Chapter 3:

I hate platitudes. "We're so sorry for your loss." What the hell is that supposed to mean? Okay, yeah, I was guilty of saying stuff like that to Kuga, too. But, like her, I'd felt loss firsthand. I'd been left without my Mama for six years. And my Papa wasn't coming back.

But for the most part, that's all that anyone offered Kuga at the wake I'd arranged. Platitudes.

Tokiha was different, though. She'd known Kuga for awhile, was pretty much her best friend, aside from Fujino. And she'd experienced loss, herself.

"I tried to call you, when I heard about the accident," Tokiha said to Kuga, "I wanted to make sure that you were holding up okay."

"I shut off my phone," Kuga sighed, "Sorry, Mai, if I made you worry."

"It's alright. I understand," And it was true. She did understand. She gave a sigh, and then looked at one of the pictures of Fujino on the wall, chuckling a little, "I still remember my first real introduction to our Kaichou. I mean, I'd bumped into her before, like when Suzushiro was questioning me about the crop circles and stuff. But that little incident at the lingerie store…"

Natsuki laughed and scowled at the same time, "I'm wondering retroactively if I should be jealous."

"Nah. You're the one she wanted in the end," Mai grinned, "She was only a flirt when she wasn't in a committed relationship."

I was glad to see that Tokiha could get the Pup to smile. And I was a bit put out that I wasn't the one who'd managed that. And why did it matter to me? Sure, Kuga was a friend. We'd been friends since the end of the Festival, albeit grudgingly at first. And I had just as much experience with loss as either of them, so shouldn't I be able to relate to Kuga, too? Make her smile?

The problem, I concluded, was Fujino. We'd put hostilities aside after the Festival. But we weren't exactly close, even if we could stand to be around one another for brief periods. And she'd put on those stupid airs when we were riding out to destroy the star, acting all cutesy and apologizing in a playful way. I wanted to hate her for that.

But then she met Mama, and she was sincere and contrite in her apology for her death. And I realized that she truly did feel remorse for the things she'd done.

Maybe that's part of why I didn't like her. Because, in a sense, she was able to not only forgive, but also to repent. Me?

Look, I get it that Kuga hadn't meant for her CHILD to fire blindly. I get that she hadn't expected the stinger of Julia's tail to come flying right at my left eye. But the thing is, I was attacked for something I didn't do. Yeah, I chose to fight, instead of try to defuse the situation and talk it down. But I was unfairly attacked. Kuga saved my life, so I considered her and me square, at the time. Fujino only came after me because I went after Kuga. But in the end, I was still attacked as a scheme by someone else. Anyone ever make that right by me?

So, Fujino was repentant of her sins, while I was just left to accept that I'd done the wrong thing for the right reasons.

Kuga suddenly nudged me gently with her shoulder, "Hey, you've been awfully quiet, Nao. Something on your mind?"

I sighed, "I'm just…wishing I could say something meaningful or inspired. Or at least properly sympathetic."

Natsuki gave me a gentle smile, "Just say what's on your mind, Nao."

I sighed, then looked at a picture of Fujino. "I just wish we could have talked a bit more before this happened. I guess I didn't really know her as well as I could have. But I know that she loved you, Kuga, so she had good taste, at least."

Kuga actually blushed a little, "Natsuki."

"Huh?"

"You always let me call you 'Nao'. I don't really care that you call me 'Pup' sometimes, but…I wouldn't mind if you called me 'Natsuki', at least once in awhile . You don't need to add any honorifics to that. I'm not a sempai, a sama, or a sensei, and if you try to go the Shiho route by calling me oneesan, I'm bolting out the window. But…you've more than earned the right to call me by my name, Nao."

"Natsuki," it felt strange somehow on my tongue. Like a poem you know the words to, but can't grasp the meaning. But she brightened up considerably when I said it.

"Come to think of it," Mai mused, "Kaichou always called you Natsuki, too. It was yobisute, between the two of you, wasn't it?"

"Shizuru started that," Natsuki said, "She said it was because we were friends. And the casual way she said it…it made me happy."

Was I just being used as a stand in for Fujino, then?

"Still," Natuski continued, "I expect Nao will be sticking to her nickname for me. Pup. I guess that sounds more natural coming from her."

So, I wasn't being used as a replacement? Then…she just wanted me to say her name because we were friends?

"I dunno, Na-tsu-ki," I said it sing-song, "I just think it's 'cause we're not used to me saying it, yet."

Another mild blush. Okay, now I can see why Fujino enjoyed doing stuff like this. The look of that girl's face when she blushes…Even at 25, she still looks like a bewildered puppy when she's embarrassed. It's cute. And don't I deserve a bit of cute in my life?

At that moment, we were joined by Haruka Suzushiro and her lifelong friend, Yukino Kikukawa. Suzushiro was now the vice president at her family's construction company. And Kikukawa? Talk about a change! She'd gone from being a shy, mousy little thing to a bold, confident young woman who was an outspoken member of the National Diet. She'd grown her hair out a bit and tied it back in a tidy little braid, and she'd replaced the glasses with contact lenses. Neither had married, to my knowledge.

She looked the picture of Fujino we had set up as the main effigy for her.

"I'll miss her," Suzushiro sighed, "She was the only person who ever really presented a challenge to me. It's not fair, her dying the way she did."

"It wasn't fair for any of those people, Suzushirio," Natsuki said softly, "I doubt the circumstances were going to change just because Shizuru was there."

Suzushiro sighed again, "You're right, of course. And how are you holding up?"

Natsuki blinked, "I…uh…I'm doing alright. It's been a rough couple of days. I go to do dishes, and I expect her to glomp onto me from behind. I go to bed, and there's too much space, and it's cold. I hear one of her favorite songs on the radio, and I half-expect to hear her singing along quietly while she sashayed around the place. I wonder if ghosts are memories that just refuse to stay in your head."

Suzushiro looked at the photographs all around, "She was good for you, I'll admit that much. You never smiled like that," she nodded to one of the pictures, "when you were at Fuuka Academy. I know you had your reasons, of course, I just wish…"

Natsuki tilted her head curiously. I wonder if she knows just how doglike that is.

"Go on, Suzushiro, I'm listening."

"I wish I'd known what was going on before it all went sour. If I'd known what you were dealing with, what you were up against, I might have been your friend, too."

She looked at me, "The same goes for you, too. Hearing what you went through…"

"Justice should be tempered with mercy," I intoned solemnly.

"Where's that from?" Suzushiro asked.

"It's something I heard from the former Sister Yukariko," I smirked, "I guess I see the wisdom of it, these days."

Kikukawa spoke up, "Natsuki, I wonder if perhaps you might benefit from having some company, for a few days."

Natsuki gave Kikukawa a rueful smile, "I'm not planning on doing anything rash, Yukino."

"That's not what I mean," Kikukawa shook her head, "I'm concerned that you'll be closed off again, if you keep to yourself, here."

"She's got a point, Natsuki," Mai said, "I know you need a bit of space, but maybe one of us should spend some time with you, help sort stuff, get things in order."

"Come on," Natsuki gave them both a soft smile, "You've both got lives to live. Yukino, you've got that bill coming up for a vote. You need to be consolidating your support. And Mai, you've got your restaurant. Neither of you can afford to take time off just to babysit me, right?"

"They still have some free time, Pup," I pointed out, "At least do coffee or something as a routine. And…if you need help here, well…I'm free. I'm graduating next week, and I can lend a free hand. My job with Fuuka Academy doesn't start until September, so I've got some time to kill."

Natsuki shrugged, "I guess that's fine. I've got to go and pack up all of Shizuru's clothes, over the next few days. I might keep one or two pieces for sentiment, but she was a bit taller than me, and her stuff is a bit fancy for my line of work. I can count on one hand the number of times I've borrowed one of Shizuru's pieces of clothing, and that was always out of urgency rather than fashion choice."

Suzushiro nodded, "I had to do the same thing last year when my mother passed. It's a shame. We spend all our lives building up a collection of belongings, and then we pass on, and they end up in someone's clarity bin."

Kikukawa rolled her eyes, with a smile, "That's 'charity', Haruka."

"Yeah, that too."

"Then, I'll help you with that," I said firmly, "Just provide lunch for me, and I'm yours."

Then I paused and smirked, "Or maybe order from Tokiha's restaurant."

Natsuki gave a small scoff, "I'll have you know, I've come a long way since that incident with the cake. Besides, you and Mikoto had a hand in that, too, y'know."

Mikoto, who had definitely grown, and filled out, in the last eight years, sniffed indignantly, "Hey, at least I could crack and egg properly. Unlike two other people I could name."

Suzushiro started laughing, and crying a bit the same time, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to…I was just remembering that whole day. I made Fujino go stand in a corner and drink tea…"

"Which is what she wanted to be doing in the first place," Natsuki smiled at the memory.

"And when I dropped the cake trying to dodge this wildchat…"

"Cat, Haruka."

"Fujino of all people invoked the 'five second rule'."

Laughter and tears at the same time.

"God, I miss her," Suzushirio sighed as the laughter came under control.

Natsuki clapped a hand on Suzushiro's shoulder, also smiling and crying, "Yeah, me too."

Suzushiro produced a bottle of high end sake, "Everyone here is of legal age, right? A toast, to the late Shizuru Fujino."

She poured sake for all of us, and held her glass up high, "Wherever you are now, Fujino, we're sorry you had to go so soon. I hope they have the best tea where you are, now. To Shizuru Fujino!"

"To Fujino!" we all replied, downing our drinks.

"Well," I said, setting my glass down, "I've got to go grab a couple of changes of clothes. I'll crash here while I help Natsuki sort through Fujino's things."

~~*~~

I went home and packed a small bag, explaining to Mama what was going on.

"We just don't want her to be alone, while she adjusts," I said.

Mama said something strange to me, and I didn't understand it at the time, "Just remember, Nao, you can't win if you make Fujino your enemy. It's impossible to defeat the memory of the dead."

In time, I would come to understand.