Inspectious Foxxus

(For Cimar. Had some tough block on this one, but got it out in the end)

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"I'm not going to enjoy this," Nick said, huffing as he looked around.

"Come on, it's just a bunch of troublemaking kits," Judy stressed. "Easy job to round off the end of our patrol."

"Easy job, end of patrol, just a bunch of kits," Nick groaned. "Not gonna happen, false representation of the facts, and the route course of all of that. Where can I learn your powers of bare faced optimism, Carrots?"

"Nick," she asked, "is there a problem?"

He waved it off.

"Seriously," she began.

"Do you honestly believe that the parents of those little angels currently scratching up cars and tagging walls will just nod and say 'thank you Mr Cop for arresting my widdle dickums'?"

Her ears drooped. "Oh. Karens…"

He looked down at her for a second or two, thoughtfully. "That's nameist you know."

She chuckled a little, giving a look up to him. "Well, we're all a little nameist, aren't we?" she asked, pausing as she heard something off in the distance. Her ears turned around and she focussed in. "There they are," she said, "and maybe some of them have parents like mine, who'll give them a thwack on the ears for eat."

"Great," Nick said. "We hand them back to abusive parents."

The bunny turned back. "You know, that kind of thing was what I was worrying about when…"

"-Well, it's a little of column A, a little of column B, some of column C, poor kits from poor families trying to survive. That's where I come from!"

"Well," she said, giving a smirk. "Just imagine some of them are just like those bullies you knew. Makes it easier?"

A little grin grew across his muzzle as the pair headed off.

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"I SAID GIT OFF MI LAWN!"

A pair of chipmunks looked over at the old goat standing outside his front door, then at the lawn they were standing on, then at each other.

They chuckled.

They started digging.

"YOU VANDALS YOU! I'M GONNA CLIP YOU ROUND THE EARS AND SHAVE YER TAILS FOR THIS!"

Out he began hobbling, pushing forward with his walker frame. The chipmunks kept on digging, creating deeper and deeper holes. "Hey," one of them said, leaning over to whisper into the others ear. They both chuckled, then turned around, carrying on digging, two jets of muck thrown up behind him and into the goat.

"OOOH ARRRR YER ASKIN' FER IT NOW!" he warned, as he began aggressively zimmering towards them. The pair just kept laughing, only to pause as two large shadows were cast over them.

"I'm finding it easier now, Fluff," Nick said, cracking his knuckles. "Okay you two, we can do this the easy way or the…"

Off they raced.

"-Hard way," he grunted, taking off after them, only to realise they were going straight for the nearest tree. The cops leapt at them, trying to grab on before they got out of range, only to narrowly fail. Up they went, scrambling up through the lower branches and out onto the thinner upper limbs, well out of range of the two officers. There they turned, looking down and laughing, jeering, raspberry blowing and rubbing in their apparent victory, safely out of range of their pursuers.

And, as Nick grumble, well in range to jump to the next tree, then onto a roof, then out through the back gardens, along the fences, etcetera etcetera. "Ever taken a shortcut?" he asked, Judy taking a slight look at him. He glanced back down at her, sighing. "I said it was not gonna…" He broke off as the pair yipped, falling down in front of them. "-Happen."

He and Judy both sprung into action, pulling out their small mammal carriers and chucking in the troublesome, and now wet, individuals. As if to top it off, little drips of water were now falling down, leftovers from the water gun that had ambushed both of the miscreants.

"Rain's a comin'!" the goat announced, hoof turning and starting to march inside. "Time to git inside if I were you lot."

The fox and bunny pair watched as he shuffled back in, before turning to meet a new pair of paws run out to meet them. Or rather, unusually, boots. Strapping little things on the feet of a young vixen, dressed in navy blue trousers, a crop vest and yellow half jacket around her top and flowing purple hair on her head, part bunched into a messy pony tail at the back. In her paw she held up a red supersoaker, while around her neck was a collar, a homemade detective's badge hanging from it.

She froze, looking up wide eyed at Nick for a second, before snapping out of it and standing up straight, paw raised in a salute. "Criminals apprehended," she said, in her spanish accented voice. "Officers!"

Nick paused, looking down at her and her supersoaker, the pair of chipmunks currently sulking in their cage, then back at her, a smile growing on her face. -Only for Judy to butt in. "Excellent job, Junior Officer…"

"Fox!"

"…First name?"

"Carmelita!"

"Well," Judy said, "well done in helping us capture these particularly naughty vandals. Not going to lie, I thought the damage to this lawn was going to go unpunished."

"Not just that lawn," she said, the fox and bunny glancing at each other. Carmelita meanwhile brought out a notebook. "Thirteen lawns vandalised, twenty-four flowerbeds torn up, ten sweat shops shoplifting and one duck continually harassed."

"Duck?" Judy asked.

"A pet duck by the name of Donald," Carmelita said, pulling out a cheap carton camera, the type that still used film. "Evidence of all that, including the animal abuse, captured here," she said, feet clipping together and paw rising for a salute.

Nick smirked, taking it off of her and saluting back, only for a grunt to come from the cage. "You know this is why you don't have any friends," one of the chipmunks sneered.

"You have the right to remain silent, Chip," she sassed. "I advise you use it."

"Bu-urrrnnnn," the older fox commented, flashing a wink at the vixen. She nodded back, trying to look serious, but her wagging tail betraying just how much she was enjoying this.

It turned into a right Quillsling as he gave her her very own ZPD junior detective sticker and thanked her for her service. With that, they left, at least happy that this end of shift complication gave them a moment of happiness…

Before they didn't have to deal with a Karen.

They dealt with a Sandra instead.

Sandra's were like Karen's, but far, far worse.

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Funnily enough, it wasn't the last time they saw her.

Carmelita that was.

Though Nick noted how strange it was, given that they were patrolling in the same area she seemed to live in.

He also noted Judy's light punch to his side when he noted it.

Sometimes it was just bumping into each other and waving, other times they found her hanging about a 'crime' scene or reporting a case of bullying.

"So," Judy asked. "These bullies, where are they?"

"It's not about where they are," she said, diving under a plank of wood in a fence and into some woodland. "It's where they keep what they stole." She waved them over to a tree, the pair pausing as they saw a ladder leading up to a broken down squirrel tree house. Up they began climbing, making their way through a torn out wall and finding the cleared out interior decorated up as a crime scene lab, complete with all sorts of little equipment that Carmelita was rustling through.

"Sweet cheese," Judy exclaimed, smiling. "This is just like my old room."

"Why am I not surprised," Nick smirked, looking around. "Uh, Carm?"

"Si?"

"Given your interest in law, are…"

"-The superstructure was being dismounted from its original tree when new owners were replacing it, so I paid ten bucks for it. I paid an elephant ten bucks more to mount it up here. It's my grandmother's land, so I'm allowed to use it."

Nick looked on, nodding. "And…"

"Subset C of outbuildings in the planning regulations: Arboreal habitats. This falls within the limits for non-permissive developments as long as it isn't connected to the city plumbing or electricity network."

"So that explains the batteries," the fox said, looking down.

"Gracias," she smirked, before pulling out some photographs. They looked in, seeing a small goat crying, his horns hanging him from the chain link fence behind them. Then next photo came out, showing the bullies behind it all. A small raccoon dressed in a brown suit, face almost covered by his giant gangsta hat. He was busy counting the money, a vape stick puffing in his mouth, while a giant dim-witted looking wolf looked on. "Rocky and Muttsey," she narrated, her pictures showing them at various other instances, taking gadgets, toys and all sorts from other victims.

Finally, she brought out a map. "All their crimes take place within three blocks of this building here," she said, pointing out an old abandoned arcade.

She produced a new picture, showing the duo sneaking in.

Out came her red supersoaker, and the pair went off.

…

"Shhhhh…" she warned, leading the pair on.

Nick looked up at the shop's sign, eyes widening with glee. "Oh my god!"

"What?" Judy asked.

"It's Freddy Fazbears!"

…

"Come on," she sighed, leading her partner in.

"Fluff, I do not think you understand the magnitude of how important a cultural institution this is."

…

"You know I can still talk while you're using the manual vulpine guidance system, right?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Did you know I spent three birthdays in a row here? I do not regret that. I only regret not spending four, no five…"

"SHHHHHHHH…" Carmelita hushed, angrily.

"Okay," Nick whispered. "But once we're done, I'm going to spend some time geeking out at pirate cove, and there ain't nothing you can do to stop me."

So they went in, only to pause, Judy's ears up. "Something's wrong…"

"It's quiet," Carmelita said.

"Too quiet," Nick added, getting in a fist pump.

The young vixen began sniffing around. "Rocky and Muttsey are here, but there's been others." Off she went, tail up and nose down, Nick joining in as they sniffed around.

Judy meanwhile thought they heard something and, ears up, walked past the eating area and down a long corridor. She certainly heard it now, shivering and quivering.

"R-R-Rocky… They're coming this way."

"I see that Muttsey," came the nasally reply. "Now shut up."

"O-okay, I'll just stand here, ready to smash it in with this iron bar."

Judy's rolled her eyes as she got up to the door. "I can hear you two."

A slap came from inside. "Shut up -Muttsey!"

"I'm coming in," she huffed. "And you don't want to be caught assaulting a police officer."

"Wait, she's a cop? She ain't one of them?" Muttsey asked.

"Y-yes," Rocky said, sounding more relaxed. "Come in," he said, Judy entering. They were stuck in some kind of security room between two corridors, some old flickering screens in front of them.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"The th-th-things are out there," Muttsey said, pointing at the screens.

"What things?"

"A pair of loco's decided to dress up in the old suits and go around, spooking this big lug," Rocky spoke.

"Y-yeah, and cut us off from our loot too!"

Slap. "Shut up Muttsey."

"We're going to be talking about that when we get out," Judy said, pointing at them.

Rocky blinked, looking up at Muttsey. "Get her."

"Uh…" he began, reaching to grab an iron bar.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she said.

Rocky sneered at her. "Are you gonna let a cute…"

"DO NOT CALL ME CUTE!" she warned, the pair blinking back. Muttsey slowly raised his bar, but she gave him a death glare, making him lower it. "Good," she said, wondering if Nick had heard it.

"Uh-uh-Rocky?"

"Shut up, Muttsey," he warned.

"When did we last look at pirate cove?"

Rocky paused, everyone's eyes turning to face one of the screens. The pair began to quiver and panic, holding each other, while Judy looked up and facepawed at the sight of Nick, in just a ragged pair of trousers, eyepatch and paw hook, raced down the corridor.

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"You called us, right?"

It was the next day, Nick and Judy back in Carm's 'VCIS' as the todd had dubbed it. Judy was looking at Carm, the vixen nodding. "Si," she said, bringing out some newly developed photo's. "While we got that pair, we never recovered their loot."

"Might they have hidden it?" Nick asked.

"No," Judy said. "Someone came in, dressed up in the old suits, and scared them into a corner. They must have done it to take the loot."

"Which means we can't hand it back to who it originally belonged to," Carm said, frowning. "And I think I've worked out the species of those that did it." Out came a new photo, showing a break in the wooden floor. "Foot print."

"Yup, that's something large," Judy agreed.

"And recent," the vixen said, pointing inside.

The bunny blinked. "How do you know that?"

"The dust," Nick explained. "There's a cover of dust on the floor, but not in the space beneath the impact."

"So whoever did it did it not long ago," Carm said proudly.

"Yeah," Judy agreed. "But what could it be. It could be an adult equid, or a young elephant."

Carm's ears dipped a little, only to rise up again. "I know, but I have an ace up my sleeve." She brought out some new pictures, Judy smirking.

"Pad-prints!"

"Call it old fashioned," she smirked, "but it works." She pointed to two pictures. "Procyonid prints, but from two separate raccoons." The older cops looked in and nodded. The differences were clear.

"So, we just need to find a raccoon hanging out with a larger mammal, and we get him!" she announced.

"Right," Judy agreed. "Where do we start."

Her ears dipped. "I thought you would know that."

.

.

"Pleaaseee help me! I'm gonna literally die from a grounding if you don't!"

Carm kept herself professional as she followed the pig along. He'd come racing to her, crying about how a wolf had stolen his bike. Apparently, it was a hand-me down from his older sister, and his family expected to hoof it off to his younger sister when he grew out of it. "Money's so tight," he kept on sniffing. "They said they wouldn't even pay for me to decorate it, I was only able to take the basket off to de-girlify it, and I'd have to keep that in my room to put it back on. -They're gonna hate me for losing it!"

"Don't worry," she assured him, turning up to his house. "We'll get it back."

"Uh-hu," he said, pausing as they arrived at his house. Picking their way through some junk on the front lawn, the door opened, a thick set hog in a wifebeater looking out.

"Elliot," he huffed. "I asked you to find that bike, not a new playmate."

"Playmate!?" the pig asked, suddenly grasping the vixen's paw. "She's the one who stole my bike!"

"Que!?"

"Yeah!" he carried on, turning and jabbing at her. "She took it, and sold it off, and I had to drag her here to face justice!"

Carmelita blinked, before anger grew on her face. "You set me up you cerdo malvado! I came here to help you…"

"Yeah," the father pig huffed, marching up to her. "Gonna help him by buying him a new bike to replace the one you stole!"

She stepped back, muzzle beginning to quiver. They thought she… "You can't be serious!"

"I am," the father pig spoke, jabbing a finger down. "And if you don't pay up, I'll have to call the cops. I'm giving you an out, don't you know!? So unless you want to spend your summer in juvie, you're gonna replace the bike you took."

She closed her eyes, breathed in and then out. "Sir. Your son came to me asking for help in finding his stolen bike. I now see he wanted to set me up for the fall in an insurance fraud scam."

"Insurance," the older hog snorted. "Like we can afford that…"

"It's my word against his," Carm said. "We're both as likely to be right."

"But Daaadd…." The pig whined. "I'm your son. I'd never lie to you…"

He looked over at him and shrugged. "Well, can't argue with that." He turned back to Carmelita. "So, what's it gonna be. Pay up, or lock up?"

Taking a worried breath in, Carmelita began to work out what to say next, only for a bell ring to sound out. They all look over to the side, only to see a pink kiddie bike decorated with flowers sail through the air, landing slap bang next to the young pig.

The older hog blinked. "Look at that son! You're bike's back! It even has the basket back on."

The young pig walked up and tugged at the wicker thing, finding it glued in place. "Yeah," he said quietly. Cool…"

The older pig looked down. "Well, I guess no harm done, so…" He turned around, pausing as he saw that the vixen had gone. He shrugged. "Must be a fox thing."

It wasn't.

It was a Carmelita thing.

Normally she'd be grateful and running after whoever it was to thank them, but something was bugging her. The basket was reattached, the basket being kept in the pig's room, which meant someone was in there. At best, it was an older sibling breaking basic privacy etiquette. At worst…

She flattened her back against a fence and glanced around it, eyes widening as she saw the mammal who'd most likely thrown the bike. A hippo.

And coming down next to him was a raccoon!

Her ears folded down, Carm knew who these were, they were the ones who'd stolen the loot from Rocky and Muttsey. And now, they'd stolen a bunch of sweets and stuff from that pig, if what the raccoon had in his paws was any indication. "C'mon Sly," the hippo said, the raccoon jumping onto his back.

"Get going, Murray." With that, the pair began racing off on their bike, Carm racing after.

She was fit and a good runner, but against a bike…

She was soon panting for breath, having lost them in a park. Sitting down, squirting some water from her soaker into her mouth, she rested and thought. She knew their names. Sly and Murray, though the first one of those was certainly a fake name. Or maybe short for something, Sylvester perhaps?

Her thought chain was broken off though as she smelt something in the air and sprang into action, super soaker up and pointed right at that particular procyonid's face. Standing on the top of the slope above her, he flashed an irritating smile. "Is that how you treat all the kits who save you?"

She let a small growl escape her mouth. "It's how I treat criminals like you, thief."

"Thief?" he asked, smirking. He brought out a homemade cane, a hook on the end, and twirled it around before resting it on his shoulder. "I found an abandoned bike and returned it to its owner. I also save your lovely tail. You know, I think the only thing I stole there was your heart."

His smirk increased, as did Carmelita's growl. "You stole all that stuff from his room."

"Well, he was kind of a jerk."

"Like Rocky and Muttsey?"

"Oooh, you've heard of that," he said, smiling. "Yeah, I'm proud of that one."

"Proud of stealing…"

"Only from bullies, the ones who deserve it," he said.

"It is still stealing," she said, "and I will get you for this, Sylvester."

He blinked. "You know that's kind of a muzzle full. Call me Sly. Sly Cooper. Adios!"

And with that he took off, Carm racing on after him. She was already tired though, and climbing up the loose slope only slowed her down further. She had no chance, and was only able to stand at the top of the hill and shout out. "And I am Carmelita Montoya Fox! Do not forget my name! Do not forget me!"

"-I won't!" came a shout from the distance, making her growl some more.

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"Wooo, who's the boyfriend?"

Carmelita slammed down her papers and puckered up her muzzle, turning to glare at Nick. The older fox held his paws up, letting her turn back down. "Sly Cooper," she explained. "Leader of the Sly gang, a trio that goes around finding bullies and thieves, and steals from them."

"Okay," Nick began. "First off, that name rings a bell. Secondly, having suffered from bullies and thieves in the past, and being highly appreciative of anyone who'd have brought them down a peg, that's a problem how?"

"Two wrongs don't make a right, Slick," Judy reminded him.

"And they commonly steal stolen property," Carm carried on. "Just because someone else stole it doesn't make it okay. The rightful owner is still out of pocket. We need to find these mammals and bring them to justice!"

"Or…" Nick began, "have a little word with them. You know, 'we get that you think it's okay, but it really would be if you handed the stuff back to the original owners.'"

"Or they just like being thieves," Carm said, huffing. "Either way, we need to catch them."

"And they are?" Judy asked.

"Sly Cooper," she said, showing a picture of the raccoon, pickpocketing a bully demanding lunch money. "Murray," she carried on, showing the hippo running off with a go cart that a pair of sheep had used to ram-raid a lemonade stand. "And Bentley." She showed a picture of their pet turtle, fake glasses perched on his head. She then turned to a map of the neighbourhood. "I've plotted out their sightings by date, but they're spread out! I can't see any pattern."

The bunny-fox duo looked at it and began thinking. There were a few clusters here and there, either of which could be a hangout, but nothing conclusive. "Seems they don't like TundraTown," Nick said, noting the abject lack of anything there.

"Mustn't like the cold," Judy remarked, beginning to think.

"I do have one other thing though," Carm began. "A while ago, Sly stole from a cow gang called the Grazing Eighty-eights. Seeing him, they too began planning something against him. After catching one of them committing a mooing violation, I was able to negotiate for him to be a confidential informant. He provided me with a copy of their intel documents. She pulled them up and put them down by the window, turning back to Nick and Judy. "This could be our ace in the hole, fellow officers!"

She turned back to look at it, only it wasn't there. "Huh?"

She blinked, her head tilting at where it was, before she poked her head out of the open window. A brown and grey furred on immediately dropped down, kissed her on the lips, and took off.

Carm blinked, an at first hot blush sweeping through her, before being replaced by pure rage. "I WILL GET YOU COOPER!"

"Noooo you won't…" he called back, vanishing into the distance.

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"I got it!"

A few days had passed, and Carm was busy at work when Judy hopped back in, Nick following.

"You got it?" the vixen asked, as Judy went up to the wall.

"All these areas are roughly around subway stations or bus stops," Judy said, "but there's nothing in Tundra Town."

"So, they don't like the cold?" Carm asked.

"Of course they don't," the bunny said, brining out a print-off. "It's lethal for one of their members."

"The turtle!"

"Yup," Judy said, beginning to circle a set of points, reading off her print-out as she did so. "If he gets too cold, he needs to go to his terrarium, so on colder days they don't wander far. I printed off all the weather reports, from coldest day to hottest, and on those cold days all the points are focused around this one area!"

"Amazing! You're an even better cop than they say you are!"

"Why thank you," she said, as Nick looked further in, a grave look on his muzzle.

"And now I know why his name is familiar," he said. "Connor Cooper was a long suspected gentlemammal thief, who robbed the houses of crime lords and criminals. They'd never invite the cops around to look into it, just claiming on insurance. A few years ago though, someone had enough. They iced him and his wife and trashed the place, it was used in my ZPD training lessons as a case study." His ears went down. "There were a few toys and stuff there. This must be his son. Which means we can find him…" He pointed to a large building on the map, in the middle of a square bit of grass. "Happy Campers Orphanage."

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The trio were walking up to the big gothic building, Nick's ears in particular going down. "I suppose you might as well put it in the one building you don't want a mother in."

"Huh?" the other two asked.

"Nothing," he said. "Just don't go showering in it or anything."

"Huh?"

"Oh you known. My little boy would never harm a fly."

"What?"

"Okay, Carm has an excuse, but you don't Fluff."

"What?"

Rolling his eyes, Nick brought up his paw as if he were wielding a knife, and began making stabbing and slashing motions, curving down in front of him. "Dooo-dooo-dooo-dwwoooooo-dwwwoooo-dwooooooo…"

"…Jaws!?"

Nick facepawed. "Okay, first off, that's duhhh-duuh… duhhh-duh… Du-duh-du-duh…. Secondly, you are beyond hope."

Judy opened her mouth to speak, only to freeze as she heard something. She waved at them to hush and led them on. The foxes followed, soon hearing sobbing and going down, sneaking around the corner and peering in through one of the windows. In there were a small group of kits and pups, sitting at desks quietly, 'cones of shame' around their necks. A stern looking goat was marching back and forth at the front, a ruler stick held in his hoof.

The trio outside looked at each other and then moved on. Through the next window they a bunch of tired looking residents doing physical exercises, a tiger ordering them on. "Up-Down-Up-Down…"

One of the students fainted, the tiger marching over. "Think you can faint to get outta this, huh?" she yelled.

They moved to the next window, Nick squirming away with fear and disgust. A sheep nurse was tightening a hard muzzle onto the head of a sniffing coyote girl. A cardboard sign hung from her: 'I chew pencils and howl too much.'

Finally, the next window, and they looked in to see crying and sniffing residents faces lighting up, as they were given sweets or money… By Sly and Bentley.

And then Carm jumped in. "SLY COOPER!"

He stepped back, and put on his regular smirk. "Hey Carmelita. Can't get enough of my kisses can you?"

"No… -I mean, you're coming with me!" she said, grabbing his paw.

"Hey," Murray said, planting himself in front of her. "Where do you think you're taking him!"

"To talk to the cops outside and shut this place down, that's where," she said, as she dragged him out of the window and down next to Nick and Judy. He stood up, looking at them, waving a little paw in the air, while Carm glared at him. "You are gonna serve real justice here, and don't think you can get out of it, Ringtail."

"Ringtail," he said, smirking. "I like that name."

"-And you're going to get used to it whether you like it or not! Vamos!"

Inside, Murray looked out at the pair before slowly bringing up a small pet turtle. "You know how the staff all said that Sly would end up with a ball and chain?" They looked back out again. "Gotta say Pal, they wern't wrong."

The turtle looked out and nodded, as off they went.