Chapter Seven

It's You

Sean pulled up in his red car parked and then walked up to the pathway to Emma's door. He knocked and she answered. From the look of it, she was home alone with Snake's car not in the usual spot. Inside, she was a bundle of knots forming within her but on the outside, she looked great. She was happy to see him and excited about the evening out. "Hey."

He echoed an awkward yet friendly, "Hey." A few seconds passed and he blurted out, "I wanted to apologize, about earlier."

She paused and grimaced brimming with embarrassment and anticipation. She combed her hair behind her ear uncomfortably. Even though his apology was perfect, she just let it slide, "It's alright I guess it's a shock."

"It's not." Sean sighed not letting it go. She was taken aback by his response. She thought he'd never let it go and almost justify his actions and words, "I was out of line. It probably wasn't my business anyway." He could feel her embarrassment and discomfort and wanted it to go away, at least for tonight. "I'm not mad at you, alright? I'm truthfully a little mad at myself for like losing it over something that I should've never known about." Sean cracked a little smile, "I'd want to forget about Jay too."

"I'm glad to hear you say that," he reached for her hand as she said, "Apology accepted."

She took his hand in return, and he said, "Let's do this thing."

He opened the car door for her with his spare hand and they were soon en route to Paige's house. The radio was on KISS 92, and the first song they heard on their way was Christopher Rouses' Just Jane, their 'song'. The song was first heard during their first kiss but it holds significance to them. It dreaded up some sentimental memories. She expected him to skip it given the circumstances or not being his style as he was more rap music than something like this. Instead, he asked her as he drove after a few seconds, "You remember this one?"

"How could I forget?" Emma asked trying not to react. Inside she felt like perhaps it was an omen they'd have a good night.

Sean remarked, "It's kind of cute though, you think?"

"Of course, in the late nineties extra-cheese kind of way."

"Do you ever want a time machine to any period no questions asked where would you go?"

"Where would you go?"

"I asked first."

"Okay, I guess I'd change the way I treated Rick. I wouldn't be as harsh as I was. I was hanis."

"I'd go back to before, I wouldn't change anything but rather see it from a new side or perspective. Maybe I didn't steal you know or actually did good stuff in grade 9. My GPA is rough because of it." He chuckled, "I'd be nicer to you. I don't think I'd let you go the way I did." He wanted to say more but he was quiet and somber. Emma wanted to say something more but they had pulled up at Paige's. Together they marveled at all the pretty houses or in this case mansions in the vicinity.

Emma broke the silence after a few seconds when she saw the development, "Looks like we arrived."

After they parked Sean chuckled. "I feel underdressed for a place like this. Before I forget to tell you, you look gorgeous."

Emma instinctively blushed without realizing it. She loved that he complimented her but hid her feelings, and complimented him right back. "You're not too shabby either."

"Let's get inside." Emma hadn't even been to a party ever she doesn't count the ravine. Paige being the most popular girl in the school the party was a huge deal. A combination of retro meets modern decor, and balloons of pink and purple flanking her front entryway, they couldn't help but gawk. The details were prominently made complete with fancy cherrywood double doors bearing the letter M in some old English typeface, presumably standing for Michalchuk. They rang the doorbell, which was loud even from the outside. Paige was dressed up even more than she'd be at school and she was carrying a tray of shots in her left hand. There wasn't a parent in sight.

"Hey there!" Paige greeted them and took everyone's keys upon arrival in a basket and invited Emma and Sean in. She was pregaming with Hazel and Jimmy, you could tell because she reeked of alcohol and was still early. "Take one they are jolly ranchers and there are more jello shots in the fridge and other goodies in the kitchen!"

"Beer?"

"Beer AND twisted tea in coolers, right to your left." She crowned Emma with a neon glow stick necklace that glows to be pink. Sean wore one as well.

They saw the decor of the party was 1980s-themed. Emma missed the memo and looked a little out of place, she was just regularly dressed nicely. Their hand clasped, walking toward the entertaining room and which was an offshoot of the kitchen. They got some drinks for themselves. Emma made herself a captain and coke and Sean fetched himself a blue moon from the cooler. They continued to walk the halls and Sean could see people smoking, drinking, making out, and presumably making love in the many bedrooms. It wasn't just any party it was a make-out party something out of Full House perhaps a bit more PG than G.

Sean and Emma took one of the shots each on Paige's tray as she walked by to entertain even more guests. They'd have to admit Paige was a great hostess. She had a huge spread of food in her kitchen and they took a few nibbles of the dips, chips, and the like. Sean couldn't believe the architecture and admired Paige's house. It made his trailer park homes look like a total slum over in Wasaga and his apartment looked crummy. Paige snacked on some cherries, "So Em, how's your relationship going?"

Then she took out a cigarette and lit it up in front of Emma and offered her one, was it a test? Emma went along. She decides to give it a try. She coughs at first. "It's going great. We're doing great."

Paige and Emma laugh with delight, "I never thought I'd be smoking with cause girl. What would the environment say?"

"Stop it don't call me that." She wasn't mean or retaliating, she too was laughing. She continued smoking causing the room to be full of smoke. When Paige wasn't watching, Emma politely tossed the cigarette butt in the nearby ashtray. Sean would have to admit he was surprised but was pretty chill about it and didn't say a word. Paige ditched them in a few seconds. She was off to go entertain her guests. Already, she was clearly very drunk and the party was practically just starting up, she left them. "Anyway eat up guys."

Sean saw in the distance by the doors Paige went on to hug and welcome Marco and Ellie in her own special way. Of course, it appears to Sean she said something mocking her. Ellie was quick with a witty comeback bitterly but very passive-aggressive as usual. Sean didn't even know Paige and Ellie were friends or frienemies. Maybe he didn't really know her at all.

Emma turned her attention to Sean and saw him just as he is. She hated when others were right that maybe there was something more between the two of them. She started going down his features and becoming attracted once again. Sure he has nice eyes, hair, and a nice physic. She continued watching him, finally, Sean finally turned his head to speak to Emma. "Isn't this great?" She immediately was brought back to reality and she nodded in agreement. Then just people-watched it's safer that way because looking at him was tempting.

Emma's sneaking glances were not lost on Sean; he too could barely keep his eyes off of her. He asked her if she wanted to explore the party a bit and they walked around. Since they are guests for the night, they had to find a spare bedroom to spend their night in. However, when they got in there was only one room available and it only had one bed. They tried to avoid discussing the elephant in the room. It was a pretty room though just one big king. They presumed there'd be enough room for them to spread out and not be too close.

Paige had a hot tub in the backyard filled with others from their class. It was really a done-up party. Nothing more you could want additionally, everything you could want was there and within reach. They walked outside and got a glimpse of the outdoor sectionals and fire pits. Sean hadn't seen anything like it. There was a DJ blasting tunes in a tent and a slower-tempo song came on. He extended his hand to Emma and asked her "Will you dance with me?"

"Sure," he pulled her close to him as they swayed onto the dance floor by the DJ booth. They placed their drinks in the brick fixtures by the gazebo.

Other couples joined them on the patio dance floor but they were first. They were silent at first. Emma boldly thought how natural it felt and how close not just in proximity but in all aspects how close they'd connected in the meantime. She'd be lying if she said she didn't like it. It wasn't like in those corny middle schools dancing an arm's length apart; they were elbows bent and close. She felt safe in his arms. She didn't want to ruin the memory with words even though she was dying to speak. She wanted him to break the silence.

"This is nice." He remarked and Emma's attention was turned to him as they simply looked at each other in bliss.

Ellie saw them dancing. From the looks of it, they looked rather close and chummy but she desperately wanted to talk to Sean to clear the air. Before she braved their fall out and split the hard way. She still felt unresolved tension with him and needed some semblance of closure. She tapped Sean's shoulder and politely asked if she could have a word. Emma acknowledged and announced she was going to get her and Sean another drink. Her words fell hard on deaf ears.

She impulsively turned around and looked back and saw Sean and Ellie sitting on that nearby gazebo bench to talk. A tinge of hurt and some jealous thoughts entered Emma's mind but she gave them space. Everything has an end date so it seems. Maybe it was almost the end of her and Sean's time together. She could feel her heart starting to tinge with heartbreak and jealousy.

"You were saying?" Sean broke the silence. He glanced to see Emma had disappeared, before turning his attention back to Ellie.

"I wanted to say sorry about how I acted when you first came back to town. Just know, I still care. We're so different, you and I have both gone through a lot of changes. I like how you are with Emma, your new girlfriend. She and you go way back, have history and all. Who am I to stand in the way?"

Sean was truthfully sidetracked and distracted. He did his best to understand Ellie and the plight of the existence of their past. He felt less connected, and she was essentially giving the blessing of their faux romance. The plan worked if they were in their right state of mind then they'd both be overjoyed but that had come to pass and real feelings were emerging.

Emma decided to have a few shots for liquid courage while still watching them. A part of her knew it would be stupid decision. The shots didn't really affect her mood in her opinion, she outwardly was a wreck and trying to keep it together. She felt this familiar pain in the pit of her stomach that could only be recognized as a feeling of heartbreak. Paige whispered to Emma in a warning tone, "You know, they sneak up on you."

She muttered brazenly and carelessly, "I don't care." Paige shrugged and moved on to find others to celebrate with.

When Sean and Ellie finished talking, the first thing that came to mind was Emma. He decides to look for her but she finds her dancing alone in a big old crowd. She was more than a little tipsy. They hadn't even been speaking all that long. She was brandishing a nondescript drink and he came back up to her. "Hey what are you doing?" Sean asked with concern.

She bitterly spat, "It took you long enough." She played a little dumb, "Where were you?"

"She just wanted to talk. Have closure or whatever."

"Is that all it was?" She asked rather seriously.

"C'mon let's get you somewhere quiet. I need, I need to talk to you."

He led her up to that spare bedroom. He didn't necessarily carry her like a baby; she went somewhat willingly and he helped her up with his arms protecting her back. He whizzed by the water cooler and got her cold water before venturing up the stairs with her in tow.

When he shut the door behind him he said to her somewhat frustrated. "You know, getting drunk wasn't exactly part of the plan."

"Isn't that what you do when you go to a party? It's so good, Sprite and Rasberry vodka, wanna try?" Sean took away her drink and put it on the nightstand. He could smell it, and it was sweet and nauseating she frowned.

"Drink this," he calmly yet firmly commanded as he passed the water bottle down to her seat on the bed. She took a few sips. Determined he added, "Drink all of it." And before a few seconds or even less than a minute she finished. "Trust me you'll feel better."

"So what did she say?"

"Am I missing something here? What's going on with you Emma?"

Emma sighed as she flung herself onto the only bed and sighed feining relaxation. "I thought you were, I don't know getting back with her."

Sean didn't see Emma's side just yet, he was too focused on getting Emma back in the right frame of mind. He made an excuse not to tell her because she wasn't yet in the state to hear him. He figured he'll wait until later. He simply in a hushed tone told her, "No. Not tonight Emma. Tonight's supposed to be fun."

"Well, I'm not having fun." She revealed in a whiny tone as she crossed her arms after throwing the empty bottle into the guest room waste basket.

He paused for a moment trying to think of something to say. "I'm sorry you're not, if I'm being honest neither am I. So let's try to make the most of the night."

"How do you propose we do that?" Emma asked curiously as she got up off of the bed.

"There's something I need to tell you after you like sober up by the way."

"What may that be?" Emma asked furrowed brow. He could tell she wasn't having it and had more questions than he had answers. He was preparing the words even though she was being a princess pain in the ass, they still wanted to have some fun at the party with others.

"Don't worry about it," Sean finally relented, "You ready to go back down?" She nodded her head as she headed for the door, "When you sober up, we'll talk then. I'll say it's pretty important."

Deciding to table it until they both calmed down, they went down to the fire pits and decided to sit by the fire and relax. Em got a soda and Sean didn't drink anything but water. He had his arm around her, he didn't exactly plan it but they appeared quite comfortable in that as if it was planned. A few other guys and girls from their class were around. One girl from the yearbook committee asked trying to engage. "So what's it like being Mr and Miss Degrassi?"

"We'll let you know." Sean tried to talk for the two of them since Emma was deep in thought but he didn't know why, but he really didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say it dawned on him just that evening when his protective nature was kicked into the highest of gears.

He didn't want to leave her alone. He didn't want to leave her side. Ellie since their little discussion hadn't entered any part of his mind. She wandered away from his heart for quite some time now. Over the past few days and he doesn't any longer see her the way he used to.

xxxxx

It started getting late. The party began to wind down and people were either leaving for home or going to their respective rooms. Emma and Sean ventured to the upstairs bedroom they had claimed despite it only having one bed. They turned down the sheets and got underneath. She laid down beside him and they silently tried to get comfortable. She knew she was more than likely not going to get much sleep with so much on her mind. She suddenly remembered he never told her that oh-so-important thing he wanted to tell her. She yawned and turned to her side to face him, he faced her not yet asleep. They were definitely tired, sobered up, calm, and relaxed. Not too tired to where any sort of conversation was off the table.

Sean did something unexpected he pulled her close into a comforting embrace. "Did you end up having fun tonight?"

She murmured into his chest smiling, "I did. How about you?"

He nodded silently. He felt close to her at that moment, he'd be lying if he said he didn't like that. He knew though, if anything was said about it it'd have to be the truth and he had to tell her soon. The words were forming on the tip of his tongue all he had to do was open up about his feelings. If he could play that memory again, him holding her tight as the party died down. They spent an evening in this bed he never wanted to be in the first place but things changed. There's no place he'd rather be than the present if he was being truthful. He's planning on owning up to it. Emma too is grappling with feelings and emotions unsaid but fears the rejection of putting herself out there.

"Emma, so about earlier," Sean started to say softly. She wordlessly acknowledged by looking up he could feel her on his chest listening. "I don't know but just out with it," He lightly and awkwardly chuckled. "I don't know how you're going to react. I want to tell you something important. but first I want to say first that I actually love spending all this time with you. I love getting to know you better all over again. I feel like I'm falling for you, you don't have to reciprocate or feel the same I just -I always fuck it up. I don't want to fuck it up."

"Fuck up what?" Emma asked. "Reciprocate what?"

"What could be." Sean sighed as he instinctively and spontaneously ran his fingers through Emma's long locks. He stammered out, "What I messed up, with us before." He hadn't been this close in a long time, not since their last relationship. They realized then that the cat was out of the bag. So far, they'd broken every cardinal rule in their rouse. He'd broken the arrangement when those long-forgotten thoughts entered his head and wouldn't leave and started making some real sense. When he'd go back and forth in deciphering these thoughts these past few hours made it even more evident. They were on the same wavelength.

Emma at the moment didn't know what to say, so she just let him talk. She didn't move. She didn't answer, she didn't feel like he was finishing his thoughts. She simply listened to him. So she let him continue, her time to talk would come soon enough. She wasn't asleep. She was simply taking it in, not figuring out what she was planning on saying but simply listening to his voice, the sound, the words so romantic and significantly alluring, his heart beating close to her, and what exactly he was saying. He was a man of few words and little syllables, for him to say something so special and grand made her feel so warm. She was dying on the inside. She always wanted something like this said to her and those words from the same person were like having the best of both worlds. She liked that they were talking this way. She liked how it felt comforting he was running his hands through her hair. She felt close to him.

Finally, he let out a little cough and just said quietly. "I messed up already though. I messed up. I don't even want to be with Ellie anymore to tell you the truth but we already fudged up the plan."

She wanted to challenge him with, 'You don't know that' or whatever but she would be lying. Did this mean what she thinks it means? Either way, She was eating this up, she loved this, him, his words, his gestures. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. She hated making the first move, but she thought it was hopeless but it was the opposite. She could tell he meant every word. He felt defeated. He didn't think she felt that way. It was her time to chime in but she hesitated. He added to his own reply. "I guess this is a long-winded way of telling you that I don't care what happens now, as long as I have you in my life. You don't have to feel the same but I'd really like it if you did. I hope you do. I really hope you do. I have somewhat of a confession to make if you hadn't read the room already."

She listened to him once more, this time she was making eye contact. As he moved she took a movement back onto her pillow. He decided to take off his shirt, which was random to her, but then she saw his tattoo and it all started to make sense. She was quick to sit up, she stood up on her knees and traced the tattoo with her fingers which bore her name. Before she could ask any questions he started to tell her the story of how and why it even came to be. It was long before the vow of pretending, it was born less than a year ago but now it changes almost everything.

"I uh went to this tattoo shop and all with my friends from Wasaga. Everyone always says if you're planning on getting a tattoo or something this permanent, there's a lot to go through in your head about. You ought to make it something you love, make something important, make it significant, and make it something you'd never regret. Something you feel close to so there are no regrets. At the time the first and last thing that came to mind was you. Sure I could've got a motorcycle, my own last name, a car, and while it's a little bit cliched to get somebody's name, you're not just a somebody or a thing to me. It wasn't until I got ready to go to this thing when I was changing that I remembered what everything is really about. Now, to others, you might be completely unremarkable, but you made such an impression on me." Sean paused for a little bit. He had her undivided attention as if she were hanging on his every word and he at this very moment. "I don't know when I don't know how and I don't even know why but I'm so drawn to you. I'm one hundred percent into you, and I don't care what anybody says. It's you, Emma. It's always been. I tried to fight and deny and I couldn't, I can't. I can't pretend anymore."

He brought his hand up to her face, her eyes widening, if this was some sort of romantic comedy this is that moment culminating where the big damn kiss might happen. He was at her mercy. He was scared, scared she didn't reciprocate. Then he looked closer and saw that she was more than inviting his advance stunned in silence.

He combed back her long golden hair behind her ear and moved gingerly and closer so she had all the ample time in the world to stop him if she wanted to. She inched closer and before long their foreheads touched. Followed by their noses touching, and finally, they took a breath into a long, passionate, romantic, and loving kiss. The mutual passion between them lead the way as they have fallen onto one another and into each other's arms. Their hands groped and explored one another, her hands on his shoulders as he made his way onto her. No more hesitations, holding back or otherwise.

He whispered softly in question as they pulled back from the embrace. "Should I stop?"

She quietly shook her head no as she softly intertwined her lips back to his. He caressed her cheek, and made his way with a trail of kisses from her lips downwards toward her neck, and then back up to her lips. It was romantic, it was spontaneous, but unapologetic yet cautious. Soon they enveloped in one another's embrace and quickly developed even more urgency. She wanted to say so much, but she felt breathless at that moment. They both were simply in tune with whatever they both desired.

Sean softly kissed her once more and it continued it was getting hotter in the room. Seeing that he was already shirtless she decided to remove her dress over her head after some time. He aided her, as she lay down in the middle of the bed. She had thought it'd be this weird, awkward, back-to-back sleeping arrangement. It was nothing like her wildest dreams they'd end up this way.

She traced her hands down his back, soft and slow as they continued to kiss and continued their romantic impulses. They took things slow at first and then before long simultaneously, they were racing towards forbidden desires and impulses. In seconds their bodies were beading with sweat and they were breathing heavily. From the tension, the romantic vibe, and the all-encapsulating passion between the two of them.

She finally nodded her head yes. They finally decided to take things to an entirely different, new, and exciting level. They peeled off the rest of their clothing until they were both in their natural forms. Emma wasn't worried about her hangups with her body's imperfections, and Sean hadn't anything to hide from her. Everything they were, laid bare for the other to see. She softly cupped her hands on his hands as she whispered in his ear, "I'm ready for this."

Sean reached into the drawer by the nightstand. When inside he pulled out protection for themselves and his lips and body returned to Emma's. They went from just friends masquerading as a relationship to a semblance of the real thing.