Nacelle watches Thundercracker quickly complete the Trail Making Test while he takes the time it takes for the blue seeker to finish the test. Thundercracker's hand holding the digital pencil flies over the datapad, connecting all the dots with an incredible surety, and Nacelle does not have to stop him once because Thundercracker is making no mistakes at all despite the speed.
"Done." Thundercracker states, putting down the pencil and looking up from the datapad.
Nacelle stops the time at that moment, looking at it and writing it down on his datapad with all of the other results from this session.
"Perfect. Then we can conclude the testing, and I will sit down when our session is over to formulate my mental status evaluation of you based on your recent results." He puts away the datapad containing all the gathered data and looks at Thundercracker with a light frown. "How have you felt recently?"
Thundercracker has struggled to cope with what had happened since the incident with the spontaneous memory of his former self's erasure. After Hotspot's visit, the blue seeker finally started to open up about what he had experienced, giving Nacelle a horrifying insight into what Retrograde's victims had felt while her procedure happened. They have had numerous sessions where Thundercracker did nothing but cry as he retold his memory―constantly asking why people would be like that, why him, and all kinds of other questions in the same line of thought.
Now months later, Thundercracker has finally begun to cope with it all―has started to accept it as much as anyone can accept something like that―but it is still causing him struggles, and it will likely do so for the rest of his life. Because while Nacelle can somewhat understand how it must have felt, he can never fully understand or help Thundercracker find the answers to all of his questions―existential and non-existential.
"I'm still confused by it all and still getting used to not having to look over my shoulder in fear of danger whenever Skywarp and I are out on our own. Now that I...well...understand better what must have happened before I existed and the danger my former self lived with, I can't help feeling what he felt. What Torrent made him feel. And Retrograde. It is weird how a single memory can contain so much emotion and spark-deep fear that I know doesn't belong to me but still affect me despite knowing it."
Nacelle smiles inwardly at Thundercracker's way of looking at it analytically. Distancing himself from the event as much as he can―because he was not the one to suffer the procedure, only remember it―but still putting it into a perspective that allows him to own what had happened and acknowledge it as something that is a part of him, but without getting emotionally destroyed by the fact.
They have definitely come a long way, but there is still one thing that remains unresolved.
"I know you don't like talking about it, Thundercracker. But have you given more thought to Hotspot's suggestion of you and Skywarp bonding?"
Thundercracker's optics fill with uncertainty and his wings tense in a way Nacelle has become familiar with whenever he brings up the―apparently sensitive―question. When Hotspot suggested it, Thundercracker seemed to actually consider it, but nothing has happened since, and it is clear that the blue seeker prefers not to talk about it. But it doesn't change the fact that it is something that needs to be decided before they can go forward with more planned memory uploads―even if it is something sensitive to the blue seeker for whatever reason.
"No." Thundercracker answers and rises, leaving Nacelle's makeshift office without another word―most likely to go to his usual spot on the roof, where he seems to retreat whenever he wants to be alone.
Nacelle lets out a sigh as he watches the door close behind Thundercracker. The blue seeker has grown a lot in personality since leaving the Polyhexian Cartel―which is a good thing―but right now, it feels like having a youngling on their hands that constantly will try to challenge them and their boundaries on everything. And while he would have reprimanded Thundercracker on his behavior if the blue seeker had been his creation, Thundercracker is not―he is an adult despite his mind undergoing the mental development of a youngling. Nothing good would come of admonishing him anyway. Only more defiance.
With another sigh, he picks up the datapad with all the test results and starts to work on the mental status evaluation.
Follow-up Mental Status Evaluation:
Data-file 3729-C.
Date: 05-13-07-1840.
Psychiatrist: Nacelle (Dr. med. dipl. psych. I-11.)
Client: Thundercracker.
Frame-type: Seeker.
Field: Curious/Nervous.
Medical examination completed: Yes. See following.
Medical examination: Thundercracker's carriage is progressing at a normal rate. Regular scans show the sparkling growing as it should. The sparkling is reacting normally to outside stimuli, indicating that the severe physical and psychological traumas inflicted upon its carrier during the carrying have left no lasting impact on it.
Psychological evaluation: Thundercracker had a setback in his recovery process when a traumatic memory of his original identity's erasure resurfaced. I have had several sessions with him, and he is finally starting to cope with what had happened to him in his past. His connection to his sparkling has not been as strong as seen in other carriers and especially among seekers, but his unique circumstances have impacted that. His mind was that of a sparkling at the early start of his carrying, and as such, he had no understanding of the life growing inside him. He is open and willing to learn and responds positively to guidance when it comes to creating a closer bond with his growing sparkling. After its field unfolded and it began to sense the people around it, Thundercracker has grown as a carrier and is responding naturally to its curiousness aimed at him and Skywarp.
MoCA:
Orientation: Thundercracker provides clear and precise answers when asked where he is, who he loves and what year it is. Score: 3.
Short-term memory: Thundercracker's ability to recall 3 objects after 2-5 minutes shows that his short-term memory is intact. Score: 3.
Long-term memory: Thundercracker provides clear answers when asked questions about who saved him from Torrent's attack on A-63, what Torment looks like and his arrival at the Polyhexian Cartel. Score: 3.
Math: Thundercracker manages to count down from 100 by subtracting 7 within normal parameters. Score: 3.
Word finding: Thundercracker is asked to name as many objects in a single category(his frame) as possible in a minute. Succeeds in mentioning 14. Score 2.
Attention and concentration: Thundercracker is asked to spell a 5-letter word forward and backward. Chosen word: House. Score: 3.
Naming objects: Thundercracker is presented to a chair. He answers correctly when asked what it is. When asked to name a part of the chair, he says chair leg without hesitation. Score: 3.
Following commands: I asked Thundercracker to do the following: 'put your right leg on top of your left knee', then asked him to 'take my datapad, turn it face down and put it on the floor'. Score: 3.
Writing: I asked Thundercracker to write a sentence containing a subject and object and makes sense. Writes: I love Skywarp and kissed him earlier today. Score: 3.
Spatial orientation: Thundercracker asked to draw two intersecting pentagons. Score: 3.
Abstract reasoning: Thundercracker is presented to several pieces of metal with various objects imprinted on them. Asked to identify a unifying theme between 4 of them. (Ex. All are numbers. All are colors. All are vehicles.) The client then asked to interpret a moderately challenging proverb. Collective score: 2.
Judgment: Asked Thundercracker the following hypothetical situation requiring good judgment: 'What would you do if you found a large amount of shanix on the sidewalk?' (Correct answer would be to bring them to an enforcer, the wrong answer would be to spend them.) 'Find their owner' is his answer, which correlates well with the expected answer. Score: 3.
Total score: 34 of 36, where 32-36 is within a normal cognitive function.
WAIS-IV:
Verbal Comprehension: VCI describes Thundercracker's abstract verbal reasoning, semantic knowledge, verbal comprehension and expression, his degree of general information acquired from culture, and his ability to express abstract social conventions, rules and expressions.
Perceptual Reasoning: PRI shows Thundercracker's visual spatial processing and problem solving; visual motor construction, his nonverbal abstract problem solving and inductive reasoning, visual spatial reasoning, his ability to quickly perceive visual details and quantitative reasoning.
Working Memory: WMI tests Thundercracker's working memory, attention, encoding and auditory processing, his quantitative reasoning, concentration, mental manipulation and mental control.
Processing Speed: PSI tests Thundercracker's processing speed, associative memory and graphomotor speed.
TMT:
The Trail Making Test gives an indication of Thundercracker's visual search speed, scanning, speed of processing, mental flexibility and executive functioning. Thundercracker is tasked to connect the numbers 1-25. Then tasked to connect numbers and letters. (Ex. 1 - A - 2- B etc.). The goal of the test is to complete the two tasks as fast as possible, with the time taken to complete the test being used as the primary performance metric. Thundercracker will be corrected if he makes errors, but the error rate is not recorded since it is assumed that if errors are made, it will be reflected in the completion time.
Conclusion:
We now know that Thundercracker's mental regression, as mentioned in the Mental Status Evaluation performed by Athena(Dr. ph.d. med. dipl. psych.), specialist in Forensic Psychiatry, was caused by an illegal medical procedure performed by an unauthorized psychiatrist who used her inherent outlier ability to invade the processor of her victims.
His mental regression was caused by the damage caused to his processor following the illegal procedure, and he no longer shows any sign of mental regression.
The results of the MoCA test, when compared to the same test performed by Athena(Dr. ph.d. med. dipl. psych.), specialist in Forensic Psychiatry, show a significant improvement, and Thundercracker now scores within normal parameters.
The results from the WAIS-IV test show a significant improvement as well.
The four index scores representing the major components of intelligence are used to calculate Thundercracker's Full Scale IQ and can be used to compare his IQ with others of the same age and education.
In the test performed by Athena(Dr. ph.d. med. dipl. psych.), specialist in Forensic Psychiatry, Thundercracker had the following results:
VCI score: 59.
PRI score: 57.
WMI score: 54.
PSI score: 67.
Leading to a Full Scale IQ of: 59.
The WAIS-IV test performed on Thundercracker today shows the following results:
VCI score: 91.
PRI score: 87.
WMI score: 98.
PSI score: 92.
Leading to a Full Scale IQ of: 92.
The range between 90-110 is considered to be the normal range, showing that Thundercracker is no longer mentally retarded. However, while he has improved significantly, there is still some way for him to get back to where he used to be, according to my earlier test of him at D-14, where he scored a Full Scale IQ of 104. Because of his loss of memories, he has lost a lot of the acquired basic knowledge we all gain as we grow up and interact with the people around us and society. When he finishes in the school system and gets up to par with other people his age and former education, I expect he will get to where he was and maybe higher.
That is because my test of him at D-14 was based on a version of Thundercracker, who also had undergone the same illegal procedure, changing him from a talented, intelligent journalist into an individual without knowledge of his former life. Thundercracker completed the Trail Making Test at a surprising speed, clearly indicating he possesses an above-average visual search speed, scanning, speed of processing, mental flexibility and executive functioning. This means it is still to be seen how Thundercracker continues to develop intellectually when he gets all the professional assistance he needs to grow into an independently functioning individual.
Prowl walks into their home carrying a medium-sized box in his arms and walks up their stair to the first floor where his home office is located, careful not to damage its fragile content as he gently puts it on his desk. He looks at it for a while, contemplating the best course of action before carefully opening the box to assess its content.
There, securely nestled in protective linen, lies Skywarp's warp-gate.
The original one.
The one Torrent's engineers had taken apart and nearly destroyed to replicate its ability.
After the Organization's downfall, the Joint Investigation Unit finally had time to review everything they had confiscated from the Syndicate's operational headquarters. Among them, the remains of the original warp-gate had been found along with the schematics Torrent's engineers had used to recreate it.
It had taken engineering specialists weeks to piece it together and restore it to full function.
And now it is ready to be given back to Skywarp.
::Skywarp, could you come to my office?::
There is no response, but a minute later, there is a gentle knock on the door.
"Come in." He calls and motions for Skywarp to enter and then close the door.
Skywarp looks curiously at him.
"Why did you want to see me, Prowl?"
Prowl gestures with a hand toward the opened box.
"We have recovered something that belongs to you."
Skywarp walks closer to the desk and the box sitting innocently on it, taking a curious peek into it, blinking in confusion at the sight of the strange device covered by countless connection points and with several dozen cables sticking out of it.
"This is your warp-gate. Fully restored and functional and ready to be reinstalled if you wish so."
Skywarp looks up at Prowl in surprise, then down at the device again, a tremble beginning in his wings and soon overtaking his whole frame as overwhelming feelings fill him.
His warp-gate.
So many traumatic memories are connected to it and he never thought he would ever see it again.
He reaches into the box and touches it reverently.
"Yes."
He looks at Prowl with determination.
"Yes. I want it reinstalled. As soon as possible, preferably."
Want to be whole again.
Nacelle studies Skywarp closely while the black and purple seeker sits across from him in his office at I-11. A month has passed since Skywarp got his warp-gate reinstalled, and it is time for Nacelle to assess Skywarp's mental state of health and evaluate his need for continued medicinal treatment.
Since he received his warp-gate, Skywarp has become more mentally stable and confident, a far step even from who he had been at D-14. It brings hope that Skywarp can be taken off of some of the medication he currently is on and that that will help him realize his potential even more with time. Because right now, the two types of medication Skywarp is on are dampening or entirely preventing certain areas in his processor from sending signals to the rest of his processor, which leads to temporary impairments in other areas of his processor and thus impacts certain aspects of Skywarp's personality―like his creativity.
Asperine especially has an altering effect on the processor and should not be used over a longer time by patients who only have had a single psychotic episode and aren't in the process of getting diagnosed because damage to the processor can occur.
"Based on my observations of you and our talk today, I am confident it is time to lower your medication. I suggest we slowly halve your daily dose of Asperine over the following weeks. If it goes well, I want to get you off the anti-psychotic as quickly as is safe because medication like Asperine is really nasty to your processor. I expect that you relatively quickly will notice a change in yourself as you slowly get taken off of it. When you are off of Asperine, we can look at Thelatyl. With your traumatic experiences, I expect you to be on it for a long time yet. You might even need it for the rest of your life to help keep you stable. Thelatyl is far less harmful than Asperine and will help you as you still learn to cope with everything."
Skywarp nods in understanding as he processes what Nacelle is saying.
"I am open to your suggestion. I have never felt more like myself than I do now. And I can feel how my stress levels have finally gone down. I am no longer alert all the time and ready to bolt in case of a perceived danger. Time with you, Prowl, and all of your lovely neighbors have done wonders for me and Thundercracker."
Nacelle smiles.
"I am happy to hear that. It was what I hoped would happen when I brought the two of you home with me. We all needed to regain a sense of normalcy after all that happened. Taking it one slow step at a time. Thou, I'm uncertain how well Thundercracker is handling it all. After what happened with the memory uploads, he has been closed off and distant and doesn't really come forward with anything when asked about Hotspot's bonding suggestion."
"I actually wanted to talk with you about that because I don't know how to do it."
"Bonding?"
"Proposing it to him."
Nacelle's spark fills with warmth.
His issue with Thundercracker may be about to solve itself.
"I know it might be weird to bring it up. But time has passed since Hotspot brought it up as a possible solution, with Thundercracker making no move to bring it up himself. Until recently, I have been too caught up in my own issues to realize that he is waiting for me to take the next step―which makes complete sense when I think about it. Knowing Thundercracker, he doesn't want to force this decision on me but wants me only to propose it if it is something I want, not out of a sense of duty to him but because I genuinely cannot see my life without him."
Skywarp rises from the chair and walks mindlessly back and forth in the office as he carries on in his analysis of Thundercracker's withdrawn behavior.
"He has patiently waited while I pulled myself together and became the sire he deserves, not the mess I have been since all of this started. And since I can see it clearly as day now, it must mean I am finally ready to make the decision. And the answer in the depth of my spark is yes. I want him to be my bondmate and live with him for the rest of my life. He is my one and only, always has been and always will be. But now the question is, how do I propose it to him?"
Thundercracker is, as usual, sitting on the roof of Nacelle and Prowl's home, but this time his attention is not on the neighborhood but on Skywarp flying in the air above him. The black and purple seeker is painting the sky with his contrail while teleporting in and out of highly skilled aerial maneuvers. Even if he already knew about Skywarp's ability from returned memories, it still fascinates him to watch his loved one vanish into thin air, only to reappear in another place barely a second later.
He had gone into a panic when Skywarp had shown him the restored warp-gate and then told him he would have to undergo complex surgery to reinstall it. A deep-seated fear of losing one of the few constants in his life had taken root in his spark.
He couldn't lose Skywarp.
He simply couldn't!
Nacelle, Prowl and Skywarp spent the whole evening trying to calm him down and only succeeded somewhat. It was first when Nacelle explained that the warp-gate was something Skywarp needed in the same way that Thundercracker needed his memories returned. Skywarp would not be whole before he had it back.
Looking at it like that made it more bearable to think about, but on the day of the extensive surgery, and especially during it, he had been a complete nerve wreck, anxiously waiting at the door to the awakening section for any news on Skywarp's state.
Skywarp pops into existence beside him, drawing him out of his thoughts, and Thundercracker looks up at the sky, where there is a slowly fading image of his face painted in white contrails.
It is beautiful, and he stares stunned at it.
"Thundercracker."
Skywarp kneels before him, and Thundercracker looks at him as his hands are gently taken.
"Will you bind your spark to mine?"
He stares even more stunned at Skywarp, too surprised to say anything.
"Thundercracker?"
He senses Skywarp grow insecure as the silence stretches awkwardly between them.
There is movement below them, and Thundercracker sees Nacelle look up at them with a broad/wide smile as he steps free of the shadows.
"Now is the time to say yes or no, Thundercracker."
He looks back at Skywarp uncertainly.
"Are you sure?"
"I couldn't be more certain about something in my life than I am right now, Thundercracker. You are my one and only. Always has been and always will be."
"Then... Yes. I want to bind my spark to yours forever." He answers with a blinding smile and happy tears filling his optics.
Skywarp returns his smile and takes a firmer hold on his hands.
"Hold tight."
And then they are gone in a mist of purple.
When they rematerialize, Thundercracker lands on his back on their shared berth, with Skywarp kneeling above him.
"So, how are we doing this?" He asks while gently caressing Skywarp's cheek.
Skywarp leans into the caress, savoring the feel of the exploring digits mapping him out.
"I have no idea."
"Trial and error it is, then."
Thundercracker's digits slowly travel from Skywarp's face and down his neck to end at the black chest plates protecting the spark of his beloved. His hand rests there while he, with the other, pulls Skywarp down towards him, his optics fixated on the lips coming closer and closer. He has never kissed anyone before. This will be his first time, and uncertainty takes hold of him for a moment, but then he pushes it aside and follows through with his intention.
He gently touches his lips to Skywarp's and immediately decides he loves the feeling of them against his. Clearly more experienced than him, Skywarp gently takes charge, and the innocent, chaste kiss gradually evolves into something more and more intense between them. A hand caresses feather-light along the leading edge of his left wing, and he moans as tickling, intense pleasure shoots straight down to the area between his legs.
A memory―one of his own but vague―pops into his awareness and confuses him. He pulls away from the kiss with a frown and tries to understand it and its associated feelings.
"Are you okay?" Skywarp asks him, and he nods absentmindedly.
When nothing further comes from the vague memory, he decides to push it aside for later.
Right now, he has a bonding to complete.
He focuses back on Skywarp and smiles reassuringly at him before pulling the black and purple seeker down for a kiss again.
"Mine." Comes spontaneously over his lips, driven by a desperate need within his spark.
"Yours. Forever." Skywarp echoes his desperate need.
Their chestplates slowly split apart to reveal their sparks bared to each other and held only a fraction apart―enough to not initiate the merge but still feel tendrils of energy interweave between their sparks. The sensation is strange, and they sense the faintest wisps of each other's memories.
"Ready?" Skywarp asks, looking down into Thundercracker's bright, awed optics.
Thundercracker nods, so caught up in what he senses in their faint connection that no sound can escape his lips.
Skywarp lets out the breath he has held in and then brings their sparks into contact.
Skywarp looks confused at his surroundings. He is inside an office with the walls covered by framed printouts of countless articles and awards. He recognizes Thundercracker's name on many of them and realizes he is in a memory belonging to the original Thundercracker.
Fragmented thoughts echo around him, suddenly becoming a primal, inarticulate scream of pure agony and terror.
He covers his audials with his hands, unable to bear the torrent of feelings, thoughts and sensations assaulting him all at once.
And then, it is gone.
Just like the flick of a switch.
He removes his hands from his audials and looks around in the eerie silence, instinctually knowing that what he just experienced should never have happened.
The eradication of an identity.
Is this what is left of the original Thundercracker?
His last moment?
He walks out of the office and into another clearly fragmented memory because before him is a chaos of memories put together into one. Tears fill his optics as Thundercracker's voice echoes all around him, talking to him, begging him, praying for him, needing him.
His Thundercracker.
Before all of it is gone in silence again.
Just like that.
Gone by the flick of a switch, never to be recovered.
"I love you!" He calls out into the silent nothingness surrounding him, but no answer comes.
Nevertheless, it helps him because he never had the chance to say goodbye to Thundercracker. Making this feel like the closure he has needed for so long to truly give himself over to his new love. It is as if a burden gets lifted from his spark, and he bursts into tears as the weight of guilt vanishes.
When he is ready to move on, he steps into the door of light that opens before him and into the Polyhexian Cartel's enormous hangar with all its aircraft lined up row after row.
There, hidden behind an aircraft, he watches from Thundercracker's point of view himself walk down the ramp of the aircraft he had arrived in and then talk to Torment.
This memory is complete and continues endlessly, letting him observe Thundercracker's reactions to his arrival at the Polyhexian Cartel. Some of the moments make him smile, while others make him outright laugh as he has Thundercracker's thoughts as background noise to add an extra dimension to all that is going on.
However, when the memory arrives at the moment where they met for the first time, he cringes at his own reaction and how Thundercracker reacts to it. He reaches out to Thundercracker with regret in his spark and then, to his surprise, feels a response coming from outside the memory.
~It is okay, Skywarp.~ it communicates.
He startles, not having realized they could communicate in the merge.
Thundercracker sends the impression of a chuckle in response.
No words are needed.
A simple thought can convey a thousand.
With that realization, he focuses on their connection more than the memories he witnesses. Their communication happens rapid-fire, and in the blink of an optic, he has learned more about Thundercracker than he has over the last many months.
It all strengthens him in his belief that this is right. That Thundercracker is his one and only. And he is blessed to know him.
~I love you!~
An impression of deep, fond feelings envelops him as Thundercracker responds with his own declaration of love. At that moment, the bonding of their sparks reaches its peak with the complete merge of their sparks' cores into one, binding them together for all eternity.