Mid-December, Bellevue Hospital

And that makes twelve. Twelve calls from Castle, twelve times she's ignored the only voice she wants to hear, the only person she wants to see.

That should mean something, shouldn't it? It should mean something that Rick has become that safe haven for her. As Kate ignores yet another phone call, she realizes that it's not exactly true that he's the only person she wants in this moment. Really, she wants her mom. She needs her mom. And that realization unlocks yet another emotion she can't let herself feel: rage.

She's angry. She's so fucking angry.

At herself for not doing more when her father called earlier that night.

At her father for...a lot of things. For drinking. For driving. For drinking and driving. For relapsing when he'd been doing so well. For becoming an alcoholic in the first place. For giving up, for not being there for her when she too was in the throes of grieving her dead mother.

At her mother for dying.

That one wasn't fair. None of it was fair, really. But here Kate was, at her father's bedside, trying really hard not to feel all of the feelings.

"Miss Beckett?"

Kate breaks out of her pity party trance and looks toward the door at who called out her name. "Uh, Kate."

"Kate," the doctor smiled. "I'm Doctor Carrigan. I took over your dad's case after he was admitted from the ER last night. I have a few things I'd like to discuss with you, if you could please join me in the hall?"

The woman was stern but kind, confident but warm, and Kate really appreciated it in such a cold, sterile place. She nods and gets up from her seat, the first time she's moved in a few hours.

"As you know from last night and this morning, your father has a concussion and a shoulder injury, but his intracranial pressure was monitored all night and remained stable. I am confident that his grogginess this morning is due to the pain medication and residual stress from the accident and I expect him to make a full recovery in that respect," says the doctor.

"That's...that's great," Kate says with a smile. She was preparing herself for more bad news so it was nice to be pleasantly surprised for once.

"Yes, it is," smiles Doctor Carrigan. "What I wanted to discuss with you before he wakes up was actually the cause of the accident."

"Yeah, he was...I'm pretty sure he was drunk," Kate cringes. "I'm so sorry. It's my...it was my fault."

"Yes, he was drunk, but unless you forced liquor down his throat and held a gun to his head as he got into the driver's seat, I hardly think this is your fault, Kate."

"It-" The phone in her pocket vibrates again, and she tries to ignore it again. "Sorry. Well, no, I didn't do that, but..."

"Look, Kate, I'm sorry if that sounded harsh. I just want to make it very clear that this was not your fault, okay?" says Doctor Carrigan. Kate nods. "Now, I saw on your dad's file that he recently completed a six week inpatient treatment program, is that correct?"

"Yes. He's been home almost two weeks," Kate tells her. "He hadn't had a single drink before last night since he's been home, though. I don't know why..."

"Alcoholism is a disease, an addiction that can sneak up on you, especially so early in recovery," assures the doctor. "But regardless, one of the tests we performed earlier indicated that your father has increased liver enzymes, which is a sign of liver disease. I will be thorough to rule out other causes, but a common cause of liver disease is from–

"Excessive alcohol consumption," Kate interrupts, thinking back to when she attempted to help Lanie study for her toxicology exam last semester. Before Doctor Carrigan can start her next sentence, Kate's phone vibrates again, and this time, she can't take it anymore. "Um, I'm really sorry. I need to take this. I know this sounds awful, but, can we finish this conversation in a few minutes?"

"Not awful at all. Of course, Kate," says Doctor Carrigan. "Just have a nurse page me when you're ready, okay?"

Kate nods as she finally hits the talk icon and puts the phone to your ear.

"Kate?" Rick says after Kate answers the phone but then doesn't say anything for several very long seconds.

"Hey, Rick," she gulps. Just hearing him say her name practically brings her to sobs. "I'm really sorry, for, for leaving."

"What about for ignoring my last thirteen phone calls?"

"Oh, you called? I must've missed it," Kate scoffs.

"Where are you, Kate?"

"Where do you think I am?"

"I meant what room is your dad in?"

"Rick, don't...don't come, okay?"

"Too late," Rick says. "You didn't really think I'd let you do this all by yourself, did you?"

"I didn't ask for your help," Kate sighs.

"Kate...don't shut me out again. I am here for you. You shouldn't do this on your own."

"Fine," Kate accepts. "3416. But just for today, okay? Just today."

"Just today," Rick repeats and then Kate hangs up.

She walks back to the nurses station to page Doctor Carrigan, who returns a few minutes later.

"Sorry, that was my...friend," Kate explains as she stands up to meet the doctor.

"Not a problem. I hope that means you have someone to talk to about this? It's hard to go through something like this on your own," says the doctor. "I believe we were discussing the state of your father's liver?" Kate nods. "Right, so, do you know how long your dad has been struggling with his drinking?"

"He started a few months after...um, maybe since March...almost two years. It didn't get to be...unmanageable until maybe 8 months ago though."

"Okay, so two years in March, that's when you first noticed?"

"He kind of had a breakdown after my mom died. He drank to cope when he felt too lonely or too sad at first. Then he started drinking to cope with waking up in the morning. That's when he went on his "leave of absence" from the firm, about 8 months ago."

"I'm really sorry, about your mom," says Doctor Carrigan. "And I'm really sorry about your dad, too."

"When I got him into that program, I really thought this was behind us. So stupid," Kate sighs.

"Relapse is part of recovery, Kate. It doesn't mean he's given up on getting better," the doctor assures her. "But given how much damage his liver has suffered these past two years, I'd like to get him back into another program to help him process this relapse so he doesn't spiral into another one."

"Another six weeks upstate?" Kate asks.

"There are a few upstate, but I have a colleague in Arizona who runs a great inpatient facility I'd like you to consider. It's actually the top ranked program in the country."

"If you're recommending it, I'm sure it's great. How soon could he start?"

"Well, he still need a few days of observation from his injuries here, but, I could put in a call to get him in as early as next week."

"He would miss Christmas?" Kate asks.

"He could, if that's what you two decide."

"Arizona's really far away," Kate states.

"It is," says the doctor. "But the program is very flexible with accommodating family visits as part of the recovery process, especially around the holidays."

"I wouldn't be able to...to visit him. I start my next semester at NYU at the end of January," Kate says. "I live here. We live here."

"You certainly wouldn't have to go with your father. It's just an option. Though, there is a month until you start classes again if you'd like to stay with him for a while."

"This is a lot to consider," Kate sighs. "Could you also give me a list of places in the northeast that you recommend so I can weigh the options?"

"Of course. I'll go get a list together if you'd like to go back in the room to visit with your dad."

Doctor Carrigan leaves and Kate stands in the doorway of her father's room as she looks on at the tattered man laying in the bed. He's shattered, bruised, and broken. He looks pathetic, helpless.

"Kate," Rick calls out softly from just down the hallway. He jogs his last few steps and pulls her into a hug. She doesn't hug him back, but the deep pressure of his embrace brings her the only bit of relief she's felt since she woke up this morning.

"Rick..." Kate gulps. "We need to talk."