1.
I wandered through the streets of Gotham City. Eyes peered at me through suspicious vests. Everyone I passed seemed to be hurrying towards a villainous deed. I passed face after face, and felt that none of them were decent people. That's what Gotham does to its citizens. It makes them suspicious of each other. It makes them feel like no one is a friend. When I passed the citizens of Gotham City, all I saw were potential criminals waiting to be recruited into a criminal organisation, or perhaps people already belonging to one.
As I passed through the streets of people, I ended up steering towards the beach. There, I saw a building with a sign that had the words, "Googly Gotham Tours" painted with bold blue letters on it. Interested, I went in and signed up for a tour.
I was joined by some smiling tourists. I have no clue what they were doing in Gotham, but I won't tell people how to spend their money. Our tour guide was a middle-aged woman with red hair that seemed like it was either dyed or was a wig. She gave off the impression of professional cluelessness. This first impression of her was very badly founded on my part, though. I will say that "Googly Gotham Tours" is undoubtedly one of the good things about Gotham, and that that tour guide deserves a raise.
We were given swimsuits and shark-repellent spray, and then we swam over to a very small island very close to Gotham Island, with our tour guide in the lead.
"This is a statue of the Gotham Whale," said our tour guide once we had boarded the island.
The statue was enormous, at least six times higher than me and at least seven times wider than me. True to its name, it was of a whale. The eyes gave off the impression of countless years on the wide ocean. It was masterfully crafted, with very intricate detail given to even the smallest barnacle.
The tour guide explained to us the legend of the Gotham Whale, one which I vaguely remember hearing of before, and which I definitely knew of the existence of, but I would not have been able to recall any specifics of it had I been asked to before I went to that island.
"The legend of the Gotham Whale tells of a giant whale who, at the beginning of its life, lived out in the Arctic Ocean. It is said that it was constantly attacked by the other whales, who, on top of the constant attacks, forced it to compete for food with all of them. One day, this whale strayed into the ocean around Gotham Island, where it found its food source to be plentiful. It decided to stay here. Eventually, the old inhabitants of Gotham Island started to notice it and gave it the name of the Gotham Whale.
The Gotham Whale was said to be merciful to sailors who were lost at sea, guiding them safely to the shores of Gotham, and it never attacked humans. The Gotham people eventually grew very fond of this whale, and they would often go out fishing together in the open seas. The people of Gotham even eventually managed to learn the language of the Gotham Whale, and soon it was commonly spoken among them.
Unfortunately, the time came for the Gotham Whale to reproduce, and so it had to return to the Atlantic Ocean. The people of Gotham were, of course, saddened by this, but they allowed the Gotham Whale to go out into the Atlantic Ocean, expecting it to return in a few months, at most a year. However, many years passed, and, as the elderly died out, the Gotham Whale lost its significance to the younger people of Gotham. This, of course, frustrated the elderly, but there was nothing any of them could do to make the young people care. Even the elderly began to question about the Gotham Whale, wondering what had happened to it. Had it been killed, or had it never truly been their friend, only spending time with them for the company until it was ready to go back into the Atlantic Ocean?
Most of the elderly soon also lost all love for the Gotham Whale, and the memories and language soon began to be forgotten. What had actually happened to the Gotham Whale, however, was that it had become lost in the wide Atlantic Ocean, and couldn't find its way back to Gotham. It had already reproduced, but the constant competition for food and the violence from the other whales had quickly returned on its arrival, and it was feeling truly miserable.
One member of the elderly suspected this, and, every morning and afternoon, he would go out onto the beach and call in the whale language out into the Atlantic Ocean, hoping that the Gotham Whale would hear him. He was soon deemed Mad Henry, but one day, the Gotham Whale, after another tiring day of being shoved around, heard his very faint call. It called back. Mad Henry, hearing this call, became excited and called another time. The people of Gotham witnessed this and, becoming excited as well, joined in. Soon, the calls were loud enough for the Gotham Whale to find its way back home again.
And so the Gotham Whale returned back to Gotham Island, and there was much rejoicing after all those long years of the Gotham Whale being away. The language of the whales once again became spoken widely and the Gotham Whale once again helped lost sailors and desperate fishers.
Eventually, as all living things do, the Gotham Whale died, after a long life of a thousand years. It is now the symbol most associated with Gotham Island, although its inhabitants rarely use it and few of them know of the tale. This statue was built in the 1800s to commemorate the legend, and here it stands to this day."
The tourists and I clapped for the tour guide, and she took a bow. Then, we snapped pictures of the statue with ourselves (I sent mine to Alfred and Borris immediately), and went back into the ocean.
We swam over to the other side of the small island, where we saw another statue. This one was of two perfectly-rounded, evenly-sized, huge, magnificent, grey balls, with just the right amount of hair on them, that were joined together seamlessly. The tourists and I murmured with awe.
"This," said the tour guide, "is the statue of Nathaniel Westnorth's magnificent balls. Nathaniel Westnorth was the founder of Gotham City, and he got his reputation of having big balls from his bravery. People murmured with awe, just as you people just did, when they heard that this radical man had decided to build an entire city on just an island! People had built settlements, even towns, on islands, but never anything as big as a city up until then, so naturally, people were dumbfounded by Westnorth's balls to do it. And it is because of these balls, ladies and gentlemen and everything in-between, that Gotham City exists in the first place. Without those balls, you would not even be going on this tour."
The tourists and I murmured appreciatively. I vaguely remembered learning about this in History a few years ago.
"Question," said a tourist, a tall, lanky woman, "I feel like Nathaniel Westnorth would've preferred a statue of himself instead of his balls."
"No way! Let me just give you a fact of life, madame. Balls are balls," said the tourist guide.
"But..."
"Balls are balls," repeated the tourist guide.
The other tourists murmured in appreciation, so that was the end of that conversation. I took a selfie with myself and the Balls. I sent it to Alfred and Borris. Alfred had replied to my previous photo of the Gotham Whale with a heart emoji.
"Fun fact," said the tourist guide, "While most historians believe that the story I just told you is more likely to be true, there does exist another legend that says that Nathaniel Westnorth was so renowned for his balls because of the fact that he used to fight wolves, and that this skill helped him tame all the wolves on Gotham Island and create Gotham City."
The tourists and I agreed that this was indeed a fun fact.
We then swam back to Gotham Island and caught a large taxi to one of the many caves that are infested around Gotham. Most of these caves are private, but this one is an exception.
"This cave," explained the tourist guide, "used to be owned by a very wealthy businessman. However, around a century ago, two children, a boy and a girl, decided to explore it. Why they chose to do so is debated by historians. Some say that they wanted to go on an adventure and play around in the caves. Some say that they did it for a dare. The most widely rejected argument, but one that is still very prevalent among the citizens of Gotham, is the one that they wanted to get rid of the Great Gotham Wolf's Ghost, who is said to live in this very cave to this very day.
Most historians agree that these two children got lost in the cave and eventually died from most likely starvation or from falling into a pit. There was a large manhunt ordered by the Mayor of Gotham at the time, but this hunt was unsuccessful, and the children were never found. Because of this, the Mayor of Gotham ordered, in commemoration of the deaths of these two children, that their final resting places should not be owned by any person, and so this cave became a public one.
The children's bones have never been found since, despite many attempts to find them, leading some citizens of Gotham to believe that the Great Gotham Wolf's Ghost inhaled them into his soul, where they reside to this very day."
The tourist group was silent.
"So that's why Googly Gotham Tours offers you a chance to go down and try to find their bones yourself!" the tourist guide finished.
Of course, some tourists refused and said that they'd rather just wait outside the caves. I, on the other hand, thought that it'd be fun to explore a cave with a guide. It therefore ended up being that I joined approximately ten other tourists and followed the guide deep into the caves, with each of us having torches, helmets, and rope that were provided to us by the company to borrow.
We saw many wondrous stalactites and stalagmites, as well as a few small geysers. The cave was majestic and beautiful in a strange way. I could see a beauty in all of this underground darkness.
"This is one of the few public caves in all of Gotham," said the tourist guide, "That's why it's so special. The rest of the caves in Gotham are owned by "entrepreneurs". However, you can't possibly be blind to the fact that Gotham is a very crime-riddled city, so most caves in Gotham are in fact owned by various leaders of criminal organisations. That's why I would not, just in case anyone was thinking of doing it, go into any other cave in Gotham except for this one. You shouldn't be going into even normal caves without trained guides in the first place, but I advise you to especially avoid the ones in Gotham."
We didn't manage to find the bones of the children, but I did see a lot of bats in the cave. I even got close to one. The tourist guide gave us many interesting facts about these rats with wings. They are such fascinating and beautiful creatures.
After we exited the caves, the rest of the tourist group joined us and we went on to look at other fascinating artefacts and locations important to Gotham's history. I learned a lot about the city in which I live, much more than I had known previously. It's a city with a rich history. A rich history worth preserving.
Perhaps it could even have a future worth preserving.
While I will not write about most of the rest of the places that I went to today, because this entry is long enough already and I'm tired of writing, I will mention the fact that I visited the Mayor's House.
"This," said the tour guide, "is the White House for Gotham. It's where our most important individual, the Mayor, resides. It is where all of Gotham's Mayors, and its founder, Nathaniel Westnorth, resided. It's the place where many important decisions relating to Gotham City are made, such as the historically important Policy of Squirrel-Hunting and the Special Gotham Tax, introduced over a decade ago. The bottom and second floor are used for government and political purposes. The third floor is the Mayor's home. This building is the building with the most amount of total area in Gotham, although obviously it's not its tallest.
The Mayor who currently lives in here is Mayor Garcia. If you're lucky, you may be able to meet him on our tour of the first floor."
We followed the tour guide into the Mayor's House, where we were given special name tags that identified us with our names and as guests. I had been very excited for this particular visit when I had looked at the brochure for the "Googly Gotham Tours", and now that I was finally looking at the Mayor's House, my chest was thudding away, giving off the sound of a handyman using a hammer. This was particularly the case when I heard the tour guide mention that we could potentially meet the Mayor of Gotham City himself on the first floor.
Mayor Garcia is, in fact, the best Mayor Gotham City has ever had. I hadn't spoken to him in person, but I had seen him during his first year as Mayor when he came for a meeting with my father. That was a year before my father died. Ever since that meeting, I've always admired Mayor Garcia in a very special way. Whenever I see him, whether it's on a news report or at a football stadium, my heart always beats a little faster. So obviously I was very much hoping, as I went into the Mayor's House, that this would be one of the lucky occasions the tour guide had been talking about, and that I would finally get an opportunity to talk to the man himself.
My hopes were, to my great happiness, very much availed. We met Mayor Garcia himself on his way out of the Mayor's House, and he stopped to say hello to us, giving his autograph to those who requested it. I requested it.
"Hang on," said the Mayor, as he signed the very book I am writing this in, "Aren't you the son of Thomas Wayne?"
Happy that he recognised me, I stammered, "Ye-ye-yes."
"Well I'm very sorry for your loss. Your father was a good man. One of the few good ones in Gotham."
"Thank you," I said, my voice unfortunately a bit high.
"I must say, it's an honour meeting you," I added, "I genuinely believe you're the best Mayor this city has ever had."
The Mayor chuckled.
"Well that's high praise," he said, "Even better than Guck Fiddle?"
"Way better."
"Sam Peenes?"
"Yep."
"What about Nathaniel Westnorth?"
"It's close, but I'll give you the point."
"Wow," said the Mayor, "That's very high praise. I guess I must be doing something right then. But, if I'm being honest with you, Mr Wayne, I don't think I've done enough for this city. The crime is something I just can't get rid of. Not even your father could do it. It's truly the bane of the once-great Gotham City. Maybe... maybe once I've decreased the crime rate... maybe then I'll be deserving of your praise."
And so that was the end of our interaction. I cannot stress how glad I am that it happened. Honestly, I can hardly believe it myself now, writing this hours after it happened.
Our final location for the day was the Official Gotham Dojo.
"This dojo," explained the tourist guide, "is the largest dojo in Gotham City, and it is quite big, as you can see for yourselves. It's renowned for being the training centre of the athletes from Gotham who compete in the International Martial Arts Tournament, the most famous and prestigious martial arts tournament in the world, which has had many previous winners from Gotham City. Because of these many wins, this building has become a famous landmark of Gotham City, and is the most-visited tourist location in it.
But, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between, as you saw for yourselves today, this building is not the only fascinating tourist attraction Gotham City has to offer. We put it as the final destination for our tour because it's the most popular one, but I hope you learned today that there are so many other places worth visiting in Gotham City that have a rich history behind them, and I hope that you will choose to join the "Googly Gotham Tours" again at some point in the future and see them all over again.
With that, our tour ends for now, and I hope you all had a great day."
We applauded again and the tourist guide bowed. I made sure to give her a tip afterwards, as I had very much enjoyed her explanations. In fact, while I was seeing the Official Gotham Dojo and taking a picture with it, an idea popped into my head. The more and more I thought about it on the way home, the more and more I liked it.
It was late afternoon when I arrived in Gotham Manor, and I was feeling very good about this day. In fact, I knew the answer to the question I had asked myself a few hours ago.
"What am I going to do with my life?" I had asked myself.
Well, now I know the answer.
I approached Alfred about my idea. He loved it, and tomorrow, he's going to move into Gotham Manor permanently, at least for the foreseeable future. With him, he's not just going to bring the attitude of a butler, and a grumpy cat named Fluffles the Third. He's bringing his entire dojo company to Gotham Manor and re-establishing it here.
And I'm going to be his assistant trainer.