down the stairs of the Gryffindor tower to the Great Hall, practically dragging her feet.
After Sirius' admittance yesterday, Emilia felt almost more timid than she normally would be, the thought that Sirius thought of her as a friend would make anyone laugh because there was no way he was friends with her for her sense of humour or likable personality.
She could hear them before she spotted them – loud and raucous noise and chatter and Emilia's eyes managed to pick Sirius out of the crowd almost instantaneously, his tall head of soft, ink black hair looking purple in the light spilling in through the glass panes of the window. He was surrounded by his friends, laughing about something or other and looking as carefree as he could possibly.
Emilia wondered if she should say hello or greet him but at the sight of him talking with his friends, she worried she would be intruding on their conversation and might make a fool of herself. Hesitating, she caught her lip between her teeth and chewed, deliberating before decided that she would only be butting in if she went up to him; instead, Emilia cracked open her book, quite confident that she would be able to eat her breakfast in peace as she walked down the aisle between the tables and before she noticed with some despair that the only free space was past Sirius and his mates where a group of Third Years sat and beyond them, nothing.
Emilia took to reading her book even if her eyes didn't take in any of the printed words as she tried to keep her head down and hoped that if Sirius asked why she ignored him that she could at least use the excuse of having her nose in a book, something which was very much expected of her.
Thinking she was in the clear, Emilia nearly jumped out of her shoes when she felt something grab a hold of her elbow, reeling her in and almost causing her to trip over her feet as she was dragged in from the space between the tables, her knees just about stopping themselves from knocking up against the edge of the bench.
"Emilia!" Sirius grinned, looking more tired than usual. They were all looking at her but she tried not to notice their gazes, the sight of them from the corner of her eye blurry; James Potter lazily chewing on his buttered toast, his glasses sitting askew on his nose, Remus Lupin's hair a golden mess, his usual state of exhaustion even worse for wear as if he had not slept the entire night. Peter lay beyond her limited field of vision as she focused on Sirius, but she could feel his eyes on her too, watching the way a pale pink flooded up through her neck.
"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there." It was a blatant lie of course and she hoped it wasn't too obvious.
"You're not going to sit with us?" Sirius asked as his hand dropped form her elbow to her wrist, twitching as if it meant to go further and eyes followed the action, her own and others and she shuffled on the spot.
If it had just been Sirius, she might not have minded as much but he all but expected her to sit and eat with him and his friends, friends she had never talked to before (with the exception of Peter and she hardly counted Remus since she still believed the last and first time they talked to one another had been because of an ulterior motive he kept hidden). How was she going to eat in front of so many people with how nervous she was feeling?
Emilia swallowed the sickly feeling that felt too sour in the back of her throat as Sirius stared up at her expectantly, his fingers catching on a sliver of her bare skin as the cuff of her sweater slipped up. She wondered if he could feel the erratic step of her pulse. "I was going to go eat."
"Can't you eat with us?" Sirius asked her, holding onto her wrist as if he were afraid she might turn tail and walk back out the door to the Great Hall. Escape was looking far more enticing than Sirius' question, standing to the ground as she tried to ignore the other pairs of eyes that were flickering back and forth between Emilia and Sirius and where their arms were conjoined.
A snort broke Emilia's attention to see James chewing on the corner of his buttered toast, talking through his mouth half full. "You eat like a dog, Padfoot, why would she want to see that?"
Emilia inwardly agreed with James' statement; in the times when she had had lunch or breakfast with Sirius, not on her own volition as always, she couldn't help but note how he always ate as if afraid the food would be Vanished away from him at any second, not even caring that he might end up choking on a fried egg so long as it got into his stomach.
"I do not!" Sirius defended. "If anything, I was the only one raised with manners around this place."
"Why are you bringing me into this?" Remus spoke up, looking far too tired to deal with this too early in the morning. "I was raised quite well, thank you."
"Oh, never you, Remus, darling," Sirius immediately offered up, fluttering his long eyelashes at his friend. "I would never insult you in such a way, unlike some people that I shall not name."
Sirius gave a pointed glare to James from across the table. "Even Hagrid's mongrel's have better manners than you. Smell better, as well."
Sirius' bared his teeth in a soundless growl, a silent warning as he glowered at his friend who sat across the table while looking not the least bit threatened.
"Careful, Potter, or else I might just give you rabies," Sirius shot back.
"You're going to bite me?"
"I will if you don't watch yourself."
"So, you're saying you're diseased?" James question, swallowing his toast and cocking his head to the side.
Sirius pulled a face, the threat in his features melting away. "What? No, I'm not diseased."
James turned to Remus and Emilia thought she might end up becoming dizzy with the amount of times her eyes were darting back and forth between the group of friends and Sirius' hand was burning on her wrist. "I think he's saying he's diseased, don't you think so, Moony?"
Moony, Emilia recalled – Sirius had called Remus that before and she had been confused at the nickname, not quite sure someone would call their child a thing and she realised she was quite an idiot for not catching on that it could possibly be a nickname; though in her defence not many people (which is to say none at all) had given Emilia a nickname so she didn't really know how that whole thing worked.
There was that glint in Remus' eye again, the one she had seen on the day of their talk as he gave a nod to James' words. "I think he's saying he's diseased. We might have to put him down in case he infects the rest of us. It's only right to put him out of his misery."
An exasperated sound left Sirius as he tried to defend himself against his friends who were currently taking the piss out of him as he tossed a helpless look over his shoulder at Emilia who had yet to sit down on the spot he had made for her after shuffling himself away from Peter. At the turn of Sirius' head, Emilia could see the way his cheeks turned red, she assumed he was quickly becoming embarrassed over his choice of words.
"I'm not diseased," he told Emilia before turning back to his two friends who seemed far to happy in their teasing of their friend even if it made Sirius hapless. "Shut up, I'm not."
"So you're saying you don't have rabies?" Peter spoke up having been silent all this time but not wanting to miss out on ribbing Sirius.
Sirius snapped his head towards Peter and he was looking more annoyed by the minute, the sight of which making a ghost of a smile pull at the corner of Emilia's mouth. She had never seen him so flustered and he had always been able to hold himself up against her mocking of him, though she assumed with it being three against one, he was quickly losing his ground on his defence that he actually wasn't infected with a disease that afflicted dogs.
"No, Wormy, I don't have rabies, why the fuck would I say I have rabies?" Sirius shot back.
Peter's round face scrunched up into a confused expression. "Then why would you say you would give it to James if you don't have it?"
A guffaw left James and Remus, the former of which choking on his toast and slamming his fist against his chest as he tried to wash it down with tea, his dark skin flushing red as Remus tried to hide his grin with his hand. One look to Sirius and Emilia could see he was regretting opening this conversation to begin with.
"I swear, will all you just – " Sirius growled, glaring at his friends and they all shut their mouths at the threat before he turned back to Emilia who was feeling more and more like an idiot as she stood, Sirius' hand burning into her wrist and she wondered if it would leave a mark. He had a softer smile on his face as he looked up at her and it wasn't often she had the advantage of height and the thought made her turn pink slightly. "Emilia, please accept my deepest, most humble apology for their behaviour at this time in the morning. They're all so uncivilised, I'm so sorry that you have to be exposed to this kind of shit."
"I'm not the one saying I'm going to pass on a disease," James murmured, voice barely discernible as he ate around his toast.
Sirius snapped his eyes to him, taking on a tone that snakes and Slytherins alike would have been proud of. "Potter, so help me, if you don't watch that mouth of yours, Pomfrey will be fishing your teeth from the bottom of your stomach."
"Oh, I'm so scared, I'm going to wet my knickers!"
"Just like you did in Second Year when - " Sirius sneered before a splutter left his friend, nearly yelling in effort to keep his friend quiet.
"Shut up!" James dark skin flushed a deep red, his ears practically burning. Emilia darted back and forth between the two friends until she focused once more on James who turned to her, a hand covering one side of his mouth as if to hide that he was talking to her from Sirius, which might have worked had he not been for the fact his voice all but echoed all over the Great Hall. "You might want to be careful, you don't know what other disease he might have lurking in him."
Something like a growl left Sirius before his face washed away into something more like his usual, boyish smile. Emilia wondered if she would end up nursing an ache behind her eyes from how much they bounced from person to person. "Excuse you, my body is a temple."
"Some god it's dedicated to," Remus sighed, cradling his jaw with his hand and eyes dropping as if he was fit to fall asleep at any moment.
Sirius leaned across the table, smile carving itself into something sharper, a sneer and at his movement, Emilia's limp arm followed, as if she were nothing else but a puppet on a string mastered by Sirius. "Oh, so you're saying I'm a god, is that it?"
"A diseased god."
"Um," Emilia spoke up and suddenly four pairs of eyes were all on her, making her skin crawl and she only had the strength to look at Sirius, putting all her effort into not crumbling under the weight of all their gazes. It made her feel like a strange test subject, or a poor animal trapped in a zoo with so many people ogling her. Her wrist hung limp in Sirius' hand that circled it, his grip tight and making sure she knew that there was no way she was going to be able to pull herself out of this one, both figuratively and literally speaking. "I was just going to get breakfast and do some reading. I don't want to intrude on – "
"You won't, honest," Sirius insisted and, not wanting to hear another word on the matter, began to pull Emilia towards the table, leaving her no choice but to swing a leg over the bench and to settle in her spot stuck between Sirius and Peter who seemed to find staring down at his tea a lot more interesting.
It felt as if someone was slowly starting up a fire beneath her and Emilia was ready to jump up and run away, Sirius finally letting go of her wrist under the table after she gave a loose tug of her hand and his fingers fell away. Her stomach was a mess and she felt as if she couldn't even eat because the other two eyes across from the table staring at her and tried not to wilt away underneath them.
"In fact," Sirius smiled, a lot kinder than he had been when he was glaring at his snickering friends. "You're making the company more bearable."
"Hey, I resent that!" James spoke up, a huff leaving him.
Sirius looked away from Emilia and directed his friendly sneer towards the other black haired boy sitting across from him. "Then resent it for all I care, Potter."
James frowned at Sirius' words. "You're mean at this time in the morning."
"I'm always mean," Sirius pointed out.
"Really?" James said before giving a disappointed shake of his head, hand on his head and a sigh bleeding out past his lips, clearly trying his hand at dramatics. "I guess after all these years, I've just been wearing red tinted glasses."
"It's rose tinted glasses," Remus corrected him, making James snap his head towards him with his features pulling up.
"Oh, my dear Moony," James laughed, reaching forward to pinch Remus' cheek and leaving a streak of bread crumbs on his face. "I think I would know something like this. I'm pretty sure it's red."
"And I can assure you, my dear Prongs, that it's not," Remus told him, smacking his friend's hand away and wiping away the crumbs left behind on the side of his face with his sleeve. What odd nicknames, Emilia remarked. She had never been called a nickname, was never close enough to anyone for them to do so. She wondered what it would be like.
"I think I would know if I was wrong," James said and he briefly met Emilia's eyes as if he wanted her to back him up before she looked elsewhere and he appeared somewhat distraught as if couldn't seem to fathom he was wrong over this. "It is, I'm right! I know it, swear on my mum."
"Send Euphemia my regards then," Remus tutted, and James' face pulled further down into a frown, brows disappearing behind the wire of his glasses.
Beside her, Sirius gave a sniff and tugged at the sleeve of his sweater, bringing it to his eyes and dabbing them as if tears were practically spilling down his cheeks. "Such a shame to have such a talented witch taken from us too soon."
"I'm not wrong!" James whined, turning to Remus who pulled a face as if to show his friend that, to his dismay, he was very much wrong on something as simple and small as this.
A groan left him, a mutter leaving him that sounded somewhat like how he thought that Lily was going to think he was even more of an idiot now. In consolation, Remus patted a hand on his shoulder none too kindly and the bespectacled boy gave a wheeze, looking as if Remus' hand had gone out through his chest.
Far too much chatter and noise for Emilia's liking and she hoped that the small ache settling in her temple wasn't a headache before Sirius brought his hands together, a sharp clap bursting around them and Emilia couldn't help but jump as she turned towards him, ignoring the way her heart leapt in her throat.
She didn't do well with loud sounds and she tried to ignore the stutter in her chest as Sirius turned his torso towards her, elbow on the table.
"Anyways! I guess I'll have to be the one to do introductions since I was the only raised with manners it seems," he announced before turning his fingers to point at the two other boys in front of them, the both of them currently engaged in whispers behind cupped hands in top secrecy. She didn't care one jot that they weren't talking or even paying attention to her. Sirius hand found itself in the middle of her back, between her shoulder blades and her mind went blank that she didn't even think to tell him that she already knew his friends were as his touch burnt a hole through her, making Emilia fear it might consume her heart. "That wanker is James and that is Remus. And this – "
He moved his hand towards the boy beside her who had yet to look at her and the movement meant his touch at her back was removed for a brief second and she gathered her thoughts, jumping in to introduce herself.
"Peter. We took Care of Magical Creatures together," Emilia nodded and she didn't turn to see the surprised look on Sirius face. "Hi, Peter."
Her voice made him jump and Peter nearly knocked his tea on his cup, startled by the greeting until he finally faced her, looking a little pale in the face. His face wasn't as round as it used to be and he had lost a bit of weight too, there was some peach fuzz on his face that showed promise of facial hair if he was lucky.
They hadn't talked since their last class in Care of Magical Creatures but Emilia had liked Peter, he was nice and he had outgrown his nerves over the years and fortunately, it seemed he was capable of eye contact as his light eyes met hers. "Hey, Emilia."
Before Emilia could ask him how he was, Sirius jumped ahead of her, pressed close to her with her side face him now pressed up against his chest and he didn't seem to care about how close they were as Emilia tried to ignore how the warmth of his body was going straight to her cheeks. "Oh, now you know her name, huh? How many bloody years did you take the same class and you didn't even bother to learn her name."
Peter's eyes darted from Sirius to a confused Emilia, mouth opening and closing and trying to find the right words. She hadn't realised Peter didn't know her name and now she felt slightly embarrassed for having assumed anything about them even being cordial with one another. Peter shook his head furiously, his mousy brown hair following the movement. "I did!"
"And here you went letting me go around and call her Emily to her face," Sirius scoffed and Emilia turned her head towards him, trying to ignore how doing so made it so that she was closer to him, that they were nearly nose to nose as she glowered at him.
"It's not his fault you didn't know my name," she defended Peter and Sirius gave a roll of his eyes, shifting his elbow that was resting on the table top so he could cradle his jaw in his palm, not even concerned about how they were pressed up against one another, his thigh pressed to hers and her skirt had lifted slightly, leaving it bare and making the warmth coming from him almost unbearable.
"Oh yeah, and who can I blame then?" he asked and a huff of air left Emilia, one that might have been a laugh had she let it so. They were still so close she could see the way his eyes glinted, catching on the pale, yellow light of the sun and making the silver gleam.
"How about yourself," she stated and a short, chesty chuckle left him as if in disbelief at Emilia, the action briefly making him pull away from her before they were glued to one another yet again, a jolt exploding across Emilia at his touch once more.
"What, me? Make a mistake? As if!"
She couldn't help but to bring her eyes to the ceiling before bringing them back down to him again. "Didn't you nearly fall off your broom yesterday?"
Sirius clicked his tongue, releasing his jaw to give a swish of his hand at her question. "You're hardly blaming me for not having eyes on the back of my head."
"You're lucky nothing was damaged," she told him. Emilia realised all too late that she had turned her body entirely towards Sirius, an unconscious move she hadn't copped onto and felt rude for having turned her back on Peter, twisting away but luckily Peter didn't seem the least bit hurt about being excluded.
"Excuse you, I think my brain came loose," Sirius said, tapping his temple and a shudder ran through him as if he was remembering the pain of the bludger nearly caving his skull in after Bertie's misdirection.
"As she said, nothing was damaged," Remus spoke up, seemingly never wanting to miss a chance to make fun of his friend and Sirius' sharp gaze turned towards his friend and the two's bantering quickly dissolved into seeing if they could emotionally scar the other with James nearly choking on his tea in laughter, the liquid pouring out of his nose as he wheezed through his breaths.
Emilia quite liked that they weren't actively trying to talk to her, didn't mind that they weren't paying any attention to them as they easily shifted conversation and talked over one another. Her lack of conversation skills were made more abundantly clear as she listened to how easily Sirius managed to talk with his friends and laugh with them; he seemed different here, surrounded by his friends, more at ease than he would be around her and she realised that even if he said that she was a friend, it wasn't the same.
There were different kinds of friends: the people you knew that you could have an occasional chat with about mundane, unimportant things, then there were people who were friends of friends who you spent time around but it wasn't anything deep, and then in this case where he was with people he knew for nearly a decade of his life, people who probably knew more about Sirius than he knew about himself.
Emilia wondered where she fell on that scale, where in that broad spectrum of friendship that she lay to Sirius. She wanted to be more, to have what he had what had with his friends but maybe that was asking too much.
Emilia felt something nudge at her arm and she jolted, suddenly pulled from her thoughts and was startled at the touch, turning to see Peter as he looked up at her through his thin, short lashes and his cheeks were slightly pink.
"I didn't actually forget your name, you know," Peter told her, his voice low so it would only be picked up by Emilia's ears. "It's just I don't think he heard me. Plus, Sirius doesn't exactly like to be proven wrong."
A small smile graced her lips at his admittance, ignoring how Sirius and Remus were now ganging up on James and their voices becoming far too loud considering how early it was on a weekend morning. Emilia didn't mind they had no interest of conversing with her, plus Peter was friendly enough and he was the only one that she had actually talked to before Sirius had decided that he quite liked being glued to her side.
"Well, he wasn't completely wrong, I guess. He got the first syllable correct at least," Emilia laughed, words leaving her in a rush of air and Peter mimicked the sound, a tension in his shoulders dissipating. He must have been nervous that Emilia might have taken offence to what Sirius had said. "And I'm glad I wasn't so forgettable after three years together in that class."
"Of course you're not forgettable!" Peter exclaimed, louder than he intended as his cheeks took on a bit of colour after his voice died down and his eyes darted downwards to his tea, fiddling with the handle of it. "You went on to do Herbology instead, right?"
"Yeah, I didn't really fancy the idea of being brought into the Forbidden Forest. The thestrals freak me out."
She hadn't liked the creatures from the moment she had seen them, all leathery and lacking muscle and it made her shudder think about them, wishing nothing more that she couldn't see them at all like some lucky souls. One had tried eating her hair at one point and she had nearly burst into tears out of fright at them; it didn't matter how many times she was told that they were much like horses in their nature, she didn't like or trust them and Emilia liked to think of herself as being a big animal lover, but that was perhaps just asking too much of her.
A sigh left Peter, taking a sip of his tea as a crestfallen look briefly flashed over his soft features. "I wish I picked Herbology instead. It's much more interesting than Care of Magical Creatures."
There was a tug to her sleeve, trying to grab her attention as Sirius resumed his position from earlier, too close to Emilia and leaning around her with his eyes moving from her to Peter. "What are you talking about?"
"It's a private conversation," she sniffed, trying not to be reeled in by Sirius and turn her back on Peter again.
"Yeah, and I want to join in," he said with a shrug.
Emilia shared a look with Peter before turning back to Sirius with a decisive expression. "Three's a crowd."
"Alright then," he agreed before his gazed slipped over to his friend and he gave a whistle, jabbing the curve of his chin off to the side. "Piss off Wormy. You heard the woman."
A frown more serious than Emilia would have expected from Peter settled on his mouth. "As if. Why don't you piss off?"
Sirius took on a mocking tone as he pointed a finger at his friend. His leg was pressed up entirely against Emilia's and she could smell the cologne he always wore, how it clung to his clothes and to the bit of skin that was on display over the collar of his sweater. "Because I'm engaging in a private conversation with Emilia and you're eavesdropping."
Peter looked ready to protest before Emilia grabbed her book and made a move to stand, swinging one of her legs out and smiling at Peter before tossing a less than friendly look at Sirius. "How about the two of you keep talking? I'm going to get some work done."
With that, she swung the other leg out, ignoring how her palms felt clammy as she walked away, glad for the space and the air to breathe; she hadn't realised just how anxious she had been until she was a bit away, the way her stomach was knotted and she hadn't even managed to eat anything as her nerves were filling up the void in her stomach, making it impossible for food to even appear appealing to her.
She had barely exchanged a word with his friends and even that was too much for her, it was always easier when it was just Sirius, and now she worried if she made a fool of herself for not talking as much as she should have or for keeping her head down or, or –
Oh, great, more things for her to over think about.
A scowl on her face, Emilia thought about climbing back into bed when she heard a shout of her name and turned to see Sirius rushing to catch up with her, all but clambering with his hair falling back from his face and boots hitting the ground before he slowed down until he was beside her.
"Good call that. I don't think he was ever going to leave us alone," he said and Emilia raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if he was being sarcastic or if he really believed that she wanted him to follow her. It seemed Emilia never really had a choice in the matter because even as she tried to walk away he stayed beside her.
"Clearly you're not good at reading signals."
"You mean you didn't want me to follow you after you said you wanted to be alone?" he said and Emilia realised that he was definitely being sarcastic.
Sometimes she could just never tell with him but she felt as if she was getting slightly better at it.
"Maybe something was damaged yesterday," Emilia stated, wondering just how hard that bludger had hit him. She had seen it break a skull and knock people off of brooms before, so maybe Sirius was just blessed to be born with an extra thick skull.
"Nuh-uh, no way, not me," he insisted, reaching a hand up to tap a finger up against his temple where a curl of his hair was tickling, the strand looking ink black against the pale skin. "I'm as sound as ever."
"Which is to say, very little," she shot back and Sirius let out an aghast gasp at this, hand over his head.
"Hey, at least I can say that I'm good fun."
"Evidently our definitions of fun are vastly different."
"Don't sell yourself short, Emilia," Sirius tutted, as if he was trying to comfort her in some form or another. She narrowed her gaze up at him, hardly believing that he was going to argue that she was in any shape fun to be around. "You can be fun too! Not like me, but maybe kind of close!"
Emilia's eyes briefly turned up towards the Heavens at him, shaking her head at him. She wondered if his friends were going to be annoyed at him leaving them unceremoniously without much notice, but Sirius didn't seem to care, hands in his pockets and looking far too content to just be walking beside Emilia. "Are you going to bother me for the rest of the day?"
He gave her question some thought, making her wait for a response. "Depends."
"On what?"
"If you decide to hang out with me instead of keeping away to a dark corner in the library."
A sound of disbelief left her. Why had he ditched his friends to be with her when he wasn't even sure if she even wanted to hang out with him? It wasn't that she didn't, but she had an unsavoury reputation to keep – what would be thought about her if she started actually talking to people and having friends? "Unlikely."
"Suit yourself," Sirius said in a lilting tone, shoulders lifting as if in acceptance of her declaration. "The company would do you some good."
"Once again, unlikely. It'll give me a headache."
"Or moments to remember! Maybe in a good way or a bad way, but definitely one way to find out."
Not that Emilia wanted to do any of that but once he put his mind to something, it seemed there was no stopping him and she would only be an unmovable object trying to stop the unstoppable force that was Sirius Black. Fine, she thought, let him hang around, it wasn't as if he could do anything that bad – at least she hoped. Expulsion wasn't exactly on her list for Sunday but so long as he didn't drag her into a mess, she supposed that there was no harm in letting him hang around her.
Emilia didn't respond, wasn't sure how to, but she was learning to get over that, to get over the fact sometimes there just... wasn't something to say; she risked a peek up at Sirius but there was nothing on his face to give away what he was thinking about and the silence became palpable, almost choking.
It felt almost selfish, to prefer Sirius when he wasn't silent after she spent so long snapping at him to be quiet.
She liked him a whole lot more when he was smiling, too.
Her nails were digging into the worn cover of her book as she tried to scrape up something to say, ask him about Quidditch, or if he got his Transfiguration essay done, anything of the sort but as the silence stretched on, the more awkward she worried it would be should she finally speak up, electing instead to let him do the honours of breaking the peace.
Finally, after an eternity of this smothering stillness, Sirius gave a cough, fisted hand over his mouth, the sound purposely trying to draw Emilia's attention. "Can I ask you something?"
That didn't bode well for Emilia and she now wished she had not complained so much about how little he was speaking. "Even if I say no, you're still going to."
"Oh, Emilia, you know me so well," he sighed dreamily and Emilia hoped that he would let it pass but then his hands were in his pockets again and he was slowing his pace, all but forcing Emilia to do the same and she looked back at him. Had Emilia not known better, she might have thought the expression on his face was awkwardness but Sirius Black didn't get awkward, especially not around the likes of her. He seemed to be debating on letting what was on his mind out, as if the filter between his brain and his mouth was switched on after so long and was too rusted to work before he met her waiting eyes, finally making his decision. "How come you don't like me?"
Emilia was left stunned at his question. He couldn't be serious, could he? "What?"
He released one of his hands from the pockets of his jeans to scratch at the back of his head and any doubt Emilia had regarding over him being genuine with this question was dashed from her as she realised that he actually did want to know, that he wasn't just teasing her or taking the piss; Emilia might said he looked bashful but there was no way, not a high hope in Hell could Sirius be any way timid before her. "I mean, I'm pretty sure you don't hate me but I'm also, like, 76% sure you don't like me, but don't quote me on my maths. I had to ask Remus to do it for me."
The joke went unnoticed by Emilia as her lips parted, head tilted to the side and trying to discern if he wanted an earnest answer, the God honest truth from her. "Are you serious?"
"As always, but with this in particular," he nodded, yet Emilia hesitated still.
What could she say to him other than the truth? There wasn't really much about Sirius that she could use in a lie about how she didn't like him and now he was on edge waiting for her to respond, expectant grey eyes wide. "Like, you want a genuine answer?"
"I asked, didn't I?" he said and he was right, he did ask but Emilia didn't know if she wanted to answer.
Emilia didn't exactly hate him, not like how she used to but he was under the impression that she still burned with a fervours antipathy for him. Hesitantly nipped at her heels, reeling back her words whenever she thought she was ready to reply but the more she thought, the more difficult it became to answer him.
It wasn't that she didn't know why she had hated him at first, it was just she didn't exactly want to tell him, to let him know all he had done wrong by her. It felt wrong considering how nice he had been to her as of late and how she had actually begun to like him, and wondered why he picked now to ask her.
Emilia swallowed her words and looked to her book, as if it were the most interesting thing in the world at that moment. Anything was better than looking at Sirius in the face. Why would he want to know, anyways? Whatever had been done, was done and he couldn't go back in the past and change it and... and hadn't he said they were friends, now? Why would she be friends with someone she hated? But he was looking at her expectantly, wanting her to tell him the truth - or what he thought was the truth.
Instead, Emilia gave a half hearted shrug, barely raising her shoulders above a few centimetres. "I… don't know."
Sirius gave a scoff at her unconvincing act. "You're really not going to tell me?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Why wouldn't I want to know what you thought about me?" he countered and Emilia pursed her lips at him. In every other instance, Emilia would think the truth couldn't hurt and it would be better but looking at him in the eyes, at that grey that sparkled in the buttery light of the morning, she couldn't.
Her attention turned away from Sirius again at the tightness in her chest. "What does it matter? I mean, it won't change anything."
"Won't it?" He echoed and Emilia held back her voice, tongue glued to the roof of her mouth so it could not waggle free any of what she really wanted to say and her silence was all that she could provide in place of an answer before Sirius heaved an old, heavy sigh. "Okay, fine, I won't push it. Was just curious is all, you're usually so secretive, I just asked because I wanted to know what was going on in that big, ol' brain of yours."
She was worried if she hurt his feelings with deciding to not tell him the truth but he didn't seem to be entirely distressed over it.
Even if Emilia did elect to tell him, it wasn't as if he could be mad that she had been upset over the fact his actions had annoyed her, she would only telling him what he had done. Still, it felt wrong to tell him, to talk about how she had loathed him at one point; now she felt slightly embarrassed for him even bringing it up to begin with and there was a flush in her cheeks as her breaths caught up to her after being completely floored by his question. And since they were friends by Sirius' own decree, why did he need to know about how she felt about him in the past? Wasn't how she felt now towards him all that mattered?
"Not all questions need answers," Emilia breathed.
"Yes that do, that's why they're questions," he said smugly, catching her in a corner with his words, peering down at her and cocking his head to the side. His statement rested in the air between them for a moment but his sharp eyes failed to pick Emilia apart and she worried he might push her but he relented, hands in his pockets once more as he began his stride again, Emilia doing the same. "Alright, alright, keep your secrets, I won't give you any more cause to hate me."
Emilia kept her mouth shut for a moment, wondering what else to say.
By refusing to clear the air, did Sirius think she still hated him even now? It wouldn't be out of question if he did because she hadn't even decided to tell him that she didn't not like him and not mention she was always so unimpressionable and outwardly cold he might think it was all because of him; she just had not expected him to ask her such a – a ridiculous question without any notice and just expecting her to gather her thoughts and give him a coherent response.
She tried to see past Sirius' face, to see if his emotions were giving him away, to see if he was any way annoyed with her for dodging the question but could not see anything that might give Emilia any sort of clue, her hands wringing together, book under her arm as she pondered over speaking up or not.
Would he not want to be around her anymore, now want to be her friend now after refusing to tell him the truth? She wished she hadn't been so dodgy and she knew should have just told him that she didn't hate him, not truly, not anymore, and that she actually enjoyed being around him but the words would not come out the way she wanted.
Her voice was stilted in her throat, catching on her racing heart as her mind became a jumbled mess of different things she wanted to say but couldn't.
Her eyes looked to his face and saw that he didn't seem all entirely bothered by Emilia's rant but he always seemed good at training his features, making sure not to let anything he was thinking slip through the cracks; her mouth felt dry as she looked down and took a leap.
"I don't, you know," she said, far too quiet than she expected but the worry of him not hearing her vanished as she saw him look to her but she could not meet his eyes, face turning the same shade of red as their school robes.
"What?" was all he could say, evidently confused and forcing her to elaborate.
Emilia really wished she had spent her morning lazing about in bed.
She took a hold of her book, staring down at the worn cover and trying to ignore the heat that was burning in her ears.
If she weren't careful, Sirius would never let her live it down if she said anything that was anything too revealing. "I don't hate you, or anything like that. I really don't."
A bark of laughter left him and Emilia turned upwards to see him, seeing that beautiful, boyish smile on his face once more and she felt like she could breathe again. "Of course you don't! How could anyone hate me?"
"I'm glad that you're so confident about that," Emilia stated, making it appear liking a prodding joke but she was all but relieved he had not taken what she said to heart, glad that he didn't seem all that bothered by what she had said. "Then, can I ask you something?"
Sirius faltered for a moment and he pulled a face. "Oh, shite, now I'm scared that you want to ask me something incriminating like if I was the one who filled the suits of armours up with foam. I should have kept my gob shut."
Maybe she had over stepped a boundary and she hastily tried to take it back. "If you don't want me to, I won't - wait, you were the one who did that?"
But he waved his hand, brushing her question aside and it seemed Sirius was having none of Emilia's back tracking as he shook his head, the expression on his face melting away. "Maybe it was, I'll never tell, but you can ask whatever it is you wanted. Shoot."
His reaction had done little to reassure Emilia in taking the leap and actually asking him what she wanted to ask, wondering if she should do so or keep her mouth shut. What if, like her, he gave her an answer she didn't like? What if it was worse than she expected and that he laughed at her and now Emilia really wished she had never opened her big fat mouth to begin with but Sirius was waiting for her to say something and there was no going back now, she had no choice and he wouldn't leave her alone until she finally pushed through it.
A deep breath rushed into her lungs, trying to wash away the anxiety that was choking her and leaving her full of self doubt and worry, unable to meet his eyes.
She had the right to ask and he had every right to answer her in any way that he wanted.
"Why are you doing this, being around me? I mean, you could have just accepted me forgiving you back in detention. Instead you're... you want us to be friends." The last word left her, hanging onto the air as it surrounded them in an echo before disappearing entirely. Her tummy was a mess, nerves filling the pit and making her breathing stilted and she wondered if Sirius was silent because he was trying to figure out how to tell her in a way that wouldn't be entirely mean.
Her face felt pale, drained of the warmth that had been gracing it previously and couldn't stand it any more as she looked up at Sirius who was giving her question some thought in a genuine manner, as if he hadn't actually thought about why he did it in the first place, as if he wasn't used to having his actions be put into question.
She had been expecting an elaborate clarification, maybe even him just telling her that he didn't really want to be around her and would turn heel and never look back at her, talk to her ever again. Instead Sirius gave a shrug. "Dunno. Maybe it's just a pride thing. I don't want you to just forgive me and not mean it."
"Like how you apologised and didn't mean it," she clarified and he nodded enthusiastically.
"Exactly!" Sirius concurred before his face twisted up at what he had just agreed to, quickly making a rush to take it back. "Wait, no. No, I mean, I am sorry. I just don't want you to think I'm a bad person or anything like that."
"So you decide to just pester me incessantly?" she asked, requesting clarification and Sirius clicked his fingers, pointing at her.
"See, I never have to explain things around you, you just know exactly what I'm talking about most of the time," he laughed, a sparkling clear sound and Emilia doubted he was telling the truth. Most of the time, whatever he said went over her head but she assumed he was just being nice by not pointing it out. "I'm glad that we're on the same page."
"Is that really all it is?" Emilia prodded, hoping he would let something else slip but he was abnormally tight lipped.
"That and your charming self!" he joked and Emilia knew he was joking because if she were any way type of charming, then her aunt would suddenly start liking children. The thought alone sent an amused huff leave her, a sound Sirius caught onto but did not question, a quirk in the corner of his lip. His arm suddenly brushed up against her, a gentle push that was careful enough to not knock her off of her feet.
"Now I know you're lying," Emilia said and Sirius seemed aghast at her words.
"Me? Lie to you? I would never!" Sirius insisted. "Plus, I have to admit that you're amusing to keep around."
Emilia felt something still in her at his words, as if someone had knocked their first into her stomach and forced all the air from her lungs up and out of her parted lips; the echo of his voice rinsed her ear until it was all she could hear, an all encompassing sound that felt like she was going to drown under if she didn't breathe but she couldn't, all she could think about was how, to Sirius, she was little more than something to keep him entertained.
Her voice felt like cotton in her throat, stuffed and strangling it and she couldn't cough it up because all she could think about was his words, his admittance that left akin to a Stinging Hex.
Amusing, that was what he had called her; dogs could be amusing, a cat playing around with a feather could be amusing, little children telling you about all different kinds of dinosaurs could be amusing – but her? Did she offer little else other than to keep him from the throes of boredom?
No, it couldn't because he had said they were friends, had he not? And he had just said he didn't lie, so... so was he being truthful with this? That all she was to him was something to amuse him?
She had thought, foolishly, that he liked being around her because… because she was just her and maybe that would have been enough but now the thought of it made her feel silly, ridiculous because now she was nothing more than something that he saw as being amusing. Did he laugh at Emilia behind her back to his friends? Did he gripe about how utterly boring she was, at how shit she was at conversation and how sometimes she didn't get a joke he would make and it made her feel stupid for not understanding the meaning?
Did he tell them how he couldn't wait to be rid of her because, like any shiny new toy, she was losing her sparkle, becoming worn and unable to hold anyone's attention?
But he had called her a friend, had he not? Maybe he had been only saying that to make her soft, to make her like him and, damn the prick, he had.
Her tongue felt stuck to the roof of her mouth as she tried to regain herself, not wanting to let the silence drag on or the moment pass. Perhaps, perhaps she had misconstrued, maybe she was having one of those moments again where she was being stupid and couldn't understand. "I'm… amusing?"
"Yeah, definitely," Sirius clarified, hands in the pockets of his jeans. He didn't even seem to take care of his own words leaving his mouth. Who needed to care about what to say when you were Sirius Black, when you had crowds of people who liked you, loved you, adored you? "You're much better to be around instead of having to suffer through class or lunch alone."
"So, that's… that's it? I'm something to amuse you?" Emilia further asked, trying to ignore the way something was clenching around her heart and she pressed her hand to her chest, as if she meant to reach in behind her ribs and free the organ from whatever was constraining it, from hurting it.
To him, she was a last resort to being alone, that at least her presence could keep him company because no one else was around. A last ditch effort, the final straw, his only choice – maybe she should be flattered that he only sought her out to save himself from being alone but her empathy could not stretch that far. That was what he saw her as: that when he had no one else, at least her could turn to her.
The embers that had been burning in the bottom of her stomach starting to smoke, burning up and leaving her face turning brighter, warmer and she felt as if smoke was clouding her lungs and her mind as she tried to calm her breathing because, damn it, she would not let this boy make her upset. Emilia swallowed past the lump squeezing her throat as she stared at Sirius, ignoring how wet her eyes were and how shallow each gulp of air was.
Sirius gave a nod at her words, confirming what she had said to be true and the floor went out from under her.
She only had herself to blame.
"Precisely! I couldn't have said it better my…" He finally turned around to face her, that stupid grin on his face, bright and glowing and like every morning sun, it began to droop, falling and leaving him with an almost concerned expression and Emilia knew he could see the dew in her eyes, the splotched red cheeks. She never had been a pretty crier. Emilia watched as his thoughts played out on his face the longer he stared at her, before realisation caught up with him but by that point Emilia had had enough and she didn't want to be out in the open. "I've said something wrong, haven't I?"
He said it in a defeated tone, a groan almost as if Sirius was only just realising his own mouth was actually attached to him and what came out of it was being spoken by him.
Emilia couldn't do this, not now, not here, she could feel tidal waves crashing against her ribs and any moment now that would burst out and she really did not want to embarrass herself more than she already did.
Emilia stalked past Sirius, fists swinging at her side with one hand clutching her book, nails ripping into the fragile paperback as she made a beeline for the stairs towards the Gryffindor Tower, the feeling of wanting to kick herself in the arse steadily rising.
She was such an idiot, of course he only thought of her as something as fancy as a toy and she supposed she should be grateful he even looked at her in the first place because anyone who talked to her would have found pulling teeth to be more appealing.
Emilia felt utterly stupid, positively humiliated beyond the degree she had felt that morning back in September when he had dropped orange juice on her; how could she had let herself fall for such an act? She had been so stupid to think he actually liked being around her or talking to her and Emilia just knew his friends were laughing about how boring she was and how talking to her was like talking to a piece of wet cardboard.
She could hear his rushing foot falls behind her, trying to catch up but just like the words past his mouth, there was no trying to reel her back.
"Emilia! Emilia, wait!" Sirius called out but she paid him no heed, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into bed and beat herself over the head for being such an idiot. One of her swinging fists was caught and her next step was pulled back, nearly toppling her altogether as Sirius took a hold of her. "For someone with such short legs, you walk really fast."
Emilia tried not to snarl as she ripped her wrist from his hand, ignoring how warm his hand was and how it left a lingering burn in her skin, not nearly as fiery as what was coursing through her veins. She might have believed the look on his face if it were any way true. Her heart felt too big for her chest and her lungs were becoming smaller and smaller, condensed behind her fragile bones that left her feeling as if they were piercing her, bleeding. "Piss off and leave me alone."
She made a move to walk away again, praying and hoping Sirius would just take the fucking hint and leave her alone but he stepped in front of her, hands outstretched and hovering over her arms, not quite touching but ready to grab her should she tried to make an escape. Emilia tried side stepping but he mirrored her and refused to let her leave from in front of him. "Listen, Emilia, please, I didn't mean to say it like that."
Had Emilia not known better, she might have said the tone in his voice might have been desperation but all it did was make her scoff, the noise sounding weak and not as spiteful as she wanted it to. Emilia couldn't even look him in the eyes, staring off with a hard gaze into the distance, begging that no one would come across them.
Last thing she needed was for everyone to laugh at how she looked when she was upset.
"Yes you did, you absolutely did mean to say it like that. I'm not even a person to you, just something to keep your attention when your friends aren't around." She ignored the waver in her voice, wincing at it inwardly.
"No, that's not it at all," Sirius said hastily, shaking his head and his curls followed the movement and he took the chance to put his hands on Emilia's arms, not even caring she tried to jump away because the last thing she needed, wanted, was for him to touch her and he forced her to look at him in the eyes, moving in front of her vision and Emilia was trying not to be surrounded by all that silver that reeked of faux regret. "You're misunderstanding me, it just came out all wrong."
"No, it didn't. You said you didn't lie," Emilia hissed, teeth carving her words into knives that she hoped would hurt him, wrenching herself away from him and ignoring the waver in her voice, the way her lip was wobbling and she never really was the best at confrontation, fearing that any second she might burst into tears and draw attention to her. "You say you don't want to be seen as a bad person, but… but you don't even see me as a person! You... you didn't even see me as a friend."
Her words were choked coming out of her but Emilia would be damned if she ever cried in front of Sirius Black.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair, sounding frustrated, or maybe annoyed, Emilia wasn't sure and she didn't care all that much. "Emilia, please, would you just listen to me? I'm sorry, alright? It just came out wrong, you know how I'm not great at this kind of shite."
"To be quite frank, Sirius," Emilia choked out, unsure of what was strangling her heart in her chest that made it ache so much. He stared at her, grey eyes darting around her face and she hated the tingle in her eyes, that he would be able to see it and a sharp breath cut through her, slicing through that lump in her throat. "That sounds like a you problem."
Without staying a moment longer as Emilia didn't think she could stand to bear being around him like this, she turned on her heel, hands curled at her sides and trying desperately to ignore the need to cry as it swelled like a balloon in her chest, smothering her heart completely until it burst and she was left scrubbing her eyes to catch the tears before they could fall.
hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!
Katamara: aofeajoifea so sorry abt last week! i unintentionally uploaded the chapter bc my brain is too smooth and i wasn't thinking so i hope you got to actually read the last update, and this one too!
megancl99: [starts sweating] ye...ah... so slight snag in the road to friendship but! i promise it's going to be easily resolved by way of ~angst~ jifoejia emilia just has really bad social development skills and like her worst fear of being used was kinda confirmed so we cant really blame her for over reacting and becoming upset, can we? (no we cant she's my baby and she deserves the world and MORE)
OryxGreen: faoiefjao thank you so so so much! i love writing abt hogwarts and making it feel like a home and as this story progresses we're going to see more of hogwarts and even more students (hello marauders and lily evans shenanigans) as emilia grows too! im glad u enjoyed and your reviews always brighten up my day!
Momochan77: i love subtle and "platonic" flirting sm and im glad u did too! im just a sucker for the slow build and the "wait when did this stop being platonic" realisation! im so glad you enjoyed and i hope u continue to support this story!
Radioactive59: adoiewjiodj thank you so so so so MUCH! omg it literally means the world to me to have read your review! sirius and emilia are the definition of being smart but then having one braincell when theyre together theyre just so stupid i love them sm 3 and thank you so much for not only supporting this story, but leaving such a lovely review that really made my day! you dont understand how much it means to me to get the notif of a review and reading something so kind and amazing! i hope you continue to love and support this story as much as i do!
jjkrainy: faioenjfioae thank u sm! emilia is so smart but honestly shes so dumb at times [gestures vaguely to this chapter]
Ilovashandquinn: omg you dont know how ur review brightened up MY whole week when reading it! it literally makes my heart fit to explode reading such kind reviews and i dont know where i would b without u guys! i really hope that i continue to impress with this story!
LoveFicction.2021: thank you so much! and also: sirius pov is legit coming next week! i plan on doing a lot of povs from other characters but emilia will always be the main one; so far i have a few james and a remus pov's planned out but they will be wayyyyyy down the line. might do a lily one and a mcgonagall one too! but those are very up in the air so i cant make solid promises on the latter two happening.
JC the Hobbit: thank u so much! i hope u enjoy this chapter as well!
HisLordFluffiness: honestly me and emilia are so different because whereas i am no think just vibing she is over thinking everything and not having any good vibes at any given moment. i dont wanna spoil it too much but i def like to write emilia as a "what if" for sirius - what if he didnt have any friends, what if he did have james and peter and remus and what if he continued to live in a toxic environment at home. emilia is kind of an example of someone who wasnt as lucky as sirius - wasn't lucky to have friends or be as outgoing and charismatic or lucky to get out of a toxic home (not abusive like sirius' was but toxic nonetheless). so like while theyre both not open about it, they also subconsciously can connect to each other because of it - emilia becoming more outgoing as a result of (but not solely because of) sirius while he... well i'm not going to spoil it because that's next week's chapter! i'm glad you enjoyed! i really love watching marauders banter and there's going to be a lot more of it and them in the future!
emilia,,, sweetheart,,,,,,,,,, sirius,,,, u dumb...,,,, mf,,,... it hurts,,,,,,,
normally i would hate the miscommunication trope but considering how sirius did mean what he said (but in a non-mean way) meant that it could easily be misconstrued by emilia into having her worst fear confirmeda
also next week: sirius' pov and we'll finally get to see his TRUE intentions behind everything (side eye emoji)
song of choice while writing: traitor by olivia rodrigo (i swear i listen to other music beside olivia rodrigo)
Thanks for reading!