Eventually Braddon dreamed. He was flying through the fog once more, no matter how fast he went, how much thrust he applied, he never seemed to move. There was nowhere to take a bearing from. No comms signal to pick up, he scanned the frequencies again just in case. "Mayday! Mayday!" he transmitted to no one. One of his scanners was picking up a reading, he altered course and sped towards it. It looked like a human in a pressure suit, he was close enough for a visual and could see it was the bright red of the standard brawn issue suits, there were vitals as well, whoever occupied it was still alive, he sped further forward desperate to reach them. As he drew closer he realised something was wrong. The suit was much bigger than he had first thought, or he was much smaller, it towered above him 20 times his size, still he approached. It rotated slowly, yes he could almost make out the face, Pacifica! He quickly applied reverse thrust but it was too late, she reached out her giant gloved hand towards him.

"No, no no no, get back!" Braddon yelled loudly.

Xanther stared at his column, hands clasping her ears as she sat in the captain's chair. "Braddon are you ok?"

Realising what had happened he groaned. He quickly cycled through all of his sensors, both inside and out, confirming no strange intruders had smuggled aboard, and that everything was still connected as it should.

"Braddon?" She had lifted her hands away from her ears slightly, but they hovered in case she needed to re-apply them quickly.

"Yes, I'm fine, all systems normal." He stated as calmly as possible. "How long was I out?" A couple of empty caffeinated beverages next to the controls indicated that Xanther had not slept.

"Six hours." Came the timid reply.

"Six hours?!" He quickly checked the logs, indeed the computer confirmed the fact that he had been asleep for just over 6 hours. "That can't be, I left commands in place to wake me after 3."

"I overwrote them." He turned his attention towards Xanther, she had puffy eyes and looked like she had been crying, she sat rigid, unmoving, afraid. Oh shit. He thought, she is looking at me like I am about to throw her out the airlock, what else had she taken control of? He found that access had been blocked to sleeping gas which was intended for use during emergencies to subdue intruders.

"Braddon, you needed the rest." She said slowly.

"You must think I am crazy. I bet central is on their way now to provide an escort!"

She winced at his words. "Is that what you think of me…" She turned to the controls.

"No, wait, what are you doing? Don't knock me out again!" Panic and fear never left him for long.

"Approving your medication gave me limited access to a fraction of your health records, and temporary override to a small number of systems. I am returning control to you now." With that she hit the final key before pulling her feet up onto the chair and holding them close to her chest. Braddon found that access to the gas had been restored.

"But, why would you do that? You aren't even suited up?" He was confused.

"Because I trust you! Because I need you to trust me!" Tears trickled down her face, and she suppressed a sob.

"Why are you crying?" He said softer. Her actions didn't match with the paranoid thoughts that had been circling his mind for the past few days, the tangle of lies was slowly beginning to unravel.

"Because I have failed you!"

"What?"

"I just can't figure out why you chose me, why anyone would choose me after… but it was obvious right from the start that you didn't really want me here, so why?" He was trying to make sense of what she was saying, her credentials were all in order, there were no black marks that should deter her career options.

"Somehow my actions have caused you great enough mental stress, such that you would risk your health, career, and sanity just to avoid talking to me, your brawn, the one who is meant to protect you!" The tears had mostly stopped, she wiped her sleeve against her face. "I knew after Silvia I should have just quit."

"Silvia?" Braddon asked.

She looked up at his column suspiciously, eyes wide with surprise.

"Accessing." He said for her benefit while delving into his records. "Ah, Silvia 442, your previous partner. Recently deceased. Ooooh." He groaned, "That explains a few things." He looked back at her interactions over the past week and saw everything through a different lens. Her coldness, her withdrawn nature, could definitely be explained by grief.

"You didn't know?" Xanther's head fell to her knees, and she gave a similar groan. "Then why do you distrust me so!"

Another realisation dawned on Braddon, she didn't know! "What? I was sure they would have briefed you…"

"Briefed me on what?"

"My fragile mental state, issues with my previous brawn." It was still hard to speak her name aloud.

"Patrick?"

"No, that was always going to be a temporary assignment." Although there had been issues there as well...

"Oh, Pacifica? She was in my class, I heard she committed suicide. Why would that make you distrust me?"

Ooff. Her words had snagged on some tender memories that began to bubble to the surface. "It is not that I distrust you." he thought of Pacifica's floating lifeless body "It's just that well... " I just want to look into your eyes "um, I need a moment." He recited the mantra taught to him by Dr Rice. I am safe inside my shell. My access code is guarded. My sensors function, and my controls are intact. I am safe inside my shell. He cycled through his sensors, he flicked the door to the galley open and shut a few times, and was beginning to feel calmer, well, less panicked anyhow.

"What was that?" Xanther said looking down the hall towards the door he had been 'picking' at.

"Just a nervous habit, sorry, please listen. Before Pacifica…" He was shocked momentarily to have heard himself speak her name. "Um, well anyway, what you heard was true, however before that I was the subject of her fixation, she removed me from my column and opened up my shell. She took one look at me, and then took her own life."

Xanther had frozen, eyes fixated on a point on the floor. Hands gripping the underside of her chair as her knuckles went white. Wait, why am I telling her this? I have decided to ditch her at the next station right? Did she twist my words somehow? No, that wasn't it, I'm just so tired of hiding all the time. He decided to continue.

"We used to fix satellites together, she was about your size… I promise, it is not that I distrust you, just rather that you… can bring back painful memories."

"Braddon, I had no idea." Xanther had started to tremble slightly.

"Yeah." Was all he could manage to say. Thoughts of Pacifica still threatened to draw him in.

"Your extended leave..." So she at least had read his records. "I thought it must have been grief counselling. I knew that was why I had been assigned to you, especially after I saw the nature of that contract… I guess, I didn't like the idea of being used as some sort of therapy tool, and then discarded when you were ready to move on." They sat in silence for a moment.

"Shit." Xanther exclaimed suddenly. "That shit eating shit head!" She stood up and started pacing, gesturing wildly. "She was meant to protect you! We are conditioned to protect! And then she just? That little shit. Never liked her cocky face!" Xanther paused for a moment, realising Braddon had gone quiet.

"Braddon, you ok?"

Was he? Thoughts stampeded through his head. "Sometimes I despise my perfect recall."

Xanther looked up at his column, concern clearly showing on her face.

"Maybe it was too soon," Braddon continued dryly, "Maybe I am not ready to return to active duty."

"Braddon, no, it is my fault, I was so focused on my own assumptions, my own issues. My actions have been less than kind."

"Maybe I can never be whole again…" The void beckoned.

"If they believed that," she gestured to the tight beam, "you wouldn't be out here right now."

He sighed. "I suppose you're right." But he wasn't fully convinced. CenCom were probably more concerned with giving him an opportunity to pay off his massive debt.

"Braddon, if we are going to work together, live together, rather than just tolerate each other, I think we need to be more honest and open. Thank you, for being open with me." She leaned on the control console. At least she wasn't pacing any more, it had been making him uncomfortable. It felt lighter somehow, now that she knew.

"It is like this weird battle has been raging inside me where I want to talk about it, but I also don't want anyone to see how broken I am."

"You aren't broken, well, no more than anyone else. Everyone has their own baggage."

She looked tired. He had interrupted her sleep schedule, and burdened her with his woeful life story. "Um, maybe you should get some rest?" He offered.

She lifted her head to face his column, and then lifted a hand to rub her now closed eyelids, "Yeah, maybe that is a good idea. You going to be ok?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm feeling much more rested at least."

"Alright." She said, but continued standing there for a moment. "You can always wake me, ok?"

"Likewise."

She smiled weakly before wandering off to her quarters.

There was something else Braddon knew he needed to do, but he wasn't looking forward to it. He couldn't put it off any longer, putting it off is partly what had gotten him into this mess. As the tightbeam warmed up he took one last look at the list of unfamiliar names before sighing and dialing Dr. Rice. She wasn't the one who answered, but he was able to book an appointment. She better not chew me out too much...

An hour later he got a blip from Xanther's quarters. "Permission to enter?"

"Granted." The room was dim, and she was sprawled out on her bed, on her back half under the covers.

"I thought you were meant to be sleeping?"

"Can't sleep."

"Do you need me to approve some medications?" He said sarcastically.

She smiled slightly, then sighed. "I kept thinking about what you told me, and how you opened up to me, but, well I barely told you anything."

"I'm sorry, it was a lot to take in, I should have waited for a better time…"

She interrupted him. "No, Braddon, I'm really glad that you chose to trust me." She let out a long sigh as she continued to gaze up at the low ceiling.

"Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?"

She snorted at that. "No thanks, but is it ok if I tell you about Silvia?"

"Sure." It was his turn to listen, that seemed only fair.

"I was warned against discussing this with you, you are so young."

"You are not much older." Braddon was barely pushing 18, Xanther was almost 26. Softies took a bit longer to complete their formal education. Xanther sat up on the edge of the bed as she started to tell her tale.

"Sylvia was a 400 series, very old, very wise. She reached payoff centuries ago, but always re-contracted with central worlds. She wasn't sure what else to do. She must have had at least 20 brawn partners in her 600 years of service. I was honoured to be chosen by her, and at first it went really well. She had so many stories to tell. But, I said something horribly insensitive. We were watching a political debate, one of the candidates was saying some terribly offensive things. Dated, old fashioned things, so what did I say? I wish he would just retire, and let the next generation step up!" She fell backwards onto her bunk. "Sylvia politely agreed with me! It wasn't until later that I realised how it must have sounded, but by then, well it felt like it was too late to apologise." He didn't know if he should be saying anything, reassuring her, or just letting her talk and finish uninterrupted. She continued, sitting up once more. "After that, well, she started to feel a little distant. Her tales were shorter, less embellished. Everyone needs a bit of personal space, I didn't want to intrude, and I didn't know her well enough to know if this was normal. We were on a vaccination run and Parsaea was the last stop. It would have been slightly more efficient to have done them in a different order, but I trusted her guidance. I didn't know this at the time, but Parsaea is where one of her first Brawns, Tom Burgess, died in the line of active duty. When we landed the medics came to offload the vaccines. She insisted that I go with them to the facility to ensure that they were not mishandled. It was an unusual request, but one of the personnel sent did seem a little clumsy. After we were out of range of her thrusters, she just took off. Didn't request clearance or anything, just woosh." Xanther gestured with her hands, shooting up towards the ceiling. The implant's range is limited, so I raced to the comms tower. They didn't have any ships available that were fast enough to catch her, she headed straight towards the sun." Now he understood why she had been cautioned not to discuss this with him. "We hailed her over, and over, and finally she sent a brief message. 'Xanther, I'm sorry. I have lived a good and long life, but now I am ready to move on. This is not a decision I have made lightly, but it is a decision that I made alone. I wish to choose the ending to my story.'" Xanther's shoulders slouched, and she closed her eyes.

Braddon was conflicted. His conditioning made the thought of ending his own life when he was still capable and of sound mind repulsive, but logically he knew all stories must eventually end. He said what he thought she needed to hear. "No one is made to live forever, it is not your fault."

"I know! Really, I do. I just, I just hated that she had to do that alone, that she had no one that she could talk to, if she had truly wanted to die, well, I wish I could have been there for her."

This was not the response he was expecting. "Wait, so you don't feel guilty for her death?"

"What? Well, maybe a little. Some days more than others. The last 20 brawns were worth living for, so why was I different? What did she see in me that made her think, nope, this is enough? Maybe she had been thinking about it for decades, maybe it was just a bad week. I don't know, and I'll never know, because she didn't feel like she could talk to anyone about it!"

"If she had discussed her intentions with you, you could have been charged with murder."

"Oh, I know why she didn't, but that doesn't make it any better. It's not right, that she had to die alone."

"Everyone dies alone."

"I guess so."

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"Sorry, I know it's a lot." He recognised his own words from earlier.

"No, thank you, really, for your honesty." A small grin stretched across her face. "Since we are being honest, I have a question that I have been dying to ask!" Opps, he just said dying, was that too soon?

She chuckled, "Fire away!"

"Why is your hair pink?!"

She laughed as she reached up to touch her hair. "I'd almost forgotten. You know, you are the first person to ask me that? It is silly but, I guess I wanted to see what they would let me get away with. I was sick of everyone back at the brawn barracks walking on eggshells around me, so, I did this. The looks on their faces were priceless! I only did the ends, in case they made me cut it off, but damn, no one said a thing!"

The next morning Xanther was eating her usual grey glop that was the food processor's attempt at 'porridge' in the main cabin. For the first time since her boarding the obligatory 'Good morning' exchange had felt, well, nice, and not just some chore to tick off a list.

"Braddon, you know you never have to worry about me fixating on you right?" Xanther said through a half full mouth of glop.

"Yeah, I know, it was a one in a million freak incident." While it felt good to have his past out in the open, it was still not something he was keen on discussing in depth.

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh?"

"Well, you're not exactly my type." She fiddled with her spoon.

Despite this being exactly what he wanted to hear, he couldn't help but be a little offended.

"You barely know me!" He teased.

"Don't take it personally, I don't really have a type."

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"I'm asexual. I'm never going to want access to your body ok?"

Braddon had heard of asexuality, but this was the first time someone had told him they were asexual. "Huh. Interesting."

"I thought you would understand, since, you know."

"No, actually I don't."

"I just meant, um from what I have heard, well, sex is usually a pretty low priority for shell people right?" Her face was starting to match her hair, she was getting flustered.

"Physical ability has nothing to do with desire." Braddon added coldly.

"Oh Decom, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean!" She was waving her arms in apology. Flecks of porridge flying off the spoon.

"I've had sex before." He said coyly. Her face went even brighter. He was enjoying watching her squirm a little. Serves her right, jumping to assumptions like that.

"Please, tell me it wasn't with Pacifica?" Xanther had regained some composure and was looking up at his camera.

"Oh hell no!" The thought repulsed him, but he could see why she could have jumped to that conclusion. Xanther let out a sigh of relief and went back to eating her muck.

"What, no follow up questions?"

"Look, Braddon, as long as it was consensual, I really don't want to know."

The next week went by much smoother, now the thick layer of ice had been broken, the river of conversation flowed freely. He had helped Xanther clear a diagonal path in the cargo bay where she had introduced him to one of her hobbies; half-G gymnastics. He lowered the gravity and watched her run, jump, flip, twist, tumble and balance along the thin path. He kept expecting her to collide with the precariously stacked crates along either side, but she demonstrated a high level of control. A couple of times she messed up the landing or bumped into the ceiling, blaming it on a lack of practice, but the low gravity helped to minimise any possible damage.

Braddon had a few catch up sessions with Dr. Rice, she hadn't been angry, or even disappointed. She admitted she had been worried about him, enough so that she had got in touch with others on the list, which had made her worry more. She helped him to develop some strategies for better sleep hygiene, as well as put together an action plan for when things were not going well. Having Xanther to talk to had helped significantly, but there were still nights where sleep was challenging.

He also told her about Cindy, and how he had ruined their friendship. With Dr. Rice's guidance he realised that Cindy probably hadn't been ignoring him, but rather trying to give him some space. His brain had been lying to him a lot lately, he had forgotten how useful it was to have an outside perspective that could help see through the deceptions. That evening he recorded a message and sent it off to Saffron. A mix of an apology and life update.

After 3 more satellites they called into port for a resupply. The resupply where Braddon had initially planned to ditch Xanther. Well, a lot has changed since then. Braddon was surprised to find that mail was waiting for him. A large crate that had originated from Saffron was levitated aboard his airlock by two dock hands.

"Can I help open it, please?" Xanther begged while examining the smooth exterior and magnetic locks that were obviously designed to be used more than once.

"Sure." He said, just as eager to see what was inside. The lid popped open with a hiss and he saw the smooth curved composite fibre body, three dangerously sharp jet black rotors, twin aimable manoeuvring jets, and the shiny lens of what was obviously a pretty fancy camera. "No… Way!" Sitting next to the drone was a datahedron which Xanther was eventually persuaded to drop into a reader, after a good minute of "Oooh, ahhh, shiny!"

The hedron contained a manual for how to fly the thing, the control codes, and other technical data, as well as a message from Cinders.

"Remember that prototype drone I lent you a while back? That flimsy piece of garbage that broke almost straight away? Well, the project kind of got shelved when you went missing… It was just too hard to look at it. Sorry I was so distant during your visit, I was spending a lot of time trying to get this beauty finished, but in the end I wasn't able to complete it before you left. Overambitious as always. Anyway, I hope you don't mind that it's late, I know it is nowhere near your birthday, so this can be a 'I'm glad you're back in my life!' present. I was only missing from your timeline for a few minutes, so I don't expect anything back in return. Stay safe out there, I don't want to lose you again."

Braddon's heart was full, melting with her kindness. The thought that he had somehow ruined their friendship, now seemed so ridiculous, but he had believed it wholeheartedly. He wondered what he could do to thank her. Maybe I could send her some photos? Selfies of myself floating in the big beautiful abyss. Aaaahh, I can't wait to try it out! For a moment he felt the spark, the spark that had been missing. The desire to create something, to do something simply for the fun of it. He caught a glimpse of his future, one where he explored space with Xanther, one where he shared photos with Cinders, one where just maybe, he could be happy?