Thanks to Spectacular Webhead 11 for reviewing.

Trigger warning for this chapter: This chapter mentions some different types of Epilepsy seizures, meds and their side effects.

I have decided to split one last chapter into two, so there'll be another chapter left after this one.

September 16th

It was blurry, everything was blurry.

I couldn't even remember how I got here but suddenly I was walking down the hallway at my High School. I looked around expecting to see Lia or Kenny by me, but they weren't there- in fact nobody else were either. Even though I could hear three voices.

I could hear Marcus, Zack and Slade giggling like girls, and when I tried to follow the sound of their voices, or even just hear what they were saying but they were talking all at once. And still I somehow knew what they were laughing abou.

I looked down and held up my hands in front of me- they were shaking just like they did that morning, about two weeks ago after they had filled up my locker with milk and I had to find a way to clean it all.

When I realized and saw how much I was actually shaking, something clenched inside of my chest and stomach. I couldn't be on my way to have another big seizure, could I? Not this close to the day that was the anneversiry. Not after this long!

I felt my tongue with the inside of my mouth- it defifnitely didn't feel right. But maybe I had just bitten it in my sleep or while I was eating.

I looked around me, somewhere there must be a bathroom, where there was a mirror. I could check my tongue out and then figure whether I had had a big seizure or not.

At last, after what felt like a year of searching I at least found a girl's bathroom. But the hallway was all empty so no one would know I had been in there…

My heart was beating hard while I went, all quietly as if there was someone there I went up to the mirrors by the stalls, and then stuck my tongue out to see. Thinking one last time that maybe this was only my imagination and fear before I stuck fmy tongue out to see…

My whole tongue was so red, one half was about twice as big as the other, and almost by the end, there was a large gash right across it where it had obviously gotten stuck as I bit my jaws so hard together.

"No" I couldn't help but whimper. "No, no, no…."

With a gasp my eyes flew open, and it wasn't until I had taken several of those deep, quick breaths that I realized my tongue felt its normal size, I didn't have a crazy headache and my whole body wasn't aching.

Still, it must have taken me a minute at least to understand that everything I'd been feeling- the empty school hallway, the girls' bathroom, the gash right across my tongue…

It had all been a dream. Just like all of the other earlier times the past four years it had been a dream.

I looked to my clock when I started hearing mum and dad coming out of their beds for the morning. There would be no point with me going back to sleep anyway so I reached out and turned off the alarm before it had the chance to start ringing.

Slowly, slowly I sat and then stood up. Or at least I had meant it to be slowly. It could have been. But every few seconds my whole body flinched of small, myoclonic seizures.

That dream had just been so real, so before anything else I went to the bathroom, stood there- and with a worried feeling in my stomach, what if I actually had had a big seizure? One of those big tonic-clonic ones?

At last I stuck my tongue out while I saw in front of me, how my tongue had looked after a big seizure in the dream, or even in reality.

But still, none of these myoclonic seizures had ever led to a big seizure before. But what if this would be the time?

And just like all dreams, nightly ones always seemed so realistic due to the medicines I had to take for every morning and every evening for the rest of my life…

These weren't the worse. I had taken some poison called Keppra, along with depression, mood swings, aggression…

Free drama movies every night weren't so bad. I could always laugh about it during daytime.

"G'morning." I grumbled to mum, dad and Chozen when I came into the kitchen, but didn't say more when I suddenly flinched just after I came in.

I was used to these, I still couldn't say the same about my parents.

They had silent seeing me flinch, they would worry ten times worse than I ever did.

And that was before I grabbed my dosage box out a kitchen cupboard. Where I kept it to always remember them, and to have them sorted so I didn't end up taking the same dose twice. I could usually do it just fine, this time I flinched and dropped it. Even though it was only today's five pills they spread out and rolled out over the floor.

"Hey." Dad stopped me just as I was about to kneel and pick them up and the look on his face was as worried as it ever was, I knew that look. "Are you okay? Go sit down…"

"Dad." I said annoyingly. "It's okay. I'm not having a big seizure."

Saying that would have worked a bit better if I didn't flinch so bad I stumbled and almost fell. But none of us said anything more right until I grabbed milk to pour it over wheetabix and flinched so I poured a mix of wheetabix and milk over my pants, the chair and the floor.

"Oh come on!

I moaned, then took the pills dad reached me. One of the lamotrigine (the one that caused so much dreaming) and one of Ergenyl, each and every morning…

"So…" Dad patted my shoulder while giving me a few tissues. "You've been in high school for quite a couple of weeks now. How's it going?"

I could see in front of me that first day when my old friends had filled up with milk. They had only continued from there.

"Well… I have just had to realize who were my friends and bullies all along… I'm late. I have to go now."

Without waiting for an answer I went to get my bag but was stopped when mum was the one who continued.

"It's just something that we have to get used to. You not having out with Zach and Marcus and Slade anymore. It's just always been that way…"

"No." I answered her. "I really don't think it ever was the right thing. Or at least it haven't been…. For a long time."

I wanted to stay now, but Lia had already texted me she was on the bus and it came up just as I went to the stop.

"Well then." Lia greeted me with. "Congratulations, anniversary four years without seizures." I nodded. "How does it feel?"

"You know I get sort of nightmares about having seizures… Well, I had one tonight... And then loads of small seizures during the whole morning." I just couldn't help but whine. "But…. There's another few hours left and…" Kenny got on the bus as the last of us and threw himself down next to me- I had started getting used to this! Including my old friends' talking from the back of the bus.

I had never wished so much that I could have a driver's license…

But well, I was still slightly too young for once. But still…

That would be yet another thing that Epilepsy took from me.

Random fact

Anyway, this chapter, as you can see is about Epilepsy. And… you know, medicines. Those are based on reality. With the side effects and everything. (What a poison of side effects Keppra was for me). And well,. You know. Epilepsy are dreaming, and sleeping and eating, and small seizures that make you drop what you're holding- spilling milk and cereal all over the place. And parents worrying…