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chapter twenty-three.
"Sirius, slow down," Emilia huffed, trying her best not to slip on the frozen ground beneath her; she had almost already done so once before and it seemed that at any given moment, her feet were about to betray her again and she would end up bruised on her backside if she walked any faster than a snail's pace.
"Any slower and I'll stop walking," Sirius replied, letting Emilia grip onto the arm of his jacket as he kept one hand on her elbow, thoroughly too amused at the sight of Emilia looking half afraid with every step she made. They had already fallen behind the rest of the group, not that it mattered; Sirius had made an off hand comment that the rest of his friends had already been there before the rest of the students left and though Emilia didn't ask how they managed to get to Hogsmeade undetected, she had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with a magical piece of parchment. "I'm just walking at a very normal pace."
Emilia frowned, ignoring how stiff her hands felt as her fingers curled in around the material of Sirius' jacket; at one point she was fearful that she might end up tearing through it entirely but it remained sturdy beneath her grasp, a rope tethering her to remain upright. The snow had stopped some moments beforehand but the freeze in the air continued to nip at any exposed skin Emilia had showing. Sirius' own cheeks were splotched with red and pink, uneven patches on his skin that glowed bright against the white backdrop.
He looked very pretty.
Not that Emilia would ever tell him.
"Your stupidly long legs are too long," Emilia muttered, trying her best to speed up and ignore the way her feet sometimes slid along the ground for that bit longer than they should have, all the while she kept a hold on Sirius, just in case he decided to run off on her.
She could feel the way his fingers were digging into her elbow, an unspoken promise that even if she did slip, he would catch her in time. Or topple down on top of her, either one. "Or maybe your stupidly short legs are too short."
"My legs are normal length, yours are freakish."
"My proportions are perfect, thank you very much."
"What, and mine aren't?"
"No, yours beyond perfect," he replied instantly and her legs nearly went underneath her, causing her to use both hands to grab onto Sirius to save herself from making face with the ground, Sirius' own hand helping to steady her. Once she was sure that her footing was steady enough, Emilia hastily let go, pretending to be preoccupied with inspecting the ground with each step before Sirius' elbow nudged her. "Come on, you can hold onto me while you walk."
He said it in a teasing tone through the curve of a smile and Emilia frowned. "I'm not a child, Sirius."
He gave a shrug, once again nudging Emilia until she finally slipped her arm through his, grasping it tightly. If she did end up falling, she promised she would bring him down too. "You walk like one."
"How does a person even walk like a child?"
"Like how you're walking right now."
The corners of Emilia's mouth tugged down further as she narrowed her eyes up at him through a glare; the snow had calmed slightly to the point it was barely non-existent and paused its assault on her bare skin, but the cold was still there and Sirius was warm, Emilia pulled in close so that she could feel it roll off of him and she couldn't help but press the side of her body against his in order to leech some of it from him. "Is part of your birthday present allowing you to bully me?"
Sirius rolled his eyes at the accusation. "Yes, I'm going to push you into the lake once we get back."
"I can't even swim."
"Then I'll only drown you a small bit."
Emilia snorted. "Fine, that'll be your Christmas present too."
Sirius grinned at her and then he was tugging his arm free from hers and she wondered if he thought she was safe enough to not fall on her arse, his absence making way for an assault from the cold settling into her bones before he wrapped his arm around the back of her shoulders, pulling her in close; she came to just below his shoulder, all but shielded from the cold and she hadn't realised how stiff she was as the heat rolling off from him settled into her joints, shoving her hands into her pockets. "You're too kind, Emilia dear."
Emilia's features contorted, nose scrunching; one day, perhaps in the future, she would get used to him calling her these things – that it would elicit a reaction the same as when he would simply call her by her name just as when he called her 'love' and 'darling' and 'dear'. They were like low hanging fruit that stuck to the ends of her name when he spoke, as sweet as any peach in summer. "You sound like an old man when you say that."
Sirius let out an aghast noise, jostling her in defence. "Excuse you, I've never had any complaints."
Emilia sniffed, quietly knowing why no one would ever complain about Sirius calling them these things; they always sounded so natural coming from him, so gentle, ripe with affection that dripped from his tongue. It was a taste that anyone could get used to. "I'm opening up a formal suggestion box."
"Anything else you want to change about me? Perhaps cut my legs off so I'm as short as you?" Sirius sighed, despaired over her outward indifference to his habit. At least Emilia knew she was getting control of the heat that would flush in her cheeks whenever he did call her such things.
"I would suggest your tongue instead."
That grin of his turned wicked and he waggled his brows, leaning in close so that his voice might have been a whisper. "Once again, no complaints."
That supposed control she had went out the window as her cheeks burst with pink and red, warm enough to melt the touch of any snowflake gracing her cheek and she caught a strangled noise building up in her throat as she gave him a shove, refusing to look at him as she trudged on. "You're gross."
Behind her, Sirius gave her a laugh, footsteps quickening as he caught up and shoved his hands back into his own pocket. "You're the one making it gross."
A look of mortification was sewn into Emilia's face as she shook her head fervently up at him. "I am not!"
"You're so dirty minded, Emilia," Sirius continued on, willingly electing to ignore her protests as he snickered, giving her shoulder a playful shove with his arm, not at all put off by the very unamused look that became apparent on her features. "How did I never know this about you?"
"Because it's not true," she insisted and, just as she was about to further defend her case, her foot caught onto a patch of black ice, nearly doing away from her entirely until Sirius managed to catch her, arm around her back and saving Emilia from cracking her skull on the pavement as a choked squeak paused in the bottom of her throat, heart thumping too quickly and too loudly in her ears.
It was a serious case of déjà vu, holding onto him as he did to her, eyes blown out and staring into the grey that felt warmer than the clouds above and her heart continued its stuttering tempo, missing beats that Emilia felt might have killed her entirely.
And Sirius was smiling, he always was; maybe he knew just how pretty of a smile he had or how infectious it was, maybe that's why he was always smiling. "It seems you've fallen for me after all."
Emilia dropped her head up to the sky and let her body weight drop, hoping that she would be too heavy for him to hold up. The boy had no filter from his brain to his mouth and an exasperated sigh left her mouth. "Just drop me already, I think I threw up a bit."
"You love to keep me humble," Sirius said, still all too pleased with himself as he propped Emilia back to her feet, steady on the ground and wiped off imaginary dust on her shoulders and arms, his bare hands pale from the cold, the tips of his fingers pink. She didn't know how he wasn't frozen with the cold as she was and sniffed.
"Someone has to," she murmured as Sirius ceased in his dusting down of her and her hand unconsciously wound itself around the crux of his elbow again, telling herself that it was just safe to be sure since she didn't want the insides of her skull to be spilt like a broken egg on the ground. "You might end up floating off if your head gets any bigger."
Sirius looked down at her, raising a brow and gave her hand a pointed stare. "Not with how tight you're holding onto me, I won't."
Emilia pursed her lips but did not lessen the strength of her grip. "It's slippy!"
Sirius made a show of staring at the ground, turning his neck to look over both shoulders before turning back to her. "I seem to be holding up just fine."
"Not if I push you, you won't be," she mumbled, trying to make her threat seem plausible by pretending to spook him by giving a mock push of his arm but it seemed to have fallen through as Sirius gave a bark of laughter.
"Maybe you're just jealous I have more grace than you," he countered and stuck his tongue out and, like a child, Emilia could not help but return the action as well, a snowflake catching and melting on the tip of her tongue.
Already, she could hear the hustle and bustle of Hogsmeade as they finally caught up and she felt bad they had taken so long getting here in the first place; the rest of the group had many other members who had slipped with their friends laughing at their fall but Sirius had told her to be careful and that it wasn't a race to get to the village.
There were crowds of other students migrating from one place to the other, spilling into the shops and choking at the door as she and Sirius paused, taking in the scenery; a lot of the storefronts had put up their Christmas decorations despite it being early November, taking advantage of the festive weather as Emilia wondered where to go from here. She had not been to Hogsmeade in some years and was lacking in the knowledge of the best place to go or what to see.
"Are you going to be meeting up with any of the others?" she asked hesitantly, not able to see any of Sirius' friends in the crowds of the other students; he had said that he wanted to hang out with her, but Emilia wasn't sure for how long that would be, if he would end up going to meet up with his other friends to hang out with them.
Sirius looked to her, raising an eyebrow. Their arms had gone back to being looped around one another, Sirius' hand in his pocket as Emilia linked her hands together, effectively locking them both in place and unable to break the hold even if she wanted to. "Trying to get rid of me so soon?"
She let out a breath of air that might have been a laugh. "You're very observational."
"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm yours for the entire day," he said matter-of-factly and Emilia's neck hurt with how fast she whipped it up to face him.
"But I thought this was supposed to be your present." Not that she was complaining; spending the entire day with Sirius in Hogsmeade? Well, she could think of far worse things to do that she could spend her time with.
"What can I say? I'm just a gift that keeps on giving," he grinned and craned his neck over the heads of the crowd, trying to spot something but what that was, Emilia didn't know until he started tugging her along with him. "Come on, let's go to Honeydukes."
Emilia had only been to Honeydukes once and she had spent her entire time going from each confectionary stand to the next, desperately trying not to spend all her money on everything she saw. She doubted this time would be any different and she had only brought a few galleons with her for spending money, hoping that maybe she would be able to buy Sirius an actual birthday to make up for the fact that her time was all that she could offer up to him.
Sirius helped to carve a path through the gathering bodies at the entrance, bringing Emilia along with him until they were in from being out in the cold, her body tingling at the change in temperature and the entire place was fit to burst with how many other people there were but with Sirius gaining a head over the crowd, he was able to see exactly where they were going, pulling Emilia along for the ride.
He found them a relatively quiet corner away from the majority and left them both breathing room; the place smelled of sweet things, of honey and artificial flavourings, taking in the sight of the ornately wrapped individual chocolates and candy that littered the shelves.
"Did you know we actually found a secret passageway into Honeydukes?" Sirius whispered to her, bending close to her so that she could feel his breath ghost her cheek and Emilia stopped herself from jumping at the closeness.
She gave a quick glance of their surroundings before leaning in close as he had. "How?"
His grin was wicked. "Through sheer willpower and mischief."
Emilia shook her head in disbelief; he had shown her the map during the week again and seemed ecstatic to explain the ins and outs of it, the feeling doubled when Emilia kept asking questions and trying to pry answers from him about the whole thing. "It still amazes me how much you found out. Does Filch even know?"
Sirius gave a shrug and inspected a box of sweets that claimed to be able to be so acidic, they would burn a hole right through a person's tongue; Emilia had no idea why anyone would want to indulge on such things, pulling a face as she picked up another box to read the back of it. "Probably, but I don't think he'd be one to frequent Hogsmeade. He's too much of a sour git to be spending his time in here."
She couldn't help the laugh that was pulled from her, spilling past her lips as she continued her inspection of the confectionary before her. "Running after the likes of you probably hasn't helped him to be any nicer."
"The like's of me? Just what are you implying, Emilia?" he quizzed, clicking his tongue and Emilia gave an innocent shrug.
"Oh, nothing at all."
Sirius leaned against a shelf displaying product, arms over his chest and staring down at her. "Are you trying to say that I'm not an exemplary student and wizard?"
Her eyes narrowed up at him. "Weren't you the one who set of a kneazle into the boys' bathroom in Third Year?"
A fond look graced Sirius' features at the mention of the memory, though for many others it would elicit the same reaction; if Emilia recalled correctly, Hagrid had to pull the kneazle off from where it had latched onto the bottom of a Seventh year with the help of Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout. The boy ended up having to wear a cast for a week, propped up on pillows with his ass in the air as Madam Pomfrey tried her best to lessen the presence of any scars.
Eventually the gossip had even met her ears and it turned out that very same Seventh Year had been bullying the younger students into doing homework for him, so perhaps it was deserved, perhaps it wasn't.
Sirius, it seemed, decided that it very much so was deserved as a dreamy smile split his lips. "Ah, classic. I just have a way with beasts, among other things."
"How is it you've managed to retain any limbs, let alone still be alive, with all your pranks, I will never know."
"I ask myself that question all the time," he commented, flickering over the shelves before perking up and reaching over Emilia's head to grab at something. "Oh, look! These are like the muggle sweets you liked. Lemon sweets for you, Lemon."
"Is that all you think I eat?"
He took the plastic bag in hand, pausing to strange look. "Isn't it?"
"I wish."
He tossed the bag back and forth between his hands as Emilia continued to peruse, not really finding anything that she could spend money on as a present and she realised she didn't know what it was Sirius actually liked, what it was she could even buy him to make up for not being able to give him a present on his actual birthday. "You going to buy anything?"
Emilia sighed and shook her head, feeling slightly defeated. Behind them, the crowd was thickening, trying to leave as quick as they could only to have more take their place. Emilia could imagine half of Hogwarts was going to be suffering from a sugar rush by the time dinner came around. "No, I don't want to waste any money."
Sirius hummed, clicking his tongue and turned back to the shelf where he had taken the package in hand from. "Well, I do."
Emilia's brows furrowed as she watched him grab more packs of sweets, piling them in his arms and she couldn't imagine him managing to eat all of what he was intending on buying, let alone of the same flavour. "What are you doing?"
He paused, as if it were obvious what he was doing. "Buying you things."
Emilia's eyes widened and she stepped forward trying to stop his hand reaching up to grab more but just fell short, unable to stop him and he kept what he acquired close to his chest, not letting a single thing go like a greedy dragon hoarding its gold, Emilia helplessly trying to put some of what he was grabbing back. "Sirius, no!"
"Sirius, yes," he countered and Emilia's hand snatched his elbow, dragging it away from being able to take a hold of anything else. He couldn't be serious, could he? Why the Hell would he buy her things, especially so much of it? She hadn't even been able to buy him anything, what was he doing trying to buy her things?
Her grip was steel, trying to tug him away from the shelf entirely. "Don't be ridiculous, I don't need nor want you to buy me things."
He deflated a bit and Emilia took the opportunity to snatch away the hoard of sweets he had accumulated, trying to put them back as neatly as she could so they wouldn't fall on top of her head and he had a frown on his face, but did not move to stop her. "Why not?"
"Because I just don't," she explained, moving to take the last one but he stepped out of her reach, taking it in the hand that was on the opposite side of her and when she looked in his eyes, there was a determination that she didn't like burning there.
"Not even just a small bag?" he asked, looking down at the bag as if it were something precious and she a monster for trying to harm it.
"I won't eat them," she warned but it didn't seem to deter Sirius from whatever game he was trying to play. "This is supposed to be your birthday present don't buy me things."
"But what if I want to?"
"Put the bag down."
"No."
"Sirius."
"Emilia."
"I won't buy them if you get them out of my hands," Sirius stated and then, to prove his point, he hoisted the small bag of sweets over his head, far out of Emilia's reach but daring her to try, nonetheless.
Emilia stared, neck craned back and her eyes fell back to him in disbelief. Was he going to make her jump for it? "You can't be serious."
"As a heart attack," he said solemnly, jiggling the bag as if it were a pair of keys to try and entice her but Emilia didn't trust the look on his face.
"I'm not playing this game," Emilia scoffed, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over chest as he continued to dangle the bait in front of her, a calculating sneer on his mouth. "I'm not going to debase myself by doing this, that's just – "
She tried to be quick as she went to snatch it from Sirius but he moved his hand away in time, putting it just out of her reach and Emilia forgot all sense of pride as she tried to jump for it, feeling it grace the tips of her finger each time but never being able to get it in her grasp. When failure met her, Emilia tried again, trying to instead for his arm to bend it back down but his bones would not bend or break no matter how hard she tried.
Sirius seemed thoroughly amused watching her try, laughter growing louder and Emilia had completely forgotten they were in a public space, breathing like a dragon with each huff as her feet became rooted to the ground before springing up again; she knew how it might look to outsiders, how ridiculous she looked all the while Sirius kept laughing and taunting her to keep trying until she finally stopped, glaring up at him, red in the face from embarrassment.
Emilia stood her ground, glowering up at Sirius. "Sirius, do not buy me them."
"Well, I can't just not buy them now after you've failed. What will people think of me if I don't keep my word?" he said, already backing away, as if he was helpless to stop it.
"I could just hit you in the balls."
"Hey, whoa, let's not resort to violence here. I'll only buy you a small bag, so don't try to castrate me," Sirius laughed nervously, keeping an eye on her and walking sideways to protect himself as he traded the bag in hand out for a smaller one, all the while making sure he wouldn't suddenly lose his ability to have children. "Stay there, I'll be right back."
He stared her down, making sure she would run after him before he darted off into the crowd, leaving her alone and Emilia let out a huff; she didn't know why he was so insistent on buying her something, it would be better if he bought her nothing at all. It made her feel strange – Emilia couldn't recall the last time someone bought her something and it felt foreign, alien to her that she didn't know why exactly it bothered her so much. She stared at Sirius' head that bobbed above the surface of the crowd, trying to cut through the bodies and get to the counter but the tide of students pushing back at him and she could see irritation flit on his face, forced to wait impatiently.
Emilia shook her head, letting a quiet breath bleed through her lips as she turned away, making sure to stay where she was lest she suffer his ire at having moved from the spot he told her not to. Maybe I should hide on him as get back, Emilia mused, thinking back to that morning where he had sprung up on her and gave her a fright out of nowhere and revenge was looking a lot sweeter now.
Emilia turned on the spot, ducking slightly to prevent his cautious grey eyes from catching her as she did a quick look about the place, trying to find any display shelf that she could slip behind in order to jump out of him; the thought of Sirius letting out a shrill scream of fright was enough to make Emilia to catch the giggle that was bubbling at the back of her throat as she continued her espionage, making sure to keep an eye on Sirius so she wouldn't be caught out.
Turning the corner of an overflowing shelf filled with sours, Emilia caught herself in time before she knocked over another body, feet screeching to a halt as her spine snapped up straight and her eyes met a large pair of watery ones.
Peter seemed shocked to have spotted her, buggy eyes blinking at the sight of her and Emilia's previous playfulness slinking away on her at being caught out. Despite the packed shop milling around them, there was a stretched silence that thickened with awkwardness as the two stared at one another.
Emilia had not seen, let alone spoken to, Peter in quite some time since she had formulated the theory of him purposely avoiding her ever since she started hanging out with Sirius and his friends. Apart from the out glimpse of the back of his head as it turned around to walk away or the hushed, fumbling movements of packing his things up in order to rush out the Great Hall, there had not been a single word or glance exchanged between the two and the knowledge of this existing made the awkwardness feel like sludge down her throat with each breath.
Peter's eyes were blown out wide, white and seemingly alarmed, like a deer caught in the headlights of a car, and his round cheeks were quickly turning a splotchy, scarlet colour that was bleeding into his ears and leaving his face like a ripe, shiny apple. Emilia's voice was sucked into the bottom of her chest with a sharp breath and she took to fiddling with the hem of her coat, suddenly wishing that Sirius was already done with buying her those sweets.
Peter's lips parted and it took him a moment to find his voice, breathless and leaving him in a tumble. "Hi, Emilia."
Well, at least he wasn't blatantly ignoring her while she was in front of him, that had to count for something, right?
Emilia forced a smile onto her face that felt a bit wavery, trying to not be too deterred from the fact he definitely had not expected, nor wanted, to see her in the first place. "Oh, Peter. Hi, I almost didn't see you there."
Her smile was returned with one of his own, thin and shy and he ducked his head, fiddling with a packet of sweets in his hands, stray snowflakes still clinging to his gloves. Watching him under a quiet, critical eye, Emilia didn't sense the feeling that Peter loathed her enough to ignore her; seeing him now, he seemed… shy, almost. "You enjoying Hogsmeade?"
Emilia watched Peter's cheeks turn darker, brighter and the tension from before seemed to dissipate, muscles relaxing as the smile on her face became more genuine. Perhaps she had been wrong from the beginning, too self centred in thinking that Peter was a ghost around his friends all because of her.
Emilia nodded, brushing her hair behind her eyes, an action catching Peter's eyes before she noticed his ears turn a dark pink and he looked away again. "Yes, it's a lot of fun."
"Are you here by yourself?" Peter asked quite quickly and there was something shining in his eyes, more animated and the packet in his hands crinkled as he tightened his grip on it. More doubt was cast on Emilia's theory that he secretly hated her as she studied him and she wondered why she had thought that that was the case at all to begin with.
Emilia shook her head, jabbing a thumb over her shoulder in a general direction to wherever Sirius was currently caught in the current of other customers, tilting her head back slightly to catch a glimpse of his dark hair over the crowd. "No, I'm with Sirius. He's just gone off to pay for something."
Something shifted in Peter's face, minute and barely noticeable that Emilia blinked and she wondered if she imagined it in the first place. "Oh. Oh, right."
Suddenly, that previous awkwardness that had been present before shifted back into place as Peter took to staring at his hands, wringing the plastic bag between his fingers. Emilia was once again at a lost, fretting internally over if she had said something wrong or had annoyed him somehow but couldn't scrape up a reason good enough to warrant him pulling back slightly.
She chewed the inside of her cheek, fiddling with the hem of her heavy coat as she tried to alleviate what ever it was that tying them both down into an uneasy silence; Emilia never thought she would see the day that she would willingly try to break an awkward pause with small talk, but with being around Sirius all the time, quietness seemed to become more a stranger to her as of late.
Speaking of Sirius, Emilia cast a quick, small glance over her shoulder and could just spot the top of his head over the crowd, tugged forward by the tide of students and she was relieved that he seemed nearly finished with his purchase. Turning back, Emilia pushed a cough from her throat and tried to fill the air between her and Peter, who seemed to enjoy being caught up in his own thoughts at the moment than talking with her.
Whatever, Emilia thought sullenly, if he doesn't want to talk, then he doesn't have to. I'm not just going to ignore a friend of Sirius'. With that, Emilia felt her lips take on a less than sincere smile compared to before. "What about you? Are you enjoying – "
"Have you gone to Madam Puddifoot's yet?" Peter cut her off, deciding that his hands were of no greater interest of his as his eyes flickered up to meet Emilia's, a curiosity shining there that had been hidden before.
Emilia felt her brows twitch together in confusion; Madam Puddifoot's? Why would they have gone there? It was always full to the brim with couples, bursting at the seams with students nearly lighting the place on fire with red cheeks and steamy glances at one another as they held hands under the frilly table clothes, all the while Madam Puddifoot glided in between the tightly packed tables with ease and grandeur.
It was a place that everyone went to on dates, the worst time of year being Valentine's Day and, as such, Emilia had never set foot inside such a place, only managing to catch glimpses of it from the outside through the gaps of the condensation that clung to the windows every single day of the year.
Therefore, it was a strange question Peter put forth to her; why would she have gone there? All Madam Puddifoot served was sweet things, cakes, teas, and coffee, hardly anything to keep a person full. Technically, Sirius was ousted from The Three Broomsticks, but he wasn't banned, per say, and if they were going to go for food, Emilia assumed that's the place they would go to. Besides, what would everything think of her and Sirius going to Madam Puddifoot's, drowning in a sea of puppy love and giggling? With how secluded Hogwarts was from the rest of the world, the gossiping pool was practically a pond and people would find all sorts of things to talk about to keep themselves entertained.
The thought of her and Sirius being trapped in Madam Puddifoot's, watching everyone else hold hands and make eyes at each other, pulling their chairs close to one another so they were practically fused together, always finding a way to be touching and holding one another – it was different when she and Sirius did it because, because they didn't do it in that way. It was enough to make Emilia's cheeks spark and burn, trying to push the thought from her head.
Emilia shook her head, an airy laugh leaving her and trying her best to regain composure. "Oh, no. No, we haven't. This is our first stop."
"You probably will," Peter stated matter-of-factly, though it sounded like it meant to be more to himself than for Emilia to hear but her ears had already picked up on it.
"I… will?" Emilia echoed, head tilted slightly in confusion as Peter hummed, looking to the stand of confectionary while keeping an air of nonchalance about him, all the while not meeting her inquisitive eyes. Emilia really wished that Sirius would bloody well hurry up.
Peter clicked his tongue, an unusual calmness about him. He took to sorting through the bags of sweets as he took his time to answer her query. Then, Peter looked to her with an air of confusion around him – but confused as in a way that he didn't know why Emilia didn't know the answer, as if it should be obvious to her as it was to him, as it was to everyone else. It made her feel ignorant, but worse – it made her feel stupid.
"Of course," Peter stated, sounding very assured of what he was saying and it made Emilia feel even more stupid for not supposedly knowing. "That's where Sirius always brings girls on dates."
Emilia was glad that the Wizarding World had not heard of fire alarms because the way her face lit up was enough to burn the entirety of Honeydukes down and reduce it to nothing more than a mere, smouldering pile of ash. Peter had to have seen the way her face became the colour of rouge, how it bleed across her cheeks and into her ears, down her neck and left her steaming and Emilia wished nothing more than to run outside into the cold and plunge her face into a pile of snow like an ostrich.
Why on Earth would Peter ever think that her and Sirius were ever on a date? Who would ever think such a think? It was a ridiculous notion – it might have made her laugh if Emilia could muster up a single sound; a date? Her? Sirius? Her and Sirius? Sirius and her? It was completely laughable, silly and ludicrous; she and Sirius were friends but some people held the belief that men and women couldn't be friends, yet here they were: friends. And friends hung out with one another all the time, that didn't mean every time they hung out meant it was a date.
Was that what Peter was imagining? That she and Sirius would go to Madam Puddifoot's and hold hands on top of the table and giggle with apple coloured cheeks? It made her heart seize up in embarrassment at the thought, stomach tripping and flipping over itself as Emilia tried not to dwell on the image of it lest it make her wither away; she couldn't even manage to squeeze out a spluttered denial as her voice slipped away on her, face slowly but surely taking on a shade that would shame even the proudest of cherries.
It was preposterous – a date? The word kept ringing in her head, bouncing in her skull and branding itself onto the bone, hands fisting the hem of her jacket as her throat closed up, ignoring the way her heart felt like it had dropped onto the floor between her and Peter.
Just because Sirius was her friend didn't mean he wanted to date her, or take her out on dates – he could have any one in their year (if he hadn't already had them), and Emilia doubted he had a laundry list he was going through in order to meet some kind of goal to date every girl in Seventh Year. Sirius certainly didn't like her like that, he couldn't because they were friends and he saw her as a friend, so whatever Peter was thinking was far from the truth and it wouldn't do Sirius any good if people started spreading rumours over the ridiculous notion that he would like her out of so many others.
Gathering herself, Emilia promptly shook her head, hands out and following the motion as she felt the breath that had been stewing in her lungs leave her in a gust, breathy and rushed. "What?! No, no, we're not – we aren't – this isn't a date."
But Peter didn't seem entirely convinced, perhaps it was due to the fact she was as read as the baubles hanging on the Christmas tree, or the fact she could barely string together a coherent sentence. Emilia's lips pressed together into a thin line, hoping that she could become more convincing and nip whatever false suspicion Peter had in the bud. "It isn't?"
"Of course it's not, it's – we're just hanging out," Emilia insisted and Peter seemed less incredulous as she became more assertive, voice more steady. She had to convince him – what if he told Sirius that he thought the two of them were on a date? Sirius would definitely laugh, that was for sure; it made something within Emilia wilt away slightly, that the thought of anyone dating her would be a laughable concept. She felty the warmth drip away from her face as her heart steadied its beat. "Definitely not a date."
Peter stared for a moment, still sceptical but once Emilia's cheeks returned to their natural colour, he seemed more inclined to believe her and, suddenly, a smile grew across his round face and he perked up. "Maybe he won't bring you there then. He brings a lot of girls there all the time."
Emilia understood he meant it as a comfort, perhaps after seeing the way she had vehemently denied the very idea that Sirius had brought her on a date, but it felt… empty, hollow almost. She didn't understand how the idea of Sirius dating so many other girls was supposed to be comforting in the slightest. She did her best to train her face so as to not let whatever this strange feeling that was afflicting her seep onto the surface and into her features where Peter might pick it up. "He does?"
Peter nodded his head enthusiastically and it made that wire around Emilia's heart tighten every so slightly. "Yep, he even gets a discount for how many he's brought there. He's probably half of Madam Puddifoot's business by this point."
"Oh," was all Emilia could manage for a moment, pulling a face before she pulled herself back together. It was strange, this feeling – it felt cold, yet tasted bitter and she had no idea why.
She had seen him around plenty of girls before, had seen him talk and hang out with him, but had never had this feeling cling to her insides like this before. It felt different, it felt wrong.
Emilia didn't like this feeling at all.
It made her feel guilty and ashamed, making her feel like she should be shaking her head and tutting at herself. It was alien to her, whatever that was sludging through her veins, and it made her heart feel heavy, arms moving to cross over her chest as if to stow away into herself and wanting more than to hide from Peter's intensive gaze.
Emilia took a breath and trudged through this feeling, hoping that if she ignored it then its disappearance would become reality. "Oh, well, there won't be any discount for us because this isn't a date. At all."
Peter, in comparison, seemed to be in a better mood and his grin seemed more genuine than ever before. "So are you free then? Have you been able to head to Zonko's yet?"
Emilia didn't really feel like going anywhere but back to her bed – this wrong feeling inside of her felt sticky, catching onto every thought and making her want to crawl away into nothing. As much as she didn't like the idea of her and Sirius going on a date in Madam Puddifoot's, there was something about the idea of him going on dates with other girls that Emilia didn't like more. "No, not yet."
"Well, I'm about to go there now before I meet up with Remus!" Peter offered, completely unaware that Emilia wanted nothing more than to find the deepest pit in Britain and bury herself in it at that moment. "You can come if you like?"
Emilia blinked, surprised at his offer; hadn't she been under the impression he hated her not a mere few moments ago and now he was asking her to hang out of his own volition? "Really?"
"Yeah, I'm sure Sirius probably has a date with some other girl planned," Peter laughed, waving a dismissive hand in the air and Emilia desperately tried to ignore the feeling that was pulled to the surface once more by Peter's words. I hate this, a soft voice echoed within her, I don't like this feeling at all. "So if you don't have anything else to do, you can come with me if you like."
"Come where?" A voice spoke behind Emilia and Peter, both jumping and looking to see Sirius squeeze through the crowd until he was standing at Emilia's side, looking grumpy and displeased at having to stand around for so long. At the sight of him, that wrong feeling inside of Emilia seemed to dissipate slightly, glad that he had returned and Sirius reached up to push back a loose curl that had fallen into his eye. "Merlin, the line in this place is Hell to stand in."
Emilia shook her head and it was as if those horrid thoughts that left a scummy residue on her insides had never happened. "Then maybe you shouldn't have stood in line to save yourself a world of trouble."
"No trouble at all, don't be like that," Sirius grinned and he held out the packet of sweets he had gone through trouble and toil for. Emilia held out her hand and Sirius placed them onto the centre of her palm, her eyes staring at them. She had all but forgotten about Peter. "Here you are, Lemon."
Emilia gazed at them for a moment and she realised she didn't want to fight with him over them anymore; she couldn't remember the last time someone had bought her anything as a gift and she had been uncomfortable because of it being an entirely new concept to her. Sirius didn't mean anything bad by it, Emilia knew that, and she placed the sweets in her pocket, patting them fondly as she smiled up at him. "Thank you. I'll have to buy you something to make it even."
The grin on Sirius' mouth grew wider and he scoffed, dismissing her offer with a hand and looking off to the side; the heat of the shop was getting to him too it seemed as Emilia spied how his cheeks became dusted with a soft hue of pink. "Don't even think about it."
"How come you're allowed to buy me something but I can't buy you anything?" she asked, giving him a light push with her arm.
"Because that's just the way the world works."
"That doesn't seem entirely fair."
"And that's life," he countered, shoving his hands into his pockets and turned to the spot in front of them, Emilia following his gaze and she had completely forgotten Peter was still there, feeling ashamed at having done so since he had been so nice in talking to her and even asking if she wanted to go with him to Zonko's. Peter's previous enthusiasm had leaked away and perhaps she had finally given him a reason to hate her after she went and blatantly gave him the cold shoulder after Sirius' arrival. "So what's this about going where?"
Peter blinked, staring up at Sirius before turning his eyes to Emilia and her own widened when she remembered their previous conversation – a conversation that involved a topic that Emilia really did not want Sirius to hear. "Oh, well, I asked Emilia – "
"He wanted to know if we want to go to Zonko's with him," Emilia hastily cut in, not even giving Sirius the chance to pick up a hint on what it was exactly that Peter and her had been talking about before he had come.
Sirius screwed his face up and Emilia risked a glance to Peter, who's tight lipped look mimicked her own and she hoped he wouldn't blab to Sirius about how he thought the two of them were on a date. "Zonko's? The place'll be packed. There's not a chance we'll all get in at once."
Peter lapsed into a moment of silence as nervousness chewed Emilia's insides up, watching his round face remain neutral before he gave a nod of agreement. God, if he didn't like Emilia before, he definitely didn't like her now after she just cut him off so rudely like that. "Yeah, you're right. Three's a crowd. But maybe another time."
"You're going?" Sirius asked, though didn't seem at all surprised. If anything, he seemed quite glad that Peter wasn't going to stick around, which was strange considering the two of them were friends. Maybe even friends needed space away from one another.
"I told Remus I would after he finished up at Scrivenshaft's," Peter said and Emilia knew that lack of enthusiasm was not a trick of the imagination as she watched Peter, shove whatever it was he was holding onto a random shelf and keeping his eyes trained on the floor, appearing as if he wanted nothing more than to leave.
Sirius, on the other hand, seemed oblivious and freed a pocketed hand to wave at Peter. "Make sure to get more stinkbombs we can put into the Slytherin changing rooms."
"Sure," was all Peter said on the matter and gave a lame wave that Emilia half heartedly returned. "Bye."
"Bye Peter," she called out but it seemed to go unheard as Peter weaved through the crowd until she could no longer spot him. Emilia was ashamed to say she was glad to see him go as she really didn't want him talking to Sirius about how he thought they were on a date, nor did she want him talking about how her mood took a downward spiral when he mentioned that Sirius might ditch her for a date.
"Knowing James, he'll have already got kicked out of Zonko's for messing about again," Sirius spoke up, rousing Emilia from her worries and she turned her head up at him, trying to ignore the way her heart flipped from how close he was. It's different, she tried telling herself – different from Madam Puddifoot's, different from the young couples making heart eyes at each other and finding any excuse to touch one another.
Lately, it felt like Emilia was trying to convince herself more than others.
"Speaking from experience?" she asked, throat feeling dry and this place was becoming too claustrophobic, too tightly packed and she could barely hear Sirius unless he bent himself down to her height to talk in her ear.
As if reading her mind, Sirius started to make way towards the door and Emilia's hand was quick to take a grasp of him, unintentionally managing to grab his pinky and ring finger in her hold, his entrapped fingers clutching her hand. That familiar burn returned once more and Emilia wondered if one of these days she was just going to stay a permanent shade of pink from how often she was blushing lately. "I'm not technically banned, but would be wise not to show my face there so soon after the last time."
Emilia was glad he was faced away from her so that he couldn't see how she rolled her eyes at him. "Well, we can head to Dervish and Banges instead?"
"Might in a while," he said and the two broke through the mouth of Honeydukes and out onto the streets, Emilia quickly reminding herself to let go of Sirius' hand, shoving her own into her pockets and feeling the plastic packet crinkle around her deathly grip. Snowflakes were already clinging to the ink strands of Sirius' hair and a foolish thought of reaching up to pluck them free rushed through Emilia's mind. Sirius, however, remained none the wiser. "I'm famished, we should go get something to eat."
"Oh, the Three Broomsticks is just down the street, if you're willing to show face," Emilia put forth, jabbing a thumb down the street where groups of other students were gathering, desperate to get inside from the cold.
"I would be, but I'm not in the mood for some questionable stew," Sirius sighed, bringing his arms close to him to shield off the cold that was settling into them and there was a thoughtful look marring his features as his eyes flittered about, taking in the pools of students that gathered at each shop door.
The cold wasn't entirely unbearable but now that Sirius had mentioned food, Emilia's stomach was protesting for some relief as she had not managed to eat breakfast at all that morning and was paying the price for it. Sirius and Emilia stood close to one another, like two birds leaning against each other on a twig, and she let him stew in his silence, hoping he would take the risk of going to The Three Broomsticks because Emilia really didn't like the idea of her lunch being sweets.
Then, after a moment of deliberation, Sirius spoke.
"How about Madam Puddifoots?"
Emilia might have been floored if her bones hadn't been frozen solid by Sirius' words. "What?"
He sniffed, completely unaware and pointed to the shop in question, a shop where young couples were leaving and entering in their droves, clutching each others hands and looking like cherubs with their pink cheeks. Emilia's own face felt drained of any warmth at that moment. "Well, it's nearer and I know she doesn't have rat in her food."
"You want to go there?" She spluttered, wide eyed and all but slack jawed, trying not to let the echo of Peter's words from before overtake her completely and drown all sense and logic.
Sirius was looking down at her now, confused by her odd reaction and his head was titled to the side; he had no idea, of course he didn't and it made Emilia feel even more aware of how awkward she was feeling, how she was making things strange by her failure to act normal. "Is there a reason I shouldn't be going there? I'm pretty sure the time I knocked over a table wasn't reason enough to have me permanently barred."
Emilia fervently shook her head, swallowing roughly as she tried not to let what Peter had said before get the better of her; Sirius just wanted food and it was the one place that guaranteed he wouldn't be kicked out, there was no reason for her to start thinking silly things about her and Sirius being on a date. If she had the courage to tell him her thoughts, she knew Sirius would have laughed at the thought of it as well.
But that didn't make her feel any better.
In fact, it made her feel worse.
Emilia turned away and tried to retrain her face into it's usual mask of neutrality. "No, we can go. Do you want to go?"
"I suggested it, didn't I?" Sirius pointed out and Emilia's palms were becoming slick with sweat; at least Sirius was being nice enough not to point out how weird she was behaving.
"You did."
She risked a glance up at him and saw that Sirius' features were knotted together, as if his brain was working at full capacity to understand why Emilia was reacting the way she was and she couldn't help but wince; at least she knew that she would never make it as an actor. "I'm confused, are we talking in riddles? Is there an explosion rigged there that's the reason you don't want to go?"
"No, no we can go," Emilia pushed back, shaking her head fervidly, nails biting into the skin of her palm as she swallowed down her worried thoughts that were clawing their way to her nervous heart; what was she doing? She was just over thinking and making things awkward when there was no need for it to be and now Sirius was staring down at her strangely, as if he finally realised how weird she was and Emilia swallowed her trepidation, ignoring how her heart seemed fit to burst from the confines of bones that it was trapped behind. "I want to go. This is your late birthday present trip… thing, after all."
"Right. Good. Glad we got that sorted," Sirius stated, squaring his shoulders and still unsure about the whole ordeal, brain trying to play catch up with Emilia's overthinking but falling short. Ignorance might have been bliss for some, but for Emilia, it was a gift as Sirius remained completely unaware while she turned away and tried to hide her beet red faced. "I'm still confused but when am I not regarding you?"
As they stood in line, abundance of couples surrounding them, Emilia kept trying to tell herself it was different, that it wasn't the same, that it wasn't a date and Sirius definitely didn't have this in mind.
Yet, even if that was the truth, the seed was planted in her thoughts and Emilia couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like if it wasn't different.
Oh, how Emilia wanted to wring Peter's neck.
hello, hello! Before I get into me A/N, I would like to answer a few of your reviews!
marrrin: thank u so much! ive missed writing it sm so im glad that people love reading it as much as i love writing it!
Gwenaria1: foieajfipa thank u so much! i love writing slowburns but i hate the slow character development that comes with it, but it always pays off! and im even more glad i can get into the REAL juicy stuff - other character povs, other interactions, the stuff i was really looking forward to writing so i hope u guys enjoy reading them! thank u so much for all the love and support!
megancl99: thank u so much! i cant wait for their date, sometimes i catch myself grinning like a fool and im like "why u smiling ur the one writing" fhaiuefha i'm just so EXCITED! it's going to be cute and awkward and i cant WAIT
Kaiya's Watergarden: thank u so much!
RFirefly: thank u! xx
Ravenclaw53: oh my goodness ajfoiejafoi thank u so so so much! Emilia is my baby and i love her so much, so it means the world to me that other people like her as well! xx
OryxGreen: ahiuedahnfaw thank u SO SO MUCH! it means the world to me that people love my story and support it when this story means the world to me! i hated the fact i couldn't write it for so long and coming back to it feels so natural and feels like coming home. I'm so sorry for the long ass wait and I hope u enjoy!
hollypop2014: and thank you for reading and supporting my story!
GreenerGrass: tysm! im so glad i can finally get into the good stuff with their relationship, it's what i was most excited about when i started writing this story!
Krakengirl: jfmioeafjaoei thank u omg! this story was really a spur of the moment ive just fallen into love while writing it! i really wanted to add layers to the marauders that i feel, personally, are not popular; sirius in this fic will be a lot more, how u say, depressed? dark? i really wanted to explore the affects of the abuse he faced and how he copes with it, and how it has actually skewed his perception of self love and how he wants to be loved by others. i don't want sirius to be a complete golden boy who everyone loves, he has his flaws and some of them are permanent, some of them not so much. i just love sirius and i dont like seeing him reduced to being a womanizing hotheaded popular boy and this story isn't just about emilia's journey of healing and learning to love, but sirius' as well. thank u so much for all the love and support on this fic of mine, i really love reading every single word and thought that's given to me by my readers! xx
mrich22: thank u so much! it means the world to me! xx
anon: fhoeiahf thank u so much! sirius is such a cutie and emilia is smooth brain like me sometimes like HOW DO YOU TWO NOT KNOW U LIKE EACH OTHER!
HisLordFluffiness: fjioerjfaio oh my goodness thank u! im ngl ive missed reading your thoughts and feedback on this story bc it means so much to me! as for marina, well, let's just say that something will be coming to her in future [side eye] but no spoilers! i get too carried away, i dont wanna spoil the surprise! i hope you enjoy this chapter and dw there's more "date" time ahead in the next chapter!
Goodbye Jarvis: afeioajfai thank u so much! and dw there is going to be PLENTY of emilia and marauders interaction in future, like a LOT bc i love writing marauders dialogue sm i catch myself laughing at what i've wrote but im like "it's not me, it's them that's being funny". thank u so much for the love and support, i hope you continue to support this story! xx
(this chapter is very unedited and not proofread so if u see any mistakes/typos, pls do not see it until i fix it)
hi bestieeesss long time no see x
listen I know it's been two entire MONTHS since my last update but life is hectic. I'm in my last year of uni and in my last semester so everything is crazy and the pressure is HIGH. I've also been making sure to live my best uni experience (meaning get drunk and make mistakes and repeating this vicious cycle).
I finally had some time to write since I finally got the rona, rip. But no fear! This author is only suffering from a sore throat and a bruised ego of being the only one of my friends who didn't get it and now I have lost that crown :')
song of choice while writing: till forever fall apart by ashe ft. finneas
Thanks for reading!