"You think I'm crazy, don't you," Meredith walked into her lab. She didn't expect to find him there. Not after she practically refuted his own work to their colleagues- their former colleagues- and to his sister right to his face. He'd flipped through the research and listened attentively. Every now and then he'd look down at the paperwork and glanced up at her again without his expression changing.

She used to be able to read him so well. Used to. In the days when they promised to love each other even when they hated each other. Now, she wasn't sure what mutual feelings they had for one another except appreciation for being the parents of their children.

"I never said I thought you were crazy," Derek turned to her from the monitor.

"You didn't say anything," Meredith sighed as she walked towards the table across from him, "That's what the neuroscientist in Tennessee sent me. The tampered images."

He hummed as he pressed the screen for the next piece of evidence. She saw as he furrowed his brows studying the data.

"Catherine is having me mingle with big donors and I can't be there knowing that this research is all wrong and I-I don't know what to do," she shrugged, "I get what Richard is saying, I do-"

"Richard's just trying to look out for you, you know that."

"Really?" Meredith raised a brow, "Because it didn't feel like it when he blamed me for the hospital's failures."

He'd heard about them. As a board member, he'd heard of all the failures and obstacles the hospital had gone through over the last years. Their messy divorce left him with one option and he returned to D.C. to a job he found no meaning in. He eventually left it for a position as chief of neuro in Columbia.

He'd vouched for Meredith, took her side in leaving for Minnesota even if it tore him apart. She was leaving for him. The man who'd made her happy for the last year.

"That was-"

"Don't defend him Derek!"

"I'm not defending him!"

"Well you're not taking my side!"

"What are you-?"

"You stood there as he tore down my theory! As he practically told me to sit down and shut up because it was the only way I could keep my funding and my reputation and protect your work! I'm not like you, Derek! I could care less about any-"

"This is not about my reputation or my ego, Meredith!" he turned to her, "This has nothing to do with me!"

"Then what the hell is it Derek? Because it seems to me that you're ego has suddenly burst at the thought of me-"

"This is your project Meredith! What you decide to do with it is up to you. What I say doesn't matter!"

"Of course it matters what you say!" she slammed the table in front of her for emphasis. Meredith fought the tears that threatened to fall, "Of course it matters!"

"Have you looked at her research?" Amy looked up at him from the chair.

Derek blinked, "How the hell did you- don't you have your own freaking room?"

"I see the inconsistencies she mentioned Derek. I mean this isn't just- she's really going after your-

"I know I see them," he whispered back, "You know damn well why I even started that so if she is willing to question it because she found something, I'm not gonna stop her."

"I knew it."

"What?"

"You still love Meredith Grey," Amelia smirked, "You know she broke up with-"

"Amy-"

His ex-wife's love life wasn't something he needed to know about. And it wasn't anything he should have a say in either. She made that very clear. It broke him when she asked him about moving to Minnesota. It broke him when he found out she was seeing the moronic transplant surgeon that chased her. It broke him. All of it broke him.

Merely a few years ago, he had stupidly convinced himself that things would change to what they once were when he dropped everything to be at her side when she caught the novel virus. Even after she mended and made it home, things seemed to turn back to what they once were. Their family living under the same roof- albeit Derek sleeping on the very uncomfortable couch- and haveing nightly dinners.

But he left back to New York, and things were back to their new normal where Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd were divorced.

"Did you tell her?"

Derek turned to Amelia, "Did I tell her what?"

"That you weren't gonna stop her from continuing her research?"

Meredith tightened the bracelet on her wrist. If she could escape this damn event she would run and hide somewhere no one would find her. Leaving Seattle was supposed to be a new start. And it was a new start.

Zola's anxiety had only worsened after Derek had returned to New York. During lockdown, he'd picked everything up and had temporarily stayed in Seattle to be closer to the kids. He rented a place so as to not confuse things. But then Meredith had contracted the virus and she was stuck in isolation at the hospital for weeks. He wouldn't leave her side until she woke up and was cleared to go home. He could still remember the look of joy on their children's face when he opened the door and surprised them with their mother in tow.

No matter how many years had passed, their children had hope that their family would be 'fixed'.

But it wouldn't. They were still the same arrogant, work obsessed, mess of people and today had proven it so. How stupid could he be if he thought that what he said didn't matter? Wasn't he once the one to search for the cure? Didn't he claim he did it for her?

"Crap," she mumbled as the bracelet unclasped again and fell on the floor, "Stupid, stupid bracelet."

Derek closed the door behind him. He shouldn't have let things go as far as they had. He shouldn't have yelled, he shouldn't have let his temper get the better of him but Meredith's accusations had pushed him towards the ledge. He once wanted to cure it and he had been terrified at what would happen if she were to suffer the same fate as Ellis Grey did. Truth be told, he still lived with that fear. But, he had to keep a distance. She made it very clear that he no longer had any right to do things for her. He was simply, undisputedly, her ex-husband.

"I hate these stupid things. Why the hell did I even agree to-"

He swallowed before taking the risk,"Hey."

Her head snapped up in surprise. She blinked, "Hey."

"You're still rambling after all these years?" he smirked as he stepped towards her.

"I-I can't get this stupid thing on, I should've just left it in the room-"

"Here, let me help," he offered.

She accepted as she held out her hand. His fingers gently pressed on the latch until it was firmly latched onto her wrist. It detached again.

She lightly bit her tongue and noticed how he furrowed his brows in concentration. How his bottom lip was slightly caught between his teeth. The wrinkles on his face slightly deepened. Perhaps she'd never noticed, perhaps she'd just refused to admit that despite the years, there was still attraction between them. That magnetic thread that always pulled them back together no matter how much they had tried to stop it. It's what put off any potential relationships the first two years of their divorce. The lapse in judgment between the pair that ended in quickies in on-call rooms and janitor closets.

She could feel her pulse quicken at the proximity. A slight awkwardness between the two. As if sensing it, Derek cleared his throat.

"I stopped by the house," he mentioned as he struggled with the latch, "Zola opened the door and shrieked so loudly I'm sure their tutor thought I was gonna kidnap them."

Meredith laughed, grateful at the mention of their prized treasures, "They tell him all about you, all the time. I'm pretty sure he was just relieved to know it was you and that they didn't just run to anybody. Was Ellie surprised?"

Ellis. Ellie. Their surprise wonder child that came to be after the collapse of their marriage. The divorce proceedings were filled with fights and screaming matches. Of fighting over custody and quickly relinquishing their once dream house. The first instance they'd fallen into their own traps, he'd kissed her angrily, and she let him. And then she was pressed against the couch of his office until there was nothing but pleasure coursing through her body.

Three weeks later, Meredith signed divorce papers. And a pregnant mark was on the stupid stick she'd urinated on.

The warfire had ceased and a treaty was respected thanks to the pink bundle he'd brought to her the day she'd given birth. She had bright green eyes. Bright blonde hair. She was stubborn and confident. A near replica of her mother with sprinkles of her father. She'd changed their relationships as co-parents for the better. There was no way he'd miss out on raising their children. And there was no way she would ever be her mother and forbid him from loving them.

"Oh yeah," Derek's smile widened, "She had me try that surprise fudge thing she made?"

"Oh, the one with the gummy worms?" Meredith grimaced at the overly sugary delicacy their daughter had invented.

"Yeah, well-"

"They're the surprise," they said in tandem before they burst into giggles.

"She's so tall. So smart and bright. She does that thing with her eyes that you do when she wants something," he sighed fondly, "And Bailey asked me to watch his game tomorrow. He just started practice and he's already starting?"

He looked up at her with a proud expression. Derek had made the effort to never miss a game of whatever sport he decided to join even if it meant hopping on the redeye to and from the east coast. Their son was almost the spitting image of his father. His blue eyes were always filled with mischief. His grin was just as sly and his heart was just as pure.

"You know Bailey, he doesn't just like to sit and watch, and he's good- or so they say. I don't know anything about it, that's always been your forte," she smiled at the thought of their son, "Thank you by the way for helping me find a team for him. I know you're busy-"

"I'm never busy for the kids," he shook his head as the latch finally seemed to stay in place, "or you. You know that."

It'd been hard for him to live on one coast and for her and their kids to live on another. He was present for any and every event. He would take the red-eye to show up for a soccer match, a play, or a science fair. But he couldn't deny the physical toll it often took. Deep down, the distance between himself and his former wife was what was needed. Even if it tore at him.

Selfishly, he felt relief when Zola had preferred the school in Boston. They'd both looked in Seattle and in New Hampshire. In New York and California. But Brookline STEAM caught her attention and a three hour train ride was perfect for weekend commutes.

Derek was a great dad.A wonderful doting father who was protective, kind, generous, and firm when he backed her up. She always knew he'd be. Even after their marriage crumbled, it was the one sure thing she could cling to. A security blanket over their children that truly put her at ease.

And Meredith. Despite the cruel words he once spewed at her, she was wonderful. She had a heart filled with love for their children. She would drop everything to be with them and to do anything for them. She made miracles happen out of nowhere and took care of them fiercely.

"The kids missed you. Zola really misses you," Meredith quietly added.

"I know," he pressed his lips into a tight grin, "I miss them too. Her panic attacks?"

"Less. A lot less but she's still struggling with the anxiety. The therapy seems to be helping."

"Good," he nodded, "That's good."

They'd started out as nightmares. Then moments of anxiousness. Until a school presentation revealed panic attacks. According to Zola's teacher, they were much more frequent than the parents were aware. And to top it off, she'd been identified as a highly gifted child and her school was understimulating. Her mind would wander and the discovery of her grandmother's diagnosis worsened things. She often thought of her mother dying, her Aunt Maggie dying, and her father dying. She thought of the loneliness and that was when the panic attacks would sneak in.

But she was bold. And brilliant. And incredible. So her parents moved mountains and rivers for her. Together, they found a school she loved.

Meredith swallowed, "I shouldn't have yelled at you at the lab-"

"Meredith-"

"I know I put you in a compromising position. Our professional work has always been-"

He shook his head, "I should have stood up for you when Richard said-"

"You mean when Richard said I was tanking my career and no one would listen? Yeah, I would have appreciated it if you said something."

He chuckled as he met her green eyes, "That and what Amy said."

"It insults decades of work, Meredith," Amelia shook her head before turning to her brother, "This insults Derek's work."

He didn't respond. He merely flipped to the next page of the research Meredith had compiled for the group to go through.

Meredith swallowed, "Derek-"

"Research is meant to be challenged. All the best do, I should know that. And if you really believe in what you found, you should challenge my work and every other work," he sighed, "Not that you need my permission, you're gonna end up doing whatever you want to do anyways-"

"Now, who's rambling," she smirked. He hadn't let go of her wrist yet and she didn't want him to. The slightly rough texture of his fingers still tingled upon her soft skin. The magnetic pull was still there.

"Is Nick waiting for you at the-"

"Oh, ugh," she bit her lip, "Nick and I-"

She'd been hoping he wouldn't bring him up. She wasn't ready to discuss her failed relationship with the man she once promised to love even when she hated him. She pulled her hand at the sudden drop to reality and shrugged, "We haven't been anything in a long time."

"What happened?"

"Oh, you don't want to hear about your ex-wife's problems with her ex-whatever."

"Oh c'mon, you can tell me."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Are you gonna tell me about oh, what was her name again? Jane? Jasmine?"

"Jenna. It was never a thing," he shrugged. He couldn't help but be slightly pleased at the tone she'd taken, "Zola should've never said anything. She was just a friend."

"Uh-huh. Friends, right," she raised her brow.

"I can be friends with people," Derek grinned, "I can be friends with you."

"We could never be just friends, you know that," her whisper was barely audible. So quiet that she wasn't so sure he heard it until his hand released hers.

Their eyes locked for a moment. The pull was buzzing again and she was doing the thing with her eyes where she was expecting something and he was doing the thing with his eyes where he glanced at her lips and then back at her eyes. They were magnetic. Attracted to each other no matter the distance. Instantly tethered together.

Unless one ran. And they were both experts at running.

Meredith blinked, "We should go downstairs-"

"We should," he whispered back, "You need to tell those donors what you've found. If you don't tell them, you will regret it. You're not the kind of person to sit back-"

"Derek-"

"You wouldn't be the person I fell in love if you didn't-"

He didn't know what overcame him, but he pulled her closer, his hands cupping her face and crashing his lips onto hers. He half expected her to pull back and reprimand him but to his surprise, her hands wrapped around his waist and she returned the kiss.

If there was one word to define it, it would've been epic. An epic kiss for the ages. That reminded her of the years where they were happy. Because they were once truly happy. That happiness had never quite returned after those legal papers were signed and she'd pushed him away.

But here, with his lips on hers, her hands tangled in his hair, and his hands traveling her back, it all came back to her.

It all happened too quickly for either of them to realize where they had been. They could have mistaken the nearly identical hotel rooms for their own if it wasn't for the fact that she'd left a mess behind. Derek had grinned at the fact that some things with Meredith just never changed.

The purse she had carried in her hands found a new home somewhere on the floor once he shut the door behind them.

"The sign," she panted as his lips traveled her neck, "Put the stupid sign."

He groaned as he turned to place the placard on the door handle while she kicked off the dreaded heels that pinched. Derek turned back to her and shoved his jacket off as his lips latched onto hers once more. She pulled him into the abyss they had found comfort in so long ago. She tore his tie and his shirt crinkled on the floor.

His hands were on her waist, her sides, and her back before he pulled back breathless, "How the hell- where-"

Meredith giggled as she lifted her hands. The dresses pulled on the floor, a pathway of clothes led them to the bed.

There was no hesitation, no second thoughts when arms enveloped her and picked her off the floor.

Some time later, they reached the bed, her fingers fumbling with the belt until bliss and carnal desire took over.

Meredith Grey was in Derek Shepherd's arms for the first time in many years. Meredith Grey was lost in a pool of ecstasy, relishing in the strangled moans upon her neck until the dam burst and she shattered around him.

He kissed her, and touched her, and appreciated each and every second, each and every twitch. Because to be in Meredith Grey's arms again was something he'd never thought would happen.

Her head rested on top of his chest as her fingers toyed with the whisps of hair. His own fingers traced meaningless patterns on the smooth skin of her back as he blinked at the ceiling.

"What happened between you and Nick?"

Meredith sighed before pushing herself up on her elbow, "I'm naked. With you in my bed. Do you really want to talk about what happened between me and-"

"You were willing to move to Minnesota for him," Derek shook his head, "Things like that don't end out of nowhere."

She pulled the sheet towards her chest and sat up straight as she curled her arms around her knees. Figured he'd be the one to burst the bubble they were in by reminding her of the reality. But, he was right.

She'd made a plethora of decisions that made things seem as if things were perfect between the pair.

"I-," she exhaled, "I never wanted to move to Minnesota."

"What? You had the job lined up, you were looking-"

"I thought I wanted to," she turned to him, "I thought I was doing the right thing by getting the hell away from Seattle then. Everyone was blaming me for the hospital's problems, Richard and Bailey, and I was fighting with everyone, and you said I should take it. You said I worked hard for it."

"You did-do," He moved to lean his back on the headboard and locked his blue eyes with her green irises, "You led a clinical trial to find the cure for parkinsons. You helped plan out a successful surgery that gave out hope-"

"I got that job because I was Ellis Grey's daughter," she turned away from him, "And you only agreed to help after Amelia convinced you."

Meredith had tried to convince him to join her on a revolutionary trial. He had declined, arguing that their personal ties would be a conflict of interest. It wasn't until Amelia intervened that he caved. The paper that would be published months later had both their names on it and she couldn't help but sigh at the bittersweet feeling she felt when she first saw the paper.

"You know damn well that's not why he offered it to you," Derek insisted, "What else happened between the two of you?"

She had been afraid to admit it. Afraid to admit that the one fully adult relationship she'd had post-divorce had been tearing her into someone she couldn't recognize.

"I was losing myself for someone who had no interest in who I was," she whispered, "I'm not this perfect person who is ready to take off and move their kids' lives for something she's not sure of and I'm not someone who's gonna beg a man to love her."

She swallowed as she thought about the last thing she'd told him before leaving. She wouldn't beg him. She was a grown woman with a life. With kids who needed her. And she was done begging.

Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

"I can't do that," she whispered as she turned to look at him, "The last time I did that, my heart was broken by the man who chose someone else."

He swallowed at the truth she'd thrown at him. He'd broken her heart too many times to count. He'd been the one to rip apart their family and it was a guilt that hung over his head.

"Meredith-"

"He was angry because I chose to move. He said I didn't consider him- and I didn't," she shook her head, "I didn't consider him because I was thinking about my daughter, and if he would've cared he wouldn't have thrown that in my face."

Derek furrowed his brow, "Wait, what-?"

"I didn't just end things, Derek," she shook her head, "I knew what I was doing, and I did the right thing when I walked away from him."

"Meredith-"

"He didn't get it. He didn't get me," her jaw locked, "He didn't get what you told me years ago. He didn't get that I am who I am and why I am dark and twisty and all of that. You did."

An awkward air lingered before he spoke again, "So then what does this mean?"

She snorted. He'd asked that before. Long ago.

Meredith and Derek. Derek and Meredith. God, they were just so complicated. They'd always been too stubborn, too set in their own ways. One ready to take the leap, one with their feet firmly on the ground. And when they had finally seemed to be steady, he had to ruin it with a meaningless job. She rightfully pushed back.

Meredith turned to him and curled up against him, "Do you want to know the truth?"

"What truth?"

"I've known we made a mistake for years," she whispered. She couldn't look at him, "When we signed those papers. When I let you go. When you ran. "

"I fucked things up in D.C." he swallowed a lump in his throat, "I let someone- I broke our marriage. That's on me."

She pulled herself up and leaned against his chest to look at him, "I don't want to do the whole sex and mockery thing again. I don't want us to just have one night and pretend nothing- I want to try again."

She moved to straddle him. He was hypnotized by the way she leaned into him and devoured him.

"I know I always said that blue brings out your eyes but, you look better naked," she smirked as she watched him redress.

"We need to go downstairs," he tightened his tie, "You're presenting me with an award."

She was still sprawled under the sheets. Teasing him and trying to coerce him back to bed.

"You're not gonna win that award," she bit her lip as he leaned over to kiss her.

"Says the woman who didn't get nominated on a technicality," he chuckled as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Ass," she shoved him playfully, "I led that trial, you may have done the work but it was my trial."

"I'll make sure Amy and I thank you in our speech," he kissed her again, her giggles music to his ears.

"I'm serious, that award is not yours," she scrunched her nose, "Bailey is winning for her work on women's health."

"What?" he stared dumbfounded, "So this was what? A ruse to get her here to surprise her?."

"Yes," she bit her lip. Her gaze softened, "What's gonna happen after tonight?"

He pushed a stray hair back, "Well I'm not going home with you tonight."

She guffawed before shaking her head and threading her fingers with his.

"I want to, Meredith, I want to try again," he whispered, "But if we're gonna do this we can't just jump into it, I don't want to hurt-"

"The kids," she finished for him in a whisper, "Ellis drew a picture of us. I'm in a dress and you're in a suit. And we're on the beach. And she said she dreamed her mom and dad got married again."

His heart broke slightly for their little girl, "She hates the post-it."

She giggled at the memory, "We made a promise. We said forever and I want to get there."

"Well then, let's get there."

"Where the hell have you been? You missed my-"

"Congratulations Bailey," Derek stepped behind her and leaned in to kiss her cheek. Meredith trailed behind him with her hair slightly disheveled.

"I'm sorry we missed it," Meredith smiled as she embraced her, "Were you surprised?"

Bailey recognized the guilty looks on their faces. It'd been the same faces they had when she had caught them in Derek's car all those years ago, "Oh, uh-uh, don't come to me after you two-"

"We were at the lab," Meredith interrupted before finishing her sentence, "Derek was taking another look at the research and we got caught up."

"Is that why my brother's collar has a lipstick stain on it that happens to match your shade," Amelia smirked as they rounded the table to take their seats.

Derek's eyes widened and his jaw locked as if reprimanding his sister like he used to when they were young.

"Meredith, dear," Catherine Fox stepped behind her and placed both hands on her shoulders, "There are some donors that have been dying to meet you but you have been absent so now it's time to get to work."

Meredith turned to Derek.

"You can do this," he nudged her, "Go."

"Okay," she exhaled as she stood to follow Catherine.

Derek sipped from the glass in front of him. A pair of eyes glared at him angrily.

Richard leaned forward, "You told her to-"

"Before you say anything, think about why she's even doing this," Derek angrily gritted, "She's not doing this for recognition Richard. She's doing this because her mother had this disease and it terrifies her-"

"She's tanking everything she-!"

"We have children, Richard!" Derek leaned forward. Bailey, Amelia, Ben looked around at the prying eyes.

"Okay, Derek, you need to-" Amelia whispered as she wrapped her hand around his arm.

"She is a mother to three brilliant children and unlike Ellis Grey," Derek gritted, "She intends to care for them as long as she can. So don't tell her she is compromising herself when you damn well know why she's doing it."

Richard stood from the table and walked away angrily. Bailey exhaled before turning back to her husband.

"You okay?" Amelia whispered.

Derek turned to watch Meredith speak to the donors. Their grim faces told him everything. She had explained her findings and had shot a bullet through decades of research.

She was a stubborn woman. A woman set on her ways and never intending to shake for anyone. She saw the world's gray areas and chose compassion even to those who didn't deserve it. She was warm and caring. Loyal and fierce. And he loved every dark and twisted part of her.

"Great," he smiled as Meredith turned to lock eyes with him. Any and all doubt wiped from her face and a smile greeting him, "I'm just great."

Whatever the hell happened after tonight, Derek Shepherd knew one thing. He'd be right next to her, moving forward on their way to forever.

A/N: *taps mic* Hello? Anyone there? Okay, hold off on the tomatoes! I haven't forgotten about Bigger Than The Whole Sky! It's in progress and will be updated soon...ish!

This was just a random little one-shot that is NOT going anywhere else. For clarification, I still don't get why Mer led the Parkinson's trial other than she needing a storyline to write her off in s18 so I would think that because she didn't do the surgery (and she didn't really do much) she would be disqualified on a technicality. *dodges tomatoes*

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading!