Like Bunny, Like Fox.
.
AN: So an otherwise welcome historical rediscovery has put a nail in a fun little joke/reference I included in this story. So any of you wanting to comment on it, yeah, I know. It's still fun though and I have no qualms about making that joke again in the future.
Anyway, with everyone now sufficiently confused, on with the show!
.
Every morning at Seven-fifteen, Judy Hopps would rap on the wooden door to Nick's apartment five times.
The routine carried on for four months, until a massive change rocked it at the most profound level.
She managed four knocks before the fox opened up, stepping out.
Together they'd then walk together to the precinct, every Tuesday doing the donut run along the way. The fox would carry the glazed goods, Judy hopping up the steps while chatting about something and then backing into the main door, pushing it open behind her to let the fox in.
The other times, he'd lead, pushing it out with his paw.
They would always arrive in the bull pen five minutes before Bogo's arrival. Both would sit down on the same chair, Nick to Judy's left with a relaxed look on his face and arms hanging down, while she, to his right, would knit her fingers together and hold her arms straight, resting her elbows on the table.
Of course, the moment Chief Bogo was due to enter, she'd stop looking at him and together, pounding their fists on the table, herald the coming of the big buffalo.
Cases would be handed out, Judy bouncing up and down a little on her chair while Nick thought up and deployed the first release of snark for the day.
And then, whatever the day might bring, they'd do it…
Nick always laid back and spinning the odd joke here and there, while Judy took the lead ever eager.
And, after the day was done, they'd return back, put things down, hang out with the crew and call it a night.
And the next (work) day it would repeat.
Ad-infinitum.
Over and over.
.
"I bet you a dollar," Wolford said, looking over at Fangmeyer next to him.
"What?" the tiger asked.
Finishing his drink, the wolf gave her an annoyed look. "I said, I'll bet you a dollar it ain't."
"On what?"
He paused, looking at her. "You know! 'Wait until the Bun comes back with the food. It ain't the fox, Grizz…"
He got blank looks, the tiger sighing. "That's the most nonsensical thing I've heard from you since Thursday."
Wolford groaned, putting his glass down. "You said 'or you can wait until Judy comes back with the grub, right?'" He gestured at her, and then to Grizzoli, whose comment about having a really funny joke sparked the whole thing off. "And he said, 'but I want to tell it now, not wait for Nick to come back with the food.' And then you said 'you mean Judy', you then said 'No, Nick.'"
"Yeah, I did," the bear spoke up. "They went together to get food and drink, and it's not like the bunny who's going to get a whole load of pred food and carry it over."
"Do you know which bunny you're talking about?" Fangmeyer asked. "It's not like she'll care. Anyway, Judy said she'd get the food, Nick just asked if anyone wanted more drinks. Which is why I said…"
"The fox isn't bringing the food Grizz, it's the Bun," Fangmeyer and Wolford finished off together, the former turning to stink eye the latter.
"And then I said I'll bet you a dollar it ain't," the wolf said, "and you said 'On what?' and…"
"Enough," the tiger sighed, groaning. She put a paw into her purse and brought out ten. "Just to punish your stupidity."
"Oh," he smirked. "It is on now." He pulled out his ten and then pulled out a fifty. "And I bet this that Nick will have carried some of the shrimp and gobbled some down before."
She looked at him, eyes narrowing. "I'm not dumb enough to dig into a rigged game."
"It ain't rigged!" the wolf protested, as Grizzoli planted down a hundred dollar bill.
"One Benji," he said, taking the fifty dollars back. "I'm in."
"You're stupid," the tiger spoke, crossing her paws.
"Naaahhh, remember when I wanted to make it very clear that I had warned you two about the sloth party crossing Pangolina between fifteenth and seventeenth? I looked through his text scroll then and what do you know, I did! He just didn't tell you."
"I hadn't read it yet," the wolf groaned. "I was driving. I'd have to fine myself."
"Your faith in me never ceases to let me down," the tiger said, as the wolf and bear carried on between them.
"Anyway," the bear said. "In that I saw that there were no recent texts to Nick and Judy."
"How do you know they didn't use a burner phone?" the tiger asked.
The bear and wolf groaned at that. "Seriously," Grizzoli asked. "Stereotyping? Aren't you supposed to be the mature professional one?"
"I'm the one to know that something has to be up for this guy here," she said, jabbing a finger right down on the crown of her partner, "to lay fifty dollars on something that random."
Wolford smiled. "You're thinking it's merely random?" he asked.
"No I think it's a fix. You wouldn't go into this without something up my sleeve, or this guy here," she said, pointing at the thylacine on the front of the hundred-dollar bill, "and I are cousins."
"It's not a fix, it's not random," Wolford said, pausing to turn and letting his grin grow wide. "And I am up sixty big ones!"
"Looks like something fun went on here," Nick smirked, dropping the tray of hot greasy food down on the table.
"You couldn't have waited for us to get back?" Judy asked, handing over the drinks.
"Nope," Wolford grinned, snapping up the ten-dollar bills and going for the hundred.
"-Wait a sec, Nick wasn't eating any of the shrimp," Grizzoli said, Nick and Judy glancing at each other. "So I still get mine."
"Hang on," Wolford said, grabbing a spare fork and ferreting around in the respective basket. "Ten, eleven… Ha! It's a dozen shrimp, one missing! Right, down, him."
He pointed at Nick, the fox shrugging. "It's a fair cop."
The bear cursed, before shaking his head. "Hang on, you said he'd be gobbling down shrimp when he came here. Not…"
"Oh come on," Wolford groaned. "Don't be a pedant, gimme my money." They tugged at it, only for Fangmeyer to come in and rap the wolf's paw to make him let go. "Hey!"
"Yes, you were right. But you're also a cheat…"
"I didn't cheat. Ask them!"
"Ask us what?" Judy said, crossing her paws.
"This guy here," Fangmeyer said, pointing at Wolford. "Made a bet that even though I asked you to get the food, Nick would be carrying it. And then an even bigger one that he would have scarfed one of the shrimp on the way back. It's obviously a fix, so…"
"No…" Nick said, shaking his head. "Check our text messages. Honest."
"You've probably deleted them," she waved off.
"Take it to the labs," Nick said, before pausing and looking to Wolford. "If I get twenty for the rent."
"Five."
"Fifteen."
"Five."
"Ten, final offer."
"Five."
…
"Nine! Min."
"Six."
"Eighteen."
"Hey! You can't do that!"
"I just did."
"Damn it, ten."
"Fifteen, min."
"Twelve."
"Done."
"Moot point," the tiger said, "you'll have used burner phones."
Nick and Wolford looked to the tiger, wearing exactly the same expression.
She just shrugged. "Okay, give me a better reason how this dumb-dumb could have randomly guessed that?"
Nick blinked. "Yeah. How could that dumb-dumb have ever guessed that?"
"Oh, I don't know?" he shrugged. "By watching you two?"
"Uhhhh…" Judy began, only to be cut off.
"I mean, you two are basically in sync with each other. It's like a Mewton's cradle, she opens the door, he spins in brushing her knees with his tail. He sits down at the morning briefing all relaxed, while she is bouncing on her seat, paws knitted together. AND, whenever they do a combined drinks and food run, the food always ends up being carried by Nick so he can scarf some of the shrimp."
Nick opened his mouth and held up his paw, only for his response to die in his mouth. "Okay… It's a fair cop."
Judy though let her nose twitch. "We're not that predictable."
"You are," Wolford said, as Grizzoli sighed.
"Dammit, fine," he said, handing his money over. "When he puts it like that."
Fangmeyer though just shrugged. "I refuse to believe it."
"Oh," Judy said, "so it's more likely that it's a grand conspiracy between us and your partner."
"Yes. Would you prefer it if you were stupidly predictable instead?"
"Yes," they both said, only to blink. "I mean no. I mean…" They turned to each other, Nick waving Judy on. "You first."
"Fine," she said, turning back to the tiger. "I mean, more than us being cheats if that's what you're saying."
"Sure is," she said.
"I mean, how have you not noticed?" Wolford asked. "Are you just… Wilde-Hopps blind or something." He paused, before waving her off. "Forget it, they could swap and you wouldn't notice it."
"Oh don't be stupid," she said, taking her drink and swigging it down.
All as Nick and Judy settled onto their seat. "Should we be concerned?" Judy asked.
"Oh no," Nick waved off, as Grizzoli cleared his throat.
"-Anyway, my joke," he began, as the fox carried on talking to Judy.
"It's not like you finish my…"
"-What do you call a police mammal at a travelling amusement park?"
Judy opened her mouth. "Sentences…"
There was a moment of silence, the bunny suddenly feeling quite stupid, Nick facepawing, Wolford chuckling and saying they just proved it, and Grizolli speaking up over them all.
"No, not sentences. A police mammal at a travelling amusement park…"
"That's a fair cop," Nick groaned, as the table burst into laughter.
Grizzoli got up, pointing at them all. "NO! No, it's… Actually yes, yes, that's the punchline… Totally was all the time."
.
.
"So what do you mean, we should get Fangmeyer back for that," Judy asked.
"I'm saying, we should prove her wrong," Nick said.
"So?" she asked, coming over to snuggle next to him in front of the Paw-Flix screen. "I just don't see why Wolford's honour and bet means so much to…"
"-Me, yadda yadda. Except it's not his," Nick said. "It's mine. She inferred that I was up to some dirty tricks, and…"
"Oh," Judy said, standing up, her nose beginning to twitch. "I didn't… She…!"
"Ah, ah," he waved down at her. "Probably didn't mean to, probably thought she was doing the whole 'eliminate the impossible and what's left however improbable etcetera etcetera elementary… But the point still stands, and needs be corrected. By sneaking cunning fox methods to wind her up, or rather not wind her up, as she's apparently blind to our predictableness."
"I…" Judy began, sounding unconvinced. Only for her askew ears to rise up. "Hang on, if we really are so predictable…"
They stood up. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
And with that, off to work they went.
It'd take some time, some planning, but when the day came…
.
.
It was raining.
Something absolutely hated by most mammals at the ZPD, but especially by their feline members.
"You're looking too happy right now," was all Fangmeyer could say, looking at the incredibly cheery and incredibly dry Clawhauser.
He just smiled further and brought up his 'Xtra-Xtra large Gazelle Umbrella'.
"Fine, just don't open it," she began, only for the fwoomp of it going open to ring out. Her tail swished a bit but she remained silent as the cheetah folded it back up and put it away.
"Oh, don't worry about it," the dispatcher replied, waving her off. "That bad luck stuff is just dumb…" He trailed off, pausing. "Huh…"
"What?" Fangmeyer asked, turning over to look where he was. Nick, chatting and laughing, opened the main door with his back, letting Judy walk in, todays box of donuts in her paws.
"I…" Clawhauser began, before shaking it off. "No, just something felt a little off."
"Extra big delivery of glazed delights, coming right up Spots," Judy said, smiling as she pushed the treats over.
"Thanks…" Clawhauser said, head tilting a little. "The… uh… Rain wasn't bad?"
"No, it's wet," Judy smirked, as Nick rolled his eyes and gave her an elbow to the side.
"Judy… And nope, we got in just in time, and it's not as if we're going to let any rain get us down, is it? Who knows, today could be a great day."
And with that, off they walked.
"Oh, I see…"
Fangmeyer turned down to see Clawhauser looking at them with a quizzical look. "What?"
He looked up at her. "They're being extra cute today."
"How…"
"You'll work it out."
The tiger didn't look convinced.
.
Something was wrong.
Something was very wrong.
Sure, Fangmeyer tended to be the lone silent one in the Bullpen, a lack of voice for reason or otherwise amidst the shouts and calls and rowdiness before the morning briefing. But the key part of that was the lone part.
Having everyone like that was shaping up to be very, very, weird.
"Why's no-one talking?" she asked.
Francine leant down to answer her. "I don't know… It's weird."
"Then talk. Make it not weird."
"I can't. The weirdness came first. From over there."
She turned to the front desk, across the isle. Judy was sitting closest to her, laid back, relaxed, arms to her side. Meanwhile, behind her, Nick had an eager look on his face, his big grin bouncing up and down gently with him while his arms rested on the table in front.
"Behind Nick and Judy?"
"It IS Nick and Judy."
"Okay, how?" the tiger asked, only for Higgins to cut her off.
"Ten Huuuuuhhhhhh?"
With a slam the door opened, the Chief marching in. Up to his podium, papers on desk, eyes up and…
He took his glasses off, put them back on again, looked around, took them off, wiped them, put them on again…
"I… Uh, jobs for today." He hurriedly gave them out, giving Fangmeyer and Wolford theirs before out they walked.
"Thank you Sir," the big cat heard Nick say behind her, only for her partner to suddenly turn around.
"What?" she hissed, as Judy made a joke about 'is that what they call a cannot cope buffalo' to the Chief.
"Ohhhhh," Wolford said, suddenly smiling.
"What?" Fangmeyer asked, paws out as the Chief ran away behind her. "What's going on. Why is everyone acting so weird today."
The wolf paused, turning to see Nick and Judy walking passed, the fox giving a happy smile and a fist pump.
"I get it," he said, turning back to her.
"Get what."
"…NOW I get it."
.
.
"Okay, okay, easy there…" The tiger and wolf duo got out of their car to see the situation they'd been called in as back up for. Indeed, they weren't the only ones, as Rhinowitz and Humphrey got out of their squad car and…
Just stood there, gawking.
Fangmeyer looked at them scowling. "Well, as someone actually called to give backup," she began, walking towards the scene up in front of them. Nick was doing his best to talk down two llamas who'd been causing a street disturbance.
"I… I understand," he said, waving his paws down in a calming motion. One of the two mammals gave a shout about the other spitting at him, the other saying he'd been spitting at the ground.
"Well," he said, turning to the first, "if you can just point where he was and where it landed…"
They both did that.
Nick paused, looking at the spot, then turning up. "Excuse me sir, you do realise that that was nowhere near you?"
"It's not about where it was," he grunted. "It's about the message!"
"Oh, I see," Judy chimed in. "Was he actually giving a sequence of long and short spits. Something very rude in morse code?"
"No," the first one hissed, as Nick did his best to calm him. "It's the principle. He was looking at me! He was saying, I see you and this is what I want to do to you but are too chicken to do!"
"I wasn't doing anything to you! But now that you called me chicken." Thwaaaa… Puuuh!
Thwaaaa… Puuuh!
Thwaaaa… Puuuh!
Thwaaaa… Puuuh!
"Right," Fangmeyer hissed, as she marched forward, only for Judy to stroll up to her, pulling a protesting Nick back as she went.
"Eh, if they want to press charges after let them."
"Judy," Nick said in an uptight not amused voice, something that for some bizarre reason had Wolford giggling. "We can't just…"
"Just wait," she said. "And three, two, one…"
And with that, the pair finished spitting at each other and walked away.
…
"Just a bunch of drama llamas," she waved off. "All sorted."
And with that she walked off, Nick patting his foot on the floor for some reason. A stern look on his muzzle, his arms crossed, he finally sighed, rolled his eyes and walked off behind her. "I suppose it does save on the paperwork."
"That's the spirit!"
Fangmeyer watched them go, scratching her head. "Will you stop giggling Wolford?"
He then burst into laughter.
"Am I missing something here?"
She was answered by Judy, through the radio. "Are you missing something? Yes, yes you are."
.
.
The rest of the day began to get increasingly confusing. And then irritating. "What big joke am I missing?" she asked.
"Joke, there's a joke?" was all that Snarlov could say, as he dug his claws into his head. The polar bear was forming his own little pile of shed fur at his feet.
"I don't know. I feel like there is," she said, "and I'm the one being messed with."
"You're the one being messed with?" he asked. "Something is wrong here. Something is very, very wrong. I can feel it."
The tiger tried to tell him to stop being stupid, but… Part of her felt the same way too.
What was going on?
"Hey, hey, Snarlov!" Fangmeyer turned to see Grizzoli walking up. "I know what's going on. Heard about it in a call about some 'drama llamas' and it all made sense."
"Really?"
"Yeah, let me tell you about it," he said.
Fangmeyer nodded. "This will be good."
The bear looked at her and gave a cunning grin. "In the men's toilets, of course."
And then, off they went.
.
.
"Am I out of touch with something?" she asked Ben. He leant back in his desk, smiling. "No," she concluded, "it's the precinct that's out of touch. Or conspiring against me or something."
"Oh, I'm surprised you haven't worked it out yet," he smiled.
She quickly liberated his remaining donuts and, using his fatal weakness of not being able to run fast, took them to a far more appropriate place that was well out of his reach. The bullpen.
She closed the door behind her, only to freeze.
'INTERVENTION!'
"What's this?" she asked, looking at the massive banner strung across the room.
The dozen or so very nervous looking cops remained silent, until Trunkaby spoke up. "It's not for you, it's for Wilde and Hopps."
"Why?"
The reply was shared by everyone. "They're being weird and freaking us out."
She looked at them and, picking up a donut, drooped the box on the table and turned to leave. "Naaaa…." Opening the door, she was met with the pair themselves. "Go inside. They think you're being weird."
Judy smiled. "Tell me what's new?"
Nick elbowed her.
And with that the tiger pushed them in, closed the door and walked away, only to pause as laughter erupted from behind her.
About turn, open the door, look inside, and the entire pen was laughing and howling out. And at the site of her doubled down.
"Okay, what's going on?"
Judy was quick with their reply. "They're laughing."
"Why?"
"We told them something funny."
Nick's eyes narrowed and he pointed at her. "She told them something funny."
"Which was?"
They looked at each other, before Judy turned to face her. "Want to hear a joke?"
"Okay."
"What do you call a police officer at a travelling amusement park."
"That's Grizolli's joke."
Nick moved up to make a point, only to shut himself down. While Judy finished for him. "Oh yeah. That is a fair cop."
Grumbling, out the tiger went.
.
.
"See, Judy is bringing the food this time."
"But didn't you ask Nick to bring it? Specifically?" Wolford asked, a grin on his muzzle.
"I think that just proves my point further," she said, pausing as she noticed a slightly uncomfortable look on the bunny's face. "What is it now, Judy?"
"She's all queasy from pinching one of the shrimp, am I right?" Grizzoli added, sniggering.
"I…" Fangmeyer said. Part validated even further, part utterly stumped.
"Bad luck of the sea," she tried to laugh, taking a deep swig of her drink. Swallowing it down, she let out a big burp, relaxing into her seat. "Better…"
"Okay, okay, okay! Time out!"
All eyes were on the tiger.
"What… What's going on here."
"Why Stripes," Judy smiled. "I don't know what you mean."
"You ate shrimp."
"It's Zootopia," Nick said. "Where anyone can be anything."
"Is everyone just trying to weird me out for some reason," she asked, looking around.
"Oh no, no," Judy said, looking… dangerously… foxily… smug.
The bunny looked at the fox and the fox at the bunny.
"We were just making the world a more interesting place," Nick said, smiling.
"Social experimenting," Judy added. "It just took you longer than anyone else to notice."
"Notice what?" the tiger asked, frowning as those either side of her burst down laughing.
Nick looked at Judy and Judy at Nick. "We could keep this going," the fox said, over happily.
"Could we?" Judy replied, as they turned to look deviously at Fangmeyer. "Yes, yes we could."