High Specificity for Abuse
Notes:
Set during season 6 between episodes 16 and 17.
Trigger warning: Contains discussions about child abuse.
A million thanks to my good fandom friend tj_teejay for her invaluable support, advice and beta reading. She is a brilliant and gifted writer and I'm always very grateful for her insights and suggestions.
1.
It was a beautiful, sunny day in San Jose, and the morning sun was hitting just the right spot in Shaun and Lea's patio where the couple were enjoying their breakfast.
Shaun took a bite from his raspberry pancake and realized once more that he still preferred chocolate chip over anything else despite Lea's gentle urging to try something new every once in a while.
Things were going really well for them right now, and Shaun knew to be grateful for what they had — a comfortable roof above their head, a new car, happily married and a pregnancy that was progressing well.
The recent snag in the road in the form of a lawsuit that had been sprung on Shaun had thankfully been resolved without any negative impact, which had been quite a relief. Being sued for malpractice was an experience he would rather have skipped, and hoped he'd never have to repeat it again.
In the end, everything had turned out for the best, thanks to his very good lawyer whom he'd liked from the moment he met her. Shaun hoped that he and Joni would keep in touch and remain friends in the future. He was also very grateful for the unwavering support that both Lea and Dr. Glassman had offered him throughout the hearing. They'd very literally had his back the whole time.
Lea took a sip from her cup of coffee and looked at him with a smile on her face. "You know, Shaun, tomorrow is going to be a very important anniversary for us."
Shaun considered that for a couple of moments.
"What anniversary are you referring to?"
"Tomorrow will be the fourth anniversary of us moving in together. Our Roomies Anniversary!"
Shaun was more confused by the minute.
"But that is not a very important anniversary," he replied. "Very important anniversaries are meant to celebrate important events, like the day we became girlfriend and boyfriend, or the day we got engaged, or the day of our wedding. Us moving in together does not qualify as such. We were only friends at the time."
Shaun knew that people close to him often found Shaun's logic amusing. That had always puzzled him to a certain degree, but it was definitely better than the open annoyance that many others had shown him over the years.
Lea smiled again. That smile made her whole face glow, Shaun thought. It always did, but now that she was pregnant, it was even more noticeable. Shaun knew that pregnancy hormones could have a positive impact on women's skin, but he hadn't realized how true that was, until he saw it happen first-hand with Lea.
Shaun suddenly realized that he got stuck in his thoughts and was losing track of the conversation.
"It was very important," Lea was saying. "If you really think about it, we'd never have gotten together without first becoming friends. And moving in here was definitely a boost for our friendship."
"Hm." Shaun wasn't at all convinced. "I was very happy that we moved in together. But I still think that it's a silly anniversary," he concluded, wrapping up the discussion.
Lea laughed, which confused Shaun a little. "Okay, Mr. Party Pooper," she surrendered.
"I am not Mr. Party Pooper," Shaun remarked with a small smile. He was feeling proud for getting her joke.
"Yes, you are. But I love you all the same," Lea replied. "How about we go out for dinner anyway? We should thank Glassy for the 'Rocket Ship'. It's so cool and he was so sweet. Don't you think so, too?"
"Yes," Shaun agreed, "he was."
Shaun's phone suddenly blipped, revealing an urgent message from the hospital ER. He immediately got up. "I have to go," he explained briefly and only took a second to kiss Lea goodbye, before disappearing through their front door.
2.
When Shaun got to the ER, Jordan and Jared were tending to a toddler, who was lying on a stretcher, weeping softly. A woman was standing next to him. Most likely his mother, Shaun reasoned. She looked very young, probably in her early twenties.
As soon as Shaun got closer, Jordan started reporting the situation to him.
"David Barnard, three years old. Possible scapular and arm fractures with visible edema."
"We've given him pain meds that should have already kicked in," Jared completed. "Jared added, then leaned a little closer towards Shaun and said in a lowered voice, "He seems pretty scared, maybe be a little more careful. "
Shaun approached the little boy carefully, trying not to startle him. Children were always a bit of a wildcard for Shaun. They were irrational and unpredictable, but he was determined to learn as much as possible. After all, he'd have his own son to deal with very soon. Shaun reasoned that, probably, the best strategy was explaining out loud what needed to be done, before actually doing it.
"Hello, David" Shaun greeted, making his voice what he hoped was a little softer. "I am Dr. Shaun Murphy. I need to check your scapula and arm. I will be very careful."
The boy let out what Shaun read as a displeased hum but didn't say anything. He looked indeed frightened, just as Jared had assumed. Shaun noticed that David was holding a stuffed rabbit with his uninjured arm.
It reminded Shaun of another young patient he'd had recently. "Would it make you feel better if I examined your rabbit, too?"
He heard Jared chuckling softly behind him. Had he asked a weird question? But apparently Shaun's approach was correct, since David stopped crying and gave him a small nod.
Shaun proceeded with his fake medical examination on the rabbit first. Then shifted to David's scapula and limb, making sure to be as gentle as possible.
"The arm fracture could be transverse. In that case David would need to undergo surgery," he explained to the mother. Her hand came to her mouth and her brows were deeply knitted. Shaun figured she was probably upset.
"Surgery? Can't you just put a cast on it?"
"We need to do a CT scan first to fully assess the damage," Shaun elaborated further. "Please, tell me how he contracted the fracture."
"Oh, well, he, uhm. He…" The young woman was literally stammering. That confused Shaun.
"He fell down the stairs. We have a lot of stairs at home. We live out of town, you know. He got up at night and it was dark. He must have tripped."
"Why didn't you bring him in immediately?" Jared interjected.
"I don't know… It was… You know, it was the middle of the night. I can't drive and my partner wasn't home. It didn't really seem that bad, so I gave him some Ibuprofen and hoped it would be better in the morning."
"Okay," Shaun said to end the discussion. He then gave Jordan and Jared specific instructions to perform the CT scan to the toy bunny, as well. That elicited another little chuckle from Jordan.
Had he been wrong in his approach? Both his previous experiences in treating young patients and David's positive reaction would suggest that he was correct. Dr. Park also once told Shaun that understanding other people's needs would better his relationships.
Shaun made a mental note to ask the residents later what exactly it was that they'd found so humorous.
3.
Following Shaun's instructions, Jordan and Jared moved David to radiology to perform the necessary scan.
As they prepped David for the CT, Jordan and Jared took all the necessary time to explain to him that the procedure they were about to perform was completely safe and harmless and that his bunny would stay with him the whole time, and it would get scanned, too. Then they administered sedation, according to the hospital's pediatric protocols.
All things considered, David had been very diligent for being such a little kid.
When the imaging scans finally appeared on their monitors, both doctors studied them closely.
"Shaun was right." Jordan pointed at the monitor, "That's a textbook transverse fracture. He'll need surgery." Jared nodded in agreement, but something else seemed to have caught his attention. He pointed at another region of the scan. "Look at his right arm and ribcage. There are other previous fractures. The way they healed, some look like they weren't even treated properly."
"You're right," Jordan agreed. "He's a little young to be playing any contact sports. We should take it to Shaun."
"Yeah, definitely," Jared easily concurred.
4.
It took Shaun only a few minutes to get to radiology after being paged. Jared's message said it was urgent and he tried to make it there as fast as he could.
Shaun studied the images carefully. There had been no mention of any previous major injuries in David's medical history, and he knew Jordan to be thorough in both doing anamnesis and documenting it.
Something was nagging at the back of Shaun's mind that this seemed odd and might require some more in-depth investigation. In combination with this current injury, those previous fractures seemed somewhat suspicious, and the indication that they hadn't received proper medical attention was, to a certain extent, even alarming.
Shaun ran through some possibilities of what this could be in his mind. One of them was that the boy might be a victim of abuse. He was still very young and wouldn't have been able to defend himself. Could the mother have hurt him on purpose?
Shaun tried to weigh the arguments here. As far as he could tell, the mother had looked very worried about her son. Shaun hadn't seen any signs that made it seem immediately obvious that she'd be the kind of person who would do anything like that.
Yet, Shaun knew he wasn't always good at reading people, so he made a mental note to run it by Jared or Jordan. Still, it would have been difficult for such a small woman to inflict that kind of damage. Shaun remembered that she mentioned a partner. Could he be involved?
They definitely needed more information before ruling anything out. And Shaun was determined to not leave any possibility unexplored. It was his duty as a doctor. He wasn't exactly an expert in the matter, but sadly he'd had ample personal experience with abusive behaviors.
Shaun's own father had never gotten to the point of breaking his bones, but he'd hit him often and it had always hurt. Especially since it usually happened when Shaun was having or was about to have a meltdown, and it made everything so much worse to endure.
Shaun had had meltdowns a lot more frequently when he was a child, usually whenever he was subjected to sensory or emotional overstimulation or when there was notable disruption to his routines. And they were always bad.
Shaun hadn't known any coping mechanisms back then, because his parents never bothered to support him in any way. Steve always did his best to try and help him, sometimes he could help prevent an actual meltdown, but despite his brother being very smart, he had just been a kid himself.
Ethan Murphy had often also been verbally and emotionally abusive. Of course, Shaun had been too young to question it at the time, but looking back now, Shaun realized just how awful the things had been that his father used to tell him. Sometimes they'd hurt even more than the physical pain.
It said a lot that, after Steve's death, Shaun knew that it would not be safe to go back home to his parents. He'd fought tooth and nail not to spend any more time in the Murphy household.
As horrible as foster care was, Shaun had been able to endure it, since even that was better than going back to his biological parents. There had been hope that it would be temporary. Dr. Glassman had told him he was looking into getting guardianship of Shaun. It had taken patience, but knowing that it would happen at some point, had given him the strength to keep going.
Meeting Dr. Glassman had been a life-changing experience for Shaun, a turning point that opened up a life for Shaun he hadn't known would be possible. Shaun had learnt so much about himself and so many useful things from Glassman. He would never have become the person he was today without him. And he felt so immensely grateful for that. He always would.
Directing his attention back to the CT images on the screen in front of him, Shaun told Jared and Jordan, "Book an OR for tomorrow morning. The fracture requires a surgical fix. Also run a complete metabolic panel."
When there was no response from either Jordan or Jared, Shaun elaborated, "The clinical picture presents a high specificity for possible abuse. We need to investigate."
5.
Shaun's stomach gave an audible growl as he sat alone at one of the small tables in the hospital's cafeteria. Dr. Glassman was supposed to meet him for lunch, and not just was Shaun looking forward to actually eating the turkey sandwich he'd already bought, he was also keen to share the complex case they were handling.
Shaun involuntarily jumped a little as his phone suddenly blipped and a message from Dr. Glassman appeared on the screen, saying that he couldn't make it because he was unexpectedly asked to scrub in for a particularly complex surgery. Shaun knew very well that those changes in schedules often happened with their demanding jobs.
It wasn't the first time that he'd had to change plans at the very last second. Those ad hoc changes were often difficult for Shaun not to get upset about, but over the years he'd learned that it was an inevitable part of being a surgeon. He'd always wanted to be one, and so he'd come to accept it.
Still, Shaun felt inexplicable disappointment at Glassman's cancellation — an emotion that confused him because it seemed… very irrational.
Absorbed in his thoughts, Shaun didn't immediately notice Jared until he stood right by Shaun's table with a tray in his hand.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Hm," Shaun was startled for a second. "No, I do not mind."
Jared sat down across from Shaun and placed his tray in front of him.
"I was going to meet Dr. Glassman for lunch today," Shaun elaborated. "But he was called into a surgery." That said, he opened up his sandwich box and started eating.
Jared poked around in his salad for a while. When Shaun looked up, he seemed to be studying Shaun's face. He looked…worried? Shaun wasn't completely sure.
"Is there something wrong?" Shaun eventually asked.
Jared seemed to be taken aback. "Wrong? No, there's nothing wrong, Shaun. I was only thinking."
He paused for a few moments. Did he want to talk about something? He looked… unsure, maybe. Shaun wondered if that was the case at all, and was about to ask that, when Jared spoke again.
"Look, Shaun, I don't know all the details, but I remember that you mentioned not having had the happiest childhood. I mean, your father used to drink and maybe…"
"He was abusive, yes," Shaun concluded for him. "Why are you interested in that?"
"I mean, this case could hit very close to home for you. And I'm a little worried that it might be triggering."
"Triggering what?" Shaun asked, feeling completely clueless about what his friend meant.
"Well, you know… Bad memories I guess," Jared explained. "It might be upsetting for you."
Shaun became pensive. Was it really the case there? Yes, earlier in radiology he'd relived some memories of his childhood. But they'd only slightly bothered him. It had happened in the past. His biological father was dead and couldn't hurt him anymore. Shaun's life was so much better now, and it had been like that for a long while.
Jared's worries were baseless. He told him as much.
"I am not triggered," Shaun explained. "My situation and David's are different. My father was mean to me because I have ASD, which David does not have. We currently have no evidence of physical abuse. As an attending, it is my duty to investigate the situation and offer assistance. That is exactly what I am doing, so I am not upset."
"Okay," Jared said with a little nod. Shaun hoped that his explanation had reassured his friend that he was fine. Apparently, it did since Jared didn't say anything more and resumed eating.
"Okay," Shaun echoed, satisfied, and diverted his attention back to his sandwich.
6.
The next morning, Lea had been all smiles and had brought up their 'Roomies Anniversary' again. Shaun had reiterated that he thought this anniversary in particular wasn't a significant milestone worth celebrating. Lea, however, had been so excited and happy, and had kept talking about it even on their way to work. Shaun had eventually agreed to commemorate both their new family car and their anniversary, and had acquiesced to the idea of going out for dinner that night.
He always wanted Lea to be happy. She was his wife and he loved her so much. He would do everything to make her happy and keep their relationship as strong as it could possibly be.
Having started the day like that was a good memory, one Shaun held on to and was reminded of while scrubbing out of David's surgery. He had hoped perhaps it would help, because he wasn't looking forward to the next task at hand. Not in the slightest.
With Jared and Jordan flanking him, Shaun approached the waiting room to talk to David's mother.
"The surgery went well," he announced proudly, hoping silently that his two colleagues would back him up with the rest.
"Good," the young woman replied, visibly relieved. "When will he be able to go home?"
Jared added, "We'll need to monitor him for a couple of days, at least."
"And there's something else we need to discuss," Jordan interjected. "David's CT scan revealed a number of old injuries, including some fractures not properly treated. You didn't mention any previous accidents when you brought David in. Can you tell us more about those injuries?"
"I…I told you. We have a lot of stairs at home. I should have placed more baby gates when David was little, but I didn't have enough of them with all those stairs."
"Anna, I'm afraid it sounds unlikely that David sustained all these injuries from falling down the stairs. Some of his fractures aren't consistent with this type of injury. Breaking a scapula is very difficult and a transverse fracture requires a strong impact and rotation," Jared added.
"He tumbled down the stairs, he twisted his arm in the process," the woman specified immediately. Her voice was louder and she was now sweating visibly — clear signs that she was getting very worked up.
"David's metabolic blood panel showed no abnormality," Shaun explained. "There is no indication that the fractures are related to an increase in bone fragility."
"We are bound to report our findings to social services," Jordan said eventually. "I'm sorry."
"No!" Anna panicked, even Shaun could tell that. "You can't do that. I'd never harm my son. Is that what you're thinking?!"
"Not necessarily. You mentioned your partner yesterday. What can you tell us about him?" Jared asked.
"Adam is a good man. He works hard to provide for both David and me. Why would he hurt his own son on purpose?"
"David has been very quiet through all this," Jared added. "He seems unusually scared and on edge. He certainly doesn't act like a three-year-old boy is supposed to."
"He's just very shy," the woman offered as an explanation.
That hung in the air for a few moments.
"We will arrange a meeting with the head of our department," Shaun concluded. "It is standard procedure in cases such as this."
"Dr. Murphy, please, this will only make things worse," Anna pleaded with teary eyes.
Shaun wondered if they'd guessed right about David's father. He'd need to go schedule a meeting with Dr. Lim.
He wondered what he could say to reassure the mother. "David is being taken to the recovery room right now. You will be able to see him in a few minutes."
7.
Shaun looked in Lim's general direction and studied her. Dr. Lim sat at the head of the conference table, and looked professional and collected, like she always did. Anna, David's mother sat to her right, while Jared and Jordan sat next to him on the left side of the table.
Shaun was very glad about Lim's involvement in the case. The chief of surgery was a dedicated and persuasive person, and he was sure that if anyone had a way of cutting through David's mother's defenses, it was her. There was always a lot to learn about the way Dr. Lim handled those complex situations.
Shaun folded his hands and rested them on the table's smooth, dark surface, and waited for Dr. Lim to initiate the conversation.
"Anna," Dr. Lim started explaining, "it is standard procedure to report any possible abuse-related cases to the head of the department. The evidence brought to me by Dr. Murphy and his residents is enough to require an in-depth investigation."
"No, it isn't," the young woman countered. She sounded and looked very distressed. A stark contrast to Lim's calm and collected demeanor.
"David falls very easily. No one is hurting him on purpose."
"This will be up to the social workers to determine," Jordan pointed out. "We've already forwarded to them all the available information."
"Why? There was no need to do that." Anna's eyes were full of tears now.
"There was," Dr. Lim replied. "We're bound by the law to do exactly that in cases such as this."
"You should be relieved," Shaun offered. "Both you and David will get help."
"We don't need any help. We're fine! Adam is a good man. He takes care of us."
Jared countered, "You said that he works a lot. Is it possible that he sometimes gets stressed to the point of needing some form of release? Maybe he drinks?"
That made sense to Shaun, frequent alcohol consumption was often a catalyst for physical abuse.
Anna's determination wavered and she started crying.
"Does Adam drink?" Shaun pressed her. "Does he get upset when he does?"
Anna let out the longest of breaths. "Sometimes," she meekly admitted. "Sometimes he drinks. When he does, he often becomes obsessed with the thought that I've betrayed him. That David isn't his son. But I've never betrayed him. Never!"
"You need to seek help," Shaun insisted. "Hitting people is not good, especially if they're children. You said that Adam loves you and David, but that can't be true. If you love someone, you should not hit them."
The young woman had clearly reached her breaking point. "I don't know what to do," she said between sobs.
"Is there anyone who can help you?" Dr. Lim asked.
Anna shook her head silently.
"What about your parents?" Shaun inquired.
"My parents have made it very clear that they didn't want anything to do with me anymore, the moment I got pregnant," she answered. "We moved here for Adam's job six months ago. I have no one else."
Maybe she hadn't understood what Shaun was trying to say. "You need to leave your husband," he elaborated.
That was the only logical thing to do. It was hard for him to fathom that some people preferred to endure physical or emotional abuse rather than get out of that situation.
He and Steve had only been kids, but they left when things had become unbearable. Anna was young, but she was an adult. Shaun wondered why? Why would she stay with Adam and openly and knowingly expose her own son to maltreatment and injury? With Shaun having his own baby on the way, it was an incredibly alarming and upsetting thought. Shaun felt his breath becoming more labored by the minute.
"I can't leave him," Anna whispered. "I can't."
"Why?" Shaun asked.
"Because I love him," the young woman eventually admitted.
Something about that statement sounded awfully familiar, and Shaun's mind wandered to the last conversation he'd had with his own mother, about three years earlier.
He remembered so clearly — they were seated at a table at Hilltop diner. Dr. Glassman and Lea were at a different table, some 30 feet away. That knowledge had provided the only form of comfort Shaun had felt at the time.
"Why did you stay with him?" Shaun had asked her.
"I don't know. I just… I love him."
"Did you love him more than me and Steve?
"No, no," Marcie had immediately assured Shaun. Was it true? It couldn't be, Shaun had concluded.
Shaun pushed the memory away, not wanting to think any more about his biological parents.
He turned to Anna again. "You…" was all he could say, feeling agitation wash over him, threatening to take control. Shaun's hand went automatically to his hair, fighting to steady himself. "Your first duty should be… t-to protect your son," he succeeded in saying. "Everything else is…n- not important."
"Dr. Murphy," Lim started to say, "as the attending in this case, you did everything in your power to help your patient. Now it's out of our hands. Social workers will know how to proceed in David's best interest. CPS will very likely be involved, as well." She let out a heavy breath. "Go home now. There's nothing else you can do."
It took Shaun a few seconds before Lim's words sunk in, realizing that she had meant to help him collect himself. Had Jared been right? Had that case been triggering for him?
Wordlessly, he stood up and exited the conference room.
8.
On the way to the locker room, Shaun tried to apply some of the techniques he knew to level his now clearly labored breathing. He slowly breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, and then repeated it all over again. He then focused on the tasks that had to be completed in order to go home, running through them in his mind.
Dr. Lim was right, he needed to get home. Lea had texted Shaun a while earlier to ask if he was ready to go, but he'd answered that he had a meeting and that he'd take the bus later.
Surely, Lea and Dr. Glassman had already left the hospital and would be home. Home. The place he always felt safe and comfortable. Shaun wanted to go there as fast as he could.
Dr. Lim's intervention earlier on not only had defused the situation, it had also helped Shaun to find an anchor, to steady himself enough to leave the conference room without losing control.
He still felt anxious and jittery, like a swarm of bees was humming in his brain, the noise just on the brink, like an itch he didn't know how to scratch. Feeling like that, losing his balance, was always hard. Shaun felt detached from his body, tried to swallow the irrational sense of anguish and apprehension he hadn't felt in years.
He went through the motions completely on autopilot—locker, office, hallway, staircase, lobby, bus stop, bus ride. The only thing he could think of was the helpless child in that hospital bed. Shaun couldn't shake the fear even he had noticed in the child's eyes. He wasn't good at understanding people's emotions, but it had been evident after all they'd witnessed and heard. Shaun's own memory of the time living with his parents was fresh enough in his mind that he remembered what it was like to feel exactly like David must be feeling.
Shaun had had Steve. Steve had saved him a thousand times over. He'd loved Shaun, and he'd always taken care of him. And he'd died exactly because of that—because he'd wanted to take care of Shaun.
Shaun still felt guilty about it sometimes, even if he tried his best not to. Who would save David? Would there be any way out for him? Would he ever grow up to be happy, like Shaun? A sickening sensation grew in his stomach, sudden nausea making him feel queasy.
Mechanically, Shaun got off the bus, walked to their apartment building, and found himself at the door to apartment 25. He knocked repeatedly. It took five knocks until the door was finally opened.
"Shaun," Glassman said. "Lea just told me about dinner, but—" Glassman suddenly stopped.
Shaun could feel his eyes filling with tears, threatening to spill over. Glassman must be seeing it, too.
"Shaun, what's wrong?" Glassman immediately asked.
Shaun couldn't bring himself to talk. The words he wanted to say just wouldn't come. His instincts were telling him that there was only one thing that he needed more than anything else right at that moment. A kind of comfort and support Shaun hadn't even known could really exist, not until Dr. Glassman had come into his life.
Without a single word, Shaun threw himself into Glassman's arms.
The last time he'd felt like this was after Lea's miscarriage, when he'd tried to stay strong for her, to support her as much as he could, putting his own emotions aside. Seeing Lea in the OR, holding her hand while she was being prepped and sedated for her scheduled D&C, so distraught and in pain, had been the last straw for Shaun.
The whole experience had been incredibly emotionally draining, and strangely, inexplicably, what he was feeling right now was very much like the harrowing time they had lost their first baby.
When Glassman's arms came around him a moment later, an immediate sense of relief spread through Shaun's body. The silent love that surrounded him steadied his nervous mind. This was the safest place he knew.
"Shaun, what happened?" Glassman inquired softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
Words refused to come out of Shaun's mouth, only more tears streamed from his eyes, a sob escaping his throat, then another.
He felt Glassman's large hands gently pulling him inside, gentle reassuring words telling him to sit down on the couch. Shaun followed wordlessly, grateful that Glassman wasn't pressing him for an explanation that he couldn't provide right now.
9.
When Shaun felt more composed and in control again, he wasn't sure how much time had passed. His eyes felt sore and scratchy, his throat dry, so he figured he'd likely cried for quite a while with Glassman holding him against his chest.
They were sitting on the couch and Glassman was still gently stroking his hair.
"Are you feeling better?" Glassman asked in a gentle voice.
"Yes," Shaun replied, with a little nod, pushing away from Glassman so that he sat next to him. It was a good sign that actual words were coming out of his mouth again.
"I'd like to know what happened, Shaun, if you feel up to it," Glassman suggested, searching Shaun's face for answers. Their gaze met for a few seconds. "Okay?"
"Okay," Shaun agreed. He tentatively and somewhat disjointedly offered an abbreviated version of his little patient's story, and it wasn't hard for Glassman to put two and two together.
Shaun straightened himself a little more on the coach and scooted forward to the edge of the seat, trying to regain some of his composure. It wasn't easy. His mind was still restless and stormy.
"Why do some parents hurt their children? Why don't they love them?"
Glassman shook his head. "I don't know, Shaun." He sighed heavily. "It's very difficult to explain or even to understand, and it's very sad."
"Yes, it is," Shaun couldn't agree more about the sad part.
"All parents should love their children. That's a fact," Glassman stated.
"David is a nice and cute little boy," Shaun remarked. "His father should not have any reasons for not liking him. My father did."
Shaun flinched when Glassman's voice suddenly became loud and vehement. "Don't ever say that, Shaun!" he burst out. "It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong. I've already told you that a million times. Your parents were supposed to love you, no matter what." Glassman sighed once again. "As David's parents are.''
Shaun could tell that Glassman was angry now. It wasn't hard to figure out. Was he angry at David's parents? Or at Shaun's? Or both?
Shaun knew that Dr. Glassman had a lot of regrets for not having been a good enough father to Maddie, and for having put work before family a little too often. He also knew how hard he'd tried to do better for Shaun.
Shaun was incredibly glad for that. Because of Dr. Glassman, he now had a caring, loving father, one who actually loved him. Shaun couldn't help but make a mental note to ensure that his own son would always know that Shaun loved him, too. He'd try to be the best father he could be for their little "Peanut" when he was born.
Glassman audibly sighed, his features relaxing. "You were such a sweet and smart boy," he said with a small smile. "I need to be sure that you know that. It wasn't your fault, okay?"
"Okay," Shaun agreed after a while.
"Good," Glassman concluded.
"David's mother failed to protect her child. Mine did as well. Why?"
Shaun's loaded question hung in the air for a few moments, while Glassman pondered it. Shaun's queries often had a tendency to be very complex, he himself realized as much. But somehow Dr. Glassman had almost always come up with good answers and good advice. Shaun hoped it would also be the case this time around.
Glassman inhaled deeply. "That's very difficult to answer."
Shaun had expected not getting an immediate straight answer, but was prepared to patiently wait for more.
"These situations are never easy to handle, I suppose. And every single one is different. You know, I think often people are too weak or too scared to do anything about their situation. Maybe they feel helpless, maybe they might also develop some form of dependence upon their abuser. It doesn't always mean that they don't care. It doesn't necessarily mean that David's mom doesn't care, or that your mom didn't."
Shaun wasn't sure if Dr. Glassman really believed that or was just saying it for Shaun's benefit. Sometimes people lied to make others feel better, he knew that. Shaun didn't like lies, and he didn't like that he could never really tell when someone was lying.
Was that the case here? And was it really important? It definitely was in David's case, but now all the evidence had been forwarded to the social workers and to Child Protective Services. It would be up to them to determine what was best for David.
As for Shaun, the past was in the past. It couldn't be changed. He was taken care of and loved, not by his biological parents, but by Dr. Glassman and now also Lea. He had the loving family he'd always wanted, and he would do everything to keep it close and safe. It was all that mattered to Shaun.
"Dr. Glassman…?" Shaun said in a low voice. The latter turned his head and looked at Shaun, and Shaun tried hard to convey all the genuine affection and gratitude he felt when he said, "I love you."
Glassman's lips curved into a small, affectionate smile. "I love you, too," he reciprocated immediately.
Before they could act any further on the rare intimate moment, a knock on the door interrupted them.
"Are you okay, now?" Glassman asked before standing up. It seemed that he wanted to be sure that Shaun was fine before diverting his attention elsewhere.
Shaun nodded. "Yes, I am," he assured his father as he watched Dr. Glassman going to the door to open it.
When he swung it open, Shaun immediately recognized the slightly panicky voice that blurted out, "Glassy, something's happened at the hospital and Shaun isn't answering any of my calls—"
Glassman cut her short, pointing to his living room. "Easy, Shaun is here," he explained.
Lea let out a long breath of relief as Shaun tentatively raised his hand at her in a greeting.
Lea entered the apartment without waiting for an invite and made a beeline for the couch. "I was really worried. Jordan texted me that you looked very upset when you left the hospital, and you didn't answer any of my calls."
Shaun quickly checked his phone to find three missed calls from Lea. "I am sorry. I forgot to turn the ringer back on. I was very upset."
"It's okay," Lea immediately reassured him that no apology was needed, and she sat on the couch next to him. "I'm glad I found you in safe hands. You said you were upset. Are you better now?"
"Yes," Shaun replied, feeling grateful for her worry and love. "I... will tell you later what happened. I don't want to talk about it now."
"Yeah, I'm fine with that, I know sometimes you have a hard time talking when you're really upset. I just wanna know you're okay. You've been crying, haven't you?"
"I am… not okay. Dr. Glassman helped me, and I feel a lot better now."
He could feel her gaze on him, and her furrowed brow told him she was still worried. He would tell her everything. Later, when he felt a little more clearheaded and less off-kilter.
"What can I do? What do you need?"
Instead of giving her a verbal answer, Shaun leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips, his hand feeling for her pregnant belly that he started stroking. For the second time that evening, he reminded himself of his commitment to become the best father he could possibly be, like his own father did. His real one, the one who loved him.
Lea placed her hand on his and they sat silently for a moment before she said, "I guess we're canceling our plans to go out tonight, right?" Lea asked after a little while.
Shaun pondered that. He felt exhausted, and he knew with an unwavering certainty that he wasn't going to be up to facing all the sensory input of a night out at a restaurant or bar tonight.
"Yes, please," he replied softly.
"How about I make us something for dinner?" Glassman proposed with an amount of enthusiasm that didn't surprise Shaun. Glassman loved cooking, and Shaun had come to like it, too. It was methodical and relaxing, and there were similarities between cooking and surgery—not just following specific procedures made of consecutive steps, but also in a clean environment and the right instruments and equipment for the task. Yes, he definitely liked it.
"Glassy's cooking, and we sure won't need a restaurant," Lea easily agreed with a big smile. "If I can make a suggestion, how about your mother's delicious Marinara?"
"But without the roasted garlic," Aaron replied with a wink.
"Yes, please."
Glassman was already in his kitchen, fishing a pot out of one of the cabinets.
Shaun took Lea's hand in his and squeezed it gently. Having Lea here at his side helped him relax even more.
He couldn't ask for a better wife: Lea was supportive, and gentle, and wise, and loving. She was and always would be one of his biggest sources of strength. Shaun loved her so much, like he'd never loved anybody else before.
Bad things happened sometimes, but Shaun knew how to look forward and find the things worth living for. Two of them were right here, by his side, always there to have his back, and Shaun knew he couldn't be happier.
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