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chapter twenty-two.

Sirius kept to his word and made no attempt to try and quiz Emilia about what happened at Halloween; she felt grateful towards it as she didn't know if she had the mental ability to try and deny him the truth once again and knew she wouldn't be able to lie to him if he had decided to try and pull the words from her mouth.

Yet, on the other side of the scales was the guilt that seemed to be weighing her down each day that passed. Emilia told herself that she would be able to deal with it the way she always had and that was by herself, and that there was no need to be whining and whinging about it to Sirius even if he did want to know; but that ever present voice in the back of her head came knocking, whispering that he wouldn't see it as her complaining and griping about the cards she was dealt with.

Sirius seemed to not let on that anything had even happened to her at Halloween, save for those brief glances her way when he thought she wasn't looking, furrowed brows and ice pick eyes trying to see through the cracks and get her to pill but then he would wash the look from his face and smile at her. It made the guilt worse; was he wondering why she wasn't telling him? Did he think she didn't trust him enough by now, after all they went through to get here?

But Emilia's fear of Marina's retaliation was stronger than her guilt towards hiding it all from Sirius.

Marina had gone back to ignoring Emilia, as if she were nothing more than the dirt on the bottom of her shoe and it made that pit in the bottom of Emilia's stomach worsen, waiting for the other girl to lash out and call her mudblood again. Mudblood, like those kids who not so secretly practised dark, forbidden magic in the shadowed corners they skulked in, like those fanatics outside of Hogwarts trying to get the rest of the Wizarding World to finally see that Muggles and Muggle-born witches and wizards were going to be their downfall.

It had been so easy before, to be ignorant and naïve and see the world as black and white back then, but now… now Emilia didn't know what to believe. How many others in Gryffindor or other houses thought the same things as Marina, whispered words of blood purity to their friends in hushed circles? It made her nervous, made her even scared at times. Marina hated Emilia all because she was born to a Muggle mother and father and now Emilia was worried that since Marina's favourite target was no longer taking the brunt of her abuse that the other girl would turn elsewhere for amusement.

She was wracked with thoughts of a poor First Year trapped in the dark like her, crying for help and with no Sirius of their own to help them; Emilia was not a martyr, she was not a saint who paid for the sins of others, but she still remembered all too well when she was eleven and being bullied; she was more than used to it even back then, so why should some innocent child have to deal with it too?

And she feared that if Sirius were to intervene that it would make the situation deteriorate far beyond the mess it already was; what if everyone thought she was lying about Marina? Or the teachers insisted it was nothing more than kids being kids and she was overreacting? Or what if Marina became bittered and then decided to turn her focus elsewhere, or worse, what if she decided to get more of her blood purist friends to get back at Emilia for being a snitch? The anxiety of it all was too overwhelming for Emilia that some nights she couldn't sleep, playing out every single scenario time and time again and she was a victim to the viscous cycle.

Emilia knew that Sirius' heart was in the right place; he cared for his friends and she was now one of his friends too and he would be so blinded by everything if he knew, even from the consequences of what might occur should he decide to retaliate whereas Emilia was beholden to her own fears and worries. He couldn't be around her all the time, she couldn't expect him to protect her from it all, to shield her from it. Her nails were bitten to nubs from her habit of biting on them as her nerves wrung her stomach until it was a frayed mess of nothing but knots, ignoring the pinpricks of pain when her teeth would gnaw on the tender skin and she had to put it out of sight, out of mind.

If anything happened, it would happen and neither she or Sirius could do anything about it so best to just let things run its course and she could deal with the aftermath later one when –

A pair of fingers snapped in front of Emilia's eyes, jolting her from her daydreaming and faraway thoughts as she was pulled back to reality, blinking and completely forgetting where she was, eyes darting around before landing on Sirius' less than amused face at her clear disinterest.

"Hello, Earth to Emilia?" he called out, waving a hand in front of her as if she wasn't sitting right beside him and could see him all too clearly. Copious amounts of space existed on either side of them but Sirius had a habit of acting like the south of a magnet, sticking to her to the point she feared they might fuse into one person. "Did your soul suddenly leave your body?"

Emilia shook her head, reaching up to brush her hair behind her ears and pushing down the heat in her cheeks that flooded forth from the embarrassment of having been caught drifting off from whatever it was he was talking about. In all honesty, she hadn't meant to, it was an accident, but she had stopped listening when he was telling her of the time that they hid a mandrake in Binn's classroom and the old ghost couldn't do anything about trying to shut the plant up. "What? Oh, sorry, I was thinking."

"I could see," Sirius commented, that look in his face again, as if he wanted nothing more than to open her skull up and see her thoughts running wild in circles. He gave a huff and rested his elbow on the table, cupping his cheek and she noticed he looked more tired than usual. His reasoning had been something about a late night and helping Remus with an essay in Muggle studies; she didn't question him on it, not even pointing out that Remus doesn't even take the subject. "What about? Me, I hope."

He gave a waggle of his eyebrows, a grin that seemed slightly forced slipping across his mouth and Emilia gave a shrug of her shoulders, her bowl empty of the honeyed porridge she had barely managed to force down. "Just things."

"Things," he repeated with a hum, head nodding along to her words but she could see it behind his eyes, see that he was still unsure of whether he should broach the topic further or to leave off, not wanting to spook her from talking. Instead, he turned away, shifting in his seat so that his thigh jostled her leg and speared a sausage on his fork. "They must be really important things if they decided to take you away from me while I was talking."

"I didn't mean to, I swear I was listening," Emilia insisted, her defence half-assed and he peered at her from the side, gaze narrowed as he took a bite and chewed on it slowly deliberately.

An eyebrow rose and disappeared behind the loose curls decorating his forehead, his hair more of a tangled mess than it usually was. Perhaps he had been up all night, wondering about the castle with his magic map and his friends, plotting whatever it was that they usually plotted – nothing good, anyways. After the Feast, it was common knowledge that Sirius and his friends had to have had a hand in what had happened on Halloween but since no one could actually prove that it was them, they were let off, but that didn't mean McGonagall didn't give them a good earwigging about propriety and being grown up and all that nonsense. "Oh yeah? And what was I saying?"

Emilia's flushed deepened under his gaze and took to fiddling with her sleeve, face screwed up as she tried to remember the last line of conversation before her attention took a dip; maybe it was something about Quidditch, or maybe the Runes essay he did that he had put barely any effort into but got a good mark in return. But the more she tried, the more she forgot and Emilia felt sheepish. "Uh, well, you were talking about… something, that's for sure."

Sirius gave a series of scoffs and strangled sounds from the back of his throat, a faux expression of hurt on his face. "Wow, wow. This is what our friendship has come to? Don't I mean anything to you, Emilia dear?"

Emilia grunted, a frown on her face at his accusations, all the while trying it ignore the last word he had tacked onto the end of his sentence. Sirius had been doing that a lot lately – calling her 'dear' and 'love' and 'Lemon', as if they were all the same and interchangeable; perhaps he did it so much because he knew how it made her react, made her beetroot in the face, smiling and shaking her head as if he was silly and he liked making her like that, maybe he knew he was the only one who could. "I was listening! Just you talk so fast my head can't keep up."

"Here I am, talking into an endless void. Will anyone respond to my lonely self?" he called out, voice louder than necessary and a few eyes flickered over to them to see Sirius nearly yelling out into the Great Hall and Emilia dropped her head, as if trying to pretend she wasn't him before forgetting how the two of them were practically pressed up against one another.

Her hand darted out and smacked across his arm, and he sat right into his seat again, grinning but this time it seemed more real, more genuine. "Don't be so dramatic."

Sirius sniffed, placing a hand over his heart but placing it on the wrong side. Hogwarts, it appeared, failed to provide its students with a basic grasp of biology. "You don't be so cruel to my tender heart."

She didn't hesitate to hit his shoulder again, a chastising expression etched into her features but falling flat on its affect on trying to get him not to have people whispering about the two of them. "It'll be bruised soon enough too."

"Cold, heartless Emilia. Will I ever melt that façade of yours?" he lamented, clutching at his shirt like a tormented poet, eyes up to the Heavens as if expecting an answer but all he got in response was a roll of Emilia's eyes. Then, he playfully shoved his shoulder up against hers, ducking his head as if to whisper but his voice made no attempts to try and stay quiet. "I'm only taking the piss. I'm used to it, James doesn't have a single thought in his head to be paying any bit of heed to me. Mostly because it's spent daydreaming about a certain someone."

A sound of protest came from across them and Emilia turned to see James sidling into the table, glaring at Sirius with a none too pleased look as he placed an envelope on the table beside him, looking ready to reach across and hit Sirius across the head with it. "I knew my ears were burning for a reason. Talking shite about me, Padfoot?"

Sirius smiled and gave a shrug, trying to look innocent as he took a sip of his coffee. "Nothing else to say about you, Prongs."

A grunt left James as he turned to Emilia, shaking his head in disappointment, elbow on the table and pointing at Sirius accusingly. "Can you believe this? No loyalty from this one."

Emilia held up her hands, indicating she had no interest in taking either side and Sirius stuck his tongue out at James, flipping him the middle finger. "Drama queen."

"Traitor," James shot back.

"Pussy."

"Backstabber."

Sirius let out an aghast gasp, turning to Emilia as if to check that she had just heard what James had spat out too. "Emilia, you're going to be my witness in court for this abuse, this slander."

She raised an eyebrow, biding her time on how to reply. "How much are you paying me?"

Sirius pulled a face. "Witnesses don't get paid."

Emilia clicked her tongue, lifting a shoulder and taking her cup of tea in between her hands, bringing it to her lips so that the rim slotted perfectly into her small smile as she took a sip from it. "Then I guess I'm not a witness."

"I would pay you, Emilia," the bespectacled boy said across the table.

"How much?"

"A lot," James responded with a wink, an action that garnered him a sharper glower from Sirius.

Emilia nodded and turned to Sirius, who looked as if someone had spat into his breakfast, arms crossed over his chest and a sullen look on his face that might have been akin to a pout. Her hand found its way to his arm, giving it a brief squeeze before she chickened out and pulled away from him. She still wasn't used to it, to this, them – casual touches were more frequent now but initiating them were uncharted territory for Emilia whereas they came so naturally for Sirius. "Sorry Sirius, he has a point."

The corners of Sirius' mouth turned down further, a shadow passing over his face and Emilia pressed her lips together to stop the smile that was tugging at her lips at the sight of him looking like a whining child; he looked ready to stamp his foot at any given moment as he glared at the other two Gryffindor's at the table with him. "Why is everyone being mean to me, today of all days?"

Emilia felt confusion flitter across her features at his words; 'today of all days'? She couldn't recall today being anything special, it was the beginnings of November and there was barely any excitement for the looming Christmas holidays. She tried to wrack her brain to think of why this day was any more important that the rest of the week but fell flat of finding a reason, so she felt unsure about what he meant, out of the loop as James tore into a piece of toast, not caring for the crumbs that littered his chin. "Have to keep you humble somehow."

Sirius gave an indignant sound sitting up right and puffing out his chest. "I don't need to be humble, I'm perfect, why deny it?"

Emilia didn't even bother to bite back the small laugh that left, causing Sirius' grey eyes to turn to her. "Try not to fall over with that big head of yours."

He seemed used to her jabs by now, clicking her tongue and she thought he was ready to shoot back with his own remark but then he was leaning in close, closer than he should have been as his body was already pressed close to her own, his inability to understand the concept of personal space clear but that too went out of Emilia's mind as she tried not to think about the small width of distance between them, how she could see every fleck of colour hidden in his irises. He had that suggestive turn of his lips again, a waggle of his brows that didn't leave much to the imagination about what was going through his mind and Emilia felt too warm under the collar of her shirt, trying to hold herself together. She was used to this by now, his innuendos, his words having an underlying meaning and she wasn't about to let him think she was so entirely naïve to let them go amiss but her habit of being prone to blushing wasn't helping her case whatsoever. "Oh please, I've got something else that's big other than my head."

Emilia tried leaning back, tried pulling a face at what he had said but it didn't seem to have much effort in it, looking elsewhere but him because she didn't want him to see he had made her cheeks warm again. Maybe he knew that he was able to reduce her to such a state so easily which is why he made sure to do it so often. "Gross."

"Too far?" he said in a cooing tone and Emilia only had enough time to scowl at him before his hand was reaching up and he grasped her cheek between his thumb and index finger, like grandparents would do to children, as if she were an adorable little thing he couldn't help but make fun of. Emilia knew she had enough time to dodge his touch, knew she could smack his hand away, but couldn't seem to find it within her to do it, electing to keep a straight face as Sirius' tugged her cheek, his hand feeling slightly cooler against the parchment of her skin and he was grinning. "I must be careful to not taint your innocent ears with such foul talk."

He pinched her cheek for a moment longer before he pulled away at the very unamused look that was etched onto her features. His words made her scoff; her? Innocent? She wasn't some child who didn't know the birds and the bees and she certainly wasn't innocent. She might have tried to plead her case were it not for the fact James was still sitting with them and also because she realised maybe trying to convince Sirius that she wasn't entirely unknowledgeable would be more cause for teasing than easing it. "I'm hardly innocent."

Sirius gave a snort, rolling his eyes and looked to James as if to say can you believe this? But the other boy was having no part in this type of conversation. "Oh yeah, that one detention you got nearly two months ago really made you such a rebel."

Emilia frowned and her spine straightened at the accusation; perhaps she wasn't exactly a 'rebel', but she liked to think she wasn't a stick in the mud as she used to be. She could be a rebel, she could be fun, too. She might not be taking part in any pranks or ditching classes or getting detention, but she wasn't boring or uncool – at least, Emilia hoped she wouldn't. Did Sirius think she was? Emilia's frown deepened at the thought; she thought she had come a long way since being friends with Sirius and that she wasn't the same person who was going to cry from getting detention anymore. "I can be a rebel! I helped you with Filch, didn't I?"

Sirius arched an eyebrow. "All of one time."

Emilia's lips pursed into a straight line and she snapped her head away from him, sniffing. "Maybe that one time was one too many, I'll keep that in mind."

An offended sound left Sirius and he was trying to capture her gaze again, leaning in front of her but was met with failure as Emilia kept turning her head further away, hoping she wouldn't snap her neck from trying to push it beyond its capacity; then, Sirius was leaning over her lap, hand braced on the other side of her legs, fingers curled around the edge of the bench and his hair was falling around him, tilting his head in trying to get her to look at him and she finally did, ignoring the fact he was practically on top of her, staring down at him and he was pouting. "Come on, you know that you're my favourite. I tease you, but I only do it out of love."

The fact he was so close to her made her heart fall into a frenzy, hands feeling clammy and it didn't matter if she tried to shift away from him because her legs were trapped under the curve of his arm, elbow against his turned chest and Emilia was half afraid if she turned away he would climb onto her lap, trying to get her to stop ignoring him. "It definitely doesn't feel like it."

"And I know you do it out of love too."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"I feel like an outlier," James spoke up and Emilia had forgotten all about him, jolting in her spot as she angled her eyes towards him, how he was staring at the two of them with a glint in his eyes and wiping the crumbs from his mouth; he made no other comment about the fact Sirius was all but spilling himself onto Emilia's lap, made no remark about how the two were pressed up against one another or how pink Emilia's face was burning, turning to the shade of ripe cherries as Sirius finally sat up straight, his fingers brushing over the tops of Emilia's legs as he took his arm back, the touch causing her breath to stall.

She wondered what James might be thinking, what was running through his mind at the sight of the two of them, almost wanted to made a defence that that was just how Sirius was, how he liked being all over his friends and touching them and she didn't mind it because they were friends and friends liked to hold hands and hug each other but her throat closed up, realising how ridiculous she would sound. What did it matter anyhow? James wasn't saying anything and there was nothing wrong with Sirius and Emilia being friends, so why did her stomach feel so knotted? Emilia wiped her hands on her skirt, straightening her face and trying to pretend she wasn't as affected by Sirius and his casual displays of affection as she was.

Sirius was back into his usual position – that being all but pressed up against Emilia, scorching the side of her body in a way she was used to by now, in a way she quite liked. She always used to be afraid about what other people might think if they saw the two of them together, all over each other in ways that were foreign to Emilia, but she had learned to not care about that anymore – who cared what other people thought? To her, the only opinion that mattered was Sirius'. "You know I love you too, Prongs."

"Doesn't feel like it," James sighed, looking far off into the distance and Sirius gave a grunt, tutting at his friend. "Such is my lot in life to suffer alone."

"Well then, can you go suffer alone, elsewhere, in silence?" Sirius asked, making a shooing motion with his hand and James seemed aghast at the behaviour he was receiving.

"And I was really about to give you your present, you know that?" he huffed and Emilia felt that same confusion again, face befuddled as she stared at James as he held up the envelope he had arrived with in his hand, waving it in front of Sirius and she stared at it, trying to discern what it could possibly be, or why Sirius was receiving a present. Maybe purebloods celebrated Christmas early?

But James' words seemed to have piqued Sirius' interest as his back straightened, wide eyed and he fumbled, laughing slightly and seemed more amiable to his friend at the prospect of receiving a gift. "I mean, I guess I could fit you into my social schedule for sometime today, oh look at that I'm free right now."

Sirius tried to reach across and grab the envelope but James snapped his hand back, leaving it just out of reach. "Lick arse."

Sirius made another go for it, missing it entirely by just an inch and he sat back down, clasping his hands together and pleading with James with those puppy dog eyes that he had finally mastered over Emilia, leaving her completely unimmune to them. "You'll never need toilet paper again if I can have my present."

James took his sweet time deliberating as Sirius continued to plead with him, tapping the envelope against his temple, as if he was seriously in consideration about whether he should give it or not, but Sirius sat silent and ready until James gave a nod and all but flicked the envelope over to Sirius who caught it and immediately began tearing into the paper. James gave a laugh, his wild hair like a nest around him. "Happy birthday, dickhead."

Emilia froze, her eyes widening at James' word as she sat frozen to her seat, unable to do but stare as Sirius tore open the brown paper, breath and voice stolen from her; it was his birthday? How had she not known? Emilia felt at a complete loss over the fact that it had gone amiss on her and shame and guilt began to bubble and boil in the bottom of her tummy, wrapping around every inch of her as she stared at Sirius' grin as he opened his present.

How could she have not known? She had sat there like a complete fool and had no idea, he hadn't even said anything to her, hadn't even been acting amiss over the fact she never even said the words happy birthday to him. And worst of all, she had nothing to give him – no presents, not even a card that she could scribble into and give to him and Emilia felt a pit forming in the bottom of her stomach at the fact she was completely empty handed and there was nothing she had that was worth giving to Sirius.

His birthday, she had completely ignorant of the fact it was his birthday and Sirius didn't even seem bothered by it, why had he not said anything? No, she should have known, she was his friend and friends were supposed to know these things about each other but she just… didn't. Emilia was at a loss, floundering on how she could ever make it up to him but Sirius seemed wholly unaware of the fact Emilia was burning with a guilt that would have set her on fire were she a lesser witch.

He pulled open the envelope entirely, taking out two slips of paper and his mouth fell open, gawping at what he held in his hands as he turned to James with that same expression, as if he was staring at his friend in an entirely new light. "Tickets to the League Cup? Prongs I could kiss you."

James quickly pulled a face and put his hands out to protect himself, afraid that Sirius might just try to supplant a kiss on him. "I will nick your tickets from you if you try."

"These have been impossible to get, how did you manage?" There was wonder and shock in Sirius voice as he stared at the tickets, blinking as if to see that they might just disappear entirely from his grip but they remained where they were as he flipped them over and over again just to be sure that they were real.

"Mum knows someone who knows someone who knows someone. Managed to scrape enough favours together to grab two tickets for us," James explained nonchalantly but he seemed very proud of himself and pleased with Sirius' reaction to the gift. "Those are also your Christmas present as well, by the way. I don't think I have two galleons to rub together after that."

"Not that you need the money, I'll write in my will to leave you everything I have."

"Well then die quick because I need the money to buy Evans a Christmas present."

A bark of laughter left Sirius as he went and tucked the tickets safely away into his pocket, patting it just to be sure that they wouldn't fall through a hole in the material and be lost along the corridors for someone else to scavenge. "Another one that'll end up in the bin?"

James whistled, wincing. "Ouch, words hurt, Padfoot."

"As is the nature of the truth."

James gave a defeated sigh, as if past experience was only proving Sirius right as he gave a shrug, brushing off the crumbs from his lap as he stood, swinging a leg out from under the table. "Right well, enjoy frothing over your tickets. I'm meeting Remus to help with my essay. Bye Emilia."

Emilia recovered in time to hear his farewell, the shock she used to initially feel over being acknowledged thus by Sirius' friends no longer present as she returned his wave with one of her own. "Bye."

"Wait, don't I get a goodbye?" Sirius called out to his friend's retreating back but all that was given was a flip of the middle finger over his shoulder, but it did little to quell the excited look on Sirius' face. "Prick."

But the world held no venom as he quickly reached into his pocket once more to fish the tickets out, his face clearly still in disbelief over what had been given to him and Emilia shifted in her seat, trying to ignore the guilt that was rearing its head again. What could she say? If she said it now, he would know that she had no idea it was his birthday, would he be annoyed? She desperately hoped he wouldn't. A Hogsmeade trip was coming up this week and she had enough money with her to try and buy him a present, anything to make up for the fact she was entirely empty handed, something lodged in her throat as an uneasy feeling snaking all the way up from the pit formed in the bottom of her stomach.

But Sirius was entirely unaware and stared at the paper in his grasp. "I can't believe he actually got me these, I've been whining about wanting to go all year."

"Well, no more whining. You actually get to go. It's great that he got you these," she smiled and thought to leave it at that but found herself unable to let go; would an apology suffice? She could promise to go to Hogsmeade and get him anything he wanted since she had no experience in buying people birthday presents and had no idea what he would even like for one. Emilia dropped her gaze away from him, chewing on the inside of her cheek as she grasped her cup of tea in her hand, the ceramic cold to the touch and she had no desire to drink any of it to wash the bad taste in her mouth down. "I didn't know it was your birthday today."

Her voice was quiet, hidden but Sirius was so close that he could hear every word and she saw in the corner of her eye as he turned to her, brows drawing together in confusion. "Why would you? I don't really want it being public knowledge."

If Sirius was perplexed, Emilia was doubly so at his statement. He didn't want people knowing it was his birthday? On one hand, it would explain how she didn't know, but Emilia thought people liked to celebrate their birthday, like to get presents and love and attention from people but Sirius… didn't. "How come?"

Sirius gave a sigh, heavy and old as he put his present away again as a hand went to his hair to run his fingers through it, catching on a few snags before giving a lift of his shoulders, his voice slightly softer than his usual tone, as if he was afraid that someone might over hear them. "It's annoying dealing with people as it is. I just lie if someone I'm not friends with asks me."

Did that mean she should have asked? Or was it the fact they were friends now that he saw no point in denying it now? Emilia could understand to a degree why he didn't want everyone knowing; she remembered the infirmary how people seemed to flock to his bedside, people he seemed to barely know coming in droves to shower him with gifts and attention and he had hated it then, hated how he had no rest and time to himself because of how many visitors he was getting.

Perhaps it was the same thing regarding this, he didn't want people trying to get a moment of his time throughout the day that would result in him being hounded by so many girls and boys alike and handing him presents that he had no use of and would have to through away or repurpose to other people.

Emilia never had that so she could never imagine what it would be like, to have people you probably never spoke to trying to give you things you didn't want even if the thought behind giving a present was kind, but she understood not wanting to be surrounded by so many people all at once, trying to get him to talk to them as if he were an animal in a zoo.

But, despite knowing that her lack of knowledge was not really her fault, Emilia still felt bad for not knowing; she should have asked him, should have even just made a passing comment about it and he would have told her but she never even thought about it. Birthdays were never really a big deal for her so she forgot that they were to other people.

"Well, happy birthday, Sirius," Emilia said softly. "I'm sorry that I don't have anything to give you."

Sirius was silent for a moment and he was staring at the table top, at the knots in the wood and the half moon burn stains that were older than them and she could see his face twist as he fell into thought; she had no way of knowing what was going on in his mind as she studied him, watching how he began to chew the inside of his cheek, a dip in the flesh while his brows knitted together. Emilia sat, waiting patiently because she knew that it would take him a while to get whatever it was that he was thinking out, but he would speak eventually.

But something seemed off, could see how he was hesitating as his silver eyes flittered over to Emilia and his features were marred as he faltered, unsure and it made her uneasy because Sirius was always so confident, always so self assured about whatever it was that he did and what he said; yet now, he seemed entirely different, Emilia might have said he even looked almost bashful but that was ridiculous because Sirius was never timid about anything, even when there were times he ought to be.
He seemed to have finally come to a conclusion on whatever matter he was deliberating as he spoke steady and slow. "Well… that's not entirely true, is it?"

Emilia's head tilted to the side, now sure what he meant because she really didn't have anything to give him, not even a packet of sweets or even a hand made card that she could make. "It's not?"

The red in his cheeks felt like a trick of her imagination as he took to twisting a paper napkin in his hands and he wasn't looking at her anymore, as if he wasn't able to get the words out while looking at her and Emilia began to feel worried about what was afflicting him. "I mean, there's nothing else I really want. Except your time."

His words came out in a rush, breathless as if he was afraid she would interject and stop him from speaking and by the time he finished, Sirius finally braved a glance up at her only to see her face screwed up by confusion. Was that it? Her time? But, they were always together one way or another, she didn't understand how she could give more of her time to him than she already did unless they put another hour in the day. "My… time?"

Sirius nodded at her echo of his words, and he turned to her completely, bared to Emilia as she tried to understand what he meant because right now, it felt like she was leagues behind him and his thinking as per usual. "This weekend, it's the Hogsmeade trip."

Her head tilted to the side, trying to see what angle he was getting at but couldn't seem to fathom it as he was guarded, not letting her see what it was he really meant. "It is."

"What are you doing for it?" he asked and Emilia blinked, caught off guard by the question.

She hadn't even thought of Hogsmeade until a few minutes ago when panicking over trying to make up for not buying Sirius a birthday present, but besides that, the trip had meant nothing to her. She wasn't even thinking about going up until finding out she had not got Sirius anything for his birthday and even as Sirius stared at her, as if trying to get her to understand something she clearly couldn't, Emilia felt at a loss.

What did her time and Hogsmeade even have to do with one another? "I… nothing."

Another pregnant pause of silence as he stared at her, letting nothing show on his clear face no matter how much Emilia tried to dissect it. All she got from staring was that he seemed to be holding back from something, a slight dusting of pink on his cheeks that she could not fathom and his hand was strangling the poor paper napkin in his grip. His eyes were trained on her and it made Emilia's heart quicken, chest tightening as she tried to swallow a bubbling feeling that was threatening to burst inside of her, pushing it down deep inside of her. "Then, do you want to go to Hogsmeade? With me?"

Emilia was left speechless, in disbelief he had asked her that. That was it? That was all he wanted? To go to Hogsmeade, and to go with her? She had half expected for him to say that he wanted her to ditch class to hang out with him, or to help him put a whoopie cushion under McGonagall's seat, but not that. He couldn't be Sirius, out of everything he could possibly want for a birthday present, why would he want to hang out with her at Hogsmeade? They were friends now, of course they were, but it still left Emilia trying to comprehend why he would want her company in Hogsmeade as a present of all things.

She waited for the penny to drop, but Sirius seemed on edge as her lack of response seemed to stretch out. He was genuine – he was not taking the piss or saying it as a joke, for some unknown reason, Sirius only wanted her to hang out with him as part of her birthday present to him. Her mouth felt dry, tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. "Is that all you want?"

Sirius gave a curt nod, body taut and there was a tension about him. "It's all I need."

She was hardly going to say no to him even if she didn't understand why he would want only this as a present so Emilia pushed her overthinking aside, wondering why it took her so long to even say yes in the first place. "Then… okay, sure."

Whatever was afflicting him before seemed to be banished in an instant as Sirius' shoulders sagged in a way that Emilia might have described as relief as that boyish grin of his returned once more, hands clasping together in delight at her answer. "Great! I wouldn't have known what to do if you said no."

It seemed Sirius was the best at making Emilia perplexed as she stared. "Why?"

"Told the others I couldn't meet up because I was making plans with you, so I'm glad you said yes because I didn't know if you were going with someone or not."

"I wouldn't have said no and I didn't have anything planned anyways," she revealed. "I haven't gone on a trip since Third Year."

Sirius spluttered, mouth falling open as he gaped at her confession. "Third Year?! Why not?"

Emilia felt a bit shy as she spoke, turning back to look at her finished breakfast on the table as her cheeks felt warm. She knew Sirius wasn't going to make fun of her, he never really did whenever she told him these small nuggets of truth, but it still felt embarrassing to reveal, to show this pathetic side of her to him. "I didn't really have anyone to hang around with."

"Well, now you have me to be annoying you."

The humour slightly seeped away from Emilia as she gazed at him, soft spoken and voice delicate. "You don't annoy me."

"Famous last words," he said, the tone of her voice completely going over his head. "I guess I'll just have to give you the entire Sirius Black experience and haul you everywhere then. Well, everywhere but the Three Broomsticks."

"Why not?"

Sirius gave a wave of his hand, brushing off her concern. "A misunderstanding concerning some poultry and a small, controlled fire that wasn't my fault."

The corners of her lips turned up as a breathy laugh left her, shaking her head at him. What was it with him and letting animals lose to run amuck around places? "When is it ever?"

Sirius gave a scoff at the implication behind her words. "Hey, I'm as innocent as they come! Almost as innocent as you."

Her face shifted into a deadpan expression. "I changed my mind."

Emilia turned to go, half way up out of her seat before Sirius' hand enclosed around the crux of her elbow and he was dragging her back down into her seat, those puppy dog eyes he was scarily good at staring at her again. "No, please don't leave me to wander around all alone, I'll be so lonely without you."

A huff left her, rolling her eyes as she pretended to spend time thinking about it, humming and hawing back and forth. "Well, I guess I could fit you into my daily schedule."

She threw his own words that he had said to James back at him and he gave a smirk. "I'll promise to be good, I don't want to ruin our Hogsmeade… partnership."

The way he said it made Emilia feel as if it was supposed to a joke she should know but couldn't for some reason, letting fly past her head instead of asking what he meant. "Smart choice."

The smirk he had curved into a grin and Sirius didn't seem inclined to let go of his grip on her arm, not that Emilia minded all too much. "The only ones I make."

Emilia didn't stress about the Hogsmeade trip until it came around on the Saturday and she awoke to the sight of snow, none of which she was surprised about; she had half expected it to snow considering the chill that was appearing in the air and the sight of the white landscape made the entire grounds of Hogwarts to seem idyllic, straight out of from a scene in a book. No, Emilia didn't worry about the snow or being cold.

Her worry came when she realised she had no idea what to wear.

She had never stressed about clothes before, had never put much thought onto what to put onto her body for the day but she rummaged in her chest, pulling out all that she could get her hands on in her attempts to find something satisfactory enough but it seemed there was nothing that she was pleased with; Emilia didn't understand why she was suddenly worried about what to wear, no one was going to care about if she wore pants or a skirt but she still couldn't make a decision and it was annoying.

What was she hoping to achieve? No one was going to be impressed no matter what she wore and Emilia stood in her pyjamas, chewing her nails as she stared down at her clothes, going back and forth on what she should wear. It was only Sirius, she didn't need to make a big deal out of it and she was sure he wouldn't give a jot about whatever she wore but… but Emilia didn't want him to think she didn't put in an effort, that she didn't care about hanging out with him. It was his belated birthday present after all, she wanted him to know that she wanted to make up for not giving him a proper present but with the rate she was going at by still being in her pyjamas this late in the morning, she might not even get to the village at all.

It felt different to hanging out with him at school; sitting beside him in class felt radically different to spending time outside of Hogwarts, outside of lunch and dinner and in between free periods but she didn't know why her mind was acting this way. Friends hung out together all the time, and that's what they were, weren't they? They were friends and she didn't need to spend so much time deliberating on what to wear because it wasn't going to matter how she looked. But her palms were sweaty, throat closed up as she pulled on her woollen tights, two of them to keep her warm and a pair of socks to, scarf wrapped around her and her jacket buttoned up, ignoring the shake of her hand as she brushed through her hair and catching herself trying to look more presentable than she usually did.

Emilia frowned at her reflection, feeling like a fool as she stared at herself, at how hard she was trying because she was trying for no one but herself it seemed, no one was going to take notice and she would probably laugh about this later after the trip because if she didn't put her ass in gear, she was going to miss it entirely.

Emilia had completely forgotten to ask Sirius where it was he wanted to meet up, leaving the Common room and only finding the remaining stragglers of First and Second Years, a few Sixth and Seventh Years who were trying to catch up with work and not bothering to go to on the trip. With no sight of Sirius, Emilia decided it would be best to meet up with the rest of the group of students going and hope for the best that he was there. He had that map of his, didn't he? He would have to come and find her if she couldn't find him.

But as she walked outside, Emilia could see not see head nor hide of Sirius and none of his friends either, standing off from the fringes of the crowd and feeling silly for having decided to wear a skirt when her breath was being crystalised into puffs of clouds as it left her mouth. It wasn't cold enough to make it unbearable, but Emilia felt silly for her decision – Sirius was probably going to see her and laugh at ridiculous she was.

Wherever he was.

It was getting closer to the time they were supposed to leave and Emilia's heart began to pick up the pace, eyes darting around the crowd and desperately trying to catch even a glimpse of him but had no success, hands clammy as she wondered if he had changed his mind about going and she felt too nervous to drop out now.

Then, a pair of hands clapped down on her shoulders from behind and Emilia all but jumped out of her shoes, catching onto her scream before it could leave her as a strangled gasp tore through her chest, eyes wide and wild as she turned to see a laughing Sirius behind her, nearly doubled over from the reaction she had given to him.

"Sirius!" Emilia spluttered, hand going to her chest where her heart felt fit to burst into cardiac arrest after the face as Sirius sidled out from behind her, still continuing to snicker as he stood up straight, holding his stomach as the last few bouts of laughter clung to the ends of his words. No one else seemed to have noticed Emilia's little outburst, too engrossed in their own chatter to give her and Sirius a second glance.

"Ha, got you. You're so easily startled," he teased, grinning at how Emilia was half stooped over, calming the erratic thumping in her chest with steady breaths. Prick, she hissed in her head but it felt half-arsed, glowering up at his smug face through her lashes, ignoring how snowflakes were catching on them.

"I think my heart just stopped," Emilia groaned, gulping in a wave of sharp, biting air that seemed to help slightly, standing up straight and wanting nothing more than to give him a smack across the arm.

"Oh, stop it you. I know I'm just so handsome," he said, hands in his pockets as he gave her a playful shove with his elbow and Emilia rolled her eyes. She was in no way going to even give him the benefit of knowing that she agreed with his statement, she would sooner help Filch clean the corridors with a toothbrush than do so.

But her eyes did a flicker over Sirius, taking in how he was bundled up with a thick coat, his Gryffindor scarf wrapped around him and his boots crunching the blanket of snow beneath them. He wore muted, dark colours, bringing how pale he looked in contrast and his hair seemed blacker, snowflakes catching on the strands and twinkling like diamonds and pearls, gracing him with a diadem that glowed.

Emilia continued to fear that she had dressed up too much, had not been practical at all in her choice of a skirt even despite the two pairs of tights and thick socks she wore over them, feeling ridiculous for spending so much time on what to wear because Sirius certainly didn't care about what she wore, so why did she? They weren't going anywhere special and Emilia felt like a fool for her morning's worry over what to wear because it didn't matter, who was she trying to look nice for? No one, and she internally laughed at herself for it because if she didn't laugh, she would berate herself out of embarrassment.

Emilia looked away, heart picking up the pace for a different reason now. She reached up and tugged the scarf up further so that it nearly consumed half of her face. "Now I wish it did stop."

"I would find a way to bring you back. We can't have something silly like death ruin our partnership!"

He kept saying that word like it was some inside joke that Emilia was not allowed to join in on, but since it was technically still his belated birthday, she decided not to comment on it. Instead, she shoved her hands into her pockets, regretting not packing herself a pair gloves to wear since she could already feel the frost lingering in the air as it settled into her bones, body taut as she tried not to shiver and let her teeth chatter. She wasn't going to complain, not with how Sirius was smiling and how… excited he looked.

It was only a trips to Hogsmeade, he probably had gone there dozens of times, so Emilia didn't know what was so exciting about going there, let alone with her. Perhaps she would finally find out, to share in on the feeling with him and tried not to let the cold weather ruin everything and make her to adopt a grumpy disposition.

Her nose already felt like it was growing icicles, the tip of it bright pink as she risked baring a hand to tug her scarf higher up around her chin so that it nearly went over her mouth entirely. "Yeah, well, with how cold it is, we might end up freezing to death."

"Stick close to me and you'll be fine," Sirius said and, with that, his hand took a hold of the sleeve of her jacket, giving it a slight tug to get her to follow his pull and she was pressed against him and she briefly thought he meant to wrap his arm around her shoulders to keep her there but then his hand dropped and he slipped it back into his pocket. Already warmth was choked in her cheeks and she was glad for the scarf that hid it partially. Sirius' smile was not dampened by the snow or the frost, cheeks splotched with a soft baby pink colour as he gazed down at her with curved eyes. "Worst comes to worst, I'll gently set myself on fire to keep you warm."

Emilia didn't deny him or herself the laugh that bubbled in the back of her throat at his words. "You're too kind. What would I ever do without you?"

"Probably live a peaceful and calm life."

It was true; if it weren't for him, she would probably still stuck in bed, her nose in a book and not speaking to anyone, let along hanging out with them. That been her life the year before, and the year before, and so on and on it went. It all felt so long ago, as if that was a life she had seen someone else living and she looked to Sirius, wondering where and who she might be had he not decided to stick around.

"Sounds boring," she decided, realising that perhaps she wouldn't settle for boredom and peace anymore. Ahead, McGonagall gave a call to the students that they would be leaving and the crowd was quick to disperse but Emilia and Sirius remained where they were, as if too caught up in their own little world.

"Glad we both agree on that one," he said and started forth, Emilia making to follow him before he turned around, hand out stretched and she thought he meant to tell her to stop, to not follow him before she stared at his palm faced towards her, open towards the sky and small flakes of snow fell, caught in his hand and sticking there before they melted into nothing. She was not sure what he meant, what he wanted her to do and then he spoke. "Shall we go?"

It was a brief moment of hesitation on her part, looking up at him and his cheeks seem more affected by the cold than they were before. He probably wanted her to hurry along before they froze to death before ever getting to the village and Emilia's hand unfurled in her pocket, bridging the gap between them before their hands met and his fingers curled around her, tight and warm, the puddles of snowflakes on her skin now too as they held hands.

His skin was warm as always and she felt it bleeding into every last part of her, occupying every last nook and cranny that made her whole. Sirius' smile brightened as she stepped close so that they were side by side, the empty space between them occupied by their linked hands.

"Let's go."

hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!

Bigfan: thank you so much! im glad you enjoyed and i hope to see your support for the coming chapters!

Epicthy: and thank YOU for your kind review! Believe me, i can't wait either for some romance and love between these two (keep an eye out for chapter 24 [side eye])

Megncl99: thank you! your kind words of support and love always mean the world to me! Im so excited to get into the juicy romance between these two, we've waited long enough for it!

humbabi: HOFRHAOF I KNOW! sometimes i have to stop because theyre so frickin CUTE! I cant wait for more cuteness (chapter 23 and 24 are going to KILL me)

Kaiya's Watergarden: ahhhh tysm! i always love reading your reviews and support! :)

LoveFiction.2021: thank you! im so excited to keep developing the relationship between these two!

marrin: thank you! it may have taken 22 chapters but now theyre officially bffs 4 lifers 3 thank u for the support and love ! x

haleygur7: it means so much to me to hear you enjoy this story and i hope i continue to meet expectations! :)

hollypop: thank you! im glad you enjoy! as for your question, i wrote emilia as a basis from my own experience of growing up but not in a way that she's me even if i project onto her, you know? i've never been diagnosed with autism, but i write emilia as a form of projection so even though i never intended to write her as having autism, if a lot of what she portrays is a way you can connect her as having autism, then please do so! i leave emilia as a somewhat open character for reader interpretation and i dont know if any readers have picked up, but i try not to give an in depth physical description of emilia (save for a very few qualities like height and hair length) because i want my readers to imagine her however they want to! i hope you continue to enjoy this story! 3 x

(this chapter is currently unedited and unreviewed so please be kind to the author if you spot any mistakes! i will come back at a later time to fix any errors xx)

hey besties, long time no see. i finally finished all my uni assignments and ive been working non-stop these past two weeks. being a hairdresser during christmas time is not fun even if the money makes up for it.

i hope you all have a lovely happy holidays!

song of choice while writing: lover by taylor swift (i shit u not this song is emilia and sirius' anthem)

Thanks for reading!