october

Duncan never cared for Halloween until he met eleven year old Gwen. They had first met in English class at the start of seventh grade, and he had commented on how it was too early to be dressed up.

"It's not Halloween yet, why are you in a costume?" Duncan snorted as a small girl with long black hair sat down next to him. She was wearing a black dress, black tights, and a black cardigan, the only pop of color was the midnight blue choker she had on her neck.

"I'm not in a costume."

Duncan scanned her again. The combat boots, the fluffiness of the skirt, the dark makeup. Yeah, it was a costume. "Looks like you're in one."

The goth squinted her dark eyes at the punk, smacking her blue lips against each other before saying, "Halloween is the best holiday anyways."

Gwen was right. That Halloween, Duncan had gotten permission from his parents to go to her place, after his police officer dad did a background check on her parents, and Gwen showed him some alien movie that ended with chopped up human remains thrown across a cow field that he somehow never watched before (after claiming he was more hardcore than a girl when it comes to watching bloody films) and Gwen's dad scolding her for "scaring her new friend." They spent the rest of the night scaring trick-or-treaters instead, which resulted in Gwen's mom making them chocolate cake to lure them away from traumatizing any more kids.

Every Halloween after that, the two would spend it together showing each other grotesque indie horror films that they've discovered, and when Duncan was old enough to break the law, as if he didn't before, he would swipe spray cans so they could use the inspiration from the movies to graffiti some art on blank walls that they found in a nearby town.

That was what they were doing when Gwen got a text from Trent, and she placed the can down by her feet, taking off her gloves to look at her phone.

trent: what are you up to?
gwen: out with a friend
trent: you gonna be back anytime soon?

Ever since the party, Trent sat next to Gwen in class, passing notes and whispering silly dad jokes about chemistry that the goth admittedly thought were stupid, but she couldn't help but laugh. She was impressed by his vulnerability to be goofy, which was something she was surprised that she found attractive. She was also impressed with his persistence, stating that he had called and texted every variation of the numbers she gave him until he got the right one.

They texted sporadically, more so than Gwen usually texts people. She was hesitant to hang out with him, due to just being busy and her social anxiety, but he didn't seem to mind. Trent was the typical, be-friends-first, nice guy, and Gwen enjoyed that about him. He was different from any other guy she was ever interested in and was also the complete opposite of Duncan, who was a fuck first, talk later type of dude.

"That fag texting you again?"

"I told you not to call him that."

Duncan ignored her warning as Gwen decided not to text Trent back yet, and she put on her gloves again. She could feel the atmosphere get more uncomfortable as they continued painting.

The punk had only vocalized his opinions on Trent to Gwen once when he first found out that they were talking, asking her "what the hell are you even doing with that fag?". Duncan still took her to school, but since he started hanging out with Courtney after, Trent had been giving her rides back home. That didn't sit well with Duncan, but he had been quiet about it over the last month, hitting her up less and less.

"You guys a thing yet?"

"No," Gwen said too quickly and defensively, and she hoped that looking focused on working on her art would deter Duncan from pestering her about her new bond with the guitarist, but clearly she was just being optimistic. "I told you, we just have a class together."

"Seems like Elvis wants more than just a chemistry buddy."

Gwen chewed the insides of her cheeks, raising the spray paint can up to the wall and adding more details to the drawing. "It's nothing."

"He's not even your type, Pasty."

"Then what is my type?" Gwen asked, shaking her head. She didn't mean to say it so snappy, but she was getting annoyed at Duncan's bitterness. It wasn't like he was now officially "back together" with Courtney according to the CIT's blog and though Gwen hoped that it was just Duncan's way to bang her, still… He had no right to be making comments about her and Trent when he and Courtney were even more on the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Duncan didn't say anything, just spraying the wall as Gwen was, and she hated this feeling between them. Halloween was always their thing, something that they looked forward to every year and something that defined their friendship. But for the first time in six years, it felt more like something they had to do together rather than something they wanted to do together.

"It just never occurred to me that you would ever be interested in a guitar wielding nerd, that's all."

"Says the delinquent who's fucking the student body president and debate team captain."

Gwen could feel his annoyance bounce off his body language as he threw the paint can onto the floor and stepped back from the wall to face her. She took that as a sign that they were done for the night.

"At least I'm not into an obsessed freak that does everything in nines to manifest a relationship with them."

Usually, their jokes and banter had a sense of comedy or lightheartedness to it, but every jab they took at each other seemed more genuine than the last. The goth tried to hold in her true feelings, but her anger was getting the best of her.

Gwen glared at Duncan, crossing her arms across her chest as she spat out, "Well, at least I'm not dating a self-entitled brat who uses her daddy's money to get what she wants. Reality check Duncan, money's not going to get rid of her stuck up, bitchy attitude whenever you want to do something actually fun with your life. Unless you want to be a pencil pushing lawyer like her."

They stared at each other, the heavy tension evident between the two friends. Gwen watched as an angry vein popped out in Duncan's forehead, something she had only seen directed towards everyone else, but never at her.

All of a sudden, Duncan walked up to her and a large hand cupped her cheek while the other pulled in her waist so that her body was pressed against his. She gasped, looking up at Duncan's face, but she didn't push him away. Before she could say anything, his lips captured hers in a frenzy, and soon enough, his tongue was tracing her blue-stained lips.

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?

Gwen didn't know where the urgency to pour her soul into the kiss came from, but the minute she opened her lips and his tongue slipped in her mouth, she didn't care. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to her as if his grip on her body wasn't pulling her close enough. He pinned her against the wall that wasn't covered in paint, his hands rapidly exploring her body, leaving behind a trail of fire on her skin everywhere he touched.

It felt like time had paused, and all Gwen could think about was how badly she had wanted this. How she had imagined what his lips tasted like, how his large hands compared to her small body, how his body felt perfectly aligned with hers as if they were always meant to be touching like this.

Then just as fast as the pleasure came, the guilt rushed over her and she couldn't stop seeing Trent and Courtney's faces and flashes of the seven years of friendship she shared with Duncan.

In a moment of clarity, Gwen pushed Duncan away from her, breaking apart the kiss as she tried to wrap her head around what had just happened. She stood off to the side, eyes wide, trying to catch her breath. She could hear Duncan behind her, his raggedy breath mixing in with the water flowing through the stream under the bridge.

No words formed in her brain, nothing could explain how she felt, and all she could do was hold in the tears that were threatening to fall as she realized that their friendship had just ended.

The goth had feared it would happen the minute she placed her own feelings for Duncan after what had almost happened a month ago in his car, and even though she tried to hide it, even though she tried to transfer those feelings towards Trent, she knew it was pointless. But still, she had hoped that whatever she felt for Duncan was just a phase and that it would've gone away and she would get her best friend back. But the moment he kissed her, no matter how they decided to deal with it, they could never be the same again because he had just cheated on Courtney and there was no denying that she didn't feel something in that kiss.

"I have to go," Gwen whispered, not bothering to look back at Duncan before grabbing her bag from the floor and walking out from under the bridge. She turned on the flashlight on her phone to guide her out of the wooded ditch, hoping that maybe it was just all a dream and she would wake up because how could it be this bad so fast? It was only three months into the school year and everything had gone so wrong.

But the sounds of spray cans hitting cement walls echoed the empty, wooden area, and if the loud bangs and clanks of those bottles being chucked at the wall, especially with Duncan's strength, didn't wake her up, Gwen knew that this was reality.