a/n: short and (not so) sweet chapter to maybe get rick and kate back on track. hope you're enjoying so far!

Thanksgiving, Kate's Apartment

Why is she like this? Every time, every freaking time, she finds something or someone who makes her happy, she has to ruin it. This time with Rick, though, was her worst self-sabotage to date. She was falling in love with him, maybe even in love with him, but one tiny inconvenience happens and it's her excuse to run. Kate had told herself that he was the one in the wrong, to make it easier to let him go, but truthfully, it was her toxic holding pattern that was wrong. It was like a shark smelling blood in the water, pouncing on the most minuscule slight to ruin something incredible. It was so unfair, that she was like this, to herself for denying her own happiness, but especially to Rick.

He had respected her wishes and made himself scarce in class last week. If she hadn't been actively seeking him out in the lecture hall, she wouldn't have even have known that he was sitting silently in the last row, sneaking in just as the lecture began and sneaking out just as it ended. He hadn't texted, not even with a silly meme he came across that reminded him of an inside joke. He hadn't wished her a good morning or a good night. No pictures or videos of Alexis doing something adorable. Radio silence, just as she wanted.

Hah.

What a joke. To actively seek more and more ways to remove happiness from her life and from the lives of those she loved most. But that was her; Kate Beckett, the Masochist Queen. She knew Rick was torturing himself, too, for screwing up so badly, when really, she was the one overreacting to protect her heart.

What was she even protecting it from at this point? She had no clue. But here she was. Alone on Thanksgiving. After once again protecting herself from minor inconvenience. After once again protecting herself from her own happiness. After once again protecting herself from maybe the greatest romantic love she'd ever received.

She willed herself off the couch for the first time in hours when her phone vibrates with a text notification. Hoping desperately that Rick had finally broken the silence, she taps the screen only to see that it was Lanie instead. Her best friend had flown to Louisiana for the week to be with her family, but she'd been checking in on Kate several times a day. Though she assured Lanie she was fine, she was grateful for the messages. It was a reminder that she hadn't completely screwed up every meaningful relationship she had. At least not yet.

Then, Kate thought about her dad. She hadn't really been the one who lit the fuse on that dynamic, but she certainly could've handled that better, too, she thought. As she debated calling her dad, her last conversation with him popped into her head. Early morning last week at Rick's. He had missed her birthday by a few hours, but she didn't mind. He told her about his fishing group and the chatty guy that scared away all the fish. And then he told her to do things for her own happiness.

Oof.

Doing great on that one, aren't we, Kate? She chuckles out loud at how sad it all was. She really burned it all down for no good reason. But, maybe, just maybe, it hadn't all burned down. Maybe, it was salvageable.

She rummages through the kitchen drawers until she finds what she needs and gets to work.

Thanksgiving, Castle's Loft

He still hadn't quite accepted it, but he knew she didn't want to hear from him. So, he resisted. Every morning and night, every time something reminded him of her, every time Alexis did something cute (which was very often), he resisted. He didn't send the text, he stayed as far from her as he could. He honored her request to be left alone.

What had he done so wrong?

Was a silly mistake like setting the wrong alarm really worth such barbaric torture? Was it really worth ending things before they even had a chance? He didn't think so, of course, but it wasn't that which he was truly being punished for.

Kate didn't even know the truth, so he asks himself again.

What had he done so wrong?

He knew the real answer. He'd lied to her. He'd been lying to her all semester, and now the lies had finally caught up to him. He deserved this, he told himself. He deserved to be shut out, ignored by her. He'd deserve it if he never saw her again. But that wouldn't be fair to her, either. They had a class together, and in the end he knew she cared too much about her studies to let the likes of him stand in her way, no matter how painful it was to see him. He was a monster, a good for nothing, selfish fool.

He didn't usually let himself travel down this path, the path of his perceived hard truth. But he had fallen in love with Kate Beckett from the moment he'd first seen her, so he weaseled his way into her life and used her.

She was disgusted by his horrible tardiness, but if she only knew...yeah, he didn't blame her for breaking up with him. He just wished it was because she knew the truth, not because of something so fucking stupid. But, perhaps it was for the better. She was protecting her heart, anyway, so she must've just known that he was no good for her. Still, he missed her like crazy. As he sets the table for the feast that was fast approaching, he reminds himself of the invitation that was now dwindling. She should be here. With him, with his family. But she's not. And it's all his fault.

He jumps when the egg timer expires in the kitchen. It was time to baste the turkey once more. He opens the oven, puts on his mitts and pulls out the shelf for easy access to the bird. It was looking, and smelling, pretty dang scrumptious. Just under an hour, and he'd finally get a taste. As he closes the oven, he jumps again when the front doorbell buzzes.

That's odd. His mother never rang, she'd simply walk right in. But maybe her hands were full...

"Hi," Kate says as soon as Rick opens the door.

"Uh...hi," Rick responds in disbelief.

"Can...can I come in?" Kate asks. Rick wordlessly gestures and she walks through the door, her hands full with a dish that was honestly still pretty hot. She awkwardly stands in the living room with her arms extending the dish toward Rick. "Um, I made corn casserole."

"O-okay," Rick says. Grabbing the hot dish from her and putting it next to the other sides on the kitchen counter.

"Like, for Thanksgiving," Kate adds, just in case that wasn't clear.

"Right, I got that," Rick says.

"I know this isn't very fair of me, but I'd like to join you for dinner," Kate blurts out. "If you'd have me."

"Kate," Rick sighs.

"Rick, I screwed up. And I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. But I just, I just genuinely think I lack the ability to allow myself to be happy so I look for like the teeny, tiniest reasons to justify running. Like I do it all the time and I just...I don't know why," Kate says. "But I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ended things and I really, really, want to be with you. As long as I haven't burned you too badly to salvage."

Without a word, Rick swoops Kate into his chest and wraps her tightly, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"I missed you so much," he finally whispers. "Of course you can stay. I'd love it, if you stayed."

"Oh, thank god," Kate sighs in relief. "I missed you, too."

"But, uh," Rick hesitates. "Before you decide if you really want to stay, there's something I have to show you."