Chapter 2
Ross let out a huge sigh, closing the door to Rachel's room carefully.
38 hours.
It was how long he had been awake. He was now dead exhausted and more than ready to collapse. His head was pounding in his ears and his back was aching from sleeping in a cramped hospital's chair. He desperately needed that cup of coffee asap.
He flashed a polite smile toward a nurse he passed by in the hallway, making his way toward the elevator. But before Ross arrived at the elevator, he stopped, changing his mind and took a little detour toward the nursery. It didn't take long for Ross to find his little girl, she stood up most in his eyes.
As he looked at his beautiful baby daughter, he couldn't help but to think how in the world someone as beautiful as Emma was a part of him. Their little girl was the carbon copy of Rachel. Everything except for her nose were all Rachel's and he wouldn't wish it other way. Emma was such a beautiful baby girl and he wasn't even biased. Okay, maybe just a little bit. But as he looked around the room, he couldn't find any other babies who were more beautiful as their baby girl.
"She's so beautiful," someone else voiced Ross' inner thoughts and as he looked sideways, he found Phoebe standing right next to him, looking at baby Emma with a genuine smile on her face.
"I know," Ross sighed contentedly, feeling immensely proud.
"I just can't decide who she looks more like. You or Rachel," she mused out loud.
"What, are you kidding?" he whipped his head to the side, looking at her as if she had grown a pair of heads or something. "She's gorgeous, she's all Rachel."
His eyes were twinkling as he talked about Rachel and Emma in the same sentences. Pride was dripping in his every word and that didn't go unnoticed by Phoebe.
Phoebe stared at her friend and slowly, her lips curved into the biggest smile.
Her hunch was right after all…
"I'm sorry. For the last time, why aren't you together, again?" she asked rather bluntly and when Ross just sighed without giving her a real answer, she continued, "No, I know, I know, because you're not in that place. Which would be fine except you totally are."
"I-it's, it's complicated, okay?"
Ross didn't even try to deny it.
He was indeed in love with Rachel, but it never was the problem. Love was never a problem between him and Rachel. He had learned it in the worst possible way that there were other important things than love that could make or break a relationship.
Sometimes… love wasn't enough.
"Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You love her - you always have. You have a child together. There's no right answer," her voice dripped with heavy sarcasm which was easily noticed by him.
"Look, we've been together, okay?" Ross reluctantly averted his attention from his baby girl to his friend, wanting to give Phoebe all his attention. To make her really understand his point of view and why he didn't think it's a good idea to get back together with Rachel, "-and then apart. And now, we have a baby," he took a brief pause, averting his gaze to his daughter again.
His sweet innocent baby girl.
She was still brand new, no one had hurt her yet and Ross was sure as hell he didn't want to be the person who hurt his little girl.
He let out a heavy sigh, "It's just, if-if we got together again, and it didn't work out... I can never do that to Emma," he tried to keep his emotions in check as he thought about his daughter, his sweet innocent daughter who just came into the world merely hours ago.
As a father, he wanted nothing but to shield his baby girl from any harm, any kind of pain. He wanted to protect Emma at all costs.
When he opened his mouth to speak again, those emotions were hitting him real hard and his voice wavered as he spoke, "I mean, she came into the world thinking everything..." he choked, couldn't hold his tears any longer.
He wasn't usually a crier. In fact, he could easily count in his head how many times he had cried during his adult life. But today was too much for him. He wanted to do everything in his power to protect his little girl because like he had just said, Emma was just an innocent baby and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her. He didn't want anything to hurt his little girl, he wanted to protect her from everything – even from the potential heartbreak if this thing between him and Rachel didn't work out.
Their last break up was so messy, it hurt not only them, but also the people surrounding them. Their fights had gotten escalated pretty quickly and soon turned into petty fights when their streaks of jealousy appeared. It got so complicated that at one point he sat and thought about moving away and that it might be better for both of them if he stopped seeing Rachel on a daily basis. But of course, in the end he couldn't, because one thing hurt Ross more than anything at all was to lose Rachel as a friend too.
He couldn't stand the thought of not being able to see Rachel every day.
It surely wasn't easy, but against all odds, the former lovers managed to keep their friendship intact. They had overcome the breakup and eventually became best friends again. But it took so much, it took countless heartbreaks for them to reach this point and he didn't want to risk ruining that progress either. He didn't want to potentially ruin what he had with Rachel right now.
What if they didn't work out?
What if they broke up again?
What if the break up got so messy, they couldn't stand to be in the same room?
How about their daughter?
That last thought alone actually made him physically ill.
He couldn't put Emma in the middle of that.
His breath hitched in his throat and he wiped his tears as quickly as it fell – hoping that her friend wouldn't notice his minor breakdown. He was too late though… Phoebe had seen it, but said nothing except for giving him a sympathetic smile.
"Now me! What, do they put something in the water in this place?" He tried to joke but then after a small pause, he turned serious again, "It's just, Rachel and I, we're doing really well right now, you know?"
"I know, I know," Phoebe brought her hand to his back, offering some sort of comfort for her friend. "-and if you tried to make it more, you might wreck it.
"Exactly."
"Right," Phoebe said softly, "-or you might get everything you've wanted since you were fifteen…"
Ross looked at his friend and suddenly, he felt dumbfounded. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
What if it did work?
For once he could easily imagine his entire future with Rachel if it did work out and it exceeded every dream he could ever imagined since he was fifteen. Today was the proof of that. Witnessing Rachel in that delivery room, giving birth to their daughter was undoubtedly one of the best moments of his life. And he was painfully aware that if things did work out between him and Rachel, there would be more moments like this in the future.
He could easily picture them getting back together again. Starting over. Trying to squeeze date nights in the midst of their busy life as new parents. Making the move official by sharing his room – their room – together instead of the current sleeping arrangements. Proposal would come next, he had to come up with a new proposal plan though because he had already told her about the planetarium one before. And maybe after a year, they'd have that wedding by the cliff she wanted to have so much. He knew he'd let her have her dream wedding. And the honeymoon… they had been talking about taking a trip around Europe in the short period of time they were dating, so maybe this time they could finally let that dream come true. Two weeks' trip around Europe sounded amazing, Ross thought as his lips curved into a bigger smile.
Maybe Scarsdale came next. Or maybe it didn't have to be Scarsdale per se, but they were gonna need a bigger place to accommodate their growing family. He remembered Rachel saying something about wanting to have three kids on her thirtieth birthday, so definitely more kids. He'd have as many kids as she wanted to because they did make beautiful kids together and there was nothing that could've made him happier than becoming a father.
They were going to need a van though or maybe an SUV to drive around the kids, Ross mused.
And probably the best thing of all, he would get to spend the rest of his life with her. Holding her hands just like a pair of lobsters when they're old and wrinkly.
His lips curved into a full-fledged smile at that last thought.
Lobsters.
Phoebe always said that they were lobsters - that they mate for life.
He'd first found the metaphor slightly ridiculous, but overtime, it grew on him. Heck, he even used that same metaphor to convince Rachel to accept him back after the whole list fiasco. He even jokingly bought her a lobster keychain from his trip to the aquarium with Ben just months after they were together.
He was always a firm believer of soulmate, even long before he married Carol. He believed that there was one person for everyone. But nowadays, he had to admit, after three failed marriages, it was really hard to believe in that stuff anymore.
Today Phoebe reminded him of just that.
He was so caught up in the potential bad outcomes, he failed to see the good one.
What if it worked?
They were different people after all.
He'd like to believe over the years, they had both grown into much more mature individuals. Their break up had allowed them to really grow as a person. And maybe it was meant to be this way. The break up was meant to happen so that one day they could be ready to be together again as better individuals. Maybe it was necessary so that he could really heal those wounds that Carol had left him after the divorce and not project all his insecurity toward his relationship.
So, maybe they were now ready for this.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe this was their endgame.
"I'm just saying, think about it, okay?" Phoebe murmured, aware of the slight smile on his face. "This could be it, Ross," she put her hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "-this could be everything you ever dreamed of."
With that, she left, leaving Ross alone with his thoughts and as Ross looked back to where his daughter was sleeping peacefully, those flashes of their future came back and just like that, he knew what he had to do.
Rachel winced as she tried to get off the bed. She glanced toward the doorway and let out a puff of air, wondering what took Ross so long.
Maybe there was a long line at the cafeteria or maybe… he was avoiding her.
Yep, that's probably it.
He had convinced her that they were okay, but maybe it was not okay. Maybe she ruined whatever chance they had and maybe that was why he was avoiding her. Tears started to well up in her eyes at that thought, but she sucked it in, shaking her head as she silently begged herself to get it together. He had said they were okay - he was okay, and she trusted him, so she really needed to stop thinking otherwise.
Damn hormones, Rachel cussed silently.
She then took a long deep breath, taking a paper cup from the side of her bed but then frowned when she noticed it was empty. With a deep sigh, she stood up and started to make her way outside to refill her water. As she made her way out, her feet hit something and she saw a small item slide a couple feet further. She frowned, taking a few steps and bent down to take the foreign item off the floor and take a closer look at it.
As soon as she grabbed the item off the floor, her heart immediately raced.
It didn't take a genius to guess what was inside the small red velvet box.
It was jewelry. A small one. Small enough to fit a pair of earrings or maybe a ring. But somehow, she had a feeling it was the latter.
She bit her lips, glancing toward the door as her finger grazed the soft material of the red small box. She was curious, she wasn't going to lie. This must've belonged to Ross, that would be the only explanation because no one had come in after he left and she was almost certain it wasn't there before.
Finally, curiosity got into her and she took another glance toward the door before she opened the box. Her heart racing and she let out a rather loud gasp when just like she expected, laid inside the small box was a diamond ring.
And it wasn't just any ring.
It was an engagement ring.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she brought her shaky finger to graze the ring.
It was beautiful. Not as fancy as the one Barry gave her, but somehow this one was better. It was so beautiful that she couldn't help but to take the ring off the box and hold it in between her fingers. Hesitantly, she took another glance toward the doorway, biting her lower lips as she shakily put the ring over her left ring finger. She placed her right hand to muffle her gasp as she lifted her left hand and observed her now ringed finger under the bright hospital light.
Gosh, it looked so perfect.
Rachel continued to admire the ring and must've lost track of time because suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Instinctively, she shut the box and hid it behind her back. Her eyes were wide when she realized she hadn't had the chance to take the ring off her finger and now she was too late because her friend was standing in the doorway, a puzzled look on her face.
"Rach?" Monica slowly made her way inside the room, approaching her friend. "You okay?"
"Y-yeah," Rachel swallowed.
"Are you sure?" Monica's brows creased with concern. "You don't look okay."
"I-I'm uh, I'm just tired, you know? The book didn't tell you how much the labor actually drained your energy," Rachel let out a small chuckle, but it came a little off.
Monica sent her a sympathetic smile, "Anything I can do to help? A glass of water maybe?" she asked, nudging her head at the empty paper cup on the floor.
Rachel didn't even realize she dropped it before.
"I-if you don't mind…"
"I don't," Monica smiled before grabbing the empty cup off the floor. "I'll go get you a new one. Do you need anything else?"
"No, thanks."
As soon as Monica was gone, Rachel frantically tried to take the ring off her finger, but much to her dismay it stuck.
"Oh, come on!" she let out a groan. "You gotta be kidding me!"
She started to panic and before she knew it, she was crying openly, feeling incredibly frustrated.
What the hell was wrong with her?
Why did everything have to go wrong?
"Come on," she murmured, not even bothering to wipe the tears off her face, "-come on…"
"Rach?"
Rachel was more than startled when suddenly Monica was standing in front of her, a concerned look on her face. She then tried to hide her hand, but it was too late. Monica had seen it and her eyes widened at the sight of it.
"Y-you," Monica murmured, taking Rachel's left hand to look over it closer. Monica gave her friend a mixture of shock and perplexed look when she realized her suspicion was indeed true. "Rach… W-why do you have my mom's engagement ring on your finger? Did Ross-"
"N-no!" Rachel blurted out before Monica could even finish her question. "I-I uh," Rachel looked down shamefully as she whispered, "I-I found it on the floor."
"You found it on the floor?" Monica asked with a frown and Rachel confirmed it with a nod. "How did it end up on the floor?"
"D-don't know," Rachel sighed. "I think it fell off Ross' pocket a while ago."
"You're saying he brought my mom's engagement ring here? To the hospital?"
Rachel nodded.
"Why did he do that?"
Rachel shrugged, "Trust me, I'm as clueless as you."
"D-do you think-?" Monica halted mid-sentences, but again, her best friend didn't need to hear the full question to know exactly what she was talking about.
"I don't know," she murmured. "W-what does this mean?"
Rachel's voice was small and uncertain, Monica wished she knew the answer to her best friend's question, but sadly the only person who could answer the question was nowhere to be seen.
"I don't know, honey…"
Rachel nodded, but remained silent. Meanwhile, Monica's gaze drifted back to her best friend's left hand and her brows creased once more. Rachel still hadn't explained why she was wearing that ring, but Monica knew her whole life, they were practically sisters at this point. Without having to ask Rachel directly, she might have a clue to the reason why she was wearing the ring.
"It looks good on you," Monica said softly and Rachel's head snapped up to meet her gaze.
"What?"
Monica offered her best friend a warm smile, "-the ring, it looks good on you."
"Oh," Rachel whispered, subconsciously looking down at the sparkling ring on her finger.
She blushed.
It did look good on her, almost perfect if she wanted to be completely honest. And she was pretty sure it'd fit her perfectly if it wasn't because her fingers were still slightly swollen as the side effects of the pregnancy.
"I-I don't even know why I'm wearing it, I know it's not mine," Rachel swallowed. "-but I opened the box and then I saw it. The next thing I know, it's on my finger and now I can't stop staring at it," Rachel let out a heavy sigh before looking at Monica with unshed tears in her blue eyes. "How pathetic am I?"
"Oh, honey," Monica moved closer to give her friend a hug. "It's not pathetic, it's just…"
"Sad?" Rachel's lips curved into a small smile.
"I just thought you didn't want to marry Ross," Monica said softly, remembering what Rachel had revealed after her first doctor's appointment months ago.
"I didn't want it," Rachel bit her lower lips as an effort to suppress her tears, "It wasn't for the right reason then. He wanted to marry me because he felt responsible for knocking me up and I don't want that. I don't want him to marry me because of the baby. I almost made the same mistake with Barry and I don't want to jump into a marriage for the wrong reasons."
"Didn't?" Monica raised her eyebrow.
"What?"
"You said, 'I didn't want it.' As in past tense."
"Y-yeah…"
"What are you saying?" Monica prompted softly. "You want to marry him now?"
"Y-yes. No. M-maybe," Rachel frowned and then sighed, "I don't know, I don't think it's about the marriage at all. My head is a huge jumble of mess and between the hormones that's just driving me crazy and what Janice said…"
"Wait," Monica stopped her friend's mini-ramble. "Janice? What does she have to do with anything?"
"It's a long story," Rachel sighed, her head was too full to explain the whole conversation she had with Janice and then with Ross. Her legs felt wobbly all of the sudden and then she decided to sit on the bed as she continued, "-bottom line is, I-I uh.. I think I'm still in love with him.."
Rachel expected her best friend to be taken aback, or freak out, or something resembling that, but to her surprise, Monica didn't seem surprised at all. She offered Rachel a sympathetic smile instead.
"You knew," Rachel said almost accusingly and then she started to raise her voice, "You knew and you didn't tell me?!"
"Hey, we thought you knew," Monica shrugged.
"We?!" Rachel shrieked. "You mean everyone knows this but me?"
"Well, not everyone…" Monica said slowly. "I don't think he know…"
Rachel let out a huge sigh, suddenly feeling a bit light headed.
"Hey," Monica sat next to Rachel on the bed, stroking her back as she spoke, "I know I don't act like the biggest cheerleader of your relationship with Ross, but I have a good reason. It's not because I don't like the idea of the two of you together, it's quite the opposite."
Rachel's lips curved into a small smile, "Really?"
"I'd love you to be my sister-in-law more than anything…" Monica murmured. "Remember when I was jumping up and down that time you first told me you have feelings for my brother?"
Rachel smiled and nodded as the memory flashed back into her mind.
"I was so happy with the idea of you and Ross together. I always wanted to have a sister; you know that. So the thought of you and Ross being together, suddenly it was like my dream just came true. Only, it was a hundred times better, because it was you."
Rachel smiled at that, giving Monica's hand a slight squeeze.
"I've known you and Ross basically my whole life," Monica continued, "-and I've never seen the two of you happier than the time when you were together, well maybe except for today."
Rachel smiled at that.
Like she said, today was undoubtedly the happiest day of Rachel's life.
"I still feel the same way now," Monica clarified. "But-"
"-but you also saw our downfall and it wasn't pretty," Rachel finished her words, although her chest actually hurt thinking about the breakup.
It was like the wound from their breakup never truly healed.
If today was the best day of Rachel's life, that day was undoubtedly the worst.
"It was horrible," Monica tried not to wince as her mind took her back to that first few months after Ross and Rachel broke up.
Monica had to witness how the two people she loved were in an immense amount of emotional pain and turned those pain into so much anger, they couldn't even be in the same room without trying to rip each other's head off. To make it worse, she was forced to take a side. It wasn't fair and it was excruciating for her. She never wanted to be in the middle of that, ever again.
That was why after the break up, Monica never encouraged them openly again. Although it didn't mean she didn't want them to get back together again, because she still did. She still thought Ross and Rachel were meant for each other once they got past their huge egos…
"Sorry," Rachel sighed. "I don't think I've ever said sorry to you for what we've put you all through during those horrible months. I never meant to put you in the middle of that and I uhm, I'm really sorry…"
"It's okay, it's all in the past," Monica murmured, hugging her friend before letting her go so that she could say what she really wanted to say. "Listen…" she grabbed Rachel's hand. "I'm sorry if I ever came across as unsupportive these past few years, but believe me when I say I just want the best for the two of you. Ross is my brother and even when he can be a pain in the ass most of the time," Monica rolled her eyes and Rachel smiled at that.
Rachel knew better though. Even when The Gellers' siblings sometimes fought like dogs and cats, they really loved each other. They always had each other's back. No matter what.
"-and you're like a sister to me, Rach…" Monica murmured and Rachel couldn't help but feel the tears welling up in her eyes once more. "I love you both so much and I just want the best for you…"
"I know and I love you too," Rachel whispered. "-you're like a sister to me too, you know that."
Monica smiled and nodded.
"I love you both," Monica then repeated, "-that's why I always refrain myself from saying too much… but…"
"But?"
"-but I've seen you two together these last couple of months and again with Emma today and I think you both need to talk. Tell him how you really feel. What you really want. It's long overdue."
"What if he didn't feel the same way?"
Monica resisted the urge to roll her eyes and even though she was almost one hundred percent sure that her brother was also madly in love with Rachel, she bit her tongue. Those words needed to come out from Ross' mouth, it wasn't her place.
"J-just talk to him, okay?"
Rachel sighed, but then she nodded, "Okay."
"Good," Monica smiled, squeezing Rachel's hand and the gesture quickly reminded Rachel of the problem she momentarily forgot.
"Uhm… Mon?" Rachel smiled somewhat sheepishly.
"What?"
"It stuck."
"What is?"
"This," Rachel murmured, showing her the ring.
Monica laughed and then she stood up, "Wait here, I'll ask around and see if they have some baby oil or something…"
"Please do!" Rachel groaned. "I already freaked him out with my irrational fears, I don't need him to think of me as some kind of maniac or something!"
Monica raised her eyebrow at that.
"I'll tell you the whole story later," Rachel promised.
Monica nodded, making her way toward the door. But before she exited the room, she turned around and called Rachel's name, effectively gaining her attention.
"For what it's worth… I'm always rooting for you two," Monica smiled before turning away and eventually left Rachel alone with her thoughts.
Rachel let out another sigh, staring at the piece of jewelry in her hand and couldn't help but to think about what it was going to be like to be married to Ross…
Half an hour later, the elevator door slide opened, revealing a nervous looking Ross standing in the middle, clutching the bouquet of white lilies – her favorite – tightly around his fingers. After what seemed like an eternity, Ross finally braced himself, moving his legs and took the first step out of the elevator.
He could hear his heart beating rapidly inside of his chest as both excitement and anxiety ran through his veins. His heart beating faster and faster as he navigated his way through the fairly busy hospital's corridors. He had spent the last hour trying to come up with some kind of a speech. He wanted this to be perfect. He didn't want to mess this up again.
It's all going to be okay.
She's going to feel the same way.
You'll have everything you've ever dreamed of since you were fifteen.
This is it.
He kept chanting those words over and over in his head like a mantra, leaving no room for the doubts as he continued making his way toward Rachel's room. Eventually, he stopped his track as he reached into his destination. With a deep sigh, he placed his hand around the doorknob – bringing his other hand to hide the bouquet of flowers behind his back. His hand lingered there a few seconds too long as he tried to somewhat get his heart rate back to normal.
And finally… he twisted the doorknob open.
This was it.
All or nothing.
A/N
Hi, everyone! I hope you're all doing fine and please try not to be so mad at me for the cliffhanger lol The cliffhanger is one of the few things I decided to stick to the original script. I've been tempted to alter a few lines from the original script, but as I re-watched it, I can't help but notice how disastrous that day was and that's why I decided to abandon (almost) the entire script and just write it the way I imagined it to be. Like, seriously. There is so much misunderstanding revolving around the fake proposal, it's killing me. Normally, I don't hate Joey (I really don't), but I do want to shake him so badly for ruining the moment.
I do, however, love how Monica and Phoebe both offered some kind of balance for Ross and Rachel. Phoebe has always been their biggest supporter and Ross needed that push. Meanwhile, Rachel needed Monica to knock some sense into her. But for the sake of this storyline, I tweaked the original scripts and added that conversation between Monica and Rachel about the break up and what it was like for Monica. I always feel like Monica is always hesitant to support Ross and Rachel as a couple after the break up, so I think it's necessary for them to talk about this.
Lastly… I know this chapter is lacking Ross and Rachel's interaction, but I promise we'll see more of them in the next chapter. Due to personal reasons, I can no longer promise regular updates, but I still hope you guys are enjoying it!