I do not own any characters or places unless stated otherwise.

Don't forget to leave a favourite, follow and review!

chapter seventeen.

Emilia soon realised that she must not have been in control of her emotions after calming down as she initially thought she was, trying to keep herself together and not let her emotions slip out, because as soon as Madam Pomfrey saw her red, puffy eyes and blotched face, she stated that Emilia did not have to return for the second half of Potions or return to class before lunch.

For that, Emilia would be eternally grateful to the healer as she really didn't fancy the idea of having to walk around the castle with clear indications of having cried clear on her face for all to see.

She also had not wanted to leave Sirius by himself. Emilia was sure he would find a way to hurt himself and prolong his stay in the infirmary, otherwise.

The nurse's one request – or rather, demand – had been that they both try to keep the sound levels to a bare minimum, something which became an impossible promise to keep as Sirius had decided for some unknown reason to make it his life's mission to make Emilia laugh as loud as possible at risk of her being dragged out by the scruff of her neck.

He had nearly succeeded when he told Emilia about the time that he, Peter and James, sans Remus, managed to slip the entire Slytherin Quidditch team some less than kind laxatives before their big match with Hufflepuff in Fourth Year.

Laxatives of the Muggle kind were already bad enough, Emilia scrunched her nose and tried not to picture how bad it would have been after they consumed the fast acting, magic kind that were all the rage with older witches all across Britain who were desperate to try and regain their youthful figure.

Despite him purposely going out of his way to annoy and laugh at her, Emilia was drowning in the relief she felt at how Sirius didn't seem to be in pain, though she wasn't entirely sure if he was truly alright or if he was simply pretending that nothing was bothering him. He had told Pomfrey he had a high pain tolerance, and Emilia thought they were alike in that aspect.

Though, she realised, at least on her end, it was more so because she had grown up with having to deal with a lot of unnoticed bruises that she used to be able to blame on her habit for climbing trees and chasing cats.

More than once, her eyes drifted to the soft, baby pink scar on Sirius' arm that was melting into the dark beige of his own skin, looking tender but not entirely fragile as it had been due to Pomfrey's tentative care and watchful eye. In fact, it was looking better than it had been the previous hour, putting Emilia's worries about it leaving a mark to rest.

Sirius had tried poking at it on one occasion, just to see what would happen if he did before Emilia chastised him.

"What do you think will happen, Sirius?" she had asked him.

He gave a shrug, giving her a flash of his straight, white teeth. "Dunno. Something cool?"

She nearly was tempted to sit on his bloody hand to stop him from fidgeting with the wound and bursting it open again until Sirius wound the hand of his uninjured arm back into hers again without her even realising; he told Emilia it was a protective measure, that she was acting as a block in for his impulse control that he seemed to lack.

A thought so brief, so short lived Emilia wondered if it even happened at all, passed through her mind, pondering if maybe Sirius was just looking for an excuse to hold her hand since that was what always happened in books, but then the thought was dashed from her mind because this wasn't a book and she had laughed at herself inwardly.

Sirius was just most likely still trying to push away the lingering agony that was a phantom burning up in his arm and Emilia knew that, to a lot of people, there was comfort to be found in touching other people, in holding them and being held in return, and since she was the only here, Sirius didn't really have many other options to choose from on who he wanted to fill that role.

So, she stayed right through the second half of Potions and Madam Pomfrey tore open the curtain, making Emilia jump as the nurse promised her in passing that she would speak to Slughorn later to explain her absence, talking through her work as she examined Sirius' arm once more before giving herself a self satisfied nod.

Emilia thought she couldn't be even more grateful to the nurse, offering a meek 'thank you' and missing the way the old healer's eyes darted from Sirius and to the girl whose hand he was currently gripping onto with a vice like hold, not noticing how Sirius tossed Pomfrey a bright smile at her words before the nurse turned heel and drew close the curtains once more.

With no other class to follow after double Potions, Emilia instead elected to remain at Sirius' beside.

Quite literally.

She had taken off her shoes to save the sheets getting dirty with one leg tucked under the other that was dangling off of the edge, swinging back and forth as she sat on Sirius' bed, his legs under the sheets pressed up against her thigh; he sat with his spine straight against the metal bars of the headboard, neck lent back and pillow doing little to cushion his spine against the uncomfortable position and Emilia wondered if he was purposely sitting as such as a way to fight against the drowsiness that was sneaking up on him

His grey eyes seemed to storming more, glazy and half lidded but he had not yet told Emilia to leave so he could rest, and when she had gotten up to shift position, Sirius had pulled her back down, thinking that she might decide to go.

So, Emilia was left with no choice but to sit at his bedside, watching his sleepy face try and stay awake.

It was almost cute.

"Here's hoping Poppy or ol' Dumbledore doesn't send a letter back home to my mum and dad. Last thing I need is for them to be up my arse about this," he grumbled to Emilia, biting back a yawn as he took to looking at his arm once more, admiring at how it was healing so fast already.

His words piqued her Emilia's interested, mirroring him as she inspected the scar from afar, glad that it was taken on a baby pink colour, as if he had gotten a bad sunburn. "You don't want them to worry?"

Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes and a laugh left his mouth but it did not sound kind, dripping with a heavy leaden bitterness that eroded his words into something sharp, making Emilia suppress a wince when he spoke. "Hardly, as if. We don't talk anymore. Haven't for nearly two years."

Emilia wasn't sure what to say that; she wasn't going to poke and prod him for more information, she would hardly like if someone did the same to her.

Instead, she moved her eyes to his face, at the darkness glooming at the edges of his features, a shadow over his eyes and a frown tugging at his mouth.

Whatever it was he was remembering, it clearly wasn't pleasant.

"Oh." It was all Emilia could offer up, not wanting to annoy Sirius by fishing for what was eating away at him.

He blinked thrice, shaking himself of the turn of mood that had taken over him and looked at Emilia and he looked somewhat sheepish, the light laugh leaving him this time not as angry or worn with an age old resentment that was as sour as any wine that would have burnt a hole through him.

Sirius seemed… awkward, embarrassed almost. "Sorry, that was a bit weird to blurt out, wasn't it?"

"No, it wasn't weird," Emilia replied instantly, shaking her head and Sirius gazed up at her through the dark fan of his lashes, the grey peeking up and he appeared to be more alert than he had the previous hour. Maybe it had been a slip of the tongue on his part, to tell Emilia such a secretive piece of himself and she didn't want to make him any more uncomfortable than he seemed to be. "I didn't know you don't talk to your family."

The tension in his shoulders slipped away, making them drop and Sirius rested his head over the edge of the metal head of the bed, chin tilted up towards the ceiling and Emilia could spy that inch more of skin beneath his collar that appeared paler to the rest of him.

"Yeah, well, I don't exactly make it big news," he murmured, a stressed sigh escaping at the ends of his sentence, keeping his voice low enough so that no one else in the infirmary might catch onto what he was saying and throw it around for other people to know. Emilia didn't blame for Sirius for not wanting everyone to know everything about him, she liked having pieces of herself to be just for her. "Don't need everyone knowing my business than what they already know."

She hummed, looking down at their hands, at how her fingers were becoming numb but the heat of his skin against her own was burning her entire arm up; chewing on what to say for a moment, Emilia decided to take a risk in taking that step further.

A part of her, one that was becoming harder to ignore, wanted to know more about Sirius and there was little else that she could do than try and quench its insatiable thirst. "Don't you have a brother in sixth year?"

"Yeah," Sirius responded and Emilia thought that would be the end of it; it wasn't exactly a secret that Sirius had a brother in sixth year, especially when he was almost the spitting image of his older brother save for the sharper features, the thinner frame and how his eyes were a lot colder than Sirius'. Emilia wondered if that was how Sirius would be if he wasn't just so… inexplicitly him, so carefree and joyful but when she looked at him, it didn't fit him. The most natural thing about Sirius, next to his beauty, was his smile. Emilia was nearly startled when Sirius spoke again, pulling her from her thoughts. "He's kind of filled my place and become the perfect son to them now, all Slytherin and hating anyone who doesn't have magic or is Muggle born."

That drew Emilia up short, her mouth parting to suck in a sharp breath that cut straight through to her lungs. "What?"

He looked to Emilia, pulling his head up and looking briefly confused at Emilia's shock before what he had said caught up to him and understanding flitted over his face. "Oh, right, so it turns out that just because I don't think anything who isn't a pureblood should be sent to the gallows it means that I'm a huge disappointment to my family."

Sirius' reveal left Emilia reeling in more ways than one; on one hand, she was coping with the fact that Sirius' family were those kind of wizards and on the other, he had actually told her of his own volition.

In her excitement that he had told her this small secret of his, the other side of her was trying to comprehend the information itself; she hadn't realised that he had come from that kind of pureblood family, that his parents probably would look at her as if she were worse than the dirt that clung to the soles of their feet and spit at her, hissing mudblood all the while.

It wasn't as if she didn't know these kinds of people existed, the whisperings in the dark shadows of the Wizarding world were evidence of that – of Dark Lords, of his pureblood followers and their fanatical beliefs regarding the inferiority of Muggle-born and Muggles.

But it had always seemed to be… over there.

Far from Emilia, from Hogwarts.

At school, the talk of such things seemed to be so far away and never touched Emilia and she looked at Sirius, tried to think of him growing up like that, at being subjected to such talk and beliefs and how, despite the conditioning, he was there, his hand entwined in hers as she sat in his bed.

Was his brother the same? Whenever she got a look at him, he seemed to cling to the shadows the same way a lot of those blood purists did and whatever similarity between the two she had tried to interconnect seemed to fizzle away; she didn't even think of the possibility that Sirius might have swallowed his parents' words once and, in another world, might have spat them right back out at her.

Sirius Black wasn't anything like the monsters that were out in the world, wanting to see to the subjugating of people like her.

"Oh. That's…" Emilia breathed, everything escaping her in a rush of air as she tried to find the right thing to say; maybe a sorry or expressing sympathies at the dissolution of his family ties but nothing could come up. "They really don't talk to you because of that?"

Sirius gave a bark, scoffing and he sucked on his teeth, a hardness gracing his eyes, making the grey all the more like stone. "More like I don't talk to them because of that."

Emilia couldn't put fault with his decision. "Right."

She let the conversation rock and then fall off, not really having anything else of substance to say since she didn't want to push Sirius in hopes he would say more; if he wanted to, he would and there was no point in trying him. Emilia sat in the silence for a few, lingering moments before Sirius' eyes were on her again, and there was a tightness in them, as if he was waiting for her to say something else or maybe he was not pleased with what she had already said to him.

Worry began to eat Emilia up from the inside as Sirius continued in his staring at her, making Emilia shift, ignoring how her dead leg tucked under her began to tingle and his face was completely indiscernible; maybe he was annoyed she had asked anything to begin with and Emilia cursed at herself for not keeping her gob shut, ducked her head to break the stare.

Eventually, a tight exhale left Sirius making Emilia look up and he seemed… puzzled. "Aren't you going to tell me that they're my family and that I should try and get them to change, blah, blah, blah, all that shite talk?"

At this, Emilia's head tilted to the side, eyebrows pulling together and not quite sure if she was hearing Sirius right, but as the last echo of his words dripped away, she realised that he had been genuine in this question and it made her all the more confused for it.

He was annoyed because… she wasn't inserting herself or her opinion? "Why would I? It's not my place to."

He still seemed somewhat displeased at this. "Don't you think blood is thicker than water?"

Emilia's voice was stolen from her at Sirius' prompt, teeth catching her tongue to stop herself from saying something silly; the longer she looked, the more she began to realise that Sirius wasn't annoyed at her, but the bitterness was from something else, something older than their brief friendship.

Emilia knew from experience that people's first reaction to hearing about family problems is that they needed to work through it or get over it because you only had one family on this earth, but Emilia was inclined to disagree.

She didn't see why blood was even that important to begin with; her own relations didn't seem to care a great deal for her, or each other for that mattered – to them, being around each other were chores and burdens that were necessary to upkeep the image of being a good family from the outside while it was crumbling from the inside.

It had made Emilia sick, at her grandmother's resentful words on her deathbed, at her aunt's snide remarks about Emilia's mother and her own mother's hate towards Emilia's father. If anger and hatred was what they wanted bred in Emilia, then they definitely managed to plant the seeds of it well enough for it to flourish.

Sirius didn't seem hateful or as full anger, she wondered how he managed to do it. Or maybe he was just good at keeping it all simmering beneath the surface. Emilia's own was buried six feet under, skeletons in her dark, dank closet that were waiting to jump out and drag her in with them.

"No. Some people are lucky to have a good family, and others… aren't. You shouldn't just force forgiveness because someone is family," Emilia explained, not having the courage to look at Sirius straight in the eyes while doing so in fear she would stumble over her words and fall short of what she wanted to say. "Besides, it's not as if they aren't grown adults who can't think for themselves and they clearly believe what they believe. It isn't your job to raise your parents."

She forced her voice to a stop lest she let anything else slip and her mouth glued itself shut in an instant, teeth clamping down on her tongue once more as she began to fear that she not only stepped over the line, but practically catapulted herself so far beyond it that she wasn't able to see it anymore.

A low whistle left Sirius and she chanced a glance at him to gauge his reaction but nowhere did anger or fury linger on his features, instead there was a gleam dancing in his eyes, sparkling and teasing her.

"Wow."

Emilia flushed a dark pink colour. "Sorry, I – I didn't mean to overstep."

"No, you're just… the first person to actually put into words like that," he huffed and whatever lightness in his eyes that had appeared seem to drift away. "So many people have always told me that I only have one family and I should forgive them even if they would hate everyone I'm friends with."

"Really?" She already knew he was speaking the truth. People always said she had to love her family regardless of what kind of people they were. Was love meant to be so blind that you would ignore the kind of person they were entirely? Emilia thought that was counteractive; in all her books, love was done in the face of flaws and in spite of them, not ignorance.

"Gets annoying after a while. The next person to say that is getting boils all over their face."

"I'm glad I didn't say that then," she said, glad that he seemed to be in a lighter mood. Sometimes it was difficult dealing with how quickly Sirius could switch the flip on his emotions but Emilia thought she was getting better at it. "Not that I would."

"I don't know, I think you would be able to pull off boils all over your face," Sirius joked, looking at her through a narrowed gaze as if he was trying to picture the very image of Emilia covered with boils all over her face and she reached a free hand to pat her cheeks just to make sure there were none popping up in an instance. "You know, you should become one of those Muggle healers who help people out with their emotions and stuff."

She paused in inspecting her face, dropping her hand. "You mean a therapist?"

"That's it!"

"I don't think so," Emilia muttered, the thought of her being a therapist to anyone was almost as laughable as it was horrifying. She would probably cause suicide rates to go up if she ever tried her hand at it. "I've never wanted to be one, and I don't think I'd be very good at it."

He gave a hum, clicking his tongue as if he wanted to disagree but would not speak more on the matter. "What do you want to be?"

The question made Emilia blanch, suppressing a shudder at the mere mention of it; the realisation she was closer to adulthood than her own childhood was a harder pill to swallow than she had initially thought, remember a time when she wanted nothing more than to be a grownup. Now it felt like she was chasing her childhood that was slipping from her fingertips. "I have another year before I'm out in the real world. I don't want to start worrying about that just yet."

"I want to be an Auror," Sirius said suddenly, eyes looking far away, as if he was imagining the mere possibility it becoming true happening just before him. His voice was wispy, dreamlike as he was enraptured by the vision. "Me and James both. Moony wants to be a teacher. Pete's like you, doesn't know what he wants to do. He's good at drawing, could apply to the Daily Prophet and do them little comic strips they do. Strange to think we have to start thinking about our future now."

That was exactly the problem for Emilia; she despised the thought of having decide the rest of her life in a matters month at such an age where she still felt afraid of the dark. Pushing the stress of it all from her mind, Emilia only offered up a nervous hum of agreement.

She supposed for people Sirius, people always so confident, he would never have to doubt about what he wanted – he would just go for it and not be deterred. Emilia envied him in that aspect. "The future is a problem for future me."

"Exactly. It's annoying with adults and teachers on our backs asking what we want to do with the rest of our lives. I barely can put my socks on in the morning."

Emilia let out a laugh at that. "To think, you'll be keeping the Wizarding world safe in the future."

"I'm sure that's not a horror I want to put on anyone," he agreed solemnly.

"You'll be mature and an adult by then."

Sirius pulled a face at that, scrunching his features up and letting out a groan at Emilia's words. "Ugh, don't remind me."

She tried quashing the smile that was tugging at her lips but his reaction made it impossible to try and not poke fun at Sirius. "No more pranks."

"Oh please, there'll always be time for that," he snorted with a roll of his eyes. "We need to have some fun in our lives when we're old and can't walk without a stick."

"You'll always be a menace to society."

"They'll wish Hogwarts never let me go," Sirius sighed and Emilia agreed internally; the day that Sirius Black would be let out free into the world, there was no hope for it. She could imagine him causing all kinds of havoc and chaos if he were to ever become an Auror as was his dream; maybe make an explosion or two like he had with the boys' bathroom in Third Year. "Isn't it weird to think that we won't be coming back next year? I mean, for seven years we've been coming here and then next year, we won't."

Another thought that made Emilia's tummy do tumbles and threaten to upheave her breakfast on Sirius' lap. Out of all things, this was the one that Emilia had forced from her mind on many occasions, trying her best to just enjoy the moment instead of letting it be tainted by her fears and concern of what was to follow after said moment.

Her throat felt tight, dryness clinging to her mouth as her words became stuck . "Yeah, it's… it's scary."

It's all she can choke out as she tried not to let her mood to be dragged down by the mere possibility of life after Hogwarts; she always thought about it in very broad terms, the bare bones of a plan that was still deconstructed without any wholeness to it – she thought about finishing at Hogwarts, going back to Muggle school, moving out, finishing Muggle school and then…

And then what?

Life seemed endless after that and so were its opportunities and everything could change in the blink of an eye.

Emilia found herself fiddling with Sirius' hand unconsciously, taking in the lines of his palm, the pads of her fingers finding the dents in his hands from age old, worn scars that never healed right and the roughness of his skin that caught against her own soft ones.

Her hands were still healing from where she would pick at the skin around her nails but the only scars that she had had been from paper cuts that were just the millimetre too deep or too thick; Sirius' were worn from playing Quidditch but there were slender, long nimble things that she wondered how he had not broken any of his fingers from swinging the bat as was his job as Beater.

Her fidgeting didn't seem to bother him and Sirius seemed off in a world of his own and Emilia glad for it as she did not want him to see the depth of her fear for what was to come once June came and went for them; this time next year, they would be gone from these halls and they probably wouldn't even be talking anymore. It left Emilia feeling quite ill at the thought, that their friendship could have a time limit and the clock was ticking ever onwards.

"Do you think we'll still be talking by then?" He spoke out of the blue, startling Emilia as her head lifted once more.

"What?"

He turned to her, his grey eyes difficult to read, like storming clouds and she felt in the eye of it, in the calm of so much chaos. "Us. Do you think we'll still be friends?"

She took an inaudible gulp to sooth how achingly dry her throat felt and as she held his stare, Emilia felt her heart trip over itself, a sudden stutter in her chest that left her having to take a sudden gasp of air. "I'm… I haven't thought about."

Emilia couldn't tell why she had lied to him about it, about how she did think about it and how it made her stomach and chest hurt over the possibility that they would go back to being strangers again, only this time with knowing too much about one another.

But part of Emilia was terrified to say yes, to tell him the truth because what if he laughed at her? Sirius wouldn't be so cruel, but her brain never was capable of rational thinking once her emotions got the better of her and guilt began to swarm her for letting herself be carried away over the idea of Sirius even trying to be anyways mean to her.

She wanted to say yes, that she wanted to, that she would love that more than anything but the words were lodged in the bottom of her throat, piling up on one another to the point they were an incomprehensible mess of pure nothing that even she couldn't make sense of.

Sirius nodded his head silently and Emilia cringed inwardly at the action, worried what she had said was not the right thing to say but Sirius gave no indication that it was or not, a thoughtful expression on his features.

She peered up at him, still and trying not to breathe in case she should miss whatever he had on his mind, watching how his head tilted against the back of the bed, his curls spilling at the action, the dark strands catching on the light and making it appear purple under this cold hue of the sun.

Then his eyes were holding her in place and now Emilia held her breath for a different reason. "I want us to. Do you?"

Sirius' admission left her stunned due to causes unbeknownst to her and she wondered if he could feel how her hands were beginning to clam up because he had to feel it, if not her hands then he would clearly see how her face was taking on the same colour as her aunt's rouge that she never left the house without.

"Yes, I…" Emilia began, her voice sounding much softer and delicate than it usually was and the warmth from Sirius' hand was going straight to her cheeks, as if he was holding her there. "That would be nice."

"With Christmas coming up, you'll have to give me your address so I can write you," he stated, quite pleased with himself.

"How do I know you won't be sending me Stink Bombs instead?" she asked, trying to push down the heat in her cheeks and act as if she hadn't had such a reaction to what Sirius had said.

"On my honour and integrity as a Gryffindor, I would never abuse the mail system like that!" Sirius insisted, raising his voice an octave and putting the hand of his free, previously injured arm to the spot over his heart but the action made him wince, as if suddenly recalling why it was he was lying in bed in the infirmary and he dropped it.

An amused gust left Emilia as she quirked her eyebrows at his proclamation. "Oh, I'm sure you're as innocent as they come."

A sneer carved itself across Sirius' mouth, splitting and showing his straight, white teeth and he gave Emilia a wink, a disastrous thing to occur as Emilia was back to once more trying to stop her face from heating up from the action. Now she understood why so many girls and boys were always the same colour of ripe cherries whenever they were around Sirius. "You know me so well."

She opened her mouth to reply Sirius' questionable statement when a sudden bang exploded around the infirmary, the sound sending Emilia's heart leaping and her mind racing, unconsciously gripping Sirius' hand to the point his bones were under threat of breaking.

Emilia pushed aside the ringing in her ears, desperately not wanting another mishap to occur as she grounded herself to the feel of Sirius' hand in hers as he pulled himself up in bed, trying to peer around her to see through the gap in order to find out what was happening. He was sitting closer now, his breath just about gracing the bare skin of her neck as she craned it back to take a look out into the hall of the infirmary.

Through the small gap between the closed curtains that surrounded Sirius' bed, Emilia could spot an out of breath, haggard looking James Potter with an equally out of breath Remus Lupin and a bright, scarlet face Peter Pettigrew.

"Where is he?" James wheezed as he stood straight all the while Remus stood with his hands on his knees and Peter looking close to throwing up a lung. "Where is my darling, injured boy?"

Emilia gawped at them, realising they must have run all the way to the infirmary from whatever class they had to visit Sirius, the very same boy who now cursed at them and was muttering that they were going to get kicked out. Madam Pomfrey could be heard hushing and chastising them to be mindful of other students all the while all three boys remained unaware at how Emilia and Sirius could quite clearly see them from behind the gap in the drawn curtains.

The two watched as Pomfrey was wringing out James' ear as Remus and Peter began to peek in through the curtains of other beds, sometimes being met with a shocked squeak of surprise at the sudden intrusion and it was far too late until Emilia froze with the realisation they were looking for Sirius while Pomfrey was distracted and once they did find him, they would find her too.

In his bed.

Holding his hand.

She wondered if steam was coming out of her ears.

Emilia whirled back to Sirius, about to clamber off the bed in an effort to save from dignity but was stopped when she realised how close he was, peering over her shoulder and turning his eyes from the chaos occurring outside of their little bubble and turning to her, leaving her breath stalling in her chest, a sudden stop that left her aching for more air but she couldn't seem to breathe.

Emilia's eyes were wide but it seemed she couldn't take in enough of his face as he lifted his free hand to press a finger to his lips, trying to hear James making half arsed apologies to Madam Pomfrey and saying they would be really respectful and quiet, honest, you know me, Madam Pomfrey, I would never do anything to get me in trouble! That made Sirius scoff in disbelief, looking to Emilia as if to say 'you believe this guy?' but she couldn't even crack a smile as she remained frozen.

Did Sirius always have eleven freckles that begun under his left eye and burst across his nose to end beneath the right, like tiny constellations she felt she could make shapes out of forever?

Emilia was ripped from these intrusive thoughts by a sound from behind them, Sirius' eyes snapping to behind her and Emilia nearly broke her spine in half as she turned, eyes itching from not blinking and becoming watery but just about making out the sight of Remus Lupin having torn open the curtains, the grin on his face falling away to something Emilia knew was pure, unadulterated shock.

It seemed after testing the universe so many times, it was finally about time for someone to walk in on such an easily misconstrued scenario.

She couldn't imagine what was running through Remus' head at the sight of Emilia practically laying on Sirius' bed, sitting right up against him and his green eyes turned wide as they darted back and forth between the minimal space between Emilia and Sirius to their enclosed hands.

Emilia's mouth opened to splutter out an excuse but before she could, the sandy haired boy drew close the curtains again with a jolt, nearly ripping them off their rings and Emilia took the moment to pull her hand from Sirius (who let go with seemingly great reluctance) as she tried shoving her shoes back on her feet, squashing the heel of the leather as she planted herself back down into the seat again.

Her heart was racing like mad, fit to explode in her chest and she couldn't bear to look up at Sirius as she tried to fix herself up, hoping her face still wasn't puffy from crying and smoothing down her hair, brushing it behind her ear and sitting still just in time as the curtains were torn open once more and in burst a mossy mop of dark, black hair that threw itself at Sirius.

"Padfoot!" James called out, not hesitating to fling himself at the bedridden boy and wrapping his arms around him, not caring that he might suffocate him. "You bastard, from the way everyone was going on, I thought you died, and if you had died, I would have killed you!"

Sirius let out a choked around, arms wrapping around James and trying to pat him on the back. "Can't. Breathe. You're too heavy."

"Oh, my darling baby Padfoot, I was so worried, I couldn't even think straight during Runes! Don't worry, I'm here for you now," James blubbered, stroking Sirius' hair as if he were some pet and smothering him against his chest, ignoring Sirius' protests at being held. Emilia watched the scene, heart calming down as Sirius wrapped his arms around the black haired boy's back, pulling him closer to him, a frown on James' mouth as he left out a nervous laugh. "Sirius, Sirius you're holding on too tight."

Sirius popped his head up from James' hold and he had that untrusty worthy grin on his face, holding James even closer to him. "Don't fight it, Prongs. I can't help it, you're just too soft."

"Sirius, my back," James croaked, trying to tear himself free but finding no success in doing so, his voice becoming a wheeze. "You're breaking my back!"

"Shhh, don't say anything, don't waste any energy," Sirius crooned, resting his head against his friend as said boy began to struggle to free himself from Sirius' hold. Emilia placed a hand to her mouth to stop herself from letting out a laugh. "Just let yourself drift off. I'll cradle you while you sleep."

James gave a very unamused smack to the top of Sirius' head. "Gerroff, you prick."

Remus reached forward and pinched Sirius on the arm, making him yelp and forcing him to let go of James, whose collar Remus promptly took hold of to tug him from the former. "Enough, Sirius."

"I can't help it!" Sirius pouted, rubbing the place Remus had pinched, nursing it. "He's just so soft that I couldn't think straight, it's like some motherly instinct to baby him!"

James gave a scoff, rubbing his back as he cast Sirius a displeased look. "Some mother you are, nearly went and suffocated your one and only son."

Sirius gave a shrug, leaning back into his bed. Emilia sat wringing her hands in her lap, trying to ignore how cold they felt at that moment and wondering if she could make a quick escape instead of sitting like a lump in the corner, intruding on their conversation. "I can always make more."

"As if anyone would want to do that willingly with you," James muttered but none too quietly, and Sirius' eyes sharpened when looking to his friend.

"Yeah, just go and tell Poppy that she might as well make up a bed for you because once I get out of here – "

"Hi, Emilia."

It was Peter that spoke Emilia, turned to her and she hadn't realised he had been staring at her, probably trying to catch her eye in order to greet Emilia but she had been so busy staring at the other three and planning her daring getaway that she must not have realised he had been paying attention to her. At least the smile on his seemed friendly enough and the sight of it calmed Emilia down slightly.

Emilia had jumped at his sudden words and all other pair of eyes swivel to her, making Emilia's skin prickle and a nasty taste start to climb up from the bottom of her throat but she kept her eyes on Peter, hands taking to fidgeting with the hem of her skirt as she pushed down her nerves. "Hi, Peter."

"What are you doing here?" James asked suddenly, hazel eyes glued to her sitting form with confusion and the query made Emilia's throat close up, voice escaping her as she bundled up the material of her skirt into her palms, forcing herself to not back down under his questioning gaze.

She meant to just give a vague answer but Sirius seemed to jump ahead of her and he had no qualms about reaching across and thumping his friend right in the stomach, causing James to let out a wheeze as he cradled the spot that had been hit. "Watch it, you prat."

From beneath the curtain of his black mop of hair, James face was wrought with bewilderment. "I only asked a question."

Sirius shot a look over to Emilia as if to ask her if she could believe his friend's stupidity but she didn't say anything. "And my hand only slipped. Oops, look, there it goes again."

James did not succeed in dodging another hit to his chest. With these reflexes, Emilia wondered how the boy ever managed to make Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. "Ouch! Stop it!"

"Oh no, I can't control it! It's going crazy! It's like it has a mind of its own!" Sirius claimed, trying to get his fist to land on any part of his friend that would leave with different birthmarks of bruises like on the skin of a peach. Emilia was glad that Sirius was no longer in the dour mood he had been and he seemed more like himself, the smile on his face beaming.

"Remus, make him stop!" James whined, turning to his other friend for help.

Said boy gave a roll of green eyes, the smears of exhaustion beneath his eyes more prominent as he looked ready to join in on the fun with Sirius of playfully hitting James. "Make him stop yourself, honestly, I'm not your mother."

"Evidently, because if you were, you'd tell him to stop," James griped, glaring at Sirius who looked far too smug with himself.

"Make me," Sirius spat back, landing one more hit for good measure before sticking out his tongue to rub salt in the wound as James rubbed his bicep, pulling a wince at the action.

"I'm not allowed to injure the invalid," James sighed, fixing his glasses his glasses on the curved bridge of his nose. Sirius raised an eyebrow, as if daring his friend to take the chance to try him.

"I'll injure you so that you can, then."

Emilia felt it again, that feeling like she was on the outside looking in and they were squeezing her out of existence of the conversation and it left her feeling oh so small and unimportant, that she was eavesdropping on them, an intruder.

It wasn't their fault, she just wasn't a part of their group and it was natural for them to just forget other people existed at time.

She cleared her throat but it seemed she was not even there as Sirius and James began to dissolve into bickering, Remus leaning back against the wall with arms over his chest and looking especially peeved off; her eyes flickered around until they landed on Peter, who seemed to be the only one who deemed her worthy of his attention and she directed her words at him.

"I, uh," she began, voice cracking and making her face heat up at the sound as the other three finally decided to look at her, their gazes sharp from the corner of her eye. "I helped him here. Potions accident."

"How'd that happen?" Peter piped up, eyes wide with worry. Emilia was glad that they had been lucky to not see the extent of Sirius injury for she knew their concern, at the high level it already was at that moment, would have increased tenfold had they seen what she had caused.

The memory of it all – of his injury, of how she was the reason he was hurt – made Emila's stomach turn itself into knots and tangles, aching as she wondered how on earth she was going to tell them all that she was the reason Sirius was hurt, that he was lying in this bed and was lucky to keep his arm. She could see them being aghast, angry at her and it made Emilia all the more less willing to tell them any of what had happened.

"Well obviously there was an accident in Potions, Wormy," Sirius suddenly shot back as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and Emilia turned her eyes to Sirius, wondering if her worry could be clearly seen on her face but, even as he met her gaze, he gave no indication that he could tell that she was fretting about telling his friends that she was the cause for all of this. Her spine relaxed and she felt as if she could breathe as Sirius' face screwed up, turning to Remus. "Wait, what has everyone been talking about?"

"Apparently you've been horribly disfigured," Remus told him with a shrug.

"And crippled," Peter chimed in, reaching forward to nudge Sirius' shin, just to check that it wasn't an actual possibility that his friend would remain bed bound.

"And you're currently on your death bed as we speak," James sniffed, using his hand to wipe away mock tears at the thought. Emilia didn't know how it was that the entire thing got out of hand considering how many witnesses had been there and it seemed Sirius shared the same thought, looking just as confused as Emilia felt.

He took in their words for a moment before straightening up, his smile growing across his mouth. "D'you think I could use it as an excuse because I've not done my essay for Alchemy."

James gave a scoff, reaching forward to tenderly pat Sirius' cheek before his hand was smacked away. "If that was the case don't you think I wouldn't have gone and thrown myself down the stairs from the fourth floor on my way here?"

Sirius gave a long drawn out groan as if this piece of news was the worst thing to happen to him all day. Sometimes, Emilia wondered if that boy even had his priorities in order. "Bloody Hell, someone do me a favour and break my other arm."

"We could try mixing up whatever Pomfrey has here to knock you out," James offered up, moving around Remus to begin rummaging around Pomfrey's stores.

"Or kill you," Remus said with a very nonchalant tone despite the words escaping his mouth.

Sirius thought on the possibility for more than at least three seconds before he shrugged. "At this point, I'll take the chance."

The longer she stayed, the more uneasy Emilia became; she felt being on the outside of their conversation and it wasn't their fault, she just… had nothing of substance to say to them. She knew that if she continued to linger around them for any more time, then her departure would be more awkward; she needed to be fast and read the signals that her presence was most likely a nuisance and she had already overstayed her welcome in the infirmary after Sirus' pushing for Madam Pomfrey to reluctantly agree for Emilia to stay.

No, it was best to get on with it.

Emilia felt as unsteady as a new born fawn as she stood to her feet, trying to not cause any sudden movements that would garner any attention, hoping to just slip out unnoticed and with ease, but it seemed her plan was to fail from the onset as all once more turned to her, expectant and watching her rise, awaiting for her to speak or say something.

They all acted as one hive mind and it might have creeped Emilia out were it not for the fact she decided to focus her attention solely on a pair of grey eyes, fiddling with the cuffs of her white shirt under the sleeves of her robes in an effort to stem the nervous energy simmering beneath the surface.

At least she wasn't a total, blundering, red faced mess – that had to mean something right? Maybe she was finally growing that backbone her aunt doubted even existed after all.

"I'll leave you to it. I'm going to go get lunch," Emilia half announced but not looking to anyone else as she said it in case she should falter but once she was done, she left her gaze flicker to meet the other three pairs of eyes, offering a small inclination of the head as a way to say goodbye without doing so verberally.

Emilia turned to go, half expecting for that to be that but as she made the move to leave, a hand reached out to grab her gently, holding her back; she knew that hand, didn't even need to look to know whose arm it was attached to and Sirius was sitting up in bed, looking up at her for a change. "You're leaving already?"

Emilia tried to ignore the sight of the other three that she could spy in her peripheral vision, turning back face Sirius and ignoring how warm his hand was around her; she could see Remus and James zeroing on Sirius's hand, while Peter seemed to be the only one who had the decency to look away.

She offered a small smile to him, wondering how he wasn't sick of her hanging about already now that his friends were here. "Any longer and I think Madam Pomfrey might kick me out."

"If anything, it's these plonkers she'll kick out for making too much noise," Sirius scoffed in disagreement, pausing for a moment to look back over at Remus, not yet letting go of Emilia. "Not you though, Moony, you know how she loves you."

Remus gave a shrug, one corner of his mouth lifting. "What can I say? It's just my charm."

"And the fact you didn't nearly fill up the infirmary after making half of Ravenclaw be burping up tadpoles," James muttered, not bothering to let the comment fly by underneath everyone and Remus gave a snort, rolling his eyes to the Heavens and back down to earth again.

Emilia's eyes widened at James' words, mouth nearly dropping open in shock as she stared at Sirius; she remembered the incident quite clearly as some of the tadpoles had quickly grown into frogs and one had landed in her breakfast as the Ravenclaw table became overrun with the little critters and their eggs. Sirius' was quickly making a cutting motion at his neck to get James to shut up before he nervously flickered his eyes to Emilia who was not very surprised at the reveal that he had been the instigator behind it all.

"That was you?" she gasped, despite herself.

"It was an accident, how many times do I have to say it?" Sirius defended, insisting his partial innocent to Emilia, leaning back into his bed, quite content to hold onto her as if his hand was fused to her. And Emilia was quite content to let him. "Honest, I meant it just to happen to Tommy Strollstop, how was I supposed to know he was going to share the entire box of chocolates with everyone at the table?"

A snigger left James. "Well, he did have a habit of sharing his girlfriend too, so we shouldn't be surprised."

Before Emilia could blink, both Sirius and Remus' hands darted out to hit James, eliciting a shout of pain from him as Sirius shot his friend a cold glare that was couple Remus' disapproving stare that made James grumble under his breath but keep his mouth shut.

Emilia felt she was vastly overstaying her welcome and that it was only proper to let Sirius have some time with his friends, straightening her spine and looking to him once more. "I hope you feel better."

Sirius appeared ready to protest once more, a pout blooming on his face before he halted its growth with great reluctance, leaning his back over the metal head board, a moment of silence as she felt his fingers tighten their hold on Emilia briefly, then loosen, slowly slipping away from her. She could have broken it easily – but she did not. "You'll visit later, won't you?"

The smile on her face felt genuine, Emilia only hoped it appeared it, too.

"Okay. I'll see you later," she assured before finally taking her hand back to herself once more and idling by his bedside, wondering if she should turn to go, before deciding to look to Remus, James and Peter, raising a hand to send them a small, limp wave. "Bye."

"Bye, Emilia," Remus echoed as James gave her a bright grin that beamed on his face as his hand began to take up the habit of slyly nudging Sirius' shoulder, something hidden in his features that she couldn't discern. Remus' lips turned slightly upwards, the action gentle and making Emilia turn pink since he did have such a nice smile and she turned to Peter, who didn't seem at all interested in looking at her or offering her a farewell.

Maybe he didn't like her half as much as she had initially believed her had and felt awkward if she should try to press a goodbye from him by singling Peter out.

Instead, Emilia slipped out from behind the curtains, a sudden breath she didn't know she needed entering her lungs and washing out in a wave. As she made to leave, it was silence save for her steps that reached a total of seven before, mid-air on her eighth, she heard Sirius' vicious cursing with James' bellowing laughter, that was promptly followed by a loud, choking sound.

Despite it all, Emilia didn't really feel that same, stinging envy as she had before.

hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!

OryxGreen: thank you so much! i think emilia is definitely one of the most opposite characters i have done to my own self so it takes a while for me to actually get into her mindset; ive planned for all of her past to be revealed in chapter 20 since i like things to be organically brought up and talked about and emilia has spent her entire life ignoring the true after affects of being neglected as a child, both physically and emotionally. its really about her unlearning a lot of toxic ways that were a product of her environment. kids really pick up things from their parents and guardians and think its normal and emilia is really unlearning all of that - such as the crying bit. sirius had a step up from emilia considering he began to really examine his abuse and trauma at an earlier age to emilia so he's able to recognise it in emilia and emilia, while she is able to see it too, sees it in the same lense of "oh well that's normal that's how i was brought up" without knowing that no its not okay. faeoifhwoa im rambling because this story really is about examining different kinds of trauma and how to cope with it, through the ~power of friendship and love~ and also oneself. also to answer ur question about sirius: personally, im writing sirius' "womanizing" through the angle of a coping mechanism - not trying to push an oedipus complex, but its more so he's trying to chase love and being wanted before he realises how a lot of it is shallow. it's becoming a thing recently on whether or not casual sex could be considered self harm, but for me i see it as sirius trying to cope with the fear of being unloved and unwanted so he really tries to push those feelings away by "reciprocating" feelings for other people who express interest in him before he realises its shallow and doesn't help him. so a lot of him in this story is unlearning this and realising his worth of being loved doesn't lie in having sex. hope this answered ur question! sorry for rambling so much ehafoidhaoeifaw

megancl99: thank u so so much! i really wondered how i could make them make up and i really wanted it to be an emotional catharsis moment; sirius gets to see the extent of how much emilia cares and worries for him, while emilia finally gets that emotional release that has been building up inside of her while realising herself how much she does care for sirius. so sorry sirius u had to get a bit hurt for this moment but at least u guys made up! and dont worry, emilia's friendship circle will expand in the near future ! glad you enjoyed and thank you for all the words of support! 3

Momochan77: thank you! i cant tell you how excited i am to finally get the plot rolling and have more characters introduced and even more drama! hope u enjoy! 3

iloveashanquinn: thank you so much for all your lovely kind words of support! they really mean the entire world and all our stars to me ! and dw im fine! i got a bad case of freshers flu from going out frioafja (for non irish and brits its basically when everyone in the first week of uni get sick from a number of things and its the WORST especially on nights out) thank you so much and i hope u like todays chapter!

Kaiya's Watergarden: thank you so much! believe me im rooting for them too!

LoveFiction.2021: thank you! feeling much better now! the first week of uni is always hectic and there's no avoiding freshers flu lol

jjkrainy: omg thank you so much! it means the world to me you love the slow burn! it will definitely be super slow burn on emilia's part but i shan't reveal anymore! hope u enjoy 3

this week: emilia and sirius a having heart to heart and marauder appearances

next week: MORE emilia and sirius having a heart to heart and MORE marauder appearances

ye dont know how excited i am to get this mf show on the mf road. more plot, more backstory, more intrigues, more... romance?

[anakin voice] this is where the fun begins

song of choice while writing: ultraviolet by the stiff dylans

Thanks for reading!