Pundamental misunderstandings

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(For Mr Shooter)

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Note: Mr Shooter gave a small but interesting idea for my brief. The trouble was, it was so small, he was able to give a little example that perfectly contained and used the joke in question. Consequently, I chose to try and add more jokes like the first joke. Hopefully all will be good. Enjoy silliness.

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"So," Nick said, looking up at his and Judy's new rookie. "You're from Buffalo!"

"Yee-up," he said from the back.

"And you're a…"

"Buffalo," he agreed, nodding his head. "I'm a Buffalo buffalo."

"Well, I'm a bunny from Bunnyburrow," Judy said. "So, I can guess we can share his teasing."

He nodded along. "Heh, cool. Any deer from Deerbrooke around here too?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Yet," Nick said, in a devious tone.

Judy just looked back to the mammal in the back. "You can ignore him."

"No he can't."

"So I guess you chose to come and enjoy the Big-Z city life then," Judy carried on.

"Yeeeeaahhh," he said, sounding not too convinced. "Honestly, I just wanted to get out of that town. Had some real bad memories there."

"Oh," Judy said. "I'm sorry."

"No reason to be, you weren't the ones who buffaloed me."

The bunny blinked. "Buffaloed?"

"It's another way of saying bullying," he waved off. "Or intimidate, I guess. We just used it a lot for that. So the pack of other buffalo who cornered me, demanding my lunch money. Well, they all ganged up to buffalo me." He let out a long breath.

"Ouch, yeah," Nick said, looking back. "From your own species too." His ears lowered. "I'm sorry."

"As I said, don't be," he hoofed off.

The sound of the radio coming in cut them off. "Units we have an erratic driver heading for third and west over."

Nick reached forward and slammed the receiver on. "Ten-four, on our way." He then looked to Judy. "We have to block that road, it's a real rat race. A drunk driver going through there would cause chaos."

Judy just nodded and put her foot down, speeding them towards their destination.

And, in just a few minutes, they found their car and signalled him to pull over. Thankfully he did, just before they reached the road in question. Nick and the rookie jumped out to talk to the driver, while Judy leapt out, pausing as she looked down the, to her surprise, fenced off street.

"Three, two, one…" A tiny shot fired, as a dozen rats in running gear began jogging down the road, to the cheers of an assembled crowd. Judy blinked and looked at them, then over at Nick.

"I said it was a real rat race Fluff. What did you expect?"

Judy just waved it off, before pausing as she turned to the rookie, and the mammals getting out. It was a pair of buffalo, who were shouting and trying to intimidate their guy. Her ears up, she listened in, and her eyes widened. "I think they're our guys childhood bully.

Nick nodded. "The Buffalo buffalo that used to buffalo our Buffalo buffalo."

And then their new partner narrowed his eyes, huffed, and began reading the slightly tipsy former bullies of his the riot act. The pair now shaking in the hoofs, Nick and Judy both observed a Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."

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"Got two drink drivers for the drunk tank," Nick announced, coming back in.

Clawhauser nodded, waving McHorn to help their Buffalo buffalo buffalo the other two Buffalo buffalo into the holding pens. "Ooooh," he added, "We've had a few mammals in upgrading stuff, and some jobs have come in. I wrote it down for you two on these notes."

"Thank you," Nick said, taking the two scraps of paper and sharing them between him and Judy.

"Oh, by the way," she added, "I downloaded that board game app you suggested."

His eyes went wide. "Oh goodie! We can play in our breaks, it'll be so much fun!"

She waved him off, as up to their offices they went. Nick immediately opened up his computer, seeing as his note just said it had been through a system wipe and clean to improve the performance.

Judy though paused, seeing her note. 'New computer mouse.'

Looking down, she saw the same old oversized one she'd always had, and always asked for a replacement for. Shaking her head, she went to her computer and turned it on.

Nothing happened.

Frowning, she turned it on again.

Nothing happened.

Taking a step back, she looked down, pausing as she saw that the PC unit had been unplugged. Dropping down, she pushed it back in, then gave a jump up to her chair, jump up onto the table, and pressed the on button.

The lights went on.

The fan started.

And the whole thing let out a zap and shook, Judy jumping up as a yell came out. Before she could even react, a tiny doorway in the back of the unit swung open and a frazzled mouse leap out, beginning to scream at a now over apologising Judy.

Nick kept out of it, instead just making sure he had access to all his all files. He couldn't really see any large difference in performance, but that was dumb IT stuff for you. He just went online on the dumb default browser, and opened up the site to download his own preferred one.

A quick press, and he brought up his set of notes and began scrolling through it, only to freeze.

Suddenly he zoomed back to his PC and began rapidly clicking.

"Nick?" Judy asked.

"They put in a dumb totally stupid rule where downloading your own software is a valid case for termination! I've got to stop installing Fire Fox means fire Fox!"

His clicking increased, as the mouse from Judy's desk looked up to him and sniggered. "You're a fired up fox already."

"Not helping!" he said, before finally relaxing, sweeping his brow. "Phew."

"Well," he said, looking back up to Judy. "I had got my job all done when you so rudely interrupted me."

Judy cringed a little. "Sorry."

"Urgh," he muttered, "not the worst I've been in." He began walking off. "You're a little mouse, they said," he moaned. "You'll be perfect for IT, they said." There was a click from a nearby PC as a different mouse walked out.

"Don't worry about Dan," he said. "He believed he'd be going from highschool straight to building and testing brand new 'high tech' stuff. Thermal sink de-dusting, inspecting and repairing solder, thermal paste topping up, patching up wire insulation and micro-repairs aren't good enough for him."

"Right," Judy said, looking on as he scurried off afterwards, only for Dan to cut in.

"Well the ones getting to test that stuff are right out of highschool too! They split it by species, not seniority. I could be testing all that crazy stuff just like them!"

"You do realise that's the worst work?" the other mouse said. "Have you seen the injury rates? They throw those guys at whatever mad thing they make. Our union literally fought so we didn't have to be lab mice anymore!"

"Yeah, not without asking me they did," Dan huffed. "I'd leave, but they made this stupid job a closed shop."

"Right, don't want to be in the union," he moaned. "Don't want to be a computer mouse."

"That's the point! I want to be a Guinea pig dammit!"

They carried on bickering as they walked off.

"Okay," Nick said, shaking his head. "Crisis averted, I've now got to…" he checked his pad. "Interview a kangaroo rat."

Judy nodded. "And I've got to interview a ground hog."

They both walked to the interrogation rooms. Judy got to hers first, only to pause as she saw a massive pig, clutching a pile of dirt, complete with grass on top. "It's mine! Mine! All mine, mine, mine!"

Meanwhile Nick was in his interview room, pausing as he looked up at a massive red kangaroo, all too eager to talk. "So yeah, Bruce did a bunch of undeclared business, no taxes paid. He also has a nip stash under his sink. And Henry steals and resells bikes. And Cody also has a nip stash, while Lucy likes to hack companies for the fun of it, and Dylan is cheating on Alice by sleeping with Mark…"

Soon, both Nick and Judy were set back down at their desks, lunch eaten and relaxing a bit on their break. Nick was having a good time, Judy less so.

She was playing on her new board game app, in this case battleships against Clawhauser.

"ARGHHHH!" she groaned. "How's he doing this?"

"Sunk your battleship?" Nick asked.

"Yes. And my destroyers! And my aircraft carrier. -AND NOW HE FOUND MY SUBMARINE!"

"Wow, sore loser," Nick noted.

Judy looked up, nose twitching. "He's finding each one. He's had two missed shots. That's it, it's as if he can see where each of my things is."

"Hmmmm," Nick said, scratching his chin. He leant back in his chair, only to pause. "Fluff, did you know there's a mirror above your chair?"

Judy paused, looking up, and saw just that. Glued to the ceiling tile, a small mirror, and through its reflection she could see a few rows of desks part way across the room. And, hiding between them, a certain portly big cat, looking more like a deer caught in the headlights. Both Nick and Judy stood up as they watched him bolt out of the room on all fours.

With that, they turned to each other and Judy grumbled. "He really is a big cheater!"

"I thought that was obvious from the start," Nick said, turning back to his notes. "Anyway, is there anything else for today."

"Don't think so," Judy said, scrolling through her notes. "Just something about Boartan Anti-Virus."

Nick's eyes widened and his face collapsed into his paws. "And they said they were doing this to speed our computers up! Urgghhh, this is gonna suck."

"So we're told," a voice spoke from nearby. They both turned to see a large boar dressed head to toe in a hazmat suit. He then brought up a fumigator wand and clouded them both. A round of coughs and hacking came out, before he stopped and moved on.

The dust slowly cleared, an irritated looking fox and bunny left in place.

Judy turned to her list and scanned through. "Final assignment. Deal with some ram raiders."

Groaning, Nick took off with her. "Let's just hope these guys are sheepish."

A few moments later, a bunch of yells were screamed, a war bleat rang out, and Nick and Judy were racing off the other way. "THEY WERE NOT!"